04x08 - Future Plans

[bunniefuu]

We could look at rings.

Mary Charles, last summer,

if you weren't such a stickler
for prying into the past,

I may never have sought
solace from God again.

You are responsible for me
revisiting my Catholic roots,

as modest as they were.

- MAN: Here to see?
- Rodney Barker.

He's my father.

What's it like in here?

f*cking horrible.

Before we begin, a toast to Chen,

for kissing us in on the sweetest
commercial real estate flip

in anybody's memory.

And why wasn't I in on it?

- You?
- I got money, Chen.

The guys in the deal, they have money.

Which is why I needed to be in on it.

Read the prospectus. I would
need a wire by the rd.

Thank you so much for
including me on this one.

What do you think?

I think Chen is a
billionaire for a reason.

Uh, I should probably offer
Cam a piece of my piece.

I'm asking my parents to open the trust.

I don't need you to do that.

This deal is a winner,
and I need me to do it.

♪

What's the square footage?

sh*t ton.

f*ck ton. Uh, it's a lot.

We get taxed on the square footage.

Yes, at a ridiculously low rate

based on the value of this place,

which right now is below market.

Missy, I can't wait to get taxed

on every square inch
of this square footage

just dying to be turned
into a mixed-use utopia

- for people of goodwill.
- Uh-huh.

Hey, I'm sure some assholes
will eat here and shop here,

but you know, assholes
got lives to live, too.

With the right architect, I
mean, it could be an amazing spot.

- Yeah.
- Urban, yet not all concrete.

People like that. Damn right they do.

Chen said there's a proposal
to put a bike path through here.

Mm, drunk frat bros leaving
restaurants on bikes means lawsuits.

Missy, this is going to be
a very diverse establishment,

not just frat boys. I see
people of all creeds and genders

and races getting f*cked up in here.

- [LAUGHS]
- Just a bunch of diverse drunkenness, man.

And the good news is, our
investment will have cashed out

long before anybody's drinking
drinks and riding bikes.

Ooh, and I wonder what
kind of, uh, easements

we'll need for traffic and parking.

Eh, could be obstacles.

Yeah, that's what bribes are for.

- Bribes are for removing obstacles.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

- _
- [MESSAGE TONE]

- [MESSAGE TONE]
- _

- [MESSAGE TONES]

I'm in.

You said that after
you read the prospectus.

Well, I'm farther in. All in.

But the easements, they got you uneasy.

I mean, it looks good, I think.

Well, stop thinking, Missy.

I was trying!

And then you brought up the
thing about the easements.

I gotta learn to take "yes" for "yes."

Yes. I will go home,

pour myself a stiff drink,

and call my parents tonight.

I'll be your stiff drink.

Save that for the celebration.

All right.

I'm off to see if Cam wants in, too.

Whoa, whoa. Whether he
is in or not, we're in.

You're in, for sure?

For sure.

%,

subject to I gotta talk to my parents.

Oh, my gosh, I feel so
pathetic saying that.

Missy, this is big.

I mean, this is really big.

This is the beginning
of us having to rely

on no one else but ourselves.

- You feel it? You feel it?
- I'm feeling it.

You feel it? You feel it. You feel it.

- I love you.
- Love you.

All right, I'll talk to
you in a little while.

♪♪

Sheila, you got a great jewelry store.

I'm gonna have my assistant, Squeeze,

come by and pick up the ring right now.

How many bowls is that today?

No, Squeeze, like how you
squeezed every last dollar

out of me on this engagement ring.

I'm kidding. You've been great,

and I'll make sure he brings
a signed photo for your son.

Okay, thanks again.

Squeeze, I need you to go
pick up the engagement ring

from that jewelry store
we were at yesterday.

That ring's huge. My card limit
can't handle the cost of that ring.

Dude, it's paid for.

Just go pick it up, bring
it back, and hand it to me.

- On it.
- Squeeze.

Drive there, drive back here.

No pit stops in between.

[MURMURS WITH MOUTH FULL]

Back and forth.

Gotcha.

♪

PROFESSOR: Thank you all for
completing your assignment.

This is my favorite
exercise of Freshman English.

You remember the first day of class,

when I told you that Freshman English

is not necessarily
about creative writing,

but about fostering your
communication skills?

Now the reason I've asked you to compose

the first paragraph
of your autobiography

without your name on it

is because this exercise
isn't a competition

to see who can write
the best autobiography.

It is for you to discover
what it is you think and feel,

so that you might realize
how to better communicate

your ideas and your
experiences to others.

We're going to read
one another's work aloud

without identifying who wrote it.

- Uh, Professor Brown?
- Yes, Joe.

You never said we were gonna
do this. You know, read aloud?

Well, I may not have said

those particular words
in that particular order,

but that is why there is a syllabus.

Can I have mine back?

Well, they're all jumbled up now

and no one's name is on it.

I used Copperplate Gothic Light font

so I should be able to pick mine out.

- Did anyone else use Copperplate Gothic Light font?
- [LAUGHTER]

Joe, you can't be in the
class and also run the class.

Now, if someone reads the
first line of your essay

and you remain reluctant,

just say "stop," and we shall stop.

- If you say so.
- Well, I have said so.

Folks, this is a supportive,
nurturing university,

but this class, as was described
when you registered for it,

involves moments where
we share your work aloud.

We have now arrived at
one of those moments.

Therese, please, start us off.

Oh, don't worry, Joe. The
font appears to be Helvetica.

I know my Helvetica. That's my sh*t.

Who else is rocking Helvetica?

Therese...

- Sorry.
- You should be.

I'll start.

"My parents ran a camp on Walleye Lake.

I hated sharing my parents' time

with so many unappreciative
rich kids, but it didn't all suck.

The camp was where I
learned to hunt and fish.

I sh*t my first deer there.

It bled out in front of
me, twitching and moaning.

It made me feel powerful,

like I was a rifled god,
the giver and taker of life.

When it heaved its last few breaths,

I said a prayer of
thanks to my real lord

who'd provided me not only with
a rite of adolescent passage,

but also with the
meat for a venison chili

that I would make with my grandmother."

Excellent.

Thank you, Therese.

Joe, you're up to read next.

Just grab the one on top, Joe.

"I always felt like I
shouldn't even be alive.

How do you write about your history

when you don't know the details
of how that history began?

I spent years wanting to know,

needing to know but not knowing.

Something felt off.

I felt alienated without
knowing what 'alienated' meant.

My kid heart was sad.
My kid head felt foggy.

I was, in a word, flailing.

In another word, bereft."

Thank you, Joe.

Uh, there's more.

"Ultimately, my imagination
couldn't have imagined the truth.

My mom had me when she
herself was just a kid.

I don't know where
she found the strength

to not only carry me to
term, but to raise me.

See, my mom was...

- My mom was... "
- Give me.

Uh, sorry, Professor Brown.

Sorry, Joe. Didn't meant
to snatch so abruptly.

I'm just gonna go and do some tweaks.

So if you'll excuse
me. Sorry, everybody.

Didn't mean to blow the
whole anonymous thing.

I loved the dead deer
sh*t. That was great.

My uncle, uh, sh*t a
buck in our backyard once.

Made me sad.

♪

REGGIE: Yo.

Thanks for coming on short notice.

That's my job. Happy to do it.

You look more agitated than happy.

I'm sorry, this is my
resting agitation face.

Happens when I'm summoned on
short notice for vague reasons

not specified in the text or call.

Invited, not summoned.

Hmm, says the guy who's in
charge to the guy who's not.

I need to run something by you anyway.

- Regarding... ?
- Nothing, it's just, uh, the usual.

Well, actually it's, uh, unusual,

but it's a good unusual,

potentially profitable unusual.

A deal that we are
about to get kissed into.

- Can it wait?
- Yes. What's up?

I know I could've tipped you
off to the reason why I summoned,

but this ain't the
type of thing to text.

What's going on?

- A lot.
- Define "a lot."

- Why don't you sit for a minute?
- I'm good standing.

- I'd prefer if you sit.
- Burn more calories standing.

- Sit, please.
- What the f*ck is going on?

I'll tell you when you sit!

When a man is asked to sit,

it is usually in
anticipation of knee-buckling

after he gets some bad news.

What is the bad news?

Holy sh*t. Are you f*ring me?

No! Will you chill and sit?

Oh, no! Who did you get pregnant

that you ain't supposed to get pregnant?

Was it the reporter chick, Isa?

Well, at least you'll get
in the Guinness Book, man.

What is she, like ?

-something, and no, it ain't Isa.

No, no one is pregnant by me.

Well, I've sat. I'm sitting.

I have impregnated no one.

Coach Healey d*ed.

Let me tell you something
about fat... fat kills.

Fat is a silent, deadly k*ller.

Coach is alive. No one's d*ed.

Then why am I sitting?

I'm asking Allison to marry me.

- What?
- I'm asking Allison to marry me.

No, I heard you. That was more
of a "huh" than a "what." When?

Soon. We've discussed, but informally.

Right, but have the words "Will you
marry me?" come out of your mouth?

Not yet, that's why I said I'm
asking, as in I'm gonna ask.

Good. Good, good, good.

Well, what do you mean, good?

Well, you don't know what "good" means?

Have we really reached that point?

- Aren't you gonna congratulate me?
- You haven't asked yet.

I'm not gonna prematurely
congratulate you.

Yeah, but I'm going to and
I want you to be my best man.

- Fine.
- Fine?

Again, you haven't proposed,

so all these issues are inessential.

Of course, I'm honored that
you asked me to be your best man

just like you were mine,
but that's not a surprise.

The surprise is you're getting engaged.

- If she says yes.
- Of course she's gonna say yes.

You already pre-asked.
Sounds like she pre-accepted.

The question is, why you
asking her to marry you?

- I love her.
- Besides that.

- I want to marry her.
- Besides that.

What do you mean, "besides"?

Man, those two things
don't got a "besides."

Why are you asking her to marry you?

I think she's gonna make
an amazing wife and mother.

- And?
- And I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

- And?
- And she makes me feel like life is worth living

despite the inherent
despair and insanity.

- Those are good reasons.
- Yeah, I happen to think so.

So what's the hurry?

- What hurry?
- This hurry.

We've been dating for over a year.

So one-twenty-seventh of your life?

You're throwing fractions at me now?

No, I'm just saying this is something

that we haven't really discussed before.

Yeah, because I'm telling
you that I'm doing this.

I'm not asking for your permission.

I didn't say you were.

Can I ask your permission
to ask you something?

Sure.

Why don't you have a seat?

What, for a question?

I mean, this is a question,
right, and not some bad news.

sh*t, you got bad news you
need to tell me about Allison?

No, I don't have bad news about Allison.

- Then why am I sitting?
- Because it's a serious question.

How well do you know her parents?

- Not well at all.
- Exactly.

Don't be throwing vague "exactlys."

All right, I'll be specific.

I didn't know my in-laws that well,

and it has been a source of contention.

- What kind of contention?
- It's not important.

- I never knew that.
- Now you do.

- You all right?
- Yeah, it's under control.

- You need to talk about anything?
- No, I do not.

I'm marrying Allison, not her parents.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, sh*t! [LAUGHS]

[COUGHS]

God.

S... oh, you gotta say that again.

I'm marrying Allison, not her parents.

- [LAUGHS]
- Okay, that laughter's gotta mean something.

That sh*t wasn't that f*cking funny.

Now for the specifics.

I hate when you hold
your finger up and pause.

Mm.

Uh, how her parents, like,
interact with each other

and how they interact with Allison,

this is how she's gonna
expect marriage to be with you.

Now for guys like us who did not
grow up with a father in the house,

man, we think it's just great

that we're present in a
committed relationship.

Not people from stable homes.

Very high expectations.

Observe?

- All right.
- All right.

Uh, and another thing real quick.

Do you remember how we used to drink

uh, a ton of Mountain
Dew when we were younger?

Then we got tired of it,
switched to Orange Fanta.

Exactly.

Hate "exactlys." All "exactlys."

We quit drinking Mountain Dew
'cause we thought it messed

with our sperm count.
That's been discounted.

No, we quit because we got tired of it

and we moved on to the... the wonderful,

mysterious world of Orange Fanta.

Oh, I just want to ask her to marry me.

I hardly drink soda anymore.

Well, let's just say,
you know, you want a soda.

Just for old time's sake.

Then I'll choose from the many sodas

in the machine that I get for free.

No, you can't, because now
you're married to Orange Fanta,

so guess what, Orange Fanta is
the only soda you will drink.

You get married, that
machine is out the door.

It's replaced with an
Orange Fanta machine

with nothing but Orange Fanta
because you chose Orange Fanta

and people with integrity,
they stick with their decisions.

Cam, you just gotta know
that you're choosing wisely

and you have to know there's a potential

for you to tire of Orange Fanta.

Yo.

Are you getting tired
of, you know, with Missy?

Hell, no. Hell, no, man.

Missy is the entire
supermarket soda section.

Plus, she lets me drink
it in provocative ways.

You know, sometimes I
sip, penetrate, you know...

Aw, yeah, that's enough.

Well, look, you asked about it,
you know, so I'm telling you.

Look, I'm lucky. I
am aware of that luck,

but this ain't about me. This
is about you, years hence.

How am I supposed to know this?

From honest, married men
who love their cousins

and tell them the truth. Do not panic.

You just gotta do some reconnaissance.

Uncle J used to say the most
important thing a man can do

before marrying a woman, meet the mom.

- I've met the mom.
- And?

- And what?
- Jesus, Cam, how does she look?

You ever seen her laugh, dance,

grab Allison's dad's ass in the kitchen?

No, I mean, she's
pretty, but when I met her

I was just trying to
impress her and Mr. Pierce.

Well, if you want to know what the
future Allison is gonna look like,

size up the mom.

- Well, Goddamnit, man!
- What?

We should've had this conversation
a while ago. I had time.

Now I got this ring about
to burn a hole in my pocket,

and you rattling me, man! What the
f*ck, man? I just bought the ring!

Look, diamonds are forever,

and they can be resold on the
diamond exchange, all right?

Relax. I'm sure you two are gonna
be just as lucky as me and Missy.

I'm going to her parents' house
to ask for their blessing today.

Well, good. Before you ask for
the blessing, do me a favor.

I want you to sniff
around, observe, learn.

If you learn something
that gives you pause, pause.

Get a little more intel. Slow your roll.

- You're k*lling me, man.
- You're good.

Your gut is telling you to go get her.

She's a great girl. I
just want you to verify

that the future has legs. And an ass.

Hey, I want to talk to you about

a real estate investment
real quick, all right?

I got other sh*t on my mind right now.

Okay, uh, tomorrow then?

A married man can never
have too much money.

- I gotta go.
- All right.

Big congrats, Cam.

Hey, no premature congratulations.

I just need one hour to
show you this investment.

- You're gonna love it.
- Tomorrow.

Today, I spy on old women.

Hey, when Squeeze gets back,
tell him give you the ring.

No, I don't want that responsibility.

Well, you got it anyway,
says the guy who's in charge

to the guy who just f*cked his mind up.

Should have thought about
that before you had me sit.

♪

♪♪

[SIGHS]

I know this is unconventional.

Yes, but I understand.

- You do?
- I'm a child of the ' s.

Okay. Well, um, do you mind
if I take notes on my phone?

If that'll help you
come to some conclusions.

It will. So, um... how often?

How often what?

Do you and Mr. Pierce...

Often. Very often.

Very, very often.

Well, all right, then. [CHUCKLES]

But again, that's me and him.

You and my daughter,
I'd rather not speculate.

- Who can, really?
- Apparently you

or you wouldn't be here
asking me questions like this.

Allison has good genes.

Libido has never been
a problem in this house.

Good to know. Thank you.

Is that all you need?

Well, there was one other
thing, but... nah, forget it.

You were hoping to see me undress?

Um... Don't be shy.

You can see how I've held up.

Nah, I... I can see how you've held up.

Uh, th... things seem to
be in their proper place.

[CHUCKLES] Compliments to the chef.

And, so sorry that I
ever even came over.

I don't want my daughter marrying a guy

who's worrying about the unknown.

I so appreciate your offer to get naked.

I just... I... I think it
would be... disrespectful.

Why don't I just take my top off?

I would hate to have Mr. Pierce
walk in and have to explain.

Oh, don't worry about him.
He's a kinky m*therf*cker.

Ahem.

♪

Mr. and Mrs. Pierce!

Hey there, Cam. What's up, Cam?

Got something I want to ask you both.

♪

You know, trying to navigate my way

through this confirmation
stuff is heavy.

I mean, when we started
on the acts of mercy,

I considered the
spiritual ones, you know.

Advising, consoling... and I
console the hell out of sad people.

I mean, all my life people
been needing my opinion

about, you know, how to wrestle
demons and stuff, and I deliver.

So I'm familiar with the
spiritual acts of mercy

but the corporal acts
of mercy? Ooh, Lord.

I mean, those poor children
down at the cancer ward,

the homeless soup kitchen people.

I used to not need a
reason to be more depressed.

But I still need one more
really big corporal act of mercy,

but the Lord ain't answering my
prayer to get this stuff checked off

so I can get confirmed,
you know what I'm saying?

My mom's waiting for me outside.

Mine, too.

Well, my mother's waiting
for me in the afterlife,

- so you could both just...
- Okay, everyone.

That's all for tonight.
Class is dismissed.

Now, make sure you do your
homework for next time, okay?

It's not a lot. Just a couple
of pages in the workbook.

I know it may seem like
we're just gonna confirm

anyone who wants to be a Catholic,

but you owe it to
yourselves to do the work.

But Father, I still have
so many more questions.

The Lord loves our curiosity.

[SIGHS] I'm just trying to
give it my all in this last task

He's asking of me before I truly commit.

Cassie, the Lord spoke to me.

He told me to tell you to chill out.

Let's talk while we walk.

Okay. All right.

♪

I know it's a big ask.

SAMUEL: An ask?

Is that all you're calling it?

, is not an ask.

It is , .

CAMILLE: years old always seemed like

a sensible age to open your trust.

Young enough to be starting,

and old enough not to be an idiot.

I'm two years from now.

I'm not getting any
smarter in months, Mom.

And... and this investment
won't be available then.

This isn't to bail anyone out
of their gambling losses, is it?

Uh, no!

But, as a matter of
fact, this opportunity

did come directly from
Reggie's poker game.

Wonderful. Let's give your trust money

to a bunch of guys who lose
similar amounts playing cards.

This sounds risky.

You say you put this money aside

so that I would be secure.

I am. And... and this deal

whether it is a success or a failure,

is as good a time as any to
put that security to the test.

And besides, what have you two
always told me about real estate?

BOTH: They ain't making any more land.

[LAUGHS] Technically not
true in the age of landfill.

In Dubai, they have a man-made
island shaped like a palm tree.

You both sowed this seed
when I was barely a teenager,

and you made me save my own
money for Destiny's Child tickets.

I have been prepping
for this my entire life.

I am never gonna be more
ready than I am right now.

Imagine if you could've
cemented your financial future

with one smart strike.

You would've done it!

Let me show you how the
seed you planted can bloom.

[SIGHS]

We'll talk to our trustee,

but it isn't as simple
as writing a check.

I... I know, Mom. I know.

Thank you. I love you guys.

Better tell the trustee
you love him, too.

CAMILLE: Good night, dear.

- Good night.
- Samuel, say good-bye to your daughter.

Bye. [CHUCKLES]

How do you turn this thing off?

Night, Daddy.

Reggie! Get your stiff self in here!

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

M-Chuck. It's Therese, from class.

I got your number from
the class contact sheet.

Hey, Therese.

Listen, I'm sorry for
my weird-out today.

Um, did Joe crap his pants

and take some of the
heat off my freak-out?

THERESE: [CHUCKLES] No.

Joe didn't crap his pants
and you didn't freak out.

I just wanted you to know that I think

you're really cool, smart, and funny

and if you ever want to get
together just to hang out,

talk, sh**t a mammal, I'm around.

[CHUCKLES] Well, the
feeling's mutual, Therese,

and God knows there's too
many mammals in the world.

So... what's going on this weekend?

CASSIE: Hail Mary full of
grace, our Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women.

Blessed is the fruit of thy womb.

[SIGHS]

Mary, I love that prayer, but...

I gotta use my own words
to work this one out.

You see, I'm on this journey,

and I want to give it
my whole heart and soul.

I just need your guidance with
my last corporal act of mercy.

I mean, you dealt with some
messed up stuff back in the day,

and you were just a woman
walking this Earth, just like me.

And now here it is, ,
some odd years later,

and I'm sitting here
talking to a statue of you.

I mean, you had to have
done something extraordinary.

Well, that's what I want.

Something extraordinary.

Hey. Am I interrupting?

I was wondering where you went.

One minute you were crushing candy,

- the next you were gone.
- [CHUCKLES]

Well, I'm just hoping for a sign,

for help with my last
corporal act of mercy

but Mary's not talking.

You could go up to
Boston and see Rodney.

Seems like there's some loose ends,

that need a loop or two closing.

It would also qualify as
visiting the imprisoned.

[CHUCKLES] Look at you,

knowing that visiting the imprisoned
is a corporal act of mercy.

- Hmm.
- Stanislaw J. Lec,

a poet and aphorist who is probably
illegal in my country, once wrote,

sort of, "If you sleep in
her bed, dream her dreams."

While my love has been racing
towards being confirmed,

I have done a little research
so I'm able to stay in touch

with this new part of your life.

Plus, Belgian prep schools are
crawling with Catholics, so...

osmosis, I guess.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You know I'm gonna need the jet, right?

At this point, my pilot could
fly to Boston in his sleep.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪

♪ Every night ♪

ALLISON: If I knew I was
gonna be wearing a blindfold,

I would've worn different shoes.

CAM: Almost there.

Why do I smell tacos?

Keep your eyes closed!

I have a blindfold on.

Well, no peeking.

Well, I couldn't even if I wanted to.

Now, we're... we're almost here.

Okay.

Come on, just a little bit.

- Mm-hmm.
- All right, turn.

Okay. And... sit.

- Oh.
- [LAUGHING] Sit.

- Okay.
- Ahem.

All right, you can look now.

♪ When I'm with you, girl ♪

♪ When I'm with you ♪

♪ The way you hold me, hold me ♪

♪ In your arms, oh so tight ♪

♪ So tight ♪

♪ The way that you do girl ♪

Come here.

♪ The way that you do ♪

♪ I don't mind ♪

♪ The hustle and the
bustle and the grind ♪

♪ It's all worth it ♪

♪ Because of you ♪

♪ See, I've been all alone ♪

♪ For so long ♪

♪ I thought no one would come along ♪

♪ Then you appeared ♪

♪ Straight out of heaven ♪

♪ Now I want to thank you ♪

♪ By singing this song ♪

♪ Let me thank you ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ I want to thank you, love ♪