I'm just starting
the process of changing my name.
I just got divorced.
- Oh, bummer.
- Not really.
This is to celebrate
your papers being signed
and for me officially investing
in the gallery.
Thank you, but it's a loan.
I'm paying you back.
♪
You're single. You're a free man.
So that would be implying
that I'm getting laid a lot.
No. No, that's not happening.
♪
WOMAN: Frances,
I would like you to meet Andrew.
Now that you're single, are you swiping?
I haven't taken the plunge yet.
Well, don't start because
you're clearly a mess.
- Really?
- A walking disaster.
I feel like I got sole custody
of Mila's inner bitch.
You're changing your name? f*ck you.
f*ck you!
♪
(MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ There's a reason
for the sun-shining sky ♪
♪ And there's a reason
why I'm feeling so high ♪
♪ Must be the season ♪
♪ When that love light
shines all around us ♪
♪ So, let that feeling
grab you deep inside ♪
♪ And send you reeling
where your love can't hide ♪
♪ And then go stealing
through the moonlit nights ♪
♪ With your lover ♪
I appreciate this Robert,
coming here after work.
Your dream of a
professional-grade pizza oven
is my dream of a
professional-grade pizza oven.
I just had no idea how much
pleasure it would bring me
just to braise a loin,
supreme a grapefruit.
I hear ya.
I can't believe how much I'm
digging this physical labor.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
I mean, it's just short-term,
make some money.
But there's something about
building with your own hands,
coming home soaked in your own sweat.
I mean, check out these traps.
- That's impressive.
- Thanks.
(CLEARS THROAT)
- You all right, Nick?
- I'm fine.
Your heart's not gonna
att*ck you again, is it?
No, no.
I just...
(CLEARS THROAT)
I've been a terrible friend.
I've treated you in
a condescending manner.
I've belittled you at times.
To be honest, I've been
a real g*dd*mn sh*t.
I don't know, I just thought
you were being you...
a d*ck.
That's not me, though.
That's what I realized.
I was just miserable.
Making money for what?
It was all just meaningless.
I want you to know I'm really sorry.
Dude!
(GRUNTS) Ah, Robert.
Ah, Nick, not so tight.
(GRUNTS)
A little tweak down there.
This is ridiculous. Let me help you.
Thanks, Nick.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Hi.
- Hi, hi.
- Nice to see you.
- You, too.
- Come on in.
- Thanks.
- Here, let me take your coat.
- Oh, thank you.
- Throw it on the couch.
- Okay.
Thanks for coming.
I didn't know who else to ask.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
My aunt, she... she d*ed two months ago,
so I'm left just dealing
with all of her stuff.
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
No, it's okay. She was a monster.
- She hit people.
- Well, then good riddance.
So, what do you think?
Is it worth anything?
Uh, I don't know.
Or wait, do I sound like a
jerk because you love art
and I'm just trying to make a buck here?
Well, I love art
and I'm trying to make a buck,
so I'm as awful as you are.
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah.
No, I don't recognize
any of these artists.
But wow, this is...
this is beautiful.
You love your work, huh?
Finally, yeah. (CHUCKLES)
So do you wanna get
dinner with me sometime?
Do you... do you mean like a date?
Like... like the thing you
said I shouldn't be doing?
- Did I say that?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no, that must've been before.
- Before what?
Before you were rattling
around in my brain.
- (CHUCKLES)
- So?
No, I don't... I don't think so.
- Oh, okay.
- No, it's not...
(STAMMERING) I think I should just
- be on my own for a bit.
- No, I get it.
It takes a while
to learn how to be alone.
But don't take too long,
because this whole situation...
(CHUCKLES)
will not sit on the shelf forever.
- Noted.
- Also, here.
This is for you; my thanks.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no way.
- I can't take that, no.
- Please, it's yours.
Unless it turns out to have any
value; then I'd like it back.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
- Fair enough, fair enough.
Wow, I love it.
(MAN ON TV SPEAKING JAPANESE)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Nick.
(MAN CONTINUES)
Nick!
I'm being fun and flirty!
I'm sorry, dear, I'm trying
to cut the saku just right.
My corset boobs used to drive you crazy.
And they will again, but right now,
it's all about my Kn*fe skills.
- But I'm a red devil.
- Honey, you should be happy
I've found something that
gives me so much pleasure.
I just wish you had
something comparable.
What do you mean?
I have something comparable.
- You do?
- Well, yes, of course. The art gallery.
I'm very passionate about it.
As a matter of fact, tomorrow
night, I'm taking Frances
to Gurbaksh Lee's birthday party...
(WHISPERS) in Harlem.
And I plan on introducing her to
all very important collectors.
So I have a lot of very important
stuff going on, too, Nick.
Perfect, because that is
one party I'm happy to miss.
Finance people,
what a pretentious bunch of dullards.
g*dd*mn perfection.
Okay, Sylvia Mac...
Sylvia MacDonald-Feinstein.
Yes, yes. And once again, I'm
so sorry to have bothered you.
And I'm so, so, so sorry
to hear that your...
that your dog was m*rder*d.
Okay, my sincere condolences.
Yes, bye-bye.
- (GROANS)
- (DOOR OPENS)
- DIANE: Good morning, Frances.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
FRANCES: Morning.
Uh, we have a red dot.
Yay, a red dot! I love a red dot.
- I got you an iced coffee.
- Thank you.
Got one for myself.
Ready to do some business.
But one sale?
That's why we need to talk
this place up tomorrow night.
We need to make it like a
destination, you know?
Like Cuba. What's this?
Oh, uh, it's... Andrew gave it to me.
- You saw him Andrew?
- Well, not like that, no.
He asked me to... to appraise some art.
- I knew you guys were a good match.
- Oh, no, I told him no.
- Sylvia MacDonald.
- Do you know her?
- Never heard of her.
- Yeah, me neither.
I'm trying to find her. You know,
maybe she has some other work.
Wow, good for you, Frances.
Out there, discovering an artist.
Well, so far, we only have locals,
and I don't know how deep that bench is.
I'm worried we're, like, six months away
- from bird houses and painted rocks.
- Yeah, I get it.
And as your business partner,
I completely support you
on whatever you wanna do.
Thank you.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
- I have good tits, right?
- You have great tits.
- Why, thank you.
(DRILL WHIRRING)
- Hi.
- Oh, God! Hi, hey.
Yeah, sorry. I'm just here
to get a little sneak peek
before the open house,
ahead of the competition.
- I'm Jackie.
- Oh, hey, Jackie.
That's a classic Realtor move.
Well, I am a Realtor,
but this one's for me.
My daughter and I are
moving into the neighborhood.
Ugh, never mind.
Really? That... that quick?
This kitchen doesn't have double sinks,
and I need to be able to pile my
dishes up for at least five days.
No judgment.
But you know what?
You know what, I happen to know
a house in the vicinity that's for sale
that has two sinks and a pasta faucet.
Why are we whispering?
Because the house is mine.
I don't wanna get labeled as a poacher.
It's a bad thing. But you
know what, to heck with it.
I can show you the house tomorrow.
Really? How's 5:00?
That's great! That's great.
Let me, uh... Robert DuFresne,
general contractor.
Listen, uh, no free looks
before the open house.
So I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
(WHISPERS) Oh!
Thanks for cooperating.
(CHATTER)
- Hello.
- Hi!
This might seem a little bit strange,
but are you Sylvia
MacDonald, the painter,
who at one point painted
an exquisite portrait
of, um... of a man's face in front
of a moody, grayish background?
I know this is odd, but I
came across the painting,
and I was so taken with it.
I have a gallery, it's in Hastings.
But anyway, are you by any chance
that Sylvia MacDonald?
No.
Um, you know what, can I get, um...
could... can I get...
could I get two rolls
of quarters, please?
I found a YouTube video
of who I think is you from 2008,
and it was an art opening where
you talked about your paintings.
Here you go, ma'am. Thank you. Next!
- No, um, can you just wait one second?
- Next!
- One second, one second.
- WOMAN: There's a line.
Um, can I get just change
for this 20, please?
- WOMAN: Come on!
- (PEOPLE MURMURING)
How about you take
your coffee break now?
(HORN HONKING)
So, you saw one painting of mine
and tracked me down to my job?
Yes, and I understand
that this is intrusive,
but I loved it.
I just wanted to see your other work.
- For my gallery.
- Yes, in Hastings.
Listen, Frances, I don't know you.
Do you know what I'm saying? I
don't know anything about you.
And you come here
to my place of business,
talking about a painting you saw
and wanting to work with me?
I know it sounds crazy, but I
can still like your painting.
What did you like about it?
Uh, okay.
I... I liked your marks.
You know, I like what
you did in the, um...
in the upper right-hand
corner with the gray.
You know, then there's the...
the part that...
that you just can't explain.
You just have a reaction, you know?
I... I'm just asking
to see more, that's all.
It's not "that's all."
It's what I do.
It's my most private thing.
How would you like it if I walked
into your place of business and said,
"Excuse me, but could
you show me your labia?"
I've been waiting a whole 10 minutes,
"so I really deserve to see your labia."
- Well, I wouldn't like that one bit.
- It's the same thing.
Well, except...
my labia, you know, wasn't
meant, by it's very medium,
to be hung on a wall
and enjoyed by others.
I think your painting is great.
I gotta go back to work.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(HORN HONKS)
(CAR ALARM BLARING IN DISTANCE)
So the slate ceramic
flooring, powder room,
breathtaking view
of the Hudson River Valley.
I'm doing some inlay on the glass doors.
Calligraphy, if you will.
Here it is just as promoted.
Two sinks, pasta faucet,
and it's not totally finished
so you can tinker around,
- get it to be like you want it to be.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm only gonna sell it to somebody
that's absolutely crazy about it.
Like, "Jesus, I have got to
have sex with this house."
Not sex in the house,
sex with the house.
Yeah.
I don't wanna have sex with your house.
Well, I was being figurative.
Oh, no, no, I like it.
I like it well enough.
And if I was gonna
take it off your hands,
I'd just have to knock, like,
$100k off the asking price.
What?! 100? That's crazy!
I just would have to rip everything out
and start from scratch.
These design choices are just way off.
- What do you mean way off?
- Yeah, like this island,
I would definitely...
I would cut it in half.
I would add a little cabinetry,
maybe a wine cooler.
And these floors, ugh!
Where did you get them, Home Depot?
That is Siberian larch wood!
They look really generic.
This house means a lot to me.
It sheltered me through
some pretty difficult times.
There's no way I'm gonna
sell this house to you
for your crappy offer.
And, you know, you've got a
little bit of an attitude.
Well, I opened up an office
about 10 minutes away.
Why don't you take my card
in case you change your mind.
You can imagine that this card
is gonna be ripped in half.
I'm not gonna do it in front of
you because that would be rude.
But in here and in here, ripped in half.
Okay. Thank you for your time.
Bye.
Thanks for yours.
- (BONES cr*ck)
- (GRUNTS)
Oh, f*ck. Holy f*ck.
(GROANS)
(GROANS, SIGHS)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
- Yes.
- He's adorable.
- Hi, Simone! So pretty.
- Hi! She's dressed like my mom.
- D.J.!
- Diane.
Oh, nice to see you.
- This is D.J. Crawford.
- Hi.
Young, beautiful, worth
about 20 million.
Don't you just wanna
strangle her in her sleep?
Diane, you are hysterical.
- I am, I am.
- Oh, my gosh, so funny.
- She's very funny.
- This is Frances Everdell,
my partner in our new gallery.
A gallery? That's exciting!
- Where is it?
- Hastings, New York.
Hastings? Like upstate?
No, it's not upstate.
That's so great.
Is it like folk art kind of stuff?
Um, no, it's just
regular contemporary art.
Yeah, and it's... it's not upstate.
We like to think of it as a "safe space"
kind of away from all the New
York judgment, if you will.
- That's so great.
- Gurbaksh!
Happy birthday!
Aw, how old are you today?
- 32.
- The big 3-2!
Very big milestone.
Excuse me, please.
- Oh, sure.
- Nice to see you.
Happy birthday.
(MUSIC STOPS)
Okay, folks. Thanks for
coming to my birthday party.
As you know, I forbade
presents this year,
but thanks to all of you who
donated to my charter school.
However, I did get myself a present.
One that's been
five years in the making.
Wow.
So, the moment I have been waiting for.
(CROWD GASPS, APPLAUDS)
- Um, sorry, I...
- Of course, of course.
- (CROWD MURMURING)
- Frances, he bought a Pelts!
Yes, I can see that.
Wow! What, you don't like it?
- No, I do not.
- Why?
It's big and... nothing.
- Hmm.
- Just feels "following the herd."
Well, the herd
is the one buying the art,
and they seem to love it.
I don't, but it's okay. (CHUCKLES)
- I'm gonna look around.
- Okay.
Excuse me. Sorry, D.J.
Edibles? We have mellow-high,
giggly-high, horny-high,
and completely f*cked-up.
Oh.
I will take the completely f*cked-up.
All right.
- All right, enjoy.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
- (PEOPLE LAUGHING)
Was it St. Bart's?
I will never fly commercial ever again.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
- So gross!
Like, the smell. I will
never forget the smell.
It was so bad!
- It's like a bus with mules.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
I know!
(ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)
(ALL LAUGHING, SHOUTING)
- (MOANS, PANTS)
- Come on.
- Come on, bitch.
- (GIGGLES)
Yeah.
- (ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS)
- (MUSIC THUMPING)
Excuse me. Have a good night.
(MUFFLED) This is amazing.
Mmm, the crunch!
It's a crunch expl*si*n in my mouth.
Won't you accept this rose, please?
- Diane.
- (GASPS) Frances!
You are not gonna believe
what just happened.
I just got my friend Brett
here to loan us a Pelts.
- What?
- From his collection, for the gallery,
- to help put us on the map!
- That's so generous.
My pleasure.
Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure.
- She will be right back.
What?
I'm sorry, but we... we can't take that.
- What?!
- No.
Frances, this is exactly what we wanted!
To take the gallery to the next level.
Yes, but I was hoping that would happen
by showing what I like,
not what other people like.
But, Frances, no one is gonna
come if they don't know we exist!
- Do you understand?
- I know you mean well, I really do.
But... but we're not actually partners.
You loaned me money,
which I appreciate so much.
But I'm... I'm not looking
for a partnership right now.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, I always imagined...
the gallery was just mine.
This really hurts my feelings.
I just got someone to loan
us a $2 million sculpture.
- No, I know.
- I'm good at things,
and I'm tired of people not seeing that.
Diane, you are good at things.
And so am I.
Okay, I gotta go.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(BUZZER BUZZING)
- (DOOR OPENS)
- (BUZZING RESUMES)
Oh! Hi!
Hi!
(PANTING)
It's 1:00 in the morning.
Yeah, yeah, no, I know that.
I know that.
I am going to have to
insist that you let me in
and show me your work.
I have a feeling about you, Sylvia.
That's just the way it is.
Okay?
I don't want to scare you,
but I might just have to stay
here till you let me in.
(EXHALES)
They're gorgeous.
And unfinished?
I keep painting them,
and then every day, I keep
realizing they're sh*t.
Okay, you should go now.
No, wait, wait, wait,
I just wanna understand.
So at some point,
you finished your paintings.
I was represented by a gallery,
then I stopped selling,
then the bougie-ass gallery dropped me.
And so you don't
finish anything anymore?
f*ck the galleries!
f*ck the art world!
What, you think that those people
know something that you don't?
I am here to tell you, unequivocally,
that they do not.
They just fake it better.
They're just... they just fake it.
- You really should go now.
- Finish a painting for both of us.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
- Well, good morning!
- Good morning.
Ugh, good morning.
I'm so sorry I didn't make
it into bed last night.
We had such a crazy night.
Did you miss me terribly?
I hadn't even noticed.
(SLURPS)
She's a real ballbuster, this one,
let me tell you, Nick.
Walking around my house,
with her condescending nose
sticking up in the air.
It's really annoying.
Granted, she did seem to know
her way around home renovation,
which is not not hot.
Realtors in general,
very attractive industry.
There's no way I'm gonna sell
my house for that price.
Even though the chiropractors
pretty much told me
I'm done in the physical labor arena.
But, still, at that price, no way, Nick!
Good for you, Robert.
Listen,
if you need money...
No! Absolutely not!
Thank you, but no.
That's not what this is about.
It's about two guys
sitting around complaining,
one of them bitching about his bad back
while watching another guy
build the professional-grade pizza oven.
- Hector!
- Sí?
- Muchas gracias.
- Mm-hmm.
Muy bien.
(THUDDING)
Uh, excuse me?
Hi. What... what is that?
Oh, it's a delivery from Brett Morris.
Diane Clavowen gave us the alarm code.
It looks like sh*t.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Literally.
But it's a Pelts.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
So take a look around
and see what you think.
And just so you know, I'm not gonna
follow you around the house
like some serial k*ller.
I believe a good home sells itself.
Have a lobster roll.
- Hi! Lobster rolls in there.
- MAN: Thanks.
- WOMAN: Hi.
- Hey. Thank you.
So, I guess you're
surprised to see me here.
- Not really.
- What? Okay.
Um, well, look,
my circumstances
have changed a little bit.
- So I...
- Hi! Welcome.
- WOMAN: Hi.
- This is a very
lesbian-friendly neighborhood.
Go right in there, check
out the rest of the house.
Thank you. I'm sorry, what?
I have decided to accept
your crappy offer.
- Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
Even though that is in no way
an indication that I don't
stand by my quality work,
which is 10 times better
than this Ikea shitbox
you're selling here today.
All the cabinetry is from a
tiny mill in North Carolina.
I have the paperwork
if you'd like to see it.
- Uh-huh.
- Mm-hmm.
I poured my heart and soul
into that house.
- (SCOFFS)
- And I wish I could tell you
to shove your crappy offer.
But I can't do that because I'm having
a situation in my lower lumbar region
that requires an influx
of fresh capital.
Would you calm down?
I'm trying to do business here!
Is it the business of crapping
all over a man's hard work?
Shh! I was lowballing you!
Oh.
What about my island?
Oh, it's perfect.
Well, f*cking A it is.
I loved your house
the minute I walked in.
I know right away when I like something.
It has never failed me.
So what you're saying
is that you wanna
have sex with my house?
I'd blow it and see where that goes.
25K off the asking; that's it.
- 75 and we close.
- 50K and the house is yours.
Deal.
Deal.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
This is so exciting.
To have an Eliot Pelts in Hastings.
- Yes, shocking, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
(GASPS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Excuse me?
- FRANCES: Mm-hmm?
- How much is this piece?
- Which one?
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
Oh.
I haven't decided
if I'm selling that yet.
It's beautiful.
- I just love it.
- Me, too.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
And, um, thanks for your interest.
(SIGHS) I think I met someone.
Really?
Tell me about him.