08x04 - Hoop Dreams

[bunniefuu]

Dre: Young people
working part-time jobs...

it's the American way.

As a kid growing up
in Compton in the ' s,

I was mowing lawns at
and delivering papers at .

My kids, on the other hand,
do not have that hustle.

They're spoiled...

Dad, uh, can you help me with
that thing Mom's talking about?

... lazy...

You can't be a two-day college dropout

and a stoner, boy.

Pick a struggle!

- ... and entitled.
- [Thump]

If we don't get Chipotle
tonight, I swear to God,

I'm going to burn this house down!

Maybe if I was harder on
their privileged asses,

one of them would make me proud.

So, I did some tinkering with the copy,

and now the client wants us

to be their agency of record.

Hm. Okay.

- Hey, guys?
- Hm?

You're looking at the new
locker-room attendant for the Lakers!

[Laughs]

Oh, I'm so proud of you, son!
[Patting back]

Oh!

Oh! You got a job!

How did this happen? How did you do...

- Uh-oh. Wait a minute.
- What?

Did you find a golden
ticket inside a candy bar?

- Come on, Mom.
- We have to ask you these questions, all right?

You are the kid who
thought that TikTok dancer

needed money for medical school.

No, it's real.

- [Gasps] It is.
- What?

Lately, I've been working
on manifesting my dreams,

so when a guy in front
of me ordering lunch

had a Lakers lanyard on, I
started talking ball with him.

Afterwards, we connected on Instagram,

and I told him to keep me
in mind for any openings.

So I kept following up,

and today is the day
he finally came through.

You did this all on your own?

- Mm-hmm.
- With no help from Diane?

Yeah. I mean, I helped brush his teeth

and made sure he didn't wander
into a construction site,

- but this is all him.
- Yeah, you're right.

Finally, my hustle has
started to rub off on you kids.

I literally brought in $ million
worth of billing today, but...

Our baby boy has a job!

What?! [Gasps] We gotta celebrate.

We should... we should
make your favorite meal...

- No, no.
- Noodles and butter!

Mom, you're not gonna believe this...

- What?
- ... but I manifested that, too.

- [Laughs]
- No way.

Get ready. Get ready. I'll cut
the carrots. I'll cut the carrots.

["Jeopardy!" theme plays]

Hurry up, Earl!

"Jeopardy!" 's starting,

and I don't want to miss
the personal anecdotes.

Here you go, my love. Mm!

Shrimp scampi a la Earl.

[Chuckles]

Um...

Baby, didn't we just have scampi?

Here we go, baby.
Shrimp scampi à la Earl.

Shrimp scampi à la Earl.

Shrimp scampi à la Earl.

♪♪

No, look, baby.

It's like we got a new thing.

It's "Scampi and 'Jeopardy!'
Tuesdays." It's nice.

Yeah, throw that on top of
"Football and Wings Monday."

Oh, don't forget "House
Hunters" and tacos on Wednesdays.

"Thursday Gumbo and Shonda."

Love me some gumbo and Shonda.

And Fridays, we eat leftovers,

answer e-mails, and the week's covered.

Yeah, it's nice to know
what every day of the week

is gonna look like for
the rest of your life.

Yep, you and me,

doing this every Tuesday until we die.

Until we die.

♪♪

Jack's new job still
seemed too good to be true,

but luckily, he had
me, a supportive father.

You see how easy we got in here, man?

People are always
mistaking me for a baller.

Also, I scanned us in with my badge.

All right, well, you know,

if you need me to stick around
and see how your first day goes,

make sure it goes
smoothly, you let me know.

Dad, this is not pre-school
drop off, okay? I got this.

They sent me a PDF. I read it.

I know where the clean
and dirty towels go.

All right, son, let
me give you some advice

from somebody who's
always around celebrities

and big-time people, all the time.

Never look them in the eye.

They don't like that.

Why not?

I don't know, man. Celebrity is weird.

One time, I saw Sinbad go
into a restaurant and wave

and leave without eating anything.

Huh.

Okay, uh, thanks, Dad.

All right, well, you know,

come on in here and give
it your best sh*t, son.

And let them know if they're
looking for a sh**t,

I can sign a -day contract.

Dre! Ahh!

- Ow.
- Oh!

- Dad.
- Oh, uh.

Okay, son, uh, you might
want to pick that up

before anybody sees it, okay?

Go, go, go, go.

Dad...

♪♪

Whoa.

Loose balls foul on that play, huh?

You must be the new hire.

Yes, sir. Jack Johnson.

Can't wait to start folding underpants.

That's weird, but I like your energy.

Where you from, Jack Johnson?

Uh, the Oaks.

Hm, okay. Dwight!

I want you to meet Jack
Johnson from the Oaks.

Oh, my cousin Sheila,
she's from the Oaks.

- You know her?
- Um, nah, sorry.

- Wait, Sheila Howard?
- Yeah!

Oh, I still don't know her.

Ahh, new guy, you got jokes.

All right.

[Basketball bouncing]

- Boop.
- [Laughs]

Ah, look at you two in love.

Hey. Hey, hey.

Don't be thinking about
bringing no babies in this house.

Be honest. Would you really
notice if there were any more?

No. But I have a question.

Now, you two have been together

for a couple of years now, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- You live together.

You share all your meals.

You do the same activity day after day,

over and over and over.

Yeah, we really got it figured out.

I wouldn't use the
words "perfect couple,"

but the cartoonist down at
the pier did, so, you know.

Listen, listen. Listen, listen, listen.

Does it... Does it ever feel like

things get a little predictable?

I'm wondering, you know, for a friend,

what are the kids doing these days

to keep the gravy hot?

- Oh.
- Eh?

Well, um, the key is to mix it up.

See, like, Junior and I will pick
restaurant names out of a fishbowl.

We do little scavenger hunts.

- He unexpectedly pays my bills sometimes.
- Okay.

- That's great.
- [Chuckles]

Oh, and recently, we've
started confetti-ing each other.

Oh, yeah.

Sometimes, Olivia will
just be going about her day

and I'll randomly pop
out from behind a door

and sh**t her with a confetti cannon.

She loves it!

Yeah!

It's like I'm in Times
Square on New Year's,

just without the cold
weather and the pee smell.

It is just great.

Mm-hmm.

Hm. Sounds stupid.

Oh.

When your grandfather
and I were your age,

we were cooling our heels
in Baja with fake IDs

[Chuckles] under the assumed names

of Ron Avocado and his sexy wife, Tina.

[Laughs] That's what we were doing.

Okay, Grandma. It was just an idea.

And I'm sure your friend, whoever it is,

doesn't need our advice anyway.

Oh, she doesn't, but I may
still pass it on to her.

Mm.

She's in Europe now, you
know, traveling around.

Good friend.

Earl! Earl!

♪♪

I'm telling you, don't
lend him no money.

It kills friendships.

Bro, it's my cousin's
girlfriend's barber's neighbor.

If I can't trust him, who can I trust?

Mm. Preach.

What you think, new guy?

Who, me?

Yeah, you, Little Mustache.

Really?

'Cause at home, nobody
wants to know what I think.

No one even asks me
what time I want to eat.

I just know if I'm not there
by : , Dad's gonna finish it.

Well, lucky for you, you're not at home,

so, uh, speak.

Okay, um...

Well, if a friend asks me for money,

usually, I'll lend it to them,

but I'll make sure that they know

that there's no more
where that came from.

Sure, you can ask, but
you can only ask once.

Damn! That's cold.

But you're not wrong.

Hey, pull up a chair, my dude.

O... okay.

What's your thoughts on crypto?

♪♪

I hope Jack's first
day at work went well.

Ah, well, I wouldn't count on it.

Why?

He, uh, knocked over a bunch
of basketballs before I left.

Well, first jobs are tough.

I remember I was scooping
ice cream for minimum wage

and all I got was pounds heavier.

[Laughs]

But I did learn a lot
about responsibility

and lactose intolerance.

You know, I think this job is gonna be

a good learning experience for Jack.

- [Cellphone rings]
- And hopefully,

he'll finally understand
the value of a dollar.

Hey, Jack.

Move my car out of the driveway?

- [Engine revs]
- ♪ Wake up in the morning feelin' fresh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Feeling like stuntin' on my ex ♪

First day went great!

- ♪ Movin' to the next ♪
- [Sighs]

That right there? That's
game-worn, playboy.

Better not see that on eBay.

- 'Sup, Mom?
- H... hi, sweetheart.

What is this? What is this?

♪ Too busy workin' on myself ♪

Where did you get a McLaren?

Dwight Howard doesn't
have any room in his garage

until he sells the Lambo,

- so I said I could hold it for him.
- Okay.

Okay, I don't think it's normal

for you to have to store
an NBA All-Star's car.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, it's not, but,
babe, it's a McLaren.

So?

All right, we'll keep your car
on the street for the night.

Hey, I'm gonna go wash up for dinner.

You know, I caught a lot
of dirty jocks today, so...

Ew. [Groans]

Okay.

I know that we were
excited about this job, Dre,

but this is not flipping
burgers for gas money.

Okay, babe, I hear you,

but I really think this hustle

is gonna benefit him in the long run.

Okay, you think it's a
good idea for him to be

hanging out with people

that can lend him a $ , car?

It's a $ , car.

Well, I'm worried that we're setting
him up for unrealistic expectations.

Okay, babe.

How about we just set
some rules, all right?

- Keep him grounded.
- Perfect.

That is a great idea and will
make me feel a lot better.

All right.

And I think you should type those up

while I go make sure Jack didn't forget

to turn the lights off in the McLaren.

Hey!

Don't you drive that car without me.

I am just going to sit in it.

Okay.

[Sighs]

♪♪

[Loud pop]

- What the hell?!
- [Laughs]

You've been confetti'd, lover!

What the hell is wrong with you, woman?

You almost gave me a heart att*ck!

It's gonna take Rainbow a
year to clean up this mess.

Confetti in my whiskey?

I mean, really, what do
you think you're doing?

[Sighs]

Nothing, Earl.

I'm not doing anything.

[Sighs]

Before Jack's next day at the Lakers,

we made sure he knew our
new rules of the road.

- Big day at work coming up?
- Yep.

I've got to return the McLaren,

run some errands,

ah... [Snaps fingers]
and we've got a shipment

of this new fabric softener coming in

that I'm really excited
to get my nose on.

- All right, well, before you go...
- Yeah.

Your mother and I would like
to lay down some ground rules.

Yeah.

You already told me not
to look anyone in the eye,

and, uh, that's not a thing, Dad.

[Clears throat] Yeah, no, sweetheart.

We just want to make sure
that there's some guardrails up

so that you don't, you
know, get off track.Yeah.

Rule number one...

any car that you bring home,

I get to drive.

- Dre.
- [Stammers]

Sorry... we get to drive.

Okay.

No more bringing cars home.

Yes, exactly.

And you need to keep your grades up,

and just because you're
doing chores for the Lakers

doesn't mean you get to
stop doing chores at home.

Fine. Uh, I got it.

- You sure?
- Yes.

All right, well, you
have a great day at work.

And here, sweetheart. Here's the key.

Why would you...

And just ignore any extra
mileage on the McLaren

that, you know, might
be there from last night.

- Okay.
- Have a good day.

- Tell Dwight I said hello.
- Extra mileage?

Yeah.

You were supposed to just
drive it around the block

if you were gonna drive it, babe.
Where'd you go?

♪♪

Vroom!

Vrrrm-ree-errrrh-ahhh!

[Laughs]

♪♪

Hey, Jack.

If you want to make
a little extra money,

Anthony Davis needs
someone to dress up as Olaf

for his kid's birthday party.

Uh, yeah. I'm sorry.

I'm not able to do any of
the after-hours stuff anymore.

Oh! Turns out Little
Mustache is a busy guy.

See, time's not my problem.

Haters are my problem.

Nobody has any faith in me.

Jack, let me ask you this.

How many people you
know that's k*lling it

that don't have haters?

No one.

Exactly, because that's just a sign

that you're doing something right,

and when you're doing something right,

people get jealous, they get confused,

they get to hating.

But you don't got to pay them no mind.

You gotta do you, baby.
Don't let anything stop you!

Wait, really?

Yes, %.

Listen, your path is for you to decide.

No one else.

Don't let anybody get in your way...

not the haters, not the government,

not the guy in the cafeteria telling you

they've stopped serving
breakfast. Nobody.

You get that burrito if you want
to get that burrito, you hear me?

Wow. You guys are so right.

I needed to just stay on my path.

Thanks, guys.

Hey, wash these, too.

Do you want to make any extra
money dressing up as Olaf?

'Cause none of us can fit in the suit.

Hell, no.

♪♪

[Grunts]

Junior: Hey, Pops.

Damn it.

What is it, everybody
sneaking up on me today?

First your grandmother
confettis me and now this?

You know, you almost made me

spill your dad's good liquor.

Hold up. You got confetti'd?

- Yeah.
- So Grandma took our advice.

She's trying to keep the romance alive.

- Aww.
- Hey, our romance been alive

since before the Black Panthers,

so you need to get
that idea out your mind.

Okay.

Of course, we've settled
into more of a schedule

than we would have liked to,

and I can't even remember
the last time we had a meal

that didn't require thawing out,

but we... we don't need your help.

But while I have you here,

tell me what it is
that you young folks do

to keep it poppin' these days.

Well, sometimes, Junior
and I stay up for hours

asking each other questions like,

"What's the source of your self-worth?"

Or, "If your house was burning down,

what five things would you save?"

And the more I learn,

the more I want to discover.

Yeah.

I'm an onion, and she peels me.

[Both chuckle]

That's the dumbest [bleep] I ever heard.

"What is the source of your self-worth?"

[Chuckles]

This is the source of my self-worth.

I'm going back to the guest house.

There's no good advice up in here.

I thought it was pretty
good advice, Pops.

- Why'd he even ask?
- [Loud pop]

- [Both laugh]
- Gotcha!

- They'll never have what we have.
- [Sighs]

Part of being the parent
is making the rules.

Your kids may not like it,

but deep down, they respect you.

_

"I'll link up with you later"?

What?

Jack's talking like
he's calling the sh*ts.

- No.
- Yeah.

He's not asking now, he's just
telling us what he's doing?

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Hey, Jack?

This does not work for us.

You need to come home.

Send.

- Whoa!
- _

- _
- Oh, hell no!

He put me on Do Not Disturb!

Uh, he must think he's grown.

How do you casually text
someone you're not coming home

and then put them on Do Not Disturb?

Doesn't he know I will set it off?

- It doesn't sound like it.
- What?

Oh, we will. Come on, Bow.

Okay, I'm driving, though.

Hold on. I'm coming with.
Just let me grab the belt.

Okay, grab the one
with the spikes on it.

Hurry up, honey!

We made our way to Jack's
work to let him have it.

The fool didn't know
what was about to hit him.

Hey, Jack, I got to give it to you.

They been practicing for an hour
and they don't smell like toe juice.

Ah. Good job. Using the new softener?

Hey, I can't give up any of my secrets,

but they win those
games, I'll do the rest.

Dre: Jack!

Jack Johnson!

Boy, I see you hearing me!

Despite your best efforts,
we are here to disturb!

Hit your free throws, Dwight!

- Hit them!
- We need security on the court.

There's some middle-aged guy

losing his mind down there.

Get your little, narrow
butt over here right now.

I'm sorry, friend. I tried to stop them.

Well, I thought about stopping them.

You know, I may have told
them a faster way to get here.

- I'm sorry.
- Okay, what are you guys doing here? I'm working.

- Not anymore. No, no, no, no.
- Mnh-mnh.

I'm so sorry, Los Angeles Lakers,

but Jack is going to need to quit

because his mommy...
that's me... and his daddy

are here and we are taking him home.

Okay, you guys are doing
way too much right now.

Oh, no, no, boy. We
could do so much more.

Give me a basketball,

- because I want to dunk on you.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, this is so embarrassing.

You don't tell us how it is.

We tell you how it is,
and this is how it is.

Go to the car.

And do it fast,

'cause we're in the red zone.

Hey. All right, let's go.

Okay. Go. Go to the car.

Who's the parent?

Yeah, okay. It's whatever it is.

Man, I'm gonna miss that kid.

The last guy who had his job

had me go out there with
two different color socks.

Embarrassing.

I'm gonna miss his mama.

Why he ain't tell us she was that fine?

Pssh. Mm-hmm.

Ooh-ooh, man.

Here you go, baby.

Steak à la Earl.

Ohhh.

Mm.

Well, this is a nice change, baby.

Mm-hmm.

Should I turn on the TV?

No, baby. No, baby. I
thought we would just talk.

What, Earl?

So, uh...

What would you say

was your source of self-worth?

What you talking about my worth?

I mean, um...

Like, what things would you save

if I set the house on fire?

Earl Johnson, if you're losing it,

I will - you so fast.

I'm just trying to
peel your onion, baby.

Oh, pssh.

Wait, wait, look, look, look.

Junior told me that you
asked him for some advice

on how to spice up our relationship.

I'm just trying something, too.

Aww, Earl. Look at you.

Look, we don't need no confetti cannons

to keep it hot between us.

- Yeah.
- We're too sexy for that.

Damn right.

We're sexy people who do sexy things.

- That's right.
- [Laughs]

We should be on a catamaran

cruising the Indian Ocean,

sh**ting fish with r*fles.

Instead, we're sitting
here in a guest house

in boring-ass Sherman Oaks.

Well, what is keeping us here?

- Nothing!
- Nothing!

Earl...

let's go on an adventure.

Ooh. Ron and Tina?

Ron and Tina...

Ha! Avocado!

Girl, we gonna get kicked
off so many cruise ships.

[Both laugh]

- You know it.
- [Laughs]

All right.

Hey.

I think your little job here
at the Lakers has you confused.

It is completely unacceptable
for you to be unreachable.

You're not Pops.

[Scoffs]

I bet it'd be fine if I were Diane.

- What?
- We're the same age,

yet you treat us completely different.

That is not true.

Okay, well, while y'all figure this out,

- I'm gonna go gas up the car.
- Oh.

- Dre: Okay.
- Don't worry.

I got a credit card. Thanks.

You see that?

Y'all trust her but treat me
like I'm still a little kid.

No.

Those guys out there
treated me like an adult

for the first time of my life.

To them, I'm not the kid
who got lost on Halloween

or the Jack who got his
head stuck in the banister

or the Jack who put his
clothes in the dishwasher.

I'm just Jack.

Or J-Sizzle.

That's what Dwight Howard calls me.

So they... The guys kinda like you?

Yeah, I'm good at my job.

Eh, maybe you're right.

Maybe us treating you like a little kid

is keeping us from seeing
how much you've grown up.

Yeah.

I mean, you did get
this job all on your own,

and it seems like you're doing...

doing great here, until...

Until we came and humiliated you.

Yeah, okay, look. In
the blink of an eye,

you'll be out of the house.

Maybe we need to start
treating him like that.

Thanks.

So, uh, do I still have to quit my job?

Uh, well, no.

But... But if you ever
put your father and I

on Do Not Disturb again,

I will personally tell
every single Laker Girl

that you draw on your mustache.

Okay.

Go on. Get up in there.

It's hard to accept
your kids are growing up,

but you do have a
choice... you can fight it

or you can be proud of the
adults they're becoming.

We've got to get out of here.

I just clipped Magic
Johnson's golf cart.

- What'd you do?
- Mm-hmm. Nope.

I'm not saying it again. Come on.

Oh, man. I can't believe this!

I just made my last payment!

Somebody gonna pay for this.

I bet you it was that Dwight Howard.

Oh, I sure hope he
likes Detroit winters,

'cause it's over for him.

[Clears throat] Excuse
me, I'm meeting someone.

Are you Don? Don Sapphire?

[British accent] I may be.

If you're Gina Rhinestone.

I am.

And even when the lights are off,

I sparkle like a diamond.

Wait, is your name Gina Diamond?

Did I mess that up?

Don't think about it. Just keep going.

Sorry, sorry. You're right. Uh...

[South African accent] So, I need
help mining diamonds in Africa.

Mm. This isn't working for me.

Yeah, me neither. My
grandparents are nuts.

Yeah, I didn't want to say anything.

♪♪

Oh! [Laughs]

[Both laugh]

- Oh, yeah. This feels like us.
- Yeah.