01x12 - The End of the Beginning (Or the Start of the Dawn of the Age of Superhero)

[bunniefuu]

TICK: All good things
must come to an end.

All bad things, too.

[GROWLS]

Some are good ends. Some are bad ends.

Some are split ends.

Which is to say they embody
attributes both good and bad.

NEWSCASTER [OVER TV]: The V-L-M
shows no sign of slowing

as the m*llitary
prepares a desperate last stand.

Authorities are urging everyone
to please get off the streets

and take immediate shelter.

There's no time for evacuation.

- It's almost here. Superian?
- Hmm?

- If you can hear this broadcast...
- [GRUNTS]

...please, this city needs you.

MAN: ...into position.

[V-L-M FOOTSTEPS RUMBLING]

TICK: Yes, everything ends.

And we all know it.

That's what makes things
so special to begin with.

[GRUNTS]

[SHOUTS]

[GROANS]

That's right, Bob's Big Boy!

No piggies go to this market!

[GRUNTING]

TICK: Now, heroes,

they like their ends to have
the epic sweep of legend.

ARTHUR: Oh, oh, whoa...

TICK: So it's in their very nature

to want them to finish
with a big shebang.

ARTHUR: I have something here

that should shrink you
back to normal size.

Or blow both of us up.

But either way,
we'll be saving Superian's life.

So, wish us luck!

- [GRUNTS]
- [BEEPING]

ARTHUR: Oh, uh...

It's a...

it's a countdown situation.

I'm sorry about that.

They didn't tell me.

[DEVICE BEEPING STEADILY]

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Uh...

So, is this your first time
visiting the city?

SUPERIAN: Albert!

ARTHUR: What?

ARTHUR: What are you doing here?!

Relax, kid, I'm saving your life.

What?

♪ ♪

NEWS ANCHOR [OVER RADIO]: Again,
the V-L-M has stopped suddenly

at the city's edge.

He seems to be distracted at the moment

by local heroes The Tick
and his partner Mothman.

What does Arthur think they're doing?

OVERKILL:
We need to get to Brown Tingle.

What?

Hey.

- You okay?
- I'm dead.

I know, you must feel
like sh*t after that.

No... I went into cardiac
arrest eight minutes ago.

- I'm deceased.
- Come on...

NEWS ANCHOR: The mayor's office
has put out a statement...

But how are you talking?

Superior training, indomitable will.

You really don't have a pulse.

Just adrenaline and rage
keeping me going.

Also, m*llitary-grade Adderall.

Listen, The Terror's new lair,
it's in the BTC building.

- Okay.
- We have to get...

What?

Oh, God.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Once again, we can confirm
Superian has arrived,

and appears to be
taking matters in hand.

[GASPS]

There's that extraterrestrial
enema bag.

Bring me my remote trigger.

Get the cameras ready.

As soon as I detonate the V-L-M,

and obliterate Superian,

we go live with the gloat.

Still no sign Arthur
has moved away from the V-L-M,

though it seems clear
Superian is taking command.

Oh, Arthur.

ARTHUR: Superian, please listen to me.

You need to get out of here now!

SUPERIAN:
No, you need to get out of here.

I have work to do.

I have to stop the M&M.

That's it, Superian. Get right
up in that monster's puss.

If you don't leave, you're gonna
die, in... three seconds.

You're funny.
[LAUGHS]

[DEVICE BEEPING RAPIDLY]

[EXHALES]

- [TICK SHOUTS]
- [GASPING]

I didn't push it.

I was about to push
the button, and then...

What the hell was that?

[GROANING]

NEWS ANCHOR: ...where a giant
expl*si*n has lit up the sky.

I hope that's the right kind
of expl*si*n.

NEWS ANCHOR: No sign yet of Superian

or of Tick and Arthur.

TICK: Destiny.

I've only ever wanted
to do what you ask of me,

and I know that's the right way.

But now, I'm asking:

please.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Ha!

NEWS ANCHOR: The V-L-M seems
to be shrinking in size rapidly.

[CHEERING]

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHING]

They're going off script!

[GRUNTING]

[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]

TICK [DISTORTED]:
Arthur!

Arthur!

You're alive!

- What?
- You've prevailed.

You're a prevailer.

- You saved the day!
- I can't hear you,

it was really loud up there!

Ha! Yeah, I bet.

And sparkly.

You're welcome?!

Look! Superian made it, too.

[SUPERIAN THUDS]

- [CHEERING]
- Superian!

Whoa!
[GRUNTS]

- Superian! You did it!
- Huh?

I did?

The V-L-M has been
completely neutralized.

- Oh.
- Superian! Are you okay?

Yeah, just, uh...

Just a little Bismuth hangover,
that's all.

Okay.

How's everybody doing? Good?

No? Where we going?

Hey, party bus.

What... uh...

TICK: Oh, hey! Look at you.

The right size and everything.

- [SIREN WAILING]
- Where are my pants?

Those nice people over there
will pant you up.

- [HORN HONKS]
- All right. Off you go, sailor.

Yeah... okay.

- Uh... uh?
- There he is!

[MOANING]

- Cover him up!
- Oh!

- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm starting to hear now.

A little bit. Hey, Tick, come on.

We should get out of here before... ah!

Oh, we're way past "ah," chum.

No, I think my sister's trying
to call. She must be worried.

- Dot?
- DOT [OVER COMM]: Arthur, you there?

Dot? Hey, uh, I-it's fine.

I'm-I'm fine, okay? Everything's okay.

Yeah, I know, I heard it on the radio.

Listen, Overkill and I know
where The Terror's hiding.

Wait, I'm sorry.
Why are you with Overkill?

We just had a fight
with Miss Lint in the Pyramid.

[OVER COMM]: Well, it was more
of an infiltration, really.

Infiltration? What are the two
of you doing infiltrating?

DOT: Look, Arthur,

it turns out I infiltrate, all right?

- That's just something that I do.
- It's something you do?

Arthur, focus.

The Terror's hideout is
the Brown Tingle building.

B-Brown Tingle?

The cola company? Are you sure?

We got it straight from Miss Lint.

And now that his plan has been outed,

he's probably not gonna stick
around there very long, so...

Okay, okay, just stay there.

We'll-we'll be over in a minute
and-and no infiltration.

Arthur... shut up.

Yes, thank you. I'm so thirsty.

Never told you two poor dumbasses

what the secret ingredient is, did I?

Uh, Garrett's dead, sir.

You k*lled him
at this morning's meeting.

Been putting it in BTC
since the very beginning.

One drop per bottle.

You've been poisoning it.

I've been peeing in it.

Good one, sir.

Yeah.

What is it, nap time?

Oh, hey, where you been?

Transmitting your signal,

bringing your big, naked man
to the table.

What the hell is going on out there?

My button didn't work.

The whole plan's falling apart.

That little Everest prick
must've found the scientist.

The V-L-M didn't even blow up.

He shrunk.

And I never get to make
my announcement.

Well, okay. What do we do?

[SIGHS] Hmm?

Next. What do we do next?

I got an idea.

Let's go find Overkill
and try to get him to off me.

What?

Of course I've been spying on you.

You haven't been yourself
since you came back, Lint.

You're moody, got a weird look
in that eye of yours.

Like all of a sudden,
this isn't good enough, is it?

I thought that if I got
back into it, I don't know,

- that it would be like it was.
- It is like it was.

I used to think that you had
an actual vision,

but then all of this, all of
this music of the spheres crap.

- Ugh.
- And can you not see that it's crazy?

None of it makes any sense.

It's all just whatever
comes into your head next.

Makes perfect sense.

Did it never occur to you
that we could, you know, steal.

That we could rob a diamond
exchange, a museum, a mint,

things that actually turn a profit!

How about you remember
your place, Janet?!

How about I make myself a new one?

Ooh, that's the spirit.

[SHOUTS]

My bracelets!

Your bracelets?

Or mine?

All right, new plan.

Everest wants to play. Good.

I want to go punch him
in his mother's face!

Let's go do that.

[TERROR CHUCKLES]

All right.

Let's go make some mayhem.

[TICK GRUNTING]

[OVER COMM]:
Arthur, it's Dangerboat.

Overkill told me what you did.

You are so brave.

ARTHUR [OVER COMM]: Uh, thanks,
but I can't really talk.

We're heading over
to the BTC building now.

DANGERBOAT: That's why I'm calling.

[OVER COMM]: The Terror
has launched his T-Ship.

He knows we b*at him.

He's coming after us.

DANGERBOAT: My scanners indicate

if he maintains his current course,

he will intersect with The
Flag Five memorial celebration.

The memorial.

Mom!

[OVER COMM]:
I got to go.

DANGERBOAT: Arthur, be careful.

- [COMM BEEPS]
- I love you.

So, these were always
under your control.

You are a loose cannon
full of lightning, Lint.

Of course I'm gonna slap
some cuffs on that circus.

Now, shut up.

I'm trying to get in the mood.

[WALTER SIGHS]

I know what he's been doing, Walter.

I've known it ever since I saw
them save the bus on the news.

And you're okay with that?

No, I wanted him to have a normal life

for himself and so far,
it's been a disaster.

I think that's the reason

Arthur is such a failure
at normal life.

He's supposed to have a special one.

- Arthur is special.
- [SHIP HUMMING]

I know that sound.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[TICK GRUNTS]

Lady Justice.

ARTHUR: Come on, Tick, this way.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

- JOAN: Walter.
- WALTER: Joan, I'm here.

Tick, they got my mom.

Mother-napper.

Can you take down that ship?

All over it, chum.

What the hell was that?!

Evasive maneuvers!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[WHIRRING]

[ZAPPING]

[GRUNTING]

We've got a gremlin on our wing.

No, Terror, you've got a Tick.

[GRUNTING]

[ZAPPING]

[GRUNTING]

JOAN: Walter.

Walter!

[GRUNTING]

[ZAPPING]

[ZAPPING]

Walter, hang on!

What happened?

I... thought you did this.

Maybe they turned on each other, huh?

- Arthur?
- Mom! Mom.

Oh, God.

Arthur.

I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, Mom, I'm just,
I'm trying to be cool here.

- Oh. Do like the outfit.
- Okay, Mom.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

[GRUNTING]

Cutting through your armor
like it's a piecrust!

Now you see what it's like
with these people!

Shut up!

Shake him. Shake him like a baby.

TICK: Come on, ship.

Get down with your bad self.

[GRUNTING]

Keep up the good work.
Uh, I'll be right back.

I think I left something
in the escape pod.

Janet. Janet?

Come on, open the door.

The pod is clearly a two-seater.

[POD BEEPS]

Lint! Lint!

You... [GROANS]

All right.

Got to admit, she got me good there.

This crater is brought to you
by the letter "T."

Okay, everyone, let's get back
off the street now.

- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
- ARTHUR: Hey!

Look out!

[CAR ALARM BLARING]

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

♪ ♪

MAN:
Oh, God! [COUGHS]

ARTHUR: Tick?

Tick?

Look at you. All heroed up.

[CHUCKLES] Proud of yourself,
you little cup of piss?

You ruined my tune.

You've ruined my life.

Your life's a joke, dumbass.

You think this is a meaningful
existence we're living in? Huh?

This dumpster fire?

This is a musical comedy.

And I...

am the only one making it rhyme.

You didn't mean to do any of this.

You didn't mean to k*ll my father

and turn me into what I am now.

No, that was destiny.

You're just a sad,
demented, evil old man,

and everyone can see it.

I can see it, too.

You have nothing
to hide behind now, Terror.

You got nothing.

Hmm.

I was wrong. He's got a g*n.

TICK: That's something.

Tick!

But your b*ll*ts won't pierce

his valiant heart, The Terror.

Oh, but the face.

Chum, he knows your weakness!

Not in the face, not in
the face, not in the face,

not in the face.

You can k*ll me, but it doesn't matter.

We've already won.

Superian's alive, and he knows
that you're alive, too.

If you pull that trigger, Terror...

[KNUCKLES cr*ck]

I will hurt you.

- [SCOFFS]
- TICK: Your plans

for world domination are dashed.

Half-wits. I'm not trying to
take over the world.

I'm trying to take it back.

Whoa. Cool entrance, Superian.

SUPERIAN: I'll take it
from here, fellas.

Thanks for the assist, Arthur.

[ICE CRACKLING]

TICK: I'd say you did a little
more than "assist," chum.

Well, it's okay, Tick. I did
exactly what I set out to do:

expose The Terror's existence

and hand him over
to the proper authorities.

Oh, you did a little more
than that, chum.

- WOMAN: Oh, honey.
- GIRL: Daddy.

- MAN: I'm good.
- ♪ Then, before my eyes... ♪

WOMAN: You okay?

- GIRL: I was so scared.
- MAN: Yeah.

♪ I beheld it there, ♪

♪ a city on a hill ♪

♪ I complete my tasks ♪

♪ one by one ♪

♪ I remove my masks ♪

♪ when I am done ♪

♪ One fine day ♪

♪ One fine day ♪

♪ One fine day... ♪

All right. Nice day. You're welcome.

Oh, it's my pleasure, really.

Oh, my...

All right, let's just grab one here.

So, what's bothering you now?

Nothing.

Hands up! Good.

OVERKILL: Just wanted it to be me

who brought down The Terror.

I was robbed of my vengeance.

Well, he's not dead yet.

Whatever cell they put him in,
I'm sure there's every chance

he'll find a way to escape.

You're just saying that to
make me feel better.

- Thanks.
- SUPERIAN: Oh, my gosh,

yes, it's me. All right.
[LAUGHS] You good?

MAN: Here, wait up, man!

MAN : Here, let me get a picture, man.

[FANS CLAMORING]

"It's not for honor or glory
that The Flag Five fight,

"but for freedom alone,

"which no good man,
woman or canine surrenders

except with his, her or its life."

Powerful, powerful words, I'm assuming.

Enough to be engraved in stone, anyway.

MIDNIGHT: It's plagiarized.

Whoa, Midnight, my favorite author.

How goes your search for self,
my blue friend?

Well, it's still going.
I found out I'm not a robot.

Oh, nice.

What were you saying about the
inscription being plagiarized?

MIDNIGHT: Uncle Samson got it

from a th-century Scottish baron.

He wasn't the most
eloquent man, Samson.

But it's a reminder that
superheroes are imperfect beings

just like everyone else.

You're Arthur, Overkill's friend.

The one who wouldn't shut up
about The Terror.

Uh, yeah, that's right.

Way to go, son. Shake.

Oh. Uh, okay. Thanks.

MIDNIGHT: You're in the public eye now.

Big Brother's watching.
Tread carefully.

What?

What? Wait a second. What does that...

what does that mean?

Later, dog.

- Maybe I'm a dog.
- [SIGHS] You're not a dog, Tick.

All right, fair enough.

You feel great, don't you?

I guess. Uh, I mean,
it's new, you know?

I don't even know what to do
with this feeling,

what it's called.

Accomplishment, chum.

ARTHUR: Huh. It feels good.

Just wish I knew what Midnight meant

by "Big Brother is watching."

I'm sure we'll find out.

[BEEPING, TRILLING]