02x16 - Safety First & Cavendish Unleashed

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at that sun
Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest
I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox
Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful
As it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Today is gonna
Be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring
Even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring
Even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

[funk music playing]

[animals chattering]

Wow, this is pretty crazy,
even for me.

I guess I should start
at the beginning.

[Milo] It was a quarter after
: this morning

and I was meeting,
Zack and Melissa at the park,

-when suddenly...
-Stop, Milo.

Oh, I'll stop when you start
believing in magic.

What's with the magic, kit?

I'm helping Zack and Melissa
with their student film.

I figured they could use
some special effects.

You, sir, with the stop sign, place these
handcuffs on my wrists.

Well... Okay...

No tricks up my sleeve, make sure those
handcuffs are good and tight.

I just wanna
clarify something.

Elliot and I do not get handcuffed
together at this time.

All right, Houdini,
you are all set. Wow me!

And one, two, three!

Milo, you're handcuffed to my sign.

Don't worry, I have the key.

[clatters]

Whoo, that was a close call.

[cracking]

So... Do you know any magic tricks?

Milo isn't here with the magic kit

and two of our actors are late.

Hey, film geeks!

-What's up?
-Bradley!

Where is Scott the undergrounder?

You were supposed to bring him.

He's not coming.

He said he had an appointment.

He lives in a sewer and his girlfriend is
a milk carton.

What kind of appointment could he have?

Mildred, I'm not being chauvinistic.

You have an actual expiration date.

How can we make a film called
the old man on the bench

without the old man?

Don't panic, all we have to do is find a
grown up with no life

who's sitting around in the middle of the
day with nothing to do.

[man on TV] Well Time Ape, Once again...

We've had the time of our...

[TV switches off]

[cell phone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, hi Milo's friend girl!

Be in your film?

Uh... You know,
I'm pretty busy.

[barks]

But my schedule just opened up.

Email me the script, I'll read
it on the way over.

Can't you just let me hold
the stop sign?

It would be so much easier.

Having you holding this sign
would be unsafe.

See, this is what happens if you even...

[exclaiming] Now you get the electromagent
out of my bag.

Got it! I'm gonna turn it on.

Just remember to throw it away from us...

[Milo] Or this might happen.

[clanking]

[Milo] Turn it off now.

[clattering]

Hey, the top of this sign
comes right off.

[exclaims] My baby!
Hold on... There we go.

Well, the cuffs are off now.

Great, Now I can be rid of him.

[screaming]

[exclaims in slow motion]

This is where we got handcuffed together,
but not wrist to ankle.

Okay, go ahead!

[screaming]

[horns blaring]

Here we go, Elliot!

[stammering]

Well, at least I'm not cuffed
to your sign right?

Where is Doofenshmirtz,
people, we are losing light!

Calm down, he said, he'd be right over.

♪ Check out my bling bling
and the wheels thing ♪

♪ Got -karat napkin rings ♪

♪ Oh, they're gonna oblige you
Whenever I find you ♪

♪ Eating chick chick
chicken wings ♪

♪ Check out my ride
I know you tried to hide... ♪

Doofenshmirtz is in the house.

What up?

What up, everyone?

-This is my entourage, doggie dog.
-[barks]

Old school, cause he's actually a dog.

Now about this script.

What about my script?

It stinks.

Literally, I spilled pickled
herring on it.

Anyway, doggie dog and I have
come up with a new script

and it's pretty sweet.

This is just the word "bark" written a
whole bunch of times.

Pretty sweet.

[barks]

I'm sorry, Dr. D, but we're going to split
the script that we wrote.

Oh, that's it, I'm walking,
I'm out the door.

-I am out...
-We're giving everyone free lunch.

Okay, I'm in.

I knew I shouldn't have
helped you with your trick.

I cannot live like this. Safety first.

Must stay safe, buffalo!

Did you just say, buffalo?

[scary music playing]

What happened?

I don't know but clearly that word
triggered from repressed traumatic event.

-Word, what word?
-Buffalo!

Buffalo?

[scary music continues]

Elliot! Elliot!

Are you gonna do that everytime I say
the word buff...

Yes, wait a second, what's going on here?

[Milo] I don't know but, wow, what a mess!

What's with all the capybaras, sir?

Better not make any loud noises, boys.

These capys get spooked, they can stampede
worse than...

Don't say that!

-Don't say what?
-Buffalo.

[scary music playing]

[Elliot screaming]

Yup, that's pretty much the loud noise I
was talking about.

-[screaming continues]
-[capybaras chirping]

Run, Elliot!

That's a pretty wise choice, boys.

Okay, Bradley, We'll sh**t you
on the bench first.

Then we sh**t Doof on
the bench as future you

with your life ruined.

-Ouch!
-Okay, let's get rolling.

And... Action!

Blake, I want to know your feelings.

Cut cut!

Doof, what are you doing! That was great!

Boring! You need action

like maybe if I, I did some push-ups
in the background, like...

[grunting, cracking]

One.

Boy, by the time
he's finished,

I really will be an old man.

Okay, just one.

Oh, you know what, we need
something unexpected, like,

like, if I was suddenly to cry out without
warning. Like this.

[exclaims] Oh, no, see, but that was
with warning, so...

[exclaims] See that one was without
warning. Better, right?

Doof, these suggestions are great. But
we're running out of time.

Whatever, I just thought you
wanted to make a good movie.

Okay. Amanda, Bradley, great energy,
right. We're going to do it again.

And... Action.

Blake, I want to know your feelings.

But you are like a clam that has been left
in the ice too long, and I...

[Melissa] Cut! Dr. Doofenshmirtz,
what are you doing?

These are all the emotions
I'm going to be having.

I'm doing a little foreshadowing,

because, you know, you're going to be
seeing me in the park later.

Please, just stick to the script.

Whatever, it's your movie.

Okay, one more time. And... Action!

[inhales and exhales]

Pine cones for sale!

Buy a pine cone to help an old woman.

That's it! I cannot work with this man.

Old woman.

I am walking.

You can't walk because I'm walking.

I'm walking right now.

I'm going to do it. I'm gonna walk.
I'm gonna get...

Oh. Well what do you know, she walked.

Well, if she's out, I'm out.

Wow! What a couple of divas. Am I right?

[Elliot screaming]

[capybaras squealing]

Not again!

You think there's something in here that
can make this whole day disappear?

[Elliot screaming]

I think we're starting to pull ahead.

[squealing]

[Mlliot moaning]

[crashing]

Hey, my hand is free.

That's great!

You know, I'll be honest. I don't know how
this happened.

Oh-oh! Here they come again.

[capybaras squealing]

[squealing continues]

[Elliot screaming]

You are a buffalo to everyone around you!

Elliot. What's with you and buffaloes?

Wait, not buffalo, marshmallow.

Marshmallow?

Yes! Marshmallow rhymes with buffalo.

It happened years ago.

Marshmallow doesn't rhyme with buffalo.

I went to the circus with my parents.

[Milo] This guy is rhyming
marshmallow with buffalo.

[Elliot] They bought me a bag
of marshmallows.

I was throwing it in the air.

My mother said, "Don't
throw that bag in the air.

"Remember! Safety first."

Then, it happened.

That's it?

That caused the lifelong pathological
addiction to safety?

Let me finish.

Those marshmallows
were just the beginning.

[crashing]

[screaming]

It was because of my carelessness
with those marshmallows,

that everything was ruined!

Milo, for years I've been tormented,

and now I know why.

Kinda weird that marshmallows triggered
your memory of the circus disaster,

we just ran through an actual circus.

The point is, now that my marshmallow
memory is no longer repressed.

I'm free!

Except that I'm still handcuffed to you.

No, it's okay. While you were freaking
out, I found a spare key.

You've got a spare key?

Yeah, I found it while you were busy
rhyming buffalo with marshmallow.

There you go. Now you don't have to be
obsessed with safety anymore.

Are you kidding? I'm going to be more
obsessed with... Safety.

[Zack] I don't know Melissa.
I hope this works.

Come on, Zack, everyone's waiting.
Just hit save.

We're running out of time!

Zack, Melissa, your film is a-first.
Are you ready?

Here Mr. Drako. Here's our film.

[high pitched voice]
Melissa, what are you doing?

Ladies and gentlemen,
a film by Zack and Melissa.

The Old Man on The Bench.

Blake, I want to know your feelings.

But you are like a clam that has been left
in the ice too long.

Boy, by the time he's finished, I really
will be an old man.

Pine cones for sale!

Pine cones for sale! [exclaims]

So... What do you think?

Oh, please don't give us an "F."

There is no grade on this.
This was just for fun.

I'll take it.

-Whoo!
-Yeah!

And it was a happy ending after all.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz, what are you doing
in my bubble?

♪ It's my world
and we're all livin' in it ♪

Here we are.

Trapeze class? Advanced puppetry?

Look, whatever happened to
horseback riding, or archery?

Come on Zack, try something new.

Yeah. You never know when a new skill
might come in handy.

Okay, see, yeah, I sincerely doubt
that artisanal crayon making

is ever going to come in handy, but okay.

Hmm, sounds like it's time for a montage.

Bring it on. Boom!

♪ I've been
stuck in the groove ♪

♪ Of the same old
neural pathways ♪

♪ Got to add
a little something ♪

♪ More spicy into the mix ♪

♪ Every day it seems the same,
it's like a month of Mondays ♪

♪ Time for this old dog
to get a new bag of tricks ♪

♪ Time to shake it up,
switch it out ♪

♪ Looking for
a big breakthrough ♪

♪ Time to try something new ♪

Cavendish Rogue Log .

I've tried to show this ship to the
authorities times to no avail.

But the least I can do is try to find the
person I saw abducted, and help them.

I'm going to attempt to search the ship's
records for any clues.

[beeping, whirring]

Odd. I can almost smell alien
secrets about to be released.

Hey. You three all signed up for the pogo
stick hiking excursion?

It'll be nice to do something

comparatively normal after
the other activities.

Just stay on the path
and never leave my side.

These are called The Easy
to Get Lost and Die In Woods.

Um, I guess they named them that 'cause
they're easy to get lost and die in?

I never connected the name with the fact
that they are easy to get lost and die in.

-[crashing]
-[screaming]

The screams of woodland creatures

reminding us that nature is
a harsh mistress.

[whirring]

Pressing random buttons always worked on
my video player and coffee pot.

-[growling]
-Good! What the...

[roars]

Perhaps I should scream now. Yes.

[screaming]

[all screaming]

[Milo] This is making
a smoothie of my stomach.

Phew.

[screaming]

-A UFO?
-An alien monster?

A... Cavendish?

Get your filthy tentacles off me.

[sniffing]

[growls]

Guys, rescue routine number nine.

[roaring]

Chill, Mr. Giant Cyclops thing.

We're gonna go now. Please don't k*ll us.

Don't move. There's no telling
what it might do.

So, what do we do? Try to tame it and
bring it home as a pet?

[sniffing]

I'm responsible for letting him out.

If only I had a rope... Oh, thank you.

I may be able to gently
lead the creature to...

[Cavendish screaming]

Where is he going?

Duh! To...
[gargled screaming]

Sounds good to me.

Come on, guys,
follows those gargled screams.

[screaming] Slow down!

All right, men, set the survey equipment
up right there.

My toxic waste disposal company

has come here to dump waste into the
Danville Woods.

When this job came up, no other waste
company would even touch it.

This stuff is that dangerous.

And if I didn't take this contract,
absolutely nobody else would have.

They all laughed at me. Well,
I'm the only one laughing now.

All the way to the bank
with that fat check

for the money I'm gonna get for dumping
this stuff right here. [laughs]

You feel that, men? That's the feeling of
profit rushing right at us.

[screaming]

My hand!

How am I supposed to be able to sign my
contract and dump the toxic waste here?

[crashing]

My leg! How am I supposed to be able to
carry all those barrels of poisonous

toxic waste up that hill and dump it here
in the Danville Woods?

[cracking]

My other hand! How will I unscrew the tops
of the toxic waste containers

and dump them out here in these beautiful,
pristine woods?

[sniffing]

[Cavendish screaming]

[screaming]

Okay, maybe I deserve this.

Well, at least the water is moderate...

I've got just the thing.

[sniffing]

Well, Enid, you might not believe it, but
I'm hauling a load of giant ducks.

What!
[screaming]

[tires screeching]

Enid, you're not gonna believe
what I'm seeing right now.

A raccoon walking on
its hind legs. Like people.

Murphy's law. o'clock.

[squeaking]

[gasping]

Oh-oh, mine's got a leak.

It's okay, I've got duck-tape.

Not in the mood, Milo.

[screaming] Just stop already,
please stop!

All right, men, set that survey equipment
up right there.

My development company has come here to
clear cut the Danville Woods.

I'm about to close a deal that'll turn
this entire forest into a desert.

Desert land theme park.

People will come from miles around to see
my beautiful desert.

Beautiful deserts needs turtles.

We'll shave the local bears
and put shells on 'em.

We'll shave the eagles
and put shells on them.

The other developers all laughed at me.

They said, "Why would anyone pay to go to
a desert land theme park

"when there's an actual desert
only six miles away?"

Well, I'll be the only one laughing now
when I start charging the locals

-a small fortune to come see this place.
-[crows cawing]

Feel that, men, that's the feeling of
profits rushing right at us.

[screaming]

My hand!

How am I supposed to be able to sign my
contract to cut these woods down?

[screaming] My legs!

How am I gonna be able to carry away these
trees that I'm gonna cut down

for my desert land these park?

[screaming] My other hand!

How am I gonna be able to
shave all bears and eagles

to put shells on them
and disguise them as turtles?

[sniffling]

[screaming]

[screaming]

Okay, maybe I deserved this.

I've only seen this much mayhem since Milo
went to the monster truck rally.

Hi, folks, it's my honor as your mayor,

to be here today to sign this paper

into law, protecting this beautiful valley

from polluting and over-development.

This law, once signed, by me, right here,

will protect this majestic forest

and all the animals, like this spying
friend of mine right here,

that call this beautiful valley, home.

All I have to do is
sign this piece of paper

-On this table.
-[crowd applauds]

I just wanna say again how important it is

that I sign this paper,
right here, right now.

Because this forest
and her beautiful creatures

need to be protected from
the forces of no good,

that would do harm to it.

If anything were to happen to me,

or my writing hand,
this law would go unsigned,

and we all know the dangers
this forest would face.

There is literally no one else
in our local government

that is authorized to sign this law.

You feel that folks?
That's a feeling of good deeds

-coming right at us...
-[creature shrieks]

Have no fear,
creature passing by harmlessly.

You and your home are now protected.

[crowd applauds]

[sniffing]

[screaming]

Disco squat. Disco squat.

[clattering, screaming]

I'm saved.

-Oh no.
-[creature screeching]

Cavendish.
Greg.

I got an idea.

We can use all the new skills
we've learned.

Zack, distract him.

Shine it on the plate.

I'll use the new skills I got from my
feet dexterity class.

[snarling]

[groans]

Keep it going, guys.

[grunts]

Whoo!

Thanks for the help.

Your feet are really dexterous.

I know, right?

[sniffing, gulping]

-[all] Whoo!
-[cheering]

Wow. I don't Remember that cage the last
time I was here.

Milo, what are you talking about?

I've been on this ship before.

When I was abducted by the aliens.

[gasps] That was you?

I saw that abduction.

I've been trying to find and rescue
that abductee,

and it was you the entire time.

-Apparently.
-Huzzah!

[thud]

I better get out of here.

Last time I was on board,

Murphy's Law nearly wrecked
the whole ship.

Anyway, we've got to get back to camp.

Oh, yes, yes, absolutely.

Don't want anything more to happen to it.

Scoot, scoot. You children go home.

-Yeah, have fun with the UFO.
-Bye.

Cherry-bye.

Oh. So they abducted him
and then they just let him go.

It was... It was probably just a case
of mistaken identity.

They probably thought he was a cow
or something. Wait.

What's that green light in there?

[gasps] Great googly-moogly.

They didn't think he was a cow at all.

They were after him specifically.

And from the looks of this,

they're coming back to finish the job.

I've got to warn him.

[zapping]

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody
That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm not sitting here
Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪