03x05 - Band on the Roof

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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(SLURPING)

(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

(expl*si*n)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

(SINGING) Sacramento girl...

TOM: First, there was
the Alan Twitty Project.

(SINGING)
The bunny in my brain...

TOM: Then there was
the Louis Stevens Experience.

The coming together
of these two musical forces

begat the super group the
Twitty Stevens Connection.

(SINGING) Stop, don't go
There's something you've got to know...

TOM: But the band broke up
temporarily

when bassist Artie Ryan's mom
made him take pottery lessons.

Hello. I'm Thomas Gribalski,
rockumentary filmmaker.

Two weeks ago,
Louis Stevens came to me

and asked me to videotape
what happened

when the Twitty Stevens
Connection got back together.

Louis felt that since the group
was going to be

rich and famous someday

it'd be nice to go back behind the scenes
and capture those "little moments."

Unfortunately, they'd find
that the road to success is a bumpy one.

Very bumpy indeed.

(SINGING)
But when you walk into the room

My heart's b*ating wild and crazy

I can't speak when I look at you

My tongue gets tied
And my mind is hazy

(DRUM SOLO)

(DRUM SOLO CONTINUES)

-What are you doing?
-I do not remember this piece

having a -minute
drum solo.

It's called a groove... you either get in,
or you get out. Give me my sticks.

-Artie, wake up.
-Is he done yet?

Listen, what you call "groove"

other people call
"a splitting migraine."

You guys, come on,
remember you said

if we got back together,

you guys would be
okay with each other?

BEANS:
Can I say something?

LOUIS:
Where is he?

Beans!

How did you get in here?

Beans is like that policeman
in Terminator .

You know who I'm talking about?

I swear, he goes liquid, he can
fit through cracks in windows

under doors,
through little keyholes.

I'm hungry.
Let's get a sandwich.

Hey, Beans, this is
big person time, okay?

Whatever.

Look, I like your sound,
but you've got one problem.

Hi, what's
your name?

-Artie.
-Artie, you're horrible.

I remember Beans
riding Artie pretty hard that day.

It got ugly.

Artie, read my lips.
Take a lesson.

I don't have to take this.

I'm Artie Ryan!

LOUIS: Artie, hold on.

TWITTY: Dude.

Artie, come on.
Come on.

LOUIS:
We're all behind you, Artie.

We're behind you.

Artie, no, don't go!

Aah!

What?

I was thinking about
quitting the band, anyway.

I didn't like
the direction it was going:

nowhere.

Since then
I started my own band:

Artie Ryan and the Funky Cats.

Hey, I had some promotional
materials made up.

Tom, you want a free one?

No, thanks.

Thanks a lot, Beans. Hey, who made you
an expert on the bass?

May I?

(PLAYS BASS)

Yeah, Beans!

-Nice, Beans!
-All right!

-Nice, buddy.
-Dude, dude, dude, Beans.

You're in the band, bro.
You are in the band.

But, um, next time don't lick your guitar.
It's kind of gross.

Cool.

TWITTY: With Beans in the band
there was, like, this whole new energy.

Everyone was pumped and
working on new stuff, you know.

(PLAYS RIFF)

And... and Louis and Ren
even wrote a song...

together.

That was freaky.

REN:
"All my troubles just go away..."

Two, three, four...

(SINGING)
It's a perfect...

BOTH:
Day...

Perfect day...

I like that chorus.
Yeah, let's try another verse, though.

Okay, how about...

(SINGING)
Hit the snooze button twice

It's way too early.

Uh...
Shower's cold as ice

Ch-ch-ch-chilly.

"Chilly" doesn't rhyme
with "early," though.

-But kind of, right?
-Okay, I like it.

Mom, Dad,
get in here, quick.

STEVE: Donnie, hang in there.
You've got five minutes left

on that hot oil
treatment.

Dad, it's
Louis and Ren.

I think they're
getting along.

It was just the sweetest thing.

I mean, I wanted to hug them.

But I didn't want
to ruin my hair.

Wait, wait, um...
that sounded stupid.

Don't use that, okay?

Is that true?
Are you two getting along?

BOTH:
Yeah, I guess.

(GASPS)

Hot nuggets!

(LAUGHING)

It was amazing.
It was as if

the music brought
them closer together.

Yeah, those were the
happiest days of our lives.

It was bliss.

Sheer bliss.

TOM:
And it was.

Louis and Ren had found a new
level in their relationship.

It seemed like the fun
would go on forever.

(SINGING)
I just close my eyes and say

Another perfect day

And all my troubles just go away

Another perfect day

Another perfect day.

TWITTY: Okay, now, it was
catchy enough, but I thought

if we just put some really good
backup vocals in there

a super cool guitar line like,
uh...

(PLAYS GUITAR RIFF)

...the song could be huge.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

So, since we have a hit
on our hands,

I propose that we get the news out
on the Twitty Stevens Connection:

It's back, it's hot,
and it's ready to rock.

(OTHER CHEERING)

Here's what we do.

I think that we should
throw a free concert.

But not just any free concert.

This free concert
will be on the school roof.

That is sweet. You know what, dude?
That's not a bad idea

'cause the Beatles did a free
concert on the roof once.

So did U .

And now the
Twitty Stevens Connection.

So, Friday, we sneak up
on the roof at lunchtime

and we jam the bricks
off this little school of ours.

Ooh, sweet.
Hands in.

Yeah.

-ALL: Break!
-LOUIS: Whoo!

Louis had this idea
of giving a free concert

and free publicity
was a great idea in theory.

But, um, doing it
on the school roof...

WEXLER:
Students on the roof...

strictly forbidden.

Why do you ask?

Um, just double-checking
my list of forbidden things.

Tom, why are you filming this?

-What's up, guys?
-What's up, dude?

All right, so here's
what I'm thinking.

I think we should get here
really early, right? Really early.

Like, before-school-starts early,
all right?

We get our stuff, our equipment,
we set it up on the roof.

Sweet. Hey, what if
we wear camouflage?

You know, Twitty,
that is a brilliant idea.

What if we, uh, dress up
as giant metal vents

to blend in
with the roof decor?

Yeah, now that I hear it out loud,
it does sound kind of stupid.

Hey, Sis!
Right here.

Right here,
saved you a seat.

"Sis."

I told you it was freaky.

Anyways, um, we were
just wondering

if you knew about
the rooftop entrance.

Any locks, doors, funny
business kind of stuff?

And then, tragedy struck.

That roof thing isn't
going to work, guys.

It's, um, it's forbidden.

So?

So, I was thinking we could
do the concert in the park.

You know, the one with the, uh, monument
shaped like a big onion.

And, you guys, I called
the park officials

for a permit just to
keep them abreast...

Ren, you're chickening out.

-I'm not chickening out. I'm not...
-Yeah, you are.

If I was chickening out,
it would be for a good idea.

And trust me, this
roof thing is a bad idea.

Jiminy H. Crickets
the Third, Junior, Ren!

We're not robbing
the bank, or anything.

We're singing on the roof,
that's all.

So, for once in your life,
take a little risk.

You know what?

If you want to get in trouble,
that's fine with me

but you are not bringing me
into it.

We don't need you!

We don't need her.

What's living if you never

pull your shorts down
and slide on the ice, Ren?

I heard my uncle say that
to my dad once.

I immediately fell in love
with the phrase.

Just... it's great imagery,
you know?

"Ice..."

"Shorts at your ankles..."

TWITTY: So, Ren's out
of the band?

Yes, she's out of the band.

(SINGING) We said that
we'd always be friends

I guess
we won't say that again

And now I need to get out
of here, out of here...

TOM: The band thought
they had hit rock bottom

but they still
had a long way to fall.

TOM: The Twitty Stevens Connection
was a band in crisis.

Ren Stevens was gone.

(TOM GRUNTING)

I am so sorry, Tom.

It's okay.

Hi, honey,
how was your day?

Don't ask.

Ren ruined everything!

That's so not true.

-(LOUIS' DOOR SLAMS)
-(REN'S DOOR SLAMS)

Well, I guess the fun is over.

Little did Ren know that
her defection from the band

would lead her on a journey
to self-discovery.

EILEEN:
Ren?

Ren?

Honey, are you okay?

Um, Mom, I... I kind of have
to ask you something.

Okay.

TOM:
Oh, sorry.

I thought the right thing to do

would be to let mother and daughter
have a private moment alone.

(SNICKERING)
But this was just too juicy.

Mom, uh, do you think
I'm afraid to take risks?

Oh, well, um...

Oh, you think
I'm a caution freak.

I didn't say that.

I... I'm only saying
that you are

an extremely
sensible person.

-EILEEN: Everybody wave!
-(NOISEMAKER BLOWS)

Okay, now, everybody
into the pool!

Guys, wait. We can't swim yet.
We just ate.

Ren, sweetie, it's been
over three hours.

I think it's safe
to go in now.

Wait a minute.

I just had
a potato chip.

I should wait
another minutes.

What was I thinking?

I wasn't completely wrong.

That kid that ate
all that macaroni salad?

We had to drain the pool.

Ren, don't get defensive.

I'm only saying that,
at some point in time,

you are going to find something
worth taking a risk for

and then you'll just go for it.

You will.

LOUIS:
'Scuse me, 'scuse me.

TOM:
It was the day of the concert.

Could Louis pull it off
without Ren?

Twitty, let's go.
Bro, come on.

Oh, yeah, Lou, uh...
I can't make it

to the roof
concert tomorrow.

Twitty, no, no, no.
You have to make it, dude.

Today is the day.
You got to make it.

I'm sorry, but I got
a dentist appointment.

You know, see,
I got a note.

-Got a note?
-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, of course.
-Totally. It's official.

Right. "Please excuse
Alan Twitty.

Today he has
a dental examination..."

Right.
Examine... teeth...

-"Dr. Marvin Heard."
-Yeah, Heard.

Well, I guess you got to go, right?

Okay, now,
I thought my note was great.

Except for one thing.

Twitty, I wrote that note
for you last week!

I know what happened.

Ren got in your head,
and now you're backing out.

-Just listen, listen, listen, listen...
-Don't tell me anything else!

Listen, okay?
She does have a point, all right?

If we go up there, we
could get in trouble

and I'm already
maxed-out on detention.

(VOICE BREAKING)
Do you hate me?

Twitty, I can't talk to you
about feelings right now, buddy,

because me,
Tawny and Beans have

a rock show to prepare for,
all right?

You have fun
at that dental appointment.

You... hmm!

(SIGHS)

Tom, could you just
get out of here, okay?

Hey, don't take it out on me
just 'cause you weenied out.

(TOM SHUDDERS)

(VELCRO RIPPING)

Whoa, Louis!
How'd you get

all this stuff up here
without Wexler seeing?

I had Tom keep him busy for me.

Does this look
too causal, Tom?

No, it's fine.
Keep going.

After I realized the
Navy wasn't for me,

I sort of drifted
for a while.

(MAN SINGING SCAT)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

Hey!

What are...?

Oh, you, uh...
you kids filming me?

Oh, no. The red light?
It just means "off."

Right, Tom?

Oh, then what are
you doing up here?

Oh, we, uh, we heard
some noises

so we thought it might
be a wounded animal.

But now we see you're
just grilling sausage.

Ah, they're tofu dogs.

You think
this chiseled body

would be eating
fatty sausages?

Okay, well, now that
we have that whole

"wounded animal" thing
cleared up, we'll be going.

Hold it!

The roof is
a restricted area.

Consider this your first and last warning.
You got that?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Oh, and Coach?

Just out of curiosity,

are you going to be eating lunch
on the roof today?

(SCOFFS) No.

I grill up here, then go eat
in the back seat of my car.

I'm no goofball.

And Coach?

Your tofu dogs are on fire.

Oh, mother of pearl!

Anyways, soon as
Coach Tugnut leaves we're home free.

Look, Louis, I think I'm starting to have
second thoughts about this whole thing.

Why? He's going to be gone
in ten minutes.

Well, it's not just Tugnut.
I mean...

Look, maybe Ren's right.

This whole roof thing
is kind of crazy.

You're backing out, too?
Why?

I'm sorry, Louis.
I really am.

But I'm going to go now.

(SIGHS)

(VELCRO RIPPING)

Well, I don't think it's crazy,
and neither does Beans.

So, I guess it's just the two of us.
That's fine.

(PHONE RINGS)

Roof.

Hey, Beans.

It's good to hear from you, buddy.
Huh?

You can't make it to the concert

because you have a hamster cage
stuck on your head?

You're lying, Beans!
You're lying to me!

You're just afraid,
like everybody else!

I wasn't lying.

I still can't get this thing off.

(VELCRO RIPPING)

TOM: And then it was just Louis,
a man without a band.

Oh, hey, Ren.

Thought you might
be happy to know

the whole band bailed,
and it's all your fault.

Look, Louis...

And Ren, what hurts the most

is yesterday, I called you "Sis."

Yeah, well,
I'm ending that.

Oh, wait. Don't move.
Don't move, Ren.

And this right here?

Our whole songwriting
partnership?

I'm ending that, too.
I'm ending it, Ren.

(SPITS)

Louis, you just ripped up
your math homework.

Where's Louis?

I don't know.
I think he's probably avoiding us.

Hey, did you hear what happened
to that kid over at Cook Elementary?

Oh, yeah, that dude got stuck
in a hamster cage.

(DRUMS PLAYING SLOW INTRO)

(SINGING) I know the feeling

A-ring-a-ding-a-ling...

Yep, the dude finally lost it.

You guys,
we are at school.

This is not a party.

Louis, what are you doing?

WEXLER: Louis Stevens, get down
from that roof right now.

Ren, I just don't understand it.

Don't genetics mean anything?

I mean, you would never do
something like this.

I guess that's 'cause I'm afraid
to take risks.

Exactly.

I'm a caution freak who always
plays it safe.

Yes, and that's
what I love about you.

LOUIS: (SINGING)
It's way too early

Aw, looks like your brother's
in big trouble.

Yeah, but you got to admit,
he's got guts.

LOUIS: (SINGING)
Uncool

(GUITAR PLAYING)

Whoo-hoo!

(SYNTHESIZER PLAYING)

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

(BAS LINE THUMPS)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(SINGING)
Can't get out of my bed

I know the feeling

Alarm clock next to my head

A-ring-a-ding-a-ling

Want to sleep instead of

-Dealing with school
-School

Hit the snooze button twice

It's way too early

Shower's cold as ice

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilly

Spilled my crispy rice

-That's so uncool
-Uncool

Ruined my skirt,
And my feet kind of hurt

'Cause I'm wearing two left shoes

Wearing two left shoes

Got a new zit
But I ain't gonna quit

I know how to b*at these blues

I just close my eyes and say...

-Another perfect day
-Day

And all my troubles

-Away
-Just go away

-Another perfect day
-Day

-Another perfect day
-Day

My schoolwork resembles a mountain...

This concert will cease as of now.

This is your final warning.

REN: (SINGING)
...eyes and say

-Another perfect day
-Day

And all my troubles

-Away
-Just go away

-Another perfect day
-Day

-Another perfect day
-Day

Stop that dancing!

Stop that dancing!

Stop that...

You too, Tugnut!

Stop that dancing!

-REN: (CONTINUES SINGING) "...day"
-Day

And all my troubles just go away

-Another perfect day
-Day

Another perfect day

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

TAWNY:
Oh!

Oh, there's some
nasty stuff out here.

TWITTY: Okay, now,
who would lose

a crusty, disgusting old sock?

LOUIS: Aw, nice, bro.
Thanks.

I was looking all over
for that.

-Good one.
-WEXLER: There will be no chatting.

This is punishment,
people.

Ren, I never thought I
would be saying this to you.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Wexler
but it's just something

-I felt I had to do.
-Ren, don't speak.

You've already broken my heart once.

Mr. Wexler, um, I think
I'm getting a blister.

Oh...

You know what's good
for a blister?

What?

Picking up more trash!
Now move it, move it,

move it, move it,
move it, move it, move it.

For the last time, Tom,
get that camera out of here.

Best part about
being Louis's friend?

It's never boring.

The downside?

Are you going to eat that?

Thanks.

I have never been
in so much trouble before

but it was worth it.

I give Ren a lot of credit
for stepping up.

It was very cool.

-But don't tell her...
-... I said that.

I would hate to admit

that I actually had fun
with Louis.

(CHUCKLES)

-Another perfect day
-Day

And all my troubles

-Away
-Just go away

-Another perfect day
-Day

-Another perfect day
-Day.