01x05 - The Lock In

[bunniefuu]

ADULT DEAN: Being in
the ' s was the equivalent

to being in your s today.

We didn't have helicopter parents

coddling us at all times
like fragile teacups.

That scar? [Chuckles]

Got it playing "Follow the Leader"

through an abandoned
construction site at recess.

- [Gargling]
- That mouthwash?

Uncut, would make you fail
a Breathalyzer test.

Dean, I need you to ride
your bike down to the store

and pick me up a pack of smokes.

I feel like I don't have
to explain that one.

Okay, so, my mom still laid out
my outfits for me,

but those polyester clothes,
made from % petroleum?

[Scoffs] Kids used to burst
into flames all the time.

["When the Saints Go
Marching In" playing]

Going to church was also
a part of growing up

that's different now.

The Black church is one of
the most important institutions

in American history.

It's been a home

that kept Black people unified
during hard times,

a social and political center

that sparked historic movements,

and a training ground for a generation

of leaders and entertainers.

So much of what makes
Black culture unique

comes from its roots
in the Black church.

And I grew up in a time when
it was just a given

that you went to church every Sunday.

All three boring hours of it.

♪♪

♪ Oh, when the saints
go marching in, yeah ♪

- ♪ Oh, when the saints ♪
- ♪ Oh, when the saints ♪

- ♪ Go marching in ♪
- ♪ Go marching in ♪

- ♪ Oh, when the saints ♪
- ♪ Oh, when the saints ♪

- ♪ Go marching in ♪
- ♪ Go marching in ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I want to be
in that number... ♪

Sister Pitts catches the Spirit
right on time every Sunday.

This means we're in the homestretch.

[Applause]

♪ Yeah! ♪

Amen.

ALL: Amen.

Before I close,
I want to call your attention

to a few important announcements.

We need more volunteers to visit
the sick and shut-ins this week.

Please see Sister Pitts to sign up.

ALL: Amen.

Now, our annual Junior High
lock-in is around the corner.

ALL: Amen.

This year, my daughter Charlene
will be attending,

and I'll be chaperoning.

- Amen?
- ALL: Amen.

I am very much looking forward

to this opportunity
to connect with the youth

- here at the church.
- ALL: Amen.

And I hope y'all ready,

'cause I do a mean mashed potato, now.

[Laughter]

Ain't that right, Charlene?

Isn't every Sunday already a lock-in?

Ow.

♪♪

Ooh, hoo-hoo!

This is gonna be so much fun.

Dean, let's go find your
sleeping bag for the lock-in.

- You mean church jail?
- Watch your mouth.

When I was your age,
singing in the youth choir

was where I first discovered
my love of music.

- And peppermints.
- Hm.

And I was a Sunday school leader

for as long as I can remember.

This lock-in is a good opportunity

for you to figure out where you belong.

Right. Because "Most Likely
to Fit in at Church"

is the award that all the players get.

Kim went to her lock-in and
she really enjoyed herself.

Tell your brother if he doesn't go,
he's gonna be missing out.

You know, I actually had
a great time at my lock-in.

I got my first kiss that night.

- Excuse me?
- Mm-hmm. Craig Westfield.

Mm, I had the biggest
crush on Craig, and...

Kimberly Lanette Williams.

I think our parents
only gave us middle names

so we'd know when we're in trouble.

What? It's boys and girls overnight

without parents for the first time.

And the Pastor always falls
asleep after lights out.

What do you expect to happen?

Who is this Craig boy?

Dad, it was like five years ago.

You said his last name is Westfield?

Where is this phone book?

Hey, don't pin this all on me.

Craig and I were not the only
ones kissing that night.

Who else am I gonna pin it on?

Suddenly, I saw the lock-in
in a whole new light.

If being trapped inside
a church all night

meant kissing girls,

I might end up having my
first kiss... with Keisa.

Then maybe there is a God.

[Classical music plays, door opens]

♪♪

LILLIAN: You two relax.

If Kim wants to be kissing on
some little mannish boy

in the house of God, then
that's between her and Jesus.

Hey, Mama, you know, on second thought,

maybe I should go to the lock-in.

You know, uh, to get, uh, closer to God.

Are we sure we want Dean
to go to this lock-in,

given what Kim just said?

Why not?

I mean, come on. It's just Dean.

Yeah.

"Just Dean" sucked as my campaign motto

for sixth-grade treasurer,
and it still sucked now.

You know what?

I think it'd be a great idea
for me to chaperone.

Wait. Why would you do that?

Because in this house,
we lead by example,

and it's been a really long time

since I taught at Sunday school

or even found myself
on a committee at church,

and if I'm gonna ask you
to get involved,

then I have to as well.

Besides, it'll be something fun
we can do together.

Yes, Mama was engaging in

a very specific type of blocking here.

Yeah. Fun.

[Classical music plays]

[Thud]

[Music stops]

[Laughs] Mwah!

Me and my little man!

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Through the highs and the lows ♪

♪ I'mma find my way home ♪

I couldn't wait to tell my friends

what my sister told me
about the lock-in.

It was gonna blow their minds.

Ow!

I liked having Hampton around
because he was so uncool,

he made me look like Sidney Poitier.

And then there was Norman.

It felt good to be telling
Norman something new

because he was my friend
who knew everything

about adult matters.

It wasn't until later that
I learned he knew nothing.

So, Kim told me that everybody
makes out at the church lock-in.

Seriously?

If I wanted to convince them to go,

this is where I had to sell it.

With the lights out.

Hey, man, count me in.

- Me too.
- Me three.

My mom told me there's Bible Jeopardy.

We could demolish.

No, Hampton.

We're going because of the girls.

The girls.

Yeah.

[School bell rings]

♪♪

RELIFORD: And that's
the schedule for tonight.

As you can see, we have
lots of fun stuff planned,

so take a minute, get your bearings,

and after the break,

you're in for a real treat.

[Grunts]

You know Moses.

Always trying to get
to the Promised Land.

[Laughs] He's so funny.

A few years later, we sadly
discovered the Pastor

also used those Old Testament puppets

in his teen sex-ed talks.

Nice.

Lots of solid options
here tonight, fellas.

Yeah. Definitely.

I call dibs on Linda.

Wait.

- Or maybe Tracy.
- Yeah.

Tracy looks like marriage material.

I can take Keisa off the table.

Linda's taller.

But Tracy has braces, too.

Metal on metal?

That could be a bad scene.

By the way, this is how
Facebook starts in years.

Keisa or Lori.

Keisa or Lori.

Keisa, Lori.

Ah, I want Lori.

[Exhales deeply] Good choice.

She did four curl-ups on
the physical-fitness test.

Whoa, man, that's three more than you.

Good point.

How about...

I think Keisa for me.

We already know you want Keisa.

Come on. What kind of horrible
friends would we be if we picked her?

In the game of junior-high romance,

girls always had the upper hand.

But this time, we had a foolproof plan

to turn the tables.

It felt good to finally be in control.

So, Dean, we have
a list of boys we like.

Wait, you guys made your own list?

Shh. No talking.

TAMMY: We matched the girls
with the boys they want,

and we need your help.

- Can I say something?
- Mm-hmm.

Why do you need my help?
I'm one of the boys, too.

[Laughter]

Not really.
You're not like the other boys.

You're just...

Dean.

I was also "just Dean"
sophomore year in college

when my crush, Stephanie Peters,

had me try on shirts
she was thinking of buying

for her boyfriend.

That scarred me.

So, Cory is with Tracy.

Braces?

Norman will be with Brenda,
and Hampton's with me.

Um, so, you... you...

you didn't mention Keisa.

Yeah, we asked her.

She didn't say if she liked anybody.

Guess she'll figure it out herself.

So Keisa was available!

Perfect. I could finally make my move.

Just make sure the boys go
with the right girls

during the movie tonight.

- Got it?
- Got it.

I'll tell the guys our plan.

Excuse me.

Great.

Dean!

Oh, baby, I'm so glad I found you.

You know, I heard some of
these kids are trying to plan

some kind of makeout session.

Your sister was right.

The house of the Lord is
no place to be acting fast,

so I'm trying to find out who it is.

Do you know anything about it?

Well, now that you asked,

I did hear some kids were
going to the offering room,

uh, during the movie?

Hm.

Well, thank you for telling me.

I will definitely be there watching.

And if you hear anything else
about this, you let me know.

- All right?
- I will.

All right, of course you will.

I know I don't have to worry about you.

Except for me being a big, fat liar.

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

So, turns out the girls have
their own list of couples.

You went to the girls' side?

Apparently, I'm always on
the girls' side.

Did you at least let them
know who we liked?

Wouldn't have mattered.
Cory, you're with Tracy.

Hampton, Tammy. Norman, Brenda.

Act surprised.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

This was the moment I had been
waiting, plotting,

and was recently bullied
by a group of girls for.

[Exhales deeply]

Here, Dean. I was saving
a seat just for you.

Charlene? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, actually I was
going to sit with...

But these are our seats.

- But, um...
- I already got us popcorn and candy.

I like mixing my Raisinets
with my popcorn,

so I did yours, too.

Come on! Say something!

All right, ladies and gentlemen,
quiet down and take your seats.

Uh, Dean, sit down.

[Film projector running]

[Musical introduction to
"The Ten Commandments" plays]

♪♪

♪♪

What's the matter, Dean?

Don't like the movie?

No, it's just, uh,

I think I'm supposed to
be sitting with Keisa.

Oh, no, it's fine.

I asked Keisa.

She said you two were just friends.

That's how I knew you were
free to sit with me.

♪♪

[Sighs]

SIMON: Thank you, my son...

but death is better than bondage,

for my days are ended
and my prayer unanswered.

ADULT DEAN: Bruh, I can relate.

- Let's take a five-minute intermission.
- [Sighs]

Will Pharaoh let God's people go?

[Scoffs] I don't know.

[Hampton laughs]

Okay, I'm going to the bathroom.

Be right back.

[Sighs]

Whew.

Hey.

What a snore, right?

So, I heard you talked to Charlene.

Yeah, she asked me if
you liked anybody here.

I told her I didn't think so.

Well, why would you tell her that?

Because you never told me
you liked anybody.

You never asked me if I liked anybody.

I'm sorry. I thought you'd
be happy if somebody liked you.

Why? Because I'm "just Dean"?

What?

You know, maybe I am happy
that somebody likes me.

- Okay.
- Okay!

Okay. Have fun. See you at breakfast.

Maybe you will!

Fresh baked.

I was gonna save them
till after the movie,

but you earned it.

- I did?
- Yeah.

Thanks to that little tip you gave,

I caught some kids getting fresh
by the offering room.

[Chokes] You did?

Looks like my lie didn't
turn out to be a lie.

Look at God.

Yes. Kids will be kids.

But save that stuff for the
cornfields and the haylofts,

where it belongs.

Mama grew up in the country.

They got it in where they could.

Heard some kids gonna be sneaking off

to the choir room after lights-out,

so I'll be there with
Pastor Reliford keepin' watch.

It's good that you're
hanging out with Charlene.

Good kids always find each other.

Hey, got five commandments left.

[Groans]

♪♪

CORY: Wasn't that...

the best?

Yeah. God reconciled with his people.

The bush was on fire and talking.

Not the movie, Hampton. The girls.

Oh, yeah. That was cool too.

I got my first kiss.

- What?
- What?

Yeah.

Tammy made an honest man out of me.

Did you kiss Charlene?

- Heck, no!
- Hey, watch your mouth!

I didn't want Charlene to jeopardize

my chances with Keisa,

so I did what any respectable man

in my situation would do.

Uh, you know, Hampton,

uh, after spending a lot
of time with Charlene,

I think that you two would
make a pretty good couple.

Um, plus, Pastor Reliford
would like you, uh,

'cause you guys
have so much in common...

uh, you know, uh, God...

Bible stuff.

I'd be willing to let her go.

For you.

Thou shall not commit adultery, Dean.

Did you learn nothing from the movie?

CORY: What's wrong with you, man?

Being with Charlene is a good thing.

- How is it good?
- Because women are complicated.

See, having a girlfriend

makes other girls want
to be your girlfriend.

See? Complicated.

If I were you, I would
take advantage, you know?

Make Keisa jealous.

Hey, uh, my mom said that
she'll be in the choir room

with the Pastor, looking out for kids.

That means we can sneak to
the sanctuary with the girls.

The sanctuary?

That's where they had
my grandma's funeral.

Don't be chicken.

Let's wait ten minutes
after everyone goes to bed,

then go.

I was ready to put
my new plan in motion.

[Forced laughter]

What's so funny?

[Laughter continues]

You're so silly, Dean.

My plan to make Keisa
jealous was working.

Nothing could stop me.

I love your elbows.

Except my complete lack of game.

You noticed.

I notice everything about you.

Ooh, you guys want to
see something cool?

- Yeah.
- Sure.

Okay. Turn off the lights.

ALL: Ooh!

We should go up there
to get a closer look.

Uh, yeah, let's do it.

♪♪

DEAN: Watch your step.

Uh, Dean, you're such a gentleman.

♪♪

This is so romantic.

Yeah.

Can anyone else see us?

Did we leave the door open?

Uh, no, it's just us.

Ahh!

- Aah!
- Aah!

[Both coughing]

Why would you do that, Dean?

I thought you liked me!

RELIFORD: Lord, have mer...
Why are the lights off?

LILLIAN: What is all the fuss in here?!
What are you kids doing?!

Dean Jeremiah Williams!

Jeremiah? Aw, hell.

What are y'all doing in here?

Everybody, get to bed,
where you're supposed to be!

- Right now!
- Go on.

To add insult to injury,
the commotion I caused

was the perfect distraction

for the kids making out like
weasels in the choir room.

I know I was risking life and limb

going against my mom's direct orders,

but there was something I had to do.

[Snoring]

♪♪

♪♪

I'm sorry about the whole...
baptismal-pool thing.

I, uh... I...
I didn't mean to... push you.

I thought we were having fun together.

Well, we were. It's just...

I didn't know you were gonna...

You know.

I think you're nice, Charlene.

Dean, I always knew you liked Keisa.

I could tell

'cause you always looked
at her the way, well...

kind of how I always looked at you...

all googly-eyed.

I don't have googly eyes.

It's just the way
my glasses make me look.

[Laughs]

See, that's why I like you.

You're just Dean.

And suddenly, being "just Dean"
didn't sound so bad.

Turns out, Charlene was %
right about my googly eyes.

♪♪

[Choir singing
"Since I Laid My Burdens Down"]

♪ ...burdens down ♪

♪ Friends don't treat me... ♪

At that age, I was so
focused on my first kiss,

and yet to this day, the second
kiss is what I remember best.

♪ ...I laid my burdens down ♪

♪ Burdens down ♪

- ♪ Friends don't treat me ♪
- ♪ Friends don't treat me ♪

♪ Like they used to ♪

♪ Since I laid my burdens down ♪

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

I know young men get tempted,

but I wasn't expecting this type
of behavior from young Dean.

I wasn't either, but now I know better.

BILL: Well, Pastor, I apologize

for any trouble he may have caused.

Who got to make out?
That's right. Just Dean.

And I can assure you
it won't ever happen again.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause I got a belt that can fix

showing your behind in church.

Okay, okay, baby.
Let's not act in anger.

We'll definitely seek
the Lord's guidance

on how to punish Dean.

The saying goes,
man makes plans and God laughs.

Everyone had a plan for the lock-in...

my parents thought it would
help me discover my passion,

and I thought it would land me
my first kiss with Keisa.

In a way, we were all right
about what was gonna happen...

just not in the way we expected.

♪ When I chased the girls
and b*at 'em up ♪

♪ But I was young
and didn't understand ♪