06x03 - Baseball

[bunniefuu]

The Chicago White Sox

are in the middle of a winning season.

I will compromise
everything for some cash.

This is a bad sign. I'm
already using two hands.

Moses Fleetwood Walker was like,

I'm about to be the first
black dude to ever play

in major league baseball.
This ain't a movie.

This is real life.

Marge and Helen Callaghan

are f*cking knocking this
sh*t out of the park.

What's up m*therf*cker?

This is harder now than it was earlier.

Nobody should play baseball
when they're drunk.

We're not playing baseball.
We're playing catch.

Yeah, I know, but...

Gloves don't catch.

- That's a great point.
- Yeah, thanks.

You're a piece of sh*t.

Batter up.

Mm-hmm.

Hello, I am Katie Nolan,

and this is the story of the Blackhawks.

Blackhawks?

You wanna do "Black Hawk Down"?

- Maybe.
- I feel, like, we should do...

Should we do the baseball thing instead,

and then maybe next time

- we'll do "Black Hawk Down."
- Yeah, f*ck that, yeah.

God bless Josh Hartnett though.

Hello, I'm Katie Nolan,

and this is the Black Sox scandal.

Our story begins in 1919,

exactly 100 years ago.

The Chicago White Sox

are in the middle of a winning season.

They're owner, Charles Comiskey,

is a piece of sh*t.

He's making a bunch of money.

He hasn't even paid for their
laundering of their uniforms.

The players are like, this is bullshit.

We're playing good baseball,

and we should be paid more money

because we're people
and we have families.

So the... the players are
being f*cked by ownership,

and they were pissed.

So Chick Gandil, first baseman,

he's like, look, I'm towards
the end of my career.

I want to make a bunch of money,

and I can't make a bunch of money

because I'm not getting paid it.

So Arnold Rothstein,
who was a mob dude...

Arnold Rothstein approaches
him and he says,

Hey, kid,

I want to make money.
You want to make money.

You play games for a living.

I will pay you moneys

and you will throw the World Series.

And he's like, that's it?

That's so easy. I can lose.

And so Rothstein said,

look, I'm glad you're on the team,

but one person is not enough
to throw a baseball game.

We're gonna need a lot of other people.

Maybe, like, eight people?

So he called a meeting

with a bunch of players on the team.

Now, that included Eddie Cicotte,

Lefty Williams, and then
Shoeless Joe Jackson.

And so Chick Gandil, he's like,

look, everybody, I met this dude.

He will give us $100,000

if we lose the World Series.

And a lot of them were like,

uh, what? I love baseball.

All I've ever done is devoted
my life to baseball.

And Chick's like, yeah, no, I get it,

but we can make more money losing

than we will earn notoriety winning.

So... the guys like,

I will compromise
everything for some cash.

So the players leave that meeting,

and they recruited a bunch
of dudes within the team.

So they have eight people.

I wanna bring the Mic down to my face.

We get to the point where
they get to the World Series.

Chicago White Sox
versus Cincinnati Reds.

Game one, best of nine.

The White Sox, heavily favored,

and Eddie Cicotte takes the mound.

So the signal between

the players and the gambling guy

was that Eddie would hit
the very first batter.

He winds up, he throws his first pitch,

and it's a perfect strike.

He throws it right down the middle,

and everyone's like,
wait, what the f*ck?

I thought we were gonna throw the game.

Second pitch, winds up, throws it.

Thunk. Hits the batter,

and so everybody knows, oh, it's on.

So the game goes on and on and on.

Eddie throws terrible pitches.

They lose 9-1.

Holy sh*t.

Papers come out the next day, Derek.

And they're like,

what?

But we got to go on to game two.

Throughout the series, they keep losing.

Whoopsies, I should have
probably caught that.

And then they were like,

oh, I wish I could throw
that to the plate,

but I can only throw it to the pitcher.

Oh, a line drive.

Whoopsies.

And Chick Gandil was like,

I'm gonna get this.
I got it. I got it. I got it.

And he waved everybody off,

and then instead he just didn't got it.

I'm getting too drunk to
be able to maintain...

You're okay. We're just
gonna finish that story.

So the series is 4-1.

Lefty Williams says,

hey, we have not received any payments.

We're not gonna keep throwing
our legacy for nothing.

Let's go up it... on the baseball field.

Let's come from behind

and win this World Series!

Yeah!

So for the next few games
they're, like, trying.

They're winning, then the night before

the eighth game of the series

Arnold Rothstein and his associates

visited Lefty Williams
in his hotel room.

Rothstein says,

if by the first inning

it isn't obvious we're gonna lose,

I'll m*rder your wife.

And Lefty Williams was like, I'm shook.

So game eight, Lefty goes out,

he's the starting pitcher, and he sucks.

Real bad. Like, on purpose bad,

and they end up losing 10 to 5,

and that's it. The World Series is over

and Cincinnati has won.

People were shocked,

and then there started
to be these rumors.

People are like, uh...

it felt fixed.

And the press labels the
White Sox the Black Sox.

Why?

It's black mark.

It's bad.

Forever.

So there's a grand jury investigation,

and Eddie Cicotte and Shoeless Joe

both break down in front
of the grand jury.

And he said, yup, I did it.

I have no family.

I didn't make enough money.

Is your hand okay when you did that?

Ow, don't do that.

Hey, hey, hey.

Shoeless Joe was like,

I am Shoeless Joe Jackson

and I'm not wearing any shoes!

This is what led to the very
first commissioner of baseball.

He had the most first name ever.

Kenesaw Mountain Landis.

He comes out and he's like,

we won't stand for no cheaters,

and so all those eight men

involved in the Black Sox scandal,

banned from baseball for life.

And so now there's no more cheaters left

in major league baseball,

except all the cheaters
that existed after that.

I have no shoes on.

Boop.

Do you get it?

It's black socks.

All right, let's do a
little cheers to baseball.

Moses Fleetwood Walker.

Let's do it.

- Hoo, boy.
- Oh, yeah.

It's a good feeling, right?

- When you're insides...
- You seen this sh*t?

Oh, that swish, swish, bish, sh*t?

I can't... I can do a couple.

Ow!

I hit myself in the back,
and then also hit the wall.

Oh, sh*t. Big man got moves.

I can't do it. I'm sweating.

Yeah, I'm hot as hell.

Hello,

I'm Carl Tart, and we're
about to talk about

the first black player

to integrate major league baseball.

Oh, Jackie Robinson.

No,

Moses Fleetwood Walker.

It's 1882.

Moses Fleetwood Walker

is a student at Oberlin College,

and he's like, I'm studying law.

I'm reading all these
books. This is wrong.

This is good. This is
bad. This is hell yeah.

This is hell no,

but something's tearing at my heart.

I gotta play baseball.

I'm leaving college to do this,

so it better be a good idea.

So he dips. He joins
the minor league team

Toledo Blue Stockings.

So Fleet is playing catcher,

but, at this point,

catchers weren't playing with mitts.

He's playing with his bare hands.

That sh*t is some extra sh*t.

He's k*lling it, though.

So it's May 1st, 1884,

and it's opening day.

The Toledo Blue Stockings get
invited to the newly formed

American League. They were like,

congratulations, white dudes and Moses,

welcome to major league baseball.

Moses is like,

I'm about to be the first black dude

to ever play in major league baseball.

This is what I wanted to do.

This is why left law... law...

law school and nobody
can tell me different.

I'm about to go out here
and swing these bats,

catch these balls, hit these balls,

swing these bats.

This is 1884. Think about this sh*t.

This is 17 years removed from sl*very.

Like, 17 years.

Like, sl*very can't drink yet.

sl*very can't fight in the w*r yet.

If you text sl*very a
picture of your meat,

you going to jail.

That's good. Let's move on.

So he's playing, but he's experiencing

all kind of racism on the road.

He's walking up to
hotels and they're like,

you can't sleep here.

Your team can sleep team,
but you can't sleep here.

And he's like, what,

how can I not sleep here?

Like, he's sleeping on park benches

as a major league baseball player.

Fans were terrible. They're like,

hold up, we didn't come to see

no black people on this field.

We came to see our thoroughbred whites.

And then they get to Richmond, Virginia.

The manager of the Toledo Blue Stockings

gets a letter, and so he
runs to Fleet's room,

which Fleet's room is the
park bench across the street.

And he gets over there,

he kicks the bench a couple times,

shakes him, Fleet, wake up, Fleet.

What?

He goes, man, you can't
play the game tomorrow.

I just got a letter.

75 dudes are gonna be outside
waiting to b*at your ass.

You got to not play tomorrow.

Moses was like, I ain't taking no risks.

If it is flake, I ain't... I ain't...

Fake. Flake.

If it is frosted flakes.

Oh, my God.

Now I'm drunk, and this is
supposed to be your show.

- Yeah.
- Get it.

So he doesn't play that game.

He just sits out.

So then they go to play against

the Chicago White Stockings.

Their manager, his name is Cap Anson,

and Cap Anson is like,
y'all jersey's is clean,

and his jersey's clean too,
but his face is black.

I'm not playing with him.

And so manager from the
Blue Stockings Toledo

goes over to Cap and is like,
yo, Cap, we have to play.

Either you gonna take this L,

or we gonna play.

And Cap was like,

I don't want to lose. All right, fine.

I'll play against black dude this time,

but I'll be back.

And so manager of the Blue Stockings

goes back over to Fleet

and he's like, Fleet, I
know you're resting today,

but you gotta play.

He's like, what? Look at my hands.

My hands is the size
of a doughnut factory.

And he's like,

you need to play because they said

they weren't gonna play
you because you're black.

He's like, what? Hold up.

Well, I'm about to play today.

They must have thought wrong,

because I'm about to be
on that field today.

My name is Fleet and I'm
about to be on my feet

and bending my knees
because I'm a catcher.

So...

oh, sh*t.

- We got it. We good.
- All right, we do it.

So to make things worse

he's got a pitcher named Tony Mullane.

He's like, I'm not even
pitching real to this dude.

I'm pitching what I want to pitch.

Fleet calls slider, he throws a curve.

Fleet calls curve, he
throws a knuckle slide,

but Fleet was so good

that he had the media on his nuts.

"The Toledo Blade" was like,

Fleet is the most valuable
player at catcher, at bat,

than any other player.

This is crazy that they're
saying this about a black dude

who's playing in major league baseball.

We shouldn't have no black
people on this team.

I don't want to play with them.

Mullane has the chance there
to be the white savior

from every movie about race...

Yeah, the white savior,
but this ain't a movie.

This is real life.

So it's... it's 1987.

No, it's not.

It's 1887 and once again
he gets to Chicago

and his old friend there
is waiting to greet him.

And Cap was like, well, now I got

a whole group of people
who don't f*ck with you.

And they kick him out of the game.

Major league baseball said,

black people ain't gonna
play in this sh*t

for a long-ass time.

So after that he's like,

this racism sh*t is too hard.

I'm going back to studying
and inventing sh*t.

So, basically, when Fleet left the game

that ban lasted for 63 years

until Jackie Robinson
gets put in the pros.

What would you say the
moral of this story is?

If you think got a hero,

research that hero,

and know who came before that hero

and paved the way for that hero.

That was all great.

Can we just do it one more
time with your eyes open?

Did you play baseball growing up?

No, not at all. I did
track and field sprints.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Sprints, hurdles, for a little bit,

but I would leap over them.

You have to really, like,
whip your leg back.

What is the kick?

You have to like...

One leg out first, whip down.

Ow!

Ow.

Tonight...

Ai, my name is Anais Fairweather,

and tonight I'm gonna
tell you the story,

the true story behind "A
League of Their Own."

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

We start our story with
Marge and Helen Callaghan,

two sisters growing up
in Vancouver, Canada.

These two women are natural athletes.

They're so f*ck sick and tight,

and they're like,

yeah, we joined a fast-pitch
softball league together.

Okay, so now we're gonna fast
forward a little bit to 1942.

We're in the midst of World w*r 2,

and the draft is going on full force.

Now this f*cking guy, the
commissioner of the MLB,

Kenesaw Mountain Landis.

I hate saying that name.

He's like,

I'm the número uno commissioner

of major league and
minor league baseball,

and while I'm calling the sh*ts,

everyone's being f*cking
drafted into World w*r 2.

So he's like, okay, I'll
put my big boy pants on.

I'ma figure this out.

He calls Philip K. Wrigley.

Philip K. Wrigley is, like,
chomp, chomp, hello?

And Kenesaw Mountain Landis is like,

oh, my man, 3,000 minor league players,

major league players are gone to w*r.

So Philip K. Wrigley's like,

okay, I've got an idea for you.

We are gonna capitalize

on the popularity of women softball.

Badass women.

And it's, like, the '40s, right?

That's... that's a
crazy time to do this.

So Philip K. Wrigley and
his buddy, Ken Sells,

go out scouting all
throughout the Midwest.

And lo and behold, who did they run into

but Helen and Marge Callaghan.

What are they doing there?

They are playing fast-pitch softball,

and Helen and Marge are like,

uh, we are dominating this field.

Philip and Ken run out to this.

They run out to the
field and they're like,

you, the both of you, we need you both.

You got to be on our f*cking team.

And they sign on the
dotted line at $75 a week.

So they're both on the
Minneapolis Marionettes.

No, Millerettes.

So Marge and Helen are like,

we're on this team,
this is f*cking tight.

They're playing doubleheaders,

in, like, 115 degree weather,

and Philip K. Wrigley's like,

I know how to sell a product,

and I need these women
to look like women.

These chaperons are like,
I am going to make sure

that their hair is curled,
their lipstick is on,

their makeup is fully done,

their skirts are ironed

before they head out onto the field.

People are full to watch these women

in these adorable dresses

play f*cking baseball like men.

And Marge Callaghan, Helen Callaghan,

are f*cking knocking this
sh*t outta the park.

Women are stealing bases.

They're like, what's up, m*therf*cker?

I don't know why that's
funny, but it's funny.

Now, Philip K. Wrigley looks
at this and he's like,

these aren't women playing baseball.

These are f*cking baseball players.

f*ck yeah, dude!

It's so badass, right?

This is my seventh inning stretch.

This is mine.

All right, let's play ball.

Yeah, okay.

So 1945 comes, right? And
World w*r 2 is ending.

Joe DiMaggio, Ted Williams,

the major, minor league
players come back

and they're like, hi, everybody, yeah,

we've been at f*cking
w*r. It's terrible.

We're ready to hit some balls.

So they... they... and
it ends up fizzling out.

30 years passes,

and this story is forgotten until 1985.

There was a reunion,
Helen Callan-delays.

This is harder now than it was earlier.

But you're still doing it.

Kelly hand-delay, Helen's
oldest son, was like,

I'm gonna f*cking record this sh*t.

He whips his out his camcorder,

and all these old ladies
are f*cking playing ball

like they did back in the f*cking '40s.

Kelly Candaele creates

"A League of Their Own" documentary.

it's a huge f*cking deal.

f*cking Penny Marshall
sees this documentary.

She's like, what the f*ck?

I didn't know this sh*t
existed in history.

Oh, maybe I should make a
movie about this story

because it's important
for women of all ages.

And if it wasn't for "A
League of Their Own,"

nobody would have ever known

that women can throw a
ball like the f*cking men.

What you got?

I got a couple slushies.

Ready?

Lemon's up.

Hear that call.

Oh!

God, that smashed in my mouth.

It tasted good.