01x17 - The Big Bank Robbery

[bunniefuu]

[men laughing]

See Wilma, we've been in 10 dives already, but this is the worst-looking.

I'm afraid to go in there. So am I, Betty.

But for the sake of the boys, we got to go through with it.

Do you remember your lines? Uh-huh. Let's go.

[jazz music playing]

[Wilma] Hey, uh, bartender. Yeah, what'll you girls have?

We will have a couple of lemonades. Yeah, and put it on the cuff.

Nothing doing. What do you think I am, a Good Samaritan?

Ain't it a shame, Shirl?

We got a fortune in stolen swag stashed away and it's too hot to spend.

It's m*rder, Myrt.

[whistles]

[siren wailing]

Looks like we lost the police, Benny. You can take off your mask now.

Aw, gee, Fingers, can't I keep it on?

It makes me feel like a for-real bank robber.

You are a for-real bank robber.

Where do you think we heisted this bag of dough from, a bakery?

Oh, yeah.

Ever since that last job when the safe door fell on my head, I can't seem to remember nothing.

Well, try to remember to keep on the right side of the road.

[siren wailing]

It's the law! Step on it, Benny!

[mimics alarm]

[coughing and gasping]

I'm all out of breath, sarge. You be the siren for a while, while I drive.

There they are up ahead. Keep that siren going.

Yow!

[mimics siren]

[snoring]

Hey, Fred.

[stammering] What's the matter, Barney?

Nothing, Fred. You told me to wake you up when it's 3:00.

Oh, yeah.

I left my watch inside. What time is it now?

It's 1:00. Oh. Then you have two hours yet.

Go back to sleep, Fred. "Go back to sleep." Hmph.

Barney, remind me never to use your hammock again.

What do you mean, Fred? What did I do?

You woke me up right in the middle of a beautiful dream, that's what.

Well, I'm sorry, Fred. What was the dream about? Money?

Naturally, I'm a married man.

Yeah, it figures. Boy, was I rich.

I dreamed that me and Wilma had servants waiting on us hand and foot.

[Barney laughing]

Say, uh, was me and Betty in the dream, Fred?

Who do you think the servants were?

You mean Betty and me was working for you?

Yeah, but I was paying you a terrific salary, a thousand a week.

Eh! That was swell of you, Fred. You're a real pal.

You know me, Barney. Easy come, easy go.

[siren wailing]

The cops are gaining on us. If they catch us with the loot, we'll be sent up for life.

Yeah, and maybe longer. What'll we do? There's only one thing we can do.

Turn the next corner, Benny, and I'll dump the loot overboard.

See, 86,000 down the drain.

And after we got back from the world cruise, we built the biggest swimming pool you ever saw and filled it with champagne.

No kidding. Oh, boy, what a dream.

You never saw so many guests going down for the third time with smiles on their faces.

[both laughing]

Hey! Don't you wish all that money was for real instead of being just a dream?

Yeah, I wish this one was.

Youch!

What happened, Fred? Get a doctor. I can't see.

Get two doctors. Help, I've been k*lled! Call Wilma, quick!

Fred, look at this. It's a sack of money.

Will you stop yelling and get help? Don't just stand...

What did you say?

I said you got hit in the head with a sack of money.

[coins clinking]

It happened. It's a miracle. I make a wish and it happens.

Yahoo! Yabba-dabba-doo!

Yeah, we're rich! Yeah, we're rich!

Yabba-dabba-doo-ly-do-do-do! We're rich!

Where do you get that "we" stuff?

Well, after all, the money fell in my yard.

A mere technicality. Aren't you forgetting it was my wish?

And I gave you the idea to wish for the dough, remember?

For that you expect to be cut in? You are out of your lead-picking mind.

But Fred, I deserve something. We've been friends for years.

Uh-uh! Stranger, uh-uh. You do your own wishing.

Yoo-hoo? Wilma, are you busy? [Wilma] Come in, Betty.

I'm catching up on some of my sewing. You know how it piles up.

I wish Fred would get me a modern sewing machine like yours.

You can use mine anytime you want to, Wilma.

Thanks, but you know how Fred is. He wouldn't like it.

It would be okay with me.

I'll be finished in a minute, Betty, and we'll have some cold swamp root tea over rocks.

Swell.

[Barney] Not only that, but I'll sue you. [Fred] Sue me? For what?

[Barney] How do I know? I ain't no lawyer.

Looks like Fred and Barney are at it again.

I wonder what they're arguing about this time.

Something silly as usual. Let's go see.

Let go, Barney. It's mine, all mine.

No, it ain't. It fell in my yard. So what? I was dreaming about it first.

[Barney] That makes no difference. I'm entitled to half.

Fred, what in the world are you two doing?

Wilma, I want you to settle an argument.

And that's just how it happened. So, it's my money, right?

But it was my idea and my yard. So I'm entitled to something, right?

No, Barney, you're not entitled to a cent.

You see? What did I tell you? Your own wife admits it.

It's mine! 86,000 samolians!

Now what's the first thing I'll do with all this dough?

Return it.

I'll get me one of those snazzy sports cars, maybe two.

One to go to work in and one to come home in, and then I'll...

Wilma, it sounded like you said "return it."

That's right, Fred. Return it.

You've been twisting your hair curlers too tight, Wilma.

This dough belongs to me.

Fred Flintstone, you don't really believe that money dropped on you because you wished for it?

How could you? It's easy. I force myself.

Besides how do I find out who it really belongs to?

Hey, Fred, how about putting an ad in the lost-and-found column?

You know, something like, "Found, 86,000 bucks.

Loser may claim same by identifying the money."

Are you nuts? Anybody can claim the money that way.

Money is money. It's easy to describe.

[Wilma] Well, then take it to the police. They'll find the owner.

[Fred] But Wilma...

Go on, Fred. You know it's the right thing to do.

Oh, Wilma.

Cheer up, Fred. Remember the old saying, "Honesty is the best policy."

With my income, I can't afford the best. Come on, pal, forget it.

Hey! I'll play some music. Maybe that'll make you feel better.

[reporter] And here's a special news bulletin.

Just one hour ago, a bag containing a sum of 86,000 was stolen from the Rockville National Bank by two masked bandits who are still at large.

Eighty-six thousand? Barney, we got the stolen money in this car.

And now we know who it belongs to.

Although the police expect to apprehend the criminals shortly, the bank has offered a reward for the return of the money.

Hey! Did you hear that, Fred? A reward!

I wonder how much we'll get. 10,000? 20,000?

We? My, aren't we plural lately.

I'm helping you return it to the bank, ain't I?

Putting a bag of money in the trunk of my car makes you a partner?

[engine sputtering]

Uh-oh. I'm out of gas. We'll have to stop at the next station.

[reporter] We interrupt this program to bring you the latest news about the big bank robbery.

Police have thrown a dragnet around the entire city, and expect to apprehend the two robbers by nightfall.

[engine sputtering]

Fill her up, bud. Make it snappy.

We're in a hurry. [man] Yes, sir.

And for the last time, Barney, I will not split any of the money.

Besides, how much could it be? There was only 86,000 in that bag.

[Barney] Well, 86,000 ain't nothing to sneeze at, you know.

You call that a big bank robbery?

It's peanuts compared to some of the others.

Oh, my gosh, it's the bank robbers.

How much, bud? Nothing, sir. It's on the house.

A sort of a get-acquainted offer. Thanks, I'm pleased to meet you.

[engine starts]

Operator, get me the police. Quick.

Turn the radio on. Let's see if the cops have any leads on the bank robbery.

[Barney] Okay, Fred.

[reporter] And here's the newsflash.

The two bank robbers were seen leaving a gas station a short while ago.

Hey, they spotted those crooks already.

One of them is described as a heavyset, vicious thug with dark hair, and the other is short, shifty-eyed, and has light hair.

These men are described as being extremely dangerous, and police have orders to sh**t first and ask questions later.

Boy, I'd hate to meet those two characters in a dark alley.

They're believed heading in the general direction of Rockpeak's Park.

Hey! That's where we're going. Maybe we'll run into them.

I hope not.

And the license number of their car is XYZ 643.

[tires screeching]

What's the matter, Fred? That's my car.

Two guys leaving the gas station, dark hair, short, shifty-eyed.

Barney, they think we're the crooks.

My, ain't we getting plural all of a sudden.

[siren wailing]

It's the cops. So what, Fred? We're not the crooks.

Yeah, I know, but they don't. We got the stolen money in my car.

They're going to sh**t first and ask questions later, remember?

Oh, we'll just tell them what happened, Fred.

Oh, sure. Who's going to believe I wished for the money and it just dropped on my head?

You believed it, Fred.

Well, the cops won't. They'll lock me up for a nut.

The way I see it, Fred, you're in plenty of trouble.

I'm in plenty of trouble? You're in it too. And you got to help me out of it.

I'll give you half the reward which should be about...

About 10 years. No, thanks, Fred.

[continues mimicking siren]

Step on it, Fred. They're gaining on us.

Slow down, Fred. We're gaining on them.

Head for the river, Fred. The river? What for?

They can't follow our tracks in the water.

Hey! That's a good idea.

[siren continues]

[Barney] It's the cops.

[Fred] I thought you said they couldn't follow our tracks.

Watch it, the light will change. I think I can make it.

Did we lose them? Yeah, they didn't make the light.

[laughs] Step on it!

[reporter] And now for the 12:00 news roundup.

The men who robbed the Rockville Bank this morning have been positively identified.

Here is a police artist's sketch of the desperados from a description by a gas station attendant who saw them less than an hour ago.

Hey! Don't they look just like Fred and Barney?

Which reminds me, where are Fred and Barney?

[footsteps approaching]

[door slams]

Wilma, quick, pull the shades down, lock the back door.

What for? What are you doing under the table?

Hiding. The police think we pulled the robbery.

Then that picture on TV, it was Fred and Barney.

[stuttering]

TV? That does it. Everybody will be looking for us now.

What do we do, Fred?

We've got to get out of here. This is the first place they'll look for us.

Wilma, when the cops come, you know nothing, you hear? Nothing.

You're not kidding, Fred. I don't know why you're running away.

I got no time to explain now. Come on, Barney, let's go.

Wait, how will we know where to find you?

Look in the classified phone book under "hideouts."

And Wilma, if I never come back, remember one thing.

What's that, Fred?

Turn the lights off when you go to bed. Those bills are m*rder!

Good grief, Wilma! What do we do? I don't know, Betty.

But it sure looks like the boys left us holding the bag.

This looks like a good place to hide, Barney.

You go climb to the top of that cliff and see if any cops are following us.

I'll start collecting some branches. Branches? What for?

I'm going to build a log cabin so I can be president someday.

Oh, I didn't know you wanted to be president.

Stop clowning around, Barney.

I'm going to cover the car with branches so nobody can spot it from the road.

Now go on, climb that hill.

Fred as president. [laughs]

For a minute, I thought I'd have to cash in my government bonds.

[Barney grunting]

Boy, I'm no mountain climber, that's for sure.

Help!

[cheeping]

Hey, baby pterodactyls. I'm a mother.

[squawking]

Yikes. It's the real mama. I'm in trouble.

[chirping]

Take him, Mama, he's older than me.

Wait a minute. We're not supposed to fly till we're three weeks old.

[screaming]

Ah, well, two out of three ain't bad.

For crying out loud, Barney, what are you trying to do, k*ll me?

What happened?

Well, uh... Ah, skip it, Fred. You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

[crickets chirping]

Do you think the cops will be able to spot our car where you hid it, Fred?

Not the way I camouflaged it.

My Army experience sure came in handy.

But Fred, you wasn't in the Army.

But I picked up a lot of handy hints... from the w*r pictures on the Late, Late Show.

Hey! How long do you think we'll have to sit here? I'm getting dizzy.

Till I figure a way to get out of this mess you got us into.

Me? I got us into this mess?

Of course, wasn't it you who insisted I try out your new hammock?

I asked you to come over and look at it.

Right. If I hadn't been in your hammock I wouldn't have got conked by that dough, and we wouldn't be in this fix.

Oh, gee, I didn't think of it that way. I'm sorry, Fred.

I accept your apology.

Now keep quiet while I think of a way to beat this rap.

We've got to think of something, Betty.

We can't let Fred and Barney be wanted men for the rest of their lives.

If only we could find the real crooks.

Of course, it's our only chance. What are you talking about, Wilma?

About what you just said. We'll have to find the real crooks.

But how? By letting them find us, that's how.

[men laughing]

Gee, Wilma, we've been in 10 dives already, but this is the worst-looking.

I'm afraid to go in there. So am I, Betty.

But for the sake of the boys, we got to go through with it.

Do you remember your lines? Uh-huh. Let's go.

[jazz music playing]

[Wilma] Hey, bartender. Yeah, what'll you girls have?

We will have a couple of lemonades. Yeah, and put it on the cuff.

Nothing doing. What do you think I am, a Good Samaritan?

Ain't it a shame, Shirl?

We got a fortune in stolen swag stashed away and it's too hot to spend.

It's m*rder, Myrt.

Our husbands swiped 86,000 from the Rockville National Bank this morning, and we can't even buy a lemonade.

Eighty-six thousand?

Fingers, that dough belongs to us. We swiped it.

Yeah, it's the missing loot. Shh! Listen.

Like you said, Shirl, it's m*rder.

Staying home while our husbands are on the I am.

If we could use that loot, we could buy a real snazzy pad.

Yeah, instead of that broken-down joint we're hiding out in.

Come on, Shirl, let's go home and count it again.

Uh-huh. Back to 345 Stone Cave Road.

[chuckling]

Did you hear that? Certainly.

What will we do, Fingers? Well, that's easy.

We pays a visit to 345 Stone Cave Road, and collect the stolen money from them crooks.

Holy macaroli, the dough!

What about it, Fred? You left it at my house.

So what? We can't spend it out here in the woods.

Don't you get it? If the police search the house they'll find it.

So what? They can't spend it either, Fred.

But they can lock up Wilma and Betty as accomplices.

Oh, boy, have you got a knack for getting me in trouble.

Come on, back to the house before the cops get there.

Do you think your plan worked, Wilma? I'm not sure, Betty.

But every shady character in town knows we have the stolen money.

I'm hoping the real crooks will come here to get it.

Uh-oh. There's a car with its lights out coming up the street.

Maybe it's them. Call the police, quick.

Operator, send the police to 345 Stone Cave Road.

So far so good. No cops spotted us.

Now you go inside and get the dough, I'll stay out here and watch for the police.

Got you, Fred.

Here he comes, Betty. Hi, Betty.

Wilma, that's no crook, it's Barney.

[Wilma gasps]

It is Barney. Help me get him to the couch, Betty.

Come on, Barney, snap out of it. Wake up.

Speak to me, honey. Say something.

Eight ball in the corner pocket, Fred.

[sputters and babbles]

Betty, Wilma, what happened?

Never mind, Barney. What are you doing back here?

I've come for the money. Fred said we've got to hide it in a safe place.

I'll get it, Barney, but we're turning it over to the police.

They're on their way here now, and you and Fred are going to tell them the whole story.

Here's the money, Barney. I'll be glad to get rid of it.

That's good, lady. And we'll be glad to take it.

It's the crooks. Some nerve.

Their husbands take the credit for a job we knock off, and they call us crooks.

I knew they was robbers, but I didn't think they was dishonest.

Okay, lady, hand over the dough.

Boy, that Barney. What's he doing in there so long, counting the money?

[siren wailing]

The police. We're sunk.

I got them all tied up like you said, Fingers. What should I do now?

Just leave them there and let's scram.

Thank you kindly for minding our loot. Don't mention it.

Hey, Barney, come on. The police are coming.

Don't you think we should count the dough, Fingers?

Later, Benny. So long, suckers!

Barney, shake a leg! We're surrounded by cops!

What's the matter with you guys? This ain't no time to be playing cowboys and Indians.

Where's the dough?

[Wilma] Right behind you, Fred. Huh?

And that's how it happened, fellows.

When I saw my dear wife and my best friends in mortal danger, I sort of went berserk.

Without regard to my personal safety, I rushed in, and with just one hit, whammo, I knocked out both crooks. That took a lot of courage.

Don't be so formal, sonny. Call me what my friends call me. "Hero."

Oh, brother. I can't take any more of this.

Oh, Frederick. You called, my dear?

May we see you for a moment? Certainly, my love.

Will you, gentlemen of the press, excuse me?

But don't leave yet. I got a lot more to tell you.

All right, what's on your mind?

Those reporters are clamoring for me to come back.

Thanks for sparing a few seconds of your time, oh, hero of heroes.

Boy, what a story, Fred.

It's a good thing I was there. I'd never recognize it.

Okay, so I colored it a bit. It makes for better reading in the newspapers.

What about the reward, Fred?

I already told you. I intend to be fair about it.

Good. There are a few things I want to buy.

Me too. And so do I.

Hello, Rockville Department Store? This is Wilma Flintstone.

Send up all those dresses I looked at last week.

And some hats, Wilma. Don't forget the hats.

And I need a new fishing pole. Have some poles sent over too.

Hold it!

What do you think you're doing?

There won't be any reward money left for me.

We'll be fair about it, Fred.

Oh, yeah? You're not going to get away with it.

Either we get away with this, or you don't get away with that story you're telling, Mr. Hero.

You mean you'd tell? My wife? My two best friends?

[all] Mm-hm.

You couldn't. I'd be the laughing stock of the neighborhood.

Now as I was saying, besides the clothes, send up a new sewing machine.

Yeah, and a new bowling ball. And some travel folders.

No, take it easy. What do I get out of all this?

And give the bill to Mr. Flintstone.

Wilma, have a heart, will you?

Wilma!

Wilma! Come on, Wilma, open this door!

Wilma!