02x09 - The Little White Lie

[bunniefuu]

Follow that wheelchair. I knew it wouldn't work.

Why don't you just give up?

And let Wilma catch me in a lie? Nothing doing.

[whistling]

They're catching up, Fred. It's no use.

Let's give up. Not on your life.

We'll beat them home, take that costume off, and deny everything.

[crash]

[whistles]

[siren wailing]

That was some dinner, honey.

Like I always say, nobody can make dinosauerbraten the way you do.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, dear. By the way, got any plans for tonight?

No. Why?

I thought we might go to a movie.

They're showing Swiss Family Rubberstone with James Slagney at the Bedrock Theater.

No, I don't wanna go out tonight, honey. I'm too tired.

I'm just gonna relax in my easy chair and watch television.

Oh, Fred.

Whenever I wanna go some place, you're always too tired.

If it was something you wanted to see, you'd go fast enough.

Not tonight I wouldn't. I tell you I'm bushed.

I'm gonna watch TV for a while, then, I'm gonna hit the sack nice and early.

[knocking on door]

Come in. [Barney] Hi, Fred.

Hello, Barney.

Can I perhaps have a word with you in private?

If it'll make you happy, my friend, sh**t.

Do wanna play a little poker tonight?

There's a game at Sam Quartz's house.

No, I don't think so. I'm kind of tired tonight, Barney.

That's too bad.

The whole g*ng will be there, even Stanley Stonebruise.

That pigeon? Oh, boy.

If there's one guy I can always beat at poker, it's Stanley Stonebruise.

[laughing]

I'll tell Wilma we're going.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter, Fred?

Wilma wanted me to take her to the movies.

I said nothing could get me out of the house tonight.

So?

So how am I gonna tell her I'm going out to play poker?

Mm. As the saying goes, this is a pretty kettle of doughnuts.

Doughnuts? That's fish. Pretty kettle of fish.

But I don't like fish.

Oh, boy, you're a big help, you are.

Well, I gotta tell her. So I might as well get it over with.

Wilma.

Oh, Wilma! Well, what is it?

Oh, hello, Barney. [Barney] Hi, Wilma.

What did you want, Fred?

I want... Uh...

Honey, I have to go out.

Out? What for?

Well, Barney has just brought me some terrible news, didn't you, Barney?

Me? Oh, you mean about not liking fish?

No, no.

I mean about Stanley Stonebruise.

Honey, Stanley is very sick, and he's calling for me.

I gotta rush to his side.

What's the matter with him? Uh, nobody knows.

He's got three doctors working night and day, trying to find out.

They give him sh*ts, pills, transfusions, but nothing works.

Poor Stanley.

Just lies there getting weaker and weaker, and he keeps calling for me.

But what can you do?

Honey, I can hold his hand or let him hold my hand.

Sure. There's bound to be a lot of hand holding tonight.

Ixnay, you lunkhead.

So I gotta go, Wilma, honey.

Tired as I am, I've gotta drag my weary bones out of the house, and stay with Stanley.

I can just hear him now, lying there and calling, "Fred, Fred, where are you, Fred?

Come to me, Fred.

Where are you, pal?"

Gee, poor guy.

Maybe you shouldn't go. Maybe whatever he's got is contagious.

Quiet.

No. No, in a case like this, I can't think of myself.

I must think of Stanley, who needs me.

Come, Barney.

Let us be on our errand of mercy before it's too late.

Wait.

Barney, is this true?

Is this Stanley person really so sick?

Well, all I can say is, I wouldn't be surprised if tonight he cashed in his chips.

Good night, Wilma. Don't wait up for me.

How about that, Fred?

Six pots in a row.

Hey, Stanley's doing pretty good for a sick man.

Oh, he's just lucky.

Wait until the next hand.

I call you, Stanley. What do you got?

Three sixes any good?

Ha-ha! Three nines.

I beat you again, Stanley.

Come on, you guys, how about a little action?

I've had it, pal. You cleaned me out. Besides, it's getting late.

How about you, Stanley? You wanna play more?

No, I guess not.

You're too hot for me.

Okay, I'll just count my chips and see how much I won.

[chuckling]

You were sure lucky tonight.

Imagine winning 200 clams.

Hot diggety dog.

Not lucky, Barney boy. Skillful. There's no such thing as luck.

How did you make out?

I lost three and a quarter.

That's too bad. You and Sam were the only winners.

He won about $4.

He did?

It's too bad he won your three bucks, and not me, Barney.

If I'd won it, I'd give it back to you.

Hey, Fred, I hate to spoil your good mood...

Nothing could spoil my good mood. What is it?

Uh, how you gonna explain that 200 bucks to Wilma?

Well, easy. I'll just tell her...

[stammers]

Now, why did you have to bring that up? You spoiled my good mood.

I'm sorry, Fred.

Forget I mentioned it. How can I forget it?

Wilma thinks I've been visiting a sick friend. How am I gonna account for the money?

Well, you could tell her...

You could tell her you found it. That's it. I found it. Yeah.

I happened to look down. There it was lying on the street.

That sounds all right? It could happen.

Sure it could.

To make it sound even better, let me have your wallet.

What for? There's nothing in it.

Besides, it's just about all wore out.

That's even better. Let me have it.

Okay. Here.

It'll sound better to say the money was in a wallet instead of just lying around loose.

You get it? You've gotta think.

You gotta think of all the angles.

I think honesty is the best policy. Why don't you just tell the truth?

Are you kidding?

Why tell your wife the truth when you don't have to?

Anyway, it's just a little white lie.

What harm is there in telling a little white lie?

[humming]

[Fred] Wilma! Oh, Wilma!

I'm glad you're still up, honey. Guess what happened on my way home.

You found a wallet with a fortune in it. I found a wallet with...

How did you know? Know what?

About the wallet.

You know, Barney?

That ain't a wedding ring we give our wives when we get married. It's a radar set.

Once they put it on, they can tell where we go, what we do, and even what we're thinking.

What are you talking about? You mean you did find some money?

Did I? Just cast your lovely peepers on this.

Two hundred smackeroos money.

Two hundred lovely, beautiful, gorgeous smackeroos.

Yeah. Fred was lucky tonight. I mean, skillful.

Why, that's fantastic. How did you happen to find it?

I was walking along, I looked down, and there it was.

$200.

That's a fortune, Fred. There was no identification in the wallet?

None at all. That's what makes me feel so bad.

There's absolutely no way of finding out who lost it.

Yes, there is. How?

Put an ad in the paper. You know. "Wallet found. Owner can have by identifying."

Barney's right, Fred.

[stutters] But...

Tomorrow morning, I'll call Daisy Killgranite.

She works in the Lost and Found department of the Bedrock Chronicle.

She'll tell me how to place the ad.

But... I'm going to bed now.

I'll keep this money under my pillow for safekeeping.

Good night, Barney. Good night, Wilma.

Good night, honey.

You nincompoop. You chowderhead.

What's the idea suggesting that ad? I was only trying to help.

After all, when somebody really finds something, they try to find out who lost it.

Yeah, if you don't keep your fat mouth shut, you're gonna lose a couple of teeth.

Hello. Bedrock Chronicle?

Will you please connect me with Daisy Killgranite?

Thank you.

"Extra" by Daisy Killgranite.

Friends and relatives of Mrs. Charles E. Birthstone will be happy to hear she is suing this reporter.

[ringing]

Daisy Killgranite speaking.

What's news?

Hello, Daisy. This is Wilma Flintstone.

Wilma, how are you, dear?

Just fine. I'd like to put an ad in your paper.

Sure. Go ahead.

Your husband found a wallet?

I see.

Is this the kind of wallet worn above the waist?

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

I see.

Just a plain old wallet.

Okay, Wilma, I'll see that your ad gets into the afternoon edition.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Daisy, and thanks.

Here it is, Barney.

"Found: man's wallet containing large sum of money.

Call Bedrock 313."

It doesn't say much, does it? If you ask me, it says too much.

Wilma didn't have to say large sum of money. That's a dead giveaway.

I don't see how.

The word large doesn't necessarily mean $200.

No, but it gives you a good idea.

Say some crook calls up to claim the wallet.

He knows it's a large sum of money, so he says, "$150."

Wilma says no, so he calls up again.

And in a different voice, he says $160, and $170.

Three more calls, and he hits the jackpot.

Gee, I don't blame you for being worried, Fred. Anybody can claim that money.

Yeah.

And that's exactly what somebody's gonna do.

Come on, Barney, you're gonna be somebody.

[Barney] But, Fred, do I have to? [Fred] Come on. Be a pal.

I can't, Fred. I just can't.

Come back here, you coward.

Our friendship depends on it. You want somebody else to get the money?

No, but why do I have to lie? Why can't I tell the truth?

What is this mania you got for telling the truth?

You must have been weaned on sodium pentothal or something.

Anyway, it's only a little white lie.

What harm is there in a little white lie?

Now, get in here and call up Wilma.

[ringing]

[Wilma] Hello.

Yes, this is Bedrock 313.

You're calling to claim the wallet?

Can you describe it?

Yes.

Yes, that's right.

$200 was in it.

Well, it looks like it's yours, all right.

May I ask your name, madam?

[in high-pitched voice] My name? Uh, uh...

Schimmelstone.

Tilly Schimmelstone.

Tilly Schimmelstone is my name.

And, uh, I sure am glad someone honest found my money.

See, I'm a poor old widow.

It was every cent I had in the world.

I'm very happy for you, Mrs. Schimmelstone.

When do you want to come over and pick up your wallet?

No, no, no. I can't do that. See, I'm too sick.

I broke my leg. Skiing. I'm in a wheelchair.

It's very painful. Listen.

Oh! Ow!

You poor thing.

I'll bring the wallet over to your house. - No, you can't do that.

I got no address. That money I lost was for the rent.

And when I couldn't pay it, the landlord kicked me out.

Have her mail it, care of General Delivery.

Why don't you send it to the post office, care of General Delivery?

All right, Mrs. Schimmelstone.

I'll have my husband mail it tonight. You'll get it first thing in the morning.

Bless you, my child. Bless you. Goodbye, dearie.

[laughs]

It went perfect, just like I said.

Now we'll rush home, and Wilma will tell me she found the owner of the wallet.

Uh, then, what... [in normal voice] Then what, Fred?

She'll ask me to mail it to Tilly Schimmelstone, and that's it.

I got back my 200 bucks. I've gotta hand it to you, Fred.

You sure know what you're doing. Ain't it the truth?

[laughing]

Wilma, I'm home.

Hello, Fred. I've got good news for you. The wallet has been claimed.

It has?

By who, I wonder.

By a dear, sweet old lady.

She asked me to mail her wallet to her. I'm so glad we put the ad in the paper.

It was all the money the poor woman had in the world.

Well, let's not keep the old lady waiting.

You want me to rush out and mail the wallet?

That won't be necessary, Fred. What?

I was anxious for her to get it. I mailed it after she called.

[thud]

Fred, what was that?

Are you all right?

He's all right. Just a little overcome with joy over the good news.

Come on, Fred. Snap out of it. Come on, boy. Up on your feet.

I had a bad time there for a minute, last night, but it's gonna work out okay after all.

All I do is pick up the package with the wallet in it, at the post office.

What's so hard about that? I don't know, Fred.

But it ain't working out as easy as you said it would.

Oh, stop worrying. You'll see.

Okay, okay, Fred.

Here we are.

You wait here. Barney. I'll pick up the package and be right out.

Okay, Fred.

Good morning, my good clerk.

I believe you have something for Mrs. Tilly Schimmelstone.

Schimmelstone? I'll see.

Hey, Mac, anything for Schimmelstone?

[Mac] Yeah. There's a package here.

Okay, let's have it.

Here it is. "Mrs. Tilly Schimmelstone, care of General Delivery."

That's it. Allow me to congratulate you, sir, on the excellence of your postal service.

"Neither rain nor sleet nor snow can keep..."

Are you Mrs. Tilly Schimmelstone?

"Can keep the..." Who me?

No. Then, I cannot give you the package.

What do you mean you can't give it to me?

The law says I can only deliver this to the addressee.

Mrs. Schimmelstone will have to come for this herself.

But she can't. She's a sick old lady who broke her leg skiing.

She's in a wheelchair.

That's tough, mister, but the law is the law.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a taxpayer, and I'm gonna demand an investigation.

What kind of a shady operation are you running here anyway?

How'd you make out, Fred? You get the package?

No. A slight complication come up.

Complication? What do we do now?

I don't know yet. Let me think.

Well, you got one thing anyway. What's that?

A ticket for illegal parking in a red zone.

[laughing]

[ringing]

Daisy Killgranite speaking.

Oh, hello, Wilma. Did you see your ad in the paper?

Yes, and it got immediate results. Uh-huh.

A poor old widow lost the money.

A widow? In a wheelchair? Evicted?

Oh, my goodness.

She's gonna pick it up this morning at the post office?

Say, what a story for my column.

Why don't you meet me there? This could be the story of the year.

Stop the presses.

Stop the presses.

Stop the presses.

Stop the presses!

Hold it, Josephine.

I don't know, Fred. I'm not so sure this will work.

Of course, it will work. Now, stop worrying and start acting like Mrs. Schimmelstone.

Besides, can you think of any other way to get that package?

[in high-pitched voice] Good morning, young man.

Good morning.

I've come for my package.

I'm Tilly Schimmelstone.

Oh, yeah. Oh, sure.

You'll have to sign for it first, Mrs. Schimmelstone.

Here you are. Oh, thank you. Where should I sign?

On the dotted line, Mrs. Schimmelstone. Tilly Shim...

Um, uh...

Nephew, how do you spell "Schimmelstone"?

Schimmelstone? Let's see.

S-C-H... Imel...

S-I...

Shut up and sign it, you lunkhead. You trying to q*eer this whole thing?

Here you are, young man. Thanks, lady. Here's your package.

My pleasure. Ta-ta, young man.

Nice old lady, that Mrs. Schimmelstone. [laughs]

Nice old lady.

It worked, Fred. It worked. [laughs] Of course, it did.

With Fred Flintstone as mastermind, anything will work. Let's get out of here.

Wait! Hold it, Mrs. Schimmelstone! Just a moment, please.

Thank goodness, I got here in time. Grab a shot, photographer.

Another one, quick. Get that expression of surprise on her face.

Hold it! Hold it! What do you think you are doing?

Who are you? I'm his nephew.

His nephew? I mean, his niece. Her nephew.

Well, I'm Daisy Killgranite from the Bedrock Chronicle.

We wanna get some pictures of your poor aunt recovering her money.

Pictures? Pictures?

Let's get out of here, Fred. Sorry, lady! No pictures.

I lost my wig. That ain't all you're gonna lose.

Look who's coming in the doorway!

Barney. Fred.

Fred Flintstone, you come back here!

Taxi! Taxi!

Follow that wheelchair.

It's the first time I've ever followed a wheelchair. Hop in.

I knew it wouldn't work, Fred.

Why don't you just give up?

And let Wilma catch me in a lie? Nothing doing.

[whistling]

Watch it, Fred! There's a big trailer truck ahead.

[Fred] Hold tight, Barney!

[horn honking]

Faster, driver! Don't let them get away. Don't worry, ma'am. I won't lose them.

They're catching up to us, Fred. It's no use.

Let's give up. Not on your life.

We'll beat them home, take that costume off, and deny everything.

[crash]

Gee, lady, they run right into the rock wall.

[Wilma] Fred! [Betty] Barney!

Say something, Fred.

Speak to me.

[chuckles]

Beat you again, Stanley.

I got four queens.

Come on, Barney. Snap out of it.

Oh, hi, Betty. What's going on?

That's what I want you to tell me when we get home.

All right, Fred. Start explaining.

Where did you find this wallet?

Or didn't you?

Well, uh, not exactly.

All right, Fred, where did the money come from?

Uh, money? What money?

That knock on the head must have given me amnesia.

[Wilma] Fred, I want the truth. Whose money is it?

All right, you forced me. I'll tell the truth.

It's Barney's.

What are you saying?

Where did you get $200, Barney?

You'll have to ask Fred. He's the expert on financial matters.

Well, he saved it up, penny by penny.

Walking to work instead of taking the bus.

Doing odd jobs.

And you know why?

[Betty] Why? Yeah. Why?

He was gonna surprise you with it, Betty.

Barney wanted to give you that money for your birthday, so you could buy anything you want.

Oh, Barney, you angel.

Oh, you're the sweetest husband a girl ever had.

There's still one thing I don't understand.

Why were you keeping the money?

Uh...

So Betty wouldn't find it, and I had to tell you I found it because Barney made me promise I wouldn't tell a soul about him saving it up.

Oh, Fred.

I'm sorry I suspected anything.

Will you forgive me?

Of course, sweetheart.

Barney, let's go home. And I'll fix you a nice dinner for being so sweet.

Barney, I'll take care of that money for you.

Why?

Why should you take care of it?

Well, I've been doing it so long, I'm sort of in the habit.

Oh, don't be silly. You keep it, Barney. It's yours.

Gee, thanks, Wilma.

[laughs]

Oh, boy. Two hundred bucks.

I've got a great idea.

Let's take that money and blow ourselves to a real good time tonight.

And we'll take Wilma and Fred with us.

Hey, sounds like a great idea to me, honey.

How about it, Mr. and Mrs. Flintstone? Woulds care to help us blow 200 bucks?

I'd love it.

But... But what, Fred?

But...

Happy Birthday, Betty.

Oh, silly. It isn't my birthday yet.

So, what's the difference? Everybody having a good time?

I am. Me too.

How about you, Fred?

[mumbling]

[Wilma] Fred, what are you doing?

I'm adding up to see what this evening of merriment and frivolity is costing.

I don't see why it bothers you. It's Barney's money.

Sure, Fred. [laughs]

If it was your money, I wouldn't worry about it.

Will you boys excuse us for a moment? We girls want to freshen up a bit.

Of course, ladies. On the way, ask the orchestra leader to play "Stonedust."

I'll tip him big.

[both giggling]

I've never seen Barney spend money so freely before.

For crying out loud, Barney, take it easy. That's my money you're spending.

I know. But what can I do about it?

You want me to tell Wilma you won it playing cards?

No, no, no. Of course not.

You see? My hands are tied.

Hey, waiter, more champagne! Bring another six bottles.

Six more bottles. There goes the rest of my 200.

[swooning]

Barney, what's wrong with Fred?

I think the last six bottles of champagne were too much for him.

Come on, Fred. Snap out of it, boy. Up on your feet. Up, boy. Up, up, up!

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open this door!

Wilma!