01x17 - Rock Star in the House

[bunniefuu]

[All screaming]

Get, get, get, get!

Please,
remove these two

and check behind
the couches for more.

Ah-choo!

I think that bag
has a cold.

Out!

And take your matching
duffle friend with you.

What are all these girls
here for?

We happen to have
a very famous rock star

checking in this afternoon.

It's so silly how insane women
get when it comes to musicians.

Who is it?
That McCartney fellow.

Paul McCartney?

I love Paul McCartney!

Who's he?

Not Paul McCartney,
jessie McCartney.

Who's he?

I can't believe all these girls are
screaming for jessie McCartney.

It's so lame.

And delusional.

They all think they have
a sh*t with jessie,

when clearly,

he and I
are meant to be.

Do you know where the
manager's office is?

Mmm. Over there.
Thanks.

Wasn't that
jessie McCartney?

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me
got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

... ... ...

Incoming!

[Laughs]

Hey, Cody!

You're just in time to
test out my new invention.

I call it
the catapult toaster.

See, now you can sit
at the table and relax

and let the toast
come...

To you.

Listen, arwin,
I was wondering

if I could use some
of your tools.

I'm entered in Boston's
junior science contest,

and my project
still needs a lot of work.

Sure, sure.
What are you making?

It's gonna be a laser.

Aw, cool! Heh heh.

You know, I entered a science
contest at my school once.

Yeah? Did you win?
Well, I--I would've,

but, you know, you--

one lousy expl*si*n
and they ban you for life.

Heh heh.

That gym needed
a pool anyway.

I'm sure you'll do better
with your project.

I better.

I've just gotta win
this science award.

Then I can get into m.I.T.

And invent a nanobot
that eats oil spills

and be able
to retire comfortably

while taking care
of my aging mother

and paying my brother's
bail money.

Zack's in jail?

Not yet.
Oh.

Well, if you need
any help, ahh,

I'm right here.

After all, I am a, uh,

professional inventor.

Ahem.

Buttered toast?

Ok, I really need a picture of jessie
McCartney for my school newspaper.

Don't worry. I'll get us in
there to see him rehearse.

After all, he's a
celebrity, I'm a celebrity.

We're first celebrities,
once removed.

You go in there
and you'll be removed.

My father won't stand
for this.

Actually, I just received
a fax from your father

asking that you
be kept away

from all celebrity guests
staying at the hotel.

He doesn't want a repeat
of the Orlando bloom incident.

Just tell daddy it's
different this time.

Uh-huh.
"Different this time..."

Ah, here we are.

Ahem.
"It's not different.

"You are clearly obsessed with
[Insert celebrity name here]

"And if you continue to harass
[Insert celebrity name here],

you will be sent to [Insert
boarding school name here]."

That's it. If he doesn't
let me see jessie--

I've got "run away," "scream
at the top of my lungs,"

or "hold my breath
until I turn blue."

Which will it be?

Do you always have to do everything
that daddy tells you to?

Of course I do...

Until such time that your
father tells me I don't.

I have to get in there
to meet my future husband.

[Sighs] Ok, but we're not gonna
do anything stupid, right?

No!
Ok.

I feel so stupid!

Check, check.
, , .

[Squealing]
It's him, it's him!

[Gruff voice] He's real excited
about the soup of the day.

Would you calm down?

He's just a regular guy
like you and me...

♪ Whoa-oa-oa ♪

♪ hey-ey... ♪

With the voice
of an angel.

Hey!

Don't get
any funny ideas.

Jessie is mine.
Excuse me.

Ohh! He's gesturing
to me!

I think he wants
to propose.

He's pointing
at the water, dingbat.

He thinks
you're a waiter.

Why would he think that?

Oh, right.

Thanks, man.

[Gasps]

He called me "man"!

We are so meant
to be.

, , , ...

♪ Hey ♪

♪ I don't want
another pretty face ♪

♪ I don't want
just anyone to hold ♪

♪ I don't want
my love to go to waste ♪

♪ I want you,
and you're beautiful ♪

♪ so ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ I know that you ♪

♪ are something special ♪

♪ and to you I'll be ♪

♪ always faithful ♪

♪ I want to be ♪

♪ what you always needed ♪

♪ and I hope you see ♪

♪ the heart in me ♪

♪ 'cause I don't want
another pretty face ♪

♪ I don't want
just anyone to hold ♪

♪ I don't want
my love to go to waste ♪

♪ I want you,
and you're beautiful ♪

♪ so you're the one
I wanna chase ♪

♪ you're the one
I wanna hold ♪

♪ I won't let another minute
go to waste ♪

♪ I want you,
and you're beautiful ♪

♪ so ♪

♪ yeah ♪

Aah!
Aah!

[Gruff voice]
Great set, man.

Try the soup.

Ah, is everything ok
in here?

No screaming girls?

Heh heh. No, but there were a
couple of screaming waiters.

So if I just connect
the blue wire

to the red wire...

[High-pitched]
Ohh...Nnn...Ahh!

What's the matter?

What? Nothing.
Nothing, nothing.

No, you do it
your way, your way.

Connect whatever wires
you want,

the red to the blue
or the yellow to the blue.

I'd do the yellow to the
blue, but that's just me.

You need to follow your heart.
Yellow to blue.

Arwin, I told you I'm supposed
to do this project myself.

If I get help from someone
else, it's cheating.

I know, I know, I know. I promise
I won't say anything else.

My lips are sealed.
Heh heh.

Do you want me
to actually seal them?

Because I can.

Hey, guys.

Hey! Heh heh. Carey.

How you doin'?

Ohh!

Arwin!
Yeah.

Are you ok?

Wow. Ha ha! Uh...

Smooth.

It's ok, arwin. I just came down
to tell Cody it's time for lunch.

Ok. Let me just
test it out once.

Uh-oh!

[Coughs] Oh, no!

It's ruined!

I'll never win
the science award now!

Honey, it's ok.
You still have time.

[Coughs] Maybe you should try
something a little simpler.

Like--like that volcano
we talked about?

Like a stupid volcano
is going to win.

Mine did get honorable mention in
the mini madam curie competition.

Those were simpler times.

You were
a science geek?

The point is, it doesn't
matter if you win.

All that matters
is you do your best.

Well, my best isn't going
to win me a nobel prize,

pay for
your nursing home,

or get Zack out of jail.

Zack's in jail?

Not yet.
Not yet.

[Screaming]

[Gasps]

What are you doing here?!
What are you doing here?!

Keep quiet. The maid's
in the bathroom.

You're trying to steal
jessie from me.

Oh, puh-lease.

I'm here for purely
journalistic purposes.

Then why are you
hugging his bathrobe?

I collect plaid.

[Exhales]
[Exhales]

She's gone.

Good, now give me
my husband's bathrobe.

No, it's mine!

No!
No!

No! I want it!

[Rip] [Gasps] [Gasps]

Now look what you did!

I'll take that.
What are you doing here?!

Are you in love
with jessie, too?

No.

I'm selling this stuff
on the street.

One girl gave me bucks for a
tissue he spit his gum into.

There's big money
in obsession.

You should be ashamed
of yourself!

Yeah. I mean, sneaking
into someone's room,

invading their privacy,

going through
their personal belongings.

Oh, he's a boxer guy!

Darn it! The maid got
all the dirty towels.

Now I'll have to start
from scratch.

What are you doing?

There. Now it's been used
by jessie McCartney.

I'll give you bucks
for it!

London, you just saw
Zack dirty it himself.

Fine. !

Jessie: Hey, guys,
how's it goin'?

Security guard: Pretty good, Mr.
McCartney.

Oh, it's him,
it's him, it's him!

How do I look?

Penniless and your hair
is messed up.

Mr. moseby: I told you
we have vigilant security.

No one is getting
into this room,

not even a mouse.

Rats! It's moseby!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

I am terribly sorry
about all the unruly fans.

I've ordered a s.W.A.T.
Team for this evening.

No biggie. You kind of get
used to it, you know?

You'd be surprised what some
of these fans would do.

Excuse me, there don't
seem to be any towels.

Oh! I'm terribly sorry,
once again. Heh heh heh.

I'll get them myself.

Thanks. You can just leave
'em by the bathroom door.

As you wish.

[Thunk] Oyy!

Where are you going?

Don't you think it'll make
a cute story for the press

when they found out jessie and I
first met while he was flossing?

I think it'll make a cute story
for the police. Come on!

Nothing.

This stupid laser
will never work.

I wish I could fix it just so
I could use it to destroy it.

I like the way
your mind works.

All you have to do is make
some minor adjustments

and you'll win hands down.

Ok. Let's see.

The copper chloride
is supposed to be heated here

by connecting
the power source

to the red wire.

Blue! [Coughs]

I mean, the blue wire?

So the discharge tube
couples the laser medium

with the optical cavity!

[Coughs] Not quite.
Acch!

You forgot [Coughing]
The buffer gas!

That means
I have to weld it.

Which means I have to use
this dangerous welding torch...

Designed for adults.

Maybe I, an adult,

should help you,
a child.

I think that
would be acceptable.

Whoo!

I am gonna
win this prize.

You mean I'm gonna
win that prize.

Exactly,
'cause I deserve it.

This should bring in
a nice chunk of change.

That's jessie's
lucky bracelet.

How do you know so much
about my fianc?

I'm a journalist.
I do my research.

He never performs
without it.

We have to take it back,

otherwise he could freeze up
in the middle of his concert,

and we'd be responsible
for ruining his career!

He doesn't need
a career.

We'll survive on love...

And daddy's money.

Fine. I'll just give him
the bracelet back

and tell him I found it.

Then I'll ask for
his pants as a reward.

So your plan is to tell him
you found his lucky bracelet

in the closed drawer
of his bedside table.

[Gasps]

Good plan!

Bad plan!

If moseby finds out,
we'll all be in trouble,

and Zack could end up
in jail.

Funny, that's what Cody
always says.

Carey: Wow.

This is really
elaborate,

especially
for one day's work.

Thanks. Heh heh.

I mean, you must be really
proud of Cody's invention.

I mean, finally his talent's being
recognized after all these years.

He's .

Well...

And now our finalists will
demonstrate their projects.

Barbara brownstein

and the science
of volcanoes.

Um, it's supposed
to bubble up

and produce ash.

Ok. I feel better
now.

Judge: Sheldon Walters.

My invention
is called m.E.C.,

which stands for
"my energy converter."

You put garbage
in this end...

[Whirring and rattling]

[Beep]

And then it turns
into energy.

Are you sure
this is going to work?

Of course I'm sure! I--
we--you built it, didn't I?

We--you!

Our next participant
is Mr. Cody Martin,

who will demonstrate
his laser.

Thank you.

I'm going to use
this laser

to cut a square

out of that sheet
of metal.

Lights, please!

Oops. I--

ladies and gentlemen...

My volcano!

He looks so adorable
when he's asleep.

Like an angel.

[Snores]

He even snores
beautifully.

Let's focus, people.
We'll put the bracelet back,

get a couple of shirts,
and we're gone. Ok.

It's stuck!

[Groans]

♪ Hush,
little rock star ♪

♪ stay where you are ♪

♪ London's gonna
buy you a shiny car ♪

Mmm...

Ahh...
London: Ahh...

Maddie: London,
give us a hand, would you?

London.

[Gasps]

What are you doing?!

I think this is gonna be
our Christmas-hanukkah card.

Hey, get away
from my boyfriend!

I can't move!

Ohh...

A likely story.

It's not a story.
It's the truth.

But while I'm here,
can you take a picture of us?

No! Zack, take a picture of us!

I'm kind of busy
here!

Aah!

What's going on?

Hi. You don't know me,

but we're gonna be married.

Security!
Run!

Hey--hey, let me go!

Throw him out
of here, fellas.

Hey, wait a minute,
I was only in here

trying to return
your lucky bracelet!

Return?
Don't you mean steal?

No, you see, I stole it when
you were in the bathroom

and moseby went
to get you towels.

And, by the way,

while we're confessing,

I stole those, too.

How many times
you been in here?

A couple.

Well, at least I wasn't
pawing through your drawers

like my wacky friends.

You hang out
with those girls?

What are they, like,
years older than you?

.
Impressive, dude.

You can let him
down, guys.

So, are girls always
after you like this?

Yeah. It gets
kind of weird.

Really?
No.

No, you know,
fame's pretty cool.

It just comes
at a price.

Speaking of price, are you
finished with that pillow case?

Sorry. You were saying?

No, it's just sometimes I feel like
I don't get to do regular stuff,

you know, sh**t hoops,
play video games.

If you like video games,
come back to my place

and I'll crush you like
the pretty boy that you are.

You're on.

And that's
Mr. pretty boy to you.

We are so going
to win.

Whatever happens, Cody,

I am very proud of you,

mostly because you did this
all by yourself.

Right, arwin?

Yes!

And our winner is...

Cody Martin!

Yes! Ha ha!

I'd like to thank the judges
for awarding me this prize.

I'd also like to thank
my friend arwin

for letting me
use his office.

I'd also like
to thank my mother

for being so supportive

and not being judgmental

and loving me,

even though I lied to her

and I don't deserve
this prize!

I cheated.

I had an adult's help.

Well, arwin's help.

He really deserves
this trophy.

Uh, I...

Wow!

Thank you!

Thank you!

It is so nice
to be recognized

by the scientific
community.

In your face, Sheldon!
Ha ha ha!

Nice volcano, Barbara.

Dormant. Ha ha ha!

Judge:
Excuse me, sir,

this competition is
for children and under.

How old are you?

Uh...[High-pitched] ?

[Sighs] All right.

And / .

You are disqualified!
No, please, don't!

[Crying] Ohh!

Our new winner is...

Sheldon Walters.

Cody, I am so proud of you
for doing the right thing.

How do you feel?

Better than arwin.

I'm fine.

[Sobbing]

It was
a beautiful volcano.

Uhh! Man, you're
really good at this.

Don't feel bad, dude.

We all have to
get old sometime.

[Knock on door]
Maddie: Jessie?

Just tell me your favorite
color for my article!

I'm gonna say blue.
Is that ok?

Look, I don't care what
your favorite color is.

I just wanna
marry you.

It's not brown,
is it?