03x02 - Things to Do in Burbank When You're Dead

[bunniefuu]

ALEX: Previously on "Casual"...

How's Dad? We should think
about what to do with his ashes.

Maybe we should just
bury him in my backyard.

VALERIE: Please join me
in celebrating the life

of Charles Cole.

Oh, f*ck that!

She disappears without a word,

and now she wants
to play grieving widow?

VALERIE: "Please bring your father."

She can't have his ashes,

'cause we m*rder*d him.

We did the dirty work.

She can't take that from us.

Come gather 'round.

ALEX: You know,
this is hard for me, too.

Sometimes I just want to call
you and tell you everything,

and then I remember that I shouldn't.

Just because we don't live together

doesn't mean we can't talk.

Save my seat.

I know Charles would have been overjoyed

to see such a collection
of friends and family.

Where are your shoes?

Check your bag.

You didn't.

For him to take me in,

a single, pregnant woman,

and raise my daughter as his own,

and for that our family
will be eternally grateful.

[laughs]

[pop music]

♪ ♪

Nope. No.

- But...
- No.

Fine.

♪ ♪

What do you think their deal is?

What, two men of vastly different sizes

and social experiences
can't play pool together?

I think the shorter one
is the tall one's

very lifelike marionette.

Mm, that feels right.

Ooh, here we go. Easy money.

- No.
- Yeah, yeah.

- She's a shark.
- No way. How can you tell?

Because look at the callus on her thumb.

What? That could be from
guitar, video games,

or erotic rope play.

Whoa, did you... Did you just see...

Did you see that? That was amazing.

She just sunk two balls like...

How long you gotta practice to do that?

What do you think?

Erotic rope play?

Yeah, it's a hobby,
and you get a callus and...

- f*ck off.
- Yeah.

All right, here we go.

- VALERIE: Eh.
- ALEX: Eh? What eh?

They're drunk, they're bad,

they're properly proportioned,
they're perfect.

All right, fine, you talk.

I will. Hello.

My sister and I were wondering
if you'd be interested

in a little game
of two-on-two for stakes.

- Yeah.
- What kinda stakes?

Well, if you win,

a round of drinks on me and...

this is very exciting.

[mumbles] .

- .
- $ .

- And if you win?
- I get your shoes.

No.

- Okay.
- That's fair.

- We tried.
- That was fair. Okay.

We'll find better.

- You know what was cool?
- What?

Was in the Wild West,
if you didn't like your life,

you just changed
your hat and your boots,

and you'd ride to the next town

and, bam, you're a whole new person.

That feels slightly glamorized
and not reflective of reality,

but okay.

Okay, so you could be
enslaved or scalped or,

I don't know, tortured in
some obscure historical way

that I don't even know about, but...

at least it was possible.

And you think you can't do that now?

Okay, maybe, maybe.

You know, if you pay off
all your credit cards,

erase your computer,

buy a one-way ticket
to someplace far away.

Yeah, I guess...
I guess maybe people do it.

Yeah.

Yeah?

You can't erase it all.

Think about it,
every purchase you've ever made,

every picture you've ever shared,

your messages, your comments.

All these facts that are etched

in this thing, this network,

and barring some catastrophic failure,

they'll follow you... I mean, follow us

wherever we go, even after we die.

Wow.

Our Facebook profiles
are gonna outlive us.

Yeah, that's why it's so important

to like the right stuff.

I'm gonna go have a cigarette.

You don't smoke.

Hey, there any chance you got a...

- Sorry.
- It's okay.

Thank you. Great, thanks.

Thank you.

This doesn't look right, does it?

It's affected,
like I'm doing a thing, huh?

I don't know.

I never met you before.

Maybe that's just how you look.

This girl, Anne-Marie Ness,

she starred in all the school plays.

She smoked Merit Ultra Lights.

Sometimes I'd go smoke with her.

Like... like I just thought

maybe her aura would rub off on me.

She-she's in retail now.

I work in retail.

There's nothing wrong with retail.

It's great.

[phone buzzes]

[sighs]

- Everything okay?
- [buzzing continues]

Yeah, right? Tell me about it.

My fantasy baseball team sucks.

Three of my pitchers are injured,

my closer's got a dead arm.

It's infuriating.

And you do all this research, too.

SABR, w*r. Who's undervalued?

Who-who's primed and ready to break out?

It's...

It just really sucks to care, you know?

[mellow rock music]

♪ ♪

Are you addicted now?

Should we get some vapes?

No, I'm gonna head home to Laura.

- What? No.
- Yeah.

I was kidding about the vapes.
f*ck vapes.

Here.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Whatever you want.

It's your dad.

Hey.

Sorry.

Just a lot to deal with right now.

Let's do a night out in Burbank.

- No.
- Yes.

Yes.

This is where we came from.

This is the land of our roots.

Not a chance.

Val, we could be
anywhere in the world right now.

Seoul, Vienna, Rio.

f*ck, I wish it was Rio.

But we're here, in Burbank, with him,

so let's see it one last time

and spread his ashes and be free.

Please.

No, nothing good happens in Burbank.

I know, that's why you can't
make me do this alone.

[upbeat folk music]

♪ ♪

- God, I hate you.
- Good.

Put that in your purse and let's go.

Can we get a check?

This has to be
a health code violation, right?

If an inspector comes,

just say it's a bag of powdered sugar.

Do you think they'll buy it?

Honestly, I think this
whole hypothetical situation

is pretty unlikely.

[laughs] Oh, my God.

This is so good.

[chuckles]

How many are you gonna eat?

I'm gonna eat all of them.

Dad would be proud.

Dad was a selfish assh*le

who also had diabetes.

That never stopped him
from enjoying a donut.

Until now.

- Hey.
- Hmm?

Don't rush him. Let him savor it.

- Alex.
- Hmm?

- Eat the f*cking donut.
- Mm.

I remember looking at this display case

when we were kids.

All the colors and sprinkles,

and then I'd look at myself and think,

what in the f*ck is wrong with you?

Why can't you stop?

But you did stop.

I was really fat.

[chuckles]

You...

You used to clip the doorway
when you'd enter a room.

Okay.

Like you couldn't
totally navigate yourself.

There's something really demoralizing

about not having control over your body.

It's like living with constant
waking sleep paralysis.

f*ck.

That sounds scary.

It was.

[laughs]

But I guess that's
what it's like, right?

You know, when you're a kid.

Plus on top of that,
you're just so terrified

of all the things you don't know.

I can't imagine you being
terrified of anything.

[chuckles]

Oh, that's funny. You're funny.

Okay, what are you afraid of?

- No, no.
- No?

I spend every day dealing
with other people's fears

just so I don't have
to deal with my own.

It's perks of the job.

Fine.

Let's go.

Let's go where?

It's a surprise.

Ugh, no. Alex, I'm tired.

Oh, my God, we're on Memory Lane,

and you want to go to sleep?

You can sleep every night
for the rest of your life.

Come take a walk with me.

Fine.

Call a car.

Okay.

RICHIE: ♪ We're going to party ♪

♪ Karamu, fiesta forever ♪

♪ Come on and sing along ♪

♪ We're going to party ♪

♪ Karamu, fiesta forever ♪

♪ Come on and sing along ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ All night ♪

We're not breaking and entering, are we?

We are. Aren't we?

- Alex?
- Hush.

- Alex, can we not?
- Shh.

RICHIE: ♪ Life is good ♪

♪ Wild and sweet ♪

- We're not.
- Oh.

RICHIE: ♪ Play on, play on ♪

♪ Feel it in your heart
and feel it in your soul ♪

- ALEX: Yeah, I see it.
- VALERIE: I know.

God, I was cute.

[Alex mumbles]

VALERIE: It all looks
so small from back here.

Back there, it felt so big.

The costumes and the sets,

and even the makeup.

I just can't imagine what it
felt like on that stage.

What do you mean? You were onstage.

Me? No, no.

I was always running around the back.

Little gopher with the frizzy hair.

- No.
- Yeah.

What about "Pippin"?
You were in that one.

Uh, I was Peasant Number Two.

And you owned that role.

You ran circles around
Peasant Number One.

- Did you see that?
- Damn right I saw it.

- Aww.
- Multiple times.

Dad never did.

We could leave him right here.

On the seat.

Make him watch bad musical
theater for the rest of time.

Oh, I'm not that cruel.

Besides, it wasn't all bad.

See, there's this little catwalk,

it's right up there,
and when you stand on it

you can see the stage and
the audience at the same time.

It's like two worlds at once.

Hmm.

I really...

I really liked that spot.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

It's nice.

[gentle folk music]

Hey, what's it like being a mom?

It's like...

watching yourself go
through life a second time,

only this time you're just a voice,

and you never know if anyone
is ever listening to you.

Oh, Laura listens to you.

Yeah, sometimes I wonder if she should.

She appreciates what you do for her.

Well...

she'll be off on her own soon enough.

Yeah.

Then what are you gonna do?

♪ ♪

I-I don't know.

Really, I don't...

I don't know what's
supposed to come next.

What's it say in the handbook?

The... oh, the handbook?

The one that they...

the one they send to you
when you have a kid?

- Yeah.
- I don't know.

Just, um... I think
it got lost in the mail.

I was between apartments.

It was before Amazon Prime.

You can do anything, you know?

You just decide, and then you do it.

[groans]

What if...

what if I try things,

and it just doesn't feel right?

I mean, what if, like, these hobbies,

or whatever they are, what if I just...

what if they're just
diversions to pass the time

until I'm dead?

Oh, then you'll just feel
like the rest of us.

♪ ♪

You don't have to stay.

I can take care of this.

Maybe bake him into a pie.

I want to go home.

♪ ♪

Who do you think he is?

I mean, we have no idea.
He could be anyone.

A musician.

A professional athlete.

Think you'd be less clumsy.

I'm his daughter.

I'm half his,

and I don't know
the first thing about him.

Val, what does it matter?

Just like grew up in this house where...

where my dad...

Charles, I don't know,

he must have looked at me

and seen some... some alien,

some foreigner.

No wonder he was never affectionate.

It would probably, you know,

remind him of a past
he couldn't control.

Maybe my life would be different

if I was with someone who wanted me.

Who, your biological father?

The guy who never showed up?

We don't know that.

We don't know that.

Okay.

I get it.

Anyone sounds better than Charles.

But look at you.

Look what you became.

Yeah.

I don't know what I am.

I don't know who I'm supposed to be.

You asked me, what am I most afraid of?

That. That's it, that.

You know, I'm years old,

and you have this idea of yourself,

this picture, and in one moment

it's just like...

it just totally changes.

- No, it doesn't.
- Alex!

You're the same person
you've always been.

The frizzy-haired girl
who writes her name on the wall.

You're a good mom

and a good sister,

and, sure, there may be
some girl out there

that that guy raised, but...

I don't want to know her.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

Home sweet home.

I half expected it to be gone.

Some gaping hole
that ends God-knows-where.

They planted trees. Hm.

Do you think we should
try to get inside?

Do you... do you really believe that,

that it doesn't matter?

That I'm still the same?

I know you are.

♪ ♪

So that's our house, huh?

It was.

It was such a sh*thole.

Now it's so nice.

Nicest flophouse in Burbank.

Maybe we should just
give the ashes back to Mom.

Let her deal with them.

Why give her the satisfaction?

♪ ♪

Oh.

[gentle folk music]

♪ ♪

How's this?

Fine by me.

Sure you don't want
to go back to the Donut Hut?

Nah.

We'll let the wind decide.

[clears throat]

Should we say something?

Yeah, I think we should.

You first.

What? Really?

Yeah, I gave the wedding speech.

Yes, you did do that.

Sellout.

Wasn't that the night
you had sex with my...

Okay, fine.

Charles.

Dad.

Uh...

You were very...

untraditional,

um...

selfish,

probably negligent.

Definitely negligent.

Larger than life.

Planetary, really.

Yeah, like a big black hole,

just capable of sucking all the light

and banishing it to another...

Okay, I think we're going
a little off the rails here.

Right, sorry.

You were less than perfect.

I spent many a night

asking myself what I did to deserve you.

But you were there, ultimately.

In whatever small capacity,

you were there.

And I'm... and I'm grateful for that.

Not a ton to add.

Um...

Obviously I would prefer
if you didn't haunt me,

so, um, if you do go the ghost route,

hopefully you'll do that
somewhere far away from me.

- Like Burbank.
- Yeah, Burbank works.

Um...

you were not great.

Really.

Not great at all.

I don't know if
anyone's parents are great,

but you seemed especially bad.

I don't know.

I, um, resented you

for a long time.

Um...

But now I don't.

Um...

Maybe it's 'cause time heals all wounds,

or, you know, it dulls memories.

Or maybe it, um, just makes you realize

how useless it is to hold on to grudges.

How much energy

it takes to hate.

So, Dad...

I don't hate you,

and I hope you find your peace.

That's it.

- That's it.
- Okay.

Want me to hold it?

I got it.

[gentle folk music]

♪ ♪

Going for an Indiana Jones
type of thing.

"Raiders."

You know, the idol for the bag of sand.

The old switcheroo.

Then with the rolling ball
and... whatever.

It was unkind,

what you did to Valerie.

Telling her like that
in front of all those people.

Do you ever get tired
of speaking for your sister?

I don't speak for her.

But I feel like we've
had this conversation before,

many times now.

I don't know if you're lonely.

I assume you must be.

But telling her about some secret father

isn't gonna bring her back to you.

Not just a father.

A brother, too.

A half-brother just like you.

We spread Dad's ashes.

Together.

He would have probably enjoyed that.

Good-bye, Mom.

[Monument Valley's "Dear John Letters"]

MAN: ♪ We wrote our Dear John letters ♪

♪ In the same pen ♪

♪ And before the ink had dried ♪

♪ They were already stamped and sent ♪

♪ Yours to West Berlin
and mine to Kent ♪

♪ They sat side-by-side
until they went ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And they came back broken ♪

♪ They came back bent ♪

♪ And expected us to be ♪

♪ What they thought they'd left ♪

♪ And though we weren't quite whole ♪

♪ Turned out we were all ♪

- ♪ Each other needed to grow old ♪
- Hey, it's me.

Yeah, yeah, I had fun last night, too.

MAN: ♪ The thick skin on
my back grew hard to cut ♪

Oh, no reason.

♪ I'm sure the words were sharp
but they never stuck ♪

Um...

Oh, yeah.

I love you, too.

♪ We sat back pretty easy
and we watched the decades bend ♪

♪ Home, bus stop, shop,
bus stop and home again ♪

♪ They came back broken ♪

♪ They came back bent ♪

♪ And expected us to be
what they thought they'd left ♪

♪ And though we weren't quite whole ♪

♪ Turned out we were all ♪

♪ Each other needed to grow old ♪

♪ ♪

♪ My stiff limbs jerk
across the station concourse ♪

♪ Like a wind-up toy forced to walk ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You've been dead six years now ♪

♪ Though sometimes it feels like more ♪

♪ And I am old ♪

♪ I am old ♪ ♪