03x17 - Archie Goes Too Far

Post by **bunniefuu** » 01/11/22 07:22

1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,670
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Songs that made
The Hit Parade ♪

3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪

4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,280
♪ Those were the days ♪

5
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♪ And you knew
Where you were then ♪

6
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,622
♪ Girls were girls
And men were men ♪

7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:30,394
♪ Mister, we could use a man
Like Herbert Hoover again ♪

8
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♪ Didn't need
No welfare state ♪

9
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♪ Everybody pulled
His weight ♪

10
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♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
Ran great ♪

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♪ Those were the days ♪

12
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I ain't wrong.

13
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I'm gonna find
that Sports Illustrated,

14
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I'm gonna get that article,

15
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and I'm gonna show it to you
in black and white there

16
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and make you eat your words.

17
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Get away from me.

18
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,062
The magazine is in this house
someplace.

19
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,297
Edith, up there, are you looking
for that magazine?

20
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,332
EDITH: Yeah,
I'm looking, Archie!

21
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:09,868
I don't hear you
looking, Edith.

22
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But I'm looking!

23
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I don't hear you
looking, Edith!

24
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Daddy, why are you
wasting your time

25
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,975
looking for that
dumb magazine?

26
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,610
Why? To show your dumb
husband a thing or two.

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I got a quarter bet
with him here

28
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that Harvey Haddox pitched
a perfect no-hit ball game.

29
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Archie, he pitched
a perfect game

30
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for 12 innings.

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They got a hit off him
in the 13th,

32
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and he lost the game.

33
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That's not a perfect game.

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I can still remember
the headline

35
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out of that article there:

36
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"The day that Harvey Haddox was
robbed of the no-hit game."

37
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That's right! He was robbed
of the no-hit game,

38
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so he didn't pitch
the no-hit game.

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Certainly he did!

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If you was robbed
of something,

41
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you had to have it
in the first place

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in order to have somebody
rob you of it.

43
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Look what I found!

44
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Good, good. Give me it.
What the hell is that?

45
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My five-year diary.

46
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I don't want that!
Get away from me!

47
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Ma, you keep a diary?

48
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Oh, not anymore,
but during the w*r,

49
00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:06,825
every day while your father
was in the Army--

50
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,626
How many times
have I got to tell you?

51
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,729
Air Corps, Air Corps,
Air Corps!

52
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Oh, yeah, that's right.

53
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You know
what I used to call Archie?

54
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My fly-boy.

55
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[GIGGLING]

56
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[LAUGHING]

57
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Aw, clam up, you.

58
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I know what you done.

59
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You hid that magazine

60
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so you wouldn't
have to pay me the quarter.

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Get outta here.

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Listen to this:

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"May 21, 1943.

64
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Dear diary: Had a letter today
from Archie B."

65
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That's "B",
shorthand for Bunker.

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"Archie said I shouldn't sit
under the apple tree

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with anyone else but him.

68
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Isn't that romantic?"

69
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It is!

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"P.S. I don't have
an apple tree,

71
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so I won't sit
under my rubber plant."

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1943, she was still in training
for her dingbat wings.

73
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Come on, Mom,
why don't you sit down

74
00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:11,455
and read us some more?

75
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All right...

76
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A-ha! I think I know
where that magazine is!

77
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MIKE: Why don't you
forget it? You're wrong.

78
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Get away from me, you.

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Here's a good one.

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"September 4th, 1943.

81
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"Dear diary:
Archie was in town on a pass.

82
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"He took me to a U.S.O. dance,

83
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and the funniest thing happened.

84
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"I'll never forget it.

85
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"But I'm tired now, dear diary,

86
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so I promise
to tell you tomorrow."

87
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I wonder what happened.

88
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Ma, why don't you
read what you wrote

89
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the next day?

90
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Oh, yeah!

91
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Here it is:

92
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"September 5, 1943.

93
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:11,015
"Dear diary:
It rained all day today.

94
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Nothing much to tell you."

95
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What happened to
the funniest thing

96
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you said you'd
never forget?

97
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I guess I forgot.

98
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Hey, hey, hey, hey!

99
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Look what I found upstairs.

100
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What is it, Archie?

101
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Ah, whilst looking
for my magazine,

102
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which I didn't find,

103
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I ran across a hunk
of homemade poetry.

104
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Hey, hey, hey,
where did you get that?

105
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Oh! In that box of junk
in the bottom of your closet.

106
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Give me that.
That's mine.

107
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What do you mean? Don't you want
to share it with the world?

108
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You got no right
going into my room.

109
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Hold it, hotshot.

110
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You're only borrowing
that room from me

111
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because Gloria happens
to be your roommate.

112
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But the room
is still in my house,

113
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which means I got a right
to search it.

114
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We're living in the
Watergate Hotel here.

115
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You got no right snooping
around in my things!

116
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I was only looking
for one of my things,

117
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and I found this thing.

118
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And wait till you get
an earful of it there, Edith.

119
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"No girl's as sweet
As my true love

120
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You were sent
From heaven above"

121
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All right, give it.
Come on.

122
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"You fill my days...
All right, come on.

123
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"With sheer
delight... Hand it over,
will you?

124
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"Throughout the day,
Throughout the night...

125
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All right, come on.
Hand it over.

126
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Ah, we got a regular
Edgar Allan Polack here.

127
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Come on, now!

128
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I'm not kidding around!

129
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Give me that. That
poem is personal.

130
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Personal?
I'll say it's personal.

131
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Hey, Edith, wait till you
hear the rest of this.

132
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Oh, Archie...

133
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"A touch of your lips,
And my heart's on fire.

134
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A glimpse of your--"

135
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I'm going to say
the word "chests" here

136
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because we're in mixed company--

137
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"A glimpse of your chests,
And I'm mad with desire"

138
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Oh, my, I'm all goose bumps.

139
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Ah, shut up.

140
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Look, Archie,
I'm telling you,

141
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I put up with a lot
around here,

142
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but there is one thing
I will not put up with,

143
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,333
and that is having
my privacy invaded.

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Whoop-de-do.

145
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Well, then, what about
my privacy, Daddy?

146
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Michael wrote
that poem to me.

147
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To you, huh?

148
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,707
Then why does it say
up on top, "To Vicky"?

149
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Let me see that.

150
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,211
ARCHIE: Hey!

151
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It looks to me like the Meathead
was glimpsing a few chests

152
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:24,748
before he run across yours.

153
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Who's Vicky?

154
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Ah, it's nobody, just a girl
I used to know a long time ago.

155
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Michael, you said
you wrote this poem

156
00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:39,163
especially to me,

157
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:42,233
and it wasn't "To Vicky"
then, it was "To Gloria."

158
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Well, yeah, but...
it was my best poem!

159
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,337
I wanted you to have it!

160
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,972
Michael,
you lied to me.

161
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,141
You never even really
wrote me a poem.

162
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,843
Gloria, I did better than that.
I married you!

163
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That wasn't better.

164
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,680
You should have
kept writing poems.

165
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:58,483
Hey, I don't have
to take that from you!

166
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,118
What else have you
lied to me about?

167
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,886
Nothing!
That's a lie!

168
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,521
Gloria. please,
what do you want from me?

169
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:04,522
[SOBS] Michael!

170
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:07,825
You gave me a used poem!

171
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,594
Gloria, your father acts
like a storm trooper,

172
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:12,263
he turns our bedroom
into a police state,

173
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,298
and all you care about is
a lousy poem?!

174
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,100
Because you lied to me!

175
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,169
How can I ever
trust you again?!

176
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,603
What about trusting your father?

177
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,005
How are you gonna
trust him again?

178
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,207
The next thing you know,
he's gonna be bugging our bed!

179
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,976
The only bug in your bed
is when you hop into it.

180
00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:29,013
Oh, that's it! That's it.

181
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,282
I don't have to take that
from you.

182
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,185
What do I need this for?
I must be crazy!

183
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,387
I'm not gonna stay in
this house another minute.

184
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:38,256
Between you and your father,
you're driving me crazy!

185
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,491
Out there, I will be able
to get a little freedom.

186
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:42,293
I will be able to get
a little privacy.

187
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,296
You'll be able to apply
for a little welfare too.

188
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,031
Goodbye, goodbye.

189
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,466
You can send my
clothes to Lionel's.

190
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,000
Archie, he's leaving!
Say something.

191
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:50,868
Bye!

192
00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:54,472
[YELLING INCOHERENTLY]

193
00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,043
[BAWLING] Ma...

194
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:05,283
Oh, oh...

195
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,717
[CHUCKLES]

196
00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:09,587
EDITH: He'll be back as soon
as he gets over being mad.

197
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,123
Yeah, which should be
around dinnertime.

198
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,991
Shut up!
What?

199
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,659
Shut up!

200
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,695
If you hadn't been snooping
where you didn't belong,

201
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:20,531
I wouldn't have found out
what I didn't want to know!

202
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:22,533
You've been trying to get
Michael out of this house

203
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:23,801
for two years!

204
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:25,035
Well, you got your wish,

205
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:26,471
and I hope you're happy,
you monster!

206
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:27,572
What?

207
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,207
Did you hear what
your daughter said

208
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,508
to her father?

209
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,044
Yeah. I couldn't help it.
I was standing right here.

210
00:08:35,947 --> 00:08:37,415
What's she yelling
at me for?

211
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,882
That ain't my fault!

212
00:08:38,884 --> 00:08:40,818
Hey, little girl,
it ain't my fault

213
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,820
that the Meathead
only had one poem in him,

214
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:46,991
and then he spread it around
like fertilizer...

215
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,726
which, by the way, it is.

216
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:51,996
Oh, Archie, I think
you were wrong

217
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,897
to go into their room.

218
00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:56,967
After all, they got
a right to their privacy.

219
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,869
Well, I happen to agree
with my government.

220
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,671
If you ain't got nothing
to be ashamed of,

221
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,206
you don't need no privacy.

222
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:06,344
Mike's poem is personal,
like my diary.

223
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:09,547
Oh! But if I want to read
your diary, I can read it.

224
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,382
[GASPS] No, you can't!

225
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:15,719
My diary is private.

226
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:18,922
Are you telling me that
you would keep secrets from me?

227
00:09:18,924 --> 00:09:20,724
Some secrets, yes.

228
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,127
No secrets, no!

229
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,395
We'll have this out
right now.

230
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:25,996
I'm your husband,
and I say to you,

231
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,365
"Give me that diary."

232
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,401
[GASPS] And I'm your wife,
and I say, "no."

233
00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:34,172
GLORIA: I'm going to Trudy's.

234
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,607
Hold it, there, hold it.
You ain't going no place.

235
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,743
Take your hands off me.

236
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:40,844
Take your hands off her!

237
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:41,845
I didn't touch her!

238
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,013
Gloria...

239
00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:44,649
I'm sorry, Ma,
but there's nothing

240
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:46,184
to stay here for
anymore!

241
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:49,554
[GASPS] Archie!
Ain't you gonna stop her?

242
00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:50,588
No, I ain't!

243
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,455
Oh!

244
00:09:52,824 --> 00:09:54,225
Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

245
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,560
Where are you going?

246
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:58,329
I'm her mother.
That's where I'm going.

247
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:03,133
Edith, you get
back inside this door...

248
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:04,335
That's more like it.

249
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,803
And sit down
in your chair here.

250
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,805
We're going to have a little
talk about your daughter,

251
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,407
mouthing off to me
the way she done...

252
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:10,608
Who does she think she is--

253
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,475
[DOOR SLAMS]

254
00:10:21,786 --> 00:10:24,555
I'm in a nuthouse.

255
00:10:32,764 --> 00:10:35,433
No, operator, operator,
just listen to me, huh?

256
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:39,003
The name of the party
is Whiteman or Lightman

257
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,138
or something like that.

258
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,306
The first name is Trudy, see?

259
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,707
She lives
at one of them apartments

260
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,010
over there
on Northern Boulevard.

261
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:47,278
Uh, listen to me.

262
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,748
I just want the address there.

263
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,116
I can't give you that.

264
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:55,819
I'm trying
to find that out from you.

265
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:56,887
Whiteman, Lightman.

266
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:59,157
Can't you look--

267
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,991
Listen, can--

268
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,327
Listen, can--

269
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,629
[STAMMERS]

270
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:07,298
Forget it!

271
00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:23,481
Uh, hello there, Jefferson.
This is Archie Bunker here.

272
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,183
Uh, put Lionel
on the phone, huh?

273
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,387
I know it's 1:00 a.m.,

274
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:32,156
But youse people don't sleep
on a Saturday night.

275
00:11:34,826 --> 00:11:36,427
Hold it, hold it, hold it,
hold it!

276
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,629
There's no call to be using
that kind of language here.

277
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,264
I didn't say nothing like...

278
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,799
L-Listen to me.

279
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,801
I'm just trying to find out
where my son-in-law is.

280
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,703
I think he's over there.

281
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,904
Aw, what do you mean,

282
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:50,241
you don't let whitey
on the premises?

283
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,510
I know he's over there. J--

284
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:55,045
Hello? Hello?

285
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,380
You crumb.

286
00:11:57,583 --> 00:11:58,782
[DOORBELL RINGS]

287
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,618
Oh, well.

288
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,752
And about time.

289
00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,954
I ought to let you
stay out there, Edith.

290
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:04,955
Oh, hi, Mr. Bunker.

291
00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:06,924
Oh, hiya, Lionel.
Where's Mike?

292
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,326
He went straight
home to my house.

293
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,594
We just came from a movie.

294
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,395
Well, then your old man
was lying to me.

295
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,630
I just called him up.

296
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,432
He told me on the phone
Mike wasn't there.

297
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,499
But he didn't lie.

298
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,101
I didn't tell my father
Mike was there.

299
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,303
He don't like the idea
of white folks in the house.

300
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:22,473
Yeah, oh.

301
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:25,976
How'd you get Mike in there,
with burnt caulk?

302
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:27,778
No, no, we snuck him
in the back way.

303
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,880
And he hid in the basement.
Yeah.

304
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:32,450
Gee, if your old man's so touchy
about white people being there,

305
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,652
ain't you taking an awful chance
getting Mike in?

306
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,487
Well, I'm just
returning a favor.

307
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,488
What favor?

308
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:38,789
Well, during the
Civil w*r days,

309
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:40,458
some of you white
folks hid us out

310
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,692
when we ran away.

311
00:12:49,134 --> 00:12:51,168
That's right, but youse people
was worth something.

312
00:12:55,707 --> 00:12:57,508
Now, look, Mr. Bunker,
the reason I came over

313
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,576
was to get Mike's books.

314
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,177
He needs them for
an exam on Monday.

315
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:02,446
Well, it's too late for me
to go looking for them

316
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,847
up there in the room, you know.

317
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,450
Just tell him I'll throw them
out on the stoop for him

318
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,785
first thing in the morning.

319
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:08,786
Okay.

320
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:09,853
Uh, by the way,
Lionel,

321
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,555
as long as you're here,
do you remember

322
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,957
that little brunette
girlfriend of Gloria's?

323
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,026
Her name
was Trudy, Trudy...

324
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,127
Uh, Trudy Brightman.

325
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,962
Brightman.
Brightman, yeah.

326
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,464
See you around, Lionel.

327
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,666
What about Trudy?

328
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:25,303
Oh, uh, I don't know.
I ain't heard nothing.

329
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:28,138
You want me to tell
Mike anything?

330
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:31,875
Yeah. Tell him to send us
a card, Christmas and Easter.

331
00:13:35,079 --> 00:13:38,382
Brightman, Brightman, Brightman.

332
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:41,919
That was "B"
when I went to school.

333
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:43,621
Let's see.

334
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,757
Brightman and, uh, "B"...

335
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,593
and it ain't here.

336
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:53,063
Where would Edith write
that name?

337
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:56,867
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

338
00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:58,068
Let's see here.

339
00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,805
Here it is. Brightman.

340
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:03,774
Under "G",
for Gloria's girlfriend.

341
00:14:07,312 --> 00:14:09,714
♪ If you're happy
And you know it, say "I am" ♪

342
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,114
♪ I am ♪

343
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:13,517
♪ If you're happy
And you know it, say "I am" ♪

344
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,852
♪ I am ♪

345
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,654
♪ If you're happy
And you know it ♪

346
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,456
♪ Then your life
will surely show it ♪

347
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,924
♪ If you're happy
And you know it, say "I am" ♪

348
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:21,959
♪ I am! ♪

349
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:22,960
That was good, Ma.

350
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:24,395
Mrs. Bunker,
you're terrific.

351
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,929
Oh, my, that was fun.

352
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:29,700
I just love singing,
especially songs.

353
00:14:32,303 --> 00:14:33,937
Oh, more wine,
Mrs. Bunker?

354
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:36,340
Oh, my, it is empty again.

355
00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,108
Thank you.

356
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,611
Ma!

357
00:14:42,914 --> 00:14:44,682
You know,
this is just like

358
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:48,552
sitting around a campfire
at camp,

359
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,421
only we ain't itchy.

360
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,955
[LAUGHTER]

361
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:59,430
Oh, I used
to love them song-alings.

362
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,665
Sing-alongs, Ma.

363
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,567
Them too.

364
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,102
[GIGGLING]

365
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:08,005
Oh, I remember one song.
It was so funny.

366
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,206
Oh, sing it
for us, please.

367
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,741
All right.

368
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:14,945
♪ John Brown's baby
Had a cold upon his chest ♪

369
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:17,214
♪ John Brown's baby
Had a cold upon his chest ♪

370
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:19,450
♪ John Brown's baby
Had a cold upon his chest ♪

371
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,752
♪ And they rubbed it
With camphorated oil ♪

372
00:15:27,191 --> 00:15:30,127
That was supposed
to be funny, Ma?

373
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:33,130
Oh, I forgot.

374
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:36,534
It was funny
when we acted it out.

375
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,436
Yeah, like this:

376
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,937
♪ John Brown's... ♪

377
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,640
♪ Had a [COUGHS]
Upon his chest ♪

378
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,174
♪ John Brown's... ♪

379
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:46,710
♪ Had a [COUGHS]
Upon his chest ♪

380
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,245
♪ John Brown's... ♪

381
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:49,880
♪ Had a [COUGHS]
Upon his chest ♪

382
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,282
♪ And they rubbed it
With camphorated oil ♪

383
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,885
[INHALES DEEPLY] Ew.

384
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,454
[GIGGLING]

385
00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:06,931
Oh, Ma, Ma... Ma, I think
you ought to take it easy

386
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,065
till the pizza gets here.

387
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,367
Oh, yeah, that's right.

388
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:13,203
I won't sing anymore
until after we eat.

389
00:16:21,346 --> 00:16:23,046
Who's bringing the pizza?

390
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:25,182
A couple of friends
of mine down the block.

391
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:26,684
I wonder what's
taking them so long.

392
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,185
It's really
getting late.

393
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:29,820
I wonder
how Michael is.

394
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,356
I think I'm going to call him
over at Lionel's and...

395
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:34,391
Gloria,
don't you dare.

396
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,393
He walked out on you, remember?

397
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:37,962
Make him come to you.

398
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,663
But what if he doesn't?

399
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:43,033
Oh, Gloria, I'm sure he will.

400
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:44,969
It's just like in the movies.

401
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,038
The husband always ran
after the wife,

402
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:52,142
and he said, "Please come back,"
and the wife always did.

403
00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:55,613
Like William Powell
and Myrna Loy...

404
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,848
Cary Grant and Irene Dunne...

405
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,850
Humphrey Bogart and Bette Davis?

406
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,519
Yeah.

407
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:05,422
Only you were never too sure
about Bette Davis.

408
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,995
Sometimes, she'd come back,

409
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:14,197
but sometimes, she'd just die.

410
00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,870
Oh, pizza!

411
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,138
Hi, everybody.

412
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:22,472
Oh, Mrs. Bunker,

413
00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:23,807
this is Betty Sue,
and Joanie.

414
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,709
Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you.

415
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,245
Oh, I'm telling you,
it is so cold outside.

416
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,247
It's a good thing
you bundled up.

417
00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:32,449
That's right.
Oh, yes.

418
00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:34,852
EDITH:
Look at you--

419
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,787
you wore
your pajamas.

420
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,756
Well, Trudy said,
"come as you are."

421
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:39,757
[GASPS]

422
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,158
Oh, my!

423
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:45,495
Then this must be
a "come as you are" party.

424
00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:47,264
[MUFFLED CHATTER]

425
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:54,004
Gloria!

426
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,473
Look who's here.

427
00:17:56,475 --> 00:17:59,577
Oh, Michael...

428
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,111
Hey...

429
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:02,412
Pizza!

430
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:07,751
Oh!

431
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,988
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

432
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,923
Oh, I'm sorry.

433
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,825
How are you?
I missed you.

434
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,294
I'm fine.
How did you know I was here?

435
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:19,863
Well, from out of nowhere,
Archie asked Lionel about Trudy,

436
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,331
so I put two and two together.

437
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:22,700
Oh.

438
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:27,204
Uh, listen, I, uh,
I brought you something.

439
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:28,472
I wrote you a fresh poem.

440
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:33,310
Oh, Michael.

441
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,612
Aw...

442
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,413
GLORIA: Oh, everybody,
I want you to meet Michael.

443
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:37,881
He's my husband.

444
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:38,882
Michael,
you know Trudy.

445
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:39,950
Yeah.
And you
know me.

446
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,256
And this is Betty Sue
and Joanie.

447
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:47,257
Michael.

448
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:48,458
I'm gonna
read them the poem.

449
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,594
Oh, no, no.
[ALL PROTESTING]

450
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:53,430
All right. It's
nothing, really.

451
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:54,999
"Oh, Gloria,

452
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,134
"You made
My life euphoria.

453
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,469
"I wanna
Get more of ya.

454
00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:04,574
Gloria, I adore ya."

455
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:07,044
Oh, Michael,
it's beautiful.

456
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,646
Michael,
come here a minute.

457
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,048
I wanna talk to you.

458
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:15,619
I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I was wrong.

459
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:17,121
I was wrong too.

460
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:20,423
I was wrong too.

461
00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:23,027
I should never have
walked out on Archie,

462
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:26,196
and I'm gonna tell him too...

463
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:30,167
if I ever see him again.

464
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,069
Aw, come on, Ma,
cheer up.

465
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:34,071
All right.

466
00:19:40,912 --> 00:19:42,780
Let's sing
another song.

467
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,281
Yeah.
Yeah.

468
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,884
You all join in
on the chorus.

469
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:49,486
♪ A peanut sat
On the railroad track ♪

470
00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:51,689
♪ His heart was all a-flutter ♪

471
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,058
♪ Around the bend
Came the 8:15 ♪

472
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,493
♪ And now he's peanut butter ♪

473
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:58,662
♪ It ain't gonna rain
No more, no more... ♪

474
00:19:58,664 --> 00:19:59,697
Come on, everybody.

475
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,298
♪ It ain't gonna rain no more ♪

476
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,500
♪ How in the heck
I'm gonna wash my neck ♪

477
00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:05,302
♪ When it ain't gonna rain
No more? ♪

478
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:07,504
♪ Oh, it ain't gonna rain
No more, no more ♪

479
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:10,174
♪ It ain't gonna rain
No more... ♪

480
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,041
Edith!

481
00:20:12,543 --> 00:20:15,045
You having a good time?

482
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:19,183
Archie, you came back,

483
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:21,618
just like in the movies!

484
00:20:30,328 --> 00:20:34,297
Take off
that Chinky bathrobe.

485
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,967
No, Archie, we're having
a "come as you are" party.

486
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,936
Let me introduce you.

487
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,071
You know Gloria, you know Mi--

488
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,405
Cut that out.

489
00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:47,077
It's like
an opium joint in here.

490
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,678
Bunch of Commies
doing hijinks.

491
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,648
Gloria, you didn't tell me
you had a daddy like that.

492
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:53,150
What you mean by that?

493
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,619
Well, Mr. Bunker, my sister
and I are from Dallas,

494
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,454
and our daddy would think
you're a Communist.

495
00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:58,521
ARCHIE: Why?

496
00:20:58,523 --> 00:20:59,790
Because you live
in New York City.

497
00:21:01,425 --> 00:21:03,794
Why don't you two sing him
your daddy's favorite song?

498
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,262
That's a
terrific idea.

499
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,631
Betty Sue, Joanie, come on.

500
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:09,032
Don't be shy.

501
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:10,934
I don't want
to hear no song.

502
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,137
Get away from me.

503
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:17,440
♪ If Communism comes
A-knocking at your door ♪

504
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,109
♪ Don't answer it ♪

505
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,846
♪ If Communism comes a-knocking
At your neighbor's door ♪

506
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,447
♪ Don't let him answer it ♪

507
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:26,984
♪ For Democracy's the way ♪

508
00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:29,619
♪ To live each and every day ♪

509
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:31,421
♪ So when Communism comes ♪

510
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:35,926
♪ Just say
You're not at home ♪

511
00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:40,764
♪ From Democracy
We'll never, ever roam ♪

512
00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:41,631
[CHEERING]

513
00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:50,107
Well, your daddy's
favorite song

514
00:21:50,109 --> 00:21:52,409
is a damn good song.

515
00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:53,543
But I know very well

516
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:55,478
that youse two don't
believe in it, see.

517
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,080
I know when my legs
are being pulled

518
00:21:57,082 --> 00:22:00,550
by a couple
o' little pinkos there.

519
00:22:00,552 --> 00:22:02,786
And I think you ought
to put some clothes on too.

520
00:22:02,788 --> 00:22:04,788
I don't know why
I'm looking at youse.

521
00:22:07,725 --> 00:22:09,726
Come on. I think we ought
to go home now.

522
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:11,962
And that includes
Gloria and Mike. Come on.

523
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:13,596
Oh, wait a minute,
Archie.

524
00:22:13,598 --> 00:22:15,833
I want to tell you
something.

525
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,901
I was wrong.

526
00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:20,570
Of course you was wrong.

527
00:22:22,073 --> 00:22:25,876
Well, don't you think you should
say you was wrong too?

528
00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:27,744
Wrong about what?

529
00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:30,113
About Mike's privacy.

530
00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:33,250
Everybody's got a right
to their privacy.

531
00:22:33,252 --> 00:22:35,685
I got a right to know
whatever goes on

532
00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,721
with anybody under my roof!

533
00:22:37,723 --> 00:22:41,424
That's why we're not under
your roof right now.

534
00:22:41,426 --> 00:22:43,793
Archie, couldn't you say
you was wrong?

535
00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:45,195
I said I was wrong.

536
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,397
I said I was wrong.
I said I was wrong.

537
00:22:47,399 --> 00:22:50,567
Oh, well, in that case...

538
00:22:50,569 --> 00:22:53,203
youse were all wrong,
but I ain't.

539
00:22:55,874 --> 00:22:58,108
Archie, we ain't coming home

540
00:22:58,110 --> 00:23:01,678
until you say
we got a right to our privacy.

541
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,146
You know what that is, Edith?

542
00:23:03,148 --> 00:23:05,883
That is blackmail, blackmail--
which is a worser crime

543
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,484
than the crime
of searching his closet.

544
00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:09,552
Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

545
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,188
So you admit
you were wrong.
Huh?

546
00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:12,389
You said you
committed a crime.

547
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:13,423
I never said anything.

548
00:23:13,425 --> 00:23:14,958
You just said--
you just said

549
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,360
that searching
my closet was a crime.

550
00:23:16,362 --> 00:23:17,560
I never said nothing
about that.

551
00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:19,062
Oh, Archie,
say you was wrong.

552
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,163
I was wrong.

553
00:23:20,165 --> 00:23:21,164
And I was
wrong.

554
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:22,299
And I was
wrong.

555
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:23,901
What is this,
True Confessions?

556
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:26,236
[MIMICKING] I was wrong.
I was wrong. I was wrong.

557
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:27,371
He said it!

558
00:23:27,373 --> 00:23:28,872
I never said nothing!

559
00:23:28,874 --> 00:23:30,673
♪ For he's a jolly
Good fellow ♪

560
00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:33,143
♪ For he's a jolly good
Fellow ♪

561
00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:35,212
♪ For he's a jolly good
Fellow... ♪

562
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:36,713
Shut up!

563
00:23:36,715 --> 00:23:40,217
♪ Which nobody
Can deny ♪

564
00:23:40,219 --> 00:23:41,618
♪ He said
He was wrong ♪

565
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:44,154
Ah! Not that!

566
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:46,323
[ARGUING]

567
00:23:53,531 --> 00:23:56,900
Oh, Archie, here's a poem
you wrote to me.

568
00:23:56,902 --> 00:23:58,302
I never wrote no poem.

569
00:23:58,304 --> 00:23:59,602
Oh, yeah, listen.

570
00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:03,407
"When skies are blue,
I think of you,

571
00:24:03,409 --> 00:24:05,976
and in the rain,
I think again."

572
00:24:05,978 --> 00:24:07,744
Oh, yeah, yeah.

573
00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:11,048
"So please remember me,
Dear Edith,

574
00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:15,385
When safe at home,
These lines thou readeth."

575
00:24:18,589 --> 00:24:20,523
"Thou readeth." Oh, my.

576
00:24:20,525 --> 00:24:22,259
Wouldn't it be nice

577
00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:25,595
if everybody talked like that
in real life?

578
00:24:25,597 --> 00:24:27,797
No, Edith,
it would be dumb.

579
00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:30,867
Oh, I don't think so.

580
00:24:30,869 --> 00:24:34,204
I'd love to hear you
talk to me that way.

581
00:24:36,140 --> 00:24:39,809
All right, Edith.

582
00:24:39,811 --> 00:24:43,413
Wilt thou stifle thyself?

583
00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:02,499
[♪]

584
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:04,301
ANNOUNCER: All In The Family
was recorded on tape

585
00:25:04,303 --> 00:25:06,836
before a live audience.

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03x17 - Archie Goes Too Far

03x17 - Archie Goes Too Far