(squeaking)
(pops)
(rumbling)
(snoring)
(squeaks)
- (tranquil music)
- (alarm clock blaring)
(upbeat hip-hop music)
(moans)
♪ ♪
(ethereal music)
♪ ♪
Hi, stranger.
It's been awhile.
♪ ♪
I've missed you.
It's okay.
You can look at my butt.
(laughs)
I feel like I can really be
vulnerable around you.
♪ ♪
Do you like this tree I made?
Cool, right?
I thought it was cool.
(inhales and exhales deeply)
It's so hard to make things
sometimes, you know?
It just takes so much
mental energy,
and I get so tired.
I just wanna sit here
and relax with you.
♪ ♪
Wow, check out the sunset.
♪ ♪
It's so nice to stop
and take all this in.
It really makes you enjoy
being alive.
♪ ♪
Even you.
I love looking at you.
I want to remember
all your shapes.
♪ ♪
(pencil scratching)
♪ ♪
Ah.
Beautiful.
♪ ♪
I've been thinking about you
a lot lately.
I see you trying to do
so many things at once,
worrying about a decision
you made
or worried that you said
the wrong thing to someone.
You're so hard on yourself.
But you're wonderful
and worthy of being loved.
You really are.
You just have to let yourself
believe it.
Well, I know
you're really busy,
and you probably have to go,
but I'm glad I got to see you
for a minute.
I love you.
♪ ♪
(upbeat electronic music)
♪ ♪
(relaxed hip-hop music)
♪ ♪
Hello!
Do you have a minute
for climate change?
I'm so sorry.
Are you interested in helping
us protect the blue whales?
Yes, I am, but I'm so sorry.
I'm--I'm so late.
I'm sorry.
Hi.
Good morning.
What if I told you
we really can fix
our healthcare system?
Oh, you know, that'd be great.
I'm so sorry, but I gotta go.
- Ugh.
- Hi, I'm Stacy.
Are you interested
in the future?
Yes, I am.
I'm sorry,
but I'm late for work.
- I gotta go.
- Oh, but we're just conducting
- a focus group--
- Fine!
Fine!
I'll do--I'll do the damn
focus group.
I'll do the damn future.
What is it?
It's just about cookies
that...cookies.
Cookies?
(shaky voice)
Um, if I had to use one word,
I would say cinnamon.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Um, if I had to use two words,
uh...toasted cinnamon.
Okay.
Okay, great.
All right, now let's see.
Um, Craig, if you--
Did you already eat
all your cookies?
Oh, sorry, boss.
I got ahead of myself.
I remember 'em pretty good,
though.
So ask away.
Uh, well, the second cookie
that--that you ate,
could--could you describe
that for me in one word?
Oh, yeah, definitely.
One word?
Um...one word...awesome.
Uh, and if you had two words?
f*cking awesome.
Great.
(door clanging)
(indistinct chatter)
Hey, uh, it's Jerome, right?
What?
Uh, yes, hi.
Let me ask you a question.
You seemed pretty miserable
in there.
You're obviously
not a cookie fan,
and the way you're dressed,
I can tell you don't need
the bucks.
I mean, not that it's
any of my business,
but what's going on with you?
Okay, what's going on
with me is that
I'm an hour late for work,
and I have no excuse.
And if my boss finds out that--
I get it.
You weren't planning on
being here today.
Yeah, yeah.
Um...
I see this kind of thing from
time to time in the groups.
You're not alone.
Believe me, you're not alone.
I don't think
that's the issue--
Ever been to a strip club?
Um...okay, yeah, once,
but I thought it was a spa,
and the bouncer didn't
tell me--
I go all the time.
There's this one place
in Queensboro Plaza.
Every time I go there,
these girls
are coming up, right?
Asking if I want a lap dance.
"No, I don't want anything
to do with you.
"Thank you very much.
I'm here and I'm q*eer.
Get used to it."
I'm sorry,
wait, why do you--why--
why do you go
to the strip club?
I told you, wings,
the f*cking wings.
Did you?
I don't think you did.
This place has the best
happy hour wings
you ever tasted.
I mean, f*cking awesome.
Anyway, I'm shooing
these girls off one by one,
but it's getting
more and more difficult.
I'm feeling bad.
You know what I'm saying?
Something inside me is
falling apart.
(forced laugh)
Finally, a dancer comes over,
and I may be on my third
or fourth bucket of wings
at this point, by the way.
And she asks for a dance,
and I don't have it in me
to reject another person.
Next thing I know,
I'm getting dry humped
by some skank in the backroom,
if you know what I'm saying.
I don't think I do know
what you're saying.
I'm saying, until you learn
how to say "no,"
your life is just a series
of unwanted dry humps
in the proverbial backroom.
(drumbeat)
(exciting electronic music)
Whee!
♪ ♪
(DJ laughs)
(electronic music)
(deep voice)
Cake.
(upbeat electronic music)
(keyboard clacking)
(bright music)
♪ ♪
♪ This one is for the ladies
on the nine to five grind ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Corporate bullshit,
nod and smile real wide ♪
♪ Swallowing our deep pride,
dying on the inside ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Open office seating,
so defeating ♪
♪ Got nowhere to hide ♪
♪ Nowhere to hide,
nowhere to hide ♪
♪ Nowhere to hide ♪
♪ Nowhere to hide ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Aside from the bathroom
down the hall ♪
♪ With the three stalls ♪
♪ Gotta poop or cry ♪
♪ Keep it quiet,
it's got thin walls ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Suck it up and stand tall ♪
♪ Lock it like a bank vault ♪
♪ Never show emotion
in the open or in mid-fall ♪
♪ Then when a work lurks up ♪
♪ And a fat stack
starts working up ♪
♪ Like we gonna get
a heart att*ck ♪
♪ Freaking and we thinking ♪
♪ That we never gonna
finish that ♪
Breathe a minute.
Relax.
Say the magic words:
you need to take a b*at,
and then you'll circle back.
(drumbeat)
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at and circle back ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at ♪
♪ And circle back ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at and circle back ♪
♪ Take a b*at, take a b*at ♪
♪ Take a b*at,
take a b*at ♪
♪ Take a b*at
and circle back ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Run it up the flagpole,
jamming fast and furious ♪
♪ Disrupt, update,
pick it up and run with it ♪
♪ Loop me in, win, win ♪
♪ Please advise, ASAP,
move the needle ♪
♪ Drill down,
amplifying inbound ♪
♪ All the b*tches talking
in the jargon ♪
♪ Of that work trap ♪
Ha.
Hard fact: I'm all up
on the free snacks.
- (wrapper rips)
- (microwave door clicks)
(microwave beeps)
♪ Apple, Nature Valley bar,
M&M, and Tic Tacs ♪
♪ Huffing caffeine
like a fiend ♪
♪ Drugging on cr*ck,
chugging LaCroix ♪
♪ Like a frat with a -pack ♪
♪ Sugar withdrawal make me
crash and I delve back ♪
♪ To the sad fact
that I'm mad trapped ♪
♪ But I could never quit,
because I'm cash-strapped ♪
Where'd you get that?
Love the fabric,
it's super soft.
♪ Oh, my God, you like it,
it's half-off ♪
♪ At Ann Taylor LOFT ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
get our getup ♪
♪ At Ann Taylor LOFT ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at and circle back ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at ♪
♪ And circle back ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at and circle back ♪
♪ Take a b*at, take a b*at ♪
- ♪ Take a...♪
- Hey.
Can you sign this card
real quick?
Oh, yeah.
♪ It's a card for Wendy,
it's her birthday ♪
♪ She still came in early,
'cause it's Thursday ♪
♪ Later, we'll surprise her
with a sheet cake ♪
♪ Maybe that'll placate
the sinking, empty feeling ♪
♪ That she'll deal with
when she works late ♪
Yay.
♪ Time for a meeting,
none of us are reading ♪
♪ The same old PowerPoint ♪
♪ Everybody's waiting
for Dave up in this joint ♪
♪ Been like minutes
of small talk to this point ♪
Should we loop in Carol
in Miami?
She might wanna listen in.
♪ It's another minutes
till Carol gets dialed in ♪
♪ Dave arrives, we begin ♪
(female voice)
Carol, can you hear us?
We lost Carol.
Hey, I'm here,
but everything is static.
I'm not hearing anybody clear.
Maybe we should get IT.
No one hears her
except Ben sitting near her.
(deep female voice)
Maybe we should get IT.
Smart idea, Ben.
Always thinking.
That's the problem-solving
attitude
we all should be bringing.
Katie, can you ping IT?
- But I just said--sure.
- Great.
While we wait,
I just wanna say let's have
a group check-in
at the end of the day.
What the f*ck, Dave?
So we're sitting in
a pre-meeting
for another meeting?
Are you insane?
(laughs)
I don't say that.
♪ I smile and I nod ♪
♪ And I nibble on
the free snacks ♪
♪ Time is a flat circle ♪
♪ And my purpose is
to circle back ♪
♪ Circle back, circle back,
circle back ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at and circle back ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at ♪
♪ And circle back ♪
♪ All the working b*tches
take a b*at and circle back ♪
♪ Take a b*at, take a b*at ♪
♪ Take a b*at,
take a b*at ♪
♪ Take a b*at
and circle back ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Finally, I'm home,
safe from the bullshit ♪
♪ Brain feel like dough,
mushy from the work sh*t ♪
♪ Knocking out my show,
pinning on my Pinterest ♪
♪ Braless, candlelit,
bean dip, wine sip ♪
(phone buzzing)
♪ What the f*ck is all this ♪
♪ "Reply ASAP
and include list ♪
♪ "Looping in Luke
when I get this ♪
♪ "Take a little look
and approve this ♪
♪ Integrate, innovate,
cultivate, Ideate, bandwidth ♪
♪ f*ck this sh*t,
I can't escape it ♪
(inhales sharply)
Hold up.
Wait a minute.
♪ When I feel that rage,
take a page ♪
♪ From my working b*tches ♪
♪ Relax, breathe a minute ♪
♪ Stick 'em with
that life hack ♪
♪ Write those little
magic words ♪
I need to take a b*at
and then I'll circle back.
♪ ♪
- (hypnotic music)
- ♪ Dollar bills ♪
♪ Dollar bills ♪
Every single time
they step into my apartment,
I will never see them again.
I do not like a man
in my apartment.
I do not.
I absolutely despise it.
They're like, "Oh, but I wanna
see your room."
Yeah, I'm always going--
I'll go to their place.
If they don't have one, like...
- Hotel.
- Sorry.
- I mean, I've--
- Back alley,
if we're not going in.
I've let them come over,
but I always know.
It's like once they step
over the threshold,
I'm like,
"This is your last time."
It's your sanctuary.
It's your safe place.
You don't need a dirty,
dirty boy.
It is.
I do not like them seeing--
I don't like seeing them
in this backdrop.
- Mm-hmm.
- Of my apartment,
the backdrop of my apartment
with their, like,
d*ck and balls just
on my, like, pink throw.
Oh, wait.
Can you say that again?
I gonna write that down
for a painting.
d*ck and balls on pink throw.
- (funky hip-hop music)
- Scalpel, please.
- We got a bleeder.
- (monitor flatlining)
(man whispering)
Cake.
(scratches)
Cake.
(funky hip-hop music)
(upbeat pop music)
(indistinct chatter)
♪ Tell me what
you're thinking ♪
It's just me
and my partner right now,
but we really believe
in the app,
and we think it'll click
with a lot of people.
No, it sounds like
it'd totally work.
The thing is, we don't have
much of a budget up front,
but it could be a really great
ground floor "sitch,"
and we could totally give you
equity down the line.
Okay, well,
that sounds really cool.
Just send me
whatever details you have,
and we can go from there.
That would be great.
Dan said you're really busy,
so no pressure at all
if, you know, you don't...
Okay, in that case,
no, thank you, then.
Oh, uh, I was...
should I not send you the...
Yeah, no, please don't.
Look, you seem like
a really cool person
and that app actually might
gain traction, really.
But, you know, I've just done
a bunch of these favors
for a bunch
of different people,
and I'm just trying to protect
my free time.
I hope you understand.
Oh, my gosh,
I understand completely.
Thank you for being upfront.
We've already been strung along
by two other developers
who seemed really interested
and then just totally ghosted.
So, thanks.
So you're not mad at me?
Oh, my God, no.
No.
She's like, "I need you to call
the cops and find out
whoever was driving
that Maserati--"
Hey.
Hey, Dan.
Hey.
Sorry.
Hey, Dan, um, I know
you're the birthday boy,
but I won't be able to clean
like I did the last six times.
May--maybe you can get
some of the other guests
to help you clean up
so the apartment doesn't smell
like stale beer all week.
Look, I'm--I'm--
I'm having a blast,
and I'm not saying I'm going
to bed right now.
I'm--I'm just saying no
to being your maid.
Hmm.
That's unlike you.
But it's totally cool, man.
Thanks for planning
the surprise.
- Really?
- Jeff!
Happy birthday, old man.
Hey, come meet my friend,
Frankie.
- All right.
- Yeah.
(upbeat music)
Drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink--
No, thank you.
I have a big day on Monday.
Boo!
Here, cheers.
Cheers.
(satisfied sigh)
♪ ♪
No.
Go, Stacy,
it's your birthday.
Go, Stacy.
No.
- Fresh ink, bro?
- Uh, no.
Uh...(laughs)
Um, no.
Hey, Jerome, couple of us
are going to a bar,
if you wanna come.
- No, Jeff.
- Okay.
No, no,
no, no...
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
No, no, no.
Noooo!
Noooo!
No, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
Noooo-ahh!
No!
Nooooo!
(snoring)
(electronic music)
(man whispering)
Cake.
♪ ♪
(birds chirping)
(funky hip-hop music)
(man whispering)
Cake.
Now, Kristoff,
we've been in therapy
for over six months,
and you haven't taken
a single thing seriously,
have you?
No.
So what we're gonna do now
is an exercise
where you have no choice
but to be serious.
It's called free association.
Oh, yeah?
I'll say a word
and then all you have to do
is say the first thing that
comes into your head, okay?
- Yep.
- You have to take it seriously
for it to work.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Politics.
"Shmolitics."
- Family.
- "Shmamily."
- Feminine.
- "Sheminine."
- Kristoff.
- What?
Do it properly.
I am.
- v*olence.
- "Shmiolence."
- Accident.
- "Shmaccident."
- Argument.
- "Shmargument."
- Beef and black bean.
- Shmeef and smash mean.
All right.
Uh..."schmoltz."
Gotcha.
Yeah.
(g*nsh*t cracks)
(snoring)
(groans)
All right, buddy.
Up, you get.
It's : .
- Dan?
- Hey.
Am I dead?
Come on, you can't lay
around on the floor all day.
(groans)
So what happened last night?
Wait, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not so fast.
Here.
Have a sip of this.
You're gonna wanna move
pretty slow.
(chuckles softly)
You really hit it
with a big stick last night.
No, I don't remember having
anything to drink last night.
Oh, no, you didn't have a drop.
You were drunk on "no,"
my friend.
Drunk on...
You went into a deep "no" hole
and saying "no" to anything
and everything.
I was?
Yeah, you were screaming,
"No this, not that."
Marie and Brenda
thought you were
the most negative person
they've ever met.
But I told 'em you're
not usually like this.
Anyway, we went down to the bar
for a drink afterwards,
and not surprisingly,
you said "no."
No, I don't remember
any of this.
Yeah, well, it's a shame,
because you wouldn't believe
who we saw there.
Who?
Oh, never mind.
I shouldn't have said anything.
Oh, who was it?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No.
- Sometimes I just say stuff.
- Come on, Dan.
Who was it?
Okay, okay.
So, we walk in.
This way.
- Diagonal.
- Diagonal, really.
I mean, it was the weirdest
thing I've ever seen.
As I was ordering drinks,
I look over the other end
of the bar,
and I see this big,
fiery mane of red hair.
(upbeat music)
I mean, it was glowing
like the sun.
And like the sun,
I couldn't help but look.
Anyway, she must have
felt me staring,
'cause then she turned
to face us.
And as soon as I saw
the glasses,
I knew.
♪ ♪
Tori.
That's right.
Tori-f*cking-Amos
in Brooklyn on my birthday.
Next thing I know,
we get the corner booth,
and she's buying drinks
for the whole g*ng
and cracking jokes,
telling us stories
about her -plus years
in the biz.
Then she proceeded to let
each and every one of us
cry in her bosom
for ten minutes.
You cried on her bosom?
Ten minutes.
Why didn't you tell me?
I did, we all did repeatedly.
Anyway...
I kept the napkin for you.
(soulful music)
♪ ♪
(Kali Uchis'
"Feel Like a Fool")
♪ It's no fun
to feel like a fool ♪
♪ When you learn your baby
don't belong to you ♪
♪ No fun to feel like
a fool ♪
♪ Fool ♪
♪ It's no fun to feel
like a fool ♪
♪ ♪
♪ They'll do you like that ♪
♪ ♪
- (bright music)
- ♪ Yes ♪
01x03 - Self-Care
American live-action/adult animated anthology television series features an assortment of short-form comedy.