03x10 - Roy Till Called

[bunniefuu]

From the boys at sigma alpha delta.

Thank you, sanjay.

You may have another.

The youth pastor is a wake-and-baker.

Holy smokes.

Thank you.

Why is this all wet?

Water park.

Hmm...

That's $20,000.

The way things are going, I'll have the rest in a few days.

Why is this stack wet?

Water park.

So, all the money goes back into the agrestic account.

No trails back to us.

There's no more agrestic, nance. No town. We're good.

Let's keep it.

Doug.

I might be a drug dealer, but I'm no embezzler.

We'll put it back... Eventually.

Until they figure out which way is up, we could use this capital to our advantage.

Yeah.

I'm not comfortable with this.

Well, get comfortable. Buy more dr*gs, sell more dr*gs.

And then when we're crazy rich, we can pay back agrestic and buy corn dogs for all of darfur.

I'm not sure corn dogs are first up on the wish list in darfur.

My point is, we need this capital if we're gonna be the weed-mart of the san fernando valley.

Homegrown depot. Potco.

You need to trust me on this, nancy.

I don't tell you how to move a brick.

Fine.

For now.

Listen, doug, a word of advice...

Watch your back.

Sullivan's on the warpath.

I didn't do anything.

So you had nothing to do with that pipe exploding?

That was clearly an act of god.

Well, tell god to watch his back.

Nancy, don't anthropomorphize god.

That sounds like fun.

Tim and shane together?

We could give it a sh*t.

Yeah, I know where that is. Great.

Terrific. All right. We'll see you there. Bye, val.

You got a call.

From who?

Roy till.

I don't know roy till.

Roy till knew you.

And what did roy till want?

I asked roy till that very question.

Why are you making me work so hard for this?

Because captain roy till is with the d.e.a...

Because he wants you to come down to his office as soon as possible...

Because he said you've probably been expecting this call.

That was my reaction.

Isabelle: "the side effects may be urinary incontinence, "migraine, fuzzy vision, rapid heartbeat, "swollen limbs, depression, mania, nocturnal psychosis, erectile dysfunction..."

Wake up. Wake up.

It's not a dream.

Here's his feeding schedule.

And the physical-therapy exercises are in the binder.

And you're gonna have to change his diaper.

Stop... Speaking.

Fine. Figure it out yourself.

I have no memory of giving birth to you.

None whatsoever.

There is no god.

You have to change my diaper so I don't get a rash.

Not gonna happen.

I stood by you when you had cancer.

Yeah... My cancer didn't stink.

Celia, if I get a rash, it could get infected, and my body can't fight off infection right now.

Will you die?

Worse.

I'll have to have a lot more surgeries, and you'll have to take care of me for a lot longer.

This is not right.

After we change me, we should do some exercises.

You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Seeing me miserable.

It's the only silver lining on a very dark cloud.

Uh...

I'm looking for roy till.

Nancy botwin.

Am I in the right place?

Captain till's been waiting for you.

That's her.

I have questions.

You do?

Sit.

I see you don't use the name scottson.

Uh, no.

Kids... Kids are botwin.

Keeping it... Consistent.

You and pete kept your marriage awful quiet.

Yes.

Yes.

Why?

Do I need a lawyer?

Frankly, I'm a little surprised you didn't come clean to us about this sooner.

Why's that?

So you could get what you have coming to you.

Why don't we settle all this right now?

And "all this" would be?

Life-insurance check made out to nancy scottson.

Shouldn't be any trouble to cash if you show the bank a copy of the marriage license.

Also, forms to fill out so we can start sending you his pension checks.

Oh.

Look at that.

Things from pete's desk.

That should close the book on all this.

Uh, again, "all this"?

We don't know what pete told you and what he didn't.

Frankly, we don't care.

What he was involved with when he d*ed, who he was involved with... It's all in the past.

We'd rather think the best of him.

I'm sure you would, too.

The best.

But should it not remain in the past, well, that would seriously affect his pension.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Yes... Completely, totally.

That's all, mrs. Scottson.

Botwin.

Mrs. Botwin.

God bless you.

My condolences.

You are the sun. You control it all.

If you don't keep a light schedule, seeds will sprout and reach for whatever source of light they can find.

Not too different from humans, but that's another lecture.

Point is, you didn't put the grow light on a timer, so these went toward my light, made them spindly.

These seeds were your responsibility.

You f*cked them up.

Sorry.

Things okay at home?

Are they ever?

Mom okay?

She's a... Tough read.

Yeah, I know.

And what happened here?

Brown spots, yellowing moving upward.

Think.

Um... Nitrogen deficiency?

And what do you do?

Add a solution with a high "n" rating, like advanced nutrients connoisseur?

That's right. Ha!

"Ha!" My ass, you plant-k*lling m*therf*cker.

You should have got it right the first time.

Pay attention.

No one is going to take care of you in life, silas.

Learn and grow.

Move!

Save those plants! That's money out of my pocket!

Oh, sh*t. That reminds me.

It's from my mom.

She wants more stuff.

Yo, it just slipped your mind that there's thousands of dollars in your f*cking backpack?

Jesus.

Damn. I also forgot there's a diamond up my ass.

You want it?

Take care of my plants before you find a foot up there.

Tell your mom I said hi.

Yeah.

Hey.

Tell her, all right?

Sure.

Shane: so, let me get this straight.

You say we're going to the apple store, but instead, you bring me here and force me to play with peter's assh*le son so you can hang out with his ex-wife?

Do I have this right?

Uh... Yeah.

So not cool.

I'm not proud.

You owe me.

It might be fun.

Fine. Debt owed. Let's go.

You think that's funny, dickbag?

That's not even a word, dildock.

I'm not sure this was such a good idea.

They'll be fine.

Uh, blue raspberry or cherry?

Cherry.

Oh, wait a minute. Think you owe me some money.

Oh. How much?

$119,000.

I was gonna tell you.

You married him?

Married... Did that just, uh, slip your mind?

How do you fit that into a conversation?

"Uh, hey, guess what, val?

"Before you go down to the d.e.a.'S office

"And make an ass of yourself, let me tell you something.

Peter and I were married."

There. Pretty simple.

It was a drunken weekend.

Completely stupid, only-on-nine-cosmos kind of thing.

I thought we were friends. We are friends.

Well, then how about the f*cking money?

I didn't even know I was getting any money.

Yeah, well, you got it, so give it to me.

That's tim's money.

I don't want the money. I'm giving you the money.

Look. Here. Take it.

Just putt, assh*le.

It's made out to you.

I'll endorse it over.

You can't endorse a $119,000 check.

I'm not stupid.

Let's go to the bank.

It's sunday. Banks are closed.

Then we'll... Deposit it tomorrow.

I'll transfer it over, and you can declare it a gift.

It's not a gift.

I lived with that assh*le for 11 years.

I earned that.

Okay. Bad choice of words. It's your money.

Give me a break already.

You were gonna tell me?

Sure, eventually.

Tim: putt now or die!

Yes! Hole in one.

Your son is annoying.

Oh, glass-house-dwelling person...

You're right. I'm putting down the stone.

You want the slushy now?

That's okay.

Oh, come on.

The ugly, confront-y part of the day is over.

We're free to have treats now.

Why did you have to assume the worst?

I'm used to getting f*cked.

Well, get over it. Neither of us is getting f*cked.

Poor us.

No sh*t.

Jeez. You ever hear of a phone?

Dana took the charger. I need $100,000.

Majestic is checking the books tomorrow.

I bought 10 more bricks.

Putting it back in the business...

You remember that conversation?

Oh, god. Me in prison. I'm way too long for those beds.

And the food... There is no sushi in prison...

Unless you count d*ck.

Okay, listen.

Why do you need $100,000 if we only took $50,000 for the initial buy?

Did we take more than $50,000? We took $50,000, but I knew it was only a matter of time before we doubled up, so I took another $50,000 for my divorce lawyer and got laser eye surgery.

Recovered in a day... f*cking miracle.

Now I can read the tiny print they use for warning labels on pills.

Big pharma fucks us coming and going, nance, and I'm going to prison.

I'm going to prison while big pharma roams free.

There is no justice.

Are you on some big pharma right now?

If I go to jail, will you come with me?

I cannot do it alone.

You're not gonna go to jail, doug.

I might have access to some money.

Have you been hoarding money from your accountant?

'Cause that is not cool, nance.

Doug, go upstairs, take a bath.

I suggest you try the bath b*mb.

The carbonation's delightful.

All right?

We'll figure this out.

She never lets me use the tub, lucky.

I'm going to jail.

You're not going to jail, doug!

I'm going to have all kinds of cock shoved up my ass.

I need to say something out loud.

I k*lled peter.

Did you hear what I said?

Yeah, I heard you. You k*lled peter.

We all knew that u-turn story was bullshit.

I guessed poison. Was I right?

Silas thought you smothered him in his sleep.

Shane had some wild theory about you and a samurai.

My whole family thinks I'm a k*ller.

You just said you k*lled him.

I didn't actually k*ll him or have him k*lled.

I'm saying that if he never met me, he'd still be alive.

Listen...

I taught stephanie cooper how to give head.

She d*ed when a guy she was blowing drove into a swamp.

Doesn't mean I k*lled her.

It means I was a great teacher...

And he was a bad driver...

And the alligators were hungry.

I got peter's life insurance and pension money.

Jackpot.

No.

I promised it to valerie and to doug.

I don't know what to do.

If I don't give it to doug, he goes to jail.

If I don't give it to valerie, I go to hell.

Jail comes before hell.

Or you could give it all to me.

Sullivan.

I'm not sullivan. I'm the easter bunny.

You want your basket?

Just wait, wait, wait a minute. Just a sec.

I want to freshen up.

Collect my eggs.

Celia?

You make any noise, so help me god, you will be sitting in that diaper...

For a week.

Oh...

Mmm!

I'm so impressed by you.

Your kindness.

Dropping everything to take care of a man you don't love because he has no one else.

Mmm.

You are the most selfless woman.

I am.

I'm wonderful.

Yeah.

You are. Dean: oh.

Let's go to the bedroom.

No.

Okay, fine. f*ck it.

What is that?

It's the dog.

Dryer. Woof!

Okay, it's him. Come on.

He's in there?

He's safer there. Can't hurt himself.

Woof! Wait, where you going?

Woof!

Jesus.

Maybe we ought to take a little break. Huh?

I'll call you.

Thanks for that, celia. Doggy got a big bone.

Little close there, kiddo!

Still hating me.

He's very committed.

What's this?

That... That is cash.

It's not $119,000 in cash.

It's $4,500.

Where's my money?

I have the money. I just don't have it here.

This is a down payment.

I knew it.

I had a little emergency.

You're gonna have it back in a month.

This is a scam, right?

You don't understand. There's money coming in.

No worries.

No worries? I have cards maxed out.

I have creditors calling me. I can't make my rent.

I can't wait for money to "come in."

I need it now.

Jesus. Why are you in such bad shape?

I've been spending on my cash on coke and man whores.

Why the hell do you think?

I work a middle-class job in the bush economy.

Where's my f*cking money?!

It's f*cking coming!

You spent it already, didn't you?

That was my money.

f*cked.

f*cked, f*cked.

Not f*cked.

Just f*cked in the head.

Clearly not ready to listen, so I'm gonna go.

I'll call you.

Tim: mom, she took my ball!

f*ck your ball. She took our 100 grand.

First of all, mr. Wilson, we would like to thank you for the t-shirts that you brought us from the 2001 agrestic 5k thanksgiving fun run.

I drew that logo... The turkey with the sneakers.

That's quite a talent, mr. Wilson.

However, we're here to discuss the town of agrestic's financial records, not funny t-shirts.

Of course, ann.

May I call you ann? I'm getting divorced.

There seems to be an outstanding loan here, councilman doug, made to a company called aguatecture?

Yes. Yes, there is.

And I have the repayment of that loan right here in my back pocket.

This is a post-dated personal check.

Yes. Yes, it is.

This is highly unorthodox, mr. Wilson.

Yes. Yes, it is.

And you're claiming that this is repayment on the loan made to aguatecture.

Yes. Yes, it is. You see the memo line right there?

It says, "for aguatecture." It's a great little business.

A socially responsible, minority-owned company that makes fountains shaped like houses...

Victorians, tudors, even castles.

Heartwarming story.

Hardscrabble, good people, invested with our hearts, and it paid off.

They're selling like bratwurst in germany.

Praise the lord.

Hallelujah with the grace of the god.

So be it, amen. Mm-hmm. Oh, brother.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

My wife's a fountain freak.

She'd love those.

Yeah, where can I get one?

I'll hook you all up. Fountains for everyone.

At cost!

Thank you!

Crust, please.

Mmm.

Thank you.

Where the f*ck have you been?

I quit.

Bullshit.

Not bullshit.

Look at how you treat me.

How I treat you? I haven't had lunch.

I left three messages saying I wanted soup and a cobb salad.

So fire me instead.

But I like you.

You're a shitty assistant, but your skin's like milk, and you're almost as smart as I am.

If you make this easy for me, let me steal all the office supplies I want, we can do it on the table before I go.

You would have been a k*ller in business if you hadn't pissed away all your potential on the mommy track.

Yeah. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Look at you, a**l.

Shouldn't you just sweep everything off and ravage me like a real man?

I spent the whole day organizing this sh*t.

You bitch.

Oh, yeah. I'm bad. Punish me.