02x01 - Pick up the Pieces (Special)

[bunniefuu]

PETER: So long, Earth. Nice visiting,
but we got a galaxy to guard.

(BEEPING)

Overweight?

How can we be overweight?

- I am Groot.
- Beats me.

- DRAX: I know nothing.
- It's a real puzzler.

(ALARM BLARING)

(DOOR BEEPING)
(YELLS)

Drax the Destroyer must feed.

On a lifetime supply of corn dogs?

Do you know how hard it is to get
a full-body workout in space?

Whoa!

(ALARM CONTINUES BLARING)

What? Duct tape is the stuff that
binds the universe together.

It's also the stuff whose weight
binds us to Earth's gravity.

We have to jettison it.

My duct tape saves lives.

You wanna chuck dead weight,
how about...

I don't know...
Gamora's actual weights?

My weights are vital to my training.

And I've saved more lives than tape.

Speaking of which...

They don't even use these cassette
tapes on your planet anymore, Quill.

- Why did you buy them?
- They were a bargain.

None shall remove my corn dogs!

Keep your paws off my duct tape!

I am not giving up my
synthpop gold collection!

I am Groot!

ROCKET: What do you mean
we're losing altitude?

DRAX: He means the ship is rapidly
plummeting back to the planet's surface.

- I know what he means!
- PETER: Dump it!

ROCKET: All of it?

Drax will have his corn dogs!

(YELLS)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

- Well, that's everything.
- Not quite.

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

PETER: Wait! Let me keep
Men Without Hats!

Who knew they had a second hit?

GAMORA: We're
still losing altitude!

Come on, bud. You're gonna
have to chuck your stuff, too.

I am Groot.

Hey, we all gotta make sacrifices.

I am Groot.

(BEEPS)

(ENGINES POWER OFF)

(ALL YELLING)

If we survive this crash, will I have
time to purchase more corn dogs?

PETER: Star-Lord's
Super-Awesome Adventure Log.

Mission status: currently battling
our worst enemy, gravity.

Crash our ship, will ya?

Yeah, you better run!
Fly! Flutter!

Whatever the flarg
you do! Traitor!

I am Groot.

Okay, I think we can
all share the blame here.

We're a team effort.
Rocket, fix the ship.

(GRUNTS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Yeah, about that.

We're kind of short on parts.

DRAX: We are
also short on time.

The ship is sinking into the swamp.

At this rate, we'll be completely
submerged in a matter of hours.

(ALL YELL)
(GRUNTS)

Me and Groot can
get started on repairs.

The rest of you have to split
up and find the parts I need.

Gamora, get me a
micrometer frequency laser.

Quill, I need a stuffed animal.

A krutackin' huge one.

Wait. Wait, wait.
That's a fake assignment.

Every time we split up,

you always make me get something
you don't really need,

- and then you laugh about it later.
- It's real.

Okay, so then why can't Drax
get it, and I'll get his part?

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) Fine.

But remember, you asked for it.

(g*nf*re) I changed my mind!
I changed it!

I want to get the stuffed animal!

(g*nf*re CONTINUES)

Yo! Think fast!

(GRUNTS)

Okay, now think slow.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

(GRUNTS)

Intruder!

Put down the fusion reactor
and surrender to Modok!

(LAUGHING)

Oh. Oh.

Seriously, dude? You've
got baby arms and legs.

MODOK: Physical might
is hardly necessary

when one possesses
the power of the mind.

(GRUNTS)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

Nice try, fathead, but...

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(SIGHS) Okay, chubby cheeks,
now you're making me mad.

Haven't you figured it out yet?

I have the power to destroy
you with your own w*apon.

Well, the joke's on
you there, Mighty Melon.

Only I can control my Element Blaster.

But I can control your hand.

(STRAINING)

Hey! Hey! All right,
quit it, Jumbo Jowls.

The name is Modok!

And you will not interfere with
my plans, whoever you are!

(GRUNTING)

Who's interfering? I just need
to borrow your fusion reactor.

Unfortunately for you, it is a key
component for my stasis w*apon.

Once I deploy the m*ssile,

all of humanity will be
rendered completely immobile.

Then Modok will reign supreme!

(GRUNTS)

Whoa!

(STRAINING)

Ah, the things I have to go through
for one lousy, stupid fusion reactor!

Oh, Rocket, you are so
gonna owe me big-time.

(ALARM BLARING)

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

(HUFFS)

No one defeats Modok!

You hear me? No one!

If anyone asks, I'm saying I
fought a -foot-tall dude

who sh**t flames out of his eyeballs.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

I am Drax the Destroyer.

My chief engineer, Rocket, has
charged me with a vital mission.

To retrieve an essential component
for the repair of our ship.

I do not know your crime,
hairy earthling,

but you must tell me
where I may obtain a...

"...stuffed animal, period.
(SNORTING)

"A krutackin' huge one,
period." (GROWLING)

You will give me the
information I require. Speak!

(GROWLS AND ROARS)

(BELL DINGS)

Very well.

I will follow the sound of
the bell, as you instruct.

(MUSIC PLAYING)
(BELL DINGS)

Clearly, this place is a prison
for dangerous criminals.

Drax the Destroyer does not fear
your devices of punishment.

(BELL DINGS)

Nor will I be impaled
like these beasts of burden.

(BELL DINGS)

Test your strength!

Ring the bell and win a prize!

Step right up!
Who's next?

- Behold, my quarry, the stuffed animal!
- Ring the bell and win a prize!

Test your strength! Ring
the bell and win a prize!

Drax the Destroyer will win,
as I win at all things!

(GRUNTS)

(BELL DINGS)

And the tattooed man wins a prize!

(SQUEAKS)

This does not qualify
as "krutacking huge."

If you wanna win
one of our top-tier prizes,

then you'll need to try your luck
at one of our other contests

of skills and strength.

(SIGHS)

Don't do it, pal.

We been trying to win our kids

a Princess Strawberry Rainbow
Goldenhair all day.

It's hopeless.

Drax the Destroyer does not
know the meaning of "hopeless,"

nor the meaning of "Princess
Strawberry Rainbow Goldenhair."

But I once had a young one
much like yourselves.

And I swear on my honor that I will defeat
the evil liquid containers for you.

(GASPS)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

(GRUNTING)

No!

(YELLS)

You deceive innocents for profit!
(GASPS)

This entire operation could not be more
evil if it was run by Thanos himself!

(GASPING)

It must be destroyed!

These devices of punishment will
stand no more! (ALL SCREAMING)

(YELLS)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

KIDS: Yay!
(STUFFED ANIMALS SQUEAKING)

Take my advice. Leave this
horrible place and never return.

I am Drax the Destroyer, and I
have succeeded in my mission,

as I succeed in all things.

(SCREAMING)
(GROWLING)

ROCKET: So, just as we're about to
leave this stinking backwater planet,

your krutackin' pet crashes our ship!

What kind of name is Butterfly?

I don't see no butter
on that thing. Ah!

- I am Groot.
- Ugh!

I know I unclogged
the valve, bark-brain.

What are you still standing there for?
Go start the engine.

(BEEPING)

(GRUNTING)

COMPUTER: System failure.

Unidentified anomaly detected.

(GRUNTS)

(ALARM BLARING)

Huh?

(GRUNTS)

I am Groot?

What, do you got sap in your ears?

I told ya to start the engine.

How'd you get up here so fast?

I am Groot.

What do you mean you've
been here the whole time?

That's impossible.
Unless...

We got an intruder.

(YELLS)

Huh?

I am Groot.

No, it ain't my overactive imagination.

I'll prove it to ya!

And don't just stand there.
Help me look for it!

(SIGHS)

I am Groot.

(SQUEAKS)

(BEEPS)

I am Groot!

Groot! I told you it was...

(GROWLING)

Hey! What did you
do to my bud?

(GROWLING)

(GROWLING CONTINUES)
(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

Ah!

(GROANING)

Groot, you gotta help me, bud!

That thing just fried my fur!

(SIGHS)

I am Groot.

It wasn't a joke. I swear!

(BLOWS LANDING)

ROCKET: All right, Mucky,
you're going down!

(ROCKET YELLING)

Huh.

I am Groot.
(CREATURE GROWLING)

(STAMMERING)

I am Groot!

Told ya it was real! Whoa!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I am Groot. I am Groot!
I am Groot!

(SCREECHES)

"Whatever knows fear burns at
the touch of the Man-Thing"?

- Who said that?
- I am Groot!

I ain't afraid...

(YELLS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Come and get me, ya walkin' wetland!

(EXCLAIMS)
(BEEPS)

(LAUGHS)

- I am Groot?
- What are you talking about?

This ship always had ejector seats.

The expl*sives, I added those later.

I am Groot. I am Groot!

ROCKET: Yeah, right.
Very funny.

Now who's got
an overactive imagination?

GAMORA: Rocket sent me to find a
micrometer frequency laser

to repair the ship.

I knew the mission would be
dangerous, but I never expected...

This.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHILDREN CLAMORING)

(GASPS)
(LAUGHS)

(CLAMORING CONTINUES)

(ALL LAUGHING)
(CAMERA CLICKS)

(BEEPING)

Guys, wait! Wait!

Happy birthday,
Smell-bert.

(BEEPING)

GAMORA: It reminded me of my
training days under Thanos.

(BOYS LAUGHING)

That's awesome.

But even Thanos lacked the
cruelty of these young humans.

- We rule!
- Laser tag champions!

(BEEPS)

micrometer frequency.

Just what I'm looking for.

Next round.
I challenge you all.

I win, I keep your w*apon.

What do we get if we win?

Name it.

How about...

Albert has to do all our chores
for the next six months?

Mmm, no. No way.

Don't worry, kid.
I got this.

(CHUCKLES) Three against one?

You got a deal, lady.

(BELL RINGING)

(ALL YELLING)

What...

(GRUNTING)

(GASPS)

(BEEPS)

Oh, that was awesome!

Can you help me win
the next round? Please?

I don't have time for games, child.

But... But it's
my birthday party,

and my brothers have been
ganging up on me all day.

I know what it's like to be
tormented by my siblings.

I won't help you, but I will train you.

(GASPS)

(PANTING)
(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(BEEPING)

(GRUNTING)

(BEEPING)
(YELLS)

(STRAINING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

(LAUGHS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GRUNTS)

(BEEPING)
(GRUNTING)

Ha!

(PANTING)

Yeah!

(LAUGHS)

Remember, it's not laser
tag, it's laser w*r.

(BELL RINGING)

Whoa!

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

(YELLING)

(EXCLAIMS)
(LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

(BEEPING)

(LAUGHS)

I did it!

I b*at all my brothers!

Oh, thank you so much, Miss...

Miss?

(KIDS CLAMORING)

GAMORA: Maybe I should've
stuck around for the kid.

But a righted wrong and a job well
done are all the thanks I need.

Besides, my efforts
didn't go entirely unrewarded.

PETER: Here they are, Rocket.

Every part you and Groot need to fix
the ship and get us out of this swamp.

- Wasn't easy, but we got 'em.
- I disagree.

Obtaining this component was
quite simple. (SQUEAKS)

Yeah, what happened to you?

I don't want to talk about it.

The real question is,
what happened to my ship?

I am Groot.

I don't want to talk about it neither.

Oh, and it ain't your ship.

(RUMBLING)
(ALL EXCLAIM)

(SQUEAKS)
(ALL YELL)

(GROWLING)

I am Groot?

I don't know. I thought we
blew up that plant monster.

"Plant monster"?

I said I don't wanna talk about it!

Okay, man. What did you do
to tick this thing off?

He's Rocket.
It doesn't take much.

You two get the engine fixed.
We'll hold off Booger-Saurus.

(RUMBLING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(SQUEAKS)

Ha! This stuffing will make
perfect insulation for the laser.

I am Groot?

Nah, I never needed
that fusion reactor.

(CHUCKLES)

Quill falls for it every time.

(ENGINE WHIRRING)

Huh?

Yes! That must be the fusion reactor.
Let's go.

(GROWLING)

(GROWLS)

Dude, where's my chair?

I kind of blew it up.
Long story.

I am Groot. I am Groot!

Oh, now what?

ROCKET: Well, if Fertilizer
Face just told us

we were polluting his home
instead of attacking us,

we might have done something about it.

I am Groot.

'Cause I got a strict policy
against helping

any waste product that
tries to waste me.

I am Groot!

(SIGHS)

Fine.

So how come a walking
sludge pile can tell you,

"Whatever knows fear burns at
the touch of the Man-Thing,"

but he can't say,
"Your ship's sprung a leak"?

I am Groot.

ROCKET: (CHUCKLES) You're welcome.

Now that fiasco is over,

I built you a new chair.

Out of a fusion reactor?

Hey! There's that krutackin' moth that
crashed our ship in the first place!

Oh, let him keep it.

GROOT: I am Groot!

(GUARDIANS GROANING)

Ho-ho!

The treacherous bug must pay!

(GUARDIANS GROANING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)