05x06 - The Gospel of Judas

[bunniefuu]

If there has been one
business venture this year

that has sparked water
cooler conversation,

it is without a doubt, LYTE,

the pharmaceutical enterprise

that promises a fast
road to enlightenment

without years of a spiritual practice.

Joining us today are Dory Sief,

the messianic face of LYTE,

and Tunnel Quinn,

the innovative billionaire
who took a chance on her.

LYTE's current valuation is $ billion,

growing rapidly every day.

Dory Sief, Tunnel Quinn,

congratulations.

You are makin' the Big Bucks.

How are you?

I am whole, and I am joyful.

How are you?

- Fine.
- So let's get into it.

A lot of people are criticizing

the viability of your company,

particularly rumors swirling

around your pharmaceutical team

not releasing recent
research to the FDA.

We are trying to accomplish something

that has never been done before.

So the steps work a little differently.

We have a great
relationship with the FDA.

And we are working together to ensure

that this pill is safe and effective.

Well, I gotta say,

I-I think that the whole future looks...

- promising.
- Wow.

The "New York Times"
called your company a cult

with snake oil.

What do you say to that?

Well, I'd be lying if I said

we didn't expect that.

You have to understand
this venture is a marriage

between science and spirituality.

And when you bring existential
matters into fields

that are dominated by big
pharma and big business,

they're going to see that as a thr*at.

And that's fine.

You know, it's natural

to challenge movements
that pursue truth.

If I had an ounce of what
she had when I was coming up.

Now, recently social media
coming from LYTE headquarters

have, um, images

and videos of employees

with chemical burns on their foreheads.

This controversy has
made its way overseas.

The Duchess Leonora
Hamsdale's royal estate

has made their anxieties
known through a recent video.

So now let's take a look.

Leo, my love,

please come home.

Come home to mummy and grandmummy

and all our staff.

I'd like to think that we brought you up

better than this,

to go and burn your beautiful face.

Vile behavior.

Well, how does that
make you feel seeing that?

I understand why some
people might be put off

by the unusual spirit of my workplace.

But what other people think
of us is none of our business.

- Wow.
- I wish you two

the very best of luck in your noble

but polarizing pursuit.

Thanks for coming on.

Be blessed.

[BELL RINGS]

That was great. Yeah.

And jeez, Dory, you are...

You are a natural.

Hey, this week, uh, you know,

with the Hamsdale chaos going on,

I think I should, uh,
swing by the institute

and make my presence be
felt and pop my head in...

[GROANS]

Oh, my...

Are you okay?

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I haven't been feeling well lately.

Um, well,
you could have somebody look at you.

[PURITY RING'S "OBEDEAR"]

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, but dear, the sky is low ♪

♪ Fluent sea men rig their rudders ♪

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

Hello?

♪ ♪

[BELL RINGS] Oh.

Hi.

Checking in?

- Uh, actually, no.
- Um...

Sort of have a strange question.

Um, I'm looking for someone.

Uh, I don't know her name,

but she att*cked a friend of mine.

I just wanna know what
she knows about her.

Uh, she might be connected

to something called the Jesper Society.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

What did you just say?

The Jesper Socie...

- Shh!
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

How do you know about that?

Um...

well, she att*cked my friend with this.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

What?

♪ ♪

What's... what's going on?

♪ ♪

[LINE RINGS, PICKS UP]

Annabelle,

we have to get the group back together.

It's happening again.

♪ ♪

- [QUIETLY]
- What's happening again?

Hey, everyone.

I am coming on to respond
to some mixed feedback

I've been getting ever since myself

and my LYTE community decided
to make a bold statement

in altering our faces
to support our cause.

First of all, no one
forced me to do this.

This was completely my choice,
and I stand by it.

For, like, centuries people
have shown their dedication

to causes in all kinds of ways.

I feel bad for anyone who's been stuck

with their same old
forehead their whole life.

I no longer consider

the Grand Duchess and
Archduchess my family.

Family has your back

no matter what color your forehead is.

I actually think I'm on
the right track here.

So you're enlightened

because you had a near
death experience, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- So my first thought was

to recreate that experience.

- Exactly.
- Anyways,

I remembered something interesting.

When I was little and in the summer

I would go my grandma's house,

and there were these awful little bugs

called Phoenix Beetles.

And they have something
called Biological Thanatosis,

which means that they can literally die

for a few seconds as a survival tactic

and then come back to life.

And I couldn't help but wonder

if something like that
would be possible in humans.

Does that sound crazy?

Ritchie, that is brilliant.

- Yes! Yes!
- That is gre... that's insane.

So if we bind the Phoenix Beetle enzymes

with the euphoric neurochemicals,

we could create a... big bang.

Hold these for me, love.

Yeah.

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, sorry.

My hands seem to be a little
too numb to hold on to things.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Don't worry, honey.

The visuals are just a learning tool.

- You get the gist.
- Okay.

- Well, this is exciting.
- [CHUCKLES]

- There's just one hiccup.
- Hmm?

Which is that I need access

to the biological samples
to isolate the enzymes,

and I know the lab upstairs
has a huge library of samples,

but ever since we used their chemicals

to burn our foreheads

they've required a
special pharma clearance.

Mm, that sucks.

- Wait, El.
- What's up?

Doesn't Dr. Carpet
have pharma clearance?

Maybe he could help us,

you know, gather some supplies.

- I don't know.
- I don't know.

Yeah, because, um,

he's actually going through,
like, a really nasty divorce.

Yeah, his wife cheated on him

with, um, his own parents.

- Oh.
- Yeah, it's f*cking perverted.

Yeah, so I just don't think
he's in a place right now

where we could ask him
to do us a favor, you know.

Is there any other way? Any other way.

[CHUCKLES] Without the sample,

it could take us years
to get that shipped.

And it's not easy to come by, Elliott.

Okay.

All right, well,
maybe I need to talk to him.

No!

Sorry. Sorry.

I'm just very protective of my
relationship with Dr. Carpet.

So why don't I just feel it
out with him, test the waters.

- Happy to do it.
- Okay.

- Wonderful.
- Cool.

- Wonderful. Wonderful.
- Wonderful.

[EXHALES]

Okay. I did it!

My hand's burning from
whatever the liquid is,

but I did it.

So is the Jesper thing
connected to my friend Dory?

'Cause I-I just wanna
find out who the woman is.

That's all I...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Annabelle.

John.

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Oh.

You look exactly the same.

I called the others.

♪ ♪

So you're the one.

Yeah. Well, I-I guess so.

I'm really just trying to
find out some more information

about this woman who stabbed my friend.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Oh, my word.

Wally Winhead, is it really you?

It sure is.

What happened to the rest of you?

Personal trainer and
a Wall Street salary.

- Good on you. Good on...
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Anybody order a -year-old knish?

- [CHUCKLES] Oh!
- Wow.

Always a kidder, right?

- Come here.
- Annabelle.

No. Yeah. No.

No, no. Hey. Hey.

So, hey-uh! Uh!

Sorry, I just need your help for...
a minute.

I just have a very simple question.

I'm just trying to track down
the woman who owned this.

- [GASPS]
- Holy Toledo.

- He's back.
- Oh, no, no.

- W-who?
- Jes... Jesper?

- Shh!
- [LISPING] Thith ith bad.

Thith ith bad.

My lithp, ith back.

After years. Ith back.

It's him. It's him.

What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?

All right. All right.

Don't get hysterical.
We're gonna be okay.

- Well, I have a family.
- I can't get them involved.

♪ ♪

You have a family?

I do.

Just, can someone tell
me what's happening, or...

What is this?

♪ ♪

We all have them.

Jesper Society.

I thought this was over.

Well, apparently he's found a new host.

Okay, so the woman
who stabbed my friend,

- she had this.
- [GASPS]

- [LISPING] Matilda.
- Sthe sthould be here.

- I called her.
- She did not pick up.

- What is...
- What's Matilda's last name?

[LISPING] I can't do thith.

I'm not sthrong. I
can't do it. Not again.

- Paully.
- I can't.

Paully!

Don't get scared, Paully.

That's what the Jesper wants.

Fear is what it feeds on.

What's Matilda's last name, though?

Could someone just please,
maybe, before the Jesper comes

or whatever,
we could get Matilda's last name out.

[SIGHS]

Guy...

In ,

this town was under siege by...

the Jesper.

And only five children could see him.

And we banded together to fight.

- I don't... I don't...
- I don't care!

So would somebody here
please for the love of God

just tell me what is
Matilda's last name?

ALL: Lombardo.

Lombardo.

Thank you.

Jesus Christ.

Why was that the hardest
thing I've ever had to do

in my entire life?

It is so late now!

[SIGHS]

Matilda... Lombardo.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

That was Dory's asylum.

♪ ♪

[VOMITING AND COUGHING]

[SPITS]

Ugh.

Portia, I'm really sick.

- Oh, I know, sweetie.
- I know.

It seems like you just
have a really bad bug.

♪ Every morning, every evening ♪

♪ Oh, we got fun ♪

[VOMITING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Well, well, well.
- Look who's back.

Hi, Benny.

You didn't show up.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Meet at the fountain at midnight.

That's what we agreed on.

Do you know how stupid I felt?

- I'm all f*cked up.
- I'm a mess.

I'm a bastard. A dog.

Then you come in here to my lab.

I may never see my children again.

I...

I do...

want to be with you.

Dr. Benny.

Damn it, I can't resist you.

[BOTH MOANING]

Let's go to the airport.

Tonight.

Let's change our lives together.

Okay. Yes.

I absolutely agree to that.

[SULTRY PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

If I were the Phoenix Beetle samples,
where would I be?

What?

Kiss me.

♪ ♪

[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]

You got it. Yay!

- Okay, that is all there is.
- There is no more.

And Dr. Carpet is no longer
willing to cooperate.

I think he's gonna k*ll himself.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

[SQUEALS HAPPILY]

♪ Give you a minute ♪

♪ Give you an age ♪

♪ And when I write the book ♪

♪ You could be on the front page ♪

♪ This is the start ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This is the start ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This is the start ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This is the start ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This is the start ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This is the start ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This is the start ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This is the start ♪

♪ ♪

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Visitor

or checking yourself in?

Neither, actually.

I was wondering if I could meet

with Dr. Philip Lombardo?

What did you wanna meet
with Dr. Lombardo about?

Uh, it's about his connection
to a friend and colleague.

Her name's Dory Sief,
she was a patient here.

I don't wanna lose my job

so I'm gonna need you to leave.

I'm sorry, what?

- Please get out right now.
- Okay.

- Go.
- You're serious?

- Get out. Just get out!
- Okay. Yeah, yeah.

- Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Go! Now!

- Hey. I... [CHUCKLES]
- Is there somebody else

that maybe I could speak to about this?

Yo, man, you need to listen to her.

Okay?

Okay, yeah.

♪ ♪

[SIGH]

Ahh!

You're Drew Gardner?

Yes.

You are in great danger.

I'm sorry, what?

Dory Sief is not well.

What?

It is my personal opinion

that she should not be allowed

to roam about the world

freely influencing the minds of others.

Are you Dr. Lombardo?

No, I'm Dr. Flesh.

Dr. Lombardo was her
primary psychologist.

Dr. Lombardo took his own life.

And it is my belief that
Ms. Sief encouraged him

to do so in pursuit of some
enlightened resurrection.

But there's no coming back from death.

We were all fascinated by her.

I masturbated to her a few times, but...

- What? No.
- Why would... no!

One thing I do feel certain of

is that her particular conviction

in a higher existence

does not make her the guru
that people believe she is.

This delusional spirituality

is nothing more than schizotypal traits.

What should I do?

If she isn't stopped,

she will continue to destroy.

♪ ♪

Yeah, take this.

She made it.

This is what it's like inside her head.

She believes the world
is coming to a brutal

apocalyptic ending,

unless she can stop it.

And also,

don't tell anyone I gave that to you

or said any of this.

It's simply inappropriate of me.

- Hey, hey. Wait!
- Wait a...

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Oh, holy hell.

♪ ♪

That's the LYTE logo.

♪ ♪

So I'm not exactly sure what this means,

but I feel like it could be a good sign.

You see this guy here?

Yeah.

This is Gemini.

And you may notice now that he's dead.

But if you look at the brain scan,

you'll see something promising.

Right after he d*ed, his brain
was flooded with neurochemicals

here, here, here, and here,

which I hope is in alignment
with what you experienced.

This guy didn't make it out.

So I'm hoping that I
can tweak the formula

so that his brain chemistry

enacts with the beetle enzymes,

and hoping that it could work.

- Oh, that's exciting.
- Ooh.

Honey, y-you're bleeding.

- Do you need a tissue?
- What?

Thank you.

Have you considered the possibility

that you're being poisoned?

You're exhibiting all of the symptoms.

Poisoned?

♪ ♪

[VELCRO RIPPING]

Here sweetie pie.

Hopefully this helps.

Aw, thank you, Portia.

So good of you to be by my side.

- Of course.
- Okay, Dory,

so we're sending your
blood samples to the lab

for a more thorough report,
but your urine test

does indicate a very
high toxicity level.

So what does that mean?

It means that you've
been exposed to chemicals

that are seriously compromising

your immune system.

I can tell you

that you've been interacting
with something toxic,

and I would suspect it's
been a routine exposure,

given how extreme this test result is.

Oh, my God.

So she, like, has been poisoned?

I would imagine so.

People in your position often are.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, a little more butt.

Nice. Oh, shake it.

♪ ♪

Dory, do you need help with something?

♪ ♪

Whose bag is this?

Oh, that's mine.

Do you need, like, a tampon

or a Ludens or something?

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SQUEAKING]

Hello?

♪ ♪

Gemini?

Oh, my God.

You're alive.

You're alive. I can't believe it.

♪ ♪

Whoa. Okay, be careful.

This crystal's very fragile. I...

Don't touch any of this!

Don't. Back away.

Dory, is everything okay?

♪ ♪

- [MOUSE SQUEALS]
- [GASPS]

Something very bad is happening.

Okay, very bad is happening,

and it's so not cool.

What is happening?

Someone is poisoning Dory,

and it's probably one of you.

One of us? Who would do that?

Hmm, I don't know.

With questions like that,

wouldn't be surprised
if it was you, Marty.

- I would never.
- Oh, shut up.

♪ ♪

Wait. Where'd you go?

Gemini!

Whose is this?

It's mine.

♪ ♪

What is this?

Makeup remover.

♪ ♪

Text me back, damn it.

I love you.

♪ ♪

Ah!

Whoever did this

is seriously, like, going to jail.

This is not a joke.

This is a complete
and total deal breaker.

♪ ♪

It's insane.

I can't believe that someone

would even consider doing this.

One of the more horrific things

I've even ever thought about.

What?

Dory, you already doing... I'm ticklish!

Stop! Okay, Dor. Dor.

You know I'm ticklish! Stop!

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

What is this?

What is that?

Why do you have this?

♪ ♪

Why do you have this?

[SCREAMING]

And what kind of woman

are you looking for today?

Well, uh, I'll tell you,

here's the deal,
I-I'm having kind of a bad day.

So I want to employ your services.

It's just the usual, nothing physical.

Um, you know, I lay down on the ground,

as I've said before, and they form

a circle around me and
throw out the compliments.

Generally, bucking me up, you know.

- Of course.
- Who did this to me?

One of you did this to me.

One of you put this in my pocket.

Portia,

tell me the truth.

No, Dory, I am! I am!

I didn't do it, I swear to God, Dory.

It was one of you guys. One of you!

Who did it? Who put it in my pocket?

Wait.

Did you poison her, Portia?

[GASPS]

I would...

Kidding? I would never poison Dory.

We're, like... I'm like...

We're, like, soulmates,

and we're, like, so happy and in love

and having the best
f*cking sex of our lives.

What?

Portia.

- I swear, I swear, I swear.
- I knew it!

I knew it. I knew I couldn't trust you.

What?

How do you have this?

I went to the Mayflower Asylum, Dory.

All right, I talked to Dr. Flesh.

He told me everything.
He told me that you're crazy,

that you basically k*lled Dr. Lombardo,

and that I can't trust you.

Wait, wait, wait. What?

k*lled Dr. Lombardo?

- Dr. Lombardo is dead?
- Yes.

Because you encouraged
him to k*ll himself.

You don't talk to her like that.

- Shut up! Shut up!
- Shut the f*ck up!

We are now entering the
premises in the hopes

of making contact with
our captured daughter.

- Beautiful Leonora.
- Mummy.

What are you doing here?

Oh, my God.

You're embarrassing me!

Stop making documentaries about me!

Oh, darling, your...

Your destroyed face.

Oh, mummy, this is even worse in person.

Now, pack your bags.

You are coming with us.

No, I'm not.

BOTH: Yes, you are.

No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

I'm sorry, can somebody please

get these, like,
foreign intruders out of here?

Hey, don't deflect, Portia.

You still owe me an explanation.

- You owe an explanation.
- Guys, guys, guys.

[OVERLAPPING ARGUMENTS]

- Dory, Gemini is alive.
- What?

We did it.

We made enlightenment.

[OVERLAPPING ARGUMENTS]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

[ALL SCREAMING]

Um, I don't know why it's
so tough to scrape up...

Oh, my goodness.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ God is everywhere at once ♪

♪ Don't you realize ♪

♪ We are the luckiest ones ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Dressed so fine ♪

♪ People wonder who we are ♪

♪ And heaven is all mine ♪