01x18 - Fungus Among Us

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at that sun Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

-Oh! Dad and Milo are out for the day. -[breathing heavily]

Argh.

I figured it was a good day to work on anything I don't want set on fire.

What're you up to?

Lunch with someone I have been secretively and clandestinely pining over for months.

Don't feel bad you didn't know, I play things very close to the vest.

Neal from the comic shop?

Oh. Yeah. Well. We may or may not be going on a date.

OK, I don't need to know.

No, I don't know.

It might be a date or it might be as friends.

Well, did he ask like, "Wanna have lunch?" or "You wanna have lunch?"

He asked with a lunchbox emoji and a question mark.

OK.

What was his tone when he was texting?

Exactly!

I remember the first time I went out with your father.

He brought an extra hazmat suit just for me.

That's how I knew it was a date.

So you think it's a date?

Please. Warn Dad.

Initiate the necessary precautions!

[Martin Murphy] Hello.

Oh, hi, hon! You think you could text Sara when you're on your way back?

She either got a date or not a date at the Diner Downtown.

Got it. We'll keep Murphy's law far away from the date-not-date at the Diner Downtown.

Bye, honey.

-Bye, Mom! -Bye, Mrs. Murphy!

Bye, Mrs. Milo's mom!

Well, luckily for Sara and us, today the full force of Murphy's Law will be on Bluster Mountain!

Flying down hilly, slippery surfaces at increasing velocity!

Are you sure we should be doing this with two Murphys?

[scoffs] Milo and I have been skiing lots of times.

Snow is soft and it melts.

Unlike, for example, concrete.

Which is... The worst invention in the history of mankind.

The worst.

There are only so many things that can go wrong with snow.

Sixty-two, actually. I brought a list.

[growls]

[all scream]

And that is one of them.

Giant snowman, check.

That was number 12.

[both swallowing]

So... How long have you been a Doctor Zone fan?

Hmm...

[gasps] Well, the truth is, my dad used to watch it when I was in fourth grade and I got to the point where I would run downstairs every time I heard the theme song and then I wouldn't wanna watch anything else, and then I watched every episode until I could write it down from memory and then I asked my mom if I could change my name to Time Ape, and she said no.

[man coughs]

That is really weird.

Um, I think I need to go.

I'll see you around the comic shop, a place where I work but in which I am not at all personally invested.

No, no, no!

No, what?

No... Mustard?

[gulps]

If you feel that strongly about it.

[sighs]

I like that you have strong feelings about things.

-You do? -Yeah.

Not many of my friends have that quality.

Oh, we're friends...

Not a date.

[exhales]

It sure is nice to finally get up here.

It's just so relaxing.

-[screaming] -Whoa!

Ow! Just a sprain.

Ugh! Happens all the time. Gah!

Have fun! Oof!

Meet you back at the lodge for hot cocoa!

Movin' right along on that list.

-It's not a to-do list. -I know.

I don't want to see anyone hit a tree or anything.

-Tree! -Ahhh-oh.

Thanks. Great reflexes.

Whoa! Whoops.

Whoa!

I ordered this from a company online.

They make skis and crutches.

You really are prepared for everything on that list!

Maybe you should read it to me, so I'm prepared, too.

-Emotionally. -Hmm. What fun would that be?

[wolves growling]

Does your list include wolf att*cks?

Aah!

What are they running from?

Get out of the way, you stupid wolf!

And that's why I didn't think Time Ape was Doctor Zone's brother.

People don't talk about Time Ape on dates.

It was your theory about the Chromium Gazebonate that convinced me. It was brilliant!

Compliment! One point for date.

[belches] Ooh, excuse me.

Not date.

-Date! -Not date!

-Date! -Not date.

[laughs uncomfortably]

[all] Don't worry. He can't see us.

Large sheet of metal on a steep incline covered in ice.

And we think it's a good idea to slide down it?

I don't wanna tempt fate around Milo.

But it seems pretty safe.

And we can see the end of it.

[all screaming and laughing]

That silly bolt popped right out of there.

Yeah, right out.

There's only one more bolt holding that thing in.

Yep. Just one.

If that other bolt popped out of there, this metal sheet'll roll up like a big spool!

Yep. A spool.

Probably shoulda told somebody or done something about it instead of standing here yappin'.

Yep. Probably.

[all] Whoa-ho!

Yeah that was fun!

[all screaming]

Maybe that list was incomplete.

No, this was like number seven.

But, we've made it to the lodge...

That's where we are supposed to meet Dad.

You know, I really don't like it when they put free samples in these magazines.

Makes it very awkward to read.

Oh, come on!

That might not've been a good idea...

[all scream]

[all scream]

Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the team, I present this placard to Sergio McGuiness who has broken the land speed record on snow aboard his ship, Snow Flyer 3.

[all cheering]

Thank you. Thank you.

I cannot believe this day has happened.

I have worked for this dream my entire life.

My dad tried to break this record aboard the Snow Flyer 2...

And d*ed. [sniffles]

My grandfather d*ed aboard the Snow Flyer 1.

I spent my whole life here building the Snow Flyer 3.

My wife and kids left me.

But I'm here. I feel good!

I did it, Dad!

-I... -[screaming]

[crowd] Come back here.

So I was thinking, we could go to that cool downtown comic shop.

It has all the same comics, but they're arranged more... interestingly?

-Date! -Friend!

-Date! -"Arranged more interestingly"?

Who says that to someone they're interested in?

-Date! -[laughs uncomfortably]

Or not?

Let's go!

[all scream]

Looks like we are headed for town!

[screeches]

Oh, my...

Baby quails!

[straining]

[all scream]

Those aren't quails! They're partridges!

-Get out of here! -[train horn sounds]

-[all scream] -Hang on!

Hey! The Diner Downtown!

Sara's date-not-date!

Can't we just put our feet out and try to stop?

Depends how much you like your feet.

All we can do is try to steer clear of the restaurant!

Right!

Left!

Right! Uh, further right!

-Yeah! -Whoa, that was close!

Milo, you did it!

[engine whirring]

You'll never take me alive!

[sirens blaring]

[officer, over speaker] Please, sir, just don't hurt the commemorative plaque!

Isn't this place... Interestingly laid out?

Mmm-hmm.

Sara, do you not like comics anymore?

No. Uh. Yes.

[stuttering] I know, I've been weird today.

I've been a little in my head about it.

Ugh, I know what you mean.

Sometimes, it's like there are these cosplaying versions of myself in my head debating, and I have to be like, "Shut up, Turgenite alien Neal!"

[laughs uncomfortably]

Or shut up, out loud Neal.

-[Milo, Melissa and Zack scream] -[crash]

[boy] Aw, man! And I just arranged it all so interestingly.

[Sara coughing]

Hey, Sara and Neal from the-comic shop!

I don't call you that around the house or anything.

I don't call you anything.

I've never mentioned you.

Of course I mention you, but only the normal amount.

-[metal rattling] - [all] Huh?

Uh-oh, looks like the boiler's overheating.

-I'll explain later! -[all scream]

[Neal] Hey, it's my sister!

-Lizzie! -Hey, Neal!

Is that Sara from the comic shop?

[both laugh uncomfortably]

[singing] ♪ Toboggans ♪

♪ Are not where you Typically look for romance ♪

♪ 'Cause there's no way to steer ♪

♪ So you might hit a deer Or get snow in your pants ♪

♪ Oh, but it's thrilling to be ♪

♪ In a moving death trap Like this, you can see ♪

♪ Then when push comes to shove ♪

♪ This could be a toboggan of love ♪

♪ Toboggan of love ♪

♪ Toboggan of love ♪

[all] Oh, hey, Scott!

Oh, hey, I've been landscaping.

You like what I've done with the place?

[both laugh]

Aah.

[Milo] Hey, Cavendish, Dakota!

-Hey, Murphy. - Hey, Milo.

[barking]

Diogee, This isn't safe for a dog.

Go home!

And check.

I guess it was a to-do list.

Sorry about that.

Are you kidding?

That was the best first date ever!

It was a date, right?

[gasps] All finished.

[barking]

[groans]

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪ Oh, come on. We had ye olde pizza last week!

What? That was like 72 hours ago.

It's not still in my stomach.

I want a corn dog!

Do you know what a corn dog is?

Well, apparently it's ground pig meat shoved in a sheep's intestine dipped in corn batter and deep fried.

Well, I guess you do!

[Dakota] Get me one while you're... Wait... Wait, uh, look out!

[people screaming]

-Aah! -Argh...

Here we go again.

Did you see that guy get crushed?

Yeah, yeah, I'm workin' on it.

[man] Look out, look out!

[narrator reading on-screen text]

Oh come on. We had ye olde pizza last week!

What? That was like 72 hours ago.

It's not still in my stomach.

[shushing]

Hey, Cavendish, could you go close the top?

Oh, certainly.

-Really? -Yup.

A/C unit, right on the head.

Here, send me a postcard.

Yeah, thanks.

So anyway, what do you want to eat?

I want a corn dog!

I'm way ahead of you.

Ta-da!

Excellent!

When did you get these?

When you weren't looking.

Gosh, how fortunate.

You could have been hurt.

Yeah, I coulda been hurt.

That's the take away here.

Hmm, all right, I guess it's my turn.

[Zack] Are you guys ready to go?

Hamosaur 2 waits for no man!

I'm two T-shirt excited!

It'll be downtown today from 2:00 to 2:15 as part of its official Hamosaur 2 tour.

Since the original Hamosaur disappeared earlier this year under mysterious circumstances.

No big mystery.

It chased me into the Colorado River.

[groans]

[all] Oh, no, Hamosaur!

Hold up. You saw the original Hamosaur?

It's a long story.

-How long? -About 11 minutes.

Well, Hamosaur 2 's gonna be even better.

As soon as we find my shoes, we're gone!

[blows] These should do it.

Uh, I... I can't really wear sneakers with laces.

Wait, what? Why not?

I... I feel like I should know the answer to this and don't.

-Give. -OK, um...

Have either of you guys ever seen a pair of lace-up sneakers over a telephone wire or on the side of the road?

Here, how about you explain on the way?

Don't want to be late!

Well, um, maybe.

I'm gonna order a new pair of shoes now in case mine really are lost.

Same day delivery guaranteed.

Those are some fast shoes.

Not fast enough! Let's go!

You see, I'm a time traveler, and my partner Cavendish d*ed on the job. So I went back in time and saved him.

But now that means there's two me's, two Dakotas in this time period and only one Cavendish, -and you can't do that. -You can't do that?

No way. Big no-no. so, I'm sending myself away.

To an island. Yeah, not quite sure what I'm gonna find when I get there...

Except for a bunch of me's.

This happens much more often than you'd think.

Me first!

[exclaiming and laughing]

[groaning]

Me first!

No, no, this way. Over here.

[screaming]

[screams]

[neighs]

You must really care about him to make that kind of metaphysical sacrifice of your alternate time-line self...

He's Cavendish. What are you gonna do?

Good luck on your island, Dakota!

Thanks, Francis, and don't worry about your grandson!

I'm sure it's just a phase!

Nah, he's a bad seed.

Uh, may I help you?

Uh yeah, I think I'm supposed to travel on this ship?

Uh, please may I take a look at your ticket?

You've booked one-way passage to the unknown island shrouded in mystery.

Your room for the trip is on deck Y next to the cargo hold.

You may hear the sounds of caged, wild exotic animals, but your room comes with a complimentary bottle of water and satellite TV.

Um... Who are you?

I'm the captain.

Of this boat?

Oh. I see. Is it my appearance?

The shirt? Would you prefer I wore a rugged turtle neck?

And that I wore a dirty old captain's hat?

No I... I...

Maybe a permanent five o'clock shadow of a beard

-and a Russian accent? -No, I... I didn't mean to...

A piece of wood for a leg?

-No-no, I, uh... -Would that satisfy you?

-I just thought... -Only some salty old sea dog is qualified to be captain of a ship like this?

No, I... I didn't...

Sir, I graduated top of my class at Naval Academy, and for 11 years I've lead this crew to the darkest parts of the ocean.

But that's probably not enough for some people.

I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. I never meant any...

We sail in an hour. Right up the ramp, sir.

-Gee, I... I... -Please watch your step.

Uh, thanks.

[screeching]

That's OK, Gary. We won't that judgmental man ruin a perfectly good Wednesday.

How much further is it to Hamosaur? sI don't know. I can't think.

I'm wearing two T-shirts.

So, Milo, what was the deal with the sneakers and the telephone wires?

Laces and I just don't get along.

You just have to try, Milo.

The rabbit goes into his house.

[Milo struggling]

It doesn't make any sense!

This doesn't make any sense!

I know!

[all scream]

I hope your stay was satisfactory. Good day to you, sir.

Gee, I... I... I'm sorry, I didn't...

[parrot screeching]

Gary, we're better than that.

Leave the judgmental man alone as he rows off to his doom.

-I never meant any... -Bottle of water?

Thanks.

[parrot screeching]

No, Gary, let the doomed man be.

[parrot screeching]

Gary, rise above it.

[grunts]

Uh, hello?

-[grunts] -Oh, sorry.

I... I'm... I'm looking for...

Well, I... I'm looking for myself, actually.

Have you seen anyone who looks like me?

[men chanting] We-go!

This was not in the brochure!

[all chanting] We-go!

Help!

[all] Zoo-oh!

[Dakota] I'm not even cold, really.

[all chanting] We're going to the zoo!

-I'm... I'm... -[all] We're going to the zoo!

[all] And then we're gonna see some animals!

Oh, oh! I get it!

[past Dakota] Hi, hi, you guys.

[crowd] Hello.

Bienvenido.

Welcome to the island of lost Dakotas!

Forgive the initiation. you know.

We get bored. But we're not gonna cook you.

Aw, man...

[phone beeps]

Ah, my new shoes have shipped!

Well, that's a relief!

Hey, look!

Hamosaur 2!

♪ Don't think I can handle one more thing ♪ Uh-oh.

♪ I've got no time to play ♪

[all scream]

♪ I'm like a package All wrapped in string ♪

♪ I'm all tied up today ♪

♪ Got no room for more commitments ♪ Hey!

Hey, you kids, get away from my trailer before you damage something back there!

♪ II'm all tied up with you ♪ Hi, folks. Welcome to the 5th street rededication ceremony.

We all remember the events of the runaway antique fire truck and the damage it caused here.

But as your mayor, I'm proud to say we're back!

Businesses are open.

-[rumbling] -And...

Is there something behind me?

Is it one of the Murphys?

Murphys... Yeah, yeah.

Out of control water truck? Giant boulder?

No, no... Oh, yeah!

Giant dinosaur-like creature of some kind!

Yeah, oh, th-that's nice, yeah, there it goes, yeah.

Yeah. Get that mailbox. Yeah.

I love being mayor here. I love it.

-I love it. -[feedback]

You know, this seems like a lot of shoe lace for just two sneakers.

There are no applicable physics for this!

Look!

Uh...

Ah-ha!

♪ I'm juggling a lot of balls here ♪ Oh, would you look here, folks!

♪ I can't answer any more calls, dear ♪

♪ All tied up today ♪ Oh, would you look here, folks!

Here it comes again!

Oh, Murphy's got it moon-walking somehow.

Real nice, Murphy!

You missed a lamp post.

No! I love being mayor here.

No!

♪ I'm all tied up with you ♪

♪ I'm all tied up with you ♪ Did you guys know those plastic things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets?

[bird screeching]

[Dakota leader] Yeah, we had you going.

Yeah, I was really worried. Yeah.

Seemed like were, you know, you gonna... Gonna eat me.

Us? No. We would never.

I mean, Cannibal Dakota, he woulda eaten you.

But we keep him on a tight leash.

I cannot believe this.

How did you do this? All of this?

Well, we keep busy.

We manufacture and export.

We got a factory that makes sodas and girdles.

We got a factory that makes shoes.

We couldn't get the aglets right so we just make slip-ons.

The latest order just went out when you came in.

Should be delivered right about now.

Hmm! Right on time!

You know, this place is amazing!

It is. The only problem, besides Cannibal Dakota, Really-smelly Dakota and Birthday-suit Dakota...

-[birthday suit Dakota] It's my birthday! Put on some pants!

The only problem is that Cavendish can never know about this place, or us.

Yeah, I know.

Come on. It's movie night.

We've tapped into closed circuit security cameras all over time and space, so we can keep an eye on us and Cavendish.

We record it and watch it later for fun.

Selfish? I'm selfish?

But I... Ugh.

But I saved you...

The last corndog.

-Here it is. -Huh. Well. Thank you.

[all] Aww!

I'm just thinking, what did Cavendish do to deserve all this effort?

He's Cavendish. Whatya gonna do?

Whatya gonna do?

[all] Whatya gonna do?

[cannibal Dakota] I'm still hungry!

[Dakota] Back in your cage, Cannibal Dakota.

♪ We're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa, I'm not sitting here Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪