02x38 - I want my mummy

[bunniefuu]

[ding]

It's me, not you,
back from peru.

What, did you buy
all of south america?

No, silly.

Just the shiny stuff.

Ohh.

Whoa! Is that real gold?

Don't touch!

This looks
like a genuine,
pre-columbian

Artifact from the
mezoian american
civilization.

I would
say it dated
circa b.C.

It's really old.

Oh! Ooh!

And I got this
pretty necklace, too.

Is that
a real emerald?

What is this,
slap zack day?

London, you can't just
steal another country's
cultural artifacts.

Daddy didn't steal them.

He bought them from
a guy named dakota smith.

He delivered them
in the middle of the night

And then we left
really, really fast
on a jet.

I barely made it
up the steps.

Well, as long as
they weren't stolen.

And now daddy's
going to display

All the treasures
of the pyramid right
here at the tipton.

Ooh! May I present
the main attraction?

Queen quiqui qumqum.

Aah! The curse
of the mummy!

Ooh!

What curse?

The curse
of queen quiqui!

Anyone who disturbs
her rest

Shall be doomed
forever.

Ah!

Oh, wait. How do
you know so much about this?

Oh. Come here,
come here, come here.

My village
lies in the shadow

Of queen quiqui's
pyramid.

But it looked like no one
had been near there
for a thousand years.

Right. Because as I may
have mentioned before,

It's cursed!

Only a complete idiot
would go there!

Hi.

The only thing
worse than disturbing
queen quiqui's rest

Is if someone stole
her precious emeralds.

Aah! The curse
of the necklace!

Aah!

Boy, they got
a lot of curses.

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Don't you worry,
mr. Smith.

Call me dakota.

Oh. North or south?

Just dakota.

Ok.

Want a signed picture of me

Fighting off a rampaging
rhino with a spork?

Ooh.

Maybe later.

Although I will be away
at a wedding this weekend,

I assure you, your exhibit
will be completely safe.

I have put
my best man in charge.

Skippy!

Ooh, my!

Yes, sir?

This is your best man?

Actually, my best man
is getting married.

My second best man
is out sick,

And my third best man
is the best man

At my first
best man's wedding.

So technically,
he's my fourth best man.

I'm flattered.

Ohh!

Perhaps I shall keep
our most valuable item
locked in my room.

I would.

Take the queen.

Speaking of which,

Here. Have a queen
quiqui hat.

Ooh!

Cool!

Thank you.

It'll go with my
I'm with stupid t-shirt.

Which I should be
wearing right now.

While I am away
I want nothing to happen
to this exhibit.

And by nothing,
keep zack and cody out.

Don't worry, sir.

They won't get by me.

I am
an impenetrable wall.

Hey, skippy.

Yo, skip.

Hey, guys!

Oh, aren't they
the cutest kids?

Show me the mummy!

I will show you the door!

Now, consider this
your first and last warning.

You are not allowed
in this room ever.

But we just want to take
a peek at the mummy.

There will be no mummy
peeking in this room.

That's right because
it's going to be
in dakota smith's room.

Mmm!

Oh, I guess I shouldn't
have told them that, huh?

You think?

Crowd: Send the mummy home!

Send the mummy home!

Send the mummy home!

Hey, lady!

If you want
to protest something,

You should protest that
outfit. It's hideous.

Oh, miss london!

Queen quiqui must go home,

Or she will punish us all.

Esteban,
stop being ridiculous,

And take off
that silly hat.

This is my hat of protection.

The garlic keeps away
the dead.

It does a good job
on the living, too.

Oh! Oh, poor maddie.

The evil protestors
trampled you, too.

Look what they did
to your hair.

They didn't touch my hair.

Oh. Never mind.

Anyway, I completely
agree with them.

Queen quiqui must go home.

Oh, maddie, you, too,
believe this wrong
should be righted.

Yes. I just met the ambassador
from qumqum outside.

And he's very upset.

Pepe's out there?

He's the one
in the garlic pants.

He owes me $ .

London, everything
should go back to qumqum,

Including that necklace.

It's a priceless
cultural artifact.

A precious remnant of
a once great civilization.

Yeah, but it goes
great with my new boots.

It's just not fair.

Moseby won't let us in

To see them
set up the exhibit

Because he's afraid
we'll break something.

Well, you did
break the chandelier
in the ballroom

And the vent
in the lounge

And that statue
in the atrium and...

What's your point?

Boys, once
the exhibit is open,

You can
go see it just
like everybody else.

It costs . per person.

Or you can read all
about it in the papers.

Ohh.

Esteban, get in here.

But I'm afraid
to see the mummy.

Uhh!

The mummy isn't
down here.

Now, open your eyes.

Aah!

Would you relax?

It's just
my old dolly holly.

Well, they should've
called her scary mary.

Ok. So...

How is holly the dolly
going to help us

The mummy back home?

We just have
to wrap her up in this,

Put her in a crate
to get her by skippy,

Then switch her
with the real mummy,

Which we'll
bring down here

And deliver
to ambassador pepe.

He's going
back to qumqum for
the iguana festival.

He is?

Oh, I can't believe
I missed it again.

I love the running
of the iguanas.

The running
of the iguanas?

We used to have the running
of the chameleons,

But no one can
ever see them.

Help me focus here!

Oh, right, right.

We must return
queen quiqui back home

Before we are cursed.

By the way,

What exactly does
this curse do to you?

Well, let's just say
you spend your life

In agonizing toil
and poverty.

I got that now.

And your skin melts off,

Your eyes explode,
and your hair bursts
into flames.

Ooh.

Oh, that would so
put a damper on prom.

Ok.

Hurry up.

Ok, ok.

Zack, I don't know.

Don't worry.
Dakota's downstairs
dusting his pyramid.

Come on.

How did you get
that pass key?

I just asked
skippy for his.

He'll give you anything
if you ask for it.

I even got his wallet.

There she is!

Wow! That is so cool!

Nice to meet you,
queen quiqui!

Stop! Don't touch.

She mighty fall
to pieces.

Yeah, I do have
that effect on women.

Yeah, when you're not
wearing deodorant.

Oh, yeah? If you're
such a lady's man,

Why don't you go
give her a kiss?

Quit pushing!

Why, are you
going to cry?

Ooh!

Lucky for us she landed
on that awning.

Oh!

[grunting]

Let's go!

Ahh!

It's dakota!

Hide!

Uhh!

What are we
going to do?

[chuckles]

Don't worry.

I've got a plan.

No.

You're thinking
you don'you'll wrap me up
what I in that gauze,

Then put me
in a sarcophagus,

Then switch uset
out later.Ummy,

Ok, so you do know
what I'm thinking.

But I mean, if both
of us thought of it,

It can't be
that bad of a plan.

Yes, it can.

It can be
a terrible plan.

It can be
the worst plan in
the history of plans.

Ok, then think
of another plan

And while you're
thinking, hold this.

Uhh!

Stupid key.

Where's that housekeeper?

Ooh, not so tight.

I can barely move.

You're dead. You're not
supposed to move. Now mute.

Zack, I have a bad
feeling about this.

Come on.
What could go wrong?

I have to go potty.

I'll be right back.

There's nothing
to worry about.

Now get in the coffin.

Never mind.

Ok. Let's get this mummy
down to the exhibit.

So...

Want a signed
picture of me

Putting a giraffe
in a headlock?

Great.

Now I have to pay .
just to see my brother.

[ding]

There you are!

Oh! Whatcha doing?

Look, cody is posing
as the mummy

Here and switch him
with the real one.

Where's the real one?

Aah!

Shh!

[muffled scream]

I just need your help
getting past skippy.

Oh, that'll be easy.

That guy is d-u-m-m.

Dumb.

Yeah, but moseby gave him
specific instructions

Not to let me or cody
into the ballroom.

Ohh!

So you need someone
who has more power
than moseby.

Yeah.

Who you going to ask?

♪ take one down,
pass it around ♪

♪ one bottle of pop
on the wall ♪

Where the heck
is zack?

[yawns]

I am so ready for bed.

Although this
is pretty darn cozy.

I could see sleeping in here
for a couple thousand years.

[yawns]

[snoring]

Hey, maddie.
Hey, esteban.

Both: Hey, skippy!

Oh, I can't let you in.

You might be the twins
in disguise.

Or we might be
maddie and esteban

Delivering
an artifact that was
left in the basement.

Ohh. What is it?

It's, uh...

Earring!

It was the era
of big ears.

It was right
after big noses,

Just before big feet.

Well, ok.

But I have
to come with you.

No, you can't!

Why not?

Because!

There's an emergency
we forgot to tell you about.

What is it?

Tell him, maddie.

The protestors...

Are tunneling under
the ballroom as we speak

To steal the exhibit!

Ooh! What do I do?

You need to go to the...

Kitchen...

And get all the...

Pudding you can carry!

Well, why?

Yes.

Why?

So the protestors can't
escape out of their hole.

That makes sense.

It does?

I mean, sure it does.

Ok. Quick, work, go!

Come on! Let's
make the switch!

The sooner,
the better.

My garlic
is losing its potency.

No, it's not.

Come on!

Ok, ok.

[snoring]

Do you hear snoring?

No. Now, com!

We're out of pudding,

But we got a whole mess
of coleslaw!

Hey, skippy!

I need you to do me
a big favor.

Well, we're all
out of pudding.

And that's what I want!

So go buy some!

But I-I-I-I'm
supposed to be
standing guard.

Do you know what
happened to the last
tipton employee

Who refused to help me,
london tipton?

No.

Let's just say,

All that was left of him
was his nametag

And a tiny pile of pudding.

Ok. I-I-I-I'll get
your pudding faster

Than you can
say butterscotch.

But say it real slow.

Buuutteeerrr...

Scooootch.

Can we just go in now?

Shh! Come on!

We're here for you, cody.

He probably can't hear us
through all the gauze.

Help me carry cody.

Uh!

Wow. Lighter than I thought.

Sorry, buddy.

That's odd.

Aaaah!

That's not cody.

It's the curse
of the mummy.

It turned cody
into a giant doll!

With one eye
and really bad split ends.

Gotta load the queen
on a truck and in a few hours

She'll be on a plane
heading back to qumqum.

Oh, no. You cannot
get there by plane.

From the dock, we have
to take a train,

A bus, and
a number donkey.

Just watch the mummy.

I'll go wait
for ambassador pepe.

Ok.

Ahh.

Don't worry, your highness.

Soon you'll be back with
your dead and decaying friends.

[yawn]

Did you say
something, mummy?

Ahh.

[no audio]

Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-
muh-maddie!

What is it?

M-m-m-m-m-m-mummy!

Yes! It's a mummy.

What's wrong?

I-I-I-I-I-it's alive!

No, it is not.
It's dead. See?

Dead, dead, dead!

Right!

Dead, dead, dead.

Ow!

Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-
muh-maddie!

What is it now?!

The mummy is moving!

Oh, don't be ridiculous!

Just a sec.
For the last time,

Mummies do not
come back to life!

I said just a second!

Run!

[screaming]

What kind of curse turns
someone into a doll?

The mummy dolly
cursy thingie.

Oh, yeah.
That's real scary.

Oh, no. Here comes
the mummy dolly.

She's going to make me
play tea party of doom.

Well, then how do you explain

The hideous thing
that happened to cody?

You know,

As a mother, there's a few
things I don't want to hear.

And one of them is
"explain this hideous thing

That happened to cody!"

It's simple.

He's been cursed.

And now he's
a dolly mummy.

But deep down,
he's still your son.

The real story is?

Well, you wouldn't
pay for us to see
the real mummy,

So we snuck
into see it,

But cody made it
fall out the window,

So I wrapped him up
in gauze and some
men took him away.

I liked your story better.

Yay! My story!

Ok, guys,

I want to know what's
really going on,

And I don't want to hear
anything about a curse.

There's no such
thing as curses.

Run!

The rse
of queen quiqui!

Maddie, now, don't
tell me you believe
in this nonsense, too.

No. I believe
in that nonsense.

[grunting]

Oh, it's--

Mad! Ohh!

I'll protect you!

[grunting]

What are you doing?!

I said my room
is out of toilet paper!

Thank you.

Give me that hat!

Aah!
No!

He won't hurt you!

Not if I have
the hat! Aah!

Whoa!
Oh, no.

Don't unwrap it.

Who knows what it looks like
after thousands of years.

Aah! It's hideous!

Come here, honey.
Are you ok?

Swell. Just a little dizzy.

Welcome back, buddy.

Welcome back?

You left me wrapped up
for hours.

Where have you been?

I thought you were
coming right back to get me.

Well, we did,

But the mummy
was just a doll
wrapped in gauze.

It was a total fake.

How did you
find out the mummy
was a fake?

It's a fake?

No.

Liar, liar,
cargo pants on fire!

This necklace
is probably plastic.

Here, maddie.
You can have it.

Actually,
the necklace
is real emeralds.

Thanks for holding
it for me, maddie.

If the artifacts are real,

Why would you want
to have a fake mummy?

Because I couldn't find
the real one.

I spent years
in the jungle

Living on beetles
and bat's blood.

All: Ew!

I found all these
beautiful treasures,

But nobody cares
about them

If I don't have some
stupid mummy.

It's all
about the mummy.

Mummy, mummy, mummy!

I think he has
mummy issues.

Wait. So let me
get this straight.

I risked my life
climbing out on an awning

To get a fake mummy?

You climbed out
on an awning?

No.

Well, now the whole
exhibit is ruined.

Well, that's what you get
for trying to make money

Off of another
culture's treasures.

It wasn't
about the money.

You are selling
queen quiqui bubble-heads.

Kids love them.

Ok. There's a truck
waiting outside.

All in favor of returning
queen quiqui's treasures

To her pyramid
raise your hands.

Ohh.

Good. Now let's get
cody unwrapped

Because he really
has to go.

Not anymore.

This gauze is
really absorbent.

Hey, mr. Moseby.

Welcome back.

How was your
friend's wedding?

Great. They loved all
the pudding I brought.

That explains so much.

So, how did things go
during my absence?

Oh, great. Excellent.

No problem whatsoever.

Really?

Ok.

You broke me down.

Oh, I'm in powerful trouble.

The mummy was a fake!

Then what are all these
people in line to see?

Mr. Tipton's
greatest treasure.

Hi.

Bye!

Hi!

Bye!

Don't touch me.

I'm priceless.

Hi!

Bye!

Hi!

Bye!

Hi!

Bye!

Hi!

Bye!

Hi!

Good-bye!