05x14 - It's a Wonderful Lie

[bunniefuu]

Lisa, hey, baby.

I know I talked to you three minutes ago, but I missed you.

Phoebe, no! Phoebe.

[DOG GROWLS]

Hey, I'm on a phone call. I'll be out in a sec.

Phoebe, down!

No!

Phoebe, no!

Yeah, Lisa, you know I love you, baby.

[CARLTON SCREAMING AND GRUNTING]

CARLTON: Phoebe! Yes, I love you.

All right, so I'll see you tonight? All right. Bye-bye.

Oh, so, Carlton, what did you want?

Stop. Don't move.

Let me see you caress the syrup with your tongue.

Why don't you let me see you caress a Tic Tac with your tongue?

When you are angry, your whole face, it has such character.

Well, look, why don't you get up out of my character while I'm eating.

I must rush to the easel while the hostility is still fresh.

Daddy, why do we have to do a family portrait anyway?

We're in transition, sweetheart.

And I want a portrait to capture us as we are before we drift further apart.

By the way, Hilary, what are you doing here?

Well, it's so dark at my house. None of the lights work.

You have to have the power turned on. Call the electric company.

Well, I tried, but the phone doesn't work.

About this portrait, sir... am I to be involved?

Well, I don't know, I suppose when it's finished, you'll dust it.

I hope he's not painting it tonight, a bunch of us are going ice skating.

Yes, and I'm going to a Quayle in '96 Tupperware Party.

Hey, hey. So you guys know about this party tonight, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Man, you know, everybody knows about that big party.

All right, cool. All right.

Yo, man, how come I don't know about that party?

You out of the mix, man. You're married.

Whoa, wait a minute. Just because I got a girl, don't mean I can't hang with my boys.

Hey, cool, but be warned, there's gonna be females up in there.

Girls will be swarming like bees.

Let them swarm on back because I got the queen.

Okay, but once the party starts buzzing, you're gonna wish your stinger was free.

All right, hold, hold, hold, hold on.

The honey is always sweeter at the hive.

Now, you know bees got to go from flower to flower.

Oh, yes, sir, but once they start pollinating, then they... Happen... Uh...

Look, can we just talk, please?

Fine, fine. But if you ask me, man, I think you need to dump that ball and chain.

Hey, Lisa.

Look at how cute... You are a lucky man.

Hey, baby. What's up, baby?

So, what's going on tonight?

You know, I've been thinking, you really been neglecting your friends.

Did you make plans with your friends?

I can cancel them, baby.

Will, you don't have to do that.

I don't care if you wanna go with friends. Just tell me.

Maybe I'll have my girlfriends over.

We'll pop popcorn and dance to Janet in our nighties.

How come we don't never do that in our nighties?

Will, I'm serious.

Our relationship is based on trust.

I want you to have your own life.

Yeah, you're right, you're right. I be tripping. I'm stupid.

So, what are you guys gonna do?

We...

Basketball. Yeah, we...

Yeah, we're going to a basketball game.

It's the Clippers. The Clippers, they clipping. And, uh...

Yeah, they playing against the... uh... The, uh...

Uh, the Twins.

[MUSIC PLAYING & PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Hey, Ricky, Lucy let you out?

Me? Last I heard, Jewel was patting you on your head and tossing you a treat.

I'm here, ain't I?

It's all about letting her know who wears the protective cup in the family.

[PAGE BEEPS]

Oh! You never saw me.

Hi, Will.

Hey. Wait, you look familiar.

Do you have, like, a really fat twin sister?

Will, it's me, Tina.

Ten Tummy Tina?

Girl, you must have lost 20...

Eighty pounds.

You look nice. Thanks.

You should get to know the new me.

I really firmed up.

I know the feeling.

Hey, look, Tina, baby, trust me, if this was two months ago, I would be down.

Well, but then, two months ago, you were still up.

Listen, I have a girlfriend and, you know, just... I ain't trying to live like this.

So?

Tina. Uh, Tina.

Oh, look, make-your-own sundae. Ooh!

Aw, dang.

Okay, listen.

We're gonna hang out for a minute, dance, then we're heading back to your place.

Yeah, right. This is a party, Lisa.

You've been tied down to one man too long. You forgot how to work it. Now, come on.

Guess you gotta serve yourself around here.

I know that hand.

Um... See, what had happened at first was...

See, at first, I was at the game... but then a sn*per came.

And...

The coach had got sh*t.

I know someone who should be sh*t.

Will, you lied to me.

Wait. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute, Lisa.

Come on, now, if this was two months ago... by now I'd have been up in this party in my drawers doing the Tootsie Roll.

But I'm not having any fun right now.

And you know why?

Because I feel guilty.

That's right, I'm at Hoochie Phi Hoochie and I ain't having no fun.

Now, that's progress.

Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait.

What about you...

Miss Nightie-Wearing, Popcorn-Popping, Dancing-To-Janet...

Well-At-Least-That's-What-I'm-Going Tell-my-Boyfriend, Little-Party-Freak?

Will, I wanted to stay home, but my girls wanted to come out.

This ain't no trial, you don't have to explain to him.

Hush, puppy.

TINA: Guess who.

Look, honey, I don't know who you are... but if you don't take your hands off my man... you're gonna lose all that pretty hair of yours.

Sheesh.

Look, Lisa, sweetheart, why don't we take this discussion elsewhere.

This is not a discussion, Will, it is a fight.

And my jacket is in there.

It better be.

Come on, open the door, my girl's jacket is in there.

Hey, Will, what's wrong, man?

[SOBBING]

Baby, no!

I ain't playing with you, come on.

Will, you have no right to drag me home, I am not a child.

You're just a grown woman now, huh?

Listen, Will, I didn't do what you think I did.

Look, I don't even wanna think about what you think I think you did.

Oh, you know what, you're a regular old party girl now, Lisa.

Why don't you break it down for her.

Oh, okay. Well, let's see here, Ashley.

Usually, at these parties... there's a bunch of pathetic guys who have a good thing going on.

But they think they're missing something... so they go out scamming, looking for someone new.

Think I can take it from here, Lis. Thanks for the ride home.

Fine, Will, you do what you gotta do and you take your time... but we're gonna handle our business.

Hey, don't everybody be walking away from me!

Ashley!

Listen, I am not playing with you, girl. What is your problem?

It is none of your business, Will.

Oh, I found my 15-year-old cousin locked in a bedroom with a linebacker... and that ain't none of my business?

Hey, man.

Um, we was talking about this movie we had seen.

Um, the movie we just came from... it was about a linebacker and a fraternity.

You know, and Larry Fishburne played the dean.

Shut up, Will.

Is that the family room?

All right, young lady, out with it.

Okay.

I didn't go ice skating.

I went to a party.

And, yes, I was with a guy, but we were just kissing.

You have no business with a college fullback.

He was a linebacker, Uncle Phil.

Daddy, it wasn't just anybody.

He used to go to Bel-Air Academy and I had a big crush...

Save it. There are not enough words in the English language to explain your behavior.

My God, do you have any idea the kind of danger you put yourself in tonight?

All my friends... If all your friends jumped off... the damn MTV building, would you do it?

Do you have any idea where your daughter was tonight, Vivian? Hmm?

At a fraternity house playing touch football in the bedroom.

Ashley.

Mom, do you remember Andre Lawrence?

The fullback?

He was...

Ashley, go to your room.

Mom, please let me... You heard what your father said.

But, Mom. Go!

You all right?

I'm fine.

I was just trying to recall what it felt like to be 15.

So long ago, how could you remember?

I'm just so upset that I'm saying things I don't even mean.

I'm gonna go have a talk with Ashley.

You know, sir, if you really wanted to teach Miss Ashley a lesson... you could always have her taken out of the portrait.

Miss Ashley and I are about the same height... it would be a simple matter of painting my head on her body.

Phillip, Ashley's gone.

What?

Take the back streets. I don't wanna be seen.

Shut up and look for Ashley.

- Hello. WILL: Hey.

Lisa, what's up? It's me.

Will, it is 1 in the morning.

Yeah, yeah. I just called you two minutes ago.

Where were you?

I was asleep. Uh-huh.

Sure you ain't just getting in?

Just as sure as I'm about to hang up on you.

How you gonna call me at 1, then ask me where I been?

All right, all right, all right. My fault, my fault.

Look, Ashley ran away and I just thought she might be there with you.

No, you didn't.

Keep me posted.

All right.

When we find Ashley, she's reimbursing me for gas.

Where is she?

Well, if it was me and I ran away from home...

I'd probably check into the Four Seasons and get a massage.

Well, y'all should have seen Uncle Phil.

Dude just went straight loco.

That big vein in his neck looked like an anaconda.

Look, there's a method to my father's madness.

If he came down hard on Ashley, it was for her own good.

Man, you think everything your father does is right.

Of course, don't you?

Hell, no.

Carlton, Will's right.

Daddy is way too strict.

Well, he may be strict, but he's always fair.

Yeah, when you're a son.

Well, sons are different than daughters.

In your case, just barely.

If you're referring to the size of my endowment, it's almost as large as Hilary's.

God, I hope you talking about money.

Yes, thank you. I'll tell him.

Sir, the precinct says they'll keep looking.

I can't believe she's out there somewhere, Vivian.

Our little girl.

Sorry, guys, we couldn't find her.

Will, this is all your fault. My fault?

Where else did Ashley learn such behavior?

Wait a minute. You're the one that chased Ashley out of here.

How dare you talk to me like that?

He dares because he doesn't respect you.

Neither of them do.

What a crock.

How you go and just tell a bold-faced lie like...?

HILARY [OVER RECORDER]: Carlton, Will is right.

Daddy is way too strict.

WILL: Right, you think everything your father does is right.

CARLTON: Of course, don't you?

WILL: Hell, no.

And listen to this from last week. Hey, man, what is wrong with you?

Hey, what up, Ash?

Hi, Will.

[CHUCKLES]

You mean we've been out running all over this city looking for you... and you've been up in here?

Well, I did run away.

But there are some weirdoes out there.

You know something, this is all your fault.

What is that, like, the theme of this family?

"When in doubt, blame Will."

If it wasn't for you, Daddy would never have found out about that party.

Ashley, that still doesn't mean that you should have been there.

Ashley, listen, college boys are like predators.

You know, they prey on innocent little high school girls like you.

They're like piranha, Ashley.

And you're 110 pounds of teenage chum.

A hundred and eight and I'm not as innocent as I look.

All right, I am.

Well... you ready to walk that last mile?

Will, I didn't do anything.

The Lord is my shepherd...

Hey, everybody, look what I found.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Now, we've got a bit of a volatile situation here.

A powder keg if you will.

A mishandling of this situation could have repercussions that will reverberate forever.

Vivian... call your sister and tell her she's about to lose her only child.

I'm gonna call her and tell her myself.

Look... now, I could ground you forever.

I could put bars on your windows, I could put locks on your doors.

Daddy... Don't "daddy" me.

Do you have any idea what you put this family through?

Running around doing God knows what with God knows who.

If I'd have asked, you wouldn't have let me go.

You're darn right. You're 15 years old.

You have no business at a party with college boys!

All my friends were there. Your friends don't live here!

I can't do this.

You talk to your daughter. I'm done.

You guys hate me.

Ashley, if that were true, we wouldn't care when you did something foolish like this.

What you have to understand is that we know what's best for you.

It may not seem like that now, but one day you'll understand that.

End of discussion.

Mom, don't you understand?

Yes, I understand.

I understand you lied and you ran away.

And another thing... as long as you live in this house, you will follow our rules.

That's it!

Mom.

[BANGS]

Ashley, I understand what you're feeling.

But you have to consider the seriousness of what you did.

You really hurt us this evening.

All I want is for you to trust me.

Trust is a very fragile thing... and you're gonna have to start earning it all back.

I messed up really bad.

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Ashley.

Mama, I'm sorry.

I saw Ashley's tutor leaving.

Oh, yeah, they're actually gonna let Ashley eat tomorrow.

Yeah, that's what happens when you lie.

You gotta be punished.

So, what do you think your punishment should be?

Oh, I don't know.

I think it should hurt.

I think it should really teach me a lesson.

And I should be wearing some kind of hat.

You are sick.

Okay, no hat.

I think people lie because the truth hurts. Yeah.

Like, take this jacket you're wearing.

What about this jacket?

I love it.