02x01 - Half a World Gone Mad

[bunniefuu]

[WOMAN] PREVIOUSLY ON GRAVES:

I'm not dead yet.

What a prick.

This is your new assistant,
Isaiah Miller.

Hi.

There is a line, sir,

that you cannot expect me to cross.

- [SHOUTS]
- What is this?

- Peyote.
- Oh, my God!

Until the day I die,
I will be your president!

Vote Thomas Nash for Senate.

I'm gonna announce
my Senate candidacy at RPAC.

- [ECSTATIC MOANING]
- You are what I want.

I'm pregnant.

- Hey, bro.
- [g*nsh*t]

I'm gonna come over there and b*at
the [BLEEP] truth into you.

Your own half-hour show.

Unh!

Thanks for coming.

That's the furthest I've
come for a second date, so...

- I could never be with someone like you.
- f*ck you!

Martin Treadwell, the would-be assassin
of former President Richard Graves,

has been granted a weekend furlough.

My very own cowboy, Richard Graves.

[CHEERING]

[g*nsh*t]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

["TO LOVE SOMEBODY" BY BEE GEES PLAYING]

Jesus, kid.

[MAN ON TV] If you're just joining us,
we're waiting on news of Isaiah Miller,

the brave young man who
underwent a four-hour surgery

after taking a b*llet for
former president Richard Graves

last night at the RPAC convention.

This is my f*cking fault.

Don't say that.

[MAN ON TV CONTINUES TALKING]

Don't you be such a f*ckin'...

[CONTINUES SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

I'm out of here, Maggie.

Richard.

God, look at you. My boy.

Oh, God. You should see it out there.

So many people, news people, right,

all talking about you, Mr. Bigshot, huh?

My baby boy. Oh, my God.

Oh, and not for nothing. Get this.

They sent the President's plane for me.

Honey, there was leather seats,
uh, free sandwiches.

I had, I can taste it now,
the most beautiful pastrami on rye.

You would've d*ed. It was cut
thin, sliced thin. No fat.

You know what I'm saying? With
a little bit of mustard, not too much,

'cause, you know... [BELCHES]

...how I get the heartburn,
right? [CHUCKLES]

Baby?

Mom?

What the hell are you talking about?

♪ ♪

["THE RUBBERBAND MAN"
BY THE SPINNERS PLAYING]

♪ You and me we're goin' out
To catch the latest sound ♪

♪ Guaranteed to blow Your mind
so high You won't come down ♪

♪ Hey y'all prepare yourself
For the rubberband man ♪

♪ You've never Heard a sound ♪

♪ Like the rubberband man ♪

♪ You're bound to lose control When
the rubberband Starts to jam ♪

[GROANS]

♪ Rubberband, rubberband man, get down ♪

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo ♪

- [MAN] You need to get in here.
- President Graves?

- [MAN NOW!
- ["HAIL TO THE CHIEF"PLAYING]

- Hurry up!
- President Graves? Sir...

Come on down to Girrardi's Mattresses,
my fellow Americans.

Because if this Tempur-Pedic mattress

is firm enough for New
Mexico's favorite son,

it's firm enough for you.

- Love the flannel.
- Oh. Hi.

Hi. Um, I'm Katie Farrell, Mrs. Graves'
new communications director.

Oh, right. Yes, I heard
she might be hiring someone new.

- I'm Isaiah Mill...
- I know who you are, Isaiah.

I'm just gonna say it up front,
what you did for President Graves,

totally inspirational.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[GASPS] I see you two have met.

Katie Farrell is my new secret w*apon.

She's gonna work
with Lawrence and Annie.

Proudest moment of my life.

[MAN ON TV] Margaret Graves,
does she still have it?

Christopher Sachs,
weigh in on this, please.

Well, Margaret Graves
may win the primary,

but she's gonna get
absolutely slaughtered

in the general, and we can't afford
to lose this seat to the Democrats.

Not to mention the fact
that Richard Graves

has not attended a single
rally with this woman.

This is just another vanity run
by a former first lady and...

Well, we all know how that story
ends, don't we? [SNICKERS]

[MAN] Christopher Sachs, everybody.
Thank you very much. Reporting live...

Come on. I'm gonna show her around.

I should probably just see, just
in case if you need anything.

[WOMAN SINGING ARIA]

- [KNOCKING]
- [MARGARET] Olivia, darling?

God.

I just look fat, don't I?

Olivia, where is all your furniture?

Things make me sad.

What things?

[WHISPERING] All the things.

Olivia, this is
Katie Farrell, sweetheart.

It's such an honor to meet you, Olivia?

You've been an inspiration to
millions of young women, like me.

[EXHALES DEEPLY] I don't mean to
be rude, but go f*ck yourself.

Livie! Please forgive Olivia.

She's going through some sort
of pre-partem depression,

which, I'm told, is not real.

OK, it is real, Katie,
and it's getting realer.

- What's this?
- [MARGARET] A birth itinerary.

I had my team put it together.
You have the best OB/GYN in the state.

This is the easiest birth one can
have short of being unconscious.

Which we did check into.

[WHISPERING] It's not legal.

[ARIA CONTINUING]

Please... leave.

[MUSIC ENDS]

Katie Farrell, this is Julia Martinez.

She's new to us, but has already
proved herself to be invaluable.

She's a real pro. She worked for Bernie

and Jane Sanders in Vermont.
For how long?

Ten very long years, ma'am.

Poor thing.

So I've been meaning to ask,
where is President Graves?

He's on sabbatical.

He's up at Donald Rumsfeld's
hunting cabin.

I thought he'd be back
last week, but he...

he decided to extend his stay.

Are you sure you're OK, Isaiah?

No, I'm good. I'm great, actually.

Well, that's a big, fat lie.

Hi, Mom.

My son is very upset.

I'm not upset, Ma.

[MARGARET] Katie, this is
Sylvia Miller, Isaiah's mother.

She's been staying with us
during his recovery.

- How are you feeling? You're hot.
- I'm not hot.

Mom, I don't have a fever.

Listen to me. Don't let him
fool you, Mrs. Graves.

He has not heard from the President
since he woke up from the hospital.

Not one call, since the hospital?

Look, guys, I'm fine, OK?

President Graves just wants to be
alone, which is very understandable

after the year he's had.

I mean...

I'm sure he wanted to call.

["TOMORROW'S GONNA BE A BRIGHTER
DAY" BY JIM CROCE PLAYING]

♪ Well, I'm sorry for
The things that I told you ♪

♪ Words only go so far ♪

♪ And if I had my way
I would reach into heaven ♪

♪ And I'd pull you Down a star ♪

♪ Well, I know
That it hasn't been easy ♪

♪ And I haven't Always been around ♪

♪ To say the right words
Or to hold you in the mornin' ♪

♪ Or to help you When you're down ♪

♪ I know I never showed you
Much of a good time ♪

♪ But baby things Are gonna change ♪

♪ I'm gonna make up for all
Of the hurt I brought ♪

♪ I'm gonna love away All your pain ♪

♪ And tomorrow's
Gonna be a brighter day ♪

♪ There gonna Be some changes ♪

♪ Tomorrow gonna Be a brighter day ♪

♪ This time You can believe me ♪

♪ No more cryin' In your lonely room ♪

♪ And no more empty nights ♪

♪ 'Cause tomorrow mornin'
Everything will turn Out right ♪

♪ Mm-mm-mm It gonna it gonna ♪

♪ It gonna be A brighter day ♪

♪ It gonna it gonna ♪

♪ It gonna be a brighter day ♪

♪ It gonna it gonna ♪

♪ It gonna be a brighter day ♪

♪ It gonna be it gonna be
It gonna be a brighter day ♪

♪ Mmm come on tomorrow
Gonna be a brighter day ♪

sh*t.

Means a lot to me that you came.

Yeah, well, you know,
"Get here or f*cking die,"

was an invitation I just
couldn't refuse, so...

Oh, hey, just a head's up, I've only got
a couple hours before my show tapes.

Yeah, congrats. You made Malala cry.

Do not sh*t in my Froot Loops, Liv.

Things are moving very fast
for me, I have a brand now.

OK? I am a brand.

[TEXT MESSAGE BEEPS ON CELL PHONE]

Jesus, Jeremy, can you put that
thing down for five minutes?

I get it, you're fascinating,

but I'm literally sitting
here, growing a human.

Hello there, folks.

Hey.

So let's get started, Miss Graves.

OK, OK, I'm here for you,
right? Talk to me.

Well, besides the nausea,
the bleeding gums, the acne,

the super fun new facial hair,

I'm feeling totally f*cking alone.

OK.

Not to mention, I saw
this segment on The View

about the former First Daughters,
you know, Amy, Chelsea,

that bitch, Caroline Kennedy,

all of whom are doing frickin'
amazing things for the world.

And me, it's like...

I was intentionally excluded
from that segment.

I mean, what am I doing for the world?

I'm living at home, I'm pregnant,

[WHISPERING] which I obviously suck at.

Oh, let's not be so hard
on yourself, all right?

I mean, think about how good
you were at getting pregnant.

That's true.

There's baby.

And there is the heartbeat.

[JEREMY] Look at that.

This is getting way too real.

[SYLVIA] My son is gonna be
the first Jewish president.

Ta-dah!

- Ha!
- That's very intense.

I did this myself, I had these made.
Look, there's your name, baby.

OK, I really appreciate that, Mom,

but, you know, I just... it's a
little much with everything.

Everything is set for you
to go all the way,

just like you wanted,
just like you planned, right?

OK, you know what, I think
I just need a little air.

- What's the matter? You in pain?
- No, I'll be right back, Ma.

No, I think you're overdoing it,

- is what you're doing.
- You stay right there.

Do you want some antacid?
I've got antacid in my purse.

I'm begging you.

You're smothering me, Mom.

Are you exhausted? Maybe
you have exhaustion.

Please, Mom, OK.

A little Pepto-Bismol maybe
would make you feel better.

- I need to take a walk.
- How's your back? Did that hurt?

- I'm fine.
- Don't go for a walk without a sweater,

that's just dumb.

Where are you go...?
Do you want me to come?

I'm worried!

Katie's right, Maggie? We need
to get the big guy back here.

If the President isn't at your side

when you accept the win
over Nash tomorrow night,

it's all anyone's gonna talk about.

I'd hate to start off
the general with a question.

If only he would answer
his damn cell phone.

I'm sure he hasn't even charged it.

I think we should drive
up there and go and get...

I'll do it.

I'll go up there, and I'll
bring the President back.

He'll listen to me.

Mmm, I don't think you should, Isaiah.

Please, ma'am. Let me do this.

["YOU'RE GONNA MISS ME" BY THE
TH FLOOR ELEVATORS PLAYING]

Oh, sh**t.

♪ You're gonna wake up One morning ♪

♪ As the sun greets the dawn ♪

♪ You're gonna wake up One morning ♪

♪ As the sun greets the dawn ♪

♪ You're gonna look around
In your mind, girl ♪

♪ You're gonna find that I'm gone ♪

♪ You didn't realize

♪ You didn't realize
You didn't realize ♪

♪ Oh, you're gonna Miss me, baby ♪

♪ Oh, you're gonna Miss me ♪

Thanks.

[WOMAN ON TV] But Margaret Graves
will win the General, won't she?

[CHRISTOPHER] No, no, no, no,
Margaret Graves is too low energy.

She's too robotic.

She's too chronically uninterested
in connecting with her voters

on a human level to have
a prayer in this race.

Just because a certain sect
may have revered you yesterday

does not make you the candidate
for today, that's all.

Ignore him, Maggie.

On the Sachs scale of one
to dead, Graves is a zombie.

And now this, seriously?

How the hell am I supposed
to ignore him at this point?

You have a double digit lead
over Nash, that's how.

It doesn't matter. This man has been
trashing me everywhere for weeks,

This Christopher something,
what is his name?

Sachs. Far-right kingmaker,
Karl Rove prodigy, already a legend.

Well, this kingmaker thinks that I can't
b*at the Democrat in the general.

He's betting his entire legendary
career on it, and I do not understand,

for the life of me, why
this man hates me so much.

Me, what the f*ck is there to hate?

- Absolutely nothing.
- Ze-ro.

I want to meet him.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

- Now?
- Right now.

♪ You say Scarlett's my name ♪

♪ Invitation ♪

Hey, Liv.

Hey.

Jesus, was it that bad?

You have no idea.

What do you want? You want the usual?

- Make it a double.
- OK.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

So I toured the hospital
my mother picked today.

God, I f*cking hate hospitals.

My experience is, people that go
in pretty much don't come out.

It's just so weird, they get
born into the one place

you spend the rest
of your life avoiding.

- Oh, and you're gonna love this.
- What?

Maggie and her goon squad

already scheduled
my C-section for July th.

She keeps saying, "Independence
Day, baby," like that's a thing.

That's not a thing.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

She doesn't think I can
handle natural childbirth,

that I'm too weak.

What she's really saying is that
I'm incapable of handling life.

Like some mental patient.

Predictably Olivia.

Look, there's always, always going
to be someone to say something.

And the only person that you
have to answer to is yourself.

I'm gonna see
if I can get off work early,

because I think
there's someone you should meet.

♪ How would you know ♪

- [MUSIC ENDS]
- [SIGHS]

[ANNOUNCER] Welcome back to
The Truth with Jeremy Graves

and special guest Glenn Beck.

I am just saying, Jeremy,
that your vitriol on TV

is not helping
the national conversation.

Because that's exactly the kind of angry

"us versus them" rhetoric
that I regret using.

If our republic is gonna survive, we're
gonna need to find some common ground

against those who thr*aten
the fabric of our democracy.

OK, OK, OK, just shut up, Glenn, OK?

You wanna know the truth, huh?

OK, all right, here we go.

The truth is, we're all just living
on a , -mile-wide powder keg,

where kids go hungry
and people are getting sh*t

every f*cking day by psychopaths,

and we just sleep through it,
so we've got a choice.

We can either choose
to continue ignoring it,

or we can choose to grow a pair,

point a g*dd*mn finger,

light a match,
and blow it the [BLEEP] up!

And we'll be right back.

[DRAMATIC NEWS MUSIC]

- [MAN] And we're clear.
- [SIGHS]

You know what, Jeremy? You are
the biggest ass on the planet.

- Praise from Caesar.
- [TEXT MESSAGE BEEPS ON CELL PHONE]

What the f*ck?

Hey, it's Tasha. I'll call you back.

Tash, it's Jeremy. I got your text.

Really shitty.

Can we... We just need to talk
about this... please.

f*ck.

OK, honestly, how bad is it if
someone text breaks up with you?

Honestly? The worst.

f*ck!

You know how women say sh*t like, like,
"It's so sexy when a guy is driven,"

or, "Power and money is attractive"?

Well, then riddle me this.

How come the f*cking moment, the second,
I achieve a modicum of success,

suddenly, 'cause I'm not available
-f*cking-seven anymore,

my girlfriend tells me,

"You're not what I signed up for."

What am I, a college elective?

I'm sorry, I didn't realize
that you'd signed up

for the depressed
trust fund baby with PTSD.

How rude of me to try and better myself.

And this is a girl whose father
is a serial k*ller, by the way.

So just FYI, you know,
it just, it really...

[BREATHING FAST]

...it's just f*cked up.

[MARGARET] Thank you for flying in
on such little notice, Mr. Sachs.

Oh, the pleasure's mine,
Mrs. Graves, believe me.

Hmm.

Better.

This, you, me, this is fun.

- Define fun.
- Hmm?

I need to know what the hell I've
done to upset you, Mr. Sachs.

Do I seem upset?

You seem to be enjoying
yourself at my expense.

I just call them like I see them,
Mrs. Graves.

Really?

Let me ask you something.

Why should I vote for you?

Because I'm gonna fight.

I've been through more battles
than you ca...

No, no, no, we all know you
were First Lady. Come on.

And I'm a mother. I know what
it's like for these people...

[SNORING] OK, I just
fell asleep, two times.

[CHUCKLES]

Listen, your husband's past
burns you for liberals.

His present burns you for conservatives.

You're not religious
enough for the pious.

Women don't respect you because
you're not your own person,

and men don't like a bossy lady.

But more than any of that,

do you know why you're gonna lose?

Because you think I'm wrong.

The world is changing,
politics is changing,

and you are a dinosaur

who's wondering why it's
getting so hard to breathe.

The night before the election?

[SNICKERING]

And you're talking to me?

You should be out there,
knocking on doors,

pleading with people to vote for you,

not taking a g*dd*mn thing for granted.

Mrs. Graves.

Hmm.

President Graves?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

President Graves, sir?

[CAR APPROACHES]

Oh. Uh...

- Oh, uh, excuse me?
- [CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Uh, I'm looking for Richard Graves.

[RASPY BREATHING]

Oh my God, that person's massive.

Oh, sh*t.

- Calm down. Calm down.
- Oh.

Sir?

Jesus, Isaiah.

Oh, my God, you look filthy.

You just gonna stand there
like some school girl,

or are you gonna come on
inside and get warm?

I don't believe it.

Sir.

- [OLIVIA] A home birth?
- [SAMANTHA] Liv, meet Phoenix,

every pregnant woman's companion for
birthing in the comfort of your own home.

You're a doula?

Traditionally, doulas are woman,

but I felt drawn to the birthing game.

You're a man doula then.

[CHUCKLES]

What? My parents did it.

Natural birth, it's no meds, no
hospital, predictability level, zero.

Bottom line, I am a birthing companion.

Certified in seven massage
techniques and Jin Shin acupressure

to make sure you are
continuously relaxed

throughout every moment
of every trimester.

[CHUCKLES] Maggie would have a stroke.

You are doing the hardest thing
any woman will ever have to do.

All alone, by yourself,
which is all kinds of f*cked up.

But your mom wants you
to have a C-section

because she thinks that you
can't handle life?

Prove her wrong.

Go on.

I am dedicated by word and my oath

to give you the home birth you deserve.

You are no longer alone, Olivia.

You are a strong woman,

and you are physiologically
engineered to perform

the one seemingly
impossible task of birth.

I am.

I am strong.

Right?

As f*ck.

I would love to show you some
of the babies I helped birth.

[ISAIAH] Love what they've
done with the place.

It's very Noah's ark
meets the Holocaust.

Well, hunting is a oldest
and most noble sport.

You look great.

Yeah. Shoulder's mostly healed.

Good. Good.

Well, anyway, we...

We've got a lot of work to do, Isaiah.

I'm writing a book, a real memoire,

not that piece of sh*t
that was written years ago.

It's gonna be about me before I forever
f*cked up the world. [CHUCKLES]

Well, that's very interesting,
sir, but you know, I...

The thing, the terrible thing,

I'm having... trouble,
Isaiah, trouble remembering.

Well, I'm sure...

Remembering who I was back then,
when I was younger,

before I was polluted with politics,

before I was Governor or President.

I'm having trouble, Isaiah.

You know, I think maybe we should
probably talk, actually.

So we've got a lot of work to do, Isaiah.
I need your help...

You never called!

It's been two months.
You never even called.

Not once.

I...

- I got updates.
- Updates?

You got updates? I got sh*t!

I got sh*t, and when I woke
up, you weren't there!

Updates? f*ck you, sir!

Respectfully.

I think I could've done it better.

- You think?
- Yeah.

You can't just run away and
pretend that everything is OK.

I'm not OK.

Sir, I'm not OK.

I could've d*ed.

Do you even care?

Oh, for Christ's sake, I cared.

It should've been me, Isaiah.

What the f*ck were you thinking,
standing in front of that g*n?

If he had sh*t me, it would've
been a mercy k*lling.

I would've welcomed it with open arms.

But you...

[CHUCKLES] you have
your whole life ahead of you.

Yes, sir, I understand, but you...

Isaiah.

What?

Isaiah...

you have no i...

- Jesus Christ.
- I understand.

- I understand. Come. Come here.
- [SOBBING] There was nothing...

I'm sorry, kid.

- I'm so sorry, really.
- It's OK.

- It's OK.
- I'm really sorry.

[CHUCKLING] It's OK, sir. It's OK.

Oh, wow.

Oh, boy.

Mr. President.

What the f*ck are you doing here, Walsh?

Well, I thought you'd be gone by now.

It's poker night. Rummy
said I could use the cabin.

Do I look gone?

- Well...
- Get the hell out of here!

Yeah, yeah, sure.
We'll just leave you kids be.

- [QUIETLY] He's still a prick.
- [RICHARD] I heard that!

It's an honor, Senator, and good work
on your recent appropriations bill.

[CHUCKLING]

- Holy Jesus, Isaiah.
- What?

You're too much.

What appropriations bill?

Funny thing.

I have this foggy memory,

or maybe it was just a dream,

of you whispering to me in the hospital.

Something about how I should
stop being such a p*ssy.

And how you got sh*t three times

and I only got it once.

You didn't, um...?

No.

'Course not. I would never.

["STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND"
BY LEON RUSSELL PLAYING]

♪ How many days has it been
Since I was born ♪

♪ How many days ♪

Hi, I'm Margaret Graves.

I'd be so honored to have your vote.

♪ Do I know any ways ♪

♪ I can make you laugh ♪

♪ Or do I only know
How to make you cry ♪

♪ When the baby looks Around him ♪

♪ It's such a sight to see ♪

♪ He shares a simple secret
With the wise man ♪

♪ He's a stranger In a strange land ♪

Hey, it's Tasha. I'll call you back.

Tasha, call me.

f*ck!

♪ He's a stranger In a strange land ♪

♪ Come on and sing it Children ♪

So Olivia's starting to show, and
despite the constant complaining,

she claims to want to use her
hormones for positivity,

so I'm excited about that.

And Jeremy hasn't really been
around since he moved out,

but his show is doing great.

Uh, Mrs. Graves misses you so much, sir,

but she's very focused on her campaign.
You'd be very proud.

My physical therapist,
Jerome, was a godsend.

[CONTINUES TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ Just a stranger In a strange land ♪