07x18 - The Inhuman Torch

[bunniefuu]

♪ Two... two, three... ♪

7x18
The Inhuman Torch

They said it couldn't
be done, Kif,

but here we are, stealing an
unlimited supply of birthday grade helium

- from the unsuspected moon.
- Sun.

At night it's called the moon.

Oh... all this heat
has rendered me parch-ed.

Which of this doo-whackies
dispenses horchata?

Stop! That's the force field
holding the mine open!





Mine collapse!
Mine collapse!

So? Mine collapse, too.

15 miners are now confirmed
trapped in the sun.

If rescue doesn't come soon,

they may never again
not see the light of day.

Linda?

The situation is grim, Morbo.

Officials concede that
any attempt at rescue

would be an agonizing
su1c1de mission.

Good news, everyone!

When the mine caved in,

the entrance was blocked
by a fusion expl*si*n.

Luckily, the miners
found safe haven here

in the doom chamber.

To rescue them, you'll simply
have to fly to the sun

and march in through
an inferno of molten plasma.

But solar plasma is,
like, 10,000 degrees hot.

Won't that sear
our tender flesh,

sealing in the juices?

Oh, nonsense.

You clearly weren't
paying attention

to what I'm about to say.

To the sub-basement!

You see, you'll be protected
by my fermion barrier

heat-exclusion spray.

Watch as I demonstrate
by coating

some highly delicate matter,
and dunking it

into this molten lava.

Guess what.
Hell is real.

Oh, good, it works.

Toodle-oo!

Prepare for action.

Aye-aye.

Attention, helium miners.

Can you hear me?

For God's sake, help us!

We're in agonizing pain!

Stop laughing.

Help is on the way!

In the meantime, you should sing
a song to keep your spirits up.

How about "Camptown Races"?

♪ Camptown
ladies, sing this song ♪

♪ Doo dah, doo dah ♪

Let's do this.

I'll stay here and be
in charge of not dying.

Razzma flazzma plasma.

We must be close;
we're hitting an occasional

helium pocket.

We don't have much time!

Keep moving forward!

Screw that! I'm
getting out of here.

Just one more fire between me
and a well-earned nap.

Whoa...!

What a dramatic scene, Linda.

The heroic robot, with
no concern for his own safety,

has bravely charged
back into the mine.

What else is on?

P.U.! It is ripe in here.

Well, so long, jerks.

We're now in minute five of
our round-the-clock coverage

as we await the return
of the courageous robot.

Ooh.

What the...?

How'd that get in there?

Thank you.
Thank you, sir.

You're a true hero.

I am?

Huh, I always strongly suspected
I was one of those.

One man is safe.

But who will the robot pull next
from the fiery hole of mystery?

An actress?
A celebrity chef?

Stay tuned for the
next 14 rescues.

14?

And that's the final miner!

They all made it!

Morbo is not weeping.

He has a... a parasite
in his eye.

Whoo! I'm the greatest!

_

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're here today
to pay tribute to the heroic

Planet Express crew!

But we only have the one medal.

So please direct all your
admiration to the main guy--

Bender!

Now, you two step aside.

Hey, being a hero's all right.

Look at all this free stuff.

Oh, my God, you guys, fire!

Fire!

My baby's in that podium!

Somebody call
the fire department!

There is no fire department.

I sold it to pay for
Bender's medal.

Hold this, your highness.

You'll need to award it
to me again in a minute.

These boys must have
hero in their bones.

And you, ma'am, must have
heroine in your veins.

I hereby decree

Planet Express to be
our city's new fire department!

Bite my shiny metal axe!

And you, give me back my medal.

_

Friends, look at
these new poles.

Get ready
for one sexy firehouse.

Zoidberg, quit turning us on
and go polish your nozzle.

Yo! Hero in the house.

I just got back
from my daily medal strut.

What's that?
Did they pick a new Pope?

Good news, everyone!

Someone's home is on fire.

_

_

_

_

_

I'm exhausted.

All this firefighting
is m*rder on my feet.

There has been quite
a rash of fires lately.

First at the podium
where Bender got his medal.

Then that house next door to
Bender's favorite strip club.

Robot Hell had a fire, too.

Right after Bender was there
for a workshop.

And don't forget
that vampire bank

where the robot keeps his hero
medals in a safe deposit box.

Hmm. I think I'm noticing
a pattern.

My God, you're right!

The locations form
a perfect shape of some kind.

No! Bender was at every one

of those places
right before the fire started.

Sweet pyro of Cairo!
That's true!

Could Bender be setting these
fires just so he can be a hero?

- Oh, I don't know. - Possible, feasible.
- I don't know.

- Seems like maybe. - Who knows?
- Maybe I do.

Yeah, probably.

How dare you murmur
about Bender like that!

He would never burn something
down to get attention.

For insurance money? Yes.

Revenge? You bet.

To give an autumn night
that crisp chestnutty smell?

Absolutely.

But not for fame,
women or thrills.

Hey, guys, it's me, Bender.

The famous, sexy,
thrilling hero.

So now that we're a firehouse,

we should make
some firehouse chili.

What do you want in that,
beans or just blood?

Oh, no! Surprisingly,
a fire has broken out

at the meat market where I am!

We'll be there right away.

Yeah, don't trouble yourselves.

This is just a one-hero fire.

_

Mr. Bender!
Over here, over here!

Small quote from
you, Mr. Bender.

Scoop Chang,
New New York Magazine,

Kosher Recipes Editor,
iPad Edition.

Ma'am, what happened in there?

Well, I was shoplifting
a lamp chop

when suddenly fire erupted
from the liver tray.

Next thing I knew,
I was carried to safety

by this strapping
young whatchacallit.

Hero.

- Hero.
- Aw, stop.

Keep going.

We know what you've
been doing, Bender.

You've been setting
all those fires

because you're addicted
to glory.

What?! The very idea!

Don't try to deny it!

You're out of the squad!

Out of the squad?

I am the squad!

You believe me, don't you, Fry?

I don't know, Bender.

You got to admit, the pattern
of fires is suspicious,

being a perfect shape and all.

We can't have an arsonist
in our midst.

We can have four idiots and
a fat guy, but no arsonists.

Now clean out your
locker and b*at it!

They can't do this to me,
Bender, a well-known hero.

I'm the world's
greatest firefighter!

Fire!

What the...?

What kind of crazy fire is this?

Greetings, Bender.

Thank you for transporting me

from the sun to your helpless,
flammable planet.

How could a fire learn to talk?

Did you burn up a dictionary?

Or a parrot?

I am a being
of pure solar energy.

My race inhabits
the nuclear inferno

of the sun's photosphere.

You're a chatty little fire,
aren't ya?

A billion years ago,
I attempted to overthrow

the democratically elected
alderman from my district.

But I was captured
and imprisoned.

Fools!

Then you arrived and provided me
a means of escape.

Get to the point,
Flame-O.

If I can't rule the sun,

I shall ignite your planet
and rule here instead.

So you set all those fires.

You framed me!

You're huffin'
for a snuffin', boy!

Foolish robot.

No power on Earth
can extinguish me!

Oh, yeah?

Let's see how you stand up
to pure grain alcohol!

Hello.

What's this flaming pool?

You mean the company lava pit

that goes all the way
to the Earth's fiery core?

Uh, I don't know.

The core?

This is too easy.

Once I make my way there,
your planet will go micro-nova

and become a miniature sun,
with me as its Supreme Alderman.

Oh, no, you probably don't!

Gotcha.

If I can't extinguish you,

I'll take you
where there's nothing flammable,

so you can't do any more harm.

_

Turn back, Bender!

Turn back or else!

Or else what?

Oh, or else that.

Nice try, flame bag, but now
you're trapped here with me

for the next billion years.

I've saved the entire world!

And no one will ever know.

Uh, yes, hi.

I'm from the vampire
bank that b*rned down.

I have what remains
of the contents

of a safe deposit box belonging
to a Bender B. Rodriguez.

Ah, thank you.

Bender's medal.

It melted in the fire.

Wait a second.

You can't
keep me here forever.

Sooner or later, a polar
bear will happen by.

A nice, flammable polar bear.

Polar bears don't burn.

I've tried many times.

Huh?

Bender!

Fry? How'd you find me?

I used the "Find My Robot" app.

Neat. What
was it, 99 cents?

No, free. But it's
got ads on it.

That seems fair.

Look, Bender, I'm sorry
for doubting you.

I realize now that
you're a true hero,

not a glory seeking arsonist.

How'd you figure it out?

Your burnt-up medal.

I know you would
never set a fire

that would endanger
your own valuables.

Of course not.

It was a psychotic
flame creature from the sun

who set those fires.

Flame creature?

That's right.

Fry, meet Flame-O.

That's not a flame creature.

It's your pilot light.

No. It's a fire monster
from outer space,

and I'm heroically saving
the world by trapping him here.

So it was you.

You're so desperate for glory,

you made up this
whole crazy story.

Here's your
medal, "hero."

Stupid Bender.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

_

There, finished.

Man, I'm good at this,
eh, Flame-O?

Yo, Flame-O.

So, where's the fire this time?

- Here.
- Where?

Here!

Literally, here!

It's like the flame
has a mind of its own!

It's deaky!

Freaky deaky!

This fire's unstoppable!

Thank God
we all got out of there.

Someone save me!

I made a rope from my clothes,

but then this fire started.

Raise the main ladder!

Don't lose hope, Fry!

What kind of coffin
do you want?!

Bender?

I should have known
you started this fire.

Just another chance
to be a hero.

Well, you're not saving me.

Not this time.

I don't have time
for this shazbot.

You're getting heroed,
whether you like it or...

If you're done saving me from
the fire monster from the sun,

I'll be on my way.

_

I guess some grown men
just don't like being carried.

Thank you, Bender.

You brought me
right to the lava pit.

And another thing.

If someone gives you
a nice medal,

you should be responsible enough
to care for it.

- Fry?
- Yeah?

Shut up!

I got to do hero stuff.

All the lava in the world
won't wash away your lies.

We are the Mystic Aldermen
of the Sun.

Okay.

Stand back, please.

Okay.

Unhand me!

Thank you for your heroism,
Earth Robot.

You have saved your planet

from becoming a
lifeless ball of fire.

You are now the greatest hero
in Earth's history.

Yes!

Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Good-bye forever.

No! I won't go back!
I won't...

Holy crap!

All your crazy stories
were true!

You saved the entire Earth!

Yes. Yes, I did.

But no one will
ever believe me.

Yes. They will.

I'll vouch for you.

No.

They won't believe you either.

If you even tell anyone
I was here,

they'll say I set the fire.

So, please, for me, cram it?

No! The world
has to know that...

Fry? Are you down here?

He's all right!

Praise Gilgamesh!

So you started the fire?

I'm afraid so.

Bender was
thousands of miles away.

I guess a welding torch
is no way to catch a rat.

This is coming out of your pay!

Well, I'm back.

What'd I miss?

Looks like the building
b*rned down.

Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Fry did it?!

Ow!

You're a horrible person!

And your carelessness nearly
cost the life of my best friend.

You.