02x22 - Ken's Big Audition

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "Dr. Ken". Aired: October 2015 - March 2017.
"Dr. Ken" chronicles the daily life of a brilliant physician who tries to balance his career with his family life, which can be difficult on both fronts, especially with having a therapist for a wife.
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02x22 - Ken's Big Audition

Post by bunniefuu »

I got in. I got in!


You know how to use a swinging door.

No, I got accepted to Stanford!

Whoo! [Laughs]

I'm so proud of you.

Molly, you worked so hard
for this your whole life.

I can't believe this is
actually gonna happen.

I know, me neither.

I also have some big news.

I got accepted into
Coffee Bean's VIP program.

Grandpa, can you get me a free latte?


[Telephone rings]

Random number at dinner?

Probably a telemarketer.


- Hi, is this Ken Park?
- Ken: Maybe.

Uh, well, this is Dan
Harmon. I'm a TV producer.

I was hoping to have
Ken audition for a role

on my new show, but if
this isn't his number...

Oh, no, no. No, no. This is he.

Yeah, I'm casting a
one-episode role for a part

on a show set at a community college.

Do you think you could make it
to audition tomorrow at : ?

Sure. Ye... I can make that work.

Yeah, I just have to move
a few things around and...

I don't care.

How did you find me anyway?

Oh, my assistant Steve saw you

do open mic at the Laugh Factory.

He says you're funny, but he also says

he's valuable, so grain of salt.

Plus, the network keeps
nagging me about diversity,

so I thought I'd [mumbles]

Well, that's perfect because I'm Asian.

- Wait, well, I never said that.
- Oh, it's okay.

I'm a super-talented person
who happens to be Asian.

Yeah, I'm a super-busy person
who happens to be hanging up.

Well, it's the day of realized dreams.

Thanks, Dad, I...

I'm auditioning for a TV show!

[Chuckles] Hello.


There's the newlywed.

- How was the honeymoon?
- Amazing.

Thank you guys so much
for the trip to Catalina.

We snorkeled. We hiked.

We saw a buffalo being born.

- Ah.
- Ah.

Now there's a bucket-list moment.

I've always wanted to hike.

Hey, does anyone know a good florist?

I want to send flowers to my husband.

You know, back when Connor
and I were first married...

- You mean Saturday?
- I wouldn't have thought of it,

but now I know that a
little gift for no reason

can go a long way.

I'm so happy!

[Laughing] Good for you, Clarky.

Oh, my God. You guys should get married.

What?! That's insane!

Stand down, Clark, and park
your married high horse outside.

You'll come around.

Hey, you want to see a picture
of a buffalo being born?

I've seen that. Show me hiking.

Oh, would you look at that.

Can I help you?

Was it something you ate?

What are you doing?

Okay, promise to keep this a secret.

I have a big audition this afternoon.

Oh, my God, that's so great.

What's it for?

A five-line part on a new TV show.


So not like a big audition.

I am perfect for it.

I play a school nurse
who gets k*lled by a bus.

Why are you practicing in secret?

Oh, I just don't want Pat to know

because I have to leave work early.

Plus, I don't want pity or
embarrassment if I don't get it,

but now that you know...

- Ooh.
- Here.

Read everything that's not Nurse One.

Ironic, but okay.

Can I help you?

[As a child] My tummy hurts.

What's with the baby voice?

Well, I'm just trying
to put some spin on it.

But it's a set-up line for
"Was it something you ate?"

That's my big joke in the scene.

Isn't the joke this
line about how a squirrel

stole your stethoscope?

No, Clark, that's a plot point.

[Knock on door]

What you two knuckleheads up to?

- Nothing.
- Nothing.

[Whispering] Get in here.

What, what, what?

Okay, but you can't tell Pat.

Please, keeping secrets
from your boyfriend

is part of the fun of
being in a relationship.

What we doing? What we doing?

Okay, I have an audition in an hour,

and I'm learning lines.

Oh, you know, what? Here.

You are now the student character

that some people have trouble grasping.

Warning... don't make
strong acting choices.

My tummy hurts.

Was it something you ate?

Oh, Lord, you're gonna do it like that?

That's what makes it a joke.

- I don't think so.
- Why are you fighting me on this?

That's the next line, dummy!

[Indistinct shouting, knock on door]

Hey. Hey, hey, Pat.

Um, we were just helping Ken
practice his bedside manner.

Yeah, you know, got to keep
those people skills sharp.

Ken, I'm glad you acknowledge your need

for vast improvement in that area.

Carry on.

See, that was fun. Thank you guys.

Look, I don't want Pat
thinking I'm not % committed

to medicine, because I
take it very seriously.

Now tell me if this is
the right facial expression

for getting h*t by a bus.

Anyone seen Dr. Park? The boy one?

There's some paperwork
for him to finish.

Um, you know what?

He went up to the roof 'cause he's...

testing a patient who
is allergic to birds.

Got to go. Bye.

Hmm. Hey, Clark.

- Yeah?
- Is it just me, or was Damona

particularly evasive just now?

[Sighs] Okay, look. Pat, Ken is...

Is she mad at me about
shutting down the idea

of us getting engaged so quickly?

Oh, that.

Yes, that is definitely it.

Ah, see, that's exactly
what I was afraid of.

I mean, I know you love being married.

Oh, it's like getting to have sleepovers

with your best friend for eternity!

Ah, Clark, your joy is exhausting.


Look, I went down the
marriage road once before

with Tiffany, and it was hard.


'Cause Tiffany was a monster.

Yeah. See, that's the thing.

She wasn't at first.

No, I was more in love with her

than I had ever been with anyone else.

Marriage somehow broke us.

I never fully got over it.

You know, the other
day she e-mailed me,

and I practically froze up.

Oh, my God. Did you e-mail her back?

No, I told you... I froze up!

I'm just worried that marriage would do

the same thing to me and Damona.

But Damona's not Tiffany.

I know that.

And I love Damona.

But... I think my desire
to take things slow

to protect her is not
sitting well with her.

You know, Pat, if I could
offer you some wisdom gleaned

from my union with Connor,
relationships are...

They're like a water bug on ice.

You skitter... Pat?

Hey, Mom.

Are you coming from work?

'Cause with that glow, I'd swear
you spent the day at the spa.

- You want something.
- What? Please.

Can't a kid hook his old
lady up with a compliment?

Okay, thanks.

But there is one thing.

When Molly leaves for
college, can I have her room?

No. Dave, I'm not even
talking about this right now.

I knew you didn't go to the spa.

- What are you doing?
- Measuring Molly's room.

- I'm taking it when she's gone.
- He can't!

It's eight steps closer to the bathroom,

and I've had too many close calls.

This isn't over, Grandpa!

She's not leaving for
another four months.

Pbht. [Chuckles]

[Voice breaking] She's
leaving in four months.


Hi, uh, Ken Park
auditioning for Nurse One.

Yeah. Hi, I'm Dan Harmon.

This is my assistant
Steve. This is Alison.

She's already been cast to the show,

so she'll be reading
the scene with you today.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.

Um, my wife's name is Allison,
so I'm very comfortable

with any level of intimacy.

Oh, this scene doesn't
really call for any intimacy.

Ah, we'll see.

Okay, creepy start.

Uh, just go when you're ready.

[Clears throat]

Can I help you?

[As a child] My tummy hurts.

[Laughs] I told you.

Was it something you ate?



Um, I don't think so.

Well, a squirrel ran
off with my stethoscope,

so we're going to have to do
this the old-fashioned way.

Okay, thank you.

I-I didn't finish.

You're welcome.


You know what? No.

I've waited my whole
life for this moment,

and I'm not gonna let a
medically reckless scene

that barely gives me
anything to showcase

my broad appeal take me down.

[Sternly] Can I help you?

My tummy hurts?

Was it something you ate?

I don't think so.

Look, lady, I've been the
school nurse here for years.

And I seen my fair share of tummy aches.

Usually, it's something
you ate on leftover day

in the cafeteria, but
today isn't leftover day,

Your Honor, is it? Is it?!

None of those lines are in here.

Then where does that leave us?

Ulcers? Gall stones?

A s*ab wound?


Yeah, I don't feel safe.

Look, a squirrel took my stethoscope!

Thank God I survived.

But luckily, I don't need a stethoscope

to diagnose why your tummy hurts.

Because, my dear girl,

you're pregnant.

Congratulations. You're going
to make an excellent mother.

And screen.

That was a closet door.

I liked him.

[Cellphone rings]

Hey, how'd it go?

Ken: Totally b*mb.

Oh, Ken, I'm sorry.

What a waste.

Who cares about stupid show biz anyway?

Oh, my God. Seth Rogen
and some random guy.

Uh, this guy actually
hand-picks my socks

every single morning.

I know what fits.

In this situation,
you're some random guy.

I'm sorry you married such a loser.

Are you kidding?! I'm so proud of you.

You worked hard. You
put yourself out there.

[Sighs] I love you so much, Ken.

No matter what happens,
I'll always be here for you.

Shut up. It's Dan.

Hey, Dan, I'm sorry about my audition.

Oh, God, you should be. It was horrible.

Um, but listen, as a writer,

I look for ways to
challenge the audience.

Sometimes punish them.

Um, let me bottle
your crazy and shake it

and spray it on America's
face and then run away laughing

as they claw at their eyes,

screaming, "Why? Why?
What did I just see?"

I want to put you on the show.

- Really?
- Really.

- Really?
- Really.

- Really?
- Okay, you don't have to show me

your whole range.

Steve, there's an actor on my shirt.



What are you watching?

"Alien vs. Predator."

It's so good.

Okay, what's really going on, Mom?


Look, I'm thrilled
you got in to Stanford,

but I've been dreading
this for years.

- [Chuckles]
- Aww, Mom.

You've become such
an amazing young woman

and a really close friend.

And I can't help but think if I'd done

a little worse job raising you

or let your dad do more,

maybe you wouldn't have

gotten into any schools

and you'd have to keep living with us.

Okay, the flight's only an hour,
and once I graduate, who knows?

These days, a lot of kids are
moving back home after college.

I won't even charge you a high rent.

Though, when you do return,

you might have trouble
getting your room back.

I'll sleep on the floor if it means

getting to spend time with you.

- I love you, Mom.
- [Voice breaking] I love you, too.

- Hey.
- Hey. What are these for?

Well, I was worried
you were upset with me

for shutting down the idea
of getting engaged so quickly.

No, no, no.

We just got to a good
place in our relationship.

We don't need to rush to the next step.

Yeah, well, then why have you
been so standoffish all day?

Oh. Ah, ugh.

Um, I was covering for Ken.

He had an audition today,

and he didn't want you to know about it.

Ah, so you weren't mad at me.

You were just being dishonest with me.

That is such a relief.


- Mm.
- You and me, we're good.

- Yeah.
- Okay?

I am going to go find a vase for these.

- Okay.
- Thank you.


Oh, Ken is in the basement with a pony.

It's okay, he knows about it.

So, are you upset with Ken?

You should know that he's
super-committed to medicine.

How can I be mad at a man
for setting aside his fears

and pursuing his dream?

Ken's not the only
one who could do that.

Hint, hint.

Damona, Damona.

You know, Clark?

Maybe the idea of me marrying
Damona isn't so crazy.

Despite how complicated
things got between me and...

- Tiffany?
- Hmm, there you go.

Not really sure why that last
part sounded like a question.



Wh-What are you doing here?

I e-mailed you, but I never heard back.

Are you still

I am so sorry how things
turned out with us.

But I've been doing
some real work on myself.

And I want to try again.

I want you back. I love you, Pat.

Oh, boy.

Hey, guys.

I got the part!


My son, the actor.

Just remember... no accent.

Only good for cheap laughs.

Hey, we couldn't wait
until tomorrow to find out.


There's another cake in there that says

"Better luck next time."

It is so... oh, Pat.

Look, I'm sorry I wasn't
more open about all this.

Ah, don't worry about
it. I'm proud of you.

Yeah, me too.

Although, after your episode airs,

I have a feeling you're gonna
be hard... er to work with.

- [Laughs]
- [Cellphone rings]

Whoop. Nope, Hollywood calling.

Yeah, see, you've changed already.

[Laughs] Hello?

Yes, it would be an honor
to hold for Dan Harm...


Hey, I've been thinking.

I should act my age.

You can have Molly's
room when she leaves.

No, Grandpa, I, too, have been thinking.

- You should take it.
- Okay.

I will. [Laughs]

Dave, looks like you just got played.

Quite the contrary.

I've had my eye on Grandpa's
room since he moved in.

Making your room seem desirable

was just one domino that needed to fall.

Hey. You okay?

Oh, yeah, never better.

[Off-key note plays]

Dan Harmon: Ken, I'm
glad I caught you.

Oh, yeah. I was just celebrating

with my friends and family.

I don't care.

Yeah, I was just thinking about

the character I want you to play.

I want you to be a Spanish
professor that's a little crazy,

a little nutty, like
you were in the audition.

And I want you to be in every episode.

- Seriously?
- Seriously.

I hope you're ready
to quit your day job,

if you even have one.

You seem like you shouldn't.

Uh, guys?

Let me guess... they realized

they made a mistake
and changed their mind?

Did they give the part to John Cho?

My God, though, he is so talented.

[Indistinct conversation]

No, no.


They want me to be a series regular.

But that means I'd have to quit my job.


This is so surreal.

Pat, is there any way I could take

a leave of absence in
case it doesn't work out?

No, sorry, I wish there
were, but unfortunately,

we'd have to replace you right away.

Ah, two years ago, that would have been

music to my ears, but now...

guess I've built up a tolerance to you.

No. I can't do this.

It's just like stand-up last year.

It's too risky. It'll change everything.

Ken, this year has been full of changes.

I switched jobs. Your
parents got divorced.

Ain't nobody gonna tie me down.

My point is change isn't bad.

Molly's gonna go off to Stanford.

That's a huge change.

But Molly's supposed to go to college.

-year-old doctors aren't supposed

to trade their lab
coats in for a sombrero.

I'd play a Spanish teacher
with an anger problem.

At least it's in your wheelhouse.

Except for the Spanish part.

Hey, Ken, you know we do
support you on this, right?

Yeah, I mean, we'd really miss you,

but this is an amazing
opportunity for you.

Yeah. I love working with you guys.

It... and, you know, I make a difference

in hundreds of patients'
lives, thousands.

Dad, what do you think?


Son, I've always said
that you need the support

of your family for a decision like this.

This is your family.

It matters what they think.

I'm , so I'm gonna
yield my time to Mom.

Oh, Ken, if my cancer scare
has taught me anything,

it's that life is short.

You have an opportunity here
that may never come again.

Yeah, but I have
responsibilities as a...

We have responsibilities.

And we'll make it work.

When you look back in years,

are you really gonna be happy
if you didn't take a sh*t

at the one thing you always
said you wanted to do?

But what if this doesn't work out?

But what if it does?

I love you so much.


I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it!

- [Cheering]
- Love you guys.

Love you guys so much.


Now let's have some cake.

Oh, uh, is it gluten free?

Because I'm an actor now.

Oh, God. Here we go.


Huh, I know what you're thinking.

Something doesn't look
right here, does it?

You're probably like, "Dios mio,

I thought this was Spanish class, brah."

"Ah, look at me. Little
Miss Sunshine, uh-huh.

Ay caramba, what's a guy like
him doing up there, huh? Huh?

Huh? Huh?"

[Laughs] Sorry, sorry.

Alison just made me
laugh again. That's all.

My bad for reacting in the scene.

Dan, that was funny.

You should film her, too.

Oh, we're gonna.

After you do one take without laughing.


Ah, that's gonna be tough to do.

Got an hour of unusable
tape to prove that.

Why don't we take five?

Everybody, call your families.

[Bell rings]

I'm gonna hang out on my
mark, kind of in the zone.

It's gonna be a long year.


Should we reach out to John Cho?

[Laughs] Yeah.

Living the dream.
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