08x02 - A Beam of Sunshine

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "weeds"...

Gentlemen, I sell marijuana.

The profits are almost instantaneous.

We can funnel it wherever we need it.

I need messengers... Good-looking messengers.

You make one comment about what you'd like to do to someone if you had them naked and tied up...

When jill and I were split up, I didn't get to see shayla and taylor all that much.

Mom?

Aah!

Is she alive? Yes. However, she is in a coma.

If we see the swelling has come down, we'll bring her out.

We're working sh*t out. Yeah.

We're full of emotion. I'm not in college.

I'm in the police academy.

We're criminals.

It's the family business. What the f*ck are you doing?

I think I want to be a cop.

Hey, mom, any idea who sh*t you in the head?

I thought I'd feel better.

But I don't.

"It has a cap in the kitchen."

That makes no sense.

A cap in the kitchen?

It's morel.

M-o-r-e-l... It's a mushroom.

I've seen that clue before.

Um, a mushroom has a cap... In the kitchen.

Morel.

Yes. That works.

I like crosswords.

By the way, welcome to room 343.

My old neighbor wasn't here long... d*ed.

My old, old neighbor, though, went home quick...

Full recovery... Balloons, lots of family...

You're the post road sh**ting, aren't you?

I...

Oh, yes. Post road sh**ting.

That's me.

Nancy. Hi.

Everyone in town knows your story.

How much is enough? That's what I want to know.

When they've k*lled off your whole bloodline...

They......after what they did to your father out in the nevada desert, and your grandfather.

The incinerator in sicily.

Hey, mom.

Shane.

I'll go do the pony express?

Wait. Um...

I'll go with you. Help me.

Let's do it!

So, we're mafia?

Yeah, the cops read "mexican mafia" in your file, and it got re-interpreted as "mafia mafia"

On the old sandwich gossip circuit.

Aunt jill works it in town, parks in the handicapped spots.

Jill corleone.

She does the jersey accent. It's kind of sad.

I have something I want to show you.

Is that from school? Yeah.

Honey, i-i know I've been pretty out of it, but I've been so impressed with your...

Y...

Like a train, how it keeps going up a hill.

Chug-chug. "I think I can, I think I can..."

Perseverance. Fortitude.

Yes! Both.

Crap.

At least I got "morel."

Mail call!

Oh, you got me the sudoku book! I love you!

Have a good one.

So, red lines are people who want you dead for revenge.

Yellow lines are people who would profit from your demise, but for them, it's less personal.

As you can see, we're mostly red...

Guillermo, cesar, heylia.

Educated money says it's guillermo or...

Be nice. Be nice?

Son-assisted therapy... I like it.

And how are we doing on the stair test, young lady?

On my way there right now.

You get up those stairs, I'll have you back in your own bed by tomorrow night...

Or whoever else's bed you want to end up in.

I'm gonna miss your mother very much when she leaves here, shane.

She's been a... Beam of sunshine for all of us.

Dr. Dolegnow, 3211.

You're very lucky to have her.

Dr. Dolegnow, 3211.

Beam of sunshine?

That's me.

It's amazing what a .22-caliber slug will do.

Burn that diagram. Promise me.

Mom, i... I'm serious.

You avoid this topic every time I bring it up.

If you do come home tomorrow, whoever did this...

...might come back and try to finish the job.

He won't.

How can you be so sure?

Shane, I know because I know.

He got what he came for, and he regrets it.

You know who did it.

How could I know, sweetie?

Oh, god.

Okay.

I need to... Sit down and... Stop talking.

You'll try again later.

Right.

Spider.

Come on.

Spider doing push-ups on a mirror.

Ding-dong! Ding-dong!

Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong!

Okay! Okay, taylor.

I got it. I got it.

What's going on?

You have company.

Guess I'm gonna have to take a rain check on that last part.

Not an issue.

Aww, insulation.

No. I was hoping.

Daddy's here.

Hey, hey, hey. It's "uncle scott," stevie. We talked about this.

What a nice surprise, scott.

Andy, good to see you, and apparently, it's good to see me.

Excuse me. Hey, how, uh... How was india?

Good. Good.

Uh, three weeks with dysentery gives you plenty of time to think.

You know, when the, uh, sky is gray, it's just clouds, not actual sky.

Then the clouds pass, and you see that the sky's still there and it's still blue.

The clouds aren't hurting the sky.

They were temporary.

Wow.

Okay.

Hey, i, uh, got something for my girls.

Cookie-dough flavor.

I thought those were discontinued!

I stopped at three whole foods on the way here from the airport.

Mmm!

Babe, you got to try it.

Oh, yum.

Finish it. No, it's yours.

No. Okay, okay.

So, anyhow, I am super jet-lagged and not too used to wearing shoes.

So I'm gonna head to my hotel, but I would be so grateful, jill, if you could have dinner with me.

There's a lot we need to talk about.

I'll see you guys later.

Daddy, I want to stay at the hotel with you.

Oh, kitten, I'm not going anywhere.

There's plenty of time for us to talk about what's gonna happen.

Everything will be fine.

Come on. Walk me out.

sh*t! What "sh*t"?

He sees the blue sky behind the clouds.

You should have dinner with him.

No. He wants things.

He wants to see his kids.

He's uncomfortable in shoes.

Hear him out, don't agree to anything, eat, and then come home.

Oh, I do need to find out which whole foods he went to.

I f*cking love these bars.

Oh.

Pony express.

Look at you... Up out of bed, making the rounds.

Staircase test.

You'll do it.

Well...

Pistachios.

And...

Don't know how you drink it...

But peach schnapps. Oh!

Hmm? No.

Mmm.

I'd offer you some, shane, but peach schnapps is for girls.

Thanks for sparing my masculinity.

Ahh.

That bad, huh?

Oh, it's tuesday, isn't it?

Getting anything from the clown?

The infamous clown is here?

I know. He's a rip-off, but I can't do morphine.

It makes me sick to my stomach, and... These make me giggle.

Pony express, can you do it?

It's on us.

Thank you.

All right. Quick, quick.

It's the last room at the end of the hallway.

Got to get there fast before he sells out.

No checks. Cash only.

This ain't fair.

Anyone with tumors should get first dibs.

f*ck you. I'm stage 4 breast.

End-stage leukemia and already recommended for hospice, so suck my d*ck, pal.

Wait your turn.

Uh, three please. Uh, lemon, lime, and cherry.

Those are twenties. That's a huge markup.

They should call him "gouge-y the clown."

Douche.

Come on, man, I'm in pain here.

There's a reason they call it "medicinal."

You okay?

That guy.

Yep.

Was I like that? A douche?

A-a gouge-y clown douche?

Well, at least your customers weren't sick.

Sickness is relative.

I think I was a bad person.

I don't want to be like that anymore.

Okay. Good for you.

N-no.

No. Good for all of us.

We're not gonna be like that anymore.

That was the "before" botwins.

Now... We're the "after" botwins, like those people on the weight-loss ads.

"Before"... Unhappy.

"Now"...

Lovely and better dressed...

With our hair done

'Cause we're... We're feeling good about ourselves, right?

You notice how they're only ever smiling in the "after" photos?

The smiling makes a big difference.

Let me see you smile, honey.

Come on.

Really?

Mom, this is dumb.

Go on back in there. Don't lose your place in line.

Get the lollipops so greta will giggle.

I'm tired. I'm gonna go... Back in bed.

Yeah, keep them coming.

We got this boring-ass shareholder thing we got to do tomorrow.

Uh, kiku said we need to get your credit card.

For what? She's charging us?

We're the investors.

Window.

We made that bitch.

Sorry. Kiku said.

What bullshit! Company card.

Did you get a chance to take a look at our proposal?

Remind me again.

Okay, so, each trikini comes with its own scarf.

That can be tied six different ways.

Sarong. Sash.

Headband.

Kerchief.

Capelet.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Show me that one again.

Capelet. Mini-cape.

How much do you need?

You're moving.

Is that a safe word I heard?

No.

Just one thing, and I'll stop.

Two. First...

I prefer your hair dark. Why can't you dye it again?

Second... You need to talk to your uncles.

They come to the loft and take from the supply.

And whit... Is he even related to you?

Am I here to talk about business?

No. I am not here to talk about business.

When is your mother coming back? I need her help.

I'm about to run out of supply, and I can't...

Ahh...

You done?

I'm not sure.

You think you can stay quiet?

Probably not.

Hello?

Sure.

When do you need it?

I can be there in...

Two hours.

Bye, mom.

Obstacle course again.

He said 85%, right?

Sorry? In class.

Sergeant salzberg said 85% of all male juvenile offenders come from fatherless homes.

Not too surprising, right?

Your father dies. You go off the rails.

You punish everybody any way you can.

You've given this some thought.

Dead father, psych major, expert on the topic.

But you're not off the rails.

You're here, and I'm here, and we're both in the "dead daddy" club.

Well, look at that... Kindred spirits.

Maybe we're just two sleeper cells of rage waiting to explode, and this is our way to get the g*ns.

You're dark.

You talking sh*t about my skin tone now?

Uh... No. I-i didn't... I just... Just...

f*cking with you.

Come on. Let's do this stupid obstacle course.

We should have made sugar. Everyone likes sugar cookies.

I was thinking 15, 18 bucks each...

Maybe 20?

I steeped the butter for a long time in my strongest strain.

No one's gonna need more than a bite to feel it.

We're not taking any money for them.

Huh?

It's not right to profit from pain, honey.

We're not that kind of people.

My mother worked in... In gift wrap at the hudson's on woodward, downtown detroit.

All our presents had to be wrapped the hudson's way...

Perfect.

Christmas morning k*lled her to see us tear them all apart.

She actually cried.

Perfect.

We're at least gonna need to cover our costs.

Honey, you're thinking like "before" silas.

Don't be "before" silas.

That was the past. That was the prologue.

Come here.

Smile.

Here, help me wrap.

I'll teach you the hudson's curl.

Was she nice?

My mother? No.

Whoa! Hey, you clean up nice.

Are those nancy's shoes and... Dress?

Mm-hmm. She's gonna be home soon.

I got to wear it while I still can.

It look okay? More than okay.

Why so, you know, fancy?

It's called shoving it in his face.

I didn't wither on the vine. I'm thriving. Good logic.

Smart. Might gain you some leverage with the custody.

Cross your legs a lot during dinner slowly, and dangle the shoe off your foot.

No, that might be too much.

Is he taking you somewhere good?

Chinese. I'm gonna have everything on the menu.

I will order extra and bring some home. What do you want?

Sesame noodles. Oh, yes.

Good call on the noodles. Those will be great tomorrow.

I won't be late. Okay.

Remember... Agree to nothing, just hear the man out, be kind and respectful, and think of the kids.

And cross your legs a lot. Good luck.

You're out of your league.

Way the f*ck out of your league.

Back off!

When will they be satisfied?

Animals.

I always thought we'd stick around long enough to see the "foil-age."

It's not "foil-age." It's "foliage."

What are you girls doing?

Packing up. Going home.

Home? Why?

Because they're getting back together.

This is what happens... He gets control-freaky, and she gets pissed off and leaves.

We live somewhere else for a while.

It was sausalito last time.

She finds... A distraction.

Rick. Rick with the houseboat.

Dad gives her some time.

A couple months. Then they have dinner.

He apologizes.

She remembers what she likes about him.

He's stable. He's a good breadwinner.

He talks about all the work he's going to do on the house.

She got her painting studio out of it last time.

She sits us down and tells us we're going home.

Did she say that? She said you were going home?

Not yet. She will. We're getting a jump start.

Okay this is not gonna happen at all.

That's just... I...

Just need to make a call.

I'll call.

Hi, it's jill. Leave a message.

It's probably in her bag. She can't hear it if it's in her bag

'Cause it's zipped up, it's muffled under the...

Ooh. Oh.

Yeah.

So sorry to interrupt.

Looks super-erotic.

Smells like... Onions, though.

Uh...

I don't think we've met.

Post road sh**ting.

Maybe you've heard of me?

My family?

Cosa nostra.

I... Heard things.

Maybe you should enlighten drug-pusher bozo here about who he's threatening.

I need to get back to work.

Now that we're alone... I'll speak frankly.

I come from a long line of people who can make other people disappear, as if by magic.

I didn't know. No, you didn't.

And here I am, trying to live a better life and do the right thing, and you bring all this negative sh*t into it.

I don't want any negative sh*t.

I've had way too much of it already.

Here's what's gonna happen.

From now on, people in pain... They don't pay.

Hospital workers, nurses...

I don't care. Gouge them.

But the patients... They're your charity.

Price of business.

I'm... Leaving here tomorrow, but I'll be back in a week to check on you.

So don't f*ck around to see what you can get away with.

Okay? Yeah, okay.

You've got a second chance to be a better person.

Use it, okay?

I just... I just want another.

Yeah, yeah.

Hello?

Um, uno mas? Ichi? Por favor?

I'm... I'm just gonna read it.

"Jill, I come to you today a clean slate...

"Tabula rasa." Mmm.

"Empty, but for one desire... To start fresh.

"I hold no ill will for the choices you made, no grudges, no anger."

Mmm. So good. "We walked our paths...

Sometimes difficult and hazardous..." Mm-hmm.

"...and those paths led us here."

Mmm. Oh, thank you so much.

Thank you.

Ahh. Okay, go ahead.

"I want you to know I regret who I once was

"And what I allowed our lives to become.

I was a," uh... f*ck head.

A f*ck head, yes.

"I'm here today to ask you to release

"Your assumptions from the past

"And choose, instead, to be like the cells

"Of all continually regenerating living beings who cannot but exist inside change."

"Unfolding, unfolding.

"Jill, I'm not here to reclaim our old lives

"But to redefine them, "to toss out the calcified remains of the past

"And embrace our vital energy...

"Yours, mine...

For our sakes, for our beautiful family's sake."

You have my vow that I will no longer attempt to control, lessen, or diminish who you are or what you'll be but to embrace it, entire.

This word is my troth.

Your what?

Troth. T-r-o-t-h.

Why did you come here?

I'm not a distraction.

I'm not rick with the houseboat.

You're jealous?

No. Yeah.

You can't go.

The girls can't go.

Nobody can go.

This isn't just f*cking.

This is something else.

Sounds like f*cking to me.

This is the ladies' room.

I no longer choose to embrace all that you are, jill, or will be.

You no longer have my f*cking troth!

People don't change. It's bullshit!

Six months in india down the f*cking ganges!

Bye-bye, nancy.

Oh. Oh, goodbye. Good luck.

Hey. Thank you.

Oh, stop. Stop, stop.

Sweetie, say thank you to the clown.

He's the one who made you all the balloon animals.

Thank you, mr. Clown.

Good boy.

Okay. See you later.

Bye. Good luck.