06x10 - Aunt Bee on TV

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

[crowd clamoring]

oh, there's quite a crowd.

Oh, it's almost as big as when they left.

We won't have to wait much longer. I just talked to raleigh.

Their plane landed right on time.

[Crowd exclaiming]

of course the bus is minutes late.

[Laughing] oh, it's exciting. Exciting.

I just can't wait for bee to get here.

She'll have such exciting things to tell us. Yeah.

Opie wrote and said he had the autographs of hollywood stars.

(Goober) hey, the bus!

[All cheering]

hey, ope!

Isn't this wonderful?

Hello, clara.

Hey, ope!

[Clara exclaiming]

oh, good to see you. Oh, you look wonderful.

And you look suntanned.

Did you get audie murphy? Did you? Huh? Huh?

All right, yeah.

Oh, you better come here to me. Oh.

Oh, hi, andy. Hey, floyd.

Gee, I thought we left all the movie stars in hollywood.

Oh. Missed the fire out of you.

Oh, it seems like you've been gone for a year.

Oh, clara, it was like a dream.

The studio lent us a limousine and a chauffeur.

A chauffeur? He wanted to be an actor. His name was john.

Of course, that was his stage name.

His real name was bob

and we called him bob.

Oh.

Here he is, goober.

Audie murphy.

Oh. Look at the way he makes a "y."

Boy, that's a good lookin' "y."

Wish I had a "y" in my name.

Tony curtis made a good one, too, see?

Yeah. Oh, wait a minute.

Doris day. Wow, wow.

Rock hudson. Whoo! Whoo!

Kirk douglas. Whoo! Whoo!

Dean martin.

Dave schneider.

Who's dave schneider?

Necktie salesman.

Sunglasses fooled us.

Opie, did you actually talk to all those stars?

Oh, and we saw their homes.

You did? Whose? Whose? Whose?

Well, see, they have these bus tours.

And we saw jack benny's house, and debbie reynolds' house...

Oh, I'll bet jack benny's got a nice house.

He's not really cheap, you know.

Oh, and cesar romero's house.

Oh, my dreamboat.

Oh, he has the most beautiful home.

Andy, tell them about that.

Yeah. Tell them about that one, pa.

That was a real big one. It really was.

We were standing right in front of his house.

Did you see cesar?

Well, no. But I found his newspaper!

I held it right in my hand. Oh, my goodness!

What a trip you had!

Hey, andy, I meant to tell you.

A delivery truck stopped by your house yesterday

and left off a big bunch of packages and crates.

Oh, andy! They've arrived! They've arrived!

I watched them unloading.

What is all this, bee?

It's a big surprise. Oh.

Well, tell them, tell them.

Yeah, what kind of a surprise?

You'll find out.

Andy, the luggage.

Oh.

[All chattering] oh.

(Bee) isn't this something?

I just don't believe it.

Oh, they're all beautiful.

But, bee, how can you afford all this?

Well, that's just it.

That's the big surprise.

Where did you get all these things, aunt bee?

I won them on television.

On televi...

You know... You know that show {\i }win or lose?{\I }

aunt bee was on that

and she was the sweepstakes winner.

Oh! (Clara) oh, boy!

We were right in the studio audience.

I watch that show every week. I didn't see you on it.

Well, I haven't been on yet. I'm on tonight.

Tonight? How can you be on t.v. Tonight

and here at the same time?

Well, they tape it, goober, in advance.

You mean you're actually going to be on t.v.? Mmm-hmm.

That's wonderful. Why didn't you write me?

Well, she wouldn't let me. Andy, I don't see the coat.

Oh, it'll come. It'll come.

Imagine, bee taylor on television. Oh!

Look at all these prizes.

Refrigerator, washing machine,

t.v., Dishwasher.

Hey, what's this?

It's an ice crusher, goob.

Crushes up the ice real good.

Whoo!

Oh, clara, you've got to see that.

It makes its own ice cubes. Oh.

(Bee) you know how much trouble you have with your icebox?

How the tray sticks, and how hard it is to get the ice out?

Not with this.

Oh, it's like a miracle.

Oh, it's ingenious.

Oh. Oh. Now look in here.

What's that little thing?

a*t*matic defroster. Oh.

And look, look at this sliding drawer.

Look at those sliding drawers.

Oh, andy, these things are worth a fortune.

How did she do it? I would have been frightened to death.

Oh, aunt bee wasn't scared at all.

Except when she forgot her name.

[All laughing]

[ice crusher clattering]

(bee) goober! Opie!

Please, I don't want you to break that.

It makes more noise than mr. Wilson's fan belt.

Well, I'll show you how it works later.

Now. Now, listen, listen. Everybody, shh. Listen, listen.

Please, everybody.

Now, before I forget, I want you all

to come over tonight and watch the show.

[All exclaiming]

why, andy, you didn't have to do this.

Yes, I did have to.

Minute I saw it, I knew it was for you.

Oh, now I wonder what it could be.

Wait till you see.

Huh?

Oh, well, it's beautiful.

(Andy) I hope you like it.

Oh, I love it.

It's... It's just beautiful, I love it.

See, it says hollywood. Right across it.

There's a zipper back here.

You can just unzip it like that and take the cushion...

There's a box.

Huh, I'll be darned. Wonder what that is.

Oh.

Oh, andy.

Oh, they're beautiful.

And I was ready to settle for the pillow.

Oh, they're just gorgeous.

Yeah, with aunt bee winnin' all those expensive prizes,

I got to keep up the front, you know.

I mean, if you're gonna be seen with me, you got to look right.

Oh, andy, they're just stunning.

Oh, thank you.

Oh.

You know, now I know how aunt bee must feel.

[Giggling]

[sighing]

you know, that t.v. Show is gonna start pretty soon.

We better be gettin' over there. Mmm.

{\I }all right, miss taylor, you have just more seconds.{\I }

{\i }now, think, miss taylor, think.{\I }

I don't think she's gonna get it.

Oh, goober, she's already won. We know that.

Oh, yeah.

{\I }just more seconds.{\I }

{\i }allspice or cinnamon?{\I }

{\i }cinnamon with custard filling.{\I }

{\i }that's right! Cinnamon with custard filling!{\I }

[all cheering]

(opie) all right, aunt bee!

I thought you weren't gonna get it.

Well, I was kind of scared there for a minute, myself.

My ma always made that pie out of lemon filling.

Of course, it never was any good.

I'm gonna have to tell her to make it out of custard.

{\I }that was a tricky one, miss taylor.{\I }

{\i }most people think{\i } {\i }that's made with{\i } {\i }a lemon filling.{\I }

see? I told you. My ma always made that with lemon filling.

Goober.

{\I }with that answer bee taylor,{\i }

{\i }you become our grand sweepstakes winner!{\I }

[all cheering]

{\i }and now, let's pull the curtain.{\I }

{\i }[studio audience applauding]{\i }

{\i }well, here are all your prizes.{\I }

{\i }quite a haul, eh, miss taylor?{\I }

{\i }oh, my goodness.{\I }

{\i }all these things for me?{\I }

{\i }that's right!{\I }

{\i }i'll bet you'll be the envy{\i }

{\i }of all the folks back at mayberry.{\I }

{\i }oh, yes. Nobody back home has things like these.{\I }

{\i }oh, I can't wait for my friends to see them.{\I }

{\i }well, it's been a real pleasure{\i }

{\i }having you on the show, miss taylor.{\I }

{\i }uh, before you go{\i }

{\i }would you like to say hello to the folks back home?{\I }

{\i }oh, yes, I'd love to.{\I }

{\i }i'd love to say hello to clara and myra.{\I }

{\i }little johnny paul and helen, and, uh,{\i }

{\i }let's see...{\I } you're forgetting goober.

She's getting to you, goober.

{\I }and judd and otis.{\I }

{\i }uh, anyone else?{\I }

didn't mention me, either.

How soon we forget.

{\I }oh, yes and floyd!{\I }

what about goober?

{\I }(bee) and goober.{\I }

she got to you, goober.

{\I }well, congratulations once again, bee taylor.{\I }

{\i }well, that's it for{\i } {\i }tonight on{\i } win or lose.

{\I }see you next week.{\I }

{\i }[studio audience applauding]{\i }

[all cheering]

aunt bee, you were just marvelous!

Oh, thank you.

And you were so calm!

Well, I was a little nervous at first,

but I got used to the cameras and the lights.

And jack was so nice.

Jack?

Jack smith. He's the emcee.

Guess how old he is.

Oh, what? , ?

.

(Clara) no. Years old.

It's the make-up and the lights.

Oh, they do wonders. That's the secret.

I did look younger on television, didn't i?

You looked good.

At least years younger.

[Ice crusher clattering]

I didn't do it. I didn't touch that ice crusher. I didn't do it.

Goober, goober, I just don't want it broken!

I didn't touch it. (Floyd) yes, he did!

Look at his face! Guilty!

Well, there's no harm done.

Now, how about we have our lemonade and cake now?

All ready, and it's coming up.

Oh, can I help you, aunt bee?

In a minute.

But first, I want everybody to come in the kitchen.

You've just got to see everything. Come on!

Well, they've... They've already seen everything.

Well, floyd hasn't! And besides, everything's in place.

Come on, clara. (Andy) well.

Come on, ope.

Oh.

Just like in the magazines.

Isn't that wonderful, clara?

It fits in right where the old one was. Oh, that's fine.

Just perfect!

And look at the inside.

Do you like it, floyd?

Oh, I like it.

And look... Look at our washing machine

and the dryer.

Oh, yes. And... And the dishwasher.

Look, look how perfectly that fits in there.

It's... It's the deluxe model.

Uh, aunt bee, don't you think we can go ahead

and have the cake and lemonade now?

Oh... Oh... Oh. You have to see the homemaker's helper.

Now, look at this. You turn on the water,

you flip on the switch

[imitating whirring] and the garbage is all gone.

Well, we've seen it before, bee. It's very nice.

I know, but floyd hasn't.

Oh, I wish I had some garbage.

Just when you want garbage, you don't have any.

Oh, goober, give me that.

But I'm not finished yet!

No, but there's a lot more.

But that one had icing all over it.

Listen, now, watch.

On goes the water,

on goes the switch and...

[Imitating whirring]

isn't that something?

Yes, it came in very handy.

Oh, I don't know what I'd do

without my disposal and dishwasher.

A dishwasher!

Uh, I think I missed the dishwasher.

Oh! Well, it's no trouble to show you.

Look, floyd, look. You push this

up comes the lid and here's the basket

in which you put all of your silver.

Morning, floyd.

Oh, uh, hi, andy.

[Groaning]

well, surely you can't be sleepy this early in the morning.

It was your party last night.

I didn't get home till almost : .

You can't do that in the middle of the week.

You burn yourself out.

I'm sorry. You were about the last one to leave.

It was not my fault.

I tried to get away, andy.

But miss bee just kept on talking and talking.

Oh, I tried, andy.

Well, I guess she was a little excited about all her prizes.

Well, it got me excited, too.

I didn't sleep a wink all night.

I had a nightmare.

I dreamt I was chased by a garbage disposal.

Oh, gee, floyd, I'm sure sorry.

Had to sleep with a light on.

Just like a baby.

She sure won some beautiful prizes, though, didn't she?

Yes, they were beautiful. Expensive, too.

Yeah. Hmm.

Uh, say, I don't know whether you know this or not, andy,

but some of the people at that party last night,

they... They got kind of worked up.

You know, they were jealous, I guess.

Jealous? Like who?

Oh, I couldn't say who.

They told me not to say, so I couldn't say.

Well.

It was clara, myra tucker,

mrs. Robinson and jenny peters.

Well, I can't see that.

If they won some prizes like that, they'd be excited, too.

Aunt bee hasn't changed, I know that.

Oh, yeah?

Well, just take a look behind you.

It came, andy. It came.

Isn't it beautiful? Oh.

That's really something.

Oh, that's soft.

Oh, that's soft.

It's genuine ranch mink.

Ranch mink?

[Floyd exclaiming]

oh, I think this is the nicest prize of all.

All the others are so practical.

And this is so impractical.

For this time of year, anyway.

Aren't you a little warm? It's .

Well, there's a little breeze.

Sure.

Well, I just wanted you to see it.

Well, aren't you going home?

No. I thought as long as I'm downtown,

I'd stop at the beauty shop and say hello to the girls.

It's saturday. Oh.

The reason I know it came...

Clara, wait. What did you say?

The reason I know it came is because

claude from the post office told me that he delivered

a package from dorsey furs, hollywood.

Oh, how big?

Oh, about like that.

Probably full-length.

I imagine so.

Oh, beth, you know,

I want that upswept effect on the right.

I know, clara.

Italian style.

Clara,

did he stay while she opened the package?

No. He said he tried to,

but that she took it away from him at the door.

Do you want bangs, too, clara?

Oh, are they wearing bangs in italy?

I don't know. I live in the back.

[Gasping]

guess who's coming.

Bee.

And guess what she's wearing.

Well, it's of no importance to me.

Hello, girls.

I was just passing by and I thought I'd say hello.

Hello.

Hello, bee. New coat?

Mmm-hmm. It's one of the prizes. It just came.

Isn't it beautiful?

Oh, very nice.

Is that that dyed squirrel?

Dyed squirrel?

It's... It's ranch mink.

There are different qualities, I suppose.

Aren't those full-length coats awfully heavy?

I know I'd never be able to wear one.

(Myra) me, either.

Well, it's as light as a feather.

I don't even know I have it on.

And look at the color. Isn't it beautiful?

I understand it's one of the new shades. Burnt autumn.

Very nice.

Uh, is that the kind that turns red after the first year?

Oh, I don't think it should.

It's from dorsey furs in hollywood.

Furrier to the stars.

Oh.

Oh, my goodness.

A gray hair.

I must have missed it with the dye.

Oh, well, we're all getting them, clara.

I guess I better be running along.

Oh, oh, oh, don't forget.

Lunch at my house tomorrow, : sharp.

And there'll be of us. And... Oh, I want to show you girls

some new features about the refrigerator.

Toodle-oo.

[Door closing]

did you know she's been walking all over town wearing it?

Yeah.

It's mink.

Yeah, she told me.

They're vicious little animals, you know?

They are? Yeah.

I didn't tell her that, of course.

Oh, no.

She's sure up in the clouds, though, isn't she?

Way up. Yeah.

That's a united states government license plate.

Looks like trouble.

I wonder if you might tell me where I could find a phone.

Oh, you wanted to call somebody?

Well, yes, that's the general idea.

You with the united states government, ain't you? Yes.

I could tell by your license plate.

How are things with the government?

Well, just fine.

Now, a phone.

Oh, got one right here in the shop.

You just pick it up

and you ask sarah for whoever you want.

And there's no charge. Government business.

Thank you.

Uh, is there anybody in particular you wanted to call?

Well, yes. Uh, mr. Andrew taylor.

He does live in town, doesn't he?

Yeah, he's the sheriff. His office is right next door.

I know him. I'll take you and introduce you.

Fine.

Come on.

Andy, this man wants to see you

and he's from the government. Oh?

My name is heathcote.

I'm with the internal revenue service. Internal revenue...

(Andy) well, what can I do for you mr. Heathcote?

Floyd, he's from the internal revenue service!

(Andy) sit down, won't you?

It's about those prizes your aunt won

on that quiz show out in hollywood.

Oh, they're beautiful. She won an ice crusher and everything.

Goober. What about the prizes?

Well.

I don't know if you would consider the matter private.

It's all right. You can talk in front of me.

I work at the filling station.

Go ahead, mr. Heathcote.

Well, now, according to records,

miss taylor won a considerable number of valuable prizes

on a quiz show in hollywood.

To be exact, prizes having a total value

of $ , .

And we keep a rather close check on these things.

Well, I thought it was more than that.

$ , . Yes, sir.

A sum taxable as ordinary income.

Taxable? (Heathcote) that's correct.

But they gave her those prizes free.

Exactly.

And they're considered a cash flow to the recipient.

And, by the same token,

an allowable deduction to the donor.

But the tax on that could amount to

over $ , .

Oh, yes, definitely.

You seem to enjoy your work.

I love my work, mr. Taylor.

Now, based on your other income,

the tax on these prizes is $ , . .

[Whistling]

mmm, miss agnes.

$ , . .

Go away, floyd!

I'm getting all the dope. I'll tell you later! Goober!

Well, I'll just leave these figures with you and we'll be in touch.

I'll look forward to seeing you.

Thank you.

I paid my tax already. Every penny of it.

I know. Yes, sir.

Well, goodbye.

[Door closing]

andy, what are you going to tell aunt bee?

I wish I knew. I wish I knew.

Well... Don't you tell her.

Yes, sir.

Well, of course, clara, if you're not feeling well.

Oh, no, it's just that I wanted you girls to see

how the dishwasher actually worked.

No, no, if you're not feeling up to it.

Yes, of course, some other time.

Yes. Bye, clara.

[Door opening]

[door closing]

don't forget to save me a piece of lemon cake, aunt bee.

Don't think we'll have to worry about that. There'll be plenty.

I thought you were having a lot of company over.

So did i, but...

Funny thing, nobody can come.

Why not?

Well, some of them remembered important engagements

and clara's sick and so is myra and dorothy

and jenny.

That's funny, they looked all right when I saw them.

Hmm.

Well, must be an epidemic.

Well, don't be late for supper.

I won't, aunt bee. Bye.

[Door opening]

[door closing]

I don't know how I'm gonna tell her.

Well, it's certainly gonna be a blow to her,

the way she treasures all those things.

[Birds chirping] yeah, I know.

I've tried for days to figure it out

and it all comes down to the tax has got to be paid.

And I just don't have that kind of money.

Oh, my.

You're gonna just have to tell her sooner or later.

[Sighing] well,

I guess it might as well be now.

Come in with me. Keep the smelling salts handy.

Uh, [clearing throat] aunt bee.

(Bee) yes?

Oh, hello, helen.

How nice to see you.

Hello, aunt bee.

Why, what's wrong?

Uh, maybe you better just sit down, hmm?

Yeah, you know, those, uh,

those prizes that you won?

Yes.

Well, I found out something a couple of days ago

and I've been trying to figure a way to tell you.

Well, I guess I'll have to tell you sometime.

Those, uh,

[sighing] those prizes are taxable.

Oh, that. Yes, I know.

Did goober tell you?

No, goober didn't tell me.

Goober told floyd, floyd told warren,

warren told judd and judd told me.

The mayberry telegraph.

Did they also tell you the tax is over $ , ?

Yes, but that's nothing to be concerned about.

Nothing to be concerned about?

No. Come along. I'll show you.

Well, where is everything?

[Laughing] I sold them.

Everything except the t.v. Set

and my garbage disposal.

Oh, aunt bee, the mink coat, too?

Mmm-hmm, to weaver's.

He said he could dispose of it with no trouble at all.

Oh, well, I don't understand, aunt bee.

Well, now we have enough money to pay the tax

and enough to take another trip one of these days.

On me.

But all those things meant so much to you.

Yes, it did for a while.

For a while?

Yes. And I'll tell you something.

I planned a luncheon for tomorrow

and everybody's accepted.

I guess that makes sense. I don't know.

[Laughing] oh, well, I think it does.

Of course, with all these appliances gone,

we're going to have to do a lot more work around here.

Oh, not much. Yes, we will.

We're gonna have to go back to making

our own ice cubes and everything.

[Both laughing]

♪ [andy humming]

[cutlery clanking]

well.

Now, that takes care of the dishes.

Huh, how does it feel doing them by hand again?

Fine. It never really was a problem. Huh.

Don't you miss any of those things?

No. Not really.

Well, what about the fur coat?

You know, the girls were right. It was awfully heavy.

Every time I took it off I had to sit down for minutes.

[Chuckling]

[doorbell ringing]

come in.

Bee.

Clara.

I bought your coat from weaver's.

I'm paying for it on time.

Isn't it fabulous on me?

Oh, and the quality.

I've never owned anything so exquisite in my life.

And you know something else? It weighs nothing.

It's as light as a feather.