♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪
♪ ♪
CAROL: Bobby, come on!
♪ ♪
That guy's been following us
all over the market.
JAN: Why does he
keep looking at us
through his hands?
Just ignore him,
and let's get going.
Hi, there.
Oh, you are it,
you are really it.
We are what?
Yeah, I've been looking
for weeks, for months.
Oh, this is exactly right.
The whole ball of wax.
Uh, look, I'm a TV director.
Here, read this
and then we'll rap.
"Skip Farnum Film Enterprises"?
Yeah, that's my company.
We make commercials.
Commercials?
FARNUM: Yeah, TV commercials.
For the big tube.
Well, look, we want
you and your kids
and your husband all on TV
selling our groovy
product "Safe"...
The greatest little
laundry soap in the world.
Us, in a TV commercial?
Yeah.
Wow, that would be so much fun!
( kids talking excitedly)
MARCIA: Alice! Yeah?
I'll help in a minute.
I've just got to tell
Jane the fantastic news!
Oh, no you don't! I
got the phone first!
What fantastic news?
Alice, you won't believe it!
It's crazy! Wait
till I tell Mike.
I'll believe it, I'll
believe it, what?!
Alice, did you hear about it?
Yeah, I heard all about it
except what it's all about.
We're going to be on television!
You're going to
be on television?
Hey, you're going
to be on television?
Yeah, we're gonna
do a commercial
for a funny man who
looks through his hands!
Looks through his hands?
And you're going to
sh**t the commercial
right here in our
house, Mr. Farnum?
Yeah, I got to lay
on a little realism...
You know, the natural look.
Read, enjoy... I got
to go scan the pad.
Wow, look at the
size of that contract
for a one-minute commercial.
Yeah...
You'd think we were
doing Gone with the Wind.
Oh, groovy, man.
Yeah.
Who are you, pussycat?
W-w-w-well, I'm Pussycat Alice.
Oh, that face is, like, real.
It's organic.
Oh, you're definitely
in the commercial, pussycat.
Oh, that's who you
are... Mr. Farnum.
Yeah.
Uh, did Mr. Farnum go?
Um, no, he's around
here somewhere,
um, scanning the pad.
Dad, I hate to be crass
about a thing like this,
but does that contract
mention anything about loot?
We get paid, yes.
Out of sight.
Is it a lot?
Well, uh, considering
the amount of work we do,
um, yeah, it's out of sight.
Wow!
Wait a minute, mister.
The money we make
is going into all our
savings accounts.
Maybe we could just
have some of it now,
for something a little special?
Maybe just a little, Mike?
Well, maybe a little.
Thanks, Dad.
Gaze on that amplifier.
That must cost a bundle.
Ah, maybe a couple
hundred dollars.
You're dreaming.
Nope, I am buying!
With what?
You printing your own money?
The money we'll get for
doing the TV commercial.
Dad said we could
have a little of it now.
You call a couple
hundred dollars a little?
A drop in the bucket.
You make a fortune
on a TV commercial.
Wow.
I could buy that neat
electric train outfit.
I bet I could have a minibike.
After this commercial,
we'll do another one.
We'll make thousands.
Millions.
Maybe more.
I'm so excited about
doing the commercial.
Me, too.
What's the matter with me?
I don't have dates anymore.
Could it be my breath?
I used to have the same trouble.
Now I use Dazzle.
It kills everything
in your mouth,
including your gums.
My trouble is my curls just
won't stand up in the rain.
They get all frizzled.
Next time, try Spring.
It winds your curls up so tight,
it lifts you right
off the ground.
( girls giggling)
I wasn't... you.
Oh, honey, aren't
you finished yet?
( exasperated sigh)
I tell ya, I cannot
make head nor tails
out of this show
business legal double talk.
I think I better have
our attorney check it.
All of that just to
sell a little soap?
Oh, yeah, but not just
soap, honey... Safe.
Oh, a thousand pardons, sir.
The next time I
mention another brand,
I'll wash my mouth
out with Safe.
Well, to tell you the truth,
I don't know how you tell
all those brands
apart, you women.
Well, it isn't easy.
You know, we used
to use Clear and Bright
until we found out
it turned our water
dim and dark.
And that's when we switched.
To what? Help!
Except we found out
that Help didn't help.
And so that's when we turned
to Champ, the Dirt Fighter.
Oh, not Champ, the Dirt Fighter.
( grunting)
Yes, but we found out that
Champ couldn't take the Brady dirt
and lost the title.
And... don't keep
me in suspense.
Well, then that's when
we switched to Best.
When did you start using Safe?
Oh, I forgot, uh...
right between Champ and Best.
Hold it, honey,
you mean, we switched
from Safe to Best?
Right, because Best is best.
Well, yeah, but how
are we going to get up
in front of millions
of people and lie?
What do you mean?
Well, look, we can't do
a commercial about Safe
if you're still using Best.
What, do you mean to say
that all those people
that do commercials
really use the products?
Well, I don't know,
but I think they should.
At least I think we should,
because otherwise it's a fraud.
Gee, I never really
thought of it like that.
You know what? What?
I think I had better
call up Mr. Farnum
and tell him it's off.
Oh, Mike.
Oh, the kids are going
to be so disappointed.
It's a bummer.
Yeah, we practically had
all that money
right in our hands.
Why would I be a fraud?
I don't even use any
kind of laundry soap.
That's not the point.
If we're all in the commercial,
it's like we're all saying
something that's not true.
Get it?
Gee, one minute
we're millionaires,
the next minute
we're broke again.
You know, Alice, I
think we set a record
for the shortest career
in show business.
Yeah.
For one, brief,
shining moment there
I was Pussycat Alice.
( phone rings)
Brady residence.
Hi, Mr. Brady.
Yeah, she's right here.
Hi, honey.
Carol, I just called Farnum
to tell him the
commercial was off.
I hope he wasn't angry with us.
No, no, no, not at all.
Uh, but he did tell me
something important.
What?
We've never used Safe.
Honey, we went
through all that last night.
I told you I did...
No, not this Safe.
You used the old one.
This is the new
and improved Safe.
Just came on the
market last week.
New and improved?
Right, and if
we've never used it,
maybe it is better than Best.
Then we just test
them both and find out.
That's exactly
what I was thinking.
Then it would be perfectly
fair and honest, right?
Right, and if Safe
washes cleaner than Best,
we do the commercial, right?
Yeah, right.
Oh, that's great, honey.
Bye.
Alice, round up the kids.
We've got a Brady
wash-a-thon coming up.
A wash-a-who?
Yeah, there's going
to be a showdown
at the old washing machine.
Safe against Best.
And may the better soap win.
Okay, now, you all know what
you're supposed to do, right?
KIDS: Right.
Well, kids, I never
thought I'd be saying this,
but I want you to go
outside and get dirty.
Okay!
All right!
GREG: You asked for it.
Now, Alice, you're the
only one who will know
which clothes you
washed with which soap.
And your lips are sealed, okay?
Oh, sealed... ( mumbling)
Okay, Pete, let me have it.
My pleasure, sir.
( laughing)
Okay, that ought to be enough.
Pete, that's enough.
Make it real mushy.
I will.
Okay, that looks good.
Okay, remember, smush
it all over each other.
Okay, ready?
Ready. Ready.
Get your hands in there.
One, two, three... smush!
( laughing and squealing)
Are you ready?
Ready.
On your mark... Get set... Go!
( screaming happily)
( laughing and squealing)
Oh, hi, honey.
You're just in time
for the judging. Mm.
On the left is pile "A,"
and on the right is pile "B."
Which one do you
think is the cleanest?
Well... ( chuckles)
Well, uh... Well?
I'd say pile "A."
Well, then, that
makes it unanimous.
I vote for pile "A."
Well, Alice, which
soap is Safe...
"A" or "B"?
The winner is... the
envelope, please.
The winner is...
Well, it says pile "A,"
but I can't remember
whether pile "A"
is Best or Safe.
Oh, no.
What are we gonna do about it?
Oh, no problem, Mr. Brady.
Kids, put your old clothes
back on and dirty up again.
MIKE: Well, this
time I say pile "B."
Pile "B."
Unanimous again.
Okay, the winner
is... pile "B" is Safe.
Then we do the commercial.
TV, here we come!
Well, there you are, Mr. Farnum.
We're all signed,
sealed and delivered.
Out of sight.
Everything checks out, Skip.
No problems, easy to light.
Crazy.
Okay, you folks
study your script.
We're gonna be here Saturday
morning bright and early
to grind the cameras.
Come on, man, let's split.
Hey, now, listen,
are you sure...? Uh...
Mr. Farnum, excuse me.
Uh, do you think we
might get a chance
to rehearse the script?
Yeah, 'cause, you know,
we've never done this before.
Hey, come on, cool it, man.
Listen, don't
worry about a thing.
You just learn those lines
and leave the rehearsing to me.
Ciao.
Right this way, Skip.
Yeah, cool.
Hey, that "no rehearsal"
bit is just great.
You really got it up here, Skip.
Man, I got it everywhere.
And it's a real
natural family, too.
Cool. And that's the way
they're going to stay, dig?
I'm getting cold feet.
Cold feet?
Yeah, have you read this thing?
Boy, that's not going to be easy
doing all this that we're
supposed to be doing.
You mean holding
up a box of soap?
No, I mean holding it up
and not looking
like we're... stupid.
I wonder... What?
You know Laura's cousin
is an actress... Mierna Carter?
Oh, yeah, Myrna.
No, she calls herself "Mierna."
Well, she's not important
or anything like that,
but why couldn't we call her
and ask her for a few tips?
Great. Call her.
Come on, call her.
MIKE ( stiffly): Hi, honey.
Here's that box of Safe
you wanted from the market.
CAROL: Thanks, dear.
And just in time.
I was down to my
last cupful of Safe.
So was the market.
Safe really outsells
all other brands.
That's because Safe cleans
all things better all ways.
I just couldn't do without Safe.
It's the only brand
I feel safe with.
( chuckles nervously)
No, no...
Kids, I'm sorry,
but it's all wrong.
Oh, Mierna, I'm so
glad we called you.
Would you please
tell us what to do?
Yeah, what's wrong?
Well, you know,
you're just reading it.
No one's going to believe
it, you know what I mean?
Um, you're not motivated.
Motivated?
MIERNA: Yeah.
How do you mean?
Oh, well, um, I mean...
like what's your attitude
when you say your lines?
What are you thinking?
How do you... how do you feel?
You know, about
what you're saying?
I never thought of all that.
I didn't, either.
That's important?
Important?
Oh, wow, like... like,
motivation is everything.
I mean, it's what gives
the meaning and the
emotion to acting, you know?
Could we try it again?
Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.
What you're saying...
Michael, Michael, um...
Michael, you think
about it this way:
You think about all
the guys at your office
and how they've been telling you
how great your shirts look.
Mike, how clean.
And that makes you
proud, Mike, proud,
because you know
it's because of Safe.
You see, Mike?
That's the motivation that
gives you the attitude, right?
Yeah, right, yeah.
Okay, okay, so you think
about being at the office.
Yeah, yeah.
And, Carol, Carol,
you're thinking...
you're thinking, "Wow,
he brought me a
box of that stuff."
And that makes you happy
because your husband's proud
of the way you wash his shirts.
See? ( laughs)
Okay, I'll try.
Good, good, good.
And remember, lots of energy.
Keep it up there
because acting
is bigger than life.
Listen, Myrna... Mierna. Mierna.
Uh, Mierna, I don't
think I can do this.
Oh, no, no, no.
You're doing fine.
You're getting it.
Really, you are.
Hey, Mike... Mike,
the seed is there.
All you have to do is
let it grow, you know?
Let it grow, right?
Okay, now let's try it again.
And remember,
up there, energy,
bigger than life.
Okay?
Yeah, okay. Come on.
Hi, honey.
Here's that box
of Safe you wanted
from the office.
Uh, the market.
CAROL ( loudly): Thanks,
dear and just in time!
I was down to my
last cupful of Safe.
So was the market.
Boy, it really outsells
all other brands.
Good, good, good,
good, that's really good.
Only, a little bit
bigger, though.
Because you gotta... you
gotta grab that audience,
you know what I mean? Bigger?
Yes. One more time now.
Come on.
Okay.
Give me my Safe.
MIKE: Hi, honey.
Here's the box of Safe
that you wanted from the market.
Hmm, motivation, huh?
Bigger than life, hmm?
I think I'm going to
try some of that myself.
Parents, kids...
Housekeeper. Housekeeper, yeah.
In that order: parents,
kids, housekeeper.
Groovy. Okay, good.
Okay, now, team.
I want you to listen to
what I'm laying down.
Now, love, you're over
there at the counter,
see, you're making
with the greenery.
Then, pops, you
come flipping in,
and you lay this box of
flakes on the little lady,
then you have a
little rap session,
and then we cut, dig?
I think so. Groovy.
Excuse me, Mr. Farnum,
but when do we get to rehearse?
Oh, we're not going to rehearse.
Oh, don't worry.
Now trust me, pussycat,
it's just going to be great.
Just going to be great.
Here, you stand over here.
Now just trust me.
Groovy, groovy.
Oh... my rock.
Come on, let's make film.
Let me check the sh*t.
Yeah, groovy.
Okay, let's crank one up.
Okay, kids, right in there.
Rolling.
Speed.
Action.
( stiffly): Hi, honey.
Here's that box of Safe
that you wanted from the market.
Wow... And just in time.
I was down to my
last cupful of Safe!
Cut!
Stop.
Stop, stop.
What was that?
I mean, where's
that Mrs. America
that I dug in the parking lot?
And you, pops, my rock.
Man, you look like you
flew in from a feather factory.
I was motivating.
I was thinking of
the boys in the office.
What boys in the office?
The ones who keep telling me
how clean my shirts are.
Yeah, and I was thinking,
"Wow, he brought
me a box of that stuff."
Oh, you're putting me on, right?
Well, I was working
on an attitude.
Me, too.
Attitude?
Well, I'll give you
an attitude: relax.
Look, come in here
for one minute, will you?
Just go in there
and cool it, all right?
Now just unwind, just
sit down and unwind,
and I'll get back
to you in a minute.
Hey, man, are the kids ready?
The kids are
ready, Skip. Groovy.
All right, let's move
it, now, in a hurry.
Are the kids ready?
KIDS: Ready! All
right, let's move it.
I don't know what happens
when you put a camera
on a bunch of squares...
They just flip out.
Baby, baby, just cool it.
It's going to be fine.
Yeah, okay, okay.
Okay, great, great.
Okay, kids, be ready now.
All right.
Rolling.
Speed.
Action.
Cut, cut, cut!
Kids, what's with all this dirt?
We were supposed to be
out playing, Mr. Farnum.
In a swamp?
Well, we made ourselves
extra dirty on purpose.
Yeah, 'cause we know
Safe cleans anything!
We were motivated.
Motiv... oh, man.
Nobody up there digs me.
Come on, out, out.
Get out now, now.
Get yourself cleaned up.
Now, dirty okay, but blech, no.
Out, come on, come on.
Let's go, let's go, out.
Hey, man, the housekeeper.
Is the housekeeper ready?
Housekeeper's ready, Skip.
All right, let's move it
back. Come on, move it.
Is the housekeeper ready?
Come on, let's go, let's go.
It's costing bread,
don't you understand?
Take it easy,
Skip. Okay, all right,
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
All right, housekeeper,
be ready now. Be ready.
ALICE: Ready. Rolling.
Speed.
Action.
Oh, no, no, stop, stop, cut!
Did I do something wrong?
What was that, the
dance of the good fairy?
And what's with that spaghetti?
Look, I was motivating.
Motivating!
Well, I figured that Safe
washed clothes so fast
I had time to go to
the beauty parlor.
Okay... now I'm motivating.
Everybody, everybody
come in here, please.
Everybody in here.
Now, look, I want you to
know that this whole gig is off.
Kaput! I mean, the
whole thing is a washout.
My nice, natural family is
just a bunch of ding-a-lings.
We were only trying to
be helpful, Mr. Farnum.
We took some acting lessons.
We just wanted to
be bigger than life.
Well, you'll be bigger,
but not in my life.
Now come on, get out.
Out. Out of my
house. All of you.
This is my house.
Hmm? Oh.
Come on, man, let's split.
Wrap it up.
Hey, wait a minute.
You know, this whole
scene reminds me
of that horrible actress
we worked with?
What was...? Mierna Carter.
That's the nut... Myrna Carter!
No, Mierna.
FARNUM: Mierna,
Myrna, I don't care!
She blew my mind back there...!
Alice, would you come
here a minute, please?
I still don't understand
this special
delivery letter I got.
It must be quite a letter.
I think you've read it
at least six times
since this morning.
Well, would you sit
down and listen to this?
"In compliance with our
contractual agreement,
"Skip Farnum Film Enterprises
"will meet its
obligation of payment.
"As to manner of payment,
we refer you to
Section , Article C,
Paragraph of contract."
Now what do you
suppose they mean
by "manner of payment"?
Sorry, Hungarian
goulash I understand.
Legal goulash I don't.
Well, I guess we'll
just have to wait
for Mr. Brady to get home.
Maybe he'll know.
( engine rumbling)
What in the world...?
One of you Mrs. Brady?
I'm Mrs. Brady.
Got a delivery for you.
I don't remember
ordering anything.
Maybe Mr. Brady did.
Excuse me... ( sighs)
Sign here.
What am I signing for?
It's from Farnum
Film Enterprises.
Safe laundry soap.
( laughs)
Guess what they meant
by "manner of payment"?
boxes of soap?
Down, Harry.
boxes?
Lady, you got
, boxes coming.
Where do you want them?
Where do you want them, lady?
Oh, Alice.