04x07 - Christmas Hero

[bunniefuu]

Well, I'm done.

Three?

You're only sending
three Christmas cards?

- Yep.
- Are you sending me one?

Nope.

Betty, these cards
are a waste of time and money.

Oh, really, Scrooge Warnimont?

I disagree.

I'm sending cards
to all of my friends.

But why are you sending
Halloween cards?

What?

What are you talkin' about?

Look at that scary
horrible-looking monster.

That's me dressed like an elf.

Maybe you should make a note
on the card

so that people will know.

Keep it up and you'll hail
in the New Year with crutches.

Girls, try not to wreck
the place.

Christmas is expensive enough.

This will be our last batch.

Great. I'm full.

I wish you'd quit eating them.

I can't help it.

We've been making cookies
for two hours.

We've only got...

Three?

Cherie, where are all those
cookies we made?

They were delicious.

You pig.

I am not a pig.

I'm a growing girl
with a healthy cookie appetite.

You're a pig.

Brandon, stop eating
that gingerbread mailman.

You're both pigs.

She doesn't mean it.

So, Punky, what are you getting
Henry for Christmas?

I wanna get him a pocket watch.

Better be a thin one.

Grandma says he's got
the tightest pockets in town.

What are you getting
your grandma for Christmas?

Oh, I've been saving all year.

We were watching
this Jacques Cousteau special

and grandma said
she'd love to be underwater

with that Frenchman.

So I bought her a scuba outfit!

Great idea. She'll look terrific
in a wetsuit.

I think so.

Come on, Cherie.
It's time for dinner.

Great. I'm starved.

Oh, look at this kitchen.
It's a total mess.

Don't worry.
Brandon will lick it clean.

Henry, I have a hyperdermical
question for you.

- Hypothetical.
- That's what I said.

Say, this kid wants to buy
her father a Christmas present

that's kind of expensive.

Hyperdermically speaking,
how much money do you think

her father might be willing to
give her towards this present?

Hyperdermically speaking, $ .

Well, what if
that wasn't enough?

That is all
this fictitious father

wishes to spend
on his own present.

Remember, it's not the amount,
it's the thought.

I know, but I've given it
a lot of thought

and bucks
won't hack it, Hank.

Make it hack.

Have you prepared your little,
old Christmas list?

Actually...

I just check-marked a few things
in this catalog.

FAO Schwarz?

I color-coded the things I want.

Yellow for definitely need,
green for absolutely must have

and red for I'll die without.

FAO Schnauzer?

Hi, boys.

Oh, wow.

It's cold enough out there
to freeze the jingle bells

off a reindeer.

I've got it!

I know how I'll get the money
for Henry's Christmas present.

How?

The same way
these guys get money.

We'll ask for donations.

Now I can't exactly ask
for myself, so you ask for me.

Punky, this will never work.

Sure, it will.

Now you give 'em a good pitch

and I'll stand next to you
looking real pathetic.

Um, excuse me, Santas?

I'm collecting money
for the, uh, the...

Poor Punky Christmas pot.

Would you, uh, care
to make a donation?

No.

But I'm collecting money
for the Salvation Army.

Oh.

Then here's a dollar.

What's the matter with you?

Hey, it takes a lot of money
to run an army.

Girls.

Girls, what are you doing?

- Collecting money.
- Oh, what's the cause?

'Cause I don't have enough.

Enough for what?

To buy a very special
Christmas present

for the best father
who ever drew breath.

Aww. Aww, that's sweet.

Now knock it off.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Happy handsome.

Uh, uh... I mean, holiday.

- What can I get you?
- Anything with chocolate.

- How about a chocolate soda?
- Perfect.

Comin' right up.

Ha, Officer Bob!

- How nice to see you.
- Thanks, Henry.

You know, I can't resist
the best onion rings in town.

Punky, throw in some rings
for Officer Bob.

Well, what's new
in the neighborhood?

Plenty. Somebody robbed

Horatio Lake's
home safe this morning.

No kidding.

Yup. The perpetrator
got past the dogs,

opened the safe
and put all the valuables

in H.L.'s
grey snakeskin briefcase

and then slithered away.

One chocolate soda
and your check.

So, Henry,
keep your eyeballs peeled

for a grey snakeskin briefcase.

Now I know you're not blessed

with my highly developed
gift of observation,

but if it should turn up under
your nose, give me a buzz.

I'll do that, Officer Bob.

And I sure do hope
you'll catch the thief.

Oh, we'll nail him.

And when we do, he won't see
the light of day for years.

What was taken?

A carat diamond pinkie ring,
a pearl necklace

and $ , in cash.

Well, I can't tell you
how much safer we all feel

knowing that a man of your
superior perceptual skills

and experience is safeguarding
our homes and businesses.

Huh?

-Adam- , come in.

Oh! -Adam- here.
What's up?

We have a in progress.

Oh, I'm sorry, Henry.
Chicago needs me.

No problem.

- Uh, what's a ?
- Domestic disturbance.

What's the address?

Westmont Avenue.

That's my house.

Right. Your wife and
your mother are at it again.

Let's pray
I don't have to use this.

Punky,
turn over the closed sign.

- So what's your next plan?
- I don't have one.

I guess I should just forget

about getting Henry
that pocket watch.

Hey, look.
That boy left his briefcase.

I'll put it behind the counter.

Yeah, he'll be back for it.

Uh, let's face it.

I'll never be able
to afford a watch.

Maybe there's a name
inside this thing.

For me to get that watch now,
it would take a miracle.

Thank you.

Brandon, what am I gonna do?

This is the worst dilemma
I've ever been in.

On one hand,
this money doesn't belong to me.

But on the other hand...

look at that sucker sparkle.

Stop looking at me that way.

Wouldn't you say if a person
asked for a miracle and got one,

that person should
just accept it?

You're right.

It's not my money
so there's no way I can keep it.

But I did find the money

so couldn't we just call it
finders keepers?

You're right.
It's more like stealers keepers.

Okay, I'll give it back.

You're the world's only
conscience with a wet nose.

Punky!

Uh, I'm in the living room,
Henry.

Punky, it's almost : a.m.

What are you doing up?

I couldn't sleep.
I have a lot on my mind.

Oh.

You want to talk about it?

I found a briefcase
in the restaurant?

Could it be the one
I'm sitting on?

Yup. It's snakeskin and it's got
the initials H.L. on it.

And you'll never guess
what's inside.

A carat diamond pinkie ring,
a pearl necklace

and $ , in cash.

Wow. I've heard about eyes in
the back of your head, but...

Officer Bob told me
about the briefcase.

It was stolen from Horatio Lake.

This was in a lake?
It's not even soggy.

Horatio Lake is one
of the richest men in Chicago.

Punky, did you happen to see

who brought this
into the restaurant?

Yeah, it was a hot-lookin'
little chocolate junkie.

First thing tomorrow,
I'll call Officer Bob.

He'll probably want to get
a statement from you.

Henry, you said
Mr. Lake was real rich

and we hardly have
any money at all.

Do we absolutely have to return
, in cash?

Yes.

Okay.

So, Jerry, I'm sorry we haven't
had much time to visit

over your Christmas vacation,
but as you know...

Time is money.

That's right.
Like father, like son.

So how was boarding school?

Well, if you really wanna
know...

Excuse me. Yeah.

No, sell.

Bye. No!

Sell!

I'm sorry. Where were we?

You were asking me
about boarding school.

Oh, right.
So you're happy there?

- I guess.
- Well, that's good.

You're getting the best
education money can buy.

Listen, dad...

Hello? Yeah.

Oh, Rivers! Lake here.

Um, tell me,

what is wrong
with our soft drink division

in the Middle East?

It's hot and dusty over there.

Those people should be thirsty.

Simple solution. Change the name
to Ayatollah Cola.

Right.

Jerry, did you remember to make
out your Christmas list?

- Yeah.
- Good.

I'll give it to the butler.

He'll get you
everything you want.

Thanks, dad.

Excuse me. Yeah?

Sir, Pukey Brunster has arrived.

That's Punky Brewster.

Show her in.

Do you believe that? Some little
girl found my briefcase.

Oh, really?
Uh, that's great, dad.

I'll, uh, see you at dinner.

Oh, I'm sorry, son.
Not tonight.

I got an important
business meeting.

- Mr. Lake?
- That's me.

My father says
you're a great man.

Oh, thank you.

Does that make you
one the great lakes?

- Get it?
- That's cute.

Does this look familiar, sir?

Oh, yes. It sure does.

This is mine.

- Thank you for returning it.
- You're welcome.

It's all part
of the Christmas spirit.

After all,
'tis the season to give

and give and give and give!

Yes, giving is so rewarding.

Hmm, that reminds me.

I guess a reward
would be in order.

Normally I wouldn't ask,

but I wanna buy my father
a pocket watch for Christmas

and every little bit helps.

Of course,
one big bit would do it.

Alright.

Here you go.

Five dollars?

Gee, thanks.

That's not all.

- No?
- Oh, no.

One yummy holiday eggnog
coming your way.

I'll arrange it.

Thanks.

Great. Five whole dollars.

Now I can buy that summer home.

- Hey!
- Aah!

I know you.

You left the briefcase
at Punky's Place.

- You're the thief.
- Quiet.

My father will hear you.

You're stealing
from your own father? Why?

I'll tell you why.
First, I need a Kiss.

What?

Chocolate Kiss.

So that's when
I took the briefcase.

So I guess it's up to you.

If you wanna rat on me and ruin
my life, I can't stop you.

Ah, I see
it didn't take you long

to find this pretty young lady.

Like father, like son, eh?

Punky, my chauffeur will take
you home whenever you're ready.

Excuse me.

Yes.

In Japan?

Sell short.

Well, you guys, I've got
a little work to do here, so...

- Mr. Lake?
- Yeah.

There's something
I've gotta tell you.

Alright, but I've got
an important phone call coming

so come to the point.

- Your son's a thief.
- What?

He's the one
who stole the briefcase.

You rat fink!

Jerry, let me explain.

You're a snitch,
stoolie, squealer...

Alright, now, now, stop it.
That's enough.

Everybody, calm down here.

Jerry, is this true?

Did you take my briefcase?

W... why?

Why would you steal from me?

I've given you everything
you ever wanted.

Except for one thing
he wanted most.

- What's that?
- Attention.

I don't understand.

Tell him, Jerry.
Tell him what you told me.

He's too busy right now.

He'll listen.
Won't you, Mr. Lake?

Yes. Jerry?

Jerry had a plan.

He figured
he'd rip off your briefcase

and lay low with it
for a few days.

Then when the police gave up,
he'd say he found it.

That way he'd be a hero.

And maybe, just maybe,

you'd pay more attention to him.

Oh, Jerry.

- I'm sorry, dad.
- No.

No, I'm sorry.

Very sorry.

How could I let things
get to the point

where you felt
you had to do such a thing?

You're busy, that's all.

Jerry, I thought I was working

to build a better life
for us here.

But I can see now,
I just built a wall between us.

Why didn't you give up
on me years ago?

I love you.

I love you, too, son.

Hold my calls.

In fact, cancel everything
for the next two weeks.

My son and I are going skiing.

Alright!

Thanks, Punky.

Merry Christmas.

Now just a minute,
Miss Brewster.

I think you've returned
something to me

much more valuable than
the contents of that briefcase.

- Thank you.
- No biggie.

Oh, yes, it was.

Come here.

This is for you.

Brandon, have you found
your gift yet?

It's beside your doghouse.

Wow, my own color TV!

Well, actually,
only the case is color.

Here's your gift.

- Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
- I'm hurry-upping.

Punky!

This is wonderful.

Do you, like, absolutely
love it or what?

I absolutely love it!

Where did you get it?

Mr. Lake. It was my reward.

I couldn't believe it
when he gave it to me.

It's the kind of thing that can
only happen at Christmas.

Oh.

- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!

Merry creature, uh, Christmas.