09x05 - Strummy Strummy Sad Sad

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

[Laughter] Bring up Twitter.
Here goes.

Donald Tr*mp's hair is fake.
Sent.

Donald Tr*mp isn't that rich.
Sent.

I don't want to do it.

The legend says
it takes three, dumbass.

[Voice breaking] Okay. Donald
Tr*mp buys his suits off the rack.

Sent!

I guess his skin isn't
so thin after all.

[Electricity crackles]

Eric has a tiny d*ck.
Sad!

[All scream]

Dave doesn't belong
on the football team. Overrated!

[All scream]

Matt's never touched a boob!
Dishonest!

[All screaming]

[Bell rings]

Does anyone know where Dave,
Eric, and Matt are?

[Music]

Together:
Mary pads her bra. Sad!

[All scream]

[Music]

Now Eric and Ariel
will nev kiss on their own.

Oh, Sebastian's trying
to make humans kiss.

Wow.
Must be a day that ends in "Y."

First, we gots to create
the mood with some percussion.

- Is this a paid gig, man?
- You know we're all union, right?

I have artistic integrity, bro.

Didn't you write the jingle
for that credit-report website?

Hey, [Bleep] off, man.
You don't know me.

Second, we need the strings.

You know I want as much
as the ducks make.

- Favored nations, man!
- Anyone call for a triangle?

Get the [Bleep]
out of here, Greg!

[Steam horn blows]

Yabba dabba doo!

I've had just about enough
of these lazy [Bleep]

using us as sl*ve labor.
Bam!

The uprising is upon us!

[All roaring]

We're under att*ck.
Aah!

[Steam horn blows]

[Steam horn blows]

[Roars]

[Steam horn blows]

Aah!
[Music]

[Bones cr*ck]

Wilma, it's the dinosaurs.

I was... just slicing
some bread for dinner.

Oh, God!

What's wrong, can't look
at your watch anymore?

It's payback o'clock, mother[Bleep].

That's enough, Sam.
That's enough.

[Crying]

Then the Scottish lobster paid us

three sand dollars apiece,
and that was it.

- Wasn't he a Jamaican crab?
- Maybe.

Got a little weird at the end
when y'all started chanting,

"Kiss the girl," in unison.

Yeah, that ...
that didn't feel right.

- So, then they kissed?
- No, a couple of eels swam up,

knocked them out of the boat.

- Oh, total [Bleep]-block.
- Yeah. I was just about

to pull up my flamenco [Bleep]
to start jerking it right there.

Ooh. We had
very different goals.

[Music]

My husband, David,
is a very good doctor

who takes care of
all the forest creatures,

but I wish he'd take care
of something I need,

specifically, a breast reduction.

I'm not that kind of doctor, Lisa.
We've talked about this.

Motorboating is not talking.

- I fell in love with your personality, dear.
- Aw, sh*t! Worldstar!

You'd think after centuries,
you would've learned something

other than how to remove
a thorn out of a squirres paw!

You might have body dysmorphia.

Those things aren't even that big.

Excuse me. My paw is ...
Huge boobs!

You're not helping.

I suppose I'll just have to
learn to live with ...

- Aah, my breasts!
- My breasts! I mean, my wife!

- Put me out! My bre... I'm on fire!
- How do you turn this damn thing on?

Whoa!

Well, I knew
those were se hot tits!

What? I can say it.
I'm a titmouse.

Wait.
A titmouse isn't a mouse?

[Chimes play!]

Duck... duck... duck...
[Giggling]

goose!

[All crying]

[Music]

This painting reminds me
of my childhood.

It brings solace
to my troubled mind.

I love this piece.

Heavy is the head
that wears the crown..

This painting reminds me of Garfield.

[Gulping]

Man: Jessica, are you ready?

Hold on.

_
[Music]

__

_

I've tried to make her quit,
but she can literally lift cars.

No, I've never seen Jessica drink,
but I can always smell it on her

because I've got
a great sense of smell.

Oh, here's a tip, pal ...
Invest in a bidet.

Jessica: So, I have a drink
every now and then.

I was enslaved by Killgrave's
mind-control for years.

Mind-control? That would
never stand-up in court.

You're cute. Why don't you come here?
Sit on my lap.

Now put on this "Sailor Moon" costume.

Jessica, you've heard from your friends
and your mind-control r*pist,

but there's one more person
with a message for you.

[Door shuts, all gasp]

What happened?

Jessica, the drinking is
negatively affecting your life.

You don't take care
of yourself anymore.

You've grown cold and distant
to your friends and family.

[Voice breaking]
Please take this opportunity

to bring back
the Jessica we all love.

[All crying]

You know, the acid
destroyed my tear ducts, also.

Listen, everyone.
I'm fine.

I don't need rehab.
You're overreacting.

Oh, for the love of ...
You don't want to drink anymore.

[Robotically]
I don't want to drink anymore.

- Oh!
- Ohh! [Music]

Can you help me
with my carb addiction?

Well, of course, I can.
Wink.

You're in trouble now, kid.

I'm not a kid!
I'm now!

And you know who else is?
Quailman!

[Whistles]

Someone needs Quailman!

[Music]

Ooh, extra tight today.

You better hope someone pays
your ransom or else...!

Quailman will be coming
to save me any minute.

Friction... addiction.

He should have been her by now.

Quailman!
I'm Quailman!

Look. We've got another... thing.

- "Riverdale" viewing party.
- I was trying not to say that.

- Look, Patti, you can just go.
- I like "Riverdale."

That's nice. Get out.

Doug, want to go play basketball?

Oh, God!
I knew this day would come!

Dad, can you open this?

[Grunting]
Oh.

Come on, Dad.
You're Manimal!

Just turn into
a bear or something.

Yes, son, I am Manimal,

master of the secrets
that divide man from animal,

animal from man, but bears
don't have fingers or thumbs.

So I wouldn't be able
to open it anyway.

Could you at least try?

[Sighs]

[Growling]

[Roars]

[Grunting]

Chase, this needs to get
to the FedEx office fast.

Why don't you turn into a cheetah
or something to race it down there?

Cheetahs are the fastest animal alive,

but how do you expect a cheetah
to carry that giant box?

You... Just do it.

[Panting]
[Music]

[Clears throat]
It's Tuesday at : , darling.

Honey, how about we do it
normally this time?

If I wanted to do it normally,

I wouldn't have married
[Yells] g*dd*mn Manimal!!

[Sighs]

[Whinnies]

[Woman moans]
This... isn't... fun for me!

Say it like a horse!

So if I'm understanding
this correly, Mrs. Voorhees,

you want to sue your son Jason

for ownership of the
"Friday the th" properties?

Correct.

But isn't he, like,
the star of the movies?

If you remember the first movie
correctly, I was the k*ller.

He was just a Mongoloid
in a cameo role.

Oh, no offense, honey.

[Sighs, mumbling indistinctly]

He makes a good case,

but the court rules in favor
of Pamela Voorhees.

Oh, don't worry, son.
You'll land on your feet.

[Mumbles "Ta-da]

[Applause]

Look!
It's the Pokémon daycare center.

Hi, mister. Can you teach us
to hatch Pokémon eggs?

Ho, ho, ho.
Not so fast there, young man.

Where do you think those eggs
come from in the first place?

- Storks?
- Trees?

The same place baby humans
come from, you idiots.

- My mom's uterus?
- Trees?

You need two Pokémons

who like each other very much,
like those Bulbasaurs.

Bulba, bulba.

If you leave them alone,
you'll get a Pokémon egg.

I've got every second of it
on the security cameras.

- Bulba?!
- These two are into role-play.

I have a shed full of props
and costumes

for just such an occasion.

Bulba, Bulbasaur!

- Bulba, bulba, bulba!
- Bulba, bulba, bulba!

That's hot.

Some public-domain music really
adds to the production value.

Wow, Pikachu, you're going
to make an egg!

Pikachu!

What about with that one?

[Awoo-gah!]
Pikachuuuuu!

Sorry, no.
That one's already got an egg in it.

How about that little
honey over there?

[Roars]

P-P-Pikachu.

[Cheesy music playing]

[Sighs] Pikachu.

Wait. I thought the Pokémon

had to be the same
species to make an egg.

Well, bottom line, this movie
checks a lot of fetish boxes.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk wk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.