07x23 - The Emperor Norton

[bunniefuu]

Hello, Ben.

George.

George Harris.

Ben.

Ah.

Oh, it sure is good to see you.

- How are you? How are you?
- It's been a long time.

It sure has been a long time.

Say, don't you fellas
from San Francisco

ever travel during the daytime?

Come on. Sit down.

Now, wait, wait... before I
make myself too comfortable,

there's something I
want to talk to you about.

Oh, sure, sure.

Do you remember Joshua Norton?

The emperor of the
United States of America

and the protector of Mexico

is not a man who
is easily forgotten.

How is he?

Well, he's still
writing proclamations.

Yes?

I'm still publishing them

on the front page
of my newspaper.

Come on. Sit down.

Joshua Norton.

I'll tell you, of all the people

that San Francisco's
produced, I guess he's probably

the most interesting,
the most amazing

and certainly the
most controversial.

They finally put out
commitment orders

on the old man, Ben.

Ah, that's too bad.

That sweet, kind, generous man.

Why, he wouldn't hurt a flea.

Always fighting
for the underdog.

Who could possibly
want him out of the way?

Well, he's made some
very powerful enemies.

For one thing, he's still
appealing the rice affair.

Now, I think he has a case,

and I've been writing
editorials about it.

And they've angered some
of the biggest interests.

Oh.

That's why I'm here, Ben.

The emperor needs
a place of refuge.

Do you want him to
stay here with me?

Ben, he doesn't know
about the commitment order.

He thinks that some of these
powerful interests are trying

to impeach him for
demanding equal pay

for the Chinese laborers
in San Francisco.

Well, I-I won't say
anything, of course.

When will he get here?

Your Majesty.

Ah, good evening,
Mr. Cartwright.

My cape.

And hat.

Quite comfortable.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Welcome to the Ponderosa.

- I got some mail...
- Shh!

Shh.

Check and mate.

Well, that's...

two games for
you and one for me.

Here's the mail, Pa.

Thank you.

There's one here
for you, Your Majesty.

Ah, from George Harris,

one of my most loyal
and faithful subjects.

Hey... hey, Pa.

Did he really b*at
you two games?

Yes, he b*at me two games.

What about it?

Uh, nothing, Pa.

I lost the rice appeal.

The fools!

Don't they know this
was their last chance?

Now I'm forced to seize

the judiciary and reverse
the decision myself.

I had hoped I wouldn't
have to do that.

He's taking it pretty hard.

He's human.

I suppose any
man... will break...

if enough pressure's
brought to bear.

15 years ago, that man
was one of the wealthiest

and most influential merchants
in the city of San Francisco.

Then he lost everything.

Some venture involving

the shipment of
rice from the Orient.

He was wiped out financially.

And in other ways, too.

So now... now he's the emperor

and no one can
ever cheat him again.

I reckon a thing like
that happened to a man,

it'd hurt pretty
fiercely, wouldn't it?

Oh, yes. There's a...

part of him that's hurt...

the part that pretends
he's an emperor.

But the part that
plays brilliant chess

and writes searching essays

on political science and
makes courageous speeches

in the gallery at
the state legislature,

I sure wish I was as
healthy as that part.

Does he really do all that?

You bet he does.

That's the alarm
whistle from the mine.

Must be an accident.

- Get the water canteen.
- Right.

Here you go.

I think his left leg is broken.

Your Majesty!

Your Majesty?

- What's the matter?
- Oh!

Are you lost?

No, sir. But you are.

Who owns this mine?

Come on, Emperor.
We got to get out of here.

I demand to know.

Well, Harry Crawford. Why?

I want him arrested at once.

Arrested? For what?

He didn't use the canaries.

Oh.

Ah.

Ben, who's in charge
of this operation?

Mm...?

Mr. Milner here.

He's the engineer.

You?

Where were the canaries?

The what, sir?

The canaries!

They would've
warned the men in time.

I'm arresting your employer
for criminal negligence.

Canaries?

Ben, you sure he's harmless?

Well, of course he's harmless.

Young man, you better
read up on canaries.

Your Majesty...?

Uh...

What-what was all that
stuff about the canaries?

You have one? I'll show you.

- Uh...
- Probably get one in town.

Then get it! Pronto.

That's a command.

Canaries?

That's what I asked him.

Ben.

This is ridiculous. What
are we trying to prove?

Shh.

His head is beginning to droop.

The gas starts here.

I've already checked in
here. I didn't find any gas leak.

You better check some more.

By golly, he's right.

I do smell it.

Very faint.

But not so faint down there
where the men were working in.

It would accumulate down lower.

How did you know it was here?

The canary knew.

Come, little friend,
out in the open,

and I'll reward you
with a fresh worm.

Canaries don't eat worms.

Would you like to make
a bet that one does?

No, I don't think I would.

Thank you, Hop Sing.

May I remove honorable plate?

Oh, no, no.

Hop Sing, I meant
to do this before.

Gentlemen, rise.

Rise.

Kneel, please.

Hop Sing,

your conduct in caring
for your injured countrymen

after the mine
expl*si*n was exemplary.

Therefore, in the name
of the United States

and Mexico, I hereby appoint
you ambassador to China

and representative of
the court of Norton the First

in all matters pertaining
to Oriental affairs.

You may rise, Mr. Ambassador.

Oh!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Wait till I tell elders in town.

Oh! Oh!

Hop Sing ambassador! Ho!

Man, there ain't gonna
be no living with him now.

Gentlemen, be seated.

Well, you did a very
lovely thing for him there.

Well, of course.

I bestowed a great honor on him.

As I have on you, Mr. Milner.

By allowing you to install
the first measures of safety

in your mine before
I arrest Mr. Crawford.

I meant to thank you for
giving him another chance,

Your Majesty.

I'll give him until tomorrow

at 4:00 precisely to
comply with my order.

And now...

there's something
I wish to show you.

Gentlemen, come this way.

Gentlemen, behold
my latest project.

The newest wonder of the world.

Well?

What... What is it?

What is it?

It's a bridge!

A bridge, a bridge!

Well...

no disrespect, sir,
but if it's a bridge,

what holds it up?

Those cables.

What else?

I thought you were an engineer.

Well, uh... struggling
for comprehension

as I am, sir, uh, I...

Well, if you could
explain it a little more fully.

The load divides

between these
clusters of cables,

so that none of them
is sorely stressed.

It's an ancient principle,

known by the Incas of Peru

and the tribes of
equatorial Africa.

Uh, how long is this
bridge supposed to be?

Not very long.

Just across the Golden
Gate of San Francisco.

But that's more than a mile,

across some of the
swiftest currents in the world.

I'm aware of it.

I was right about the
canaries, wasn't I?

Don't you believe in me yet?

Well, of course we
do, Your Majesty.

It's just that... you
know, a new idea

always has certain resistance.

- Like, uh, Leonardo da Vinci.
- Bah!

Comparisons are odious.

I'm a builder of bridges.

I-I beg your pardon,
Your Majesty.

It's not your fault.

A genius is lonely.

There's an old adage which says,

it's better to be
lonely by oneself

than to be lonely with friends.

You're not lonely
here, Your Majesty.

No, sir, not at all. And I...

I think that's a
fine bridge, too.

You're not just saying that
because I'm your emperor,

and you think you have to?

No, not at all; I mean it.

Oh, uh, me too, Your Majesty.

Of course.

One day, I will build
this great bridge

across the Golden Gate.

♪♪

Mr. Crawford, I
arrest you for m*rder.

You what?!

I said you are under
arrest for m*rder.

Oh, no.

You're that old kook staying
out on the Cartwright place.

That canary business again.

Well, you get out of here
before I put you away.

Let go of me. I just...

How dare you! I
will not be subjected

to this ridicule and
idiocy another minute!

Let go at once.

Take your hands off me!

- You miserable old...
- Well, he's yours now.

Sheriff, get this
madman off of me.

I won't stand it another minute!

Lock him up for as*ault!

- Lock him up, Sheriff.
- On what charge?

A man d*ed because he was
too cheap to buy a canary.

- A canary?
- I command his arrest.

- Well, this...
- And you... You command his arrest?

Just a moment. My cape.

I want to send a telegram

to the sheriff's office
in San Francisco.

Good evening, Your Majesty.

Good evening.

Thank you, Mr. Ambassador.

Good evening, Your Majesty.

Good evening.

Gentlemen, good night.

This has been an eventful day.

It certainly has, at that.

- Good night, Your Majesty.
- Good night.

Roy, thank you so much
for bringing him home.

Don't mention it, Ben.

- Have you got a minute?
- Sure.

Harry Crawford is
just about fit to be tied.

Hmm?

He started circulating
a petition in town

to get Mr. Norton committed.

Well, that's unfair.
You know that.

Maybe I do know it, Ben.

But there ain't gonna be
nothing that I can do about it

if he gets enough signatures
to order a sanity hearing.

He's already wired San Francisco

to get the information.

Oh, no.

Now Crawford will find out
about the commitment order there.

That's right.

I figured you ought to know.

I kind of like the
old gent myself.

Thanks for telling me, Roy.

- Night.
- Good night, Ben.

Who is it, please?

Your emperor.

Oh, yes, Your Majesty.

It is an honor you visit me.

Please, come in.

I have no time
for idle socializing.

Hop Sing,

I've been examining
the situation here,

and I've come to the
conclusion that it is desperate.

Here... on Ponderosa?

This whole area, Hop Sing.

It needs the kind of guidance,

direction, leadership

that only I can provide.

Hop Sing,

when I first
mentioned the bridge

I have envisioned, you said

you would build it
to China, if I asked.

Oh, but you not ask.

Unfortunately, other
matters demand my attention,

such as Mr. Crawford,
the owner of the mine.

Now, I ask.

Mr. Ambassador, I need
someone to supervise

construction of a prototype.

But I work for
Mr. Cartwright, Your Majesty.

You worked for Mr. Cartwright!

You are now in the
service of your emperor.

Hey, Pa?

Pa?

- Morning, Ben, Hoss.
- Morning.

Good morning, Your Majesty.

Well?

How do you like it?

You mean, uh,

this is what you've been
doing the last three days?

I've been working
on this all my life.

Beautiful... beautiful!

True.

What color do you
think it should be?

I've been debating
between yellow and red.

Red would be more striking.

But I'm afraid it would
get lost against the sunset.

Yeah, it'd look pretty small
against a sunset, all right.

Yeah, Hoss, uh,

His Majesty is not
referring to this little bridge,

he's referring to
the real thing...

The one that's going across

the Golden Gate
at San Francisco.

Oh. Oh, oh!

That bridge.

Um, Your Majesty?

Do you happen to know
where Hop Sing might be?

I do.

But I can't tell you.

It's a state secret, Ben.

Oh.

Yeah, but Hop Sing, he
ain't, he ain't been cooking...

Hey, Hoss, Hoss,
uh, it's a state secret.

Maybe Hop Sing's
whereabouts is a state secret,

but it's making headline
news down here in my stomach.

Well...

Whoa.

Mr. Cartwright...

what has Norton been doing
with my Chinese workers?

Well, well, Mr. Crawford,

what has Emperor Norton
been doing with your workers?

I am serious, Mr. Cartwright.

He and Hop Sing came
'round three days ago,

and ever since,
my Chinese workers

have been leaving the
mines during the lunch hour.

Well, it seems to me
that what your workers do

during their lunch
hour is their business.

It's my business
when they don't eat

and just drag through
the rest of the afternoon.

I'm not getting a full
day's work out of them.

So that's why you've been
pushing that petition so hard.

That's one reason, of course.

Now, see here, Mr. Cartwright.

There's no malice in me.

You get that old nuisance
to leave my workers alone,

and I'll withdraw that petition.

Well, I'd say you'd
better ask Norton, not me.

I thought you were
interested in his welfare.

I see I was mistaken.

Well... I'm glad you
brought it in, Ben.

Because if I had never seen it,

I never would've believed it.

The bridge can be built!

I don't know.

Well, it-it's just right
there, right in front of you.

There's a model in front of me.

I mean, I-I can make a model

of a building 50 stories high.

But that doesn't mean that

that building can
actually be constructed.

I mean, for all I
know, that, uh,

bridge couldn't even
carry its own weight.

Well, i-is that what
you're telling me?

Ben, this man is a,

is a mixture of
genius and delusion.

Now, he-he set forth a theory

that is totally new to any
engineering I've ever studied.

I simply don't know whether
that bridge could stand or not.

Well, you-you must
have some idea!

Ben, don't ask me for an answer.

I don't even fully
understand the question.

There's one thing I
do understand, though.

Norton's, um, oddities are

pushing a lot of people
into signing that petition.

It's Crawford that's
doing the pushing.

But it's the emperor that's
giving him a lot of amm*nit*on.

Just because he wants to
build a different kind of bridge.

♪ Norton's bridge is ♪

♪ Falling down, falling down ♪

♪ Falling down,
Norton's bridge ♪

♪ Is falling down,
poor old crackpot ♪

♪ Norton's bridge is
falling down, falling down ♪

♪ Falling down,
Norton's bridge ♪

♪ Is falling down,
poor old crackpot. ♪

Now, why you
singing that song, boy?

I was just playing a joke.

Everybody's laughing
at that old coot.

Let me go, will ya?

Let go of me!

You know, I'm worried about you.

You ought to take
better care of yourself.

I'm gonna show you something.

Now, look, the back
of your pants here.

Look back here.

See all that dust back here?

Should I clean it off for you?

Mr. Cartwright, I saw what
you did to that poor child,

and I think it's dreadful.

Well, ma'am, I don't
think it's any more dreadful

than poking fun at
your elders in the street.

That emperor, Norton?

Don't you agree with
Mr. Crawford's petition?

I most assuredly do not, ma'am.

Well!

Let me remind you,
sir, that the Bible says,

"Suffer the little children
who come unto me."

Well, ma'am, let me tell
you that the next little child

that comes onto me singing that
song most assuredly will suffer.

Good-bye.

You may enter.

Supper's just about
ready, Your Majesty.

I'm really not hungry, Ben.

But you go on.

You feeling all right?

I'm fine.

Well, maybe you'll feel
like eating a little later.

Ben...

they still mock me in
Virginia City, don't they?

Well, some of them, yes.

Most of them.

Be honest.

It's one thing to
be tolerated, Ben.

To be loved even.

But it's quite another
thing to be taken seriously.

I'm an emperor.

I've got to leave a legacy.

Even if it's only

a little wooden bridge
across a muddy creek.

Hey, Pa?

Sheriff Coffee's here, and
he's got Mr. Crawford with him.

Ben, I...

I'm sorry it had
to come to this.

I think I'm a reasonable
man, Mr. Cartwright.

I will try once more.

There's no need
to rise, Sheriff.

This is an informal audience.

Now, see here,
Norton... Excuse me, sir.

I think you'll get
along much better

if you address His
Majesty by his proper title.

Now, see here, Your Majesty...

you are in no
position to bargain.

Then why are you
trying to bargain with me?

I am not trying to
bargain with you!

I just don't want
to see you suffer

needlessly in confinement.

My good man, you're
not making any sense.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You know perfectly well
what I'm talking about!

I am talking about that
petition for your sanity hearing,

Your Majesty!

Sheriff...

are you involved in the
disgraceful coup d'etat?

Come on now, Norton.

Let's not make it any
harder than it has to be.

The law is on my
side, and you know it!

I'm afraid he is
right, Your Majesty.

Gentlemen, do you
intend to stand aside

while your emperor is being
subjected to this humiliation?

Roy, just because a man
thinks he's something he ain't

don't necessarily
make him strange.

I mean, we've all
done it, ain't we?

You're wrong, Hoss.

I am what I believe
myself to be.

We all are.

Oh, this farce has
gone on long enough.

Sheriff, do your duty.

Well, uh...

you'll be cleared
of all charges.

I'm-I'm certain, Your Majesty.

I wonder, Ben.

A man's mind is a
complicated mechanism.

Who is qualified

to determine the absolute
rightness of its balance?

Oh, Your Majesty,

we all know you are supreme.

No, Mr. Crawford, I'm not.

Only God is supreme.

But there's no need to
quarrel over me, gentlemen.

I'd always intended to inspect

your town's prison
facilities, anyway.

And my hat.

Mr. Crawford,

I've often thought of
granting my subjects

the right of self-rule.

But then, I meet
someone like you...

well, I realize the nation
still needs my guiding hand.

Mr. Sheriff...

your emperor does not
like to be kept waiting.

Come along, Sheriff.

I don't like to be
kept waiting, either.

I'll be down
tomorrow to post bail.

All right, Ben.

Ben, I will.

I'll try to make him as
comfortable as possible.

Always putting
wrong man in jail!

We'll return to tonight's
story of Bonanza

in a moment.

And now the exciting
conclusion of tonight's story.

Ben, you can pick up a receipt

for your bail money
on the way out, huh?

Morning, Your Majesty.

Good morning, Ben.

Uh, I'm also an
expert locksmith.

Sheriff, it's fine...
Strong and well-built.

I'm also pleased to note

you provided for ample
sunshine and fresh air.

Remind me to double your salary.

Thank you very
much, Your Highness.

Ben... Uh, Sheriff,

Ben and I have some
things to talk over.

- Wait outside.
- Yes, sir.

You solemnly swear
to obey the duties

of your new office
as Minister of Justice?

As-as Minister of Justice?

It's not necessary
to repeat after me.

- Oh.
- Answer yes or no.

Well, uh, Your Majesty,
what... what will...

what will my new duties be?

Defending your emperor
at the impeachment.

At the impeachment?

But, Your Majesty, you-you
need a proper lawyer.

Are you questioning the
wisdom of your emperor?

Well...

Remember, you once took an
oath to obey and serve your emperor.

- Well, yes, yes.
- Are you going back on your word?

Well, no... no-no not exactly.

When a man says "not exactly,"

he means "exactly."

Ben, for your own good,

I have to place
you under arrest.

Uh, uh... Your Majesty?

I solemnly swear to-to carry out

all the duties as
Minister of Justice.

I think you do.

Congratulations, Ben.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Get my cape and hat.

Yes, Your Majesty.

Ben?

Excuse me.

Little Joe, Your Majesty?

Emperor, do you
know what happened

to the Chinese at the mine?

I know they're industrious,
hardworking people

who have always been loyal

to every command
that I have given.

I mean, sir, do you know
why about half of them

didn't show up for work today?

"Half of them"?

Do you know anything about this?

It's a state secret, Ben.

Your Majesty, there's no
such thing as a state secret

- between a minister of justice...
- A what?!

A minister of justice
and his emperor.

Yeah, you've got to tell
me what this is all about.

And I shall.

At the proper time.

- Drive on, Joseph.
- Uh, uh, Your Majesty...

one more thing.

I-I'd like to send a
wire to Mr. Clemens

and, uh, some of
the other friends.

Have them testify?

Excellent thought, Ben.

I knew you'd show
initiative in your new post.

Drive on, Joseph.

Come on.

Who is this Clemens, Ben?

Oh, Samuel Clemens.

Mark Twain?

Yeah, Mark Twain.

You might know some
of the others, too...

Bret Harte and Robert
Louis Stevenson.

You mean... they're
friends of Norton's?

Yeah, friends and admirers.

This hearing is convened.

Now, we're to consider

the petition for the commitment

of Joshua Norton for insanity.

It is noted that Mr. Crawford,

who circulated the petition,

has the prescribed
number of signatures

of interested citizens.

Will the defense
identify itself, please?

Your Honor,

His Majesty has consented
to allow me to defend him.

All right, Ben.

I'll conduct the
inquiry, since this is

a sanity hearing, not a trial.

Nevertheless, Your Honor,
His Majesty stands accused.

And the Constitution
guarantees him the right

to face his accusers.

I would like history

to remember just
who his accusers are.

Crawford and the people
who signed the petition.

History will be interested
in their names, I'm sure.

The defense has no witnesses

to call at this
time, Your Honor.

Mr. Crawford, what
do you have to say?

Don't worry, Ben.

They'll be here.

I sure hope so.

Their testimony's vital.

"Vital"?

No, Ben, not vital.

They're important, I grant you,

but only the model
of my bridge is vital.

All right, Mr. Crawford,
let's have it.

Well, Your Honor,

the long and
short of it is this.

This man Norton

came to town dressed
in those ridiculous clothes

and told everybody that he was

the emperor of
the United States.

And the... something
or other of Mexico.

Protector.

I'm the protector of Mexico.

Well, the protector of Mexico

started making
trouble in Virginia City.

He should be put away
and that's all there is to it.

Ever since this
emperor came to town,

is there a man here
who has been able

to get one of his
Chinese workers

to so much as carry a
message during the noon hour?

No, sir.

He is responsible for that.

Furthermore, he has
stirred up all the Indians

to demand higher wages!

Oh, yes, and here's
one more little thing...

And here's one more thing:

He has publically advocated

that women be
given the right to vote!

Now, gentlemen, you know

and I know what chaos
that could produce.

There is not one
person in this town...

Man, woman or child...

Who has not been adversely
affected by his presence!

He is a menace to the community,

and we demand
that he be removed!

Do you have anything
more, Mr. Crawford?

No, sir.

Your Honor...

All right, Ben.

Mr. Crawford... you
say that Emperor Norton

behaved in an outlandish manner.

Yes, sir, he did.

Well, uh, what
exactly did he do?

I mean, did he
do things, like, uh,

well, something
like this... like, uh,

come to you and say
that he owned your land,

and he was going to give
it away to somebody else?

That is exactly the
sort of thing he did.

In other words... he behaved...

exactly like Christopher
Columbus did.

Well, isn't that true?

Just think of it:
Christopher Columbus,

dressed in a
ridiculous manner...

If you happened
to be an Indian...

And Christopher Columbus decided

he was going to give away
the land he had just discovered

to some king or other in Europe.

And that must've
seemed pretty strange

if you happened to be an
Indian and thought all along

that the land that you
were living on was yours

and had been for a long time.

In fact, I think we're
all pretty fortunate

Mr. Crawford wasn't around to
lock Christopher Columbus up!

Ben, your point
doesn't apply here.

You know it doesn't.

Your Honor, I know
that the only reason

he's circulating this petition

is so that he won't
have to invest any money

in safety devices for his mine.

I am protecting my miners!

But not with canary birds!

All right, Mr. Milner,

let's hear about the bridge.

Well, frankly, Your Honor,

uh, there's not a
whole lot I can tell you.

Uh, I mean, this is,
this is the model here.

Uh, doesn't prove anything

except that a
model can be built.

In order to prove this
theory of Emperor Norton's...

Mister Norton!

Emperor Norton.

You'd have to have an
actual bridge, a real bridge,

so that you could subject
it to experimental stresses.

Chris...

did Emperor Norton ever
mention the vine bridges

across the Amazon river to you?

Well, yes, he did mention them,
but I only have his word for it.

Ah.

And, uh, he's disturbed.

Now, suppose I were to tell you

that I'd read about
those vine bridges, too?

Am I disturbed?

I don't think so, Ben.

Well, uh...

Whose word do you have for that?

Only yours.

No more questions.

You may step down, Mr. Milner.

Your Honor, uh...

Sir, may I request
a short recess?

What for, Ben?

If I may beg of
your indulgence, sir,

uh, I think the need for
the recess will be apparent.

All right.

Five minutes.

Mark! Well, well, well.

- How good to see you.
- Your Majesty.

I'd like you to meet
my minister of justice.

- Ben.
- Well, Sam, it's nice to see you again.

We've known each other
for some time, Your Majesty.

Uh, Ben, I, uh, brought
these letters from the others.

- Oh, yes.
- Stevenson, Bret Harte,

Frémont, General Vallejo.

- Oh.
- I, uh, hope they'll be of some value.

I know they will be.

It's a very impressive list.

- Uh...
- Very impressive man.

Yes, he is. Your Majesty,
I think we better get back.

Let's get together for dinner,

say as soon as this
foolishness is over.

Missed you.

Well... How's it
really going in there?

Well, now that you're here, Sam,

I think everything
will be all right.

We'll call you just as
soon as we get back in.

Fine, fine.

All right, ready to go now, Ben?

Yes, we are, Your Honor.

Thank you for your indulgence.

Your Honor...

with your permission,
we would like to call

a character witness

who's come a long
way to help an old friend.

Who is he, Ben?

May I introduce
Mr. Samuel Clemens.

Mr. Clemens,

pleasure to have
you in our courtroom.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Won't you, uh, take the stand?

Just one minute, Your Honor!

He can't testify here!

If he was a doctor, I'd say
fine, go ahead, let's hear him.

But he's not,
he's just a friend!

I beg your pardon!

He's more than just
a friend, Mr. Crawford!

This man is a celebrated
American author!

- He's one of the greatest...
- I don't care!

- He has letters important to...
- Quiet, quiet!

I don't care if he's got
a letter from the king...

- I'll testify.
- Joshua!

I solemnly swear
to tell the truth

the whole truth and
nothing but the truth,

so help me God.

State your name, please.

And my titles?

Yes, and your titles.

I'm Emperor Joshua Norton,

Emperor of the United
States of America,

Protector of Mexico, the
Sole Unchallenged Sovereign

of the Western Hemisphere.

Order!

Ben...

this is a prima facie case.

I don't want to humiliate
the man anymore.

Joshua Norton...

I've heard all the evidence

relating to your state of mind

and your ability
to fend for yourself.

I find that

your best interests
will be served

- if you were to be committed...
- This bridge model

shows how wrong they are.

Mr. Milner is absolutely wrong!

And so is Mr. Crawford!

- Mr. Milner notwithstanding...
- Your Majesty?

Excuse me, sir.

This hearing will
recess for one hour.

We will reconvene at Bowes
Creek on the Ponderosa.

Adjourned.

Your Majesty, why
didn't you tell me

what was going on at
Bowes Creek before?

State secret between
my ambassador and me.

Whoa, whoa!

It's beautiful. It's beautiful!

It's only beautiful
if it works, Ben.

All right, this hearing's
back in session.

Well... what further
proof do you need, Judge?

There it is!

Mr. Milner...

what do you think of that?

It depends on how much
weight it'll carry, Judge.

Well, Hop-Hop Sing and
his workers w-went over it!

Well, Hop Sing don't
weigh 150 pounds

sopping wet after a full dinner.

That's no test!

How about me?

Would I be test enough for you?

My dear sir,

if you want to soak
in, that's up to you.

Ben, if I've been wrong in this,

I will have been
wrong in everything.

It will work, won't it?

It's got to work.

It worked! It worked!

Congratulations, Your Majesty.

♪♪

All right.

So, he built a bridge.

So what if he did?

It doesn't go anyplace.

Oh, you're wrong, Crawford.

That's the longest
bridge in the world.

It goes from here

all the way into the future.

You've been hearing a
lot of discussion recently

about highway safety.

We've always been
a nation on wheels,

more so than ever
before in our history.

And, you know, when you consider

the millions of cars and
trucks in use every day,

the billions of miles
they roll up every year

on the most extensive
highway network in the world,

our safety record...
While not perfect... is good.

You bet it is.

How come?

Because we have better roads,

better law enforcement,
more driver education.

And because today's cars,

like the new
Chevrolets, are safer.

And not just because
of all those new,

standard Chevrolet
safety features,

but also because of better,
more dependable engines,

self-adjusting brakes

and windshields
that are a lot stronger.

Yes, sir.

Today's Chevrolets
are better than ever.

So see your
Chevrolet dealer soon.

Go see the USA in a Chevrolet.

And drive safely.