Miss Leslie Knope,
I present to you Herb Scaifer.
Again, Andy,
you don't need to bow.
As you wish, ma'am.
Okay, Herb,
what can I do you for?
Well, please prepare yourself.
I have terrible news.
You do?
The world is going
to end tomorrow at dawn.
Aw nuts.
You sure it's tomorrow?
Afraid so.
Right at dawn.
The entire planet...
- Gone.
- Not giving me much notice, Herb.
- Let me see what I can do.
- Okay.
For a while in the 1970s,
our town was run by a freaky cult.
Every few years,
the remaining members predicted
the world's gonna end.
And they have an all-night
vigil in the park.
It's super annoying.
Turns out when you think
the world's ending,
you don't aim so carefully
in the port-a-potties.
♪ ♪
Tonight, the followers
of "Reasonableism"
will be joining together to
await the return of Zorp.
The giant lizard god who
will destroy the Earth
with his cleansing
fire of judgement.
Also light refreshments
will be served.
Oh, last year they had pizza.
Are they gonna have pizza again?
Uhm... says they've got
turkey sandwiches
and the nectar
of a thousand sorrows.
Oh, that is so good!
It's root beer and red wine.
I went to one meeting.
Wait!
Gonna miss you,
enormous chair.
- You really sat on this thing?
- Yes! I loved it.
Felt like a tiny king.
T-cup!
We did it, baby.
We built a company
from the ground up.
And the we ran it
back into the ground.
The important thing to remember...
is that it was a massive success.
Remy Martin?
Along with pets.com,
Blockbuster and Askjeeves.
My company is no better
than a company where you ask
a fake butler
to Google things for you.
Hello!
So it looks like we'll each
end up with about $5,000 apiece.
Stop.
We get five g's each?
That's amazing!
You started out with 450,000.
Remember when DJ Bluntz made us
our own personal entrance b*at?
Remember the opening night party
when you danced so hard
with Tess the recepcionist
and you broke one of your ribs?
It never healed properly.
Every breath is agony.
Stop.
So what's next,
Tommy Davidson?
I say we invest our ten large
and then I "accidentally"
get run over by a city bus.
and we start our own
hip-hop label.
Listen, we could play it safe.
But that's not what
e720 is all about.
No, it is not.
We have this place
for one more night, right?
We're outtie tomorrow
at noon.
What if we took
every dime we had left,
threw one last party.
Made it the essence of everything
we wanted the company to be.
A party...
For the end of the world.
Shh! You had me at
"every dime we have left."
Because I'm in
like Lara Flynn...
Boyle... from "The Practice."
Dilly dilly dilly
dilly dilly dilly dilly swag!
Why does the cult call
themselves "The Reasonableists"?
Well, they figure if
people criticize them
it'll seem like they're
attacking something
very reasonable.
That's weirdly brilliant.
Look, there's nothing
to worry about.
They've said that the world
is going to end 15 times.
And the only bad thing
that's ever happened
on any of those dates is
Lance Armstrong
dumping Sheryl Crow.
- That was a tragic day.
- Hmm.
Live strong.
In any rate, I think Ben and I
should accompany you tonight.
Oh, I don't think
we have to do that.
No, no, no, I insist.
These people
live on planet nutbrain.
I live on planet nut bran.
Bran and nuts are very
helpful for your colon!
Well, it looks like
we're kind of forced
to hang out with each other.
Yeah, listen,
I'll--I'll come for a bit,
but if it's okay with you,
I'm not going to stay.
It's just, you know,
still kind of weird, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
mm-hmm, totally get it.
Definitely get it.
Ben and I don't
hang out much these days.
Big deal,
lots of people don't hang out.
Jerry and April.
Obama and Madonna, probably.
We're in good company.
What should we do tonight?
I don't know, I just figure
we'll just order some pizza.
You watch me play Xbox,
and then I could watch you
make some prank phone calls?
We get hammered?
Make out?
We do that every night.
That's because repetition
is the key to a good marriage.
Let's do something weird.
Come on, it could be
the last night on earth.
We could do something
off my bucket list.
You have a bucket list?
Catch the winning touchdown
at the super bowl.
Make the most amazing
grilled-cheese sandwich ever.
Win the lottery.
Ride a unicycle.
Invent something.
Fly first class on a plane.
And when people are walking by,
be like this:
Go skydiving.
Outrun a hippo.
I'd like to remake the movie
Kazaam with Shaquille O'Neal
where he plays a genie
and I'd like to get it right.
Teach my son
to throw the perfect spiral.
Have a son.
All right, well, this
is what we're doing tonight.
Wait, which one?
We can change my cell phone plan.
- That would be fun.
- No.
This one.
800, 900, 1,000.
And how much
is left in the bank account?
18 dollars
and four cents.
Whoa!
Still a lot left over.
Okay, you wanted to hold
$1,000 cash in your hands?
That's super disappointing.
998, 999, 1000.
Yes!
Now this is what I imagined!
Have you ever seen this much
cash in your entire life?
I just handed it to you.
Nickels!
I want nickels.
- A billion nickels!
- No, Andy.
Hey, Herb?
- - Yeah? - Sorry to bother you.
- Yeah, sure.
Leslie says you still need
to pay for the permit, it's $28.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Here's the check.
You can cash that tomorrow.
Evening, gentlemen, ladies.
- Hey, Ron!
- Hail Zorp.
How are you?
I'm great.
It is a beautiful night
for the end of the world.
Congratulations to all of you
for reaching the finish line.
The Zorpies are ridiculous.
But, like the founding fathers,
I believe in absolute
freedom of religion.
Also their ceremonies require
the playing of flutes.
I happen to make flutes
in my wood shop.
Flutes are $80 apiece.
And recorders are 150.
Hey, they're beautiful.
Would you take a check?
Sure.
Welcome to E720's
end of the world celebration.
The entire party's a VIP area.
There's also
a double VIP area.
A triple VIP area.
And the Centurion Club
elite VIP area.
Sponsored by Sobe Lifewater.
- No one's allowed in there,
not even us. - Uh-uh.
We have not one,
but six open bars.
And best of all,
Snake Juice ice fountain.
Show 'em, T!
Juice is so chilled!
Craps!
Roulette!
Ahrrr!
Pirate ship bouncy castle
with bubbles.
Shrimp wall.
And special VIP
shrimp distributor
Indiana Pacers' Center
Roy Hibbert.
Is all you want me to do?
Pass out shrimp
to people at the party?
Yes, and stop
asking questions!
Got a head?
Maybe you want a free Fedora.
Wanna make out?
Go to out make out room.
And before you leave,
don't forget the gift bag.
Jean-Ralphio, there are animals
on the guest list tonight?
Let me check, T.T.
Oh, just one.
Bengal Tiger!
We also hired ten huge, scary
bouncers with earpieces.
- What up, Keith?
- Mmm.
He actually once tossed me
out of a club three years ago.
Water under the bridge.
DJ Bluntz is mixing up
some new beats.
Only 200 people will be admitted
to retain exclusivity.
Ballers and ballerettes,
fasten your seatbelts.
The perfect party begins...
Clink! Now.
Thank God.
No one shows up
to a good party on time.
If anybody actually
showed up right now,
the whole party
would have been ruined.
It would have been
a disaster.
I don't want
to go to that party.
Does the city consider them
a thr*at to public safety?
Oh, not at all,
Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
It's been over 30 years,
since there's any incident
involving the Reasonableists.
So I shouldn't interpret
anything from the fact
that there are two people from
the city manager's office here?
Well, nothing except that
I had nothing better to do.
Which probably says
more about me than them.
Thanks.
- Thanks.
- Headline idea.
"It's the end of the world
as they know it,
but Pawnee feels fine."
- It's a little long.
- Okay, "Zorp Shmorp!
"Doomsday prediction
falls flat
"as citizens spend
pleasant evening
enjoying one of Pawnee's
finest parks."
Somehow longer.
Right, okay let's
go with the first one.
Great, um, hey, also...
He's cute.
Is he single, do you know?
Chris? No.
He's actually
dating Jerry's daughter.
Oh, no sorry, I meant Ben.
What's his story?
- Who?
- Ben?
I-I don't know.
I--I'm not s--
I'm not sure.
He's, um,
a man and he's a worker.
And he is--uh, we've never
discussed sex, so...
It's--we've always just been
very businesslike, so...
Your guess is as good--
nay, better than mine.
The end.
By Leslie Knope.
Okay.
Cool, thanks.
H--happy to help.
What's happening?
The world is ending.
Oh boy, I know how this goes.
I know how Shauna operates.
She smiles,
and then they fall in love,
and then they get married,
and then she changes her name
to Shauna Malwae-Wyatt.
Or he's going
to be really progressive
and change his name to
Ben Wyatt-Malwae-Tweep.
God, I am so annoyed that he
would hypothetically do that.
Okay...
Leslie, they're just talking.
What do you mean "just talking"?
He's smiling.
And she seems very charming.
Is she more charming than me?
Ann, if you say "yes",
I will kick you. I swear to God.
You're definitely more charming.
But I'm here
to remind you
that the reason
you're not dating him
is because you decided
to run for city council.
Oh, so just because
I can't go out with him,
someone else can?
Oh, boy.
- Wow.
- Okay.
I'm sure
this is nothing.
Okay, well, that was
definitely something.
- Oh. My God.
- I know that move.
They're gonna
have sex in five minutes.
I've gotta stop this.
I've got to keep them
away from each other
for the rest of their lives.
- How are you gonna do that?
- Unclear!
Oh, yeah, ten bucks!
That counts as
winning the lottery.
Okay, now is this
the most amazing
grilled-cheese
sandwich ever made?
Mmm, it's pretty awesome.
Honey, my bucket list
doesn't say
"make a pretty awesome
grilled-cheese sandwich."
Gotta go back to the store.
We're gonna get
a different kind of cheese.
No, no, no, dude, seriously.
This is the most amazing
grilled-cheese sandwich
ever made, okay?
Okay. What's next?
Hey, there you are.
Wow, you two are still talking?
Ben hasn't bored you
to death by now.
- Hey.
- So boring.
Actually, we were having
a really great talk.
- Keep your pants on.
- What?
I mean,
keep your pants on, girl!
I mean, those are
really nice pants.
I really like your pants.
Where'd you get them?
Do you want to go
buy some more pants?
Or, um, walk away from here?
Actually. I think I have
everything I needed here,
but I might head over to
that end of the world party.
Oh, that's where all
the losers are going.
Yeah, what is that?
Tom emailed me.
- I could check that out.
- Hurrrrr...
Well, then you should
stay here then.
Because you can't go.
I mean, what if you're
not here when Zorp shows up?
Boy, would your face be red.
When Zorp shows up,
your faces will be
melted off and used as fuel.
You want to be here
for that.
I think
I'll take my chances.
Leslie, thanks as always.
Wow. What an unbelievably
unpleasant person.
Melissa, get in there
- with your bad self.
- All right.
- You ready?
- I'm ready.
Anything you grab
is yours to keep.
Hit it!
Yes!
The perfect party.
It's an elusive idea.
People have to be
completely entertained
from the moment they walk in,
to the moment they leave.
It's a grand experiment.
And I... am a party scientist.
Welcome to my laboratory.
So you were living here when
"Reasoneableism" first swep in?
I was.
Lou Prozotovich, their founder,
was an office supplies salesman.
One day, he had an interesting idea.
Maybe he can write a book to
help people organize their offices.
"Organize it!"
The book was a big success.
Then Lou had another
interesting thought.
Maybe there is a 28-foot tall lizard
with a volcano for a mouth
- who controls the universe.
- That is interesting.
So he wrote a second book.
"Organize it 2:
Engage with Zorp"
You know... could I have
a look at that?
Well sure you can, Chris.
You can keep it.
I'd skip the first couple
of chapters if I were you,
between you and me, it doesn't
really get good till Zorp shows up.
Zorp is the lizard.
What religion am I?
Well, I'm a practicing none
of your [Bleep] business.
- Okay, I'm ready!
- Good.
Wait!
I'm not ready. Super scared.
Andy, you said you wanted
to be an action star.
This is your chance.
Okay.
Okay, you, Natalie,
follow the action.
- Whatever
- What do I have to do?
Just hold up this
butter Kn*fe to my throat
and pretend like
you're holding me hostage.
- What?
- Ready!
I don't know.
It seems a little crazy.
Just crazy enough to work.
Aah!
Ahh!
Oh, my face!
My face!
Is fine, Mikhail Petrov!
Forget it, Macklin,
you're too late--
- I'm sorry, guys.
- Jerry!
I need my cheaters.
I cannot see anyth--
You're doing really good,
you're doing really good.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Help me,
Agent Macklin, help me!
He's stolen my jewels, and now
he's going to ravish my body
and he stinks,
he really stinks!
Okay, Janet Snakehole belongs
to mother Russia now.
Oh, that's what you think!
- No.
- I hope you like pain!
Pow!
Say the line.
Looks like this Siberian husky
is going to be Russian...
off to jail.
Hey, know what, can I go?
Gayle is making a roast.
Ugh.
♪ ♪
That was Symphony for
the Righteous Destruction
of Humanity in E minor.
By the late Lou Prozotovich.
Reminder. These flutes are
available for purchase.
You can't take it
with you people.
Herb, I just speed-read
both of your books.
- Ooh.
- And, full disclosure,
I think they're
bonkers-filled.
But I did notice that you're
interested in reincarnation.
Tell me about that.
Well, it makes sense,
doesn't it?
From the universe, we emerge.
Into the universe, we return.
And there are infinite
forms we can take
in infinite universes.
What a lovely thought.
Well, this morning at dawn,
you will take a new form.
That of a fleshless,
chattering skeleton
when Zorp the surveyor arrives
and burns your flesh off
with his volcano mouth.
That was very strange
what you just said.
I don't like it as much
as that other thing you said.
Oh.
Hey, hey, where you going?
Where you headed off to?
Do you want to play
a fun game with me
that I made up
called chess-risk?
It's half chess, half risk and
takes like 15 hours to play.
Okay, yeah, I think
I'm gonna go.
- I--okay.
- All right?
- Oh, my God!
- What?
I forgot I have a thing
I need to show you.
Oh.
I need to bring you there
right now it's so amazing.
It's going to freak you out.
It's, uh, it's something
that we need to
get in my car and go to,
so let's do that.
- Okay.
- Come on.
Leslie,
where are you going?
I'm going to the thing
that I told you about with Ben.
No spoilers, Ann.
She's been there before.
- Let's go.
- Okay.
What's up, what's up?
Are you guys having
a good time tonight?
I think we've gotta take things
to the next level.
Drum line, hit it!
♪ ♪
We've already been
down this street.
Just out of curiosity,
where's your favorite
place to go like ever?
Well, I don't know.
Tom's party
sounded kind of fun.
Here we are!
We're at the special place!
Well, here we are.
What do you think?
Are you gonna m*rder me
and bury me at this gas station?
No, this is
a great gas station.
This gas station
was owned by... Mick Jagger.
Uh-huh.
I came across
some financial records
when I was doing
some research for my book,
and this gas station was owned
by an M. Jagger, which at first
I thought was a woman.
Maybe Meg or something,
but I think
the most likely explanation
is that legendary Rolling Stones
front man Mick Jagger
owned this gas station
from 1951 to 1958.
- When he was eight.
- Yeah.
And I just knew you are a big fan
of financial records, so...
you're welcome.
I know what you're doing,
Leslie.
I'm showing you a part
of Rock and Roll history.
You--you can't do this.
You know we broke up.
And I kind of feel like we
shouldn't...
Hang out together,
just the two of us.
Because every time we do,
it just makes it harder.
You know?
Okay.
Okay.
This one will get me arrested.
And this other one is impossible,
because we need Eddie Vedder
and a time machine.
I think we've done
everything on the list
that we can actually do, so...
- Really?
- Yeah, I mean... this is it.
What about this?
Oh, my God,
that would be awesome.
- It's impossible.
- No, it isn't.
We have $1,000
in our bank account,
and we're young
and irresponsible.
I mean, our car
would break down.
There's no way we
could even get there.
So I'll steal my dad's car.
Look, this is a stupid idea,
but right at this exact second,
we have enough momentum
to do something stupid
before we realize
how stupid it is.
You are absolutely right.
No thinking, just stupid.
Yes!
Buddhists feel
that human beings
are unlikely to be
reincarnated as human beings.
So the problem
with reincarnation
is that you could be
reborn as a pretzel.
Or a socket wrench.
Ron, if you could
be reincarnated,
what would you like to be?
Socket wrench sounds
pretty good, actually.
I think the danger in
believing in reincarnation
is that you spend so much
time trying to figure out
what you're going to be
in the next lifetime
that you forget to enjoy
the one you're in now.
Ann Perkins...
that was beautiful.
Let's go to that party
that Tom's having.
Have some fun in the life.
Sounds good!
Wait. I wanna change my answer.
I'll go with ball cutters.
Maybe you'll reincarnate
into a good dancer.
Ann Perkins, you dig me.
I love that!
Tommy, this is the best
party I've ever been to.
And I'm not just saying that.
For real, T.T.,
think about it, man.
Drum lines, personalized
gift bags, tigers.
It's pretty great.
But it's not perfect.
I mean, David Beckham
didn't show up.
You knew that was
a long sh*t.
Honestly, this is perfect.
I guess.
Tom.
Hey, Lucy,
what are you doing here?
Jean-Ralphio called me
and told me
that this was
a very special occasion
and I should come down.
It's nice to see you.
Yeah, good to see you too.
Want to go dance?
Yeah, yeah!
Uh, give me a minute.
Okay.
I can't believe
you called her for me.
That's really nice
of you, man, for real.
Thanks.
No, no, no, thank you.
I mean for everything.
I actually forgot
they ever dated.
I was trying to hit that.
Dawn is nigh!
Zorp the surveyor approaches,
and all earthly debts
will be repaid
to the original source
of life in the universe.
Last call for doughnuts.
What would you do
if the word was really gonna end?
I'd go home,
drink some whisky.
Then I'd go
see my ex-wives.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I wanna watch them meet
their fiery end with my own eyes.
What would you do?
Can I speak with you
about a personal matter?
Normally, no.
But... given there's
only 20 minutes
until the end
of human existence...
Also, no.
I lost my mind tonight.
I tried to screw up
even the potential of Ben
dating someone else.
Did you not hear me
when I said no?
Oh, we broke up
because of me.
But I have to
tell you, Ron...
If the world
was ending tomorrow,
I'd want to be with him.
Well, that's significant.
Problem is, Leslie, the world's
not ending tomorrow.
The sun's going to rise
right over there.
It'll be a regular Friday,
and you'll be in the exact same
position you were in before.
I know.
I made my decision,
I need to stick to it.
It's just the thought
of him with someone else
is making me miserable.
If it makes you feel
any better, Leslie,
we'll all be dead
in 20 minutes.
That does make me feel better.
Thank you, Herb.
Guy's have ears
like a fruit bat.
- We did it!
- Yay!
This car is nice!
How long you think
it'll take us?
Uh, the map says 30 hours
but I drive really fast.
- 30 hours?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, crap!
I didn't bring any music.
- No!
- Your dad got anything good?
Starlight Express, the
original cast recording, act 1.
Who moved my cheese?,
Book on tape.
- Next.
- Bobby McFerrin?
No! We cannot listen Bobby McFerrin
for 60 hours of driving
we'd m*rder each other.
I'll tell you what.
You play whatever you want,
I'm just going to take
a real quick snooze
for like 12 hours
so I'm fresh.
♪ ♪
Thank you guys
so much for coming out.
If you're too drunk to drive,
please take
one of our shuttles home.
Valet service will drop
your car off later today.
If you're one of
our designated drivers,
please take a "thank you" bag.
And enjoy the giant bows
I put on your car.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- It's great seeing you.
- You too.
Are, uh, you sticking around
for a bit, or...
Nah, I'm heading to
Bloomington right now.
- Oh.
- Grad school's fun,
but I do miss this town.
- Yeah.
- What's wrong?
I don't know.
After this is done,
I'm gonna be broke,
and I'm not gonna
have a job.
Well,
if it's any consolation,
this was honestly the best
party I've ever been to.
Hey, it was pretty great.
I-I was really
aiming for something--
I'll see you around.
Whoo.
You saw that.
You saw that too.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep
thinks you're cute.
- What?
- That's why I took you
to Mick Jagger's
abandoned gas station.
Because she thinks you're
cute, and I was afraid
you guys were gonna
make out and have babies,
and I had no right
to do that to you
or your future children.
And it wasn't until just now
that I realized
the romantic part
of our relationship is over.
So... I'm sorry.
And, uh, why don't you tell
Shauna to make herself decent
and I'll apologize
to her as well.
Oh, well,
Shauna's not here.
- Oh.
- See what I did?
- I do.
- I'm very sneaky.
Okay, okay, well....
♪ ♪
It's so much more beautiful
than I could have
ever even imagined.
Yeah.
I'm trying to find a way
to be annoyed by it, but...
Coming up empty.
Thank you so much.
I never would have ever
done this without you.
Thank you.
Where's all the faces?
Like the presidents.
Frankly, Leslie, I'm shocked.
All the scholarly work
that I did on these texts
indicated that
the world would end.
Oh, gosh, I'm as disappointed
as you are, Herb.
Yeah, but when the
world did not end,
I went home and began
to reevaluate the texts.
You don't say.
And I realized that
I'd made some crucial errors.
Well, math is hard.
Yes, well, the actual end of the
world is six months from now.
- Great!
- Yeah.
- May 19th.
- Okay, let's see what we've got.
Um, oh, on the 19th
we can't give you the park.
We have a spring spectacular
free ice cream giveaway.
Oh... Oh... look here.
Heh! I misspoke.
Yeah, it's May 20?
That is free.
- Ah!
- Okay.
End of World, May 20th.
That's great.
Uhm... Oh, and could you
put aside 10 tickets
for that ice cream thing?
Already did.
04x06 - End of the World
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Public officials in an Indiana town pursue a series of projects to make their city a better town.
Public officials in an Indiana town pursue a series of projects to make their city a better town.