Kyle! Kyle! Kyle! Kyle.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
Don't chew on that.
Don't chew on that, kyle.
Give it to daddy.
Give it to daddy.
Kyle, kyle, kyle.
Come here, baby.
I love you.
Give me the card.
Give it. Give it to me.
Let go. Let --
Unngh!
[ Sighs ] kyle.
This is my ernie banks
rookie card.
Ernie banks,
number , mr. Cub.
Stop. Don't cry. Don't cry.
I love you. I love you.
Here. Here. Here.
Here. Here.
Rube walker.
See? Lifetime -- .
Eat him!
Hah!
Oh, baby.
[ g*nf*re, explosions ]
[ Man screams ]
Whoa, you don't get up
from that one.
What happened to his leg?
He's like a starfish.
It'll grow back.
All right, jim.
Da--
What are you watching?!
Oh, my god!
Jim! This is
"saving private ryan."
The girls can't watch this.
Are you kidding?
They can't take
their eyes off it.
Mommy, fingers
grow on boats!
[ Cheryl scoffs ]
okay...
You're handling
the nightmares on this one.
Hey, didn't happen
for "hellraiser."
It's not gonna happen
tonight.
"Hellraiser"! Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
All right, we're going
to the podiatrist
To get dana's creepy,
weird toenail removed.
Oh, good move, dana.
I think that's why
you're still single.
Hmm.
No, wait.
It's your personality.
I was wrong.
One last chance
to say goodbye.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Its name is jim.
Get --
All right, here's the stuff
for the park.
I packed toys, diapers,
and wipes.
Yeah, and there's
stuff in there
for the kids, too.
[ Mocking laugh ]
That's great, freak toe.
Have fun
at the park.
We will. We love the park.
We have fun at the park.
Where's the park?
Outside?
I don't even know
how to drive.
Oh, boy.
This is the kind of day
That makes a fellow
want to kick off his shoes
And run barefoot
through the grass.
Why don't you do it
over there
Where that guy
just let his dog pee?
Hey, girls.
Push us
on the swing.
Oh, we could do that.
Or...
You could run around,
And I'll sit here
and throw grapes at you.
Swing!
Swing!
All right, darlings.
Yay!
Yay!
Jim, the ice-cream guy's here.
What's your pleasure?
You know, I got
a taste for calamari.
It's an ice-cream truck.
They don't have calamari.
I don't care
where you get it.
All right,
my little girls.
I'll push.
Want me to sing?
Sing "silly sally."
"Sing 'silly sally.'"
All right.
♪ Silly sally,
what'd ya do today? ♪
♪ Silly sally,
what'd ya do today? ♪
♪ Did you comb your hair
with a... ♪
♪ Pineapple! ♪
♪ Comb your hair
with a pineapple, oh, boy ♪
Oh, boy.
♪ Silly sally -- ♪
Hi, hannah.
Hi, emily.
Can we go play
with them?
Uh...yeah, okay,
just don't go too far away.
I want to be able
to see you.
Yay!
Yay!
Oh, girls, you can go
farther than that.
What? I can't hear you!
Perfect!
Hey, jim. I'm sandy,
hannah's mother.
And this is leslie,
emily's mom.
You met her
at chuck e. Cheese
at the triplets party.
Remember?
Sukey, kerry, and chloe.
This is carol.
She's caitlin's mom.
She's also got
linda and kelly
with her today--
You know, debbie's
kids who you met
At the other hannah's
mom's house.
I'm not
gonna be tested
on this, am i?
[ Laughing ]
Oh, if you were mine,
I'd never let you
out of the house.
Oh, I'd find a way.
[ Thinking ] hmm.
I bet these foot doctors
make a lot of money.
What a racket.
Oh, my god, I'm starting
to sound like jim.
I wonder what's wrong
with that guy's foot?
A plantar's wart, I bet.
Ugh!
Oh, no. I wonder
if these people think
I have something wrong
with my feet.
I'll just kick my shoes off
So they'll see
that I'm normal.
Oh, no! There's a hole
in my sock.
Abort! Abort!
That was quick.
What happened?
He didn't even do
the procedure.
Right after he
anesthetized my toe,
He got called away
on an emergency.
Check this out.
[ Gasps ]
See? Whole leg -- numb.
What are you doing?
Calling jim. Tell him
we're on our way home.
Are you kidding? We have
the whole afternoon.
Dana, it's laundry day.
Jim's down
to his christmas boxers.
Oh, come on.
You need a break.
We could go see a movie.
[ Gasps ]
a movie on laundry day?
I'd feel so naughty.
Hey, can we get
popcorn?
Oh, yeah.
A-hah!
And no sharing!
Oh, yeah!
And sneak in
without paying!
Cheryl,
we're gonna pay.
Okay. But we're
still bad, right?
Oh, yeah.
Aah!
And that's why
I'm no longer
welcome
In the state
of florida.
[ Laughter ]
Hey...
Where are my girls?
Oh, they're over
by the slide with
penelope and nancy...
And bridget and suzanne.
Hey, girls!
Come on, let's go!
Time to go!
Oh, not so soon.
Aw!
Aw!
Aw!
Aw, ladies.
Come on,
the fun is over.
I promised cheryl
I'd do some work
around the house.
But you work hard
all week.
Tell me about it.
Well, you know,
you should always work
A little harder at home
than you do on your job.
You know
who said that?
Michael landon.
Women: awww!
Hey, girls.
Do we have to go,
daddy?
Yes, we have to go.
Come on, girls,
get your stuff together.
Andy, you want
to pick up and put
together that buggy?
We wanna stay.
Please!
You want some cheese
with that whine?
Come on, girls.
We got to go home.
Why don't you
let us take them
for the afternoon?
We can go to lunch
and then the girls can
play together.
I don't know.
This is supposed
to be our day together.
Oh, well, all right.
But what the heck!
Oh, okay.
Yay!
Yay!
I'll have them home
by dinner.
Or july. Whatever.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, where did cheryl
find you?
Oh, I don't know.
The perfect store?
Ooh, this is so much fun.
Martin lawrence
in "medieval times" --
how can you lose?
I hope he's sassy
in this one.
Oh!
Hey!
What?
That guy just stepped
on your foot.
Really?
Yeah.
That's gonna hurt later.
What are you doing?
I'm just gonna check in
with jim real quick.
Cheryl! Bad girls don't
check in with their husbands.
Ah. Yeah!
[ Baby crying ]
Oh, man! Who brings
a baby to a movie?
Relax.
I'll take care of it.
Aah!
Or you better do it.
Excuse me,
would you please keep
your baby quiet?
Why don't you
be qui--
Hi, cheryl.
Ha!
What are you doing here?
Where are the girls?
They're at a friend's
house -- sarah's.
Dana: cheryl!
My hair is stuck
to the floor!
All right. ... ...
Aah!
Oh, hey, jim.
Hey, dana, you got
a little something
right here.
No. Up, up, up, up.
You got it.
You got it.
What are you
doing here?
You're supposed to be
at the doctor.
It got rescheduled,
so we came here.
Oh, you thought you got
away with it, huh?
Got away with what, jim?
I think I deserve a little
free time every few months.
Cheryl, you have hours
of free time every day.
Just because you choose
to use it sleeping --
Not my fault.
Wait a minute.
The girls don't have
a friend sarah.
There's a mom sarah
who has a daughter julia.
Julia, yeah. Julia.
Oh, jim.
I don't like the girls
playing with julia.
She's a spitter.
And she talks back to her mom,
then the girls do it to me.
It takes me a week
to break them of it.
Hey, cheryl.
Hey!
I just ran into dana
in the lobby.
What is it
about martin lawrence
That brings families
together?
"Dude,
where's my car?"
What?
I'm answering
the trivia question.
Jim, look, I'm sorry,
but you gotta go
get the girls.
I won't be able to relax
knowing they're at julia's.
[ Sighs ]
All right. All right.
But you owe me one.
No, I don't.
Well, somebody
owes me one.
Actually, you owe me $
for the popcorn.
Benicio del toro!
I'm on fire!
All right, cheryl.
I'll do it.
Just tell me
where she lives.
Oh, it's a little gray house
on the corner of pine
and oakhurst.
Thank you, honey.
"Devil in mrs. Jones"!
Come on, andy.
Let's go pick up
the girls.
What about the
movie? The previews
are starting.
In a future where
women are forbidden
to wear clothes
And beer is money,
One long car chase
Will change the lives
of three supermodels
And one tough cop.
Steven seagal is back!
I am so there!
Jim!
Okay, honey.
♪ Silly sally ♪
♪ What am I singing
this song for? ♪
Good popcorn.
Ah, it's a little dry.
I'm thirsty.
Me too.
Can I have some?
Yeah, sure.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Come on!
I'm sorry.
You wanna do it?
Come on.
I'm so sorry.
You're a jerk.
Oh, I'm a jerk,
am i?
Hey, come on!
What is that?
In front of my baby
like that? A jerk?
Hi. Hi.
You're sarah.
I know that. I'm jim.
And this is water.
We were a little thirsty.
Ruby and gracie
are my kids.
I'm andy, the uncle.
We're here
to pick them up.
They're not here.
Where are they?
How should I know?
I'm gonna close
the door now.
[ Laughs ]
You don't know
where your kids are.
[ Laughs ]
Jim, maybe you should
just call up cheryl
And tell her
you lost the girls.
After hours of labor
and two episiotomies,
I don't think so.
What are we gonna
do now, huh?
What are we gonna do?
Cheryl's gotta have
an address book,
right?
Look in that.
No, she always carries it
with her.
Ruby's got an address book.
She's always
writing in it.
All we need
is one little girl's name,
and we could find her.
Look around here somewhere.
Everything's a mess.
Hello, hello, hello.
"Mommy, daddy, barney...
Elmo..."
Oh, here we go.
Emily.
Great! Great! Great! Great!
Give me the number.
... .
Great.
...
W.
Then she drew a kitty.
My daughter's an idiot.
Jim, think. Think.
Can't you
remember anything
that woman said?
All I remember is,
yammer, yammer, yammer,
"I'll take the kids."
Maybe we should
go back to the park.
Let's go to the park.
Maybe someone's still there.
[ Telephone rings ]
Oh, oh, I hope
it's...what's-her-name.
Yello?
Hey.
How is everything?
Okay.
Cheryl.
Everything's fine,
cheryl.
Is that cheryl?
Hey, I just wanted
to find out if the girls
had a good time.
Are you checking up on me?
Well, maybe a little.
The girls are fine.
Uh, they're -- they're playing
with uncle andy.
[ Giggles ]
please stop copying me.
[ Imitates girls ]
please stop copying me.
I mean it.
I mean it.
I'm telling you.
I'm telling you!
I'm gonna get you!
Ha ha ha ha!
So fun.
[ Laughs ]
what? What?
He just said, "the king's
daughter's a freak."
Black knight
is so busted!
I gotta go.
I'm gonna tickle you.
I'm gonna tickle you.
[ Laughing ]
you're tickling me!
[ Laughing ]
You're so much cooler
than aunt dana.
You're cooler
than harry potter.
We love you!
Are you done?
Yeah.
Are you sure you're done?
Hey, jim. I just thought
of something.
What?
What if while we're here
that woman's dropping
the kids off at the house?
Don't worry about it.
I left a note --
"No one home.
Leave kids
in the backyard."
Now, there.
She looks familiar.
She's short.
Hi.
Well, aren't you
a pretty little girl?
Can I ask you
a question?
I don't think
she's gonna talk.
Oh.
I bet she would
for some...candy?
Aaaah!
We should run.
What time is it?
It's : .
Do you know where
your children are?
Andy, that is not funny!
Yeah, I know. I know.
I can't believe
that woman
Hasn't brought
those kids home.
She's so irresponsible!
[Car door opens]
Oh, I hope that's the kids.
Nope! Nope!
That's cheryl.
Okay. All right.
Just remember the plan.
We didn't have a plan.
Right. Act casual.
Hey.
What are you guys
doing?
Just, you know,
casually reading.
Well, he's reading.
He's reading to me.
I think that's good
for today.
Yeah, we can pick up
tomorrow, huh?
So, cheryl,
how was your day off?
Oh, honey, it was great.
Thank you so much.
That was just
the best gift.
You're welcome.
Hey, the feeling
in my foot's
coming back. Ow!
Cheryl: girls, I'm home!
No! Cheryl!
The girls are being punished.
You were so right
about that julia.
She is a bad one.
Do you know what the girls
called me when they came home?
Fatty...poopy pants.
Oh, honey.
Then they broke the lamp.
You see?
This is exactly
what I was afraid of.
I'm gonna go talk
to them right now.
Okay, you go on up there,
But you're just
gonna undermine
all my good work.
And I am not gonna take
responsibility
When they grow up
and become strippers.
Hey, I got a better idea.
Why don't you two girls
continue your relaxing day
At a nice dinner?
I'm buying.
Wow.
What? You're paying
for my dinner?
Yeah. I love you.
Ohh!
Oh, my god!
What have you done?
Where are my kids?
Cheryl, I resent that.
They're not just your kids.
They're my kids, too.
And I don't know
where they are.
What are you saying?
Have you lost my kids?
No, of course not.
They are being cared for
by a responsible adult,
A friend of yours.
I just don't know her name
or where she lives.
But what we've been
able to determine
is she's not asian.
Right.
Well -- augh!
I can't believe
you don't know
where they are.
If they were a box
of snack cakes,
He'd know exactly
where they were.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna call and call
until I find them.
Mommy!
Mommy!
Cheryl, good work.
Oh, hello.
I'm so glad to see you.
Oh, sandy...
Thank you.
I hope the girls had fun
playing with hannah.
Sandy and hannah!
Doesn't ring a bell.
Nope.
Come here, my girls.
[ Smooches ]
thanks, daddy.
We had the bestest
time ever.
We have fun, don't we?
Girls, why don't you run up
and wash up for dinner?
Oh, come on,
I'll take you.
All right,
so, jim, they're
gonna be with me,
Your sister-in-law...
Dana.
Upstairs.
Oh, gracie's jacket's
in the car. I'll get it.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks so much, sandy.
What?
What?
Well, don't look at me
like that.
Come on.
Don't be upset with me.
I had a very rough day.
You know that
"silly sally" song?
Verses I had to sing.
Okay!
So -- so, the one day
I take off in months,
And you lose the girls?
If you say it like that,
Of course
it's gonna sound bad.
Jim!
What?
Honey, you know me.
I do.
You know how
hard it is for me
to take time off.
I suppose that now
I can just
Never leave the kids
with you again.
Is that what you want?
Well, cheryl,
that'd be your call.
No. No, jim.
You are not getting off
that easy. No, no, no.
I am going
to go to a movie again.
And you are gonna
take care of
the kids again.
And if you have
to lose them
or more times
To get it right,
so be it.
I can do that.
Here you go.
Oh, thank you so much.
Hey, do you want
a cup of coffee?
Oh, I'd love one.
Oh, great.
Oh! Did you hear
what happened
at the park today?
Two strange men
were offering candy
to a little girl.
No!
Yes, yes.
But don't worry
because the parents got
A pretty good
description
of the vehicle.
I should probably
sell my car.
Yep.