02x05 - The Biggest Fan

[bunniefuu]

Grr!

I still can't believe they asked
you to speak at Career Day.

Why didn't they ask you to speak
at Snide Comment Day?

Great to be here at...
Career Day? Ugh!

Being a comedian is great!

I get to travel
all over the island,

rub elbows
with the cultural élite,

and get my face on lunch boxes.

Of course,
I haven't seen a dime on them.

Remember kids,
don't negotiate your own deals.

Have you considered a career
in the postal arts?

My advice for Career Day
is "Don't work at all".

Simply descend from a long line
of wealthy aristocrats.

I'm surprised more of you
peasants don't try it.

He had us cornered.
All hope was lost.

That's when I leapt off the wall
with a flip,

drop-kicked his robot minions,

and spin-dashed Eggman's
Bash-O-Bot.

(Cheering)

Oh, boy!
There he is, Sonic the Hedgehog!

Aren't you a bit old
for Career Day?

I'm not a student.
I just wanted to meet you.

Mark the Tapir.
Hi. I'm your biggest fan.

- OK, that's enough handshaking.
- (Nervous laugh) Yeah. Right.

Sorry. Hey, seeing that
your hand is now free,

- can I get your autograph?
- Sure. Got any paper?

Ugh! You forgot the paper.
Stupid! Stupid!

It's OK, really.
Maybe next time.

Yeah, "next time".
I'll see ya real soon, Sonic.

What?

Told you I'd see ya real soon.
Isn't that funny?

Hey, wanna sit with me?

Um... I was gonna
sit with my buds.

I totally understand.

(Loud scraping noise)

g*ng, this is Mark the Tapir,
my biggest fan.

Mark, this is the g*ng.

I can't believe I'm having lunch
with Sonic the Hedgehog.

We even ordered
the exact same meal,

chili dog, fries,
and a grape soda.

- I got an orange soda.
- This is all wrong!

Your friend's a little...
intense.

It's clear he has
an unhealthy attachment to you.

- And you should know.
- Grr!

Because you took
that psychology class.

He's just a fan.
I've got dozens of 'em.

Though he's the first one
who doesn't criticise all I do.

Huh! If anyone deserves a fan,
it's me.

Look at this!

Orange soda.

(Plates break)

Just like you, Sonic.

Actually,
we just finished eating.

Oh, yeah, me too, me too.

Great having lunch with you.
Maybe next time

I can bake you a pie
at my cabin.

Door's always open.
Except when it's locked.

Then nobody gets in... or out.

Well, bye!

See? Nice guy.

Man, this line's taking forever.

Oh, hey, Sonic!
Why are you standing in line?

You're way too important
to waste your time

waiting alongside
the, ahem, unwashed masses.

- (They gasp)
- You need a personal assistant.

I can take care of
all the mundane grunt work,

leaving you free to do the kind
of heroic stuff heroes do.

OK. You're hired!
First order of business,

you mundanely stand in line

while I heroically
get a chili dog.

Outta the way!
Package from someone who matters

coming through!

I'd like to mail this package.
It's for Sonic. The Hedgehog.

I'm his personal assistant.

You'll have to buy
one more stamp.

This is my first job for him
and I messed it up.

- I mess everything up!
- Hey, Mark!

He's coming.
Pretend nothing's wrong.

- Nothing is wrong.
- Nice try.

But you need to be
much more convincing.

- Did you mail the package?
- Sonic! Uh... a little snafu.

Your package needs
another stamp.

No prob. I'll go eat my chili
dog. You finish up here.

Phew! That was close.

- All taken care of, boss!
- Mark,

I got a feeling it's the start
of a wonderful assistantship.

That is so you.

It's almost done.
I just gotta finish the arms.

OK, you got this champ.

Just need to replenish
those electrolytes.

What about me?
Do I get electrolytes?

I should have electrolytes.

Now, as for strategy, might I
suggest an inverted spin dash,

and focus your att*cks
on his vulnerable hamstrings.

Nice.

Gah!

My vulnerable hamstrings!

- Great job!
- Any time.

BOTH: Ha, ha! Yeah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, you sir,
are an artist with your elbow.

Hey, Sonic,
we got tickets to see

Captain Garbage III -
Secret of the Garbage.

- Wanna come with?
- It's meant to answer

all the questions
from Captain Garbage II.

Finally! I'm in!

Wait! I'm supposed to interview
you tonight for your memoirs.

- We'll do it another time.
- But, but,

we should at least
finalise the cover!

They can go on ahead. I'll give
you a lift after we're done.

I'll meet you at the theatre.

We've been spending
a lot of time together.

- Take the rest of the day off.
- No way.

I want to spend
all my time with you!

And I know just how to do it.

(Screaming)

(Groaning)

We were in a terrible accident
that wasn't intentional

because it was an accident.

I'm nursing you back to health.
Open up.

Choo choo!
Here comes the spoon of soup.

- Shouldn't I see a doctor?
- Oh, aren't we cross today?

Maybe some pie will sweeten
your mood. Choo choo!

Here comes the pie.

(Sniffs) Who'd have thought the
secret of the garbage was love?

I can't believe Sonic missed it.

And he's not answering.
Maybe Mark knows where he is.

Let's act out
my Sonic fan fiction.

I'll pick something
family friendly.

No, not that one.
Oh, definitely not that one.

Oh, here we go!
I'll play the role of Sonic.

- You can be Tails.
- (Groans)

Uh, wouldn't it make more sense
if I was Sonic?

Quiet, Tails!
Ahem. Look it's Eggman.

I shall sunder his evil plans
with swift alacrity!

- I'd never say that.
- No, you wouldn't, Tails.

- (Ding)
- Ooh, my pies are done.

- What was that?
- No, no, no, no.

The last picture
always faces northeast.

This is facing north northeast.
You tried to escape!

Escape? No, no, no.

I was searching for more
of that fan fiction of yours.

- Ooh! SonAmy. Spicy!
- I don't really care for that,

but it seems to be obligatory
in the genre.

Well, time for more pie.
But since you've been naughty,

you'll have to eat it off of one
of my collectable plates.

But collectable plates
aren't food safe!

They're aren't food safe!

Are you sure
this is Mark's place?

I don't know. Call it a hunch.

- Do you know where Sonic is?
- Hmm. Sonic, Sonic, Sonic...

Uh, blue guy, runs fast?
Nope. Haven't seen him.

(Muffled yells)

That's my Sonic Muffled Scream
oven timer! Gotta go!

We gotta get into that cabin.

- What's going on?
- Quiet, Tails!

You were all injured by
a cleverly designed booby trap

that I had nothing to do with.

But don't worry, I'm here
to take care of you now.

- (Ding)
- Ooh, more pie

for my new friends.

Sorry for not trusting you about
him. We need to take him out.

But we're all injured
and stuck in these body casts.

True, but there's only
one of him and four of us.

You're going down, Mark.

Whoa!

Oh, no! My fragile, broken...

Wait a minute. My legs are fine!
Oh, come on!

You always overdo it
with the sports tape.

I can't believe I'm being
defeated by Sonic the Hedgehog.

This is the greatest day
of my life!

Mark, if it's not already clear,
you're fired.

- Man, that was a nightmare.
- At least I learned

to keep a healthy relationship
with my fans.

Can I have your autograph,
mister?

(Screams)

(Laughter)