04x01 - Partner's Complaint

[bunniefuu]

And we're sitting there, trying to
watch the movie, and this guy next to Tom

just won't shut up So finally, Tom takes
out a ten-dollar bill and says to him

and this guy next to Tom just won't shut up So
finally, Tom takes out a ten-dollar bill and says to him

Hey, buddy, I'll pay for your popcorn if you
promise to sit somewhere else after you get it.

And then he developed a vaccine for polio, and
tricked Rumpelstiltskin into revealing his name.

Oh, come on, you have to admit,
that young Thomas is a clever fellow.

Young Thomas? Is that how they
talk at his preparatory academy?

Hey, I told you, his
parents make him go there.

Gosh, has he tried buying them some popcorn
if they'll let him go somewhere else?

Yo. Hey, Daria.

Yo

Why, young Thomas...
how nice to see you.

Anybody want a ride home?

That's very thoughtful of you, but since
I live two houses down, I guess I'll pass.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'll take that
ride. See you later.

See you later, Daria.

Later

Now listenign "Thursday's
Child" David Bowie

So, what did you do last night?

Oh, you know, not much.

You went out with Tom?

Well... yeah.

You know, you don't have to tiptoe around
me like I'm some sort of hysterical nut job.

There are many words I
could use to describe you.

Hysterical is not among them.

I know what you think,

but I know what I think, and I think I think
just as well as you think, don't you think?

Babe, if it were up to me,

I'd want you to have the brain
power of a guy, but it's science.

Men are smarter, because we have
more muscle mass in our heads.

I'm just as smart as you, maybe smarter.

Okay, sure you are.

Don't you fratronize me!

You think I don't know what that means?

I know what that means!

They're fighting over who's smarter?

There's a battle of the Titans.

I don't know.

You gotta give Brittany
credit for not feeling like

she has to conform to his image of her.

What's that supposed to mean?

Huh?

Are you comparing Kevin
and Brittany to you and me?

There's, like, possible combinations
there, and not a single one of them works.

Kevin should accept
Brittany saying she's smart,

and I should accept you
and this whole Tom worship.

Daria, you're making a big leap here,

and I don't worship Tom or
anyone else. Get over it.

I am.

Class, this will be very exciting.

We're going to set aside our books and
experience some real-life economics:

renting an apartment, applying for a
credit card, opening a retirement account.

Of course, I don't expect you to actually
rent an apartment or what have you.

You'll just go through as much
of the process as you can and

report back on your experiences.

Your assignment tonight is to
pick a project and a partner.

Excuse me, what if we
prefer to work alone?

I'd really rather you
work with someone, Daria.

In the real world,

we rarely make financial decisions without having
to consider someone else's needs and wishes.

Lousy real world.

So, you want to do
the project alone, hmm?

Kind of.

I kind of said that to tick you off.

It worked.

Are you guys doing that
economics project together?

Not necessarily.

It's not looking good.

Really?

Aren't you working with young Mack?

I don't know ... he's
kind of bad with money.

Like, he's been overdrawn on
his allowance for a while now.

How long?

Since third grade.

So, babe, what do you want to
do for our economics project?

I'm not doing any project
with you, you big ape.

Uh-oh.

Oh, yeah? Then who are you
going to do your project with?

Um...

Um, Daria, do you want to
work with me on this project?

Huh?

Don't do me any favors.

Sure, Jodie, why not?

Okay, cool.

Jodie, Mr. Thompson
and I are not speaking,

so do you want to do the
economics project with me?

Aw, gee, Brittany,

I wish I could, but I promised
Daria I'd do it with her.

Oh... well,

um, how about you, Jane?

You want to do a class project with me?

Well, not really, but I mean,
you're right here and all.

h, Brittany, you sweet-talker, you.

I hate everybody.

So, you ready to work?

Come on, Daria.

If you don't like any
of those other projects,

all we're left with is taking out a small-business
loan, renting an apartment, or budgeting a funeral.

Om, that's sweet of you, Russell,

but we just went out two weeks ago,

so I really can't go out with
you again for another three weeks

Well, I consider a
hospital visit a date.

Sorry. Anyway, good luck with
the new kidney and all. Bye.

Is that by any chance
a sibling's funeral

Why don't we try the loan?

I do want to start my own
business after college.

Come on, Mel, give me another sh*t.

We'll have them lining up to
buy methane-powered hot tubs.

Hey, how about this catchphrase:

"So it smells? So what!"

Come on, Mel, they're going
to repossess my parking space!

Yes, let's start a business.

Nothing like being your own boss.

What should we call our company?

"Brink of Bankruptcy, Incorporated?"

How about "Millennium
Project Enterprises"?

No, no, absolutely not!

It's unethical, it's immoral,
it may well be illegal.

I'll have no part of it.

Okay, I'll do it

It's a little busy in here.

.You want to take a
break and get some pizza?

Can I put it on my Millennium
Project Enterprises expense report?

What do you think of this?

We could plan a wedding.
That sounds dreamy.

I guess we could say you're marrying your high-school
sweetheart and I'm just there for moral support.

Oh, no! I'm not marrying that jerk!

No, you're not actually...

We'll tell them my high-school sweetheart
begged and begged me to marry him,

but I finally had enough of all his immature behavior
and went off to the Bahamas to be alone and think,

and I met a wonderful,
young stablehand named Andre,

and the minute we looked into each
others' eyes we knew it had to be,

because anyone who knows that much about
horses would certainly know a lot about women.

You want to go get some pizza?

Okay, so how about we say we want
a home loan to build one of those,

uh, book rooms onto our house, because,
you know, we're a couple of smart guys.

You mean a library?

No, bro, you're thinking of that building
downtown where you can rent movies for free.

Why didn't I pay my
dad back in third grade?

Well, if you don't like the wedding idea,
how about shopping for e-lec-tive surgery?

Too messy. Why don't we just use my
standard approach and pick the easiest?

You like cars?

Sure!

Okay, we're buying a car.

Hey.

Yo.

Good afternoon.

Likewise, I'm sure.

My partner and I were just discussing
our class project for economics.

What an amusing coincidence.

So were my partner and I. We're
going to purchase an automobile.

A coincidence, indeed, for we're going
to purchase an automobile, too... as well.

Well, I suppose we'll see who uses their superior
intelligence to get the better deal, will we not?

Hey, guys.

Hey, what's up?

Hi!

Do you wanna to get a slice?

Okay.

Well, that's nice ... a boyfriend and a girlfriend
getting a slice together out of mutual respect.

I would ask you to sit down, but as you
can see, I'm here with my friend Jane,

who respects my intelligence.

She's embellishing a little.

Well, I don't need to sit with you
because I'll just sit with... hey, Mack

Why don't you sit down with us?

I'm not really hungry.

Se. Weŕe lookking for something
sporty, but I want to stay in a budget

Hmm, where did you say
you go to school again?

Lawndale High.

So, just what exactly is standard
on this car and what costs extra?

Hmm, Lawndale High.

I guess being a cheerleader and all,

you probably like to
date football players.

I used to...

What about the warranty? How
many years does that cover?

Not boring old Wally the car salesman,

who has his choice of any convertible on the lot
to pick you up with in front of all of your friends.

Wow! That sounds fun,

but I'm supposed to as k you
about the sticker price on the car.

Sticker schmicker.

Now, I don't want to spend
a lot of money for this car.

Course not! You should pay what
it's worth, not a penny more.

Exactly!

Because you're obviously a man
who knows what things are worth,

so you can see why this car
is such a bargain at $ , .

Yeah, but his budget is $ ,

For how many years?

Huh?

$ , for how many
years? One, two, five?

Because you spend $ , today for a crappy
car and put two grand of work into it a year.

n three years, you've spend $ , .
You're six grand in the hole.

But you spend grand today for a
nice car with a three-year warranty,

you're spending zero instead
of two large a year on repairs.

You come out at the end of three years
six grand ahead. You see what I'm saying?

Yes, but...

You hang onto that car five years,
you've saved ten grand in repairs.

And since your original budget for the car was ten grand,
well, fellas, it's like you just got yourself a car for free!

Wait a minute.

Yeah, wait a minute.

Does this thing have cup holders?

... and so, Millennium Project Enterprises plans
to empower young people to make their own investment

decisions, so that investing becomes as natural to
them as, say, going out for a fast-food hamburger.

Because we all know how
natural those hamburgers are.

And just exactly what is your role
in the company, Miss Morgendorffer?

Public relations officer.

Daria is the inside person;
I'm the outside person.

Very wise decision.
Well, I'll tell you what

It's a fascinating idea , and
very impressive presentation

But two girls still in high school with no business
experience? You're what we call "high-risk applicants."

I really don't think the bank will give you a loan.
Unless, Daria, you want to ask your father to cosign for it.

I don't think I can do that.
He's already had one heart att*ck.

Oh, well, then... I'm sorry.

What about my father?

What about him? Does he
know anything about business?

He helped me put together this proposal
that you claimed was so impressive.

Your father's not Andrew Landon, is he?

That's him.

The folding coffee cup guy?

Yes, that's my dad.

Well, then, Jodie, you've got
business savvy in your blood.

Why don't I run your plan by
my boss and see what he thinks?

Maybe we can work something out.

Why? You don't give loans to high-risk applicants, unless maybe
you're hoping you'll get a little business from their fathers.

Now, Jodie...

My father's the same high-risk
color that I am, you know.

Well, I guess that makes
me the outside person.

Easy there, speedy.

The nerve of that idiot!

Listening to my business plan and
all my answers to his questions,

then asking if your father
would cosign the loan.

Why? Because you're the right color

At least you called him on it.

All I want is to be judged
on my own merits, you know?

Maybe they won't be so
stupid at the next bank.

Maybe, maybe not.

Hi, girls.

I understand you're looking to
start up a brand-new business.

Tell me all about it.

Yes, we're very excited about our idea,

and we've put together a comprehensive business
plan with the help of my father, Andrew Landon.

Oh! The folding coffee cup guy?

Would you moan my name...

(Deleted of video source) You can listen the music? SSW Announcer
- Would you moan my

name... if I boinked you in heaven? Ghost
hookers in the sky, tonight on Sick, Sad World.

All right,

so then the nice man told us we could have
the car for $ over dealer's cost. And...

Hey, Janey. Hey, Da... ...whoa!

Wally!

Hey, Jane Lane. I was just passing by in a
hot new Vexer and I remembered your address.

But I didn't give it to you.

I... looked it up
before I just passed by.

Anyway, I saw Brittany's old junker
out front there and I said to myself,

"Wally, you can't let that girl
drive around in that death trap.

It'll be on your conscience."

That's my car.

Yeah? Nice. So,

Brittany, you up for a test drive?

"And so, armed with a realistic mission
statement and a detailed three-year business plan,

we managed to secure a start-up
loan and a line of credit

at the second bank we visited.

How does that sound?

Sounds like an "A".

That's what I think.

"After we explained that the whole
thing had only been a school project,

the loan officer shook our
hands and said to be sure and

come see him when we were really
ready to start a business."

And we all tripped off into the
sunset with a happy song on our lips.

Something wrong?

What could be wrong? It was
a triumph for all involved.

So, what's the problem?

What problem?

Your problem.

No problem. It's like you said.

Armed with blah, blah, and blah, we went in and
got a loan strictly on the merits of our work.

Uh-huh. Why don't you tell
me what you think happened?

Okey-doke. What I think happened is:

you went to one bank and a loan officer

dismissed you on the basis of
your youth and possibly your race,

until he found out who your father was,

at which point he
started kissing your butt,

you called him a hypocrite,
and we walked out.

That's right

Only to go into a second
bank where the first words

out of your mouth were
your father's name.

What are you getting at, Daria?

Well, which was more hypocritical:

the first guy's changing his tune
when he found out who your father was,

or you making sure the second guy knew who
your father was before he formed an opinion?

Are you calling me a hypocrite?

No, I'm just saying...

Hey, our assignment was to
get a loan, not save the world.

We were supposed to approach an adult financial
situation like adults and that's exactly what I did.

I used the resources at my disposal
to get the loan ... my dad's name.

And if I happened to depart from your
black-and-white world of ethics ... no pun intended...

None taken.

...and wandered into a
gray area, then too bad.

Maybe the first guy
was a r*cist, maybe not.

Maybe I was right. Maybe I overreacted.

Hey, you wouldn't be working with
me if you weren't fighting with Jane.

Does that make you a r*cist?

Don't be ridiculous.

Don't tell me what's
ethical and what's not.

I approached it like a smart
businessperson and I got the loan.

Fair enough.

Are we done here?

Oh, yeah, we're done.

Good, I'll see you at school.

Hi, Mrs. Morgendorffer.

Hello, Jodie.

So then, the car salesman guy was so sad when
he found out we weren't really buying a car.

He said they had these big
conventions in the Bahamas

where they all talk about the sales they
made and he was hoping to talk about our sale,

and now he couldn't.

Poor guy.

And then he invited me to go to the
convention with him so I could see for myself.

Hey, what's up?

Hey.

Hello, Mack.

Excuse me, Mack,

but would tell these ladies about the
awesome deal I just made for a car?

Go on, tell us, Mack.

Could everyone stop
saying my name like that?

It's creeping me out.

Of course, Ma... um, sure.

Anyway, this dealer wanted to sell us
a brand-new Vexer for the sticker price,

grand, but Kevin
went back by himself,

and by offering the guy cash,
he got him down to $ , .

You did, huh?

That's peculiar.

Jane and I made a deal for
the same car for $ , .

I believe that's several thousand
dollars lower than your arrangement,

if my mathematics hold... or holds.

Oh, yeah? Let's see the paperwork.

What do you mean? I
didn't really buy the car.

Yeah, Kevin, she'd have to be an idiot to think Mrs.
Bennett actually wanted her to go through with the purchase.

I got to get to that car place!

How did your thing with Daria go?

Oh, okay, I guess.

Yeah?

No, I don't want to talk about it.

Talk about what?

Whatever it is you came in to
have a heart to heart about.

I came in to ask you to rinse off your
dishes before you put them in the dishwasher.

Your father found a cheese fry
melted onto his "World's Greatest Dad"

cup and he thought it was some kind
of rodent. Now he's sworn off coffee.

Then I should be hearing from
the Nobel committee any day now.

All right, then, I'll
leave you to your reading.

Don't I seem inordinately
unhappy to you?

I don't want to pry.

Well... I did overhear
your argument with Jodie.

Do you think I'm a rigid, unrealistic, unforgiving
self-righteous jerk who can't hold on to a friend?

She didn't say anything like that.

Daria, you have strong beliefs
and you want to live by them.

That's not a fault or a
character flaw. It's admirable;

it's what makes you who you are.

Jodie didn't think so.

Jodie is a little more
pragmatic than you are.

She didn't appreciate
being criticized for it.

I don't blame her.

And since she's pragmatic, she also knows that the fact that
someone's having a bad day doesn't make them a bad person.

What about someone with a pattern of alienating
people with her self-righteous pronouncements?

People aren't as easily alienated as you
think, Daria. Ask Jane. She'll tell you.

And, in conclusion, this project taught us several valuable
lessons about financial transactions in the real world.

Yeah, like never leave
a cash down payment.

Oh, gosh, oh... don't
let them see me like this.

Um, thank you very much.

Well, that was certainly informative.

Now, let's hear from Jodie and Daria, who went
out seeking a loan to start a new business.

Before visiting banks to apply for a loan, we realized
we would have to have all our numbers in order.

We also tried to anticipate the bankers'
questions and be ready with detailed answers.

Although what actually got us the loan
had little to do with all that preparation.

It was being flexible enough to tailor our approach to what would
make the bank officer feel comfortable about lending us money.

Um, we started by defining internally exactly
what our financial objectives would be...

Hey, Daria... that was nice what
you said in that presentation.

Don't get conceited.

The only reason I changed my mind about what you
did is that I was wrong and I acted like a clod.

That's two reasons.

Rub it in, why don't you?

Listen, I shouldn't have
bitten your head off either.

I'm sorry about that.

Don't worry about it. I was
tired of that head anyway.

See you later?

Later.

Hey.

Hey.

Couldn't help overhearing that
you've been acting like a clod.

Yeah, I'll bet that came as a big shock.

Well, at least she acted stupid,
too, so we both had to apologize.

Yeah. Imagine how bad you'd feel if you'd been behaving like
that towards someone who hadn't even done anything to you

Yeah, just imagine. Listen, Jane, I...

On the other hand, imagine if you had
this really good friend who was having a

really bad week and this friend's been
acting pretty much like a jerk toward you.

Yeah...

But you already know how
badly she feels about it.

You with me?

Um, I think so.

Maybe it's this friend that you don't
get to see as often as you used to,

but you still care just as much about
her and you hate to see her unhappy.

Yeah...

Well, maybe you'd just forgive that friend for
what she did without even asking for an apology,

just to let her know, you know,
that you're still best friends.

That's an interesting
scenario you propose.

Suppose that left your friend, um,
kind of embarrassed and speechless?

Well, then, I'd just tell her that
I'd meet her for pizza after school

give the kid some time
to collect herself.

Sounds like a good idea.

I thought so.

So then, Brittany says to this Wally guy

"Did they have football when
you went to high school?"

This is what I get for
putting down your Tom stories.

Hey, I've still got a bunch
of those you haven't heard.

Let's never, ever fight again, okay?
We shan't let anything mar our love.

Oh, babe, you're so hot.

Oh, Kevvy.

Looks like everything's back to
normal in the land of slow-witted love.

Wally!

Wally? Who's Wally?

Hey, Brittany! Some idiot bought a
car, then returned it the next day.

Now I've got to sell it as used ...
how's you like a new Vexer for half price?

Wow!

Hey, wait! That's my car! You
can't buy it for half price!

Why not? You returned it.

I thought you loved me. What a traitor!

Traitor?! I can't believe you...

Yup... everything's back to normal.