02x24 - Fred Strikes Out

[bunniefuu]

If this doesn't work, Barney, I'm through.

I'll have to confess everything to Wilma.

Now, don't worry, Freddie-boy. I got it all figured out.

When I start pulling, you pull the other way.

Barney, this ain't gonna work.

Yes, it is. It's coming loose. I can feel it.

Any minute now, you're gonna be... free!

[laughs]

Well, looks like good weather for flying.

Barney, help!

I can't put my finger on it, Betty, but Fred's been acting very strangely tonight.

[crash]

Help!

Fred! What in the world?

Hello, Wilma.

Now I've seen everything.

A human flying bowling ball.

Stick around, Betty, and you'll see a lot of other things flying around here.

[horn honking]

[whistles]

[siren wailing]

So Barney's taking a course at the gym, Betty.

I didn't know he was the athletic type.

Neither did I, Wilma, which just goes to show how little I know about my husband.

Oh. Here it is, Wilma. The quiz I was telling you about.

"How much do you know about your husband?"

Sounds like fun. Did you take it?

No. I figure being married is like eating stew.

The less you know about what's in it, the better you like it.

Well, I'm not afraid.

There's nothing I don't know about Fred. Bless his heart.

Go ahead, Betty. Give me the quiz.

Okay, but remember, you asked for it. Here goes.

"Has your mate ever forgotten your anniversary?"

Only once, and that was because my mother dropped in unexpectedly, and with all the excitement... You have to answer yes or no.

Yes.

"Do you feel he has ever lied to you?"

Oh, a little exaggeration, maybe...

Yes or no?

Yes.

"Has he ever forgotten to keep an appointment with you?"

Well, I wouldn't say...

Yes. "Is he punctual?"

No, that he is not. I mean, not really.

[Betty] "Does he get along well with your parents?"

[Wilma] No.

I hate to say this, Wilma, but so far, Fred sounds like a cross between a saber-toothed tiger and a Gila monster.

Maybe we'd better stop now.

No, Betty. After all, it's only a game.

Go on. Okay.

"Does he notice when you wear new clothes?"

What new clothes? I mean no.

Well, that does it. What happens now?

Well, we get an analysis of the personality pattern.

Well, have you got it?

Let's forget it. Is it that bad?

Come on, Betty. I wanna hear it.

Oh, look, Wilma!

The Bedrock Bon-ton's having a big sale.

Betty, let me see that paper.

Mm.

"This type of individual is totally unreliable, demanding and immature.

Chances of mutual happiness are very slim."

Oh, my goodness. Big deal.

What do they know? These days, everyone's a psychiatrist.

I always thought I'd been very happy with Fred.

Well, sure you have, honey.

After all, no one's perfect.

Especially not Fred. That's right.

So he forgets my birthday sometimes.

So he doesn't compliment me very often.

So he breaks our appointments without even telling me.

So he doesn't like my mother. So what?

So what am I doing married to the big oaf? That's so what.

Okay, Fred, baby, Captain, sir.

Let's hear it for the Royal Order of Water Buffalo!

[clears throat]

Go, you buffalo!

Go, you buffalo!

Moo! Team!

Hey, that's the spirit, Fred.

You're gonna do it for us tonight, right?

Right. Tonight, we'll show the Exalted Lodge of Elegant Elks who's champion.

I see it now.

The score is tied. The last frame is set up.

A hush falls over the crowd. The pins are trembling in the alley.

And then mighty Flintstone stands up slowly.

Walks up to his lane, looks about contemptuously.

Takes a deep breath, pulls in his mighty stomach.

Barney, let's try throws out his mighty chest instead.

Oh, sure thing, Fred.

Throws out his mighty chest and... How!

Now he's even getting violent.

[Barney] Well, see you later, Fred.

I have to get home and work out with my weights so I'll be in shape for tonight.

Come on, muscles. Let's get out of here.

I don't want you catching any of his bad habits.

What's with her?

Hi, sweetheart! How's my girl?

Okay, Fred, where are they?

I don't know, Wilma. Where are what?

Where are the groceries I asked you to bring home?

Oh, those. I guess I forgot.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

I feel like a king tonight!

Boy, I'm hungry.

Fred. Yeah, Wilma?

Have you mailed the birthday card to my mother yet?

Huh?

What did you say?

[scatting]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. My favorite dinner.

Like it? Oh, boy. Do I?

Dinosaurus steak ala stroganoff.

Seaweed salad. Curried dodo eggs. What's the occasion?

You don't remember? Well, no, I...

[sobbing]

The quiz was right.

You're a beast.

Gee. What a guy has to go through to get a square meal around here.

What quiz, Wilma?

The one that said you were inconsiderate, unreliable, selfish.

What are you talking about?

There was a quiz in the paper this morning to find out how much you know about your mate.

And I found out that you are...

I know. I know. I got the message.

You mean you take that stuff seriously?

There must be something to it if you could forget what tonight is.

Tonight is the night you're gonna nag me to death!

That's what tonight is.

[sobbing]

Oh, I got it. I got it.

Wilma, baby, how could I forget?

You do remember? Of course.

And I wanna tell you something, sweetheart.

You don't look a day older.

It's not my birthday, Fred.

Hey, I get it! You wanted to surprise me.

It's my birthday, right? Wrong.

It's not your birthday? It's not my birthday?

I don't see anything from your mother, so it's not our anniversary.

Don't remind me.

Throwing out that beautiful plant she sent last year.

It was poison ivy, and I won't take that from anyone!

Fred! I give up!

Sue me. I just don't remember.

Tonight is the eighth anniversary of the night I accepted your marriage proposal.

Oh, boy. How could I forget?

Look, Wilma, I'm sorry. You know what I mean.

Really, I'm gonna make it up to you. Tomorrow night...

Why, only last Wednesday we talked about it when you promised to take me to the movie tonight, remember?

I promised to take you to the movie tonight?

Tonight? Of course.

You were going to propose to me all over again.

You haven't forgotten our date tonight, have you, dear?

But, Wilma, baby, sweetheart, tonight, there's a little bowling thing.

I must have forgotten.

Nothing much, really. Just the championship playoffs.

But I... Ay-ay-ay.

Fred Flintstone, if you would rather go bowling than take me to the movies on the eighth anniversary of my accepting your marriage proposal, then I change my mind.

I don't wanna be married to you anymore.

And I'll deliver my mother's birthday card myself when I move back home! Stop yelling, will you?

Come here, sweetheart.

Now don't get all upset.

You happen to be right. I was a beast.

I haven't been fair to you, Wilma, but I'm going to change.

Oh, Fred.

Then you will keep your promise and take me out tonight?

You won't go bowling? You have my sacred word of honor.

I can really depend on you from now on?

Depend on me?

Why, Wilma, I'm gonna be so reliable from now on, you can set the sundial by me. You'll see.

No more forgetting, no more broken promises, and no more getting out of things.

So I told Wilma no more conniving, no more broken promises.

I told her on my word of honor I'd take her out tonight.

Barney, you've gotta help me get out of it!

Okay, Fred. Give me a minute and I'll think of something.

One, two, three, four.

If I don't take Wilma to the movies tonight, she's going home to live with her mother.

Well... Six, seven, eight.

That's one way to keep her mother...

Ten, 11, 12...

From coming to live with you.

Barney, are you gonna help me or not?

Oh, sure, Fred. Sure. Now tell me your problem.

I already told you!

Yes, sir. It's just like Rock Whammy says, "A fat man is a grouchy man."

Who's grouchy? I'm perfectly calm!

It's just that I'm going out of my mind because I promised to take Wilma to the movies tonight.

Tonight, Barney!

Tonight?

Uh-oh.

And how uh-oh.

If I don't show up for that bowling match tonight...

I can see it now.

Captain Flintstone of the Royal Order of Water Buffalos, it is with the deepest regret that I am forced to ask you to turn in your horns.

You sure got the picture, Barney. I'm sunk.

Fred, can't you just explain to Wilma?

Not this time, Barney. I tried.

I'm telling you, she's flipping. I gotta take her out tonight.

Fred, you have a very difficult problem.

After all, when a man has to be in two places at once...

Hold it! Hold it, Barney! I think you got it.

All I gotta do is be in two places at once. That's it.

What's it, Fred?

The bowling alley is half a block from the drive-in movie, right?

Right, Fred. The movie starts at eight, the bowling tournament at 8:15, right?

Right, Fred.

So if I take Wilma to the movie, wait a few minutes and go out for candy...

I get it, Fred.

You run around the block, into the bowling alley...

Wind up and a pow-wow-wow!

But you're gonna have to buy a lot of candy, Fred.

Wouldn't it be simpler to just tell Wilma the truth?

Barney, have I ever deceived that sweet little woman?

Yep.

Have I kept her waiting, forgotten things?

Yep.

Have I ever broken a promise to her?

Yep.

Then I ask you, Barney, on a night like tonight, in all fairness, can I tell her the truth?

No. No. No. No. No. No.

How does this dress look with the ivory beads, Betty?

Fine, Wilma. No, I don't think so.

I was wearing red the night Fred proposed.

There. How's this? Fine.

It's horrible.

Betty, I wish I had something to wear that would make me look glamorous and exciting.

Tonight, I wanna be a new woman.

Honey, what are you worried about?

It's just that this evening is so special.

Yes, but you're only going to a drive-in movie.

No one will see you.

Fred will. And I want him to remember me the way I was eight years ago tonight.

Eight years ago tonight, you weren't married to him, Wilma.

I know. So? So?

You're never gonna look that happy again, so forget it.

Betty, I know you're thinking about that awful quiz, and you know something? What?

I realized that taking it was a big mistake.

Well, I warned you.

I know, and you were right.

All it did was make me suspicious and mean.

So my husband's not perfect. Whose husband is?

Certainly not my husband. Of course.

And in the really important things, Fred always comes through.

He promised he wouldn't go bowling tonight, and he isn't.

He promised to take me to the movie tonight, and he is.

Listen.

[Fred scatting]

[giggles] Isn't he cute?

He's more excited about tonight than I am.

[babbling]

Pow-wow-wow!

Got you, you little devils.

Fred, baby, you are a winner.

[Wilma] "Pterodactyls from Outer Space."

"Starring Janet Granite and Stoney Gherkins."

I've been dying to see this movie.

I read that Janet's been nominated for an Oscar.

Well, that Stoney Gherkins is no slouch either, Wilma.

Come on. I guess we better go in.

Oh, good. The picture hasn't started yet.

Hey, there's a space up ahead.

We haven't been here in ages, Fred. I'm so glad you thought of it.

Yeah. I'm chock-full of good ideas.

Oh, Fred, look.

Kiddy Land.

Remember the fun we had here when we were kids?

[Fred] Yeah, heh.

[Wilma] And when we were teenagers, Fred, and you had to save your allowance for weeks to take me out, remember?

How could I forget? I still have to.

[roaring]

Fred. Mm?

Look over there.

Young love, remember? [Fred] Sure I do, sweetheart.

And do you remember what you said to me eight years ago tonight?

Yeah, I said...

Holy mackerel! The picture started! I'm late!

No, Fred. That's not what you said.

Wilma, this is no time for romance. I gotta get some candy.

That man picks the darndest times to get hungry.

[pins crashing]

Attaboy boy, Fred. Right in the pocket.

You were gone long enough to eat a dinner, Fred.

Did you get some candy? Candy?

[panting]

I forgot, sweetheart. I'll go back in a little while.

That's all right, dear. Forget it.

No, I insist. I'll get you something as soon as it's my turn again.

What did you say?

I said it's so warm, I'm starting to burn again.

I wish you'd relax and watch the picture, Fred.

You seem so nervous.

[stammering]

Nervous? Who's nervous?

Oh, I know what's bothering you. You do?

Uh-huh.

Remember how I encouraged you to pop the question eight years ago?

[laughing]

Oh, come on, Wilma. Oh, cut it out.

There. How's that for a reminder? Gosh, it's...

Peanuts! What?

Gotta have some. Be right back.

My kisses never affected him that way before.

[pins crashing]

Here's your candy, Wilma. Thanks.

Say, you just missed the most exciting part.

There's this giant pterodactyl from outer space, Yeah. And right next to his launching stone, the two scientists, that's Stoney and Janet, are digging for fossils.

Yeah. And they don't realize that...

Oh, Fred, look! There he is, the giant pterodactyl.

What's he gonna do? Go for popcorn.

You didn't shut the door, Fred.

Ow!

Wilma! The door!

Open the car door!

Huh? What did you say? My thumb, it's in the door!

Wilma, open it, please! Something wrong?

Oh, no, everything's fine. Swell. Oh, boy.

[men cheering]

Attaboy, Fred. Good work, Flintstone!

Freddie-boy, you did it again.

Let me be the first to shake the hand that won the tournament.

Ow! My thumb! Please, Barney, no handshaking.

[reporter] Pardon me, Mr. Flintstone.

I cover sports events for the Daily Slate.

We'd love your picture for the morning edition.

Well, thanks, anyway, but I've really got to...

Yowch!

You just hold that up there, Fred, baby.

Yes, sir, the lodge is proud of our captain tonight.

My name is Rubble.

R-U-B-B-L-E.

Okay, hold it.

Thank you very much and congratulations.

Oh, there was nothing to it.

Huh? [chuckles]

It seems to be a little tight.

What's the matter, Fred?

[Fred] The ball, Barney. I can't get it off my thumb.

Let me try.

[yelling]

Easy, Barney. I slammed a car door on my thumb before.

It must have swollen.

Oh, boy, Fred. You're in for it now. Ow!

Yeah. If Wilma sees me with this bowling ball, I'm dead.

What am I gonna do?

Get back to your car. Keep your hand hidden.

I'll meet you back at your house. Roger?

Over and out.

Oh, boy.

I'm sorry you hurt your hand, Fred. You should have said something.

Well, I didn't want a little accident to spoil our evening, sweetheart.

Oh, Fred, you're sweet.

I'm glad you asked Barney and Betty to come over.

It makes tonight a real celebration.

Anything to make you happy, Wilma.

[Betty] Yoohoo! Anybody home? Hi, Betty. Come on in.

Well, hi, you two.

How's the celebration coming?

Oh, we've been having a ball. [laughs]

Say, we can't have a celebration without food, right, Fred?

Food. Food! Yeah. Yeah, absolutely right.

Oh, those two and their appetites.

Come on, Betty. Let's get them some sandwiches.

Okay, Wilma.

Hey, Fred, I got some of Betty's cold cream.

We'll grease your thumb and slide the ball off.

Okay, but hurry it up, will you, Barney?

[Barney] This little piggy went to market.

[Fred giggling]

This little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy had roast beef.

Oh, come on, Barney! The girls will be back any minute.

Okay, Fred, hang on to the sofa, and I'll pull.

A one! A two!

And a...

Oh, gosh, excuse me, Wilma.

I was just showing Fred the old one-two.

Ever since he signed up for that gym course, Barney's been acting punchy.

Never mind, Betty. We'll make some more sandwiches.

Oh, boy, Barney.

You nearly spoiled everything. Don't worry, Freddie.

The girls are making us some more sandwiches.

That will give us a chance to try my new idea.

What we need is more leverage.

Now you go over to the window while I run outside.

Okay, Freddie-boy!

Now brace yourself and get ready. One.

Two. What will it be, Fred?

Lava jelly with Limburger or deviled dodo egg?

I think I'll take one of the...

Fred!

Olly, Olly, Oxen free! Your turn to hide, Wilma.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Where are the fellows, Wilma?

Where would you expect two grown men to be?

Playing hide-and-go-seek, of course.

What? You figure it out. I give up.

If this doesn't work, Barney, I'm through.

I'll have to confess everything to Wilma.

Now, don't worry, Freddie-boy. I got it all figured out.

When I start pulling, you pull the other way.

Barney, this ain't gonna work.

Yes, it is. It's coming loose. I can feel it.

Any minute now, you're gonna be... free!

Well, looks like good weather for flying.

Barney, help!

I can't put my finger on it, Betty, but Fred's been acting very strangely tonight.

[crash]

Help!

Fred! What in the world?

Hello, Wilma.

Now I've seen everything.

A human flying bowling ball.

Stick around, Betty, and you'll see a lot of other things flying around here.

[tapping]

For heaven's sake, Barney, haven't you got it off yet?

You better make some more sandwiches, Wilma.

This may take a long time.

[shudders]

That ice water's cold. Let it soak.

That's the only way to get the swelling down.

Fred, I saw your picture in the paper this morning.

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Wilma. You don't have to be.

You won the championship for the lodge, and I'm proud of you.

You are? You mean you forgive me for lying to you?

Yes, Fred.

Oh, gosh, Wilma, I'm so ashamed of myself.

I'm just a no-good, unreliable, sneaky...

Wait a minute. If I'm so bad, how come you're not mad at me?

Remember that quiz I took yesterday, the one that told me all about you?

How could I forget?

Well, I gave it to myself this morning, and you know what?

No. What?

I got an even lower score than you did.

[laughing]

You're kidding. No, I'm not.

So I figured, you may not be much, Fred, but I'm awfully lucky to have you.

And vicie versie, Wilma, baby.

Vicie versie. Oh, Fred.

[chuckling]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!