01x05 - All About Yvette

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

(SLURPING)

(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

(expl*si*n)

REN: With the amount of money
we had to spend, we did pretty well.

CHARLOTTE: Yeah.
Tape, confetti, streamers.

Hey.

-Here's my retainer.
-(LAUGHS)

Hey, you think we have enough money
left over to hire a blimp?

With one of those lit-up signs saying
"Lawrence Junior High Dance.

"Decorated by best friends:
Charlotte and Ren."

-Oh, you go, girl.
-No, you go, girl.

-(GIGGLING)
-We are gonna have this gym

decorated like a total
' s-new-wave...

-Devo-Madonna...
-Flashdance party in no time.

Totally.

REN: Oh, my!

CHARLOTTE: I think we're gonna need
a few more decorations.

REN: Uh-huh.

(REN SIGHS)

Gosh, we're gonna have to work every
night this week to pull that place off.

I'm totally with you,

-every night.
-Good.

Except tonight's not good.

I'm having dinner with my friend, Yvette.
You know, I told you about her.

My old friend in town from Topeka.
She's only in town for a couple of days.

-Yeah.
-Do you, like, totally hate me?

Not... totally.

-Oh, just kidding.
-(CHARLOTTE CHUCKLES)

-Oh, messed up.
-That's okay. You're the best.

-Thank you. Bye.
-Thank you.

Mm, mm, mm.
This is a Stevens special.

It's the best one yet.
What do you think, Twitty?

I think you can't even tell this
used to be a kitchen.

Oh, yeah, and by the way,
when you baby-sit my little brother

-Friday...
-Mm.

...you know, I think you should eat
before you come over.

-You know, just to be safe.
-Whatever, dude.

While you're moonwalking the night away
at the school dance...

I'll be raking in
the baby-sitter bucks.

(MUFFLED)
I'm really sorry, Mom.

Thank you, Louis,
but I've already moisturized.

-Who's baby-sitting?
-I'm baby-sitting Twitty's little brother

the night of the school dance.

(LAUGHS)
And who's gonna watch you?

(LAUGHING)

Hey, you in the mom suit,
I'm the only funny one around here.

Ma'am.

Mommy, ma'am.

Louis, baby-sitting
is a huge responsibility.

Now, your father and I
are chaperoning the dance.

We won't even be here
if you need us.

I don't need you, Mom.
I'm responsible.

-Am I responsible?
-(GULPS)

Oh, yeah, you're responsible
for the tornado that hit this kitchen,

which you are going to clean up.

Wait, no, really, Mom?
Mom, really.

Remember that time
Miss Adams went out of town

and she asked me
to feed her canary?

I fed that bird its favorite food
every single day.

The bird had a death wish.

Louis...

honey, until you can prove to me
that you are responsible,

you may not baby-sit.

That's not fair.

Okay. For the banner...

I was thinking, "Spring into fall dance."

-Nah.
-Nah.

Ooh, how about,
"Gents and ladies of the s"?

I like it.

It's just a little too...

Okay, I don't like it.

Um... (CLEARS THROAT) Okay.

I got it.

"Awesome ' s."

-Hmm, it lacks a certain flair.
-REN: But awesome is classic

slang for the ' s.
You know, like today:

"mad cool, tight, phat, jiggy."

Well, duh!

I mean, I know that, and you know that,
but what about the poor seventh graders?

You got a point.

Sis. Boy, are you glad to see me, huh?

Is that your question?

What do you want, Louis?

Well, it was cold outside.
So I brought your favorite sweater.

Aw, Louis, how sweet.
Thank you.

This sweater has only been in the
lost and found for the past six months.

Speaking of responsibility,
did you know that's my middle name?

Yeah.
I bet it comes up all the time

when you're talking to, say... Mom.

Ew! I smell a rat.

Ew! And the wind
is coming in your direction.

-Spill.
-I need you to tell Mom

I'm responsible
so I could baby-sit Twitty's brother.

-(LAUGHING)
-For some cash.

CHARLOTTE:
Wait, wait, wait.

-Did I hear cash?
-I'm sure a Lincoln in my wallet

-would ensure a recommendation.
-Mm-hmm.

Oh, you want a penny?
I got a penny.

Oh, no.
The Lincoln on the fiver, genius.

-How about three dollars?
-Five.

-Four.
-Five.

Four fifty.

Ten.

You know, five is... Five is good.

One, two, three, four...

four fifty, that's five dollars.

And remember,
when you guys see Mom

I want you guys to start
singing praises, all right?

Five dollars' worth.

Ren...

Watch it! Oh, God, no! Jeez!
Excuse me, please. I'm not a piñata.

I'm so sick of these girls
fighting over me.

Guess that's the price you pay.

Hey, you know, instead of money

maybe we should've made Louis
stay here and help.

We're really getting behind.

Are you dissing me 'cause
I hung out with Yvette last night?

No, no, no.

I was just fine hanging all that
crepe paper all night long,

all by my lonesome.

All right, you know,
Yvette's just in town for a few days.

But I'm here now.

-And we're still tight, right?
-Yeah.

Yeah.
The dynamic duo.

Yoo-hoo! Make that a trio.

Yo, Yvette!
What are you doing here?

Why tour an icky, smelly,
old capitol with the parents

-when I can help you decorate?
-Great! We could really use your help,

'cause our gym is huge.

Bigger than the one
back in Topeka?

Remember the -foot
papier-mâché heart?

Oh, yeah. How could I forget that?

-It fell on Principal Munkin's head!
-We were so busted,

but we got through it together
'cause we got it goin' on.

-You go, girl.
-No, you go, girl.

(YVETTE AND CHARLOTTE
GIGGLING)

CHARLOTTE: Okay,
so this is our area, right?

The banner's gonna go there.
The food, the DJ.

-Boogie all night long.
-YVETTE: It should all go there.

So, Yvette,
what brings you to Sacramento?

My dad's company
is headquartered here.

EILEEN: Hmm.

(HISSING)

Business, headquarters,

it sounds like somebody's got a lot
of responsibility, huh, Ren?

Oh, yeah.
Louis brought me a sweater.

-He's really responsible.
-Stop it, Ren.

Mom's gonna think
I paid you to say that.

Nice try, Louis.
But you're still not baby-sitting alone.

Alone, of course not. No.
The kid will be there...

and Tawny will be there, too.
And she's , Mom.

And two -year-olds
is really like a -year-old.

And they're really responsible.

Well, I don't... I'll think about it.
Maybe. Maybe.

I got a maybe. I got a maybe!
I'm the man!

Who's the man?
Who the man?

Excuse me.

Oh, you know,
we'd love to stay and chat,

but, um, that crepe paper
is not gonna hang itself, so we gotta go.

Ren, chill.

How often does Yvette get
to talk to a state senator?

Oh, you're... You're right.

So, Mrs. Stevens,
what school did you go to?

Well, I attended Brown University.

YVETTE: Really?
My cousin went to Brown.

-She loves it over there.
-EILEEN: She did?

Did she go to brown University,
or Brown Middle School?

Because there are a lot of Browns.
Some people don't realize...

(BELL RINGING)

Come on, my mom will only let me
baby-sit if you're there, too.

And we'll make money.

And it's the only way
Twitty can go to the dance.

-And we'll make money.
-I can't believe he's going.

I think I need to have another talk with
him about conformity and peer pressure.

Well, I mean, um...
it's funny you should say that.

Please! Please?

I mean, they got a big-screen TV
and a DVD player.

Okay.

I'll do it if you hop on one foot,
pat your head with your left hand

and rub your stomach
with the other.

Pat, rub my stomach...

Okay.

How do you like this, good?

I cannot possibly baby-sit with someone
that looks that lame.

What do you mean?

Uh, we need more color.
We totally need more color.

-Maybe, uh, pink.
-Pink.

-(LAUGHING)
-Hey, everybody.

you guys are gonna love me
when you see what I brought.

"Awesome ' s." That's great!

Charlotte told me
you guys were having trouble

coming up with a catchy slogan,
so I had this made.

Do you love me or do you love me?

Oh, well, it's just too close
to call. (CHUCKLES)

I thought about joining
the decorating committee.

You know, that's just...
That's a great idea.

But too bad 'cause
you're not a student here.

Oh, that's right.
But I will be next semester.

My dad's just got transferred
to Sacramento.

(SCREAMING)

Ah.

Ren, you're gonna love
hanging out with Yvette.

(FORCED LAUGHTER)

-Who do I look like? Oh, yes.
-Cher.

People? We have to work.

Okay.

Sorry.

-(GASPS) Yvette, wait!
-What?

(SCREAMS)

-Oh!
-Oh, man.

Oh, my gosh!
Are you okay?

-I'll go get the nurse.
-Okay.

-(CHUCKLING) Are you okay?
-(SIGHS)

You told me to give her a sh*t.
So I did.

-And look how she thanks me.
-She didn't do it on purpose.

(SCOFFS)
Sure, just take her side.

Ren, it was an accident.

Was it? (SCOFFS)
And just so you know,

I thought of "Awesome ' s" first.

Ren, you're being very paranoid
right now.

I don't think I like you like this.

Oh, you don't need to.
Because you don't need me.

You have Yvette.
And guess what?

I don't need you.

Honey, honey!

You're rubbing holes in my shoes.

You want to tell me what's wrong?

What?

Is it such a crime for somebody
to want to get work done,

instead of talking about
Topeka, Topeka, Topeka,

and pushing people off ladders
and stealing their best friends?

Let me take a sh*t in the dark here.

Does this have anything
to do with Charlotte and Yvette?

-Who and who?
-Oh, sweetie.

-Charlotte is your best friend.
-(REN SIGHS)

See, that's what I thought.

But she...
She already has a best friend, so...

Okay, so now
she has two best friends.

Mom, the thing about being the best
is that you're the only one.

Ren, Ren, Ren. Didn't I ever tell you
that you were allowed

to have more
than one best friend?

Well, no.

No, no, you're not.

Because having a best friend
is like having a twin.

It's... It's a special relationship
between two people.

Now, me and Charlotte,
oh, we had that.

And, um, it's over.

Ren...

(SIGHS)

Hey... I can see myself.

Is that a gray hair?

LOUIS: Look at you.

Beautiful gift from heaven,
yes, you are. Yes, you are.

And I get paid $ to watch you.

We're gonna have an awesome
time together.

You're the TV of my dreams!

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Just a second!

Hold on.

(DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING)

Oh, hi, uh,
uh, how you doing?

Uh, there's somebody
I want you to meet.

Oh, um...

This is Miltie.
Miltie, this is Auntie Tawny.

You guys are gonna have lots
and lots of fun together.

Hi.

Okay, just so we're straight
on the terms of our deal,

you do the feeding, the changing,
the tucking in.

I do the TV watching, junk food eating
and getting half

-of what they're paying you, correct?
-Right, and if there's any problems,

his parents are right next door.

-You got my three favorite DVDs?
-LOUIS: Uh, yeah.

Right here, uh, Frankenstein,
Bride of Frankenstein, and Oklahoma.

And for, uh, junk food,
we've got Doritos,

Cheetos, Fritos...

Basically, we've got the whole
"itos" family.

(SIGHS)

Wow, THX, high definition,
Dolby surround sound,

-it's like it gives life more meaning.
-LOUIS: Yeah, I know, Tawny. I know.

Now, nothing can come between us
and digital heaven.

(MILTON FARTS, GIGGLES)

It's for you.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

You look great, honey.

Wouldn't be the ' s
without boy George.

Man, I'm glad my parents
never volunteer to chaperone.

Now, Milton, listen to me, okay?

If you finish your dinner,
I'll read you a story.

About a boy who isn't
gonna see the age of four.

No, Milton, no!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

-Hi.
-Hey, what's up?

(EXHALES)

Why bother?

-YVETTE: Hey.
-Hi.

(CHUCKLING)

The, uh, decorations
look great.

Yeah. It's too bad you couldn't
keep working on them.

We had fun.
But I understand.

They say it's bad luck
to walk under a ladder.

-But it's a lot worse to fall off it.
-(LAUGHING)

Yeah. Well, you and Charlotte
did a great job without me.

I think you mean
you and Charlotte.

You guys designed everything.
I just... I just followed orders.

You know, to be honest,

I kind of felt like a third wheel
all week.

Really? Wh... Why?

Well, Charlotte and I were friends
a long time ago.

But now she has you.

I feel like I lost my best friend.

Well, I know how you're feeling...

-because I thought the same thing.
-You did?

Yeah.
And I think that we're both wrong.

-Why is that?
-Yvette, Yvette, Yvette.

(CHUCKLES)
Hasn't anyone ever told you?

You're allowed to have more
than one best friend.

Charlotte's lucky
to have friends like us.

You're right. (CHUCKLES)

-Hey, let's go bop.
-Let's go.

Ooh.

Could you believe?
They wore these things.

Nope.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

REN: Excuse me. Sorry.

Oh, look! I didn't know your parents
were chaperoning.

They're not.
That's somebody else's parents.

-I recognize them.
-If we're gonna be friends, play along.

-Okay.
-Okay.

Oh, doesn't Charlotte
look great as Tina turner?

REN: Yeah, she does.

-I gotta go talk to her. Okay.
-Okay.

Uh, may I cut in?

Yeah, but then who's Charlotte
gonna...

Not you. Her.

-TWITTY: Then who am I...
-(LAUGHING)

Bye.

I'm sorry, but I guess
I should have asked you first

-if it was okay if Yvette...
-No. It's okay.

I overreacted.

I just... I was afraid
of losing my best friend.

Oh, honey, to get rid of me,
you have to do a whole lot more

than totally snark me
for one week,

fall off of a ladder,
and blame Yvette,

shun me for no apparent reason,

and then come crawling back
with some lame apology.

(SIGHS)
I knew you'd understand.

Besides, you're allowed to have more
than one best friend.

Oh, see, I know that,
and you know that.

Well, duh, but... I didn't know that.

CHARLOTTE: Right.

Woo! Hey, I thought I was leading.

Yvette!

Come on, girl, come dance with us.

-Did you guys make up?
-CHARLOTTE AND REN: yeah.

-REN: The dynamic trio.
-Oh, yeah.

-REN: You go, girl.
-No, you go, girl.

(GIGGLING)

(WHISPERING)
I'm not gonna miss my movies

just 'cause that little brat
has the remote.

(WHISPERING)
Tongs.

Ready? Keep quiet.

One, two, three.

Whatever you do,
just make sure the volume is on low.

MAN: (LOUDLY ON TV)
It's alive! It's alive!

-(SCREAMS)
-(WOMAN SCREAMS ON TV)

Shh, shh, shh!

Help me. Help me. Shh!

(SCREAMING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)