01x04 - Bubble Dad/Porthole to the Lizard/Future Danny and the Ghost Pirates of Tau Ceti

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: One boy...

Yeah!

NARRATOR: One worm.

You know it.

(GROANS)

(BEEPS)

NARRATOR: These are their adventures.

(ROARS)

(WHOOPING)

Sweet!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Whoo!

All right, yeah. Pretty fun. Future-Worm.

Uh, I'd better go through
the checklist one more time.

-Doug!
-Dad!

Three times isn't enough?

You checked off "bug spray" so many times,

you put a hole through the paper.

Yeah, Dad, quit stressin'
and quadruple-check the "have fun" box.

Nature's like a science theme park,
and I've been waiting all year to go.

It's the perfect time of the year!

To hunt birds.

Get revenge for what
they've done to my people.

Uh... And, uh, there you are,
roast marshmallows.

I'm kinda hungry, I guess.

Okay, everyone, electronic devices out.

I'll take that. Hand it over, please.

This is for me. There we go.

It is the one time of year
where we get to leave

all of our crazy devices behind

and just submit to
the simplicity and beauty of nature.

Surrounded by gorgeous trees and...

And fishing, and hiking!

Oh, cute little bunnies!

And... And those things!

(STAMMERS) You know?

Oh, I just love those things!

Well, those things terrify me!
Whatever they are.

(SHUDDERS)

Dad, I figured you'd freak out,

so I packed you something special

to keep you safe from everything.

The Dad Bubble! Ta-da!

Wow! Would you look at this?
Aw, thanks, Danny!

Now let's go through
the list one more time.

Enough's enough. You better man up!

If nature throws danger at you,
you chew up that danger up

and spit it back in nature's face!

(SPITS) Yeah.

It's fun to be scared!

That's why there's horror movies
and roller coasters

and that weird monster kid from school!

(SCREAMING)

Monster! It's a monster!

-(CRASHING)
-Monster! It's a monster!

-Hey, Paco.
-(GROWLS)

Okay, we're going now.

(CHUCKLES) Poison ivy!

You can't poison-ivy me today. (CHUCKLES)

A forest with no birds?

This is weak!

I got a score to settle.

Wow, I've got to hand it to you, Danny.

This thing really works!

(DOUG HUMMING)

Ooh! I know this! It's a...

-A blister beetle!
-That's right!

Their larvae are parasitic to bees.

And a toxin sprays out
when you touch 'em. Boop!

Oh, yeah! Did somebody say "toxins"?

-Toxins are tight!
-(SCREECHING)

Whoa!

And so it begins. The hawk.

Predator of the simple-minded worm.

To him, I'm a helpless foodstuff,

a pawn of nature.

Just another chump
in the circle of life? (SPITS)

Wrong!

Times have changed,
and I'm gonna pummel nature to the floor!

-You hear that, hawk? It's on!
-(SCREECHING)

(SPITS)

Okay, that mud tasted pretty bad.

Yay, all right!

Hey, Mom, phone-pic that cutie!

We garbage-disposed our phones, remember?

But it doesn't matter.

Real memories are better than pictures.

All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

-(GASPS)
-(HISSING)

(WHIMPERS)

Not so fast, snake. I'm invincible.

(WIND HOWLING)

(GRUNTING)

-Danny, Megan...
-(BOTH GASP)

(SCREAMING)

-Doug!
-Dad!

(GROANING)

-(BATS SCREECHING)
-(SCREAMING)

Oh! Ah! Help!

-(GROWLS)
-Oh!

(GASPS) Oh, my goodness!

(WHIMPERING)

(PANTING)

(SIGHS) Wow. It really is
beautiful out here.

Hey, little friend, you're ador... (GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

(YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

(DOUG SCREAMING)

(CHIRPING)

The early bird gets to fry.

(SCREECHES)

(GASPS)

(CHIRPING)

Ugh.

-(BURPS)
-(YELPING)

You monster!

-Doug!
-Dad!

Sweetie?

Dad!

Dad!

Doug!

-Doug, sweetie?
-Dad!

Wait, it's no big.
We'll just GPS him with our... Oh, right.

(GASPING) No GPS. No text. No e-mail.

No calls...

How did we do anything before cell phones?

Forget about Doug.

The guy's got the survival instincts
of a moth!

He's worm food by now.

Speaking of that, where's lunch?

(GASPS) Wait! We don't need gadgets.

I spent three years
as a Little Lady forest scout

and earned the esteemed
Silver Badger Badge.

All right, Mom!

Badger the heck out of these woods!

I got a beef with a bird,
so I'll catch up with you guys later.

(SIGHS)

(SNIFFING) Hmm. Huh.

(GRUNTING)

Hmm.

Hmm.

-(WIND WHOOSHING)
-Hmm.

(GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) The bubble hid
all of Doug's scent, hair, fibers...

Any clues at all!

His trail is cold!
And the night is getting colder.

This is all my fault.

I wanted to set Dad free, but instead,
I put him in a polyurethane prison.

Hey, buddy, it'll be okay.

Doug's a soft batch,
but your bubble will keep him safe

till we find him, I guess, or maybe not.

-Who knows?
-Huh?

Look out, Fyootch!

-(SCREECHING)
-(SCREAMS)

-(BIRD SCREECHING)
-(FUTURE-WORM SCREAMING)

ALL: Bubble-Man, Bubble-Man.

Uh... Uh-oh. No.

Bubble-Man, Bubble-Man,
cure the ache inside of my head.

Rid us of our stomach pains, Bubble-Man!

Bubble-Man, remove this dead raccoon
from my head.

Uh, I don't know who you gents
think I am, or what's going on,

but I've... I've got my own problems

and a family to get back to.

So, good day... (PANTING)

(BLOWING RASPILY)

We can't let you leave,
Bubble-Man from worlds beyond.

You are the chosen one.

You must deliver us
from our horrible fate!

(STAMMERING) Let's see here...

-Well, what's this one do?
-(ALL GASP)

-(BEEPING)
-Uh...

Oops.

(ALL GASPING)

See? He really is the chosen one!

The one hero who can save us!

Uh, you got the wrong guy here.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

ALL: (CHANTING) Bubble-Man, Bubble-Man.

Bubble-Man, Bubble-Man, Bubble-Man.

FUTURE-WORM: Get off,
or I'll show you you picked the wrong...

Get away! Shoo! Leave him alone!

Oh, man! You ruined my big chance!

I was just giving 'em
a false sense of victory

before beard-butting them into drumsticks!

What are we gonna do about Dad?

At this rate, we're only going
to get more lost.

I didn't bring my time-machine lunch box
or any devices.

But we did bring our minds.

Danny, it's time for a...

NARRATOR: Science brainstorm!

Fyootch, over here! We need you.

But I've finally got... (GROANS)

Fine, all right.
Whatever, you win. It's always you.

That's it. We've got everything we need
for our hot air balloon design.

Yeah, except for the balloon part.

Kind of important.

Any ideas how we could fly, Fyootch?

I came here to resolve
my issues with birds.

Lot of my ancestors were bait.

And they were proud
to sacrifice themselves

on behalf of mankind.

For you, Danny, it would d be an honor.

Trick those birds into attacking me
so you can enslave them for your airship.

You mean it?

You know it.

Uh-oh! Uh-oh, uh-oh!

Look how dumb and defenseless I am!

Flip-flop, worm, worm.

Just wormin' it up over here!

(SCREECHING)

Eat this! And this! (GRUNTING)

Solid smackdown, Fyootch.

Now let's go rescue my dad.

(SCREECHING)

(GRUNTS) Come and get me,
you has-been dinosaurs!

Whoo!

It is time to perform the important deed.

Prepare the knives!

(ALL CHEERING)

I... I think I see him.

There's... There's villagers of some kind.

And... They're going to eat your father!

No! Quick, dive-b*mb 'em, Fyootch!

You know it!

(ALL CHEERING)

Nobody's never eating nothing. Never!

All together now!

(DOUG GASPS)

Get that pink snake!

Dad!

How dare you try and eat my husband?

No, no, no! Stop fighting!

-We're here to rescue you!
-(FLIES BUZZING)

And I think we already
crushed most of them.

(ALL SHOUTING)

(YELLING) Everybody stop!

Sorry for shouting.

These people need our help!

We're not so easily defeated, sky-woman.

Bubble-Man was teaching us his ways.

Don't you see? These people are sick.

They're completely isolated
and scared of the outside world.

Aw, poor guys.

I was teaching them about hygiene,

using fire to boil their silverware,
k*lling bacteria!

Things they'd know
if they ventured beyond these woods.

We were scared of fire because it burns,
but Bubble-Man says it will save us.

Really? Scared of fire?

Wow, Doug. (WHISTLES)

You found people who are even wussier
about trying new stuff than you.

There is a better world out there
for you all if you're willing to face it!

And fear is your worst enemy.

And even I, Bubble-Man,
can overcome my fears.

(GROANS, THUDS)

-But the bubble... It's gone!
-(ALL GASPING)

That's the point.
I don't need a bubble to be Bubble-Man!

We can all be bubble-men without bubbles!

Bubbles be gone for all!

(FLIES BUZZING)

You started strong there, Doug,
but, uh, you're losing 'em.

(CHUCKLES)

You know, there's a convenience store,
like, a mile away.

You all could just probably walk there
and buy some soap and... And other things.

"Con-veni-ence store"?

Sounds terrifying!

Don't worry. We can ease you all
into modern society nice and slow-like!

-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-(VILLAGERS BABBLING)

(EXCLAIMS) I'm just a worm eatin' a bird.

It ain't natural, but nothing fun is.

Didn't realize Dad was
such an intense dancer. Go, Dad!

(SCREAMING)

Somebody get me out of here!
Please help me!

NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

(BELL RINGING)

You can't give me detention today!

For one, I'm totally innocent.

And two, it's Hat Day
at the Reptile Pavilion.

I've been waiting all year for this!

Aha! Your special interest
in reptiles is all but a confession

that it was indeed you
who put a snapping turtle in Mr. Um's car.

(WHISTLING)

-(GASPS)
-Shh.

I'm on to you, Danny Douglas!

Oh, man.

(SIGHS) Super weak...

(GRUNTS) Pretty sure I could take this guy
if you wanna make a break for it.

Thanks, Fyootch,
but Mr. Zarlid'll just give me

more detention if you kick his butt.

Maybe... If he ever gets back up.

(CHOKING) Mr. Zarlid,
I think I swallowed one of my magic doves.

Can I go to the bathroom?

-No, Preston, you absolutely cannot leave.
-(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Oh, there's my phone.
Hang on. I'll just get this.

Hello? Yes. No, I'm right
in the middle of a thing.

-Uh, I will call you back. Okay.
-(BEEPS)

But I can leave. And I will!

(COUGHING)

Let it out, Presto! (COUGHS)

So I can eat it myself!

What? I missed breakfast.

Breakfast is dumb.

No, it's not. I'm a hungry monster!

It's dumb, it's dumb, it's dumb.

-Psst! Now's our chance to bail.
-Huh?

And before you get all rules-y
on me, remember,

innocent dudes break bogus rules
all the time when they're not guilty.

Yeah? I guess that checks out.

All right.

(GRUNTS) Boom!

Cool! Our gateway out of here.

-Jailbreak!
-Yes, escape!

Poof! Be gone!

Wait, wait, wait! We can't all leave.

Zarlid'll know what's up
and I'll get busted all over again!

Oh, we can help. I can... (CHOKES)

(GRUNTING)

-(ROARS)
-Oh, no!

-Come here!
-No! Grab it, grab it!

Uh, I know a solid escape
team when I see it...

And kid, they're not it.

Maybe you're right, Fyootch.

Don't do that.

-Sorry, dudes.
-(KIDS SHOUTING)

(FUTURE-WORM YELLING)

Ow! Whoa, sweet!

It's a whole underground

-network of tunnels!
-Nice!

These will definitely lead us
to the reptile pavilion.

Yeah, totally. You know it.

What? Huh? (SNIFFS)

It's gas! They're onto us!
We're under att*ck!

(KIDS SCREAMING)

-DANNY: Ow!
-(PRESTON COUGHS)

-What the heck, dudes?
-Yeah, what the heck?

Sorry, magic smoke pellet got loose.

(SCOFFS) Since you're down here now,

you can follow us,
just don't slow us down.

Reptile Hat Day ends in, like, minutes!

Lead the way, heroic leader.

(GROANS) Detention kids.

-(PACO WHOOPING)
-(BOYS GROANING)

PRESTON: Watch the hat!

DANNY: (GRUNTS) Watch it, Paco!

(BULB BUZZING)

Punch! Punch!

(GROANS)

-(YELLS)
-(GROANS)

You're going down, Paco! (GRUNTS)

(BOYS GRUNTING)

Really?

Mmm, lunch. Come back!

(GROWLS)

(MUFFLED SCREAMS)

You're k*lling me, Paco!

-(GRUNTING, STRAINING)
-Come on, use your legs.

Oh! Sick, dude!

It got in my mouth!

-(BOYS LAUGHING)
-(RUMBLING)

(ALL WHIMPERING)

(SQUEAKING)

This rat, he...
He says he has a bad feeling

and we should probably
run from this place.

No! It could only mean one thing.

We must be right under
the Reptile Pavilion!

-Let's do it!
-Nice!

(STAMMERS) I don't know
if this is a good idea, D.

Huh?

But I do know a prize lizard-skin cape
when I see one.

Yeah, lizards are dumb!

Then go do your own thing.

I've been waiting a year for this!

Stupid lizards.

Whoa, detention kids.

All right, Lizard Hat Day, here we come.

Oh, man! We're still underground!

(g*ns f*ring)

(GRUNTING)

Yeah, should've seen this coming.

We stumbled right into the middle of

the , -year Spiderian
vs. Lizardian w*r.

Bunch of nonsense.

Like underground w*r zone?

We got places to be, man!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

-Weak!
-Come on, really?

Ha! You were sent by the lizards
to steal the gem!

"Gem"? What?

Look, dude, we're just trying to see
some real lizards in some goofy hats.

Aha! So you are in league
with the lizards.

Spiders, destroy them!

(PACO ROARS)

(BOTH GASP)

Oh, my head-leg! (CRASHES)

-Paco?
-Uh-oh.

Uh-oh!

Whoa!

-(BOTH GRUNT)
-Magic! Oops.

(GRUNTS) Up top!

-You saved us!
-Detention kids!

We couldn't continue
without our heroic leader.

No, I owe you guys
an apology for getting all salty

about bringing you along.
I'm no leader, man.

That's just what the chosen one would say.

A prophecy foretold of
a group of brave young travelers

and their charismatic leader

who would end the great spider-lizard wars
by uniting all the sacred gems.

I've seen these prophecy scams before,
and trust me, Danny,

it's not a road you wanna go down.

There's precious little time.

Take the gem to the surface world.

You'll find others like me
who'll give you further instructions.

No way, man!

(WHIMPERS) Fly! Fly, you fools!

(BUZZING)

Also, run! Run away! (YELLS)

(SPIDERS ROARING)

-(SQUEAKS)
-(SPEAKS IN SPANISH)

-(SQUEAKS)
-Rat says it's this way out!

-(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
-We made it!

-Stupid lizards!
-Lizards done. What's next?

Ah, escape achieved.

Sorry you missed your dumb Hat Day.

It's cool, we still had fun.

You guys are an awesome escape team.

That's just what I needed to hear.

What? How did we...

MR. ZARLID: Recover the gem
without a single casualty?

I'll tell you how, Danny.

It's because you're the chosen one.

The heroic boy who will lead...

-The Gem Force !
-What?

Together, you'll unite the Gems
of Mystery and Space to finally...

Hold up! "Gem Force "?

So this was a trick? And you're not...

A teacher? (LAUGHING) Of course not!

I'm not even human!

-(ALL SCREAM)
-Join the club!

Dude, you seriously think
we'd join your bonkers quest

after you locked us up and lied to us?

Uh, yeah?

Get real. Come on, guys,
let's go to my house

and watch some Steak Starbolt.

-I call sofa!
-PACO: Whoo-hoo! Steak!

-Steak ain't dumb!
-Wait! Wait, wait, wait.

Have you seen the uniforms?
And code-names! I have code names!

No matter. The prophecy warned

that they would first refuse
the call to adventure.

And so, the saga of Gem Force has begun.

-(LAUGHS)
-(RINGTONE CHIMING)

Oh, there's my phone again.

NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

NARRATOR: Previously on Future-Danny...

(SPEAKING MONSTER LANGUAGE)

-As a matter of fact, I do.
-(BEEPS)

Robo-Carp .

Eject laser whip!

(CLEARS THROAT) Uh, laser whip?

Um, we talked about this.

Ugh. Fine, fine. Big baby.

Laser whip, please.

There. Was that so hard?

(LAUGHS) Now we're cooking with gas!

(GRUNTING)

Uh-oh! Gonna blow!

No. Future-weak.

(GROANING)

(LAUGHING)

Oh, man. Now what?

(GHOST PIRATES GRUNTING)

Future-Danny.

The bounty on your head is worth more
than any Gem of Mystery and Space,

but I'd pay double that
to see you swallowed by the deep.

(SPITS)

Any last words?

-As a matter of fact, I do.
-(BEEPS)

Robo-Carp .

Eject laser whip!

(ROBO-CARP GROANS)

-What?
-It's just, we never talk anymore.

We're talking right now.
Eject the blasted laser whip!

(SCREAMS)

Little less heat this time.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS) My eye-patch!

(GROANS) You're doing this on purpose.

(GRUNTS)

Are you kidding me?

Let the purple ocean starve!

I'm doing this meself! (GRUNTS)

Wait, I think I got it.

Future-weak!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Avast!

(GRUNTS)

-Not today, Shark Tooth Ruth!
-(SHARK TOOTH RUTH GRUNTS)

When Robo-Carp fails,

summon a giant kraken!

(HORN BLARING)

(GASPS)

(ROARS)

-Abandon ship!
-(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS) Give me that.

That's mine, you lousy space lubber!

-Squid call!
-(HORN BLARES)

(WHOOPING)

-(ROARS)
-Oh, man. Now what?

NARRATOR: Next time on Future-Danny...

Any last words?

-As a matter of fact, I do.
-(BEEPS)

Robo-Carp .

(GROANS) So how was your day?

Oh, man. Where do I begin?

First of all, there was this crazy line

-that I had to wait in this morning...
-(GROANS)

NARRATOR: Future-Danny!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)