01x03 - Dummy Dancing

[bunniefuu]

Oh yeah, waxy Wednesday,

where plastic tray meets a freshly
buffed floor and legends are born.

Hey, guys. I got the tray.

- Any problem getting by Marge the lunch lady?
- Nah.

She said he don't pay her enough to care.

Guys, did I miss anything?

Not yet.

Hey! Shouldn't you be in detention for
putting a tolu in the boy bathroom?

I should be, but when you sit me
in the back and you go window open

I must take color-flag risk.

Jack, your record's about to be broken.

Prepare for the new world champion, Milton the miso crabnic.

Dude, it's a sandwich.

Oh, look at this! I've walked into
the middle of a loser-po-loser.

- What do you want Truman?
- I thought I just hang out.

Do you have to do it here?

It's a free hallway Jerry.

Truman, if you escuse me. I have a date with destiny.

Oh, that would be your first date ever.

Ha ha ha ha. Very funny.

You're about to see my skin marks

Ok, I thought that gonna sound different when it came out.

Ok guys, this garbage can marked Jack's record of floor tiles.

He just shattered your record.

And that paper-maseille solar system outside the science room.

It looks like somebody greased this tray.

Looks like. Ha ha ha ha!

Looks like Saturn's now larged in the dark side of the moon.

♪ Don't you
get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we can have a ball,
run up the wall ♪

♪ this is how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool
as kickin' it with you ♪

♪ here we go,
let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up
like it's karate ♪

♪ everybody ♪

♪ don't you
get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we can have a ball,
run up the wall ♪

♪ this is how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool
as kickin' it with you. ♪

Hold on.

Something's different.
Wait, don't tell me.

New bathrobe.

It's my hair. This is
what I get for showering.

Rudy, what kind of shampoo are we using?

That's the same shampoo we always use.

What? This isn't shampoo.

It's pink hair dye.

Dude, do you shampoo your leg hair?

Bro, when I shampoo, I'm all in.

Love your new look!

Awesome.
Just awesome.

I know you did this, Truman.

Somehow you snuck in here and switched
out that shampoo for pink hair dye.

- what?
- No, it wasn't Truman.

I've been here all day and I never
once saw him ooze his way in here.

Looks like I've got an airtight alibi.

See ya around, pinky.

Pinky?

Why would anyone call me "pinky"?

Ow!

Oh, I get it.

♪ come kick it with me ♪

♪ come on! ♪

- Flawless.
- It's breathtaking.

Perfection!

I don't know what we're looking at.

It's a single grain of rice.

I spent over $ , on it.

A tibetan monk spent a year engraving.

- The Wasabi code on it.
- Mmm.

I once wrote my name
on a corn dog with mustard.

But then I ate it,
so I really can't prove it.

Lonnie, you could never appreciate.

Such a precious piece of art.

- You own a reptile store and
your car has a tail. - Hmm.

Oh no.
No no no no.

- That did not just happen!
- It sure did.

- Well, we'll see you around.
- No no no no!

No no, you open your girlfriend's mouth

- 'cause I'm going in!
- Just relax.

- It'll come out in her poop.
- How long is that gonna take?

Well, Brazilian monkey lizards
usually go once a year,

And she just went, so a year.

No no no, I... I can't
wait a whole year.

You know what?
We have to trick her.

Into thinking that
the seasons are changing.

Are you insane?

You seriously think
you can outsmart a lizard?

It sleeps in a sock and its
best friend is a stick,

So I'm gonna
go with "yes."

Wait, what was that?

It sounded like that thing
just laughed at me.

Don't be ridiculous.
Lizards don't know how to laugh.

You are so bad.

Come on, people!
Let's make some noise!

As the Captain of our pep squad,

Kim Crawford leads out our
championship girls' basketball team.

The seaford.

Lady whales!

All right, girls, when I break
through that paper,

I want you guys to keep going,
throw your hands up in the air.

And pep that crowd up!
Come on, everyone!

Pep pep pep!

Come on!

Oh!

Look like you got yourself
intosticky situation.

Okay.

- I love the fall.
- Mmm.

I can't believe it's Thanksgiving already.

But I guess that's what
happens when time passes.

And the seasons change.

Almost makes you wanna poop.

Do not rush it.

Now let's eat.

Mmm. How's the Turkey?

I don't know.
The stuffing's pretty good.

Eh, it's lenore's favorite.
It's got meal worms in it.

Check it out...
Heather Clark.

Oh, she's reading the note
I left in her locker,

Which means she's gonna come over here.

Pit crew, go go go go.

- Roll roll roll roll.
- Wait wait wait.

A final touch...
a splash of cologne.

Ah.

What the...

Oh! Someone put
bleu cheese in my cologne.

I can't stand bleu cheese.

Remember what happened
when he smelled it at...

Whoa, don't... don't hurl, man.
Or think about hurling.

- Or the taste in your mouth you
get right before... - Shut it!

Hey, Jack, I got your note.
I thought it was really sweet.

Eww!

You just yakked on my shoes!

It's a category
hurl-icane!

Guys, we all know Truman's
behind all these pranks.

We just gotta figure out how he's doing it.

Grease, hair dye, sticky
paper and bleu cheese...

Sounds like my grandmother's
medicine cabinet.

Truman's picking us off one by one.

He's got all of us, except for...

- Eddie.
- What are you guys saying?

We're saying you're next.

If I were you, I'd roll myself up in
bubble wrap and sit in the basement.

I did that when my father
showed me my own birth video.

Do you guys have any idea
where we come from?

My mother told me it was a Pumpkin patch.

I wish.

I think what Eddie needs to hear.

Is that we're gonna be there for him.

Guys, guys, I can take care of myself.

No no no, don't worry, Eddie.
We'll protect you.

We'll walk you to school in the morning...

And after school we'll walk you back home.

We'll be the last thing you see at night.

And the first thing you see in the morning.

How do you like your eggs?

Guys, stop!

I can't take it anymore!

It wasn't Truman who pulled
those pranks on you.

- Well, then who was it?
- It was me.

What?

Eddie, why would you prank us like that?

Do you know what you did to me?
That paper was so sticky,

I lost four freckles and half an eyebrow.

And a clown keeps following me around.

Asking me where I get my hair done.

I didn't want to.

Truman's been blackmailing me.

How is he blackmailing you?

Truman's father owns the security
company that watches the mall.

- So?
- One night

Rudy let me stay late in the
dojo to work on some moves.

The thing is I wasn't
working on karate moves.

May I have this dance?

You put on that cherry lip gloss for me?

Truman saw everything
from his father's office.

He put it on a flash drive.

And unless I do whatever he says,

He's gonna put it on the Internet.

- I'm sorry, guys.
- It's okay, Eddie.

He's not gonna get away with it.

Truman's gonna be sorry he messed with us.

When you poke a bear,
do you know what happens?

Seriously, does anybody know?

Brr! Whoa.

What are you guys doing in here?

Just celebrating Christmas
with a monkey lizard.

Waiting for it to poop out
something that belongs to me.

Oh, right on. Wait.

How do you know the lizard's not
Jewish and celebrates hanukkah?

- We don't.
- Oh!

♪ hanukkah, hanukkah ♪

♪ ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hanukkah ♪

♪ and a happy kwanzaa too... ♪

- Just covering my bases.
- Oh.

♪ don't you think
it's time for you to poo? ♪.

Okay, our mission is to get
into the security office.

And grab the flash drive out of the safe.

Let's go over the plan one more time.

I'll get Truman out of the office.

By taking him to the parking lot.

And letting him sh**t paintballs at me.

- You think he'll go for it?
- I'm pretty sure.

Once we're inside, I'll
disarm the security system.

- I'll cr*ck the safe.
- Out in the courtyard,

I'll distract the security guard.

And I'll distract the guard's dog.

How are you gonna distract the dog?

See, I don't know
if you know this about me,

But I was partially raised by wolves.

That actually explains a lot.

Check it.

Those are my peeps.

Only one more season
until this glorified wallet.

Gives me back my rice.
Now let's go.

Hey, whoa. You're forgetting
the best part of spring break.

Wet t-shirt contest!

- Oh yeah!
- Whoo!

- Yeah!
- Oh yeah!

- Oh. Oh!
- Whoo! Whoo.

- Your turn.
- Oh, okay.

- Here we go.
- Yeah! Oh y...

You win. Let's go.

♪ kickin' it with you! ♪

Oh boy, we got another one.

You know the mall is closed, right?

Uh, yeah. I'm sorry.

I was just trying to find a quiet place.

To try the hottest new celebrity workout.

I told you that the mall is clos...

Did you say "hottest
new celebrity workout"?

Yeah, it combines karate with pilates.

It's called, uh,

Karate-lates.

Karate-lates. Wow.

Do you think you could show me?

Yeah, but not in front of the dog.

It's based on actual dog movements,

And if he sees it...

He'll think you're making fun of him.

Oh, that totally makes sense.

King, take five.

Mommy's going to try
some karate-lates.

Okay, right on.

Oh look at this.

We're gonna sweat.
It's gonna get intense.

- Okay, close your eyes...
- Okay, can do.

- ...And, umm...
- Mm-hmm, closed.

- ...Breathe like a dog.
- Oh, okay.

Yo, what up, dog?

Yeah, you and I, we like the same things...

Chasing cats, chewing on slippers.

And dragging our butts across the carpet.

You know what I'm talking about.

Wow, m*llitary-grade
security lasers.

Okay, now that I did not expect.

k*ll switch is on the other side.

How do we get past this?

Very carefully.

Whoa.

Whoa!

Let's go.

- There it is.
- No no no!

There's weight sensors in the carpet.

- We can't walk on the floor.
- Well, what do we do?

Hey, come on.

How do we get across the office?

I'll carry you across, okay?

You open that safe and get the flash drive.

Let's go.

All right.

Truman has...

...Four brothers.
Okay.

He's claimed to have kissed seven girls.

- Lying.
- What?

And he has three nipples.

- Yes.
- Yes, you did it.

You made that last one up, didn't you?

No. He swims at my y.

Oh. Yes!

Okay, now how do we get down?

That's a very good question.

We've got
the flash drive. Let's go.

Wow. Very nice form.

You're a fast learner.
You feel the burn?

Whoo-wee! I feel it!

Hey, look.

My butt's looking better already.

Karate-lates.

I'm in. Whoo!

Breaking into my father's office?!

You guys are in so much trouble!

We'll take whatever comes, but
we had to help a friend out.

I want that flash drive
and I want it rignow.

All right, all right, we'll give it back.

But first we've got another
video we want you to see.

What are you talking about?

Here you go.

Okay.

Truman's on his way in.

He's about to find out
about the flash drive.

I don't think he's gonna take it too well.

Hey, why is the safe open?

Where's the flash drive?

No!

It's the worst day of my life!

Ah! I'm gonna run away
and never come back!

Yup, I got your whole
crybaby freak-out.

Doesn't feel so good when
it's you, does it, Truman?

If that thing gets out,
my life will be over!

I'll be known as tantrum boy.

Please tell me you won't post that video.

We're not gonna post it.

We're not like you, Truman.

Hey, how about a deal?
We destroy both videos.

And you never mess with us again, deal?

Deal. Just delete it,
pleasplease!

You know I only...
I only melted down like that.

Because I knew the camera was there.

- I was just putting on a show.
- Well, show's over.

When you mess with one of us,

You mess with all of us.

Bye, Truman.

Bye, Eddie.

- Maybe next week we can
go paintball... - Get out.

Eddie, remember what
you just told Truman...

If you're in trouble,
we'll always be there for you.

Got it.

Thanks, guys.

Has anyone seen Jerry?

Last time I saw him,
he was out in the courtyard.

So the thing about me is
that I'm pretty tough,

But I also have a sensitive side.

My perfect date would end with
a moonlit walk on the beach.

What are you doing with my dog?

Oh, I'm just getting to know her.

You know he's a boy, right?

This is really awkward.

It is for all of us.

♪ kickin' it with you! ♪

This summer heat is gonna k*ll me.

Not if I k*ll you first.

When is this thing going to poop out my rice.

She usually does it after the fireworks.

It's a combination of fear and and patriotism.

- We don't need fireworks.
- Oh!

Don't we?

Look at that one.

That one's in the shape of a ball.

Alright, alright, enough.

This is the stupiest thing I've ever...

I believe that.

It's for you.

My rice. I finally have back the most precious thing I ever...

So I guess I'll...

See you at Thanksgiving.