06x14 - Behind Enemy Lines

[bunniefuu]

Okay, Marina Raskova,

she starts an all-female squadron

the Night Witches,
who are like "Let's fight 'em."

These ladies are the
first women in combat ever.

Nostrovia!

It's the Civil w*r.

We are going to hijack
a Confederate train.

Oh, here we go, we
are going to catch them.

Yeah, I realized halfway
through that that I didn't even

know why I was talking.

- Do you want me to launch it?
- Yeah.

Holy sh*t.

Oh sh*t.

- That plane... that plane is gone.
- So quickly.

But it looked majestic.

Hello.

Hi there.
Hi.

I'm Jess McKenna and we are
going to be talking about

- the Night Witches.
- Cheers.

Cheers.

Let's do it.

Okay, it's 1941.

World w*r II is a goin'.

It's back, it's better than
ever, it's bigger than ever,

it's worse than ever.

The Soviet Union was taking like
really big losses because the

Nazis are already bang-bang-
banging on the Eastern front.

Enter Marina Raskova.

And she's like,
"Hello, I'm Marina Raskova.

I'm going to fly in the Soviet
Union or I'm not going to fly.

I'm going to be a navigator."

So Marina is like,
"Hey, here's where you go,

here's where you turn, here's
how you fly, blah blah."

She's sort of the Amelia
Earhart of the Soviet Union.

So ladies start writing her
letters and they are like,

"Marina, we love you.

We love what you stand for and
also we want to be you."

Because they are losing their
dads, their stepdads,

their fathers, their brothers.

Anyone with a penis has
to go fight, no women.

They are like want to be a part
of the solution and they can't.

And she's like, "I'm already in
here. I already got a foot in

the door. Let me like
let a bunch of more

women in so that we can
help the w*r effort."

So she goes to Joseph
Stalin who is a bad guy.

Like, he's a straight-up
bad guy. He's a dictator.

Like, I don't want to like not
talk about how he's a dictator

but in this scenario he's a good
guy for like one second.

So Marina's like, "Stalin,
will you do me a solid and let

me start an all-female
unit of the Air Force?

How about that?"

And Stalin's like, "Hmm, the Red
Army is not doing good so, yeah,

I'm going to use this untapped
resource of ladies."

So hold for plane.

Look out.

Holding for this plane.
Planes planes planes,

they are part of the
narrative of this story.

Planes planes planes,
everybody is in a plane.

Okay, Stalin's like, "You can
form some all-female units."

She gets 2000 applicants.

So Marina's like, "Okay, we
got amazing women but we got

two who are just like, hey,
you're friggin' standouts, okay."

We got Tamara, she's like,

"Hey, I'm Tamara Pamya...
Pamyatnyk."

Oh, dang it.

I'm pretty drunk.
It's so hard.

And I feel so bad because
like it's not hard.

Okay, "Tamara Pamyatnykh,

that's my name and
that's how you say it. "

And then we got Raisa
Sur-na-chevskaya.

Okay, so Marina, she's like,

"Hello, welcome to the
Engels School of Aviation.

Okay, and also, now normally
what takes like a dude

several years you are going
to do in a couple months."

And they're like,
"Alright, that's okay."

And then if that wasn't enough,
because that would definitely be

enough, that would definitely be
enough to be like, holy sh*t,

this is like a cool-ass story,
their planes are sh*t.

Their planes are sh*t.
Their planes are sh*t.

Okay, so their planes are

from the 1920s and they're crop dusters.

They are made of like basically
like plywood and canvas.

They have no cockpit protection.

People are like,
"Are we going to be okay?"

And they are just like,
"We'll do it anyway.

We got this because we care."

And because they are so...

these planes are so shitty
they can't have no extra weight.

That actually means things that
you'd think like, oh,

- I definitely need like radar, radio, parachute...
- Too heavy.

Parachute?
How is that too heavy?

I don't know.

Instead they have to do all
their flying using like

old-school compasses and
flashlights and pencils and rulers

and flashlights and just like
a grab bag of second-grade,

you know, school supplies.

I'm really starting to feel it
all now. Hey.

Hey, everyone.

Okay, so...

Okay, so Marina, she's like,

"Okay, ladies, you're
going to fly a bunch of missions

a night and it's going
to be stealth mode.

That's the only way to do it."
So because they can't carry

weight, they can only
carry two bombs at a time,

one under each wing.
So they fly in and they b*mb

these two bombs and then they fly back.

Safety, not safe, safety,

Nazis, definitely not safe.

And they do that like 18 times
a night and because of their

weight restrictions they
have to fly really low.

And when they get to like where
they're going to drop a b*mb

they put their plane into
idle and then whoosh in

and drop their bombs.

The Nazis call them
"the Nachthexen."

- Not Texans.
- No, they are not Texans!

They are Nachthexens,
which is Night Witches.

Look it up in a book.
I didn't make it up.

Okay, so the Nazis were so
afraid of these ladies

you automatically get the highest
award in the n*zi army...

you automatically get the Iron
Cross if they sh*t one down.

Oh, also, they can return fire,
so in modern warfare these

ladies are the first
women in combat ever.

Hold for plane.

Hey, plane!

Stay tuned for more
Drunk History...

Behind Enemy Lines.

- Oh.
- Oh, cheers.

Nostrovia!

Okay, so, let's cut to 1943.
Tamara and Raisa,

they are just scoping
out train tracks, real

low-level like scout sh*t.

- All of a sudden they are surrounded by
- 42 n*zi bombers!

- What?
- 42 n*zi bombers.

And they are like, "Oh my gosh
there are Nazis everywhere.

Everywhere I looked there are Nazis.

I can't turn around
without seeing a n*zi."

So they are like,
"Okay, this is the deal."

In a crazy twist of events going
slow actually is the way to go.

Because even at their maximum

speed, Tamara and Raisa are like...

But the Nazis are like...
pew-pew-pew-pew.

The Nazis literally cannot go
slow enough to get them.

If they try to go as slow as their
plane they fall out of the sky.

That's how aerodynamics works.

So they are sh**ting at them.

So they have like taken out
a few Germans and it is working.

"Becept" Tamara is like,
"I'm out of a*mo.

I'm going to just ram my plane.

I got to take them down.
I got to do it."

And Raisa's like, "I would do it
too but I'm pregnant.

I'm four months pregnant.
I got to chill out."

- Whoa.
- Yeah, it's crazy.

So Tamara gets close up where

she can see the fear
in the n*zi guy's eyes.

The n*zi guys like,
"What is this?

I'm about to die."
That's a really good n*zi accent.

And she's like right there but
she gets gunned down.

But for some reason, some miracle,

she had a parachute that day.

And she like flutters down in
this Russian village.

So Tamara went back to
base and she went back up.

Tamara and Raisa are like,
"Let's fight them."

And the Nazis flipping retreat.
It's freaking huge.

And they... they like achieve
what we could never imagine.

All told they flew 30,000 missions,

dropped like 23,000 tons of bombs.

So the Soviet Union is like,

"Here is this award
for the highest honour,

the Order of the Red Star
in the Soviet Union m*llitary.

You did it. We give it to
you because you are so great."

They are like the most highly

decorated unit in all of Soviet
Union m*llitary history.

And the woman who started it all,
Marina Raskova, she was

sent to the front lines in 1943
and she d*ed in battle and she

received the first state
funeral of World w*r II.

And her ashes are still in the Kremlin.

So even though they are our frenemies

sometimes the Russians do cool sh*t.

These women did so much.

I play puzzles all day
and look at Twitter.

- Cheers to you.
- Cheers.

- Ooh.
- Right here we are playing DRUNK.

We are playing DRUNK
instead of HORSE.

- You got...
- You should also know I'm a terrible at

basketball so I sh**t it like
a soccer throw-in.

You have to use one
hand to sh**t it. Okay?

Sounds Good.
I'll take the N now.

Oh sh*t.
Have you ever been called

surprisingly athletic before?

- No.
- Alright.

Hi. I'm Jon Gabrus
and thank you for

talking to me about
Andrew's Rangers.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

So it's the Civil w*r.

A Union General Ormsby Mitchel
pulls aside

this scout/smuggler and says,

"Bro, I'm about to att*ck
Huntsville, Alabama."

I need you to cut off
backup supplies.

So James J. Andrews, he says,

"Hey, I'll do this.
I'm a smuggler.

All right, g*ng, here's what I need.

I need 22 vol..."
Volumeers.

"22 volunteers, we're going
behind enemy lines.

We are going to hijack a
Confederate train and smash

up the tracks and cut
telegraph wires and prevent

any backup from getting
to where the battles are.

I want three people who
know how to use a train.

I'm already ready to burp and sh*t."

And he burped.

Excuse me.

Andrews grabs his crew of
like 22 dudes and he's like,

"We have to get there by
April 11th though because

that's when the att*ck is
happening on Huntsville.

Also, no tools. Nothing that
makes us stand out. Let's ride."

So, Andrews raiders are
travelling hundreds of miles

through the southern territory

when they get to Marietta, Georgia.

And Andrews is like "Let's just
get on this train, act like civilians."

And so they get on what Buster
Keaton would eventually

title The Great Locomotive Chase.

- I thought it was called The General.
- You're right.

Andrews is like
"Welcome to The General."

Oh, a...
That's pretty exciting.

They get to the first stop.

William Fuller, the conductor of
The General is like "All right,

ladies and gentlemen,
here we are at Big Shanty.

Let's all grab some breakfast
and lunch.

One of the raiders, let's say

raider number nine is going
"surprise-surprise."

A town called Big Shanty
doesn't have a telegraph.

So they knew they would have a little
bit of time ahead of the Confederates.

Andrews turns to his guys,
"All right, Fuller's eating

eggs Benny. Guys, let's
get on a couple of trains

and let's get the F out of here."

And they are off.

That's like the perfect movie
situation where the bad guy goes

"I say... I say...
I say... I say... boy!

I think our train's been stolen."

Fuller is literally T-1000 after
them on foot.

And they jump on handcart, let's go.

Pump it.
Up, down, up, down, up, down.

- Left, right...
- Left, right, A, B.

Select start.
30 lives, Contra.

It's...

So Andrews and his boys, they
get to the next town, they get

to Moon Station and they go,
"Hey, Moon Station railroad

workers, we are just normal
railroad workers.

Can we borrow a tool of any sort?"

They get a pry bar at this moment.

The get the toolest chunks to pry bar,

I don't know the back
half of that.

Analogy ready but... you can follow it.

These guys are using pry bar,

the one tool they have for
a lot of good.

They're ripping up the truck
behind them, bring the wood

on board with them so they can
later throw that on as traps.

And they are powering North.

Hit me with the whistle.

These guys are on as stolen
train but because they

want to be inconspicuate-

You know, because they wanted to be

inconspicuous, they
can't arouse any suspicion.

So they are playing it cool.
They're acting natural.

We are at normal locomotive.

That was just me turning out.

To do some light
demolition work, you know,

knocking out some
telegraphs, and they

pass a train called The Yonah
which isn't moving

currently and they should
maybe do something to it.

But at this point they're
more concerned with

getting caught than
with doing anything else.

So they just leave it be which may

prove to be detrimental to their plan.

So Fuller and his boys are
chasing and they're

pumping away and they're
pumping all the way and

of course they see the Yonah,
so Fuller and his boys

are running and just screaming
"This is amazing!

We don't have to pump anymore!
We don't have to pump anymore!"

And I mean, I'm sure that's the
conversation. I don't know.

I've never been on a train in which

I was imperative to the train moving.

Wow.

What the f... was I saying?

Oh! So, Fuller and his boys
started coming up

and they're like "Oh, sh*t!
You've got to be kidding me!

A traffic jam!"
They see another train called

The Smith ahead of the traffic
block, and they sprint

ahead to the track... To The Smith.

They get on The Smith and
they're like, "Yes, dude!

Now we're on The Smith.
Now we're cruising!"

So the General is powering
through but The Smith is getting

closer so Andrews, they're...
they're pow...

Now they're getting a
little scared because they can

- hear the whistle of The Smith.
- A whistle?

Uh, yeah, they can hear the whistle
of The Smith which sounds like...

It's super low and just
kind of quick. Do a little.

So, uh, The General keeps
powering through.

Another train's going the
other way, The Texas.

They find themselves in a situation
where they're like, let The Texas pass.

The Texas goes the other way.

So...
Smith's on the tracks.

Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

So Fuller and his boys see
that the tracks ahead of them

are smashed and they
pull the brakes to halt.

So they jump into their third train

but their fifth mode of
transportation.

They jump into a train
called The Texas.

Pro: very fast train.

Con: facing the other way
on the tracks.

I mean...
I just too said I mean.

Are you familiar with
George Clooney's Casamigos?

- Yeah.
- Hey, su casa es mi casa, Clooney.

I'm hammered.

This is all imperative to
the sh**t, trust me.

And we're finished one bottle

of tequila, minus one
sh*t to our host Derek.

Oh. Awesome.

This is a terrible idea.

So here we are, the third act
of our climactic action sequence.

We're in the heart of it all
yet didn't make like...

were talking
about like train cars coming

from the north. But we're
having the most beautiful

train rides, the most
beautiful... and here we are,

having a f*cking train ride.

I realized halfway through
that that I didn't even know

why I was talking about that.

Now I know I'm drunk
because I'm incorrect.

- You're doing so good, buddy.
- Uh... Here we are.

Sorry.

So Fuller and his boys are
going, "Oh, here we go.

We're gonna catch 'em."

The General sees that they're
getting caught up on.

So Andrews start throwing
out ideas.

He's like, "Bro, we gotta
do something.

Let's uh... uncouple
a couple of our boxcars.

Release the train cars."

And everyone's going,
"Good plan, boss."

So they pull the little thing...

Jesus Christ.
It's going to be a long night.

Um, so they release a few train
cars to just fall behind them

and The Texas is able to, since
they're driving backwards,

just add those train cars
to its path.

And here's where it gets really
crazy; The General starts...

as much as I'm running out
of steam telling this story,

The General actually runs out of steam

and they need to add power.

They're running out of coal.
They can't keep the fire...

you know they're all
putting stuff in the back.

They start burning papers, hats.

They throw Andrews' saddlebags
in, they throw everything,

and it's not enough.

The train runs out of gas. So...

Andrew and his Raiders is like,

"Boys, this is the end of the
ride, 87 miles in."

So our boys get caught and
they are court-martialed.

Andrews is that the gallows,
noose around his neck going,

"Well, that plan backfired.
I guess I'm getting hung now."

Andrews and seven of his
compatriots are hung.

Six Raiders go back to the
Union Army on a prisoner exchange.

Joseph M. Holt, the Advocate General

of the U.S. Army says to these guys,
"I'm going to give you guys

the first-ever medal of honour."

I love this story.

I wish more people knew
how crazy the Civil w*r was,

besides how
crazy the Civil w*r was.

Yeah, no, I get it.
I'm not standing on a f*cking

lone island saying that
the Civil w*r was nuts,

but the Civil w*r is nuts,
if you consider all the sh*t

we've dealt with
and all the sh*t we're gonna deal with.