02x03 - A Head in the Polls

[bunniefuu]

Four score and 1145 years ago... our forefathers' foreheads conceived a new nation.

This Presidents' Day, we honor the values my body fought and died for.

Values like this new Plymouth V'ger.

I'm Malfunctioning Eddie... and I'm malfunctioning so badly, I'm giving these cars away!

Let's go car shopping! My parents said if I got B's, they'd buy me a bar.

I got all C's!

Mind if I tag along? My ass needs servicing.

This says it could catch fire in a collision.

No wonder you're at the end of conga lines.

I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

I'm Victor, and I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars... on beautiful women.

Now tell us she's witty and sophisticated.

A gentleman always sells a lady a car first.

This is a Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo.

Note the cross-your-heart seat belt. It protects, lifts and separates.

Spotted her when you walked in, huh? She's a beauty.

Yeah, beautiful coffee.

No, the Ford Thunder Cougar Falcon Bird!

Nothing makes you feel more like a man.

How much do you want to spend? I'm not buying.

I see you don't care if people question your sexual orientation.

I do, but I don't know how to make them stop!

Thunder Cougar Falcon Bird.

The seats are stuffed with eagle down... the dash inlaid with beaks of eagles.

There are eagles under the floorboards.

That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes. And yet...

What's wrong? The luxury edition has more eagle.

It's sad to think you're missing out. Oh, don't be sad.

My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

I installed bumpers to reduce the risk of butt failure.

You, sir, have defaced a national treasure!

I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

All right, but that ass is gonna blow, and when it does...

I pray you're not mooning someone you care about.

This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs.

Victor said so.

No dog food for Victor tonight!

The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as, say...

Sixty thousand!

I'll have to ask my manager.

You don't go above the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

He is not too happy. I'm sorry. Eighty thousand?

I'm terrible at parallel parking.

You're asking for a day off? Get out of my sight!

You're bogarting my patience.

Who were you yelling at?

I asked me for Valentine's Day off. I was in no mood for my shenanigans.

Valentine's Day's coming? I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Since we have no dates, we should... You assume I can't get a date?

How about 8:00?

I'm taking my new car to Mercury. Wanna come?

Okay. How's the weather? The usual. Boiling lead, lava.

So, what? Shorts?

Boy, this A/C is incredible. I better turn on the heater too.

This heater is incredible! I better turn up the A/C some more.

How about some icy margaritas? Yeah!

We're slowing down! I'll hit the fuel guzzler!

Who wants Pop-Tarts?

It's okay. I have an emergency phone.

What are you doing? It's a videophone.

I'm in the Astro-Afro-Antarctico Amerasian-Auto Association.

Hello? Septuple A?

It'll be a couple hours.

Oh, I'm gonna get sweat on my sweat suit.

You're rich. How come you dress like you're doing your laundry?

My parents tell me to be more ladylike. As though.

My folks were always on me to wear underpants. What am I, the pope?

If you were, they'd be all, straighten your pope hat... and put on your good vestments.

It's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff, and junk.

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff, or whatever.

While they tow us, you wanna do it? Yeah!

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw.

Any old business? No.

Any new business? No.

Anyone sleep together? No.

Yep. Kind of.

What? Oh, my God!

One thing led to another. It led there again when we got home.

You snagged the perfect girlfriend.

Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics...

Bender, romance isn't about money.

It's coincidence that Zoidberg is desperately poor and miserably lonely?

Please!

For your information, it's because he's hideous.

They go together like a lime and a coconut.

Do I hear wedding bells? What? No!

Really? Oh, dear.

You're both very lucky. I'd pay to end my miserable loneliness.

If I weren't so desperately poor.

People will pay good money for romance?

I have a scheme so deviously clever that I...

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

Well, pay the man!

Honey, we love you! Shut up, baby, I know it!

Computer dating. Like pimping, but you rarely say upside your head.

Why would anyone ask you for help? Don't make me go upside your head!

Fry? Amy? Put your pants back on! I need a stapler!

If you disrupt the mating dance... the male will maul us with his fearsome gonad.

It's working. They think we're making out.

Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Okay, Mister...? Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan.

Check off what you look for in a mate.

Let's see. Oh, yes. Yes, definitely.

I'd like some of that.

I'll just have everything on the menu.

I'll run it through our high-speed Romance-A-Logical Datafier.

Say hello to Miss Right. Hello.

Wow, we're great kissers.

Hey, later you want to drive out to Europa?

We can picnic and spit at Jupiter.

I used to spit at stuff in the 20th century.

Cool how we think alike, and junk.

Yeah. You know, Fry, I like hanging out with you.

It was great. But now she's talking about hanging out.

She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela.

You'll be back to zero soon. She's smothering me.

Hi. You see? She's bothering me at work!

I do my job, there's Amy.

I go to the candy machine, there's Amy.

I sleep with Amy, there's Amy.

I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?! I'm a prize catch.

I'm pulling down delivery boy money.

She has billions in a trust fund. She wants a trophy husband.

Come to Europa with us. We can't be alone.

Ready for a picnic, just you and me?

You know who loves picnics with just you and me?

Dr. Zoidberg.

Did someone say something about a free meal?

I haven't eaten since Tuesday.

Bird eggs. Animal slices.

Dry woven reeds.

All gone. Can I drive?

No. Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got tickets to the ape fight.

We'll spend Valentine's Day together, isn't it enough?

Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?

Now we're doing Valentine's Day? You said...

We have to talk! Zoidberg, you drive!

Pardon me. Excuse me.

I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness.

You know how you like chocolate but get tired of it... when it always wants to hang out?

You don't like chocolate? Chocolate, let me finish.

Vroom, vroom! And the winner is Hot Rod Zoidberg!

I think we should stop...

Here, you drive.

Fry? Are you all right?

My head's k*lling me. What happened? Was anyone hurt?

No, no, no. Of course not. Nobody but you.

Your body was badly damaged in the crash.

How badly? That's it over there.

I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery.

Where is it? There.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

This always happens with office romances.

We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days.

Upsy-daisy.

I'll try not to interfere in your life.

Fry? Sorry. I guess I control that arm.

What'd you want to talk about anyway?

Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet.

I like you as a friend. But we're spending too much time together.

You're breaking up with me? We should see other people.

I was really having fun. If that's how you feel.

I'm sorry, but it is.

If we're not seeing each other, can I get another date for Valentine's Day?

Unless it would make you feel bad. Hey, I can get a date too.

I can attract all sorts of women.

With my body, I think you'll only attract one sort of woman.

So, how's business?

Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore?

Losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day.

Yeah, it's pathetic, all right.

How much? Five hundred bucks.

Done. Brannigan okay?

No! Six hundred.

Leela? Can I talk to you for a minute in private?

No problem.

Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon... and I'm gonna be stuck there.

Will you be my date? Please?

Too late, I'm sharing Valentine's with a special man.

Not Zapp Brannigan.

Then I have to do something so pitiful that I'm ashamed to tell.

Bender's in his office. Thanks.

I got your hookup. My fee's 500 bucks, but seeing how it's you...

I'll need it in advance.

Okay, we're done with the bra.

Why did you shave? Expecting something to happen with the date?

None of your business. And that's a lot of makeup.

It's deodorant. What does it do?

Come in, Gary. I'll be 20 minutes!

I'll be waiting!

20 minutes? You're ready now!

It's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

That dress looks great. Thanks.

Where is she?

I must say, Amy, you're all made up. Just like Fry's date. Get it?

I've got a date. She's coming.

Fry, look who I found! It's Petunia, your dream girl!

How's them eats? Don't mind if I do.

Kids will be hungry. She seems old.

She's well-traveled. I don't mean she travels.

Wheels fell off my house. Rose? Five bucks.

I'll take one.

Me too. Eight bucks.

You said... Demand skyrocketed. You all saw it.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal.

Nice eyeball, Eyeball. Nice ass, Ass.

Sparks! Buy her a rose, I promise she'll put out.

I'll take my chances.

Cheers. Cheers.

Tell me, you a good gambler?

Well, I... What's your game? Bingo? Keno?

You don't have your own body!

I control this arm. Slots player?

Sorry, but I can do better. Wait! Come back, darling!

I gotta catch my bus back to Nutley.

I'd kiss you but I lost my teeth.

I'd love to take a whack at you... but the 10:15 to Nutley ain't going without me driving.

Excuse me, did you say 10:15 to Nutley?

Why, yes I did.

Did you round up our dates at the bus station?

Of course not. Anybody else for Nutley?

Wait, you didn't show me your surprise!

You know what I'd like to do... Oh, jeez, get a room.

Maybe later.

I have an idea! Let's go out for ice cream.

I thought Amy could come to my place for coffee.

I don't like coffee. Neither do I.

I feel a little tipsy.

Let me pick up the check.

No!

That's it! I'm getting out of here!

If it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body, Fry.

Oh, Leela. We were just on our way out.

Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living?

Banking industry regulator.

Really? I heard that banking industry regulations are very simple.

That's not true.

Modern banking regulations are a product of five regulatory traditions.

Six, if you want to get technical. Oh, I do.

It began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened with the...

Thank you.

There, good as new. Except your dorsal fin.

I couldn't find it after the crash.

I'll live without it? You call that living?

Why wouldn't you let me graft a laser cannon on your chest?

To crush those who disobey you.

I guess we're two different people.

Thanks for the ride, Amy. No hard feelings about your date, or stuff.

I had fun. If I ever feel lonely...

I'll look at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

Anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

How's the corpse? Hooked up okay?

Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender.

Cool!

Thanks for rescuing me last night.

Anytime. I enjoyed hanging out.

Everything worked out great, thanks to Bender.

It's not like you set us up with bad dates... just so we'd be together.

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

No! You just corralled some stiffs and took our money.

True. But in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about?

Yeah. I guess so.

Watch the neck!

My ass! My beautiful...