02x20 - New Jack City

[bunniefuu]

Hey, it's almost time,
change the channel.

Reporter: In a surprise turn...

Yo! What are you doing, man?

I was just watching my favorite
cartoon, "Worm With a Perm".

You know what it's about?

A Worm With a Perm?

Oh, you watch it too.

Here we go.

They're about to announce
who's gonna be in the annual,

California Battle Of The Dojos.

Should we go get Rudy?

No, no.

Every year he comes in a disguise

because he can't handle the embarrassment
when our dojo doesn't get in.

Trust me, he's around here somewhere.

Ah.

There he is.

[Sighs]

- Jerry, I don't think that's...
- No, no. Let him go.

[Sighs]

Look, I know you're ashamed, but
we both know how this is gonna end.

So why don't you say we hit the
mats and get our sweat on, eh?

[Yelps]

No disguise this year, Rudy?

Nope. I am a grown man, and I'm going to
accept the fact that my dojo is what it is.

That's great.

You don't need this tournament
to feel good about yourself.

You got plenty to be proud of.

Like what?

Man, I hope we get into this tournament.

Oh, great.

Sensei Ty and some of the
Black Dragons just showed up.

They get into this
tournament every year.

What are you doing here, Ty?
Did you just come here to gloat?

Little bit.

Oh, they're making the
announcement. Turn it up.

Announcer: Our first competitor
in the Battle Of The Dojos...

Is the Black Dragons.

years in a row, people.
That's an even dozen.

Announcer:... is The Master Oh Dojo.

And the final competitor...

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

Announcer: The Bobby Wasabi Dojo!

[Cheering]

Jack, you know what this means? You're
gonna be on TV representing our dojo!

Let's go celebrate, guys. Come on.

- Yeah!
- Let's go!

- We're number one!
- Bobby Wasabi Dojo!

[Chuckles]

Oh, Rudy Rudy Rudy...

Listen, I know you're embarrassed,
but this isn't the answer.

Now let's get this
hideous mask off your face.

[Screams]

[Rock music playing]

- ♪ Don't...
- ♪Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

♪That's just how we do.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

♪Here we go, let's start the party!

♪Chop it up like it's karate.

♪Everybody!

- ♪Don't...
- ♪ Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪ Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

♪That's just how we do.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

Nailed it. Awesome! Just awesome.

Jack, you truly are the wind
beneath this dojo's wings.

Of course everyone
knows that I'm the wings,

which are the most
important part of the bird.

I guess I'm kind of like a feather.

You're not part of the bird at all.

But keep trying.
You're doing great, son.

Yo, Rudy! Guess who's back?

One of the coolest guys ever
to step foot in this dojo.

What? I don't believe it. Carson Hunter?

What are you doing?
Haven't seen you in forever.

- [Overlapping chatter]
- Jack: Hello?

Hello?

[Chatter continues]

Hello?!

Hey, man. I'm Jack.

Jack is like the new version of you.

Jack Brewer. I've heard a lot about you.

Darn right you have.

Jack is a second degree black belt with
a foundation of Tae Kwon Do and Jiujitsu.

And he was voted best
hair in ninth grade.

Oh, come on, dude.

Eighth grade too.

Because of Jack, we just got
into the Battle Of The Dojos.

- Jerry: Yeah, dude.
- So, you used to be a student here, huh?

Carson was actually my first student.

Uh, I was actually
here two weeks before...

I said you're doing great.

Carson was actually the youngest student
in California to earn his black belt.

Oh, man. This place brings
back a lot of memories.

Remember when Rudy threw his back
out in the middle of a horse stance?

- [Laughing]
- Oh, dude, that was sweet.

"I don't care if you're ,
somebody drive me to the hospital".

- [Laughing]
- That's me.

Oh, you guys remember the other day?

He caught his pinky toe in the mat
and was all like, "I broke my piggie".

I think I broke my piggie!"

[Laughs]

Too soon, Jack. Too soon.

So, Carson, how long you staying?

Oh, his dad actually just got
transferred back to Seaford.

He just enrolled in school here,
and he's rejoining the dojo!

[Cheering]

Yeah, that's cool.

Hey, why don't we all go over
to Circus Burger like old times?

That's cool. We... we usually
just go over to Falafel Phil's now.

So Falafel Phil's it is.

- Yeah.
- Kim?

- Woo!
- Come on, let's go.

Come on, Jack. We'll race 'em!

[Grunts]

- Did you just...
- No.

Hey, Jerry!

You remember this?

[Clicks lock rhythmically]

Oh, dude!

That used to be our thing!

[Drumming]

[All playing in rhythm]

[Clanging out of rhythm]

Stop.

You gotta stop.

Way to go, Jack.

We were sounding good, too.

Kim...

I can't go to Rockchella with you.
I gotta practice for the tournament.

Here's my ticket. Bring a friend.

Fine, I'll go without
you, but I won't enjoy it.

Yeah, you will.

I know. I was just trying
to make you feel better.

Oh! Forgot my textbook
with all the numbers in it.

That would be math.

Oh, yeah. That's the one.

♪ It's not as cool
as kickin' it with you!

Pivot on your hip. It'll
give you more torque.

More torque.

What do you mean by torque?

Well, torque's that thing where you...

See, it's when the ratio of the...

Just start torquing!

Hey, Kim. How was Rockchella?

Oh, it was awesome.

Yeah, thanks so much
for the tickets, Jack.

Oh. You guys went...

Together.

Yeah, we were on our feet the whole
night dancing and tearing it up!

And you were dancing...

Together.

Yeah. He is such a great dancer.

He's actually the one who taught me.

So he's the one.

- Check it.
- [Dance b*at playing]

Both: Oh yeah. That's our jam!

All right, guys. I hate to
stop your little dance party,

but I really should
get back to practice.

Jack's right. We should
probably do something...

Anything other than what
you two were just doing.

- Torque.
- Torque.

Torque.

Looking good, Jack.

You're probably the
best man for the job.

What do you mean by "probably"?

I'm the only one at this
dojo that works the Bo Staff.

Actually, I do too. But you know what?

You've already put the work in, so you take
this tournament and I'll take the next one.

No. No no no. If you can use a Bo Staff,
then we should see what you've got.

What are you saying, Jack?

I'm saying this
tournament isn't about me.

It's about finding the best
student to represent this dojo.

So if your old friend here uses
a Bo Staff, then we should spar.

Jack, I don't know if that'd be fair.

I mean, you've been practicing
with a Bo Staff for months.

No no no no. I may be a little
rusty, but I can handle a Bo Staff.

If Jack wants to see what I've got...

- Let's do it.
- Great.

Winner represents the
dojo in the tournament.

Hajamay!

[Grunting]

All: Oh!

Holy Christmas nuts!

Jack lost.

Looks like I'll be
representing the dojo.

Guys, I've been doing
martial arts for years,

and Bo Staffs don't just snap
like that, I mean, he shattered it.

Yeah, he did!

I mean, a dang shame is what it is.

I've just been thinking
about it over and over again.

Something just wasn't right.

Look, Jack, I know you're
embarrassed about losing.

Go on.

Oh, no. That was it.

I know you guys know Carson
better than I do but...

Is it possible that he cheated?

I mean, think about it. He
didn't use one of our Bo Staffs.

Maybe his was, I don't
know, weighted or something?

Weighted Bo Staff?

[High-pitched] Okay.

Come on, Jack.

I know it's hard not being top dog anymore,
but there's no shame in being number two.

[Chuckles]

Number two.

Jack, let me ask you
something, and be honest, okay?

Are you accusing Carson because
I went to the concert with him?

No. No no no. Of course not.

You know what? I'm sure he didn't
cheat. Forget I said anything.

Hey, we should go.
It's time for practice.

- Let's go.
- I'll catch up with you guys.

Hey, Jack.

Spare a baba ghanoush popper?

Be careful with those.
I get them extra spicy.

Black belt, black dragon...
dragons breathe fire.

Check it.

Mmm. You know, Jack. With the...

Wow! My face is on fire!

What do you want, Ty?

I want you, Jack.

I couldn't help but overhear you're
unhappy with the Bobby Wasabis.

We could really use someone with your
skills to represent the Black Dragons.

And unlike Rudy, when it comes to
my students, I am loyal till the end.

Really? Where's your
number one student, Frank?

You are so much better than Frank.

I'm not switching dojos. There's no way
I'd ever fight for the Black Dragons.

Oh, that's too bad. Because
if you fought for us,

you could exact your revenge
on the kid who replaced you.

Restore your reputation,
and most importantly,

our Gis would really make your eyes pop.

I gotta go.

Why did I do that? My teeth are melting!

[Grunts]

Come on, more torque. More torque.

Oh, that's smart.

You want me to use more force
to get a bigger rotation.

Exactly.

I'm gonna go write that down.

[Grunts]

Hey, Jack.

No hard feelings?

I didn't mean to embarrass you
in front of all your friends.

Listen, Carson.

I've been watching you, and you're
good, but you're not that good.

[Chuckles]

Really?

I was good enough to take back
my dojo, my friends, and even Kim.

And all I had to do was
use a weighted Bo Staff.

I knew it. I'm gonna tell
everybody you cheated.

Go ahead. You'll just
look like a sore loser.

[Door opens, closes]

There are my two favorite guys.

The Carsonator, El
Carson Grande, Carsonova!

And Jack.

Rudy, Carson's a cheater.

Yeah, he is.

He's a great big cat, and you
never know when he'll pounce.

[Meows]

No, not a Cheetah, a cheater!

He just admitted he used a weighted
Bo Staff, that's why mine shattered.

This is his. Check it
out. It won't break.

Jack!

Dude! Not cool.

[Stammering] But... but... but he...

Jack, I know you're
taking this hard, but...

Remember true character is
revealed in defeat, not victory.

That's really wise, Rudy.

Did that come to you because
you're spiritually enlightened,

and at one with your chi?

No. I read it on a bathroom
stall by the food court.

Announcer: And the action is heating
up here at the Battle Of The Dojos.

[Grunting]

- Audience: Oh!
- [Cheering]

Look. Dude, look! The cameras are on us!

Milton and Jerry: We're number one!

- Woo!
- Yeah!

Did you buy one of these foam fingers?

Oh, my mom says it's a waste of money
so she helped me make one at home.

No one will ever know the difference.

Bobby Wasabi rules!

Yeah, I think I'm just gonna go buy one.

Yo, hurry, bro. We're up next.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
representing The Bobby Wasabi Dojo...

Carson Hunter!

- Woo! Yeah!
- Woo! Go Carson!

[Cheering]

Carson, this is a
huge tournament for us.

Plus it's televised all over California.

So, once you win, I'll
be playing this music.

[Motivational music playing]

Then you turn to the cameras
and stumble and start crying.

And through your sobs,
you'll yell "Rudy!"

Rudy!"

And then I'll come
running up in slow motion.

Carson...

- Rudy! I gotta go.
- [Music stops]

Oh, that's... that's a good idea.
We'll just do it in the moment.

Keep things fresh.

Guys, I've looked all over
for Jack, but I can't find him.

And he hasn't returned any of my calls.

I'll bet he's just embarrassed.

I'm sure he'll show
up before you know it.

Announcer: Now representing
the Black Dragons...

- Jack Brewer!
- [Cheering]

- All: What?!
- Jack?

What's going on? What are you doing?

What does it look like, Rudy? He's
competing for the Black Dragons.

I've been waiting a long
time to be able to say this.

[Exhales]

I'm gonna need a second. Keep
it together, keep it together.

What I'm trying to... I can't
get it out. I'm gonna lose it.

But it was really
clever, funny, and mean.

Now stretch it out, Jack.

I'm gonna strut around the mat
and check the crowd for honeys.

I don't believe this.

Why would you join the Black Dragons?

Jerry: I know, it's because that
Gi really makes your eyes pop.

Your friend Carson is a cheater, and
none of you believed me, not even Rudy.

Well, if that's the guy you
want in your dojo, I'm out.

But I want a fair fight.

It's personal. It's
between me and Carson.

Announcer: This is a
two round competition.

First round is hand-to-hand.

It will be followed by the Bo Staff.

Let's have a good, clean
fight, obey my commands. And...

Hajamay!

[Grunting]

Go Carson. Oh! Go Jack!

Yes, Carson. You got it. You got it!

- Block!
- Dude! Pick a side, already.

I can't. I love them both so much.

[Grunting]

Judge?

Equipment time out.

Carson, are you...

Wait. What are you doing?

I'm wrapping my hands, Kim.

But what are those?

It's nothing! I'll see
you after the fight.

Jack. Look, you were right about Carson.

He's hiding something in his
wraps. You have to stop the fight.

Kim, I got this.

I can't believe Carson's doing this.

Just do me one favor.

Go kick that cheater's butt.

Hajamay!

[Grunting]

Audience: Oh!

[Grunts]

- Come on. Get up!
- Illegal strike.

Wasabi Dojo, you are disqualified.

No! I don't want to win like this.

- Let's keep going.
- But we had it.

It was a win for the
Black Dragons, right?

I'm not doing this for the Black
Dragons. I'm doing this for me.

Oh, really? A public Gi return? On TV?!

My mother is watching this! [Sobbing]

[Grunting]

[Cheering]

Carson, I don't know what happened to you,
but you are no longer welcome in my dojo.

Rudy, it's not how it looked.

Actually, it's exactly how it looked.

You are a cheating, lowlife, dirty rat.

Any chance you'd be interested
in joining the Black Dragons?

Jack, I should have seen it sooner.

What can I say? I'm sorry.

We all are.

None of us should have doubted you.

Remember when I told
you that true character

is revealed in defeat not victory?

Well, Carson just revealed his
true colors. And so did you.

Is there any way we could convince
you to come back to the dojo?

Look, I only have one
thing to say to you guys.

Wasabi?

All: Wasabi!

Oh! Hey, guys, look. The camera's on us.

Follow my lead. Slo-mo style.

[Motivational music playing]

Okay.

Neither one of us won
the Battle Of The Dojos.

So let's settle this like real men.

Mano "y" mano.

Spicy baba ghanoush eat off.

Just like the gladiators did it.

First one to keep one down wins.

You ready?

Ready.

And...

Go!

- [Whimpers]
- [Gags]

- [Exhales]
- [Coughs]

[Spitting]

Oh... aah!

Champion! I win!

No way! Clearly I was
the winner of that.

- There is no way! There is no way!
- Ask anybody here.