02x06 - A Private Person

[bunniefuu]

[sighs]

I think the real question
is one of identity.

What is the identity of
the Democratic Party?

It's not normally something
that you get to choose,

but that's exactly what's
gonna happen here tomorrow

at the Nevada caucus.

A lot at stake there.

Thanks, Carl. Thanks, Bradley.

Hey, Bradley. Great job
moderating, by the way.

[chuckles] Thank you.

She did do a great job.

And, Daniel, someone's
got a new job, don't they?

That's right, Alison.

He's made us laugh at
nighttime on Better Late,

but when UBA+ launches March th,

we'll be able to stream him at any time

on a brand-new show called
Exact Change with Peter Bullard.

[Al on phone] Look, Earl.

I've held this Hannah Shoenfeld
story as long as I'm gonna hold it.

[Earl] I told you, I've got
a better story for you.

Two major female celebrities in
a secret same-sex relationship.

Those kinds of stories don't
have legs like they used to.

I can assure you, this story's
gonna be a big win for you.

These are big names.

Since when can't The Vault,
America's number one tabloid,

use a story like this?

Times haven't changed that much.

I'm going to need solid proof.
Photographic evidence.

We don't have photos.

I am not going to get a story
of this magnitude wrong.

I'm not opening myself
up to another lawsuit.

Al, you'll be good.

Bottom line, Earl. Can you
get me pictures or not?

I can tell you where to find them.

Deal. So, who is it?

What is Exact Change with Peter Bullard?

Well, I'll be honest with you.

I get a little tired of doing these
little five-minute interviews

with celebrities.

You know, I wanted to talk to people

that are making a
difference in the world.

Not just, you know,

making Transformers .

So that's what Exact Change is.

It's long-form interviews one-on-one

with people who are making
a positive change.

You know, i-it's kinda funny
to hear you say that

because you're... you're
known for your irreverence.

Oh, what a disgusting word.

No, uh, sure I'm known as a TV stooge.

But, uh, even I can evolve.

You know, with all that's gone
on the last couple of years,

how could I not?

- Wow, wow. Peter Bullard. Evolved.
- [chuckles]

I... Yeah. It... It makes me sick too.

'Cause I remember when you referred
to me as "mincing" on your show.

- [staff whisper]
- I... [stammers]

- You know, I don't think I...
- Do you think I'm mincing?

'Cause I... I don't.

- That's not a word I'd use to describe me.
- Daniel, don't.

Well, I don't think I did.

No, you definitely did.

[Mia] Daniel.

Very funny. [chuckles]

Well, you have some
really, uh, great guests.

- Who should we be looking for?
- Yeah.

Yeah, well, we have Greta Thunberg.
She's gonna be on the show.

[horns honking]

[elevator dings]

Hey, welcome back. How was Las Vegas?

Didn't you hear? It was triumphant.

- Oh.
- [phone rings]

[Mia] And, uh, thanks,
of course, to Mr. Curt Savage,

who's done such a great
job filling in for Yanko.

Thank you, Curt. Really great job.

- Thank you. Thanks, all.
- [Mia] We appreciate you.

And now that we've all
had a moment to breathe,

a proper round of applause
for all of our team

that did such great work on
the debate and caucus coverage.

Really, everybody.

But especially Miss Bradley Jackson.
Give it up, everybody, 'cause...

- [all cheering, whistling]
- Thank you.

- Wow, wow, wow, wow.
- Thank you.

- [man] Whoo-hoo!
- Thank you.

'Cause she set such a high bar

for herself with those
last-minute heroics.

She k*lled it.

So, imagine what she'll be able to
do given three weeks to prepare

- to moderate the Phoenix debate.
- What?

- [Mia] Yeah.
- [director] Speech!

- Speech!
- Yeah!

- [Mia] Give it up!
- [all] Speech! Speech!

- Speech! Little speech!
- No, I'm not giving a speech.

But I have to give credit
where credit is due.

Chip, thank you so much
for cramming with me.

I could not have done this without you.

You cram with the best of 'em

and you'll be cramming it
for a long time to come.

So, little round of applause for Chip.

And I'm just glad to be
able to fill in for Alex.

I hope she feels better soon.

Hear! Hear! Uh, what's the
latest from, uh, Camp Levy?

Isabella? Chip?

Uh, yeah. I stopped by
her place last night.

She's feeling a little better.

- Chip.
- [woman] Turn it up.

Any word on when Alex will be back?

[TV announcer] Catch Audra Khatri's
interview with Maggie Brener...

I stopped by her place
last night as well.

Hard to tell at the moment, but...

... where they discuss her tell-all
book The Wrong Side of the Bed,

her exposé on The Morning Show

- and UBA's history of sexual misconduct...
- [Mia] Ballpark?

- ... cover-ups and toxic culture.
- She needs her rest, you know.

Um, soon, I hope.

This Friday, on YDA.

[Mia] I don't want her to come
back before she's ready.

I mean, her health is way more
important than this show.

[Stella] No question. But we did
promise the world Alex Levy,

so do you have a sense of when it'll be?

Well, um, it would strictly be a guess.
The back is unpredictable.

We don't need a guess.
What does the doctor think?

The doctor thinks that she's lucky
she doesn't seem to need surgery.

- But we're gonna have to wait and see.
- Uh-huh.

You've done my job, Chip.

Do you think what you
said is any help for me

figuring out how to produce
this f*cking show?

What does Alex say?

Alex says soon.

She's doing her best,
but she's in a lot of pain,

so I haven't pressed her on it.

She is as upset about this as anyone is.

- What's up, Cory?
- Uh, well,

I just got off the phone
with Peter Bullard.

He was not happy with
Daniel's line of questioning.

I know. He called me too.
I'm dealing with it.

Well, now he called me. So, I
have to make sure it's done right.

[Mia] It's Peter Bullard. It's what
he does. He pokes at everything.

I mean, I think Daniel thought
he was sparring with him.

But why? Why would he
be sparring with him?

He's promoting our streaming service

and telling Peter Bullard
he's full of sh*t.

- That's not sparring.
- That's not what Daniel said.

That's what Peter heard.

Okay, but Peter Bullard is
kinda full of sh*t right now,

isn't he though?

[Cory] Peter Bullard,
he's making us money.

He's allowed to be full of sh*t.

That's the rule.

And Daniel, he pissed him off.
So, how long before Alex is back?

Yeah, we were just
about to find that out.

And... And I was just saying that

Alex is as upset about this as anyone.

- And I can certainly tell her...
- [Mia] Mm-hmm.

... that you're pushing for a
return date, see how that goes.

[Stella] Yeah, that's fine.

You can... You can tell her.

She knows we just brought her back.

She knows that this
makes us look stupid.

We need to find somebody
big, somebody stunty

to fill in until Alex gets back.

Somebody even bigger than Alex,

and somebody who you'd never
expect to do it forever.

So, let's think now. [inhales deeply]

Well, I was gonna say Bullard,

but that idea is... is
out the window, so...

[Cory scoffs]

- [Mia] Um...
- [Cory] Um...

[sighs]

What about Laura Peterson?

- Yes. Let's do that.
- [Mia] No.

I... I don't think Alex is gonna
be thrilled about that.

I know. But she gets that, as EP,
you have to make hard decisions,

and think of it as a...
a motivator, you know.

- Help speed her recovery.
- That's smart.

Okay. Laura's great, but I
don't see her doing this.

So I'll put together a list.

[Cory] Oh, no. Let's call,
get an answer now.

She's a friend. It's an easy ask.

[clears throat]

[laughs]

- [phone rings]
- Uh-oh.

[gasps] Oh, my God. Put it on speaker.

- Hi, Cory.
- Laura. So glad I got you.

- I've got a favor to ask.
- I'm scared.

[laughs] No need to be scared.

Would you fill in for
Alex until her back heals?

- [whispering] Oh, yes. Yes.
- Oh, come on, Cory.

The hours aren't great. There's
nothing I can do about that.

But there's no heavy lifting.
You just come in. You be you on TV.

You seem to be enjoying Bradley.

I think you two'd be
really good together.

I'll let you hit me.

Hard.

Anywhere but the face.

All other options are on the table.

Who needs money when you
get a free kick to the balls?

[chuckles] Priceless.

[mouthing word] Please.

Sure. What the hell.

Ah, God.

You are seriously the best.

I wish I had more time to promote this.

This is actually huge, huge news.

Laura Peterson is coming
back to the mornings.

I'm so excited. All right.
I'll have Mia reach out. Thank you.

See? Simple.

- Oh, my God. I'm so excited. [laughs]
- Oh, my God.

- Wait. Where you going?
- To the studio.

You wanted me to do the show.
I'm not gonna half-ass it.

Oh, yes. Absolutely.

We definitely need your whole
ass on the show. [chuckles]

Um, hey.

Since we both have to wake
up at the ass cr*ck of dawn,

maybe I could just sleep over.

I could just go home
and get some things.

I'd be amenable to that.

Great. [sighs]

Hey.

Look, if you wanna
leave some stuff here,

I've got plenty of closet space.

There's no reason for you to
be running back and forth.

Okay. Yeah. Um, I'll just
be back in a couple hours.

Okay.

[inhales deeply]

It doesn't seem like Alex
is gonna be back by then,

so it's up to President Carter
if he wants to reschedule.

- If you can let him know...
- [phone buzzes]

... that Laura Peterson is gonna
be filling in for her, I...

Yeah, we love her too. So...

- And I will let her know that.
- [buzzing continues]

Okay, I'm looking forward to it.

Okay. Bye.

f*ck.

Damn it.

[line rings]

[voice mail] Leave a
message after the tone.

- [line beeps]
- Hey, Ken, it's Mia.

Uh, so sorry we keep missing each other,

but I think you know why I've called.

This excerpt is coming
out in a couple days,

and I get that you
don't want it leaking,

but, uh, I... I need to know
what I'm dealing with.

I don't think Maggie hung me out.
Um, but you know. Who knows?

Anyway, uh, it's just for me.

Uh, so listen, I'm around. Thanks.

[dings]

[sighs]

- Hey.
- [man] Hey.

Hal?

Hal.

- Hal, what are you doing here?
- Hey.

- Surprising you.
- Yeah, no sh*t.

You been up here a whole year.

You come home for one night
and then fly back out?

Oh, my God. Save the guilt trip
for inside, please. Come on.

- It's not a guilt trip.
- It is a guilt trip.

You're trying to make me
feel bad for having a life.

[stammers] I missed you.
I... I wanted to see you.

God. Can't your little
brother get a hug?

Yes. I missed you too.

[grunts]

[sniffs]

How long are you staying?

'Cause I could get you
a room of your own.

No... [stammers] I came to see you.

I'll just... [stutters]
I'll sleep on the couch.

As long as Mom is not here, I'm happy.

Is everything okay?

- Stupid question.
- [chuckles]

[stammers] You... You wanna
get something to eat?

Your treat. I mean, unless
you have plans tonight.

Nope. [sighs] No plans.

Why you making me feel guilty?
You don't even have a life.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.

I'm looking up options
of things you might like.

Oh, something I might like?

Look, I mean, come on.
There's gotta be a cr*cker Barrel,

or a Waffle House within
walking distance.

Come on. Look, put that away.
Look, we're in New York, all right?

We're gonna get wild, okay?

The... The sixth restaurant we pass,

that's where we're gonna eat. All right?

Okay. Sounds like a plan.

Come on. Let's get crazy.

Or food poisoning.

[TV announcer] Senator Sanders
is coming off a big weekend

winning the Nevada
Democratic caucus decisively

before moving on to
a big enthusiastic...

[reporter] Harvey Weinstein
guilty of third degree...

Overseas, the virus continues to spread,

with confirmed coronavirus cases

climbing into the hundreds over the...

The Dow dropped more than
a thousand points today.

Analysts are calling this the
worst day they've seen in years

and are attributing the down...

[TV reporter ] Start your
day with Laura Peterson...

[sighs]

- Oh, Chuck.
- Oh. [chuckles]

This is sad. This is really sad.

No, don't move. It is quite the tableau.

I swear the TV was just on
before you came in here.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you're not buying it.
All right, turn the light on.

- Good idea.
- [chuckles]

Well... [sighs]

- Laura Peterson on TMS.
- [chuckles]

Hell has frozen over, but I'm excited.

[chuckles] Will miracles never cease?

Hey, how is Alex?

I... I mean, you know, her back is...

[stammers] ... giving her some problems,

but, uh, it... it'll be okay.

I know she wasn't doing too well
the night before the debate.

I just wanted to make sure she
was okay. Maggie was concerned.

[stammers] Uh, Maggie was concerned?

Yeah, she said Alex was in quite a state

when she came to her hotel room.

Yes. Well, um...

she was clearly not at her best
that night. [chuckles] You know?

And I think what happened
is, um, her doctor gave her

these pain pills,

but then she had muscle
relaxants too, so that...

- Oh, geez. Yeah.
- Yeah.

So hopefully Alex didn't say

anything too, um, off
the wall, you know?

I mean, she couldn't even
remember what she said, so.

Did Maggie... Did she tell
you what she said, or...

No, no. No, I don't want
you to get the wrong idea.

You know Maggie.

She's not just gonna spread
someone's private business around.

She was just worried.

Yeah, of course.

Unless someone paid her a huge advance

to publish someone's private
business in hardcover.

[chuckles] Touché. Score one for Chuck.

Boop boop.

Well, look, I do really
appreciate you checking in.

Honestly, it means a lot.
So thanks for that.

But I think she's good.

[inhales deeply]
I gotta make some calls.

Yeah, I was just heading out.

I will see you in...

oh, God, eight hours.

- That's morning TV.
- All right.

- Night, Chuck.
- Good night.

[sighs]

Oh, sh*t.

[line rings]

[phone rings]

[line clicks, beeps]

[Chip] Hey, Alex, uh, are you there?

I mean, I know you're there, um,
but would you please pick up?

Um, I have a feeling you
don't check these voice mails,

but I know this thing plays out
loud, so... olly olly oxen free.

Um, I don't know. [stammers]

L-Listen. I know you can hear me.

I... I know you're angry. I get it.

And I'm sorry, for what it's worth.

But, uh, I...

Can we just talk,
please, Alex? [chuckles]

Where are you?

[line clicks, beeps]

- [TV: no audio]
- [footsteps approaching]

I was watching that.

You're up?

[grunts]

Do you know how many different
kinds of knives there are?

[chuckles] Yes, the world
is a magical place.

You should get some sleep.

There was nothing in my bag, was there?

Not this time.

Look, I'm sorry. I... This is just...

I'm tired, and it's a little
surreal that you're here

shopping for knives while I go
to work at : in the morning.

I wasn't shopping.

You would have to be on dr*gs
to buy knives that way.

You don't have to worry about me.

I left you a key.

Make sure your phone is
charged if you go out.

[footsteps departing]

[door closes]

[sighs deeply]

[elevator dings]

- Good morning.
- Hi, I'm Laura Peterson.

Nice effort, but they know.
Your dressing room's this way.

Oh, I'd like to say hi to Mia first.

Well then, say hi you shall.

This is such a mind-f*ck.

Back doing morning television.

It's like Carrie being asked to
speak at the high school reunion.

Hmm. They're not gonna laugh at you.

[gasps] Laura. I saw your ranch
in Architectural Digest.

Where's my invite?

- Uh, good to see you.
- [Alison chuckles]

- What?
- Times have changed.

You spit on these people, Laura.

What are you talking about?
I don't spit on anyone.

I'm just musing. That's what I do.

And I act interested. That's
what I do. [clears throat]

- Hey, is your girlfriend here yet?
- Stop!

[Rena] Hi. Go ahead.
She's just in with Gayle.

- [Mia] And that's me...
- Hey, guys.

- [Gayle] Hi. Good morning.
- Reporting for duty.

There she is. We are
so glad to have you.

[Stella] Time to kiss
the ring. You coming?

Yeah. Let's go.

Feels like just yesterday
we were kissing Alex's ring.

[sighs] I did try with her.

I know. I get it.

[chattering]

Don't forget this is your show.

She's just a guest doing us a favor.

I know, Gayle.

Just making sure.

The g*ng's all here.

The whole mishpachah.

[chuckles]

Laura, thank you so much for joining us.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

[Weaver] Have a preference?

[clears throat] What are these?

[Cory] Uh, we're airing a Marx
Brothers tribute this week.

[Mia] Yeah, this year would
be Groucho's th birthday,

so we thought it would be fun
if you guys wore the glasses.

- Yeah, I won't be doing that.
- [all chuckle]

[director] Thirty seconds, everyone.

- Okay, people, clear!
- We'll get out of your hair.

Well, thanks again.

Yeah, we're gonna catch the start
of it from the control room.

Knock 'em dead.

- So what are we doing exactly?
- [director] Clear!

Just follow my lead. You'll be fine.

- Ten, nine...
- Oh, okay.

... eight, seven, six, five, four...

- This is exciting.
- [chuckles]

[Bradley] Good morning.
Breaking overnight:

Coronavirus continues its
spread across the globe.

Italy is now home to
seven confirmed deaths

as the total cases have risen to .

- [director] Thirty seconds.
- The spike has prompted quarantines

and increased travel restrictions
to and from the country.

Hey. Are you okay?

President Tr*mp again suggested
coronavirus would go away.

What do you mean? I'm fine.

Okay. I'll head up then.

[director] Stand by for live feed.

[male announcer] It's Tuesday,
February th, ,

and this is The Morning Show

with Bradley Jackson and special
guest anchor, Laura Peterson.

Thank you for joining us
on this Tuesday morning,

and no, your eyes are not deceiving you.

We're joined this morning by the
one, the only, Laura Peterson.

- Welcome, Laura.
- Thank you.

It's so nice waking up with you.

Well, I did swear I would never
set my alarm this early again,

but I'm glad I did.

Well, we're glad too.

Our top stories this morning.

[man] Why don't you go
back to your shitty country

and stay the f*ck out of ours, dickhead?

f*cking island beaner.

[both grunting]

- [man shouts indistinctly]
- [elevator dings]

- Ah, Stella.
- Morning.

I understand you're meeting
with Yanko Flores this morning.

In about minutes.

And I trust you will do the right thing,

that you won't let your
personal involvement

cloud your judgment?

My personal involvement will
have nothing to do with it.

All due respect, Cybil,

these decisions can be made

without you feeling the
need to stand over me.

All due respect,

I'm giving you all the
respect that's due.

You and Cory were brought
in to clean things up

and, God willing, bring
some order to this place.

We fired Ray Marcus...

After it became a scandal.

And you hired Alex Levy.

So far we've gotten,
what, seven days' work

and a very public vanishing
act for our money.

- You should talk to Cory about Alex.
- I'm talking to you.

Talent is running roughshod over you.

These aren't earthquakes.
They're people.

You can control them, and if you
can't, you find people you can.

Now, I made it very clear to Cory

that it was the board's position

that Bradley Jackson needed to be fired

during her mystery illness,

but you two just put her
on air the next morning.

That is news to me.

Take some responsibility.

Show some character.

Cory's gone to bat for you plenty.

It's why you're here.

So don't act like you two
aren't Frick and Frack.

Frick and Frack?

Oh, Christ. You're young.

You're a package deal,

but you can choose
where your loyalty is.

Who do you think's gonna be
here after the b*mb goes off?

I'm a cockroach, Stella.

I will always be here.

February is American Heart Month.

More than , people
in the US die every day

as the result of heart disease.

Many of them are women.

Now, it's just an odd coincidence
that I'm here today,

but if you'll pardon the turn of phrase,

this is a cause near
and dear to my heart.

Well, I am glad you're here,

because you can speak
from firsthand experience

just how important it is

to take care of your heart
from an early age.

Obviously, blood pressure and
cholesterol are key factors,

but we're gonna focus on
some more overlooked factors.

Okay. So what's the first one?

- Take three.
- [Gwen] Sleep.

So many of us are not getting
anywhere near enough sleep.

Yeah, there's no way you get
enough sleep in this job,

is there, Bradley?

- You have to get up so early every day.
- Well... [laughs]

And there's always something
to keep you up at night.

[Gwen] A good night's sleep
needs to be a priority.

The next major factor is stress.

I know being an anchor
is a high-stress job,

but we need to find healthy
outlets for stress relief,

like exercise or even sex.

Hmm. What if that is
your unhealthy choice?

[both chuckling]

[all chuckling]

- [Laura] Uh, now, Doctor...
- Alex is gonna hate this.

Yeah, well, she can call the switchboard

and complain like everyone
else watching from home.

[Gwen] ... it would be helpful to hear

what a healthy heart rate sounds like.

- Okay. I'll be the doctor.
- [chuckles]

- Oh. Well, go for it. It's your show.
- Okay.

- Are you gonna be the patient?
- [chuckling] I'll be the patient, Doctor.

[chuckles] All right. Here we go.

Let's see. I don't have a watch on,
but I'll just count in my head.

This feels pretty fast.
You need to calm down, Laura.

[Laura] If I'm above resting,

does that mean I'm losing calories

just right now as I'm standing here?

[Bradley chuckles]

- Hey.
- [Yanko] Hi.

Come in.

[sighs] Does that hurt?

- It looks like it hurts.
- No. No, it's... it's not... It's fine.

I mean, it's a little tender,
you know? But it's... it's not...

- It's not that bad.
- Mm-hmm.

You could put concealer on it, or...

[stammers] People already
insist I wear eye makeup.

- I really don't wanna make 'em right.
- [chuckles] Yeah.

Well, it looks manly.

I mean, we don't want our
weatherman to have a shiner,

but you wear it well.

Okay, well, thank you.
I think. [chuckles]

So... [sighs] I wanted to thank
you for sticking up for me.

You... You didn't have to,
and you really shouldn't have,

- but it did mean a lot to me.
- Well, I did. Okay.

But I did have to.

I mean, that guy... [stammers]
way crossed the line.

- Yeah.
- Right.

And, plus... [chuckling]

you never forget being the
weird Cuban kid, you know?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, I imagine you never forget

being the weird Korean
kid either, right?

- I'm still the weird Korean kid.
- [chuckles]

It turns out, that's
actually a good thing.

Yeah... Yes, it is, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, weird is...
is grossly underrated.

Yeah. Anyway, thank you.

Nah. [stammers] I'm glad I could help.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Well...
- Uh, where you going?

I still do need to suspend you.

What?

You're gonna suspend me
for sticking up for you?

You're the weatherman
on The Morning Show.

We can't have you hitting
people on the street.

[stammers] Hold on. I...

Okay, so I'm... I'm a r*cist
when I said spirit animal.

I b*at up a r*cist, and now
you're... you're suspending me.

You didn't just b*at him up,
you b*at the sh*t out of him.

He could press charges,

- he could sue.
- No, he... No, he put his hands on me fir...

Oh, my God. You... You can't
f*cking win around here.

I don't know what to tell you.

I... Well, what... What
am I supposed to do?

Seriously, what am I supposed to do?

The weather.

Don't make me the enemy.

[speaks indistinctly]

Let's go to local weather now
and see what's happening...

Why am I hungry? I don't
usually eat until noon.

- Hmm.
- [director] And we're out.

Back in seconds.

- Um, who's that?
- [whispering] Bart. He's a weirdo.

[both chuckling]

[phone buzzing]

[Laura] No.

- Everything okay with your brother?
- Yeah, I think so.

[Laura] What's going on?

I don't know.

[sighs]

You'll be fine.

[clears throat] You'll be fine.

[director] Ten seconds.

In ten...

[breathing heavily]

[Weaver] Miss Jackson.

[Julia, distorted] Bradley, the glasses.

[director, distorted]
Start your move. Cue her.

[distorted] It's the craziest
thing we ever heard,

but marks the th
birthday of Groucho Marx.

[high-pitched ringing,
heartbeat thumping]

[breathing heavily]

- [employee] Is it true?
- [employee ] I guess so.

He famously said he'd
never want to join a club

that would have him as a member, but...

[director] Four, widen out, please.

... after watching this special,
there'll be many m-more new members

- of the Groucho Marx fan club.
- [director] Stand by, two.

[Lindsey chuckling] Well, this
will stop the ratings slump.

[Bradley] ... antics of
Groucho, Chico, Harpo,

and sometimes Zeppo and Gummo,

- we're welcoming comedian...
- Holy sh*t.

- ... and friend of Groucho, Tom Ballantine.
- One, ready.

- Thanks, Tom, for being here.
- Take it, one. Good. Take four.

[Tom] Thanks. These days,
I'm happy to be anywhere.

- One.
- [Tom] It's a joke, but it's also true.

- Take it, one.
- [Bradley] That's funny. Um... [stammers]

- Oh, I guess I can take these off now.
- [director] Sorry about that.

- [director] Stand by, two.
- [Tom] Those are glasses?

[Bradley] Believe it or not, that...

that's actually not a bad disguise.

- You okay?
- Oh, I'm fine,

but my day just got shitty.

- What was he like in real life?
- [Tom sighs]

Funny, if you could believe it.
Boy, I mean, we had mornings...

[Alison] She really goes
through them, doesn't she?

- I doubt that it's true.
- I don't.

There's a vibe.

Is it bad that I think this is hot?

- Yes.
- Why?

- I'm not sure.
- You're sexualizing them.

But I'm not. The story is.

Do you have a favorite
Marx Brothers movie?

- Do you think it's true?
- [Tom] Love Happy.

- [scoffs] I hope not.
- [Bradley] Oh, I've never seen that one.

- [Tom] I loved it.
- 'Cause being gay's your thing?

Uh, no, because I think it's horrible

and painful to be publicly outed,

and it's nobody's f*cking business.

[stammers] I'm... I'm sorry.

[Bradley chuckling]
Okay, we will. Allegedly.

- We have to say that for legal reasons.
- [Tom] Sure. Allegedly.

- Okay. [chuckling]
- Okay?

Well, that's such a great story.

Thank you so much for being here, Tom.

Groucho and the Marx
Brothers airs tomorrow night

on UBA, : , : Central.

Let's see some of those classic moments

that made the Marx Brothers so beloved.

[director] And we're out.
Back in two minutes.

[sighs] Gayle, can I use
the facilities really quick?

- Do I have a minute?
- You do. Everything okay?

Yeah. Pardon me, I just have
to go deal with something.

- Okay.
- Wait. Where is she going?

[sighs] Wh... Where...
Where's she going?

[indistinct whispering]

[chuckles]

Could you cover the next segment?

- Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.

[breathes heavily] f*ck, f*ck,
f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

[breathes shakily]

Oh, f*ck! [panting]

Oh, no, no. You... You
can't be in here right now.

- Why?
- No, no, no. Get out.

- Get out now.
- Why?

Because if people see us...
[stammers] going out of the same room,

- that's not... that's not good.
- Well, if it were true,

then we would have to make
sure we weren't seen together.

But we just had bullshit
gossip published about us,

so we're in here discussing
how to handle it.

- But it is true.
- Oh, boy, you are so not cool.

This isn't funny. This isn't funny!

I don't think any of
it's funny actually.

[sighs] Neither do I! [breathes heavily]

Look, someone being outed against
their will, I'm having flashbacks.

This is not about being outed.

- So you're not embarrassed?
- No, no, no. I... I'm not.

- I'm... I'm not. I'm not.
- Then why are you so upset?

Because I don't want
my private life public.

I... I'm just a private person, Laura,

and I don't want people talking about
anybody that I'm sleeping with,

much less the person
I'm sitting next to.

And... And I just feel like
everybody's staring at us.

Well, they are. There are cameras
pointing at us. We're on TV.

[breathes shakily]
I'm... I'm sorry. I...

Look. You are gonna go home.

You'll draw yourself a bath,
shut out the world for the night,

and things will be
better in the morning.

But I... [chuckles] It's :
in the morning, and I can't...

I can't go back to my hotel
room. My brother's there.

And he's... [stammers]
he's so f*cked up.

I... [stammers] He's just watching
some stupid f*cking show

about bowie knives.

- And you can't talk to him?
- No. You don't know my family.

They're just... He's probably on
dr*gs, or he has some problem

that's just bigger than all my problems,

and I just... I don't want...
[whispering] I don't want anybody...

anybody knowing my business.

Especially my family.

Page Six published a rumor about
Alex and Mitch a million years ago.

- Exactly. Yes.
- No big deal.

They didn't respond, and it was a blip.

Oh, really, was it?

Because I remember you asking
Alex if she was f*cking Mitch.

Yeah, well, don't be horrible
to people, and you'll be fine.

Look. There is a live show
going on right now,

- and we are supposed to be on it.
- I know, but I'm serious.

I can't have people judging me.

- Judging you for what?
- For... For... [sighs]

If people know that
I'm in a relationship,

then they'll know when it ends.

And I, honestly...

I haven't had a relationship past
a few months my entire life.

Because I get bored or I get restless

or I find out somebody's not
who they said they were or I...

I... I... I leave.

Bradley, we need to get back.

And you're right.
This is totally f*cked up.

But I promise you, it'll be okay.

You take your time.
I've got you covered.

[sighs]

[director] Twenty seconds.

[chattering]

[man] Quiet, please.

- Right in the nick of time.
- [director] Ten seconds.

- [director] Clear.
- Thank you.

- [director] Eight...
- Nice going.

[director] Seven, six,
five, four, three, two...

[Daniel] Of course I watched
it. I don't miss one.

[Alison] I thought it was
an amazing premiere.

[Daniel] Amazing? Come on. Calm down.

[stammers] It was okay. It was okay.

[Alison] What do you need,
Daniel Henderson, to be happy?

- [Daniel] I mean...
- What does it take?

- [Daniel] Look. Calm down. All right?
- [Alison chuckles]

[Daniel] I thought that
the talent was mediocre.

[Alison] Just put the singers
to the side for a second.

- Look at the show overall.
- [Daniel] Put the singers to the side?

- It's a singing competition.
- [Layla] You okay?

[Alison] They have a
Backstreet Boy as a judge.

Honestly, I have no
idea what's going on.

If Isabella wasn't talking to her,
I'd be freaking the f*ck out.

I mean, it's been, like,
a week since I've ta...

- You gotta be f*cking kidding me.
- Oh, sh*t.

[Mia] You got one job, Chip.

Your one job is to babysit
a $ million mistake,

- and you don't even know where she is?
- [Chip] Whoa.

Hold on. She's in her apartment. Okay...

Lot of f*cking good
she's doing me there!

[breathes heavily] And you.
I hired you as a favor to him.

And this is how you treat
me behind my back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, hold on.

Be pissed at me all you
want, but what the f*ck?

Rena has nothing to do with this,

except for maybe being
the one person here

who doesn't treat my coming back
as something I'm doing to them.

It's not your fault, Rena.

That's not the same thing as an apology.

And what the f*ck is going on with you?

- [cell phone slamming]
- You lied.

You told me you had been
in communication with Alex.

Look... I'm trying to help. Okay?

[breathes heavily]

I can see you're obviously hurting.

Can you?

Can you see that, Chip?

I'm sorry, Mia. Okay?

I'm sorry for everything.

I do want to help. I really do. I...

Then get me my f*cking lead anchor back.

Yeah. Okay, boss.

[breathes heavily]

[knocking]

[Gayle] Hey, Bradley.
You okay? You need anything?

- Do you want me to order you dinner?
- Nope. All good.

Did you want to return any calls?
They're kinda piling up.

Your reps, at least?

Um, nope. I'm... I'm
sort of on a roll here.

Gonna get some more work done.

Okay. Have a good night.

[sighs]

[sighs]

Oh, f*ck.

[sighs]

- Hey.
- [Laura] Hey.

How did the talk with your brother go?

- I'm still in my dressing room.
- Still?

- Yep.
- Oh, I understand.

Look, come over. I'd like to see you.

There's probably paparazzi,

but you wouldn't be the first woman
to sneak in here undetected.

It'd be good to see each
other tonight, of all nights.

I can't.

So, what?

We're just not gonna
see each other again?

[Bradley] No, no, d-don't be crazy.

Look, I get that today...
[sighs] was tough for you,

but it wasn't nothing for me.

Really? You seemed fine.

My experience with morning
TV was traumatic.

I got outed when that
could k*ll your career.

But I got therapy.

I made my peace,
and I worked through it,

to the point where I
thought it would be fun

to come back and do a victory lap.

And then I immediately got outed again.

So it was traumatic for me.
I just know how to handle my sh*t.

[smacks lips] So was it traumatic
to be outed as with me?

Because everybody knows you like girls.

I'm gonna give you a
chance to withdraw that.

Look, I'm... I'm sorry. Wh...
What do you want me to do?

I told you what I wanted.
I wanted you to come over.

- All right, I'll come over.
- Wanted.

- Wanted, past tense.
- Laura, I'm sorry.

I... I'm... [chuckles]

You don't know how I grew up.

- My mom and my brother. I...
- You never stood a chance.

I get it. I know why you're the
way you are. I really do, but...

No, you don't. My family
is not like yours.

Don't cut me off.

And stop assuming that there's only
one path to f*cking up your kids.

But you're not a kid anymore.
f*cked-up kids have an excuse.

f*cked-up adults get therapy.

f*cked-up adults change
their circumstances.

That's advice that I lived by.

- [sighs]
- So do what you have to do...

I'm sorry.

Do what you have to
do with your brother,

go home, and I'll see
you tomorrow. Okay?

[elevator dings]

Alex, it's Chip.

I'm sorry I'm coming
unannounced, but I just...

I mean, that's what happens
when you don't answer my texts

or my calls or emails
or my carrier pigeons.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Uh, what are you doing here?

I thought Madeleine was in town.

Yeah, she is. I'm hoping
to get back to her soon,

but I need to talk to
Alex. Um, is she...

in her bedroom? Is she asleep? Or...

Uh... uh...

She's not here.

[scoffs]

What? She's not...

- What? Where the f*ck is she?
- Um, I don't know.

You know, all... all she said
was she was going somewhere

for a few days, to check on her place,

and to not let anyone know.

Yeah, I'm not anyone, so...

Oh, no. She... She specified you.

Wait. So, have you been
speaking with her?

Because I think you know I've
been trying pretty desperately

to get in touch with her, yes?

You realize this is f*cking Mia over.

Alex is my boss.

Yes, and Mia is her boss.

- [chuckling] Okay. Right.
- Oh, this is funny? [chuckling] Yeah.

Okay, good. Now I have to
go track her down, right?

Why would I wanna go have
dinner with my fiancée?

Uh, excuse me. A-Alex is
a grown f*cking woman.

She doesn't need you to rescue her.

Excuse me. All due respect,
not a gender thing.

She really f*cking does.

Wow.

Okay. [stammers]

Do you really not know where she is?

I need you to tell me where she is.

What i... Are you just
not gonna talk to me?

- What is with you people?
- What do you mean, "you people"?

- Mediocre white men.
- What are you talking about?

You're always f*cking
things up for everybody,

and you're always first in
line for second chances!

You're not exceptional! I'm sorry,

you're not, and I am so sick of it!

Oh, my God! What a f*cking load!

Okay.

You're white. I'm... Okay. All right.

[Isabella sighs] Oh, God.

f*ck.

[Laura] Meet Liz Stebbins.

When she took a trip to the dog
pound to heal her broken heart,

she never imagined it
would start a journey

that would define the rest of her life.

Tonight, we revisit a story
we first brought you in

that chronicled the icy,
grueling journey

of one Iditarod racer and her dogs

who fought all the odds just
to get to the starting line.

[sighs]

Did you sleep at all?

I couldn't.

Mom's been calling all day,
freaking the f*ck out about you.

Tell her if she really cares,
she can just call me herself.

You tell her yourself, 'cause
I'm not your middleman.

Okay. Well, is she answering the phone?

Has she finally gotten over
my abortion from ?

No, she just asked me ho...
how you got pregnant

having sex with girls.

What the f*ck?

She's embarrassed.

I mean, what do you expect?
It's a small town.

It's... That's just bullshit.
[stammers] People have advanced.

[chuckling] Not... Not mom's friends.

But if... if you think they were
so enlightened, wh... why...

why did you wait so long
to come out of the closet?

- She'd be over it by now.
- This is called "being outed."

Those are completely
different things, dumbass.

[scoffs] This is just... [stammers]

Bradley, this is really
not a good time for this.

It's not a good time? For who? For you?

Who invited you here?

You didn't have to talk
to Mom all day about it.

Neither do you. You don't have
to take her f*cking calls, Hal.

Yeah, not everybody
can abandon our mother.

She abandoned us the minute
we popped out of her.

You do not owe her anything.

Besides, I thought you came
here to get away from her.

Look...

I f*cking came here
because I've been using.

f*ck... Okay?

I'm sorry. Um...

I just... I can... I cannot handle
living at home with Mom.

I can... I cannot do it.

You know how she always
said, "You try being nice

when you've been through
what I've been through."

[chuckles]

And like an idiot, I thought
you... you helping her out,

making things easier for her,
that... that... that she would...

she would just become less of a bitch.

But... she got worse.

[scoffs]

I mean, she... she's
got a big f*cking head,

but she is still so fragile.

You can knock her over with a feather.

So I feel guilty about leaving her.

But she makes me feel f*cking
guilty about everything,

and it is k*lling me!

You know what I realized?

I don't wanna die. I don't.

But I don't care if I live...

[breathes shakily] ... and that
scares the sh*t out of me.

I took my sh*t, I threw it off
a cliff. I did. It's gone!

- Good.
- But that's why I'm here.

Because I know...
I know if I'm around you,

then... then I won't get f*cked up.

Bradley, I'm... I'm f*cking begging you.

You have to let me stay here.

I need to be here, but
th-this... this is not helping.

This is a lot to put on
me right now, Hal.

I know.

It's too much.

I can't deal with it.

Oh. [grunts]

I'm sorry. I just...
I... I thought you cared.

I do care. You need to go to rehab.

- I'm not a f*cking doctor.
- Rehab? Rehab is... [stammers] expensive.

- I don't...
- I'll pay for it.

No! No!

I'm not gonna ask you for that.
I'm not gonna ask you for money.

I paid for it last time.
I didn't have any f*cking money.

- Do you remember that?
- Yes,

but now that you do,
it's... it's a thing.

Whatever. Don't get on my case
a-about... about being considerate.

- Oh, this is considerate?
- Yes, this is considerate.

Hey, and by the way,
don't give me that bullshit

about you not being a lesbian
or... or bi or whatever.

The walls in that house
are pretty f*cking thin.

I want you to think about
what you're doing and don't.

I have had an awful, awful day,

and I cannot have you taking
out your anger at Mom on me.

No, no, no, Bradley.
This anger belongs to you.

Because everything, Bradley,
is always about you!

Oh, my God! You are so full of sh*t!

[knocking]

[Hal] Well, there you go.
See what you did?

Someone's complaining
because you were yelling.

- [Bradley] f*ck you.
- [Hal] Very mature.

Okay, you need to stop.
It's the CEO of the network.

Oh, I... So it's... it's somebody
that actually matters.

- Can you just shut the f*ck up?
- f*ck you.

- f*ck you.
- f*ck you.

[Bradley] Shut up. f*ck you.

- Hey, Cory?
- I'm sorry.

I didn't know you had company.

Oh, n-no. It's just...
It's just my brother.

[sighs] Yeah.

Maybe you should call
The Vault. [chuckles]

Like, say we're sleeping together.

It'd probably be more
palatable for my Mom.

[both sighing]

Gallows humor. It's... It's been
a really hard day. [chuckles]

Yeah, I'm so sorry about
that. Um... [smacks lips]

It's why I came down here.
I wanted to tell you

that as far as the network's concerned,

you don't have to say anything at all.

True, not true, it doesn't matter to us.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

I appreciate that.

[sighs]

I d... I don't know why
somebody would publish

something like that anyway.

If you want to sue, the
network will support you.

Well, no, I mean, I...
I don't think I want to sue.

It... It's just sort of embarrassing
because I feel like I'm...

Oh, no. Serious...
[chuckling] Seriously.

You... You don't have
to say anything to me.

Okay? Obviously, you can.
I'm always an ear for you,

- but you don't have to.
- Okay.

But Laura is great.

Laura is great. She's
Laura f*cking Peterson.

Why was today so hard?

Why do I... [sighs]

Why do I care what those
horrible people think about me?

Well, you... Who, the public?

No, I mean my family.

My roots are really rotten.

- I got some pretty rotten roots, Cory.
- [softly] Bradley.

And then, by some miracle,

I have this woman in my
life that when I'm with her,

I see what I should aspire to be.

And then, when I'm with him...

I see who I really am.

[clears throat]

Hey, you are your own thing, okay?

And it's working out
pretty well for you.

- [whispering] Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Really.

Maybe... [breathes shakily]

Maybe it's good that this
is happening, you know?

'Cause it's gonna force me to
say that I care about somebody.

'Cause I've never really
done that before.

[breathes shakily]

'Cause you can lose
something that you want.

And I do think I want Laura.

So maybe this is a good thing.

Yeah.

[smacks lips] Well, it seems like
you got a lot to think about.

No. Actually, I think too much,
and it's sort of confusing,

but this actually feels...

I have a lot of clarity right now.

So thank you.

Yeah.

Of course.

I'm glad that it worked out.

And just have a good night.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

[whispers] Thanks.

[sighs, sniffles]

[Bradley grunts]

You're leaving tomorrow.

[door slams]

[sighs]

[Hal] f*ck you!

[sighs]