03x20 - Doin' Time in Suite 2330

[bunniefuu]

I am so steamed right now,
that if I were I a mirror,

you couldn't see yourself.

Zack, what were you thinking?

Well, you see--
I don't want to hear it!

Cody, what was going
through your mind?

It's just that..
Zip it, mister!

We didn't mean
to ruin the wedding.

It's just that
we saw they had

those mini hot dogs
we love,

and I'm weak.
I need help.

And they had
the kinds of mustard.

The jalapeño dijon
was fabulous.

Really? I thought
it was too spicy.

Why are you afraid of flavor?
I'm not afraid of flavour...

Guys!

I don't care about
the dang sipping sauces!

I care that
you crashed a wedding!

It's not like
anyone got hurt.

I beg to differ!

I don't know
what hurt more,

this little bride that
jabbed me in the kidneys,

or the real one who
kicked me in the shins.

I hope you had your fun,

because your life
is going to fun-free

for the rest
of the week.

You're grounded.

Might I suggest years on an island
with giant boy-eating birds?

You might!

Odd, but you might.

Boys, go to your room.

Both: Yes, ma'am.

Mr. moseby, sit down.
I'll clean you off.

Mm-hmm.

Ow!

Here comes
the groom.

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have
a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me,
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Prisoners and ,
I'm leaving!

[Faint electronic music]

Are you guys playing
video games in there?

Both: No.

Ok, well,
I'm going now!

Bye!

[Softer voice]
Love you.

Both: Love you.

[Electronic music and beeping]
Aha!

Put those games down.
Get out here.

Ok, apparently, your room
is too much fun.

From now on, you're grounded
in the living room.

Ok.
[Chuckles]

[g*nshots on tv]
And no tv.

Aw, man.

Zack, we don't need
television and video games

to entertain ourselves.

And no baking.

Aw, man!

You heard mom.

Why don't we
just sit here

and think about
what we have done?

[Electronic music playing]

Next time
you try to limbo

underneath
a wedding cake,

maybe
you'll think twice.

Cody! Come on.

We have to get ready
for the next fabulous episode

of the webshow that's
sweeping the nation

yay me!
Starring London tipton!

They can't go.
They're being punished.

Well, I need Cody
to produce

yay me!
Starring...

Stop that!

So, Cody, you're
officially unpunished.

London, you can't do that.
He's my son.

Oh.
I get it, I get it.

How much
do you want for him?

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Buy me, too!

Okie-dokie.
I'll take 'em both.

But I want a deal
on the second one.

That's ridiculous,
London.

[Belches]

We talking cash?

No!

No, I'm not selling
my sons.

Oh, fine!
I'll rent 'em! I'll...

Mom, I have to be there
to produce London's show.

We're up
for an Internet award.

A golden nettie.

What is it? A statue
of a guy in his undershirt

in front of
the computer?

Maybe.

Anyway, I've got
a great idea to win it.

I noticed the cheetah girls
checking in

as the bridesmaids were
chasing us through the lobby.

How... how did I miss
the cheetah girls?

You were being tackled
by the flower girl.

You know for a -year-old,
she was tough.

She had a mean left hook!

Anyway, to be named
producer of the year,

I have to produce.

See the connection?

Why don't you connect
your butts to those chairs?

Going out now.

And I've informed
the hotel staff

to be
on the lookout.

So if either of you
leave this room,

I will know.

We so need
to get her a hobby.

It's spelled m-a-d-d-I-e.

Although
for legal purposes,

it really should be
Madeline.

M-a-d-e..
Stop.

I didn't really
put you in my will.

But on the phone,
you said that...

I lied.

Look, I just needed a way
to get you up here.

What's wrong with "maddie,
can you come up here"?

Oh, yeah...
Sorry.

Anyway, I'm putting you
in charge my show...

Yay me!

Starring London tipton!

I thought Cody
was your producer.

[Sighs] He got grounded
by his producer.

So would you produce

yay me!

Starring London...

Stop that!

You know, if you produce
a great segment,

you could win
the golden nettie.

Ooh.

That would look good
on my college applications.

You know what's
gonna look good

on my college applications?

A check for the new libary.

Ok, to win that award,
we're gonna need someone famous.

Someone huge. Someone no one
has ever gotten before.

[Gasps] I know! Bigfoot.

London. Bigfoot is a legend.

That's why he'd make
such a great guest.

No, no, no. I mean,
he's a mythical creature.

A figment of the imagination.

A biological impossibility.

Just buy him a huge pair
of Italian loafers.

He'll do it.

What are you doing?

You can make your toes
look like little tiny people.

This one's name is pinky,

and this one's name
is Mr. zimmelman.

Yeah? Well,
maybe Mr. zimmelman

can find a way for me
to get the cheetah girls

without leaving the suite,

which is
a grounding violation.

You sicken me.

And Mr. z.

Can't leave the suite.

What a joke.

Oh! I wonder
what'll happen

if I do this?

Whoa!
Nothing happened.

I'm in. I'm out.
I'm in. I'm out.

Now my right arm's in,

and now
my right arm's out.

If you hokey pokey,
I'm gonna slap you all about.

Come on, Cody. Take a risk.

One that doesn't involve
using a new brand

[high voice]
Of fabric softener.

Good point.

So I hear Chris brown is
staying on this floor.

If you tell me
what room he's in,

I'll give you bucks.

I'm in this room.

Thanks.

Um, can I have
some soap?

Uh, here you go.

Thanks.
Keep the change.

You're..

You're..
You're..

Feeling a draft.
I'm gonna go inside.

Oh! Oh! Wait! Wait!
I'm producing a webshow

called yay me!
Starring London tipton.

We'd be honored
to have you as a guest.

Yay me!
I love that show.

Starring London tipton!

Don't tell anybody
I did that.

I won't.

Appreciate that.
Ok.

[Giggling]

Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

That was odd.

I have to get
to the cheetah girls' suite

before we get spotted.

Oh, relax.
There is no one here

who is going
to rat us out to mom.

Mr. moseby:
Right this way, ladies.

Except the big rat
himself!

Now if you'll just follow me.
Heh heh.

Ladies, I must say,

thank you so much for signing
those autographs for my niece.

Oh, no problem.

And tell little Marion
we said hi.

I will.

And I must say
it is such an honor

having the cheetah girls
here at the tipton.

[Roars]
[Cheetah girls murmur]

Ok.

Yeah, that was just me
being a cheetah guy.

Maybe we could do
the dance thing.

No, no, no.

I'll just open the door then.

There you are.

Thank you, Mr. moseby.
Uh-huh.

I liked your cheetah.

Oh?

Yes!

Now that
was odd.

No, that was
downright scary.

This is great.

All I have to do
is get them on London's show

and that golden nettie is mine.

Kiely: Who's there?

[Trills] Room service.

Yo, who ordered
blonde boys?

Hmm. I thought
I ordered nachos.

Well, feel free to cover
me in cheese sauce.

They do look
cute enough to eat.

Hi, I'm Cody Martin,

executive producer
of yay me!

Starring London tipton.

Oh, I love that show!

You're the goofy kid
London makes do silly stuff.

[Cheetah girls laughing]

I'm his brother.
I'm his brother.

Anyway,

how would
you ladies feel

about making a guest appearance
on the show?

Sounds good to me.

Great. Show up at
the penthouse suite

tomorrow at : .

We'll be there,
tiny dancer.

Mwah.

Kiely: Bye.

That golden nettie
is in the bag!

London, I have great news
about the show.

Oh! Me, too! Maddie's
taking your place

till you get out
of the joint.

She got Chris brown
to be a guest.

She did?
Yep!

She's a much better
producer than you.

No, she's not!

I got...
Fired.

You can kiss that
golden nettie good-bye.

What about the cheetah girls?

Well, if London
doesn't want 'em,

I'll take 'em.

London, have you seen
Chris brown?

I can't find him
anywhere.

He's in the green room.

You know, where all the
guests wait before the show?

I know what it is. I just
didn't know we had one.

Where is it?

Oh.

Can I come on yet?

Oh! So sorry
about that.

Can I offer you
a refreshment?

Oh, no, I'm good. There was a
cheese plate by the shoes.

Great.

Just make yourself
comfortable.

Do you know
what questions

you're going to ask? Yes.

Maddie, why are you so happy
even though you're poor?

Not for me,
for our guest!

Money doesn't buy
happiness, ok.

Yes, it does. Here.

See?

I was wrong.

Boys, you sure
you don't want any

of cheap Charlie's pretzels?

What happened, mom?

They didn't have
the large size?

Couldn't fit it in the trunk.

I've got to get
my job back.

When is mom
going to leave?

Ah, don't worry.
I'll handle it.

Hey, mom.

When you going to leave?

Be-be-because...

We didn't want you to
be late for rehearsal.

Oh, honey, that's sweet.
But I canceled rehearsal

because I wanted to spend
the day home with you guys.

You don't trust us.

Not since
you started walking.

[Whispering]
What am I going to do?

Hey, Cody.
Why don't weinvent

something to do
in our room?

What?

No electronic stuff.

Oh, don't worry, mom.

We'll invent
something to do.

Oh!

Right.

Invent.
In our room.

I love
to invent.

Uhh!

Think mom's going to
realize we snuck out?

Ah, don't worry.

I put the recording we made
on an endless loop.

Excellent.

Cody on recording:
Zack, do you have any s?

Zack on recording:
Nope. Go fish.

Do you have any s?

Nope. Go fish.

Do you have any jokers?

Oh! All right,
take them out,

and let's start over.

Zack, do you have any s?

Nope. Go fish.

You have any s?

♪ London tipton's
really great ♪

♪ really great,
really great ♪

♪ London tipton's
really great ♪

♪ and deserves
the opposite of hate ♪

Which is love!

Welcome to yay me!

Starring London tipton!

[Applause on recording]

With special
guest producer

Madeline Margaret Genevieve
Miranda Catherine Fitzpatrick.

[Applauseon recording]

Um, hello.
This is yay me!

Not yay, all you guys.

Please welcome my first
guest: Chris brown!

[Applauseon recording]

Hi, Chris!Welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me.

[Applause
on recording]

Oh, stop.
What a great audience.

So, do you enjoy living
in the vast forests

of the great northwest?

I live in a loft
in New York.

Interesting.Interesting.

Do you have trouble
finding shoes

with such big feet?

I only wear size .

London, those are
the questions for bigfoot.

Bigfoot on the show?

Oh, no, no, no.
No.

We devoted the entire show
just to you.

Hi! We're here to be
the guests on the show.

London! You booked
the cheetah girls

and didn't tell me?
[Gasps]

I guess I didn't
tell me either.

So sorry we're late.

Someone got
a press-on fingernail

caught in her extension.

It happens, ok?

Cheetah girls.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh!

You're Chris brown!

Ow! I am so...

Help me, please.
Oh!

Please. Please.
Ow! Ow!

You know, it's funny.

We've been crawling
around these vents

for years
without any problems.

And these things are
only meant to carry air.

And we're bigger
than we used to be.

And if you think
about it,

it's amazing that
these things

can still hold us up.

Well, chalk it up to
good 'ol American craftsmanship.

[Metal groans]

Uh-oh.

I'm sure the blonde kid
did book you,

but he's not here
right now, is he?

[Metal groans]

[All yelling]

Yes, he is!
[Groans]

Let me help you.

Oh, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

By the way,

you're my favorite.

Cody, I thought
you were grounded.

Well, I am,

but I have to win
that golden nettie.

If anyone's going to win
that award, it's me.

I got Chris brown.

Chris, have a seat.

I'm the producer,
and what I say goes.

Sorry, Chris. Girls,
take a seat on the couch.

No, no, no.
You werethe producer.

I'm the producer now.

Chris, pop a squat
on the couch, ok?

Not so fast.

Chris, out.
Girls, in.

Glad bigfoot
didn't show up.

By the way,
you're my favorite.

He said i was
his favorite.

I'm clearly
the better producer.

I got
celebrity guests.

Oh, well, mine
can do the Uncle Jackie.

It's called aunt Jackie.

Ok, not now, Chris.

Let's settle this
with a dance-off.

You, do
the aunt Jackie.

You, do something
cheetahlicious.

Why don't I just show
'em some of my dances?

Ok.

[Hip-hop music playing]

♪ Uhh, uhh ♪
♪ get up ♪

Whoo!

[Murmuring]

Y'all's turn.

No, you're definitely
going to have

to break that down
for us.

Oh... all right. We can do that.
Right here.

One, two.
Sabrina: Whoo!

It's cheetahlicious!

Oh!
You know,

you're my favorite.

Aw.

Cody on recording:
Zack, do you have any s?

Zack on recording:
Nope. Go fish.

Ok. There you are.
Got it.

[Grunts]

Oh! All right. Take them out
and let's start over.

Zack, do you have any s?

Wow, I'm thirsty.

[Knock on door]
Come in.

Oh, hey, Mr. moseby.
What brings you up here?

Hotel too quiet now that
the boys are in lockdown?

Well, that is actually
why I came up.

I have often said

that you are
a terrible mother.

You have?

Mostly to other people.

But I must admit,
this time

you have really
laid down the law.

Thank you, Mr. moseby.

I know it's hard to remember
when you're picking cake

out of your ears, but they
really are good kids.

Cody on recording:
Nope. Go fish.

Those lousy little weasels!

They've snuck out,
haven't they?

Go fish.
You have any s?

Nope. Go fish.

Do you have any jokers?
Oh! All right. Take..

Do you have any idea

where those little
weasels might be?

Well, Zack..

Anywhere that
there's food or girls.

Cody was upset
about not being able

to produce London's webshow.

Carey: What do they think
they're doing?

Hmm. I believe
that's the aunt Jackie.

Yeah. Well, see,
I love Chris brown.

I have to get his autograph.

For my niece.
You know.

She loves the way he does the thing.
Pushing back and backing in..

Oh, Carey..

Wow. This hasturned into
a great show.

I know. I guess we could
share the golden nettie.

Well, ok. But my
name goes first.

Uh, mine.

Carey: Oh.
Hi, Carey!

Sorry! We don't have
room for anymore guests.

Thanks!

Show's over.

Boys, we need to talk.

Not now. I'm trying
to produce a show.

I mean, I love you.

Turn the music off!

Boys, I am so
disappointed in you two.

You deliberately disobeyed me.

And broke my vent!

Uh, just a head's up, mom.

You're yelling at us

on an international broadcast.

Oh, really?

I didn't realize.

I don't care!

I am so sick
of this constant cycle

of breaking the rules,
getting grounded,

sneaking out, getting grounded,
breaking the rules..

Well, maybe you could
break the cycle this time

by not grounding us.

Oh, dude.

Oh, that is it.

You are beyond grounded.

The next time you see sunlight..

Oh, actually, no!

You're never going
to see sunlight again,

because by the time
your punishment is over,

the sun will have burnt out,
collapsed into black hole,

and the last remnants
of mankind

will be living
on a rusty little spaceship,

as the cold silence of space
slowly drives them mad!

I think she's
halfway there.

I heard that!

We're not laughing at you.
We're laughing with you.

Please don't
ground us.

We have a concert tonight.
We're playing at the..

Well, it looks like
we're out of time.

Carey:
Oh, you said it. March.

I'm just going to get Chris
brown's autograph for my..

March!
Ok!

[Theme music playing]

♪ London tipton's
really great ♪

Everybody, sing!

♪ London tipton's
really great ♪

All: ♪ really great,
really great ♪

♪ London tipton's
really great ♪

♪ and deserves
the opposite of hate ♪

Which is love!

Which is love. Love...

Mom, we just want to tell
you again how sorry we are.

Yeah, really sorry.

Thank you, sweetie.
Next.

All right.
You're clean.

Yeah, of course he's clean.
He bathes every minutes.

No laughing
in the big house.

Uh, do I get a last meal?

Yes. I'm cooking it.

Aren't I being
punished enough?

Guess what?

We won
the golden nettie.

[Both cheering]

So what put you
over the top?

Chris brown
or the cheetah girls?

Neither.

They loved
ranting mom.

It was the top
download of the week!

I was the top download
of the week?!

Yeah!

And they have
all these cool remixes

where lightning bolts
come out of your eyes

and smoke comes
out of your ears...

Shut up!
I know! Ooh!

Wait a minute.

If you're here, then who's
producing yay me?

London's producing herself.

She got another cool
celebrity guest.

So, how does it feel
to be a hip-hop sensation?

Uhh?

Oh. These were questions
for Chris brown.

Sorry. I guess I put my
big foot in my mouth.

[No audio]

Anyway, let's plug
your new book.

The great villas
of Tuscany.

Sounds fascinating.
But let's talk hair.

Have you tried
conditioner?