13x08 - Fit for m*rder

[bunniefuu]

(DANCE MUSIC)

Yeah.

.

(SHOUTS)

. Go on.

Yes.
(SHOUTS)

Stevie, I know you're up there.

Oh! Bloody woman!

I'll k*ll her.

I swear I'll bloody k*ll her!

How dare you!

Go home, Miranda,
you're only making things worse.

You're trespassing!
Go away, you stupid man!

You're disturbing the guests.

If you touch her again
I'm gonna give you such a hammering.

Get off my property now. Both of you!

Your property? Ha!

Let's get you home. One of these
days, you're gonna push me too far.

Oh, yeah?

You want some, do you?

Hey! Come on!

Come on!

Go on then, walk away!

Madness.

Checking in for a detox

and you're inhaling cheeseburgers.

Let's talk about the four bottles of
red win you necked last night.

It was three actually.

MAN: Go on, go on!

Argh!

Oh, my god.

Are you...are you all right,
Mrs Pottinger?

I thought you were gonna do
something about those two.

Go home.

Take your filthy money and go home.

Mrs Pottinger, don't you worry.

I am.

Midsomer Murders - Season , Episode
"Fit for m*rder"

Sync and correected by
http://www.addic ed.com

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
I'm upstairs!

How's it going?

Not bad.

What have you been up to?
Nothing much.

What is it, Carter?

Come here, look.

Nightmare woman.

I reckon nightmare woman is in for a
bit of a surprise.

What have you done?

(MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES)

(BAAING)

"Your tranquillity is ours"

What does that mean?

We're about to have
a de-stressing weekend.

And it isn't going to work
if you keep complaining.

I don't need de-stressing.

Watch out!

Get back in!

(HORN)
Whoa!

Would you watch where you're going?

Likewise! Go away! There's nothing
for you here!

They'll steal your money and ruin
your health.

Go away before it's too late.

What was that about?

I do not know.

But I'm feeling calmer already.

You'll be fine, Mrs Pottinger.

Have they... Have they gone yet?

It's all right, Mrs Pottinger.

There aren't any sheep here.

Since when were you allergic to
sheep anyway?

Are you still here?

Charming.

Can I have a little something to
calm my nerves?

I recommend a gentle massage
followed by a nap.

If she's gonna live,

I'm off to play golf.

Pick you up Monday, dearest.

Just go, will you?

We are...terribly sorry,

Mrs Pottinger.

It won't happen again.

It had better not.

Oh!

My heart...

it's going like a train.

That is down to Carter Smith
and your chum Miranda.

I'll talk to her, Luke.
And what good will that do?

New arrivals.

Last chance, Phoebe.

Sort her out.

Or I will.

Good afternoon.

MAN: Boss.

Boss.

Can I have a word, boss?

Why are you wearing those?

Walked into a door.

Perfect.

It's something I heard in the pub.

What?
This is pure gold, boss.

Straight from the horse's mouth.
Well, go on, then. Amaze me.

It's about Miranda.

What about...Miranda?

We had a bit of a problem
with some escaped sheep.

Yes, we noticed.
One of the delights of country life.

The room is lovely.

Good, good.

Once you've settled in,
you'll see Dr Danby.

He'll help you plan
your treatment schedule.

Any problems, anything you need,
just ask.

Thank you.
We're so looking forward to it.

Good, good.

Pressure point massage with
Himalayan herbs.

Sounds good.

What's wrong with your arm?

Massages?

Himalayan herbs?

Not my thing really, Joyce.

I know you're worried
about the police medical.

I am not worried
about my police medical.

Yes, you are.

I can tell.

I thought coming here would help.

Well, it doesn't.
Here's the deal.

We'll stay here tonight,
have one treatment tomorrow,

and if you still don't like it,

then we can go home.

Deal?
Deal.

What do you want to do on your
birthday?

My birthday? It's ages away.

It's the week after next.

I don't want to do anything on my
birthday.

Tom, what is it?

Something's bugging you.

Nothing is bugging me, Joyce.

I feel...fine.

Never better.

(DOORBELL)

Sheep!

There's only one way they could have
got in there.

Ah, speak of the devil.
Hello, Phoebe, are you all right?

No, not all right. Very much not all
right, thanks to you.

Me?
The sheep, Carter.

What sheep?

The sheep in the garden
of contemplation.

We used to call it the kitchen
garden.

We used to grow vegetables there,
remember?

It's been lovely chatting to you.
But I must leave you.

Going home to the wife and kids?
Yeah, as it happens.

Toodle pip.

Never mind sheep, what about this?

A letter from some lawyer telling me

I have no right of access to my own
house.

That was Luke's doing, not mine.

Don't pass the buck.

What do you expect when you're
intent on sabotaging everything?

Don't make it sound as if you're
embarking on some noble enterprise.

It was paradise here until
you mucked it up.

You and what's his name?
His name's Luke.

Trying to force me
out of my own home.

Nobody's forcing you out of your
home. Your husband is!

I just want some peace
so that I can write.

Oh, the famous novel.
years and still not finished.

Why? because it doesn't exist.
It's a fantasy.

You're my oldest friend, Phoebe.

So listen to me, then.

You're right.
Luke does want you out of here.

And so far I've managed
to rein him in.

But if you don't stop interfering
and the childish pranks...

Woe.

Keep Carter Smith off the premises.

He frightened Kitty Pottinger half
to death with those sheep.

We don't want her dropping dead, do
we?

Not till Luke's
got hold of her money anyway.

So...

you've a police medical coming up?

Yes. Next week.

Word is they're looking to shed a
few senior officers.

Early retirement and so on.

You wouldn't consider...
Who, me? No, no.

I'm in perfect health.

I haven't seen my GP for years.

Glad to hear it.

Though your blood pressure
is a little high.

Is it?

Well, just a tad.

Nothing to get
unduly concerned about.

But if they were looking for a
reason to retire you...

You could take medication to bring
it down

but they're bound to ask you...
If you're no any medication?

Exactly.

I'd see your GP about it
in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, I'm putting you on
a meat-free, low-salt diet

and no alcohol, of course.

At all?

Get yourself a massage.

Eat, sleep, relax.

You'll probably sail
through the medical.

Is there anything else I can help
you with, Mr Barnaby?

Yeah.

I keep getting these twinges
in my arms.

And in my legs.

They seem to...move around.

Twinges?

Yeah.

LUKE: If there's anything you need
don't hesitate to ask.

Ah, Ms Fox, you look
absolutely delightful.

Hey.

Joyce...

what is this?

It's tofu casserole.

Bags of protein.

Absolutely no cholesterol.

New arrivals, right?

Hiya, I'm Kenny.

Got you on the tofu, I see.

Word to the wise.

Get thee down The Cricketers,
my son.

Pub in the village.

Real ale on tap.

Best steak and chips

this side of Calais.

That, Kenny, sounds very good.

I'm in trouble.

Are you?

I should have been playing golf
but my chum has put his back out.

Boss thought she'd got
rid of me for the weekend.

What have you been doing?
I've been talking to them.

You're supposed to talk to me.
About my birthday...

Yes? There's something
I want to tell you.

Don't spill...

You're such a clumsy oaf.
Unbelievable.

LUKE: It's fine.

I'll sort it out.
It's absolutely fine.

I can't take you anywhere.
Oh, Kenny!

Just...

Just get out of my sight.

Night night.

(MOUTHS)

Tranquillity.

How dare you walk out on me!

Where did that come from, Kenny?

I assumed you brought it.
Oh, you are such a liar!

Have a drink for crying out loud.

Well, I suppose I could
start my detox tomorrow.

That's the spirit.

Salud y pesetas, my darling.

(KNOCKING)

Hide the bottle, quick!

Hide it.

(BELCHES)
Sorry.

Oh, hello.

(CAR STARTS)

You're going to be late
for your treatment.

I'm going in the floatation chamber.

I've always wanted
to try one of those.

And you're having the hot volcanic
stone massage.

Oh, god.

Remember our deal.

No going home till you've tried it.

The water is only ten inches deep
and it's salinated,

so you'll have no trouble floating.

This is to support your head.

We usually suggest an hour
to get maximum benefit.

And we like to keep the lighting
very low.

I could turn it up a little
if you like.

No, dark is possible for me.
No distractions.

Thank you.

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

First I apply a thin layer of
scented oil to your back.

Then I'll arrange the heated stones
in line with your chakras

My what?

Your chakras.

Your energy centres.

Look... I'm sorry,
what's your name again?

Cloud.

Cloud. There's nothing personal in
this

but I think I'll give the hot stones
a miss this time round.

Please don't go.

If you do, I'll have to mark this
session as incomplete.

Is that a problem?

Well, it means I won't get paid.

You could just,
you know, sit and chill.

(NEW AGE MUSIC IN BACKGROUND)

Got any Mozart?

I've got whale song.
No, thank you.

I could read your aura.

Sorry, my what?

I can read auras.
Not everybody's, just some.

Yours is very confused.

It's probably because
your chakras are unbalanced.

The crown chakra is the centre
of spiritual energy.

Yours is totally blocked.
Really?

You've got a birthday coming up.

Well, hasn't everybody?

This is really soon, like in a week.

This birthday is really stressing
you out.

I am not stressed.

It's something to do with your
father.

What?

Mr Barnaby. Sorry.

Sorry. Something terrible has
happened.

Are you gonna be all right?

Yes.

Are you all right?

For a moment there, I thought
something had happened to you.

Are you all right, Mrs Barnaby?

I'm fine.

And now I'm going to go and have a
long, hot bath.

The deceased's name is Kitty
Pottinger.

Staying here with her husband
Kenneth.

He's nowhere to be found
and their car's gone.

She'd been in the water six or seven
hours.

Water's inches deep, heavily
salinated.

Still deep enough to drown.
We're saying it's suspicious?

The question is, was she dead
before immersion?

There's no obvious
signs of struggle.

I'll know more when I've opened her
up, Tom.

Tom.

Sir.

Ah... I suppose I'd better get
changed.

No hurry.

Strictly speaking, as you're
off-duty,

I'm the senior investigating
officer, aren't I?

Yeah, I suppose you are.

I'm not serious, sir.

No, but it is serious, Jones.

Very serious and a big
responsibility.

(SIREN)

Empty bottle of vodka.

Mobile.

There's a text on the mobile.

"I can't take it any more.

You're on your own now, bitch.
Kenneth."

Sent at : am.

Nice.

Lots of women's clothes.

No men's.

Only one case.

Going to look in the bathroom?

There's no sign of a bloke in here.

Uh-oh.

Ten milligrams Temazepam.
Empty.

Kitty Pottinger's name on the label.

So what's next?

Well, you're the SIO.

Your call.

Right, well, I'll talk to the
owners.

See if they lock that floatation
place up at night.

You could talk to the resident doc,
see if he prescribed these.

Yes, sir.

Good.

Good.

You should have gone for that one.

Take ten minutes.

Practise that serve, yeah.

I really can't discuss this, you
know.

Oh, yes, you can, Dr Danby.

I'm here as a policeman now,
not as a guest.

Well, the Pottingers
were both fond of a drink.

Kenny in particular.

They used to come here to detox.

But Kenny would cr*ck after a day or
two and go down to the local pub.

We found an empty bottle of Temazepam

with Kitty Pottinger's name on it.

Not prescribed by me, I might add.

No, no, you must speak
to her GP about that.

Kenny was the serious drinker.

Kitty's tastes were more...

pharmaceutical. Painkillers,
sleeping pills and so on.

I did try and talk to her about it
on more than one occasion.

Oh, well done, Mrs Fox.
That really was first rate.

They're very well off, you know.

Made his money in property
I believe.

In fact,

there was talk of Kitty investing in
this place.

Dr Danby, I think I've tweaked
my hamstring again.

Oh, well.

Duty calls.

Mrs Fox.

Joyce!
Mmm.

Joyce.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine.

Because if you're not,

we can always pack up and go home.

Nice try, Tom.

But I'm undeterred. I'm gonna have
the marine mud wrap next.

Well, if you're sure.
I'm sure.

Do you want to hear the gossip?

According to Florence, the girl who
works in the floatation room,

the Archbolds are broke.

This place is within days of
closing.

Kenny and Kitty Pottinger.

Witnesses saw them have a set-to
in the dining room last night.

Yes, me included.

And I heard a car leaving in the
middle of the night.

That presumably was Kenneth
Pottinger.

: am.

If you'd care to write that down.

Yeah, that was ten minutes
before he dumped her by text.

They are famous for their fights
apparently.

Particularly after a few drinks.

So Kenneth Pottinger gets back from
the pub drunk.

They argue over dinner.

Go back to their room.
Hit the vodka.

Fight gets worse. He storms off.

She finishes off her pills.

And heads off to the floatation
room.

It was her favourite thing
apparently.

Oh, that's Luke Archbold.
I haven't spoken to him yet.

Can you have a word with him, sir?

I'm still getting everyone's
movements from last night.

Of course.

If I were SIO, Joe,

I'd be looking for Kenneth Pottinger.

I'm on it, sir.

(CHATTER)

Well, come on!

I want this cleaned up by lunchtime.

Mr Archbold.
Tom.

How do a flock of sheep get in here
by accident?

Well, they don't.

They were put here.

It's sabotage.

Can I talk to you about the
Pottingers, please?

The floatation centre
was locked at : pm sharp.

Guests are warned about using
facilities unsupervised.

So if you're thinking of throwing

the old health and safety book at
me...

Health and safety is not my concern.

How and why Kitty Pottinger d*ed is.

What?

You're not saying she was m*rder*d?

Please, for God's sake, please
don't go spreading that around.

That's the last thing we need. Any
idea where Kenny might have gone?

With his golfing buddies probably.
That's where he usually goes.

He's walked out on her before,
has he? God, yeah.

But he's normally back the next day
with his tail between his legs.

See, Kenny can't cross the road
without Kitty holding his hand.

That's all we need. Hey!

Hey!

Oi!

Hang on!

Look!

I've told you before.

You are not allowed on the property.

He's on my property.

Actually he's not, as I believe my
solicitor has informed you.

You have no right of way here.

So how am I supposed to get in and
out of my own house?

Not my problem. And you...

You should be aware that this man...

is a police officer.

And I am going to make an official
complaint to him

regarding your persistent
trespassing.

Not to mention the sheep
infestation.

It's a long word, Lukey-boy.

But I will be able to prove
it was down to you.

How are you gonna do that?

Check the sheep for my fingerprints?

Why not? They're on
everything else around here.

Aren't they, Miranda?

Hey! Get off!

Get off me!
Carter!

Get off!

You're my witness, Barnaby.

He assaulted me.
I insist you arrest him immediately!

Walk away.
as*ault and battery.

I'm gonna make a complaint.
The clock's ticking.

You're finished here.

Luke Archbold has found some
loophole in the deeds

whereby I can't use the drive
of my own house.

So that's the reason for the bad
feeling between you?

Tip of the iceberg, my friend.

Phoebe inherited the manor
years ago.

It was the family home.
She loved the place

but she was broke
and couldn't afford to live here.

I had money in those days.

So I bought the Red House which
meant she could stay on.

We never thought about rights of
way.

We were friends. Why would we?

"Were?"

Everything changed
when she met Luke Archbold.

It was his idea to turn
this place into a circus.

And what is your role in all this,
Mr...?

I mow the lawn.

Help with the shopping.

Mainly I read.

Carter works for me.

He used to work for Phoebe, too.

Luke put an end to that.

You like asking questions, don't
you?

Well, sir, you may not have heard,

but a guest d*ed at the manor last
night.

Who?

Kitty Pottinger.

How awful.

No wonder Lukey-boy
is in a bad mood.

Another gravy train missed.
That's enough, Carter.

What happened?

We don't know yet.

So, did either of you see or hear
anything last night?

Not me. I live in the village.

No, I was working.

And I'm oblivious to everything.

What sort of work would that be,
Ms Bedford?

I'm a writer.

Ms Bedford is writing a novel.

It's her life's work.

years in fact.

years? It must be a long novel.

That level of dedication is a rare
and beautiful thing these days.

Well, it is to me.

What do I know? I mow the lawn.

I think there's a lot more to you
than that, sir.

Including your temper
which if I may say so

you should curb.

I won't even ask about the...

"sheep infestation".

Jones: I just need to check where
everyone was

at various points of the evening.

So, let's start at : pm.

Hang on.

Sir! Sir!

Cloud.

Cloud...

I'm sorry to...disturb you.

Give me a minute? I was just thinking
about Kitty Pottinger.

So sad. She was such a lovely lady.

Was she a client of yours?

Oh, yes. I read her aura
the first time she came here.

I can see her so clearly.

Cloud, when you were reading my aura,

you said something about my father.

I can't talk about that now.

There's too much negative energy
flying around.

Tomorrow, OK?

MAN: Ah, it's still locked.

Hello?

Hello!

It's been closed all day.

Joyce?

Joyce, it's about my birthday.

I've been trying to tell you
something,

but it's so difficult finding
a quiet moment in a place like this.

I'm sorry.

No complaints, I'm sorry.

Joyce, this is...

..all about my father.

It may sound strange
but bear with me, please.

You're not supposed to be in here,
sir.

Hello, Tom.

Are you disturbing Mrs Fox?

Oh, I'm so terribly sorry.

I can book you a session if you
want. No. No.

I'm so sorry.

I am sorry.

Good morning to you, sir.

Good morning to you.
What will it be?

What do you recommend?

You have the look, sir, of an
escapee from the Manor Spa.

That's exactly what I am.

Then I advise a pint of Old
Curmudgeon, . ABV.

And it'll bring down
a soya bean at yards.

That sounds perfect.

And if you're peckish
we do a retox menu.

Oh, thank you.

Well...

Don't mind me. My day off.

Oh, why not?

You only live once.

Good man.

(DOORBELL)

What do you want?

Let me in, for God's sake.
If Luke sees me here, he'll k*ll me.

Are you all right?

I'm worried, Miranda, worried
about the situation.

You're worried? That's good.

All right, I'm frightened.

I'm frightened that Carter is going
to do something.

Like what?

Come on, Carter's got a temper.
He's violent for God's sake.

He att*cked Luke earlier today.
No, Luke att*cked Carter.

And Carter b*at up Julian outside
The Cricketers. They were drunk.

It was handbags at paces.
Carter threatened to k*ll Luke.

Nonsense.
I was there.

I heard him. Carter's clever. He
only lets you see one side of him.

You don't know what he's really
like. Funny.

I could say exactly the same thing
about Luke.

I wish Magnus was still alive.

So do I, Phoebs.

You haven't called me that in ages.

Haven't I?

Maybe we could...

Maybe we could what?

No, it doesn't matter.
I'm just being silly.

I think I'd better go.

Now, Magnus, Phoebe's first husband,
he was a nice fella, he was.

This was before your time, Julian.

Before they turned the manor into a
spa.

Magnus... Would you do another, sir?

Magnus worked in the city.

Worked too hard, I reckon,
cos he dropped dead what...

five years ago.

Not long after that, Luke Archbold
came on the scene.

Caught Phoebe on the rebound.

Caught her money on the rebound
you mean.

Maybe. Good afternoon, Carter.
The usual?

Please, Clarky.

(SNIFFS)
Funny smell in here all of a sudden.

How's they eye, Julian?

Now, then, you two,
any more aggravation

and I'm barring both of you.
I'm going outside.

Bring my pint out, would you?
Righto.

I'm off anyway.
Thanks, Julian.

Very nice.

They had a bit of a set-to
in the car park the other night.

He's a good bloke, Carter,
but, oh, he's got a temper on him.

Lovely day.

Shh.

You're not supposed to talk here.

Sorry.

Can I smell beer?

What, in this lovely place?

Surely not.

You've been to that pub.

I have been making enquiries.
And had lunch.

You've had steak and chips.

Sorry.

What are you doing?

Meditating.

Try it.

Close your eyes.

Concentrate on your breathing.

And try to empty your mind.

Shh!

.

.

.

.

Argh!

(GROANS)

(PHONE RINGS)

Barnaby.

On my way.

What is it?
Something terrible has happened.

Again.
Oh, God!

When I woke up this morning
and he still wasn't there...

Is there anything we can do?

Oh, no, thank you.
Florence is looking after me.

We can talk later.

I'll be back in one sec.

Wait.

It's probably nothing important,
but...

Go on, go on.

Mrs Archbold told me that she...

She was worried that
Carter Smith was going to...

to do something to Mr Archbold.

She went to see Mrs Bedford
yesterday to talk about it.

I dunno what happened
but she was really upset afterwards.

I just thought I ought to tell you.

Cos she probably won't.

That's good.

You should tell me. Thank you.

I've contacted the manufacturers
and they're sending someone down.

So we can see whether it's been
tampered with or not.

I've got to talk to Mr Universe.

He runs the gym.
Do you want to come?

They're gonna blame me, aren't they?

Why, Julian? Because I'm supposed
to look after the equipment.

I told Mr A, you should get a proper
person to look after it

now Carter is not working here.

Carter Smith?
Yeah, he used to do the maintenance.

He's good with stuff like that.
I'm not a technology person.

I'm a people person.

That's what a trainer needs,
people skills.

They'll close this place down now,
won't they?

Did Ms Archbold say anything about
closing it down? No, Julian.

No, she didn't.

If they do, I'll have
to go back to Nuneaton.

Julian, excuse me.

Ooh.
Nice.

Did Carter Smith give you that?

Might have done.

What was the fight about?

We were arguing about loony Miranda.

What about loony Miranda?

About her and her famous book.

I made a joke, that's all.

Well, Julian, we're gonna have to
talk to you again.

Don't worry.

I'm not going back to Nuneaton.

Not until I have to.

Didn't you say Carter had a go
at Luke Archbold yesterday?

Yes. He flies off the handle all too
easily

and he threatened Luke before.

There's the dispute over the right
of way.

We've seen people m*rder*d over one
of those.

And Carter knows his way around the
equipment in the gym.

I think there's more to this than a
dispute over a right of way.

Like what?

I'm interested in the fight over
Miranda Bedford's book.

What's that got to do with anything?

Any sign of Kenny Pottinger yet?

No. He goes off on his benders.

Comes back a couple of days later
with his tail between his legs.

Have you sorted out everyone's
movements for that night?

Er...not quite.

Why?

Well, it's difficult.
Because?

Because...
Because we're gonna need

exactly the same thing for last
night, aren't we?

Yes.
Yes.

"You're the SIO, Jones."

Right.

What's the matter with Mrs Fox?

She's upset about Luke Archbold
obviously.

Why obviously?

Because she's obviously
got a bit of a thing about him.

I thought policemen
were supposed to be observant.

Well, I've got
other things on my mind, Joyce.

I guess our stay is over.
Oh, yes.

Sorry, Joyce.

No, I'm the one that's sorry.

I bring you away
for a de-stressing weekend,

and people start dropping like
flies.

I'll go and pack.

Ooh, Tom.

Mrs Fox said you were talking to her
about your father.

You know,
when you thought she was me.

What was that about?
Oh, it was nothing.

Nothing much.

Look, I'll tell you about it later.

I'm not gonna put on a show of mock
grief cos I couldn't stand the man.

I'm sorry for Phoebe though.

Where's Carter?

No idea.

I'm not his keeper.
Despite what everybody says

my relationship with Carter Smith is
strictly platonic.

That means we're just good friends.

Yes, I know what it means.

We talk about books.
Your book?

Of course.

Oh, happy times,
by the look of things.

Yes, they were.

Do you talk to Phoebe
about your book?

I used to, yes.

Until Luke came on the scene.
Then everything changed.

Ah, yes.

Phoebe married Luke Archbold
and you took up with Carter Smith.

I did not "take up" with him.

I employed him. Anyway, the two
events are completely unrelated.

Are they really?

What exactly is it that you want?

Phoebe Archbold

came to see you yesterday afternoon,
didn't she?

Yes. So?

Did she talk about
Carter threatening Luke?

That's all such nonsense.

Is it? I heard Carter Smith
yesterday say to Luke,

"Your days are numbered."

He meant here.

At the manor. They're broke.
Didn't you know?

The spa is a failure.

That's a cause for celebration,
isn't it?

Now you can get on with your book
without any interruption.

My God.

You don't think that Carter and I

had anything to do with Luke's
death, do you?

There are no post or ante-mortal
injuries.

There's foam in the airways, lungs
were overinflated

and full of liquid. All of which
indicates death by drowning.

The lab report shows she'd ingested

a considerable amount of alcohol
and benzodiazepine.

What are you saying, George?

I'm saying, Tom,

I cannot at this point tell you

whether her death was accidental or
not.

What about him?

Crush asphyxia due to chest
compression by the look of it.

I can't be absolutely certain
till I'm finished.

And even then, with injuries like
this, it's hard to be definitive.

That's very useful.
Thank you, George.

Don't mention it!

Sir, report on the empty vodka
bottle.

Tell me.
No prints.

Not even a smudge.

It's been thoroughly cleaned.
Inside as well.

Inside?

Same with the glasses.
Want to know what I think?

Enlighten us, Benjamin.
It was rinsed out

so we wouldn't find
traces of Temazepam.

Kitty Pottinger was drinking vodka
spiked with her own medication.

Which makes Kenny Pottinger
prime suspect.

He had the means, the opportunity
and the motive.

Well, sir?

Cheer up, Tom.

Looks like you might have
a m*rder after all.

Are you off, Mrs Barnaby?

Oh, yes. Tom wants me out of here
before I become a suspect.

I don't know, maybe it's me,
but...he doesn't seem himself.

Well, I think he is
worried about the police medical.

Not that he'd ever admit it.
Then, of course, there's this place.

Yeah. It's a tricky case.

Lots of unanswered questions.
I don't mean the body count.

I mean all this New Age stuff.
Oh.

I can't be doing with it.
Yeah.

(ENGINE STARTS)

What are you doing?

If you want
to see something clearly,

you should look
in the opposite direction.

It's a Zen thing.
Ah.

Of course it is.
Ssh!

There are dark spots on your aura.

You're very troubled.
It's do with your father.

You've got a birthday coming up.

You'll be the same age
as your father...when he d*ed.

Yes, this is it.

Your father d*ed on his birthday,

and you're afraid
you'll die on yours.

How did you know that?

There's water.
What?

No, it's gone.
Look, wait.

What did you say about water?
You'll have to go.

We're supposed to be packing.
Mrs Archbold is closing the spa.

Are you going to give me some money?

(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

(DISTORTED VOICES)

Sir.

(DISTORTED) Sir.

Sir?

What is it, Jones?

Enlighten me.
It's a compression plate.

And it's missing
from the training machine.

It's vital, apparently.
Are you all right?

You look a bit peaky.

I'm absolutely fine.

Anything else?
Yes.

The receptionist tells me
there's a set of keys missing. Mm.

Keys to where?
The whole place, everything.

Including the gym. How about
we turn over Carter Smith's place

and see what we find?
Miranda Bedford's too.

Yeah, right. Right!

I'll apply for the search warrants,
then.

Yeah, obviously.
Right.

Er...no. Jones.

Erm...

Kenny Pottinger's car -
What about it?

Er...look for it round here.

Round here?!
Yes, say a two-mile radius.

I heard a car, but Kenny Pottinger
wasn't necessarily driving it.

I think someone wants us
to believe that he fled the scene.

Then, there's the text message
signed 'Kenneth'.

Everyone calls him 'Kenny'.
Yeah.

Whoever drove the car
sent the text message.

You're thinking it was someone
from here.

I'm thinking all kinds of things.

(GATE CREAKS OPEN)

Oh, I'm sorry.
No...no, it's all right.

Come in.

How are you?

Oh, well...

I feel like I'm in a bit of a dream,
I suppose.

A very bad dream.

And on top of it all,
we've had to tell the staff

that we're closing, that they don't
have their jobs any more.

And...they've all been so wonderful.

This used to be the kitchen garden.

Miranda and I spent a lot of time
in here.

My first husband Magnus
worked away on business a lot.

I brought up the children.
Miranda wrote

or talked about writing.

And we worked in here together.

It was the happiest time of my life.

(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

Ah! Hello, Cully.
What a lovely surprise.

He said without much conviction.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh.

Jones, what can I do for you?
Just a couple of things

I wanted to check with you.

Excuse us, ladies.

Oh, we'll get the search warrants
tomorrow.

Yes. And?

Well, the night Kitty Pottinger
d*ed...

not everyone's account tallies.

Like Julian, the gym guy.

He was seen hanging
around the Red House at : pm.

But he says
he was with Luke Archbold.

Erm...the Natasha Fox woman
says she was in her room,

but a member of staff
brought a tea and said -

Go and double check.
Well, I can't double check

with Luke Archbold
because he's brown bread.

Jones, I can't do everything for you,
can I?

Any sign of Kenny Pottinger?

No, not as yet.

Or his car?

Working on it, sir.

We were just planning
your surprise birthday party, Dad.

You were what?
Joke.

Have a glass of wine.
Ooh, yes, please.

How's it going, Tom?
How's it going? (LAUGHS)

It's going very well indeed,
excellent, couldn't be better (!)

Cheers, love.

(CREAKING)

It's the police.

(DOORBELL)
Am I ever going to get any peace?

Mob-handed as well. It's pathetic.

Don't lose it, Carter.

(DOORBELL)

Detective Sergeant Jones,
Causton CID.

I have a warrant
to search the premises.

What exactly are you hoping to find?

This is a m*rder inquiry,
Ms Bedford.

I suppose I have no choice
in the matter. No, you don't.

I'd love to stay and watch the fun,
Barnaby,

but you know how it is -
things to do, people to see.

Mr Smith.
Carter, don't!

Mr Smith, I need a look
inside your vehicle before you go.

Please! I said I need to look!

Ms Bedford, shall we?

Key, please.

Oh, so the book really does exist?
Of course.

Beautiful handwriting.

Hilary - is she the heroine?
She's a protagonist, yes.

And what happens to her?
As a matter of fact,

she goes to prison...for m*rder.

But she's innocent, of course.
Of course.

Oh-oh. Oh!

Oh, yes.

Yeah?

Sir. Compression plate
identical to the one

missing from the machine
that k*lled Luke Archbold.

Right, so I sabotaged the equipment,

then hid the incriminating evidence
in my truck.

Criminal mastermind, that's me (!)
Carter.

Sir.
What?

Ah-ha! A large bunch of keys.

(READS) 'Tanning studio.'

'Fitness suite.'

Looks like these
belong to the manor.

Do you recognise those keys?
No, of course I don't.

I do. They were mine.

I er...I handed them back to Luke
when he sacked me.

Unfortunately, he won't be able
to confirm that, will he?

A crude attempt to incriminate us,
obviously.

Well, we'll discuss it
at the station, shall we?

Carter Smith, Miranda Bedford, I'm
arresting you both on suspicion -

Wait.

Mr Smith, that fight you had
with Julian outside the pub...

What about it?

That fight was all
about Miranda's book, wasn't it?

Well, something like that, yeah.

Julian claimed that
that book did not exist.

Am I right? Sir.
Hang on, hang on.

Mr Smith?

My memory's er...a bit hazy.
I'd had a few drinks, hadn't I?

And he would never ever
discuss my work with anyone.

Would you, Carter?

Mr Smith, if you do not cooperate
with us,

I'll have you in and out
of Causton nick on so many charges

your head will spin. Assaulting
a police officer, trespass.

And, yes, sir, first-degree m*rder.
All right, all right. Yes.

Yes, I told Julian
that I'd read the book.

And?

And I told him
it was almost finished.

And I told him
where Miranda kept the manuscript.

Oh, Carter.
I'm so sorry,

but he got to me, didn't he?
The great lump

can't even spell his own name.
What right has he got

to have a go at you?
We're finished here.

Thank you.

Please, I'm so...I'm so sorry.

They've got to be in the frame. Kitty and
Luke are dead. They got what they want.

The spa's finished. Phoebe won't
push this right-of-way business -

And they leave vital evidence
lying around for us to pick up.

How very thoughtful (!)
Murderers panic.

They do stupid things
in the heat of the moment.

How many times have we seen that?
Jones, Kitty Pottinger,

Luke Archbold's murders
were premeditated

and carefully planned. Heat
of the moment didn't come into it.

(MOBILE RINGS)
That stuff about Mrs Bedford's book.

Jones!

Right. Thank you.

Well, you were right
about one thing.

Kenny Pottinger's car.

They've found it in a wood
a couple of miles from here.

It's unlocked.

They key's in the ignition.

And a mobile.

Open the boot.

Oh, golf. Oh, of course.
What?

Kenny was supposed to be playing golf
over the weekend.

It fell through at the last moment.

So whoever spiked the vodka

thought that Kitty
was going to be there on her own.

So Kenny got doped as well?

You mentioned some discrepancies
in the witness statements.

Yeah. Natasha Fox
said she was in her room,

but there was no answer
when room service called.

She always has camomile tea
last thing.

Is that all?
No, Julian, the gym guy,

he said he was with Luke Archbold
at : pm.

But Angela Danby saw him hanging
around Miranda Bedford's place.

Angela who?
Danby.

One of the therapists. Hippy dippy,
calls herself 'Cloud'. Danby.

Danby. Isn't that
the name of the doctor? Yeah.

She's his daughter.

Oh, for crying out loud!

What?

Nothing.
You go and talk to Natasha Fox,

see if she's lying.
I'll go and speak to Julian Woodley.

Argh! Damn me!

Hello, Julian.

Mrs Fox. A word.

Julian, this is a m*rder inquiry.

Let me tell you something.
If you lie to me,

that makes you
an accessory to m*rder.

If you weren't in your room
that night, where were you?

Or perhaps a more formal interview
might jog your memory.

I was with Luke.
Luke Archbold?

Yes, my husband.

I'm sorry?
My ex-husband.

He left me for Phoebe
when my money ran out.

But he was coming back to me.

I was the one he really cared about.
Hold on.

Carter told me
about Loony Miranda's book.

How it almost finished.
Thousands of pages, all handwritten.

And how she keeps it
in this old safe.

So I told Mr A and...

Well, he wanted me to steal it.

He offered me a grand,
but I wasn't gonna do it.

(MOBILE RINGS)
I would never have stolen anything.

I was just being helpful.
Excuse me.

Barnaby.

She's what?
Luke's ex.

Yeah, the night Kitty d*ed,
they were cavorting

in one of the vacant rooms.
But when she left,

she saw something very interesting.

OK, listen.
This is what we're going to do.

What exactly is it
you're looking for?

I just wanted a last look
before we leave.

You're leaving?
Yes.

We're finished here. As of today,

we'll be running the investigation
from Causton Police Station.

You can start
moving everyone out now, Jones.

Yes, sir.

Goodbye.

Mrs Archbold, did your husband tell
you about Miranda Bedford's book?

Tell me what about the book?
That he was planning to steal it.

He was what?

This door has been locked
for a couple of days, hasn't it?

Luke said there was a problem
with the sunbed. Do you have a key?

Not on me.
Ah.

What were you saying
about Miranda's book?

Oh, nothing. Just something I heard.
Probably nonsense.

Sounds like it.
Thank you, Mrs Archbold,

for your help. Will excuse me
a minute? I have a phone call. Yes.

I'll be in the office
if you need me.

Arrrgh!

Please, help me!

Ssh, ssh, ssh. Quiet.

(CREAKING AND RATTLING)

No, no. Please...

No. Please. Please.

It's all right, Mr Pottinger.
You're safe.

You're safe.

(GASPS)

I didn't hit him hard enough, did I?

(SIREN)

Once Kitty Pottinger had
a controlling interest in the manor,

I knew I'd be out sooner or later.

Miranda as well.

The thought of that woman
ruling the roost in MY house...

And she would've ruled.

So you decided to k*ll her?

Yes.

I used to open the flotation chamber
for her at all hours.

VIP treatment for her ladyship
and so on.

One night, she was so out of it
on booze and pills,

she could barely walk. I thought...

..'All I have to do is...hold
your head under the water

for a minute or two.'

When Luke told me she was going
to invest in the spa,

I remembered that night.

But you needed Kenny out of the way.
Yes.

But then his golfing weekend
came up. Perfect.

I dissolved Kitty's Temazepam
in the vodka

and I left it in their room. I knew
she wouldn't be able to resist.

Then, I realised
that Kenny hadn't gone.

I hurried back to the room
to retrieve the vodka,

but it was too late.
They'd already opened it.

Oh, hello.
Oh, er...

Just-just er...wondering
if there was anything you need.

Oh, I might fancy a float later.
Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

She said that
she might give me a call later.

Sure enough, she did.

Let's put this under your head.
Oh, that's nice.

Lovely. Now, all right,
Mrs Pottinger?

There was no sign of Kenny.

Well, I thought
that it might still work.

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

So I had to improvise.

Mr Pottinger,
you're disturbing the guests.

Oh, you're all wet.
Oh.

It's nice.

You know, I've...always had

a little bit of a thing for you.

Well, that's...lovely.

But not here.

Sunbed, eh?
Why don't you lie down?

Well...this will be a first.

(GIGGLES)

Oh, no, no, wait.

Just let me
get these wet things off.

Well, you're full of surprises
you are, aren't you? (LAUGHS)

(GROANS IN PAIN)

Now, I had to finish Kitty off.

Oh!

I was going back to deal with Kenny
when I remembered the vodka bottle.

I had to get that cleaned up.
But you'd been seen by Natasha Fox.

Yes, the ex-wife.
How perfect is that?

And when you went back
to the tanning studio,

Kenny Pottinger wasn't there, was he?

No. So I panicked.

Oh, God!

I drove Kenny's car to the wood.

I sent Kitty a text to her mobile,
but everything was unravelling.

I had to find Kenny.
Who was wandering the grounds,

severely concussed,
full of booze and pills.

I got a torch
and went looking for him.

He was by the pump house.

I couldn't find a pulse.
I thought he was dead.

He's a big man.
It took me an age to get him inside.

When Luke told you he was planning
to steal Miranda's manuscript

to destroy her life's work
and so finally be rid of her...

Oh, my God. Well, that's when
I realised that Luke had to go too.

I was in the gym one day
when Carter explained to Luke

how the machine might go wrong
if it wasn't properly maintained.

That's when I got the idea.

And it was easy
to plant the evidence.

Too easy.

It's funny, I could say
exactly the same thing about Luke.

I'd hoped you'd think Carter
had left the keys at the Red House.

I-I didn't mean to involve Miranda.

I wish Magnus was still alive.
So do I, Phoebs.

When Luke told me that
Miranda's book actually existed...

..I felt so...guilty
for doubting her.

I wanted to look after her.
Do you understand?

That's what I'd always done.

When we were happy.

When everyone was happy.

(SIREN APPROACHING)

I'm so, so sorry.

I should've had more faith.

But when Luke said that he was
going to steal the manuscript...

It wouldn't have mattered if he had.

Carter gets any new pages
photocopied every day.

Does he?
Of course.

And I finished it a year ago.

I've just been tweaking bits
since then.

The book's been sold, Phoebs,

for pots of money.

But...but Carter told Julian
that he -

Carter tends to dramatise.

He reads too much.

I just wanted everything
to go back to how it was before.

It will. However long it takes.

I'll be here.

What's the book about?

Us.

I've got a loose end to tie up.

Toodle-pip!

Hello, Angela.

The spa's closed. We're not
doing any more treatments.

Oh, what a shame.
Yes...it is.

No, I mean a shame
for you and your father.

It's quite a double act
you've got going there.

I don't know what you mean.
Do you not?

Well, the clients
sign into this place.

They're given the once-over by your
father and they're erm...vulnerable.

And they tell him things they
probably wouldn't tell their own GP.

I know I did. And that, Ms Danby,

is how you knew about my father.

Sit down.

Sit down!

(SIGHS)
Oh, good.

He d*ed on his birthday.

Yes, I told your father -
Ssh!

Near water.

A river... No, a lake. A big lake.

It was a beautiful sunny day.

He was on his own when he d*ed.

You weren't there.

Nobody was there.

You didn't tell my father that,
did you?

No.

Joyce, do you remember
the day my father d*ed?

Of course I do.
And he'd asked me

to go fishing with him.
Something we always did together

on his birthday when I was a kid.

And all those years later,
he asked me again.

But we'd had one of our...arguments.

And I was annoyed with him.
I was angry.

And I said no,
and you and I went off to have lunch.

You think that
if you'd gone with him that day -

I could've done something, yeah.

I think about that a lot.

Tom. Your father d*ed
of a massive stroke.

You couldn't have done anything.
Well, you can say that,

but I feel guilty. I really do.

And I'm very sad because the
last words I ever said to my father,

they were not affectionate.

And then I got this idea
stuck in my head.

What idea?

The idea that I would die
when I got to his age.

Sure enough, a few weeks ago, I
started feeling these aches and pains,

headaches, God knows what.
Why on earth didn't you tell me?

Because, Joyce, it's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous.
It's irrational. It's neurotic.

So you're human,
just like the rest of us.

Yeah, I assume so.

Should I have a medical team
on stand-by tomorrow?

Tomorrow?
Your birthday!

Oh. No, you should not.

My twinges have gone
and I'm feeling fine.

It must've helped,
passing that police medical.

Yeah.

'Dad?'

Tom?

Oh, God moves in mysterious ways.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Well done!

Whoa! Champagne!

And he passed his medical too.

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday, dear Tom

♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

(CHEERING)

Look, I'd like to propose
a few toasts of my own, if I may.

OK. And I'd like to start with Ben.
Oh, this has got to be a wind-up.

I'd like to thank you
for your loyalty and your patience,

particularly over the last few weeks,

when I have not been
the easiest man to work with.

He did say 'weeks'?
(LAUGHTER)

And to George for his humour
and his expertise.

We've met a lot of interesting people
over the years, haven't we, George?

Yeah, most of them dead.
(LAUGHTER)

And, of course,
here's to cousin John.

Newly transferred to Midsomer.
I do hope the residents

can curb their murderous inclinations

while he's here.
I doubt it.

(LAUGHTER)
And finally...

..Joyce and Cully.

I'd like to thank you
for your unfailing love

and support,
despite late-night phone calls -

Uneaten meals.
Interrupted holidays.

Don't spoil it! Here's to you all.

ALL: Cheers.

If you er...don't mind my saying so,
Tom...

..that sounded
rather like a farewell speech.

Well, there you go. You see, George,
I was going on to say

that erm...Joyce and I,
we're going on a long holiday.

But I've...well, we've decided

that that holiday will be indefinite.

What does that mean exactly?
Well, that, Detective Sergeant,

means that I am not coming back.

I am retiring.

Well, what's brought this on?
(PHONE RINGS)

Well, something happened recently,

something that made me
take a long, hard look at...

Inspector Barnaby. Yeah.

Dad, it's for you.

Er...no, I don't think it is.

I think that's
for the other Inspector Barnaby.

Did you know?
No.

Barnaby speaking.

OK.

On my way.

Sorry to break up the party, Tom,

but the vicar at Badger's Drift has
been found hanging from a bell rope.

Sergeant, will you show me the way?

Make sure I don't get lost.
Yes, sir. Yeah.

Oh, good man.

Good man.

Stephens...

Oh, jackets, yeah.

Sir.

Well...they'll probably be
needing me as well.

Take it easy, old boy.

See you later.
See you later.

This is weird.
It is.

So, Dad, what now?

What now?

I'm going to have my cake and eat it.