01x10 - Battle of the Bands/The Math Book

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at that sun Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

Yes, now! It's battle of the bands.

I think they'll notice if we don't have microphones.

-And you are? -Milo, Melissa, Zack and Mort.

I mean, the name of your band.

-Do we need a band name? -We're just getting started.

Well, welcome to Battle of the Bands.

-Just Getting Started. -That's not what I meant.

Put this up in your practice area.

[Melissa] So this is our competition, huh?

Yeah, but we're not here to battle.

We're just here to get experience playing in front of people.

[music playing]

I like their band name. Bad Idea.

As in, bad idea if you have to follow them.

Stop worrying.

Our only goal is to experience playing on stage.

All right guys, I got our wristbands.

[thuds loudly]

-[band member 1] You okay? -[band member 2] Yeah. I'm okay.

Guess I'll suit up now.

[clanking]

Now we should be safe of any Murphy's Law-type activity.

Looks sturdy, but I'm still a little nervous.

[hiccups] Ugh. Sorry.

I hiccup when I'm nervous.

We all had nerves when the Lumberzacks first started.

Sure, the costumes alone.

What exactly are you guys worried about?

What if my bass goes out of tune between then and now?

That's not gonna happen. What if no one can hear us?

Or I'm emotionally out of sync?

-Or I have a sneezing fit? -A coughing fit.

-A giggle fit. -A snoring fit.

-I'm a snorer. -Mort, you'll be awake.

I'm preparing for all of the above, plus electrical fires, building instabilities, or llama stampedes.

Hey, guys. There's no pressure for us to be perfect.

Everybody relax.

[inhales and exhales]

Okay. Thanks, Zack.

Okay, I'm going to go get some snacks.

You guys work on...

[screams] See you later, guys!

Relaxing.

I was never anxious about shopping carts.

Until now. [hiccups]

[Shelly] Lumbermax?

Lumbermax? I have your wristbands!

Lumbermax? No, can't be.

Lumbermax. We're right here.

Zack? What are you doing here?

Hey, Max. Lyle, Sean, Melvin.

Oh, we changed their names to Max too.

-Oh. Hi, Maxes. -[all] Hi.

-You competing today? -It's actually our first gig.

So, we'll see how it goes.

I always appreciate some good competition.

I mean, we're really not focused on winning.

I hear you, friend. I relish the rivalry.

But I don't want to be your rival.

I see what you did there. A little reverse psyche.

I'm not reverse psyching anything.

You know. How are you guys doing?

We're making a comeback. Touring, a new album, a music video.

And, there's a Lumbermax themed set of tools.

They sing when you saw. How've you been?

Good! I like my new school, and my friends. Things are good.

Wow, you've had a rough time, why didn't you say?

[chuckles] No! I'm not having a rough time at all.

That's it, let those hard times fuel you.

I better get back to my band. See you later.

Don't b*at yourself up too much.

Second place is great for an amateur musician.

You know what? Ha-ha. Okay! Okay!

You are not going to believe this.

There's a saw that sings?

I picked it up just in case, isn't it cool?

♪ Saw, saw, saw, Saw away at my heart ♪

[narrator reading]

I ran into the Lumberzacks. [chuckles]

They're called the Lumbermax now.

Well now all the good band names are taken.

Who are the Lumberzacks?

Is there some backstory that I'm not...

It was the year 2016. [echoes]

Sorry, I had the reverb up all the way.

The year 2016 and the Lumberzacks were on tour.

We had been to shopping malls all over the quad-state area.

We sing together. We danced together.

[Milo] You wore flannel shirts together.

[Zack] But the pressure was too much.

We started partying constantly.

It was nonstop.

Then one day, a girl came between us.

-I was standing there. -She can stand there.

I was clearly on line.

I don't think it was clear.

Just like that, we drove her away.

So how did it end?

When I left, they didn't take it well.

I'll see you guys. Good luck.

-Okay. -[playing video game]

Plus they all changed their names to Max.

So?

When I was the lead singer, they never changed their names to Zack.

Did you want them to?

No, but that's not the point!

And now they're convinced they're gonna win.

We have got to step up our game.

I thought you said to just relax and something.

I don't know what the rest was.

I... I got carried off on a shopping cart.

If we don't sound great, these guys will really think I'm lost without them.

Wow, this is like one of those movies where there's one dance team from the streets and one dance team is classically trained, and they're both going to do this competition, but then the street team runs out of funding, so they have to raise the money, and then the classically trained dancer leaves the other team and joins them and teaches them the value of hard work.

Exactly! Now pick up your sticks!

Melissa, pick up your bass.

Okay, but I'm telling you now, I'm not changing my name to Zack.

Milo, that accordion's not going to play itself.

Actually, it does, it has a self-play function right here.

That's cool, but another time!

A one-two-three-four.

[music playing]

No, stop! Start again.

One-two-three-four.

[music playing]

Wait, no. Not quite my tempo.

One-two-three-four.

[music playing]

-[thuds] -[rattling]

[dogs whimpering]

Stop! What was wrong with that?

Nothing yet, but I had a feeling something would be.

[dogs whimper]

-I love puppies. -No back talk.

We can replace you with a drum machine.

I play bass.

Okay, then we'll replace Mort with a drum machine and he can play bass.

-I like puppies too. -Yeah, so do I, but you don't see me destroying this band over it!

-Well, actually... -[Shelly] Just Getting Started.

Please, check in backstage.

All right, shake it off.

Put your differences aside. Hands in.

One, two, three...

[all] Just getting started!

Yeah, we really need a better name.

[applauding]

All right. I'd like to introduce our judges.

Judge 1, Miss Whipley, the music teacher at Jefferson Middle School.

Judge 2, Mr. Schmidt.

The manager of the Pets N Stuff U Feed 'Em store, whose parking lot, he's graciously offered for today's event.

And Judge 3, Slash.

[all cheering and applauding]

I'm a big fan, Mr. Slash. Can I have your autograph?

Just call me Slash. Mr. Slash is my dad.

Let's hear it for our first band, -Scott and the Undergrounders! -[applauding]

-[guitar strumming] -♪ He shall be our leader ♪ That... That's it, that's all we have.

Okay.

-Scott and the Undergrounders! -[gas hissing]

Yeah!

-Next up, the Lumbermaxes. -[applauding]

Performing their new song, Saw, saw, saw, saw away at my heart.

[music playing]

[crowd cheering]

♪ I know your pining ♪

♪ But every cloud has Got a silver lining ♪ All he did was change the word "Chop" to "Saw!"

Zack, are you sure you're...

We've got to be great if we're going to b*at them.

Is your bass tuned properly? Let me take a look at it.

♪ My heart is strong... ♪

-[plays bass] -Um, okay.

Yeah, yeah. It seems okay to me.

Yeah. Yeah... You know what, I better just play this for you.

Yeah, I can play both at once. Can't I?

I mean, yeah, yeah. I can do it.

-Yeah. This'll work. -Uh, Zack?

Milo. What about your accordion?

Everything okay with it?

-It's fine. -Let me take a look.

-[plays accordion] -Yeah, looks good.

But you know, maybe, maybe I better play it, too.

Yeah, yeah. I can... I can handle this.

[hiccups]

Mort. Let me check those drums.

-[plays drum] -Yeah. Yeah. Good to go.

Yeah, yeah. This'll be fine. I can do this.

Okay, Just Getting Started, is up next.

And on deck, is Reflective Randy and the See What You've Become's.

What have I become?

Oh, guys, I'm so sorry.

Can you guys forgive me?

Of course we can.

Yeah, because when the classically trained ballerina returns to the street team all repentant, not only do they win the dance competition, but they've all learned the true value of their friendship.

Exactly!

This contest was about us playing music together, not about getting wrapped up in what my old friends think.

I say your new friends show your old friends, you don't need their singing saw.

Yeah, who needs more than one?

♪ So baby, saw, saw, saw, saw away at my heart ♪ Wow. That's gonna be a hard act to b*at.

Good luck to the next band.

Let's hear it for Just Getting Started!

-[applauding] -[drum sticks Ticking]

[music playing]

[clanking]

[crashes]

[groans]

♪ Boom, g*n-powder, Music gets louder ♪

♪ Shakes you down to your soul ♪

[groans]

♪ Jump and shout, Just knock yourself out ♪

♪ You're gonna wanna lose control ♪

-♪ We're all burnin' and churnin' ♪ -[crowd cheering]

♪ Twistin' and turnin.' Sometimes you gotta let go ♪

♪ Don't you know we got a slam, Big jam like a battering ram ♪

♪ So you better look out below ♪

♪ So better buckle up and hold on tight ♪

♪ 'Cuz it's gonna be a Bumpy ride tonight ♪

♪ Boom, g*n-powder, Music gets louder ♪

♪ Shakes you down to your soul ♪

♪ A bumpy ride tonight ♪

♪ Boom, g*n-powder, Music gets louder ♪

♪ Shakes you down to your soul ♪

♪ A bumpy ride tonight ♪

♪ Boom, g*n-powder, Music gets louder ♪

♪ Shakes you down to your soul ♪

♪ A bumpy ride tonight ♪

[crowd cheering]

Yeah! Stage dive!

[splashes quietly]

Guys, that was awesome!

[crowd cheering]

[all] Zack! Good news! We've discussed it and you're back in the band.

Thanks, but I don't want to get back in the band.

Secret message received.

Practice tomorrow at four.

It wasn't a secret message.

Okay.

Okay nothing. I'm not back in the band.

So rehearsal's on Saturday.

Is there any chance you can pick up pizza on the way?

I'm not picking up anything.

-I'm not back in the... -[Slash] Walk away, man.

-[playing guitar] -Just walk away.

[crows cawing]

There it is.

The temple of forgotten math books.

You mean, "School where you happen to always forget your math book"?

It does start looking creepier as the sun goes down.

I hope Miss Camilichec's room isn't locked.

We might need the Great Key Keeper to get in the classroom.

-Who? -Fred the janitor.

Also known as "The Key Keeper."

Because he has a lot of keys.

He's a wise and mysterious force who guides us on quests toward enlightenment.

The janitor at my old school just yelled at us and called us slobs.

Oh, out of batteries.

Hello?

-Hello? -Hello?

-Hello, children. -[all] Principal Milder!

You kids are here a little late.

I forgot a book that I need for my homework.

Again? Melissa, I'm so disappointed.

It's just in Ms. Camilichec's room.

Oh, she locked up early.

Er, can we turn the hall lights on?

No. We need to save money after the school board bought that yacht.

Step into my office, we'll get that key.

I'm giving you my only copy.

And I'm saying thank you.

Why are they describing what they're doing?

I once knew a kid who borrowed one of my classroom keys and didn't return it.

And do you know what happened to that kid?

-No. -Okay, well, if you find out, tell them I would like my keys back.

Someday three children I know will be sitting around saying, "Old Principal Milder, she really taught us something."

You mean us?

Oh, no. Three other kids.

[Zack] I could show you some techniques to help you not forget stuff.

Ooh, "Techniques"?

You could make a list of things you need to take home.

-Oh, I made a list. -And where is it now?

I needed something to hold the page in my math book.

Here it is. And here's the list I made.

See? "Bring home math book."

Lists don't work. Boom!

Well, not if you leave them in the thing, you were trying to remember.

Zack, the key? We need to lock the door.

Oh, I saw it on the desk in there.

The good news is, we have already locked the door.

The bad news is, we have already locked the door.

No! I have to get her key back!

I'm going to be the star of one of her I-knew-a-kid-stories.

Don't worry, no one ever knows what kid she's talking about when she tells them.

Looks like we're going to need the Great Key Keeper after all.

You're right.

He can get us back in. But he's impossible to find.

Some say, he doesn't even exist.

But you said he's the janitor.

Some say, I said he's the janitor.

-It a quest! -Yeah, a quest.

Looking for the janitor is a "quest?"

Okay, do you want a quest or not?

Because if not, there's a chair right there with your name on it.

Literally, in a heart.

By the way, I think that girl Crystal likes you.

Wait. Which one is Crystal?

The one that likes you, apparently.

Wait a minute! On the back of this blank piece of paper.

It's a map of the school!

No, that blank piece of paper is just the back of a map.

What are the odds that we would find this on the very evening of our quest?

Pretty high, since they hand those out to everybody.

Shh! The quest.

Fred?

Weird. The great key keeper doesn't lock his own door.

The Pyramids. Stonehenge.

Well. Nothing lasts forever.

There's gotta be a clue around here somewhere.

-[all gasps] -[all] Mr. Drako?

Oh, children. I stepped inside to get a mop and I got locked inside.

I've done that so many times.

Hey! There's a note.

"Children, follow the path where your feet may squeak, only then will you receive the object you seek."

Ooh, cryptic!

Why? Because it rhymes?

Feet squeak on clean floors.

He's cleaning the hallway!

[all] The quest!

[Zack] Also called just "Looking for the janitor."

[Melissa] Zack!

[all clamoring]

Man, he gets these floors so clean.

We're actually accelerating!

[Melissa] Look out for the Jefferson G. County statue!

[all grunt]

It's falling! [grunts]

Is knocking over that statue part of the "quest"?

You don't have to use air quotes.

-I can't help it. -Could be the quest.

It could also be Murphy's Law, you know.

Something that can go wrong, going wrong.

That's what makes it questy.

-Stop making up words. -[chuckles]

The wet floors stop here.

As if he vanished.

Either that or he did this area first, and it just had time to dry.

-[pounding] -b*at them. Knock them clean.

[all coughs]

The hall monitors are cleaning the erasers! [coughs]

Quick, put on these dust-filtering masks.

[Zack] And they have animal faces on them because?

[Milo] They serve a variety of purposes.

b*at them. Knock them clean. b*at them like a tambourine.

[Zack] It's jammed!

It's like my dad always says, "The only way out is through a creepy dark corridor."

[quietly] Milo.

Oh, that's just the school Halloween decorations.

[Zack] So, these are just decorations too?

-Oh, no, yours are real. -[both scream]

-Get them off! -Get them off!

Uh-oh.

We're going to grow old in here, and they'll find us when we're like, 24.

And Principal Milder will still be talking about how irresponsible I am!

Hang on!

I think I have something that can get us out!

So that's what our student ID's are for.

So this is the library.

It's like the Internet, but on paper.

Hey, wait.

One red book...

[Zack] So how are we going to get out?

I think that was our only way in.

[screams]

What were you doing?

I was tilting a book to see if there was a secret passageway.

[crumbles]

Wow... I was absolutely sure that would not work.

It's so dark in here. I can't see anything.

I got that covered.

How's this going to work?

I got a generator in my backpack.

You know, this reminds me of the time my family and I fell into an undiscovered Aztec temple and we had to...

-[generator running] -[inaudible]

-[generator goes down] -...the museum.

Oh, the generator ran out of gas.

So the Mona Lisa that's hanging in the Louvre right now isn't even the real one?

Nope. That was painted by my cousin Reggie.

Though to be fair, Reggie is an above-average artist.

Hey look, guys, the Great Key Keeper left us a sign!

Yes! I knew he wouldn't let us down.

-A mop bucket? -No, not a mop bucket.

A sign on the...

-[sarcastically] Quest. -Guys, up here!

I've seen this before.

Me too. Maybe in a dream.

Or during second period.

Goggles everyone!

In case of a chemical splatter or Bunsen burner incident or...

-[smashes] -Ferret att*ck!

[gasps] I'd just gotten them down for the night.

Sam, Betty, Jackie, Skylar!

[Melissa] A clue!

See. Goggles.

You brought the ball back!

[chuckles] Today must be my lucky day.

The janitor caught a pop fly up on the roof only minutes ago.

[all] Hey. It's like I've got a whole new crop of outfielders.

[groans]

Please, please let that happen.

Did you say the janitor was on the roof?

Well, I assumed it was the janitor.

I mean, I... I've never really met the guy, you know.

Although sometimes I swear he's guiding me with little messages.

-Is... Is that stupid? -[both] No!

Yeah, I'm going to reserve comment.

Well, no janitor. What now?

I don't know, I guess we go back to...

Oh...

I think this whole day was a lesson about automatically locking doors.

Hey! We're right over Ms. Camilichec's classroom.

Do you think...

My dad always says "When one door closes, there's usually access through a vent in the roof."

Oh, hey, my art pad, I need that too.

I forgot I even forgot that.

Got it!

[gasps]

[Milo] Oh, it's the drama club.

What's with the scary masks?

We're doing commedia dell'arte.

I'm Pantalone, the greedy Venetian merchant. [snickering]

Come back here!

[wailing]

[alarm ringing]

Quiet everyone, this is not a drill!

Principal Milder, it's not a fire.

[Milo] Sorry, we...

[Principal Milder] You know, I once knew three children who didn't enact their fire drill lessons and one day, those three...

I said to them, "You think you're going to have it better than this out in the wild, go ahead, run free, fly the nest.

But under my roof, you'll obey my rules."

-[ferrets sqeaking] -And it was like, something clicked.

Or maybe it's just that cheesy cr*cker you got stuck to your foot.

By the way, while we were up on the roof, I put on a new coat of sealant.

You know, I once knew a child who was always up on roof tops sealing vents.

Do you know what happened to him?

He's a successful contractor?

Hmm... Interesting theory.

Did you have fun on the "quest"?

You mean the quest, no quotes.

Yes, I did.

But it's too bad, we never meet the key keeper.

Oh, come back! I have more cheese crackers!

It's you! The Great Key Keeper!

-Fred the Janitor! -Yes, hello.

We really appreciate your help.

My math book would thank you if it could speak.

I hereby bestow these treasures upon you and your trusty allies.

We will treasure these always.

That's fine.

But first, go help clean up the hallway.

Okay, but hang on.

-Zack! Over here! -Zack! Zack!

It's the Key Keeper, come here!

The Great Key Keeper!

He's gone.

But he left us another sign.

Oh! I forgot this.

♪ It's my world and We're all livin' in it ♪

♪ We're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ 'I'm not sitting here Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world and We're all livin' in it ♪