01x11 - Mars University

[bunniefuu]

Good news, everyone.

We've got a very special
delivery today.

Who's it going to?

Me.

Another job well done.

No, I need it shipped
to my office...

at Mars University.

It's a little experiment...

that may well win me
the Nobel Prize.

In what field?

I don't care.

They all pay the same.

Is it dangerous?

On, my, no.

Off we go.

Very impressive.

Back in the th century,
we had no idea...

there was a university on Mars.

Well, in those days,
Mars was...

just a dreary, uninhabitable
wasteland, much like Utah.

But unlike Utah...

it was eventually
made livable...

when the University
was founded in .

They planted traditional
college foliage:

Ivy, trees, hemp.

Soon, the whole planet
was terra-formed.

Does that mean it's
safe to breathe the air?

Of course.

Over here is Wong Library.

It has the largest collection
of literature...

in the western universe.

Hey, look!

There's a chapter
of my old robot fraternity.

Epsilon Rho Rho.

You went to college?

Of course.

I'm a Bender.

I went to Bending College.

I majored in bending.

What was your minor?

Robo-American studies.

Are you here to fumigate
the moose head?

Uh, no.

Actually, I'm an
Epsilon from way back.

Ah, close enough.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Here's your finger back.

All the coolest robots
are in this fraternity.

Mate in moves.

Oh, poo. You win again.

Oh-oh! Nerds.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Gearshift, chapter president.

This is Oily, and
this here is Fat-bot.

You're all losers.

My name's Bender.

Bender from Bending State Bender?

Wow! You're a legend around here.

I heard that in one single night...

you drank a whole keg,
streaked across campus...

and crammed humans
into a phone booth.

Yeah, well, a lot of them
were children.

Anyway, I should get going.

No, Bender, wait.

We're the lamest frat on campus.

Even Hillel has better
parties than us.

Please, you've got to stay...

and teach us how to be cool.

Hmm...

okay, but I'll need
ten kegs of beer...

a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie"

and a regulation
two-story, panty-raid ladder.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

I tell you, being here
really takes me back...

to my college days.

Step right up.

Who wants to learn physics?

Keep your hands
inside the car at all times.

Good old Coney Island College.

Go, Whitefish!

Don't take this the wrong way, Fry...

but you don't seem like
the educated type.

Oh, yeah?

Read it and weep.

I'm a certified college dropout.

Please.

Everyone knows
th century colleges...

were basically expensive
daycare centers.

That's true.

By current academic standards...

you're merely a high school dropout.

What?! That's not fair.

I deserve the same respect
any other college dropout gets.

By God, I'm going to enroll here
at Mars University...

and drop out all over again.

You won't last two weeks.

Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking?

Oh, I don't know.

Professor, what are you
teaching this semester?

Same thing I teach every semester.

"The mathematics
of quantum neutrino fields."

I made up the title so that no
student would dare take it.

"Mathematics of wonton
burrito meals."

I'll be there.

Please, Fry.

I don't know how to teach.

I'm a professor.

See you in class.

This is gonna be great.

Bingo.

Oh, mama.

Oh, yeah.

Someone's been a bad computer.

Get a load of that!

I say...

you've damaged
our servants quarters...

and our servants.

This time, Robot House
has gone too far.

Cheese it!

Hey, huh?

Pretty nice for a single.

Two desks, two chairs,
a couple of beds...

A woodpecker.

I think that's
probably your roommate.

Oh, right, cool.

Come on in, roomie.

What the...

I call top bunk.

- My roommate's a monkey?
- Brilliant deduction.

You're a credit to your species.

Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter.

You know each other?

Guenter is my experiment.

He was the top-secret contents
of this stinking crate.

I'd rather live in a crate...

than share a room with this dork.

So what makes Guenter talk?

Is he genetically engineered?

Oh, please.

That's preposterous
science fiction mumbo jumbo.

Guenter's intelligence
actually lies...

in his electronium hat...

which harnesses the power
of sunspots...

to produce cognitive radiation.

You're wasting your
breath, Professor.

He'll never understand a word of it.

I understood the word "hat."

Please, stop bickering.

I arranged that you be roommates
for a reason...

so I'd only have to remember
one phone number.

Now shake hands and make up.

You want a banana?

I don't eat bananas.

I prefer banana-flavored
energy bars made from tofu.

I don't like you.

This is going to be a cake walk.

Welcome to the history
of the th century.

Look to your left,
then to your right.

Then in nine other directions.

One of the of you
will not pass this class.

Boring.

Let's hear about
Walter Mondale already.

Be forewarned.

The only sure way to get an "A"
in this class...

is to have lived in the th century.

Swish.

You were saying, Mr. Fry?

I'm from the th century.

Go ahead. Ask me anything.

Very well. What device invented
in the th century...

allowed people to view
broadcast programs...

in their own homes?

Oh, I know this.
What do you call it? Lite-brite.

I believe the answer
is the television.

Very good, Mr. Guenter.

Wow.

Smart and cute.

What I love about being
dean of students...

is the peace and quiet
and the respect I receive.

Now what's all this about?

Dean Vernon, the students
from Robot House are here.

Robot House.

Hey, Dean.

Nice looking model.

You keep away from it!

You robots are a disgrace
to this university.

Whenever a fire alarm is pulled...

it's Robot House.

Whenever the campus liquor store
is looted, Robot House.

Whenever a human corpse
is desecrated...

Now, I can explain that.

That's enough out of you.

From this day forth...

Robot House is on dodeca-tuple
secret probation.

- No fair!
- My mom is going to k*ll me.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

I have to get back to the one
thing that's kept me sane...

these past eight years,
my model ship.

Fat-bot, no!

When I get nervous, I get hungry.

Cheese it!

Robot House!

So, Chrissy, we seem
to be hitting it off.

If you're not doing anything later...

might I escort you to a kegger?

Not even if you were
the last man on Mars.

Hey, you like bananas?

I got her number.

How do you like them bananas?

Ooh!

And therefore,
by process of elimination...

the electron must
taste like grape-ade.

Sorry. I overslept.

Until : P.M?

It's that obnoxious monkey.

He kept me up all night
with his constant thinking.

Just thinking and thinking.

He's trying to make me
look like an idiot.

Don't be jealous.

Without his special hat...

Guenter might be no more
intelligent than you.

Oh! I hate that rodent.

Fry, that monkey is my
most important experiment.

If you two don't stop fighting...

I'll have you both neutered.

That'll show him.

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to
meet my parents, Leo and Inez.

Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

I'm so glad we could admit Amy...

in exchange
for your generous contribution.

How much more for Phi Beta Kappa?

How much you got?

Sorry I'm late.

I was off at a study session...

with Chrissy.

Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter...

because in honor of
parents weekend...

I have a special surprise for you.

Mom! Dad!

What are you doing here?

This is so humiliating.

Now, these monkeys I like.

What's that?

You want to come out?

No! Stop!

I say.

What's that they're flinging at us?

Oh, dear Lord.

All over the dean.

Hey, uh, Guenter,
why don't you get up...

on the chandelier
with your parents...

and I'll take a picture.

Well, looks like
this party's winding down.

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana...

and get Fat-bot some action.

It's my first time.

I'm really nervous.

Robot House!

What you did
to Guenter was cruel.

At the risk of sounding
like an after-school special...

I think we learned
who the real animal was today.

You mean peer pressure?

Look out.

He's got a g*n!

Leave me alone.

Hey, what's going on?

I thought you didn't like bananas.

Of course I do.

I try so hard to fit in...

but seeing my parents
act like that...

made me realize
I'm just a primitive beast.

Hey, hey, cheer up.

Not everyone turns out
like their parents.

I mean, look at me.

My folks were honest,
hard-working people.

Besides, Guenter, you're
not like other monkeys.

You've got the hat.

So what? I mean, sure, it looks
cool and it makes me smart...

but it doesn't make me happy.

That's so sad.

I didn't even know monkeys could cry.

They can't. It's all the hat.

Look, Guenter...

if you're so miserable here...

maybe you should just
go back to the jungle.

The jungle...

but I couldn't do that
to the professor.

I'm his prize experiment...

and he's like a father to me.

But he's not your father.

That guy in the punch bowl
was your father.

Look at him.

I'm so proud.

Thanks, Professor.

Not you.

Oh, I always feared he might
run off like this.

Why? Why?

Why didn't I break his legs?!

Oh, poor Guenter.

So he just ran away
in the middle of the exam?

I'm afraid so.

All he handed in was a paper
smeared with feces.

He tied with Fry.

I guess he realized I was right...

when I told him to go
back to the jungle.

You what?! After I spent months...

slaving over a hot monkey brain?

Hey, don't blame me.

You tried to force Guenter
to be a human...

but he's an animal.

He belongs in the wild...
or in the circus...

on one of those tiny tricycles.

Now that's entertainment.

But Guenter's obviously...

better off being intelligent.

Tell him, Leela.

Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this.

Now, here's my opinion.

What we should do is...

What?!

I said... we'll go to the jungle...

and let Guenter decide
once and for all.

What?!

You all know the rules.

Whichever house wins the regatta...

becomes head of the Greek Council...

and should that house...

currently be on any type of
multiple secret probation...

it will be lifted...

and I will be forced
to serve as grand marshal...

of a parade honoring them.

I say, Robot House.

Your watercraft is as ill-designed
as you yourselves.

Good one, Chet.

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Well, I never.

Fraternities... on your marks.

Hey.

Wow, the jungles on Mars look...

just like the jungles on earth.

Jungles on earth?

I see some movement up there.

I think it's him.

Stand back.

Oops.

Don't worry, they'll be fine...

once the tranquilizer wears off.

There's our man.

Professor, you'll offer
Guenter the hat, and Fry...

you'll offer him the banana.

We'll let him choose whether
he wants to be intelligent...

or just a mindless animal.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat.

No, the banana, the banana.

Consider the philosophical
and metaphysical...

ramifications of the...

banana, banana, banana.

Wait. What's that sound?

Hey, Bender, are you sure
this is a shortcut?

Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

And the winner is...

Robot House?!

Whoa... whoa... whoa!

No!

Help!

Thank God this log is sturdy.

Put on the hat, Guenter.

You're the only one who can save us.

Stupid monkey.

- No!
- Not there.

Keep trying.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head.

It's all so obvious now.

Help us, Guenter!

Oh, my goodness.

Hang on! I need to do
some calculations!

The decimal goes...

carry the seven... got it!

Grab on!

We're saved!

Appreciate it, Guenter.

Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine!

You can still save yourself!

Why bother?

I've got nothing to live for.

I was miserable as a genius...

and as a monkey, I was so dumb...

I tried to wear a hat on my butt.

There's just no place
for me in this world.

Although, on the other hand...

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey.

Well, let's go gather him up.

There's no sense
letting him go to waste.

Guenter! You're alive.

I guess the hat must
have broke my fall.

It seems to be working
at only half capacity...

but I can fix it.

No, wait! I like it like this.

I actually feel sort of... happy.

But what about
your super intelligence?

When I had that, there was
too much pressure to use it.

All I want out of life is to be...

a monkey of moderate
intelligence who wears a suit.

That's why I've decided to
transfer to business school.

No!!

Come on, everyone!

Big party at Robot House!

- ♪ You know you make me wanna ♪
- ♪ Shout ♪

- ♪ Kick my heels up and ♪
- ♪ Shout ♪

- ♪ Throw my hands up and ♪
- ♪ Shout ♪

- ♪ Throw my head back and ♪
- ♪ Shout ♪

♪ Come on, now ♪

♪ Don't forget to say you will ♪

♪ Don't forget to say,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Say you will ♪

♪ Say it right now, baby ♪

♪ Say you will ♪

♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ Say you will ♪

♪ Say that you... ♪

♪ Say you will ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Say that you love me ♪

♪ Say that you need me ♪

♪ Say that you want me ♪

♪ You want to please me ♪

♪ Come on, now... ♪