09x21 - Edith Gets Fired

[bunniefuu]

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪

♪ Guys like us, we had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls,
and men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need no welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled his weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old
LaSalle ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

EDITH: Oh, no, Mr. Tucker,

I don't want to play
cards now. [GIGGLES]

Miss Critchen, did
you want to see me?

Yes, Mrs. Bunker. I
have a special job for you.

Oh.

MAN: Give me those teeth.
Give me back those teeth!

Come on, Mr. Berkvist.

Those teeth belong
to Mrs. Collins.

This will teach
her not to bite me.

Oh, Mr. Berkvist!

Mrs. Collins had
every right to bite you.

For being nice to her?

Nice?

Nice is crawling
into bed with her?

That's not nice?

Oh, he don't mean nothin'.

He just gets cold.

Come along, Mr. Berkvist.

Let's sit down and
watch television.

That's a good idea.
This took a lot out of me.

Mrs. Bunker, I want you
to stay with Mrs. Dillon.

[GASPS] She's back?

She must be feelin' better.

No, no. I'm afraid the hospital
just couldn't do anything else for her.

Oh, but we mustn't give up hope.

My aunt Elizabeth from
Elizabeth, New Jersey...

That ain't the reason
they called her Elizabeth.

She was very sick...

Mrs. Bunker, is this
going to take long?

Yeah.

Then you'd better
tell me tomorrow.

All right, remind me.

Maybe Mrs. Dillon would
like me to read her a story.

Be sure it's a short one.

Is she that sick?

You better read fast.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, we mustn't make jokes.

If I didn't joke,
Mrs. Bunker, I'd cry.

Well, is there anything special
you want me to do for her?

Give her whatever she asks for.

But if you do need
me, push the buzzer.

Loretta? Look who's
here to see you.

Hi, Loretta.

Hello, Edith.

How nice.

Welcome home. We missed ya.

You know, I had
another heart att*ck.

I know.

You know what those
terrible people did?

No. What?

They kept me alive.

Why don't they just let me go?

Where?

I lived a good life. Why
can't the end be good, too?

I guess it ain't up to us
to decide them things.

God decides?

Yeah.

God decided.

When I was in the hospital,

God said, "Loretta, it's time."

And I saw my
husband Arthur, too.

He waved at me and said,

"Come on, Loretta,
I'm waiting for you."

Really?

He was a good
husband, an unusual man.

Never a harsh word between us.

That is unusual.

I should be with Arthur now.

They shouldn't make
me go through this.

Edith, I can't even go to
the bathroom by myself.

Don't worry about it.

Ain't there something I
can get ya, a glass of water?

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no. Please, sit down.

It's nice to have company.

Nobody comes to see me
anymore, not even my daughter.

Norene is afraid of sickness.

She's always been like that.

But you know that she loves you.

And I love her.

She's not strong.
She never has been.

My Aunt Ethel was like that.

She wouldn't even
boil a cabbage,

because she said when
she dropped it in the pot,

she could hear it scream.

I know what we could do.

We can fix you up, and
then we can call Norene

and tell her you're
feeling better

and tell her to come and see ya.

Maybe tomorrow.

Now I want to rest.

Will you stay with
me if I go to sleep?

Oh, sure.

Can I get you another blanket?

No. Just sit here.

Ain't there somethin'
I can do for ya?

Just hold my hand...

and don't let go.

I want to know why my
mother-in-law is dead,

why something wasn't
done to save her.

When Miss Critchen went
into her room, it was too late.

Why wasn't somebody
watching her?

Oh, I was watchin' her.

And we had a nice
long talk before sh-she...

I told Mrs. Bunker to
stay with Mrs. Dillon,

but to call if she needed me.

Did you go in as
soon she called?

I didn't call.

You didn't call?!

If Mrs. Bunker had
called someone,

it probably wouldn't
have done any good.

Probably?!

"Probably" isn't good enough!

When I get through with you,
this place is gonna be a parking lot.

It's not gonna change anything.

Negligence! What are
you gonna do about it?

We're letting Mrs. Bunker go.

Where?

Your services are
no longer required.

You mean I can't work at
the Sunshine Home no more?

Thank God for that.

But, Mr. Johnson, Mrs. Bunker
can still work in the kitchen,

she can read to the patients,
write letters for them...

No.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Bunker.

You're fired.

Hey, Edith, I'm home.

Are you up in the "terlet?"

No. I'm out here.

Oh, you're out in
the kitchen there.

[SCOFFS]

Uh, Edith...

if there ain't nothin'
on the outside table

and nothin' on the inside table

and there ain't nothin'
cookin' on the stove,

should you really
be sittin' down?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know it was so late.

Sure, it's late. Did
you feed the kid?

She's spendin' the
night at the Blooms'.

Well, I'll set the table.

Who's the long face for, for me?

Mrs. Dillon.

Oh, Mrs. Dillon.

[SIGHS]

What did she do?

She passed away.

Oh, she passed away.

Ah, that's too bad.

Who was she?

She was from the Sunshine Home.

Oh, one of them people.

Well, geez, I mean...

Edith, you gotta expect them
things workin' over there, you know?

I mean, the people
you work with,

they ain't exactly
the Mouseketeers.

I got fired.

What for?

Because Mrs. Dillon passed away,

and I was there with
her when it happened.

Oh, well, now, geez,

Edith, I mean, you know, them
things are to be expected, all right?

I mean, when you're
working with invalids there,

especially a lot of kinda
"decrapit" old people.

Hey, there's a guy named Shorty
McCracken comes in to our bar.

He can tell you all about that.

He does the same
kinda work you do,

but with a men's
hospital, you know, there.

Lots of times, Shorty would
get lost in his thoughts...

and that cost a few lives.

Yeah.

Like one time, he was
turnin' over a mattress, see,

and he forgot to get the
guy that was on it off it.

So the guy hits the tile floor
and curtains. [SNAPS FINGERS]

Then another time he's taking
a phone call from his bookie,

and he forgets a patient
in the whirlpool bath.

So he lost a patient and
$ . [SNAPS FINGERS]

And, you know,
them things happen.

Shorty never felt bad,
so why should you?

Did he get fired?

No, he's still working over
at the Veterans' Hospital.

You know, you can't
fire civil servants.

Well, I never did
none of them things.

No, you never did that.

I'm only tryin' to
explain to you, see?

They want to make
you the fall guy.

What's that?

Tsk, a fall guy...

Well, that's a guy who
takes the rap, you know,

usually for somethin'
that he didn't do.

Hey, you remember that
picture there with John Garfield...

Or maybe it was Jimmy Cagney...

And also in the picture
was Lana Turner...

Or it coulda been Joan...

Joan Crawford. Joan Crawford.

She was in the movie.

Well, the girl, she
gets herself, you know,

in the family way, right?

So now, the older brother...
That's John Garfield, see...

Now, he says that he done it

so's that the younger brother

can go away to the university

and study to be a, uh...

A prize fighter?

Yeah, a prize fighter

who writes the
symphonies for the violin.

So, see, in that case,

uh, the younger brother, see,

he was the guy that
was really in there.

See, he got off the hook.

It's the older brother,
John Garfield,

he took the rap for that.

See, he was the fall guy.

But that ain't fair.

No, that's why at
the end of the picture,

Joan Crawford
walks into the water.

I know it ain't fair, Edith,

but that's life in
these United States.

A lot of them old
people depend on me.

What are they
gonna do without me?

The same thing they
do with you... croak.

I love workin' there, Archie.

I'm gonna miss my old friends.

Especially Mrs. Dillon.

Yeah, but you'd miss her even
if you was still workin' there,

'cause she ain't
there no more, right?

Well, they must have
hauled her away by now.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, God.

- I better go.
- No, it's all right.

I know how you feel.
I'll get it for you, Edith.

Jeez, the doorbell always
rings when you're doin' somethin'.

Just once. I'd love to hear that
damn bell ring when I ain't home.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Okay, okay. Geez,
keep your pants on, huh?

Oh, uh, excuse me there.

I didn't know it was panties.

What I mean is, uh...

Look, lady, whatever
it is you're sellin',

my wife and me, we got that.

No. I'm not selling anything.

I'm Norene Hammer, um,

Mrs. Dillon's daughter.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the
woman with the mother...

until today.

If it's okay, uh, could
I see Mrs. Bunker?

Yeah, yeah. Sure, why not?

Come on in, come on in.

Yeah, that's right.

Take your coat off, you can
throw it on the hook up there.

Oh, I can help you with... Ooh!

I didn't touch nothin', did I?

I'll take it. There.

Uh... [CLEARS THROAT]

Sit down, sure. Yeah.
Make yourself at home.

But not that chair.

There's a wild spring in the middle
of this chair and women never like it.

Try the sofa.

Hey, you know, we all
gotta lose a mother, even me.

It's true.

Take my mother.

All the time I was overseas in
WWII, you know, the big w*r,

my mother was alive and well.

The minute I come
home, she went like that.

Well, I'll call Edith for you.

Hey, Edith, the woman whose
mother d*ed and got you fired

is here to see you.

And, by the way, I want
to thank you for that.

I mean, it was bad for
you, but good for me.

Hello, Mrs. Hammer.

Hello, Mrs. Bunker.

How are ya?

Hmm, okay.

She's okay. She's
fine, she's fine.

Sit down, sit down.

Sit down, sit down.

Ooh, excuse me there.

Go ahead, go ahead. Talk, talk.

Mrs. Bunker...

I want to apologize
to you for what, uh,

Charlie did today.

That's all right.

I guess maybe I was
doin' too much anyway.

Oh, you said it, Edith.

Hey, Mrs. What-do-you-call, my
wife here's got a million things to do.

She's got the raising
of a child on her hands,

which she took on herself.

A helpless human
being, not to mention me.

And then look around.
Well, like the walls, you know.

Walls can always
stand a washin' down.

But I'm gonna miss all my
friends at the Sunshine Home,

especially your mother.

[SIGHS] Yeah.

So will I.

Mrs. Bunker...

This afternoon you, uh,

you said you had a
long talk with my mother?

Yeah.

Could you please
tell me what she said?

She talked about your father,

and she told me what
a good life she had,

and she told me that while
she was havin' her heart att*ck,

she saw your father...

you know, waitin' for her

and wavin'.

Hey, you know,
that's another thing

that was in that picture
with John Garfield.

I was telling my wife, you know.

That waving from beyond...

God, was that sad.

Hey, you know, there was
too many things in that picture.

Mrs. Bunker...

What did my mother say about me?

She said that she loved you

and that she knew
that you loved her.

She really said that?

Yeah.

I've been so ashamed, you know,

because I wanted to visit her,

and I... I... I just
couldn't make myself.

It ain't easy seein'
somebody suffer that you love.

No, it isn't.

Mrs. Bunker...

I want to thank you
for what you did today.

I didn't do nothin'.

Oh, yes, you did, because
you stayed with my mother,

and I couldn't.

I don't know.

Death frightens me.

Oh, hey, you shouldn't
worry about that.

Everybody's scared of death...

until it hits you.

After that, you never
give it another thought.

Thank you, Mr. Bunker.

No thanks required,
Mrs. What-do-you-call.

Good night.

Oh, good night.

Oh, and I want to
apologize to you

for the condition of
that lawn out there.

But, see, we got a
neighbor with a big dog.

He calls her Rusty,

but I always call
her "Rambling Rose,"

if you follow my meaning.

Ah...

You've seen plenty of
lawns in that kinda shape.

[CLEARS THROAT] Mrs. Bunker...

you're a very strong woman,

and I'm very grateful that my
mother had you with her today.

Well, you see that?

You got nothin'
to feel bad about.

There's the woman herself,

she thanked you for what
you done for her mother.

What'd you do?

I did what she asked me to do.

I held her hand...

and I didn't let go.

That's all?

Well, uh...

You mean...

when you seen the woman
was slippin' away there,

you didn't do nothin'?

Edith, listen to me.
Listen to me for a minute.

[CLEARS THROAT] I
want to tell you somethin'.

You know what I think?
I think you done right.

Yes.

I'll tell you why.

The way I look at it, see,

dying is like being
born, you know?

I mean, that's God's business,

and you ain't got no right

to butt into God's business, hm?

So, this time, you minded
your own business for a change.

Now, this woman she
says you got strength.

She's right.

You got a lot of
strength in you.

I only wish when the time comes

that I would have that
same kind of strength

in regards to you.

Or "voice versa," God forbid.

- Oh, thank you, Archie.
- Well.

Uh, what is this?

It's yesterday's meatloaf.

I'm still tasting
yesterday's meatloaf.

[♪♪♪]

All in the Family was
played to a studio audience

for live responses.