01x01 - Long Live Captain Cakerz!/Terrible Tuber Trouble/Healin' Touch with Dr. D

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: One boy...

Yeah!

NARRATOR: One worm.

You know it.

(GROANS)

(BEEPS)

NARRATOR: These are
their adventures.

(ROARS)

(WHOOPING)

Sweet!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Whoo!

All right, yeah.
Pretty fun. Future-Worm.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Mount St. Pancake
is about to erupt.

(VOCALIZING)

(LAUGHING)

Future-Worm!

Whoa! My pancakes!

Today, you're gonna
try Captain Cakerz for the first time.

Tastes like birthday cake
with a crunch!

Uh... Captain what-ers?

Captain Cakerz!

You're gonna try it
in the exact same conditions

that I first tried it,

while watching
Steak Starbolt!

MAN: (ON TV)
Steak Starbolt!

DANNY: I'll never forget
my magically crunchilicious first time.

MAN: (ON TV)
Back to Steak Starbolt!

(LAUGHING) I'm Steak Starbolt.

Whoa! Steak Starbolt rules!

-(LAUGHING)
-(GROANING)

No, Steak Starbolt. No!

Mmm! Captain Cakerz rules!

Get ready to have
your life changed forever.

All right, sure.
Whatever, kid.

You're gonna love this.
Just you wait.

-Waiting.
-Huh?

Who ate all
the Captain Cakerz?

-(WHISTLING) Good morning, boys.
-Morning, boys.

Mom, Dad! Someone ate
all the Captain Cakerz.

We just got
this box yesterday.

Who would do such
a thoughtless, selfish thing?

Boys, I don't know
how to say this, but...

Honey, I don't know
how to say this. Can you help?

What your father
is trying to say is that

we ate it all in the middle
of the night.

We just devoured it!
I mean, can you blame us?

Well, obviously, yeah.

(SIGHS) No, I can't.

Oh, well, I'm fine with
some chicken and waffles.

(SNAPS)
So, get on that, Doug.

No way, Fyootch.

We gotta get some Cakerz.

To the store!

Come on, this is it, man.

You're in for a real treat.

(SIGHS) Huh?

Where's the Captain Cakerz?

(YELLS) Stop! Stop!

(YELLING)

Hey, Bug, what's up?

Howdy, boys. Hate to be
the bearer of bad news,

but your beloved
Captain Cakerz is sold out.

Everywhere!

(SCREAMING) No!

Yup.

(SOBBING) No, why?

Here, this'll do.
Let's go.

Ew! Cwaptain Cwispees?

Oh, same diff.

(GRUNTS)

Don't you understand?
It's not the same.

It must be
Captain Cakerz!

Kid, I've been all over
space and time.

I've seen it and ate it all.

There's more to life
than some silly breakfast cereal.

Future-Worm, you haven't lived
until you've had a bowl of Captain Cakerz

while watching Steak Starbolt.

It will tickle your taste buds
and rattle your retinas.

As your best friend,
it's my duty to make this happen for you.

I promise!

Whoa, kid, that was some
moving stuff. (SNIFFLES)

Because it's so
important to you,

it's important to me.

Let's do this!

Whoo! Now you're talking.

Later, Bug.
Peace out!

Wait, wait. Can I come?
Can I...

Oh, man.
I never get to go.

What's the planning, Danny?

First, we scour
the th century for buried treasure.

Then we pay a visit
to the Gurus of Gold.

And then we stock up
the week before it sold out

so you can finally crunch
that crunchity-crunch crunch!

FUTURE-WORM:
(LAUGHS) That was a great planning, Danny.

Ah, all right. Let's see
what this is all about.

(GRUNTS)

Not yet, Fyootch!

Wait till we get back home
to watch some Steak Starbolt.

The only way it was meant
to be enjoyed.

Sorry, man. All this talk
about how life-changingly tasty it is

got me all wiggly
with excitement.

(COUGHS) Plus I'm starving.

In time, my brother.
Now, let's load this up and head back.

Uh, it's not all
gonna fit, is it?

Yeah, I don't think so.

To my backyard!

Mission accomplished.

Now back to the present where nothing
could possibly stand in our way.

Can't wait! Ooh!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Uh, D...
There is something standing in our way.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

DANNY: Oh, no! Alien invasion!

Gloopy-glup.

-Gloopy.
-(GURGLING)

Oh, no! Mom and Dad's
anniversary ficus.

Oh, no! Mom and Dad!

BOTH: Gloop all day,
gloop all night.

Surrender to
the gloopy's might.

(BOTH GURGLING)

You kiss your mama
with that mouth?

Time to teach you
some manners.

(PANTING)

(GRUNTING)

That doesn't usually
end up with me covered in goop.

-(GRUNTS)
-Gloopy!

Time for...

(BEEPING)

Robo-Carp.

Mop up these sloppy fools.

Mopping.

(SCREAMS)

BOTH: Weak!

(GASPS)

BOTH: Super weak!

(ALL GRUNTING)

I always knew
this is how it would end.

You tell me this now?

Well, this or trapped
on a catwalk

among radioactive waste about to get eaten
by werewolves on the moon.

-Huh?
-Just a theory.

-(GRUNTING)
-Ah!

-BOTH: Bug!
-Come with me if you wanna live.

BOTH: We wanna live,
we wanna live.

(YELLING)

(SIREN WAILING)

They can drive, too!

And they've already
established a police force?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

-(GASPS)
-Hold on.

(YELLING)

(SIREN STOPS)

DANNY: What the heck
is going on, Bug?

Yeah, who are those
slime sacks?

Those were Gloopies,

an evil spineless
alien race.

Hey! Nothing wrong with being spineless.
(CLEARS THROAT)

But, uh, yeah, carry on.

They secretly invaded Earth,
then gathered up all the Captain Cakerz

and sh*t it into the sun.

After that,
the Gloopies proceeded to enslave humanity

and gloop over
the entire planet.

All this over
Captain Cakerz? Why?

Because it's their weakness.

Whoa! It's astrophysicist
and supercool scientist

Neil deGrasse Tyson!

N.D.T!

Good to see you again,
Future-Worm.

What? You know
Neil deGrasse Tyson?

(SCOFFS) Yeah, of course!
I love science.

Tell him our theory,
Dr. Tyson.

Well, this alien invasion
has seriously challenged Fermi's paradox.

So much that it...

Not that theory, Dr. Tyson.

Oh, right. Sorry.

The Gloopies are pretty much
just big glops of sour milk.

What always stays crunchy
in milk?

Uh... Rocks?

Captain Cakerz,
of course!

Indeed. We believe
that if they come in contact with it,

they'll dry out and die.

Yeah! I even designed these
sweet cereal f*ring weapons!

Too bad all the Cakerz
have been wiped out of existence.

Not all of it.

Future and I went back in time and buried
a whole bunch of it in my backyard.

-(GASP) Yes!
-There's hope. (LAUGHS)

That's what
I'm talking about!

There's no time to waste.
Let's get to work on a plan.

Oh, yeah!

-Let's go!
-Hey, homie,

I know we get to save
the world and all,

but I haven't forgotten
about my promise to you.

Yeah, I'm seriously hungry, kid.
So let's get on with it.

Good luck.
I'll stay here at the base,

but I'll be monitoring
your activity.

Telepathically.

Whoa! Neil deGrasse Tyson's
telepathic, too?

Yeah. You guys didn't know that?

Thank you, N.D.T.

(GLOOPIES GRUNTING)

You ready, Fyootch?

(SPITS) You know it.

(MALE VOICE READING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANING) I can't wait.
I gotta eat.

-Future-Worm. No!
-(GASPS)

We can't waste a single bit
of that cereal.

Remember, we must save every last bite
to defeat the Gloopies.

Okay. Gotcha. Loud and clear, Doc.

(LAUGHS) Psych.

(WHISTLES)

Time to balance
this breakfast.

GLOOPIES: Gloop, gloop...

(ALL YELLING)

It's working!
It's working!

(YELLING)

(GASPS)

Mom, Dad?

Gloopy!

Oh, come on. Really?
I'm trying to save my parents here.

Gloopy!

-(POWERING DOWN)
-Oh, no.

(YELLS) Leave me alone.

Danny, catch!
(GRUNTS)

Take that, sucker!
(GRUNTS)

-Ooh, you got him, all right.
-Ooh, nice sh*t!

-(ROARS)
-DANNY: It's not working.

We just gotta
hit them with more!

Oh, no.
We're out of Cakerz.

DANNY: Bug!

Tell my story!

I don't understand
why it's not working.

No!

(GLOOPIES GRUNTING)

(SHOUTS) Fyootch! Oh, no!

We're done for, man!

Kid, if this is
our last supper,

let's make it breakfast.

You saved a box? Yeah!

At least we'll go out with the sweet taste
of Cakerz in our mouth.

(BOTH CRUNCHING)

(GLOOPIES SCREAMING)

Hey, what?

That's it! The crunch
is their weakness.

They can't stand
the Cakerz crunch. Keep crunching.

Mmm, give me more, then.

Good thing I got teeth.

(DANNY CRUNCHING)

Whoo! Yeah!
Let me get my crunch on.

(ALL CRUNCHING)

Yes! You made it,
Mom and Dad! You're free!

-Hello, son.
-Thank you, Danny.

Now I'm gonna need
everybody to get outside to safety.

-You got it, son.
-Neil deGrasse Tyson?

You there?

Yes, Danny. I'm good.

Record and broadcast
this crunch around the world.

You got it.

(CRUNCHING)

They're retreating.

(ALL CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

You saved the world.

Here's lifetime supplies
of Captain Cakerz.

(ALL CHEERING)

You're the best, Fyootch.

I thought there was no topping
Cakerz and Starbolt,

but it never tasted better
than with you.

I'm down with cereal
that can k*ll aliens,

but you kind of overhyped
this frosted cardboard, kid.

I'm sticking with chicken
and waffles.

You hear that, Doug?
Get me chicken and waffle!

NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

Yes! It's finally here!

FUTURE-WORM:
Oh! Fu-chem rules!

Whoa, hey!

It's me!
Professor Gigglesnorp!

I'm in
a Future Chemistry set.

What are you waiting for?

(CHUCKLES)
Open this baby up

and we can get started
with some chemistry-ing,

future style...

-Oh, whoa-oh!
-Sweet!

-Oh, yeah!
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Anyone in there?

Danny! Hi there, son.

Remember that favor coupon
you gave us for our anniversary?

Yep. We're calling it in.

A romantic dinner. Tonight.

Oh, yeah.

-(GIGGLES) Come on, Doug.
-Okay, dear.

Oh, man!

Yep. It's legit.

Looks like we got to
get down to business and bust out our...

Uh, chef batons?

I don't know.
I don't know anything about this stuff.

(GROANS)

I had to go
to the year AD to get this set.

So, technically, I've been waiting
, years to play with it. (GROANS)

Whoa! Boys! Boys!
Ho-ho!

Listen. Favor coupons
aren't supposed to be called in.

It's simply not done.

Look, I do wanna chem it up,

but if I break my word
to Mom and Dad, I'll lose their trust.

Plus, they'll realize
all my coupons are worthless.

The entire
coupon economy will crash,

leaving me on the hook
for tons of presents.

-Okay, Fyootch, we got minutes
-(BEEPS)

before we gotta have
dinner ready.

So let's bang this out
and get chemistry-ing.

Right on!

Let's see.
Recipes. Recipes.

No time for any
of that stuff, Fyootch.

We just gotta wing it.

Okra pickles,
mustard cheese,

Tim's Tropical
Tuna snacking compound

and, of course,
Captain Cakerz.

What do they all
have in common?

They're all good!
So think about it,

if we combine them all together,

they'll be incredible!

Oh, yeah! Here we go!

(BEEPS)

(BEEPS)

(BEEPS)

-(BEEPING)
-Flavor town, here we come!

(MIMICS CLANKING)

(BOTH VOMITING)

-(GROANING)
-(GROANS) Where did we go wrong?

You'll never get the hang
of this cooking thing.

It's too hard.
Let's admit that, move on,

and pop open
this crazy chemistry thing.

Get into some protons,
you know, isotopes and whatever.

We're almost there,
Gigglesnorp.

One go-back change-o,
and we'll be in isotopia!

(WHIRS)

(BOTH SLURPING, VOMITING)

(BOTH VOMITING)

Ooh, I know.

Robo-Carp.

Microwave it up!

(BEEPS, WHIRS)

(BEEPS)

Weak.

(VOMITING)

(VOMITING)

(VOMITING)

(VOMITING CONTINUOUSLY)

Gee, honey.
This is great.

We haven't had
a nice, quiet dinner since...

Uh, how old is Danny now?

(VOMITING CONTINUES)

Boys? Is everything all right in there?

Everything's all right, Mrs. D.

Tell Dougto keep his pants on.

-(GROANS)
-What gives?

We've done this minutes
a zillion times.

None of the foods here
combine into a meal.

(BEEPING)

Except one.

How could I forget
the versatile potato?

Take two
and power a clock.

Mash 'em up for mashed potatoes.

Fries? (SCOFFS)
Fry 'em up, son!

-Fry 'em up!
-Aw, man.

These little dudes
may be big enough to power a clock,

but there's enough tate here
for shoestring fries.

(SPITS) I love shoestring fires!

Better living through science.

What'd you just say?

Oh, nothing. Just our motto.

I thought you might have noticed it
splashed across the packaging

of this handsome
future dollar chemistry set.

You know, maybe
the solution to all your problems

lies inside here.

Hmm. Maybe there is
something in here that will rapid grow

or clone or multiply those taters!

For the good of the meal.

Kid, as much as I've dug
hanging out with you

though endless cycles of hurling,

I gotta say, let's do this!

So, uh, what have you
got in here that's safe for

making our meal-o, massive-o, Snorps?

Listen, I'm not here
to tell you what's safe or not safe.

I'm here to get you to have fun, Danny.

You know, to use
this chemistry set for your life,

you know, make it better
and more exciting.

For me to witness as an immortal from...

Yeah, dude. Yeah.
Don't need your life story.

Just give us the potato-growth juice.

Uh, um... How about this?

Sodium hexa mutationide...

Six?

It's a future paprika, with confidence.

Whoa! In the future,
paprika can grow stuff?

Uh, who knows? I... I don't know.

DANNY: Whoa!

Sweet! Think he's friendly?

(ROARS)

What's the deal, dude?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
You know what they say.

Science is, uh, an inexact science, right?

-(GROWLS)
-(SCREAMS)

Time to meet my maker,

Schleshinger-Davis Holo-Toys Incorporated.

-(GROWLS)
-(ALL SCREAM)

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

-Uh-oh.
-(SCREAMS)

(STOMACH GROWLS)

Oh, oops!
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Uh, sounds like
our stomachs are getting impatient.

And it's not just hunger.

Some tummy tunes
are produced from the gases released

by the bacterial fermentation

of the undigested food
in the lower intestine.

It's a true science fact.

And that's why I married you.

-(LOUD CRASH)
-(BOTH GASP)

-(GROWLS)
-Yikes!

He's ticked, man.

It's time for a go-back change-o!

Dude! How are we
gonna unmake dinner without the lunchbox?

By grinding it into potato salad
on my titanium abs!

(PANTING, GRUNTS)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(GROANS)

No!

The chemistry set!

Eh, and you too, buddy.

Not cool! (GASPS)

Oh, Brain-tingle!

Oh, okay. Uh, let me see.
A-ha! Baked potato!

-Fyootch, follow my lead.
-You got it, D.

Fried spices.

-(GROANS)
-Plenty of butter.

Wrap in foil.

-And...
-Bake at ,

chive turkey.

-(EVIL LAUGHTER)
-Hot, hot, hot hot.

What... Is that
amazing baked potato?

-It's so big!
-And juicy looking.

Dig in,
you two lovebirds.

Mmm... What is... Paprika?

Ooh, I love tubers.

-(GIGGLES)
-So yummy.

Turns out, cooking's a breeze
when you follow the recipe.

-You two went above and beyond.
-(GASPS)

You sure did, Danny.

-(GRUNTS)
-At ease!

My name is
General Archibald Couponocus

of the Intergalactic
Consourtium of Couponery.

Son, for your actions to preserve
the integrity and value of coupons,

I present you with this coupon

allowing you to avert one instance
of planetary destruction

by alien forces.

And there's no need
to use it on our invasion.

Because we decided not
to destroy your planet.

I'm General Couponocus,
and that was my speech.

Sweet!

NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

MAN: (ON TV) It's Futuary fifth, .

Today on Healing Touch with Dr. D.,

Reggie is a French cyborg
whose bionic knee needs help.

And we'll meet a worm from the future
and his frozen brain pet human.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(GROANING) Brain freeze!

My cranium's gone cryogenic, man.

You sure this TV guy
can get rid of my brain freeze?

(SPITS) It's the year , Danny.

You've got modern future science.

Dr. D is a pro.

Guy can heal anything.

I love this show!

Cyborg Reggie,

are you ready for
the healing touch of Dr. D?

(MUMBLING)

(ROARING)

(SCREAMS)

HOST: Dr. D has been
a practising physician for over years.

He graduated second in his class
at Johns Seven Zotkins Medical School.

(ROARS)

(DANNY SCREAMING)

I know what you're thinking.
But Dr. D is legit.

CYBORG REGGIE: Oh, no!

Sure, his methods may seem
a bit unorthodox, but...

(CYBORG REGGIE SCREAMING)

-A bit?
-Hmm.

Might have got
this mixed up with a different show.

(GROWLS)

Human Danny, are you ready
for the healing touch of Dr. D?

No, sir. Brain freeze all gone.

All better. Watch.

(SLURPS)

(SCREAMS) Brain freeze!

Ahh!

Whoa! Coming through.

Whoa.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)

Oh, yes. The future's pretty wild, huh?

(SLURPS)

Ahh! Brain freeze!

-Oh, weak!
-(ROARING)

FUTURE-WORM: Run, kid!

(PANTING)

(GROWLS)

-Look, uh...
-Shh.

-Shh? You shh!
-(WHISPERING) No. You shh.

Look, this wasn't my fault.
Must be two Dr. D's.

(GROWLING)

(SLURPS) Ahh! Brain freeze!

(STOMPING)

(FUTURE-WORM SHOUTING)

Goodbye, Fyootch.

Think of me
whenever you drink slushies.

(ROARS)

(SNORING)

(GASPS) My brain freeze.

It... It's gone.

-AUDIENCE: Aw!
-That's right.

The healing touch of Dr. D
has cured another believer.

Nothing cures brain freeze
like a cold-blooded embrace.

His cold blood
sucked the freeze right out of me.

Told you.
Nothing to worry about.

My knee pain is gone
along with my knee itself!

Merci beaucoup, Dr. D!

Let me get on
some of that dino hugging.

Oh. Yeah, yeah. That's right.

-(CLAPPING)
-That's all the time we have for today.

Next week, Dr. D's guest
will be a man with jelly fish hands,

and a snow man
who wants a nose job.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)