03x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

Okay.

Okay, now. Paddle, paddle, paddle,
paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle.

Good. Go go.

Ooh!

Oh, well. Nevermind.

Good. Good, you're almost there.

- Hey, I was crap, when I started too.
- Yes.

Yes you were.

Yeah, but I stuck at
it, and I got better.

Because you like surfing, Dad.

This is your 'happy place', not mine.

Okay, okay fair enough.

[SCOFFS]

Great!

Now my humiliation is complete.

You don't need to feel humiliated.

Just because I'm over him, doesn't
mean I want him seeing me get dumped.

He saw that the first
time, when he dumped me.

[SIGHS]

- Who's the woman?
- No idea!

They say: 'The older you
get, the wiser you get'.

You'd think, years on the planet,

plus experience, multiplied
by good judgement,

automatically equals fewer
monumental mistakes.

But from what I can see,

there is a hell-of-alot more age
around then there is wisdom.

When I was young, I got
my wisdom from my mother.

For example when she said:

'If everyone else jumped off a
cliff, does that mean you have to?'

I knew the correct answer,
the 'wise' answer was 'no'.

But what if everyone
else has already jumped?

Thank you.

- One for your darling?
- Yes, thank you.

- Ah, George.
- Hey.

Just in time for the briefing.

Do you have anything you
wanna add to the agenda?

That this is a terrible idea, and
we'll never get away with it.

- You tabled that motion last time.
- Move on George, keep with the program.

What happened to honesty
being the best policy.

I have to say, that in
his absence George,

Sean's web of deceit is
actually very well put together.

Hi.

- Did she buy it?
- At first, yes...

- A conference?
- Yeah, in, um Sydney.

It's the, uh, 'Australasian
Registered Solar Engineers...'

'Symposium'.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, renewable energy

- is the new black, Tracey.
- Mmm.

- This coming weekend?
- Yeah,

we've only just found out about it.

Yeah, lucky there
were spaces available.

But then there was the 'name problem'.

- What name problem?
- 'ARSES'

- 'ARSES'?
- [GIGGLES]

The name of the ficticious
conference that you created, Sean.

'Australasian Registered
Solar Engineers Symposium.'

Oh, right.

Actually, as it happens, isn't
that exactly what we're being?

Not helpful, George.
But did she buy it?

- Possibly.
- "Possibly?" What's, "Possibly?"

Well, Woody decided to
employ reverse psychology.

No, you're right. Tracey's right.

These guys sound like a bunch of arses.

And we're just gonna waste the R
and B money that George invested.

- R and D, Woody.
- Yeah, who needs development?

You know, maybe we should
just stay small, break even.

I don't know, maybe one
day, down the track.

Oh, but it sounds like
there's some pretty good

people hosting the session.

I am flying in the expert

- in carbon capture from Finland.
- Ooh!

Yeah, but what are we gonna learn
from a bunch of world experts, mate?

Nuh. I'm not going. I'm not
doing it. What's the point?

- I think you should go.
- Yeah?

Make connections. Meet people.

And while you're away, I can
start planning my hen's night.

Just a shame you missed out on the
early-bird registration special.

Always with the penny pinching.

You should give them the fake discount

when you send them the fake invoice.

That'd be much appreciated.

We'll see.

The important thing is,
Operation Divorce Mary is a go.

Jab, straight. Jab, straight, hook.

Remind me why we're doing this, again?

Because today is your first day

of Siouxsie McNamara
Emotional Boot Camp.

You seriously think I'm going to
kickbox my way back to happiness?

Well, we thought it was better than
you sitting around, waiting for Ike

to crawl back to you, or you, to him.

Never. Gonna. Happen.

So, you seen him around?

- Yeah, today.
- Speak to him?

He was far away on the
beach with some woman.

Wow, he moves fast.

No, no. It wasn't like that.
She was older. Maori, I think.

Older, as in could have
been his mother, older?

I suppose.

Ngahuia.

Ngahuia?

Okay, so I'll continue
to abuse my position

at the Council by manufacturing
bogus counter-information.

But isn't that what you
actually do at the Council?

Well, meanwhile,

should we do things like book
plane tickets and stuff?

Sorry, if it's real,
nothing to do with me.

Ye gods. What is that smell?

- Apologies for my lateness.
- Oh, Monty!

- How much cologne are you wearing?
- All of it?

That will be the smell of destiny, my
dear friends and fellow conspirators,

for I bring wonderful news
from the outside world.

- Ngahuia is back.
- Who's Ngahuia?

Someone you don't want to
give a parking ticket to.

But anything else she
wants, just hand it over.

Otherwise, you have to hide behind
the counter. Don't you, Sean?

Nonsense. She's an angel
sent from heaven.

- Oh. Leave it out, Monty.
- Yeah, we all know it didn't happen.

- What didn't happen?
- Me, Ngahuia, midnight,

New Year's Eve, the magic.

And it did happen and
it'll happen again.

When you meet Ngahuia, you'll
realise how improbable that was.

I saw someone down at the
beach, this morning, with Ike.

Oh, yeah. That'd be because
Ngahuia is his mum.

- You back off, George Turner.
- What?

We all know your reputation
with the ladies.

You leave some for the rest of us.

Well, that's not fair. I
don't even know this woman.

Since when has that stopped you?

George Turner.

Hello, George Turner.

This is Ngahuia Richards. Ike's mother.

- Hello.
- You and I, we need to talk.

- We do?
- About our tamariki.

- Sorry?
- Our children, George.

- What about them?
- Best we meet in person.

You busy now?

- Not really.
- Do you know the Boat Club?

Yeah, of course.

- Can you meet me there? Good.
- I guess so.

And George, bring an open mind.

- Hannah?
- Boss.

- Please don't call me that.
- Maybe one day.

This is, I presume, about your
new-found desire to serve the law.

Yep.

As opposed to breaking the law.

- I talked to the recruiting people.
- Good start.

And they suggested,

to be sure I want to be a
cop, maybe I should try being

a civilian station support
officer with my local constable.

- Sensible. Try Stafford.
- But I live here.

I have all the civilian support I need.

Valerie?

- Indeed.
- Oh. Come on, Tom.

You and me, working together,
keeping the peace.

There is zero crime in Weld,
Hannah, and that's how I like it.

It is sexist, is what it
is, and possibly r*cist.

Okay, it's probably not r*cist,
but it's definitely ageist

and totally me-ist.

- Sounds like a whole world of 'ist'.
- I mean, how could he not want this?

I'm fit, I'm keen and I'm ready
to step up. What's the problem?

The fact you've been a giant
pain in his bum for years?

Yeah, but that was the old me,

before the life-changing experience
of not even getting to the altar,

let alone being left at it by your
brother, who promised me the world,

- then buggered off.
- I thought you were over Terry.

I am, except when I choose not to be.

- In my defence, I did warn you.
- Who listens to warnings?

- Absolutely no one, it would appear.
- Oh. Worst day ever!

Kia ora, Ngahuia. I heard you were back.

Hi, Hannah. Fiona.

Nice to see you again, Ngahuia.

- Oh, you wouldn't have met... George?
- Yes, we've spoken.

- Yeah. Nice to meet you, finally.
- Shall we get a table?

Yeah, sure.

What in the name of all things unholy

does the taniwha want with George?

- She's not a monster, Hannah.
- Yes, she is. She's my step-monster.

Why? Because she made you wear
clothes and go to school?

Yes, all that. Oh!

I wonder if Katie knows she's back?

So, I've put the hard
word in on a few people.

Sean from the Council, for starters.

That taking on a work experience
student would be a good idea.

He was a bit frightened at
first, but then he agreed that

if the right candidate came along...

I don't suppose Woody and
Smiler would be in a position

to take someone on for
their solar panel thing?

Now that they're ARSES?

Sorry, is that a bit of a sore point?

No, no, no, no. Australasian
Registered Solar Engineers.

Oh. Someone didn't think
that all the way through.

I know, right?

Oh, but it shows they're
taking it seriously,

- doesn't it?
- Yeah.

They're even going to a conference
this weekend, in Australia.

You're trying to picture Woody
at a conference, aren't you?

- Yes!
- I know. Me, too.

I mean, I love him, obviously,

but he's not really what
you'd call a conference guy.

- Has he been to one before?
- I very much doubt it.

- You should go with him.
- That thought had crossed my mind.

Make sure he gets to the right
place at the right time.

Yeah, but that's not very good
for his self-esteem, is it?

Me, going along as his minder?

Only if he realises.

You could say that you're starting
the search for the dress.

I could, couldn't I?

It's a miracle he even survived, really.

Yeah, him being in that
water, all the time.

Lucky he had help.

You mean, the people he said visited
him while he was out there?

Who did visit him?

Yeah, I understood they
were hallucinations.

What if they weren't, George?

Would you be willing
to consider that idea,

that what Ike experienced
out there was real?

Well, if it helps me and
Shay understand, then, yeah.

You sure about that?

All I can promise is, I'll
give it my best sh*t.

Which is good, because Ike
has something to tell you.

And I warn you, it's
gonna test your beliefs.

Tell me what?

That's for him to do,
as part of his tasks.

What tasks?

We'll get to that.

Well, why couldn't he tell me,
or Shay, this thing, earlier?

Well, he's... he's still getting his
head around it. Plus, he's scared.

Of me?

Of what he has to do.

This thing, George,

it involves Laura.

Mate, we got a problem.

- Council or conference?
- Conference. Why?

If it was Council, I'd get
you to fill out a form.

Nature of problem?

- Tracey.
- Hey, I've been thinking.

What if I come with you?

Come with me, to Australia?

Yeah! I mean, not to go
to the actual conference,

but I could start looking
at wedding dresses.

Uh-huh.

But I've been looking online
and I can't find the website.

- Website?
- Yeah, the conference website.

I Googled it and got what you would
expect when you Google 'ARSES',

but nothing about the symposium or
the organisation, for that matter.

Oh, that's weird, 'cause, yeah, it was

there when me and Smiler looked.

Do you have the address?

No, I don't. No, not on me.

- Oh, well. We can look tonight.
- Yeah, okay.

Okay, bye!

So ARSES needs a
website by this evening?

Yes.

Ideally, a website that
makes the symposium

look so jam-packed full of content
of the most mind-boggling tedium

that Tracey will not
go anywhere near it.

Make it really boring.

That would be excellent.

Three of them.

His kaitiaki.

With my great Uncle Wiremu.

It was really clear,
what he was telling me,

that I needed to sort my life out,

get myself straight and,
if I promised to do that,

then Tangaroa would see me right.

He'd get me out of this mess.

And so I promised

and Tangaroa came through.

With my second kaitiaki, Anahera,

but that's got nothing to do with this.

She's one thing that me and
Mum are trying to figure out.

But with the third kait...

Sorry.

- This word, kai... Kaitiaki.
- Kaitiaki.

They're like guardians, you know,
they offer us advice and so forth.

- Yeah, from the spirit world?
- Yeah.

Ghosts?

Well, that's kind of a
simplistic take on it.

But they're dead people.

In Ike's case, they are. Yeah.
Wiremu d*ed back in the ' s.

Sorry, sorry. And so one of
these... one of these kaitiaki,

it talked about Laura?

No, it was Laura.

I spoke to her, George.

You never met Laura.

Yeah, well, I never met
my Uncle Wiremu either,

but I knew it was him when I saw him.

And I knew it was Laura.

A kaitiaki can be anyone, George.

Any colour, gender, age, you want.

The universe is good like that.

So, my Laura,

is Ike's spiritual guardian?

Honestly, it took me by surprise, too.

But if it's any consolation, she was...

she was beautiful... calm.

She must have been an amazing woman.

She was.

George, the thing with kaitiaki
is, it works both ways.

She had something to tell Ike to
keep him going, keep him alive.

But in return, they ask things of us.

What did she say to you?

"Don't be like that dying
fly on the windowsill."

"Don't be like that dying
fly on the windowsill?"

- Does it mean anything to you?
- No.

The spirits honour us,
George, with their words,

but it can be sheer bloody hell,
working out what they actually mean.

And you think this message is for me?

For you or someone you know.

That's for you to find out.

It's one thing to hear words
of wisdom from your mother,

but wisdom from the afterlife?

That's a far more slippery kettle of
fish that raises so many questions,

starting with the big one.

Do I actually believe
there is an afterlife?

I'm out of my depth here, Zac.

So excuse me if I'm being
culturally insensitive,

- but is this for real?
- Kaitiaki?

For sure.

Ngahuia's family pretty
much have a direct line

when it comes to the great beyond.

So, you believe in it?

It's hard to wrap your
head around. I know.

Yeah, you could say that.

But I also know my boy.

And, George, he's not
doing this to be a d*ck.

He saw things out there.
He was given messages

and if he believes that they're
important, then they probably are.

Oh. Hey, sorry, George.
We've had to defect here.

- Better internet.
- For what?

Oh, it's a long story, but we need
to build the ARSES a website.

And Ike is the man when
it comes to that stuff.

And we need a website, why?

Because Tracey was looking for one.

Yeah, and all she found
was this bunch of weirdos

looking at bum fetishes.

Plan's going brilliantly, then.

I'll leave you to it.

I'd just like to thank you,
Valerie, for your invaluable years

of service as my station support
officer and wish you all the best

for your round-the-world cruise.

I knew it. I so knew it.

You're trespassing in a staff-only
area. I could arrest you.

But you won't, because
you need me. Hi, Valerie.

Hi, Hannah.

Do you think I don't
do my research, Tom?

- That's Constable Tom, to you.
- Do you think, when I come to you,

suggesting I be your civilian
support officer, I don't already

know that your faithful
sidekick of all these years

is finally hanging up her badge?

- She hasn't got a badge.
- Oh! A badge would have been neat.

Didn't we talk about
not talking to Hannah?

She would be good in this job, Tom.
She would keep you on your toes.

Thank you, Valerie. Interview me, Tom.

Unfortunately, Valerie's
position has been filled.

- No, it hasn't.
- Oh!

So, you have a position and
I'd like to apply for it.

And failure to consider
me, could justify

a valid complaint to the Independent
Police Conduct Authority.

- Hey. How was your day?
- Hey.

My entire body hurts and I'm not
sure whether it's from the stupid

surfing or Siouxsie Boot Camp.

So, I'm going to go lie in the
ocean until the pain goes away.

Fair enough.

You all right?

Me? Yes. Yeah.

Okay.

- Hey, Dad. It was okay.
- Hey, how was school?

Okay...

Katie's apparently on a mission

to find the numpties new work
experience opportunities, so...

- Uh-huh.
- Have you lost something?

Does the phrase, "Don't be like
that dying fly on the windowsill,"

mean anything to you?

Is that an actual phrase?
Sounds a bit random.

- I'll take that as a no.
- Yeah, that's a no. Why?

Oh, it's just something that
someone said today, that's all.

- Hi, Brenda.
- Ngahuia!

- Hi, Ngahuia. Ah, good to see you.
- Katie.

Hello, Billy. Look at you.

You're no longer that
little squirt anymore, eh?

How's Ike?

Working through some
stuff, but getting there.

So, you staying in town for long?

- Oh, it depends on Ike.
- Oh, what's that pong?

Hello, Ngahuia.

Gotta go. Nice to see you.

Monty.

Ngahuia.

She's in a hurry.

That'll be why... or that.

What am I missing?

Katie stole Zac off Ngahuia,
well, sort of, and then,

there was the beetroot incident.

And as for Dad, he's been crushing
on Ngahuia ever since he lucked in,

one New Year's Eve.

This town.

- George.
- Yep?

Is the coast clear?

- What?
- Can I speak freely?

The kids aren't here, if
that's what you mean.

Okay, great, great.

Hey, Sean and Ike, they got
the website up and running.

Mate, they did a smashing job.

They made it look as
dull as ditch water.

- Good for them.
- Yeah.

Yeah, but maybe a little bit too good.

Man, it's dull, eh? All
that technical stuff.

Yeah. Are you sure
you're up with all this?

Oh, yeah. Me and Smiler,
we're all over that.

Mmm. And the business stuff.

I know. It's boring!

Look at where the hotel is.
It's in the middle of nowhere.

I mean, no decent shopping
around for miles.

You really don't want me to
come to this thing, do you?

No! I mean, yes. Yeah, no, of
course, I want you to come.

I just, like, why would you want to?
I mean, really, look at it. Why?

'Cause I'm proud of my man
and I want to stand by him?

That is just so much
more than I deserve.

So she's sad she's not
going with you, and?

And I don't want to leave her like that!

- Well, what does it matter?
- Well, it matters to me!

Okay, look. If she's unhappy here,
I'm gonna know that over there,

- and it's just gonna throw my game.
- Woody, Woody.

Why are you bringing this to me now?
I've got other things on my mind.

Because, George, my lies, they come
out all m*nled, right? But yours...

You, mate, they just roll off your
tongue like a thing of beauty.

- That's not a compliment, Woody.
- No, no, no.

It's not, but... but what it does
mean is that if anyone can explain

to Tracey why she can't
come to this conference

and leave her with a smile
on her face, it's you.

- You have got to be kidding.
- Okay, look. I should've told her!

- Yes, okay? I should have!
- Yes!

But that ship has sailed, all right?

And me and you, we're in
the doughnut, George,

and we're just bouncing along behind.

And she, she's at the front
of the ship and she's going,

"I'm flying, Jack."

Are you the only person in the
world that hasn't seen 'Titanic'?

So what are you saying, George?

- What, you want us to hit the iceberg?
- In the doughnut?

Oh, okay. Look, George. What
I'm trying to say is this, okay?

I couldn't have got this
far without you, mate.

So just, please, just come on, just
help me get the rest of the way.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Is this about Arlo?

No, no.

- Should it be?
- No. He's still a star pupil.

Good. Good. Good to know.

So this is about your other
man-child, then. Woody.

Yes. How did you know?

He left this morning in a strange mood,

muttering something about
needing to speak to George.

Well, he thinks you're upset and
he thinks that I could help.

Upset that he doesn't want me
to go to his stupid conference?

Yeah, something like that. Look,
if it makes you feel any better,

I was something of a
professional plus-one, myself,

- until Laura put a stop to it.
- She did?

Yeah, I used to love those things,

staying in nice hotels, thinking
I was being supportive.

Until one day, she took me aside
and said it would be better for her

if I wasn't there.

- How?
- Well, she wanted to talk law.

She didn't want to worry as to
whether her husband was lonely

or I was going to embarrass
her in front of her bosses,

so I stopped going and
things were better.

- Can I be honest with you, George?
- Sure.

I'm not upset

and I don't want to go,

but I'm worried about
Woody going on his own

- and I feel bad for thinking that.
- Yeah, I get that.

I get that. But he'll have
Smiler there with him.

Smiler's nice, but he is, in
his own way, another Woody.

- Aren't you worried about it?
- Me?

Well, this is a huge
opportunity for them, right?

I guess so.

And for you, as the guy who put up
the money to start the company.

I would've thought you
might be going along, too,

to protect your investment.

Don't you think that
might be a good idea?

Yes, that'd be a great idea.

- Sit.
- Okay.

I'm really fast at typing and
I know all about computers.

- Will there be a physical?
- What?

Some kind of fitness or medical test?

You're applying for Valerie's job.

The most physical thing she
ever did was make tea.

Okay. I can make tea, by the way.

Good to know.

So, what's the go around here?

Is there like an exam or...

Nope, just one question.

- Cool.
- Why?

Why, what?

Why in God's name do you want this job?

- So I can be a cop.
- Okay, new question.

Why?

You've spent most your life flirting
with the wrong side of the law

and taking great pleasure in it.

I'm an excellent flirt, so sue me.

Because I think I'd be good at it?

Because what else am I cut out for?

Surfing? Waitressing?

Chasing down summer boys, until
I'm this wrinkled old wahine,

from spending too much
time in the water,

having one night-stands with
guys I don't care about?

In other words, some poor, sad
woman who's amounted to nothing

in the town she loves, where not one
single person takes her seriously?

When Terry sh*t through on me, Tom,

the old party girl I was, went with him.

I can't go back to being her.

I will consider it.

Thought the website was up and running.

It needs to keep ticking over, George,

looking like an evolving being.

You mean, real?

Take it, you're not down with
the whole symposium thing?

I think Woody should
have told her the truth.

So, you talked to Shay?

About the Laura thing? No, I haven't.

I just want to be sure
that she's ready for it.

Maybe Woody started out doing
that, but we're doing this instead.

Well, quite frankly, I'm surprised
you've bought into Woody world.

Why?

Because of this...
this path you're on.

What, as the dude who sees dead people?

Yeah, yeah. Shouldn't you be above
this kind of scam?

- Is that what this is?
- Yeah, on some level. Yes.

I mean, I thought you were
dwelling on a higher plane?

What my kaitiaki gave me,
George, it isn't a full-time job.

It's not like I'm gonna live naked
in the bush and howl at the moon.

No, no. You're just the guy
who passes on the messages.

Hey, I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm still me.

I hope.

Must be good, having your mum here.

Yeah, she's like Mr Miyagi and
I'm that dumb 'Karate Kid'.

You're far from dumb, Ike.

I can't give Shay what she deserves.

You know that.

So, I'm just trying to do what's right.

- Not always easy.
- Sucks.

Where is he? Hey, Georgey!

I'm gonna hug you to pieces, mate.

Oh, do you have to?

I take it, you've spoken to Tracey.

Oh. And, mate, she cannot be more
happy with this turn of events.

Ignorance is bliss, hey?

The three ARSES on their way to save
the world through renewable energy.

The conference isn't real, Smiler.

Well, I find it easier to live
the lie, if I commit to it %.

Yeah, I reckon there's something
in that for all of us.

- Don't you reckon, George?
- I have my doubts.

Can I be honest and say that I've
never really thought of Siouxsie

as a boot camp person?

I have noticed that I tend to do all
the work, while she shouts at me.

Yeah, well, as long as
it's working for you both.

Hey, did you sort that fly problem?

We have a fly problem?

Apparently, we have dead
flies on our windowsills.

Dying flies.

"Don't be like that dying
fly on the windowsill."

Yes.

How do you know about that?

Is this not about actual flies?

It is, but it isn't. Did Mum tell you?

In a manner of speaking.

She swore it was between us.

Man, you can't trust anyone, these days.

So it has a meaning to you?

Yeah, absolutely.

You remember that time you and
Uncle Terry went off to sort out

his life by eating and drinking
your way around the Hunter Valley,

and Mum took time off work
to stay home and be Mum?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, well,

I didn't deal so well with the fact
that I didn't get to go with you,

and I may have stirred up
some major strife at school.

Mum had to sit in the principal's
office while she ripped into me,

gave me this huge speech about
how I was wasting my life.

And in the middle of it,
the principal said,

"Shay, don't be like that
dying fly on the windowsill."

Anyway, then, Mum went
all scary lawyer on it

and all the charges were dropped.

And afterwards, when we walked
out of the office, she said,

"What the hell was the thing
with the dying fly all about?"

And I cracked up and
then she cracked up.

So we made it this thing between us,
that if I was ever goofing around,

she would tell me not
to be that dying fly.

Man, I can't believe she told you.

She didn't.

You just said she did.

No, I said, "In a manner of speaking."

She told Ike.

Ike told me.

Mum was one of those people
who visited Ike out at sea?

And she told him the dying fly story?

That's what he says.

Okay, that's freaky

and also kind of underwhelming for
a message from beyond the grave.

It's not a message
from beyond the grave.

Well, it ticks all the boxes.

There's a dead person
and a message from...

I'm the one who told Ike about it.

We were in bed, in his caravan,
when we first hooked up.

And there was this fly and
it was on the windowsill,

dying, and I told him
how the principal said,

"Don't be like that dying
fly on the windowsill."

Inspirational.

Funny how the mind works.

Monty, stop looking at the door.

- It's pathetic.
- It's called hope, Dad.

Ngahuia's not the sort of woman
to make the same mistake twice.

She might be.

And lay off the cologne, will you?
You'd make a rhino's eyes water.

To be honest,

I think it was the cologne
that did the trick last time.

Yeah, well, she fled straight after.

Table, boss?

Don't call me that.

And I'm here to pick up.
Didn't feel like cooking.

- So, you've made up your mind then?
- You're on a shortlist.

Of one?

Can't put numbers on it, at this stage.

What if I was to wow you with my
incredible powers of deduction?

Would that sway things my way?

The deduction of what, exactly?

It has come to my attention, all is
not as it seems in our sleepy town.

Members of our community have been
gathering behind closed doors,

coming up with a secret plan which
involves a badly titled conference

in a faraway place, which all
seems pretty suspicious,

if you ask me.

- Don't know what you're on about.
- I'm on about how Woody

can't marry Tracey because he's
already got a wife in Australia.

How did you work all that out?

When it comes to flushing out
a weak link in a conspiracy

of silence, I have skills.

- Tell me.
- I can't.

- Tell me or I'll keep doing this.
- Ow.

Every time I see you walking down
the street, I'll come up behind you.

Ow! Stop!

No, I won't. And you
won't ever see it coming.

Okay, I will tell you.

You seriously think you can
blackmail your way into this job?

Eh? No! This isn't blackmail.

That would be horrible and
I would never do that.

I seriously thought you
would be impressed

by how I figured this out.

Kind of like a cop.

Well, all right. You can have the job.

- Yes! You will not regret this.
- I already am.

Fiona. First of all, the bad news.

Even though I love you, I quit!

- Sorry?
- Now for the good news.

You are looking at the
new sheriff in town.

Yeah... It's not...
Station support officer.

Ahh! Same diff! sh*ts are on me!

- Sorry.
- I have a feeling you will be.

Linguine?

I've got to tell you, having George
on board has just taken a load off

my mind. I mean, it's taken a
load off all of our minds, eh?

Yeah, right. Hey, you
might need a tie for

the Saturday night cocktail party.

Oh, no. George will have ties.

I'll just borrow one of his, and
a nice shirt, maybe some pants.

- Woody?
- Mm-hmm.

I just want you to know that
I'm really proud of you

for doing this, so I got you something.

- Is that a ring?
- What?

Because I haven't got you
one yet, which I will,

- you just figured you'd get in first.
- It's not a ring, Woody.

Oh, sorry.

Oh!

I got the art design teacher
to do them up for you.

I thought it might help
with the networking.

You do know what networking is, right?

Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I'm off for a surf. Shay's boot camping.

- You all right to get to school?
- Yeah, I'll get the bus.

Hey, George.

Lindsay. I didn't know you were here.

Yeah, it was kinda
late when I rocked up.

Come on, we'll miss the bus.

See ya.

Hey, are you okay with
the whole Mum thing?

Well, first, I was angry about it.

I mean, what right did Ike
have, talking to her?

And then, I was angry about
being angry about

something that I don't even believe in,

the hereafter and all that stuff.

And now,

I can't help but wonder if
the message isn't for me.

You know, something has to change.

Like what?

I have no idea.

Well, as long as you're
not over-thinking it.

I made a necklace out of
flies once, big blowflies.

My dad drew the line when he
found me trying to superglue

fishing line to some live ones,

so that I could have these matching
earrings that buzzed around my head.

But enough about me.

Back to you and your
search for hidden meaning.

- It's pretty obvious, isn't it?
- Is it?

The fly thing is a crap metaphor

by your principal to get you
to stop wasting your life.

Same deal here, which is what you
and me are sorting, here and now.

Except for one thing. I told
Ike what the principal said.

Not about the Mum part of it.

So?

So what the hell right does
Ike have, talking to my mum?

- Hey.
- Hey.

You were right.

I can't go to Australia.

The whole thing's just a huge mistake.

- Now, you decide this?
- I was awake all last night

and it's just, there's only
one answer and that is to...

I'm going to have to break
up with Tracey and just...

I'm gonna move far, far away.

And now, you're going off
the deep end there, mate.

I don't deserve her, mate.

No, you two are perfect for each other.

No, we're not, George. Okay?
Because she's good and she's pure

and she's honest and I... well,
mate, I'm a dirty, rotten liar.

And I've even turned you into one
as well, so I'm a terrible mate

and I'm gonna make an
even worse husband, again.

Look, you love Tracey. In the
end, that's all that counts.

We're all just trying
to figure this out.

Some are just better at it or
quicker at it than others.

I was the same with Laura.

It's not something you can
throw away, willy-nilly, because,

you never know when
you might find it again.

I'm not a dunga of a mate?

Nah!

And you'll be a much better
husband, this time, too.

Yeah.

Yeah. George, George,
you're the shizz, mate.

Yeah. So maybe telling
Tracey the truth isn't such

a crazy idea after all, eh?

Nah, that's never been an option.

Nah, but if true love
is all that counts,

it doesn't matter how I make Tracey
Mrs Woodson, just so long as I do.

- I appreciate that.
- That's not what I meant, Woody!

- No, I got it.
- Woody!

- Thanks, mate!
- That's not what I meant!

- Shay.
- Ike.

I went to your place.
Zac said you were here.

And here I am.

Doing computer stuff for the
paper, working with my dad.

I guess I am, given that's his desk.

He never mentioned this.

I think he's still getting
used to the idea himself.

Also, he probably didn't
want to upset you.

Probably.

He did tell me about the
dying fly thing, though.

About mum talking to you.

Hey, I'm sorry about that.

I just, um... I kinda felt like
I was crashing your world,

that she should have been talking
to you and not me, you know?

Yeah, you're right.
She should have been.

But I guess it's not like
she gave you a choice.

So what do you think she
was actually saying?

Okay, I have a couple of theories.

On the face of it,

I think she might have been telling
you not to die, to keep fighting.

Yeah, that's the way I
took it, at the time.

Then maybe we shouldn't look
for anything beyond that.

Maybe not.

Go, Mum.

Go, Laura.

What's your other theory?

That the message was for me.

That you and me, we were the flies,

going nowhere, spinning round in
little circles, slowly dying.

Well, in that case, I guess it's a
good thing that we're finally over.

It is.

We bear farewell gifts
for your mighty journey.

- Coffee and a bacon and egg.
- Thanks.

Still can't believe you're going
to a conference on solar panels.

It's not really about the solar panels.
It's more to support Woody.

And to protect your investment.

Yeah, something like that. Don't we
have any decent bags in this house?

- Dad, are you...
- Okay?

You mean, am I okay that Laura,

your mother,

my wife,

popped in to Weld to say
hi, but just, not to us?

Yeah, if you believe in that stuff.

Yeah, well, I think I do.
And no, I'm not okay with it.

And this might be selfish
or wrong or both, but,

I can't help thinking
that I missed out, that...

that we missed out.

Yeah, I felt the same way.
I mean, why talk to Ike?

But then, I figured maybe she was
using him to teach me something.

Or maybe she just didn't want to see me.

I can't help but wonder

if I've done something to offend her.

Maybe she was just being Mum

and lending a hand where
it was most needed.

And whatever that means to you or
me or us or Ike or... you know,

at least he lived to tell the story.

That's Mum, always putting others first.

Yeah.

Maybe she feels that

we didn't need a visit,

that we're doing just okay.

- If you believe in that kind of stuff.
- Works for me.

Yeah, I'll take that.

Come on. You'll be late for
your flash conference.

Thanks, but I really don't want to go.

Have fun, Dad.

Wisdom is more than a box

that gets ticked at the bottom
of the CV of your life.

It's how, when nothing makes sense,

you figure out how to do the right
thing by your kids, your mates,

your one true love,

because they, more than all else,
bring you joy and clarity,

and what else truly matters?

Smile, George. It's a
conference, not a funeral.

Woody!

I hear Hannah was cycling
down the main road,

wearing nothing but a
road cone, last night.

Should've got a photo of that, Tom.

- I'm gonna miss you, babe.
- Aw.

- You'll be back before you know it.
- Yeah. Look, I really love you.

You know that, eh?

Woody, it's just a conference and
you have George to look after you.

- And me.
- Yeah, and Smiler.

- He'll be looking after you, too.
- Yeah.

- I love you.
- Me, too.

This plan of yours better
bloody work, George Turner.

♪ Priests and the, the judges,
rabbis pay very well ♪

♪ We aren't really... ♪