04x03 - From Zeroes to Heroes

[bunniefuu]

(Theme music playing)

Now if you sign up with
the Wasabi Warrior Academy

you'll find that, as your sensei,
I like creating an environment

of tranquility and peace.

(Air horn blasts)

Roped in another one, people!

- Hey, what's going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.

The promotional video I put
on our website is working!

I can't wait to watch us on camera.

Oh, when Donnie at the
hardware depot sees me in my gi,

it's gonna take our relationship
to a whole 'nother level.

He might even stop locking the
doors when he sees me coming.

- (Rock music playing)
- Oh.

Yo, here we come.

Ha ha!

Where were we?

I'm sorry.

I had to make some difficult decisions.

Like cutting us out?

Oh no, that was an easy one.

No, what I struggled with was how
to deal with my "directed by" credit.

But then it just kind of came to me.

(Fanfare)

This video was directed by me!

Rudy Gillespie... Espie-espie-espie.

I trained hard for that video!

My reverse heel kick landed with force

- and precision.
- It landed in your face, Joan.

Is that what happened?

(Cheering)

Hey, yo, Jack, have you seen this video?

Uh, yes, I have and I'm not the only one.

Since it came out, I got a
free game at laser tag world.

- (Milton gasps)
- I'll be on the homecoming float with the cheerleaders.

- (Jerry whimpers)
- And Bob the butcher gave me this bag of cold cuts.

Whoo! I'll take that.

Joany Malone-y loves Bob's baloney.

Hey, Jack, got some
potential customers over here

who want to see your video.

If Rudy won't put us in the
video, let's make our own.

With some creative
editing and movie tricks,

- we could look as good as Jack.
- Oh.

I don't need any fancy movie tricks.

I'm the real thing.

Reverse heel kick coming atcha!

We need fancy movie tricks.

(Rock music playing)

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

♪ that's just how we do

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you ♪

♪ here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ everybody

♪ won't you come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

♪ that's just how we do

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you. ♪

This is the movie magic
I was talking about.

We've got a green screen
for digital effects,

styrofoam bricks, pre-cut
boards and a breakaway door.

Oh yeah, I've heard about these things.

(Laughs) So this is how
Hollywood does it, huh?

(Cracks
) - Oh-ooh!

Oh! Got me with the old breakaway stool.

Oh no, Joan, I think that was...
I said it was a breakaway stool!

All right, let's get famous, people.

- (Techno music playing)
- Announcer: Ready ot, orworl,

you are about to meet "paws"...

- "Jaws"...
- (Animal growls)

and "claws."

(Snicks)

(Animal roars)

(Big cat snarls)

Together they are the tiger trio!

(Big cat snarls)

(Whimpers)

I wanna be those people.

We are those people.

We are awesome, people.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

Rudy: Oh yeah, the sea dogs won!

They are one game away from
winning the championship.

♪ Let's go sea dogs!

(Barks)

I love the sea dogs.

You know I met my wife at a
game, and I still love them.

Izzy!

Dudewhat a, you doing here?

I thought your band
was on their world tour.

(British accent) Long
story... my jet broke.

Not such a long story.

Jack, look at this!

I invented a game. You take this hard ball,

you stick your fingers in the holes,
and then - you throw it! - (Screams)

Izzy, yeah, it is a
game. It's called bowling.

You're supposed to throw
the ball at the pins.

Where's the fun in that?
Pins can't run and scream.

Oh, embarrassing for you two...
wearing the same clothes.

- (Both chuckle)
- No.

We're dressed like this because we
just came back from a baseball game.

If the sea dogs win tomorrow,
they'll be world champions.

World champions?! That's so exciting!

I never thought I'd live to see the day!

- You don't know what baseball is, do you?
- Not a clue!

We're going tomorrow. You
have to come with us, man.

Rudy has an extra ticket.

I do, but I'm bringing a date.

Hey, Jeannie, do you want to
go to the game with me tomorrow?

(Snorts)

You know what? It would be my pleasure

to introduce you to America's past...
Alison, do you... want...

ticket's all yours.

Check it out. Our video's got views.

- All right.
- Oh, sorry I'm late.

I just watched our video times.

(Growls)

Well, at least one person
saw it and liked it.

Wow, their screen name is "gingergenius."

Ooh-hoo.

Yeah, that's me.

Look, we just got a few more views.

And a comment. (Types)

"Tiger trio, think you are incredible.

We'd like you to perform at our yucca
valley cactus festival this weekend.

- Mayor duggan."
- (Snickering)

- What a joke.
- Please.

Cactus festival.

- I'm in.
- Me too!

Cactus festival!

Oh wait wait wait
wait... wait a minute!

What happens when we get there and we're
not as good as we look on that video?

We'll just bring them a
little Hollywood movie magic.

As long as they don't
know our props are fake,

- they'll think we're the real thing.
- He's right.

We're not selling the steak,
we're selling the sizzle.

Ssss!

Well, don't worry about that.

Old joany can bring the sizzle.

- (Crackles)
- (Gibbering)

Wow, nice sizzle.

All right, one more out
and we are world champions.

We're going to get it. This
guy hits like my mother.

You know, my mother actually played
for the giants back in the day.

- Really?
- Yeah.

She even played when she
was still pregnant with me.

In her last game, she went into
labor as she was rounding first,

slid into second, and I stole third.

This game is amazing. Are you
allowed to talk to the baseballers?

Of course, calling
stuff out from the stands

is all a part of the experience.

Hey there! You, scratching and spitting.

- Yeah?
- Not you, Louis.

Him. Number !

You've got grass stains on your knickers
and you've lost your other mitten!

No, Izzy, it's not a mitten. It's a glove.

- They use it to catch the ball.
- Here.

In case a ball comes up
in the stands, use mine.

- (Bat cracks)
- Oh, this is it.

When balboni catches this
one, we're gonna be the champs!

- You got it.
- You got it.

You got it!

I got it. I'm the champion of the world!

- (Crowd booing)
- You moron!

You turned that out into a home run!

Izzy, you just cost us the championship!

Don't worry, no one knows it
was me who caught the ball.

Oh look, I'm on TV!

(Booing continues)

Let's get him!

♪ Hey!

♪ Come on!

♪ Kickin' it with you!

I love how they made this place
look like an old west town.

Hi, I'm Nikki.

My dad's the mayor of yucca valley.

We're so excited you're
here for the cactus festival.

Oh well, you're pretty darn lucky
you got us when you did, hon.

Right after you booked us we
got a call for another gig.

Oh really? What was it?

- Petting zoo.
- Funeral.

Super bowl.

I'll see you after the show, jaws.

Yes, you will, legs... I mean, Nikki.

Announcer: Ladies and gentleman,

the yucca valley cactus festival is proud

to present the tiger trio.

(Big cat snarls)

Paws!

- Claws!
- (Roars)

- And jaws!
- (Big cat growls)

Hyah!

Ha!

(Grunts)

(Laughing)

(Yells)

Well, I'm really really sorry, sir.

Oh, you're going to be sorry.

In fact this whole town's gonna be
sorry when I come back with my g*ng.

(Growls)

Wow, people seem really scared.

Even that big guy in
the hat's running away.

- Maybe somebody should call the sheriff.
- That guy is the sheriff.

Look, I'm really sorry,
everybody. It was an accident.

It's not your fault, Jerry.

That guy's the leader of the Diablos.

They're a biker g*ng that have ruined
every cactus festival we've ever had.

But this year is gonna be different,
because this year we have the tiger trio!

- Joan: Oh!
- (Applause)

How lucky, wow.

Good for you...

What?

Well, all in all, our
first show was a success.

- Joan, the whole town's in danger because of us.
- Oh well, that's show business.

One night you get a standing ovation,

the next night you get a biker g*ng
tdestroy a whole town. Off we go.

- Where are you guys going?
- (All yelp)

You're not leaving, are you?

No... Why would you think that?

Because your bags are packed, you've got
a map highlighted back to the freeway,

and two minutes ago Joan yelled
"peace out, girl scout!" To my dad.

She may be on to us.

You can't leave now.

You're the tiger trio.

This is the first time our
town actually has a chance

to defend ourselves against the Diablos.

(SIGHS) Look, Nikki.

The truth is we're not good at karate.

We're good at putting on a show.

See these boards?

They're not real.

So... you're fakes?

The only thing that was real today
was the way that you made me feel.

(Moans)

Too soon?

I should have known the tiger
trio was too good to be true.

Go ahead, run away.

Wait, Nikki, wait!

Look, there's something you need to know.

We never got paid.

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up like it's karate. ♪

All right, there is a crowd of people

waiting in the parking lot to get Izzy.

So we just got to slip him out the back.

- The trick is just blending in.
- Izzy: Right, let's blend.

There you are. Where is he?

We don't know. We've
been looking for him too.

Holy smokes, salty the sea dog!

I love you. Can I get your autograph?

(Fake American accent) Sure,
except I can't see anything

through my giant fake head!

That's better. Who do I make it out to?

Lou... l-o-you ball-stealing
crumpet-muncher!

- (Clamoring)
- Get him!

All right, boys. Let's
put these bags in the car

- and put this whole thing behind us.
- Awesome.

- Hello!
- (All yelp)

Don't talk to him. He may be a Diablo.

My name is Billy. Everyone in town

is saying you're running
away, but I know the tiger trio

doesn't run away from anything.
You guys are my heroes.

We'd sure appreciate it
if you'd stop staring at us

with those Doe-eyes filled
with wonder and innocence.

Yeah, you're... Making me
feel all weird inside.

It's called guilt, Joan.

I'm feeling it too.

It's sitting right on top

of the little gas I got
from those cactus crab-cakes.

(Burps)

Oh, now it's just the guilt.

I don't know about you
two, but I'm staying here.

The Diablos may take me
down, but not without a fight.

Billy, round up everybody and tell
them to meet us in the town square.

- I have a plan.
- Got it!

- Okay, go!
- (Others chuckle)

Good plan, you got rid of the kid!

- Shotgun!
- Let's go.

No, I have a plan to take down the Diablos.

And once we announce
that we're not leaving,

the town will cheer us
for the real heroes we are.

(Booing)

Please, citizens of yucca valley, let
us not dwell on who the phonies are.

- It's you!
- Again, this is the thing we shall not dwell upon.

Look, people, you've been terrorized
by the Diablos long enough.

Okay? It's time for
this town to fight back.

We can't fight back.
We're just ordinary people.

(Scoffs) Ordinary people?!

Do you know what I see
when I look out there?

Holy Hannah, you people are ordinary.

We're ordinary people too,

but we made you believe
that we were more than that.

And that's exactly what you're
going to do to the Diablos.

I'm going to need wire.
All the wire in town.

You heard him, people. We need wire!

Yeah, and big pieces
of styrofoam and paint.

Paint, people! Red, blue, whatever you got!

- And Nikki's phone number.
- Still too soon, Milton!

Now let's make this a town the
Diablos will never mess with again.

- Yeah!
- (Cheering)

Okay, all right!

We lost them thanks to
my super secret shortcut.

- What took you so long?
- (All yelp)

We've been here for over an hour.

- Now hand him over.
- Whoa whoa!

Look, you don't think that I'm mad?

Balboni is my favorite player.

I have posters of him in my room.

I have a reoccurring dream where we play
catch and he lets me call him "daddy."

Look, Izzy's sorry. He's
never been to a game before.

And he never will again!

He's right. That game was a bore.

It didn't get interesting
until I caught this ball.

You s... - no
no no, hang on!

Izzy did nothing wrong.

His only crime was wanting to experience
the greatest game our country knows.

- The thrill of the crowd...
- (Mimics crowd roar)

The cr*ck of the bat
hitting the ball... cr*ck!

A bag of freshly roasted peanuts...
(Trumpets)

Elephants love peanuts.

Look, all we wanted to do was
share our love of the game with him.

And if that's wrong, then we're wrong.
- Rudy: Yeah.

Jack's right. Don't blame Izzy.

Blame us.

You heard him, Louis.

It's their fault. Let's get 'em.

- (Clamoring)
- Rudy: No no no!

But we made a heartfelt speech!

(Western theme playing)

Ha! It looks like the town's deserted.

The tiger trio didn't even
have the guts to show up.

Well, fellas, let's bust up their
town so they know we were here. Rahh!

- Ha!
- (Dramatic Western theme)

Coming back to this town was a big mistake.

Look at this, guys. This twerp
thinks he's gonna take on the Diablos

- all by himself.
- I'm not a twerp!

Hiyah!

And I'm not alone.

(Shouts)

- He's got friends.
- (Screaming)

Lots of friends.

And we're not backing down anymore.

Hey, stop looking at me, little boy.

I'm not afraid of you.

You should be. Show him, Billy.

(Shrieks)

Now get out of my town.

All you people are crazy!

Come on, guys. Let's go go go!

Good job, everybody. We did it!

(Cheering)

- Tiger trio! Tiger trio!
- (All chanting)

From this day forward no one in this
town will ever forget the names

jaws, paws and...

Um...

- Claws!
- That's the one.

Thank you.

Milton, I thought Billy
used the last fake brick.

He did. This girl can kiss.

All right, people, let's get our cactus on.

- Whoo!
- (Tiger trio techno music playing)

Milton: Take two.

And action!

(Joan yelling)

(Moaning)

Jerry: Take one. Action, Milton.

This is tasty. Do we have any butter?

Take . We're gonna get it this time.

- (Exhales)
- And action.

Take .

Try getting more speed.

And action!

(Yelps)

(Thuds)

That's a wrap!

♪ Kickin' it with you!