02x06 - Gum Drop

[bunniefuu]

( music playing )

( indistinct chatter )

- Yeah,
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

?
sh*t.

Mate, it's a cr*cker of a part,
isn't it?

Oh yeah, bloody scorcher, eh.

And if you were
the peggy paddypops, tiggity
boo.

Oh mate, none the nasty.
Sure is the willy wagtow.

Mm-hmm.

Wait a minute, Wray Nerely?

Yeah.

- London to a brick, it's him.
- Man, it's Cash.

Dude, "Spectrum" was huge
back home down under.

Thank you. Thank you.

Except we called it
"spacey plane sh**t-'em-up."

- (imitates space g*ns sh**ting)
- ( chuckles )

- You know the one?
- Man, what happened to you,
mate?

Oh! This is, um...

I'm in character, for the
audition.

Oh.

Wait a minute, they're making
the Wray Nerely audition?

Right?

I mean, that's-- I agree.

A pro like you shouldn't have
to wait out here.

- Here, you're next.
- Oh, no way-- thank you.

- Thanks a lot, man, I
appreciate that.
- No worries.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Yep, yep, yep.

Honestly, I shouldn't
even bother going in.

There's no way I'm going
to get the part of Doctor
Trimmings

over Wray freaking Nerely.

- Eh?
- Yeah, jeez.

You're auditioning
for Doctor d*ck Trimmings?

I kinda-- I saw you guys
as sort of leading man types.

Oh, no, no, they went to names
on that one. Yeah.

Plus, you gotta be, like,
balls handsome for that role,
eh?

- Yeah.
- I mean, we're more like

- the loveable everyman type.
- Yeah.

Does every man
in Australia look like...

( laughter )

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

- Wray.
- Hmm?

I like what you're doing
with all the...

yeah, character work.

- Thanks man.
- Yeah.

- Bit of advice though?
- Yeah.

I'd save it for the room,

because you just look a
bit weird, you know, mate?

Bit like a plackybub babywhip.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Exactly like a plackybub
babywhip.

Yeah, mate, it's hard to look
at.

Well, woof!
That certainly did not go your
way.

Yikes.

Hey everyone, so it's a
little bit of a cold room in
there.

Don't expect much of a response
and don't let that throw you

like the last guy, 'cause damn.

I'm still here.

And you'll get 'em next time,
Reg.

Yeah.

Okay, maybe we should
just take our lunch break.

Oh my God,
but is that the time?

Okay, you know what?
Let's just squeeze one more in.

( muttering )

Number five?

- I think you, um...
- Five?

I think I'm five...

- Yep, okay, come on.
- Go get 'em.

So good to see you, Wray.

Everybody, this is Wray Nerely.

- Wray, this is the team.
- Hello.

Head of marketing,
advertising associate,

and brand ambassador.

Is it, uh, Bring Your Kid
To Work Day?

Oh, that's the social media
team. We answer to them.

No sh*t.

Where's Diego?

Oh, the director
went to lunch early,

but just think of him
as being right here.

Boob.

Because I'll be live-streaming
this session to him, yeah.

Oh, oh.

Hi, it's Wray.

Tits good to--
It's good to see you.

The connection is not great
and there's a delay,

but he can see you
and hear you.

It's Wray, tits good to--
it's good to see you.

Hola, Ray.

And any character questions can
be directed to head of
marketing.

Can I just wait till Diego comes
back?

Read now or don't,
but do not waste our time.

Okay.

And you got this.

( keys clacking )

Nobody-- nobody's looking at me.

The modern audience
is distracted, so that's how
we're running the auditions.

You gotta cut through the noise,
Wray.

Diego: Hi, Wray.
Yes, I am doing very well.

Thank you for asking.

I-- do--
( voice cutting in and out )

Cindy, I'm looking at his resume
and I'm seeing a lot of sci-fi.

Hold on, hold on, I--
Who were you in "The Swollen"?

I was the Swollen.

I mean, I was--
really I was the Swelling,

because they did stop-motion
for the last bit

once he was fully swole.

Yeah, I only saw the fully
swole part. It was : a.m.

You know, that movie actually
did quite well with - to
-year-olds.

- Oh.
- Yeah, but that was years
ago,

so they're to now.

Lots of college debts,
it's terrible.

Um, "Star Countess," I saw
that poster. It was good, you
were on it.

Yeah, I was on the poster.

You played some sort of gay
vampire.

No, not gay, British.

It says here you were nominated
for a GLAAD award.

Well, it's an honor
just to be nominated.

It is.

Wray, you'll be reading
with Sarah, here.

Hi, Wray.
I'm a big fan.

I will see you in Hell!

Aw, sh*t.

- ( laughs )
- Wait, what's that from?

He played Cash on "Spectrum."

It was a big hit.

Why haven't I heard of it?

- It's a cult hit.
- Uch. Uch.

So Wray, we're just going to
read that first scene.

At the bank? I only have
a couple of lines in that one.

Yep, and go.

( clears throat )

Drop the g*n.
Drop the g*n!

Trimmings hasn't entered the
scene.

Just stay.

Sorry, Sarah.

Drop the g*n.

Drop the damn g*n!

Go to hell, Slater!

You don't want to do this.

I know you're scared.

You don't know nothing, Slater!

I know you're hurting.

You think you lost your son,
but you didn't.

Not yet.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that I can still
save him if you put down the
g*n.

He's going into
antiphallic shock, but there's
still time.

Antiphallic shock? Sounds like
more of your bullshit,
Slater.

I'm telling the truth.

No, you're not.
Yes, I am.

My partner, Trimmings,
is in the other room with an
Epi-pen.

Don't sh**t, okay?

Trimmings!

Listen, Ronnie, I can save him.
I just need a little space.

- ( grunts )
- ( gasps )

( coughs, wheezes )

Kyler! You're okay, buddy.
You're okay.

- ( chuckles )
- Believe me now, Ronnie?

Trimmings, get that kid to the
ICU.

Both:
Let's get you to--

Oh, sorry, that's your line.

Let's get this kid to the
hospital.

And, scene.

Okay, really great.
I have a few notes.

- Okay.
- Okay.

( loud gum chewing )

Okay, awesome.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

- ( clicking )
- ( crunching )

Right, okay.

- ( scratching )
- ( keys clacking )

( dinging )

- Thank you!
- ( giggling )

( chewing, dinging )

( loud pop )

Could you please stop with the
gum?

Whoa.

Man, I drove all the way
to the valley for this,

for this guy over here
browsing Reddit on his phone.

Yeah, I see you.

He's not even embarrassed!

Jeez.
( nervous laugh )

Jeez? You know what?

I wasn't even gonna get into
this,

but it's "anaphylactic shock."

"Anaphylactic," not
"antiphallic."

"Antiphallic" is anti-penis.

It's opposed to d*ck,
which I wish you were

because I'm seeing
your Grindr over there

and it's d*ck, d*ck, d*ck, d*ck,
d*ck,

and balls and no pubic hair.

Where does that--
I mean, when did that start
happ-

Listen, it's "anaphylactic
shock."

I'm sorry we need to get this--
( static ) I see you!

( static ) ...it's "anaphylactic
shock"!

Mm-hmm, that's
pretty good doctoring, Wray.

I'm out.

Except I've gotta say to you,
where were you?

Where were you when she
stepped on one of my only two
lines in the whole thing?

May I have some room here to
create?

Or should I just be thankful
that she didn't steal the first
one as well?

Uh...

For the love of God,
drop the g*dd*mn gum!

Look, I have very few precious
sh*ts at things I like.

I come in here all fired up
to do a good job.

I just need some back up.

Where were you-- ( static )
on May of the first--

For the love of God,
drop the g*dd*mn gum!

sh*t-- fire-- I need some
backup.

Come on, Wray!

We are on
the same sinking ship, people.

That's right, I'm on her,
you're on her,

you're on her, you're on her,
you're on her,

you three in the
back, you're on her.

How are you drinking coffee?
You've gotta be like, what, six?

Oh, oh.
Big man.

Girl.

Where are your parents?

It is an injustice and I object

and it's your behavior

that makes me the assh*le.

Come on, Wray, you can do it.

You're on her...( static )
look, an assh*le.

Well...

two out of three's not bad.

Get out.

I'm out.

Wow.

( phone ringing )

Hello.

Wait, are you sure?

No, of course, absolutely.

Wray, wait, don't go anywhere.

Diego wants you
to read for another part.

What part?

( both muttering )

Come on, buddy.
Just--

- Okay.
- Just calm down, stay right
here.

I just wanna start this out
with an apology.

I'm so sorry.

( clapping )

Amazing job in there.

Thank you for opening our eyes,
you know?

I didn't know they were closed.

You have got my vote.

Oh, oh, um, got my vote.

( chuckles )

Wow.

Thorry, I couldn't resitht.
It's thuch a good thcript.

Yeah.

Aah!

- There.
- Ah, ha, ha!

Thanks, Wray.

( elephant trumpet )

Man: Aw, go!

He's a silly little elephant.

- ( trumpets )
- Oh, yeah?

( music playing )

Lou Ferrigno,
he's doing a stage adaptation

of John Steinbeck's
"Of Mice and Men."

This is "Of Mice and Men:
The Musical."

- You're Lenny.
- I'm the hulking man,

who you don't want to make
angry. He's the size of a
grizzly bear.

Yep.

Put everything you have left
into the stinger.

- You won't get lift.
- Just do it.

Who wants to watch
that clip a fifth time?

( audience boos )

I need my medicine.